How to Get Over Break Ups and Betrayal - Jocko Willink and Echo Charles

move on straight up move on forget them they are lying and they are untrustworthy so move on now sometimes this can be hard especially if they've somehow tied themselves in your life especially like for instance you get the kids involved a divorce scenario you you can't move on but you have to mentally move on you have to emotionally detach from that human and that's hard to do because obviously they were someone that you trusted me and the reason I know that you trusted them is because they got to a point where they were able to betray your trust and destroy you so they they it's hard but the fact that they trust that you trusted them the fact that you had that relationship that's even more reason to walk away it's even more reason to move on you've got to see them for what they are and this is an important piece right here this is an important because this is something I learned as a young lad out there in the world that person is not who you thought they were right they are not who you thought they were the idea that this person was a trustworthy faithful companion is not true it is not true that person does not exist they didn't exist and they don't exist it was in your head it was in your head that this person was trustworthy and you they were everything he wanted them to be and they were faithful commanded that is a lie they are not that person they have proved it they've proved it by their actions so move on and at the risk of sounding callous get over it get over it do not dwell do not dwell on do not dwell on on what it was and don't dwell on what it could have been you you and guys go through bad breakups you know it's I just I thought well you're gonna it's like no don't dwell on that deal with what it is right now what that person is deal with reality accept reality and be be thankful free Ally be thankful that you were able to learn before you invested more into this person be thankful that you found out when you did that this person was a liar that this person was unfaithfuls untrustworthy be be thankful that you know it and you know it now instead of later and you know what else is gonna make it a lot easier to get over these situations is recognize that there's plenty of people out there in the world that are trustworthy and there are faithful good people there's a there out there go find one of them but don't think that that person that you had was the only one in the world they're not and you know what if that sometimes sometimes people have a hard time making that trust because they're so caught up and they they don't want to meet someone else right away that's fine start with yourself right rely on yourself trust yourself because we when someone breaks our trust we we we question ourselves - yes like we think aren't my judgments bad I'm not a good judge of human character cuz I totally put my faith in this person and look what they did to me so now we don't trust her so you got to build that trust up you got to build that trust up back again with yourself how do you do that read write learn work out the alone it's okay to be alone some people get freaked out when they're alone it's okay to be alone it's okay it's okay to be alone there's no big deal enjoy it do something productive and build that trust up in yourself you know look back at the situation learn we do that Sanaa post operational debrief oh you've put too much trust in somebody cool they broke your heart all right Roger that let's see what would the steps what should I have recognized how many times did I say well you know they didn't call me but it's probably just cuz their phone was out of battery no once your phone runs out of battery once okay you don't let it happen again right so you start seeing those red flags see you the mistakes that you made and then look for them next time around because you deal with people all the time that they made mistakes the first run they go back they make the same mistakes the second run they go back and make the same mistakes the third run that's when you gotta start blaming yourself on your situation that's why that's why I said you got to like build a relationship with yourself you've got to learn yourself you got to trust you got to learn to trust yourself so spend some time doing that and then when you go back and you start dealing with people because that's what that's what you gotta watch out for is that you become a hardened criminal you don't trust anybody like you were talking about cops you know sometimes cops have a hard time because they're dealing with scumbags all day long then it builds up this this mistrust of other people so you don't want to have that happen you want to be suspicious of people but you want to be able to build trust once they proven themselves so take those small steps and start to build up over time don't just jump in and give someone one hundred percent trust out of the gate you don't know you don't know you know back in the day back in the day with old hardcore bands used to have this t-shirt that just said trust no one I was like yeah that's legit right you don't don't go out of the gate with the big trust on somebody with important stuff you know do it but the good news is like I said there's plenty people out there they're good people that you don't give you can give all your trust to just take it slow brother yeah and it's so crazy how you just explain that so simple and it makes total sense when you're in the situation no oceans you know like you can't just detach and be like what are the roots no you're too busy missing the person or whatever your design so and there's but throwing thing was looking at pictures that's the word yeah you get out the picture and stare I've seen guys do that I can bro give me that let me fill this away for you it's not gonna help that person yeah that others always to me this was explaining like listen cuz guys what shoes no no she wasn't that is a lie that person that you put put together in your head that you've assembled in your mind that person doesn't exist they don't exist the person that you dealt with was a liar was unfaithful as a cheater that's the person the person wasn't this person that you're putting forth in your mind that person doesn't exist so stop but but you don't understand the good times yeah you know I don't know I it's a here's the trick okay so if okay that person a liar that for the cheater and what I kind of said there was look you don't understand a good time that's a real part of it that's really it's like sure they did this sure she um flats my tires when she gets my sure all that great times we have are so good so it's it's it's proof that it it's not about the person it's not about the person that you can see all the red flags and how they mistreat you from time to time or they Beach it's about yourself and how you're sad now because of all these reasons but the trick comes with what one of the tricks comes with same thing I said about drinking where it's your brain because it's like chemicals when you bond with someone in a certain in certain ways and it's different from you know it varies from person to person but it's like I think it's like oxytocin or I don't know something where it's it's we go with you some but you feel this bond with a specific person that's why you have these feelings even though this girl like lies to you you see her lying text messages on your phone right now you're looking at you meanwhile you still still miss them it's a trick because it's saying like that you're emotional like well-being is attached to this person kind of thing right and all those if you just kind of ignore so just like um how's the same with drinking right y know consciously like I'm gonna be hungover tomorrow alright I won't get anything done all this stuff liquor why do I want to drink so bad right now you know thing no and it's the same thing the chemicals in your brain are telling you like this girl is essential for you you know for your well-being he's not yeah oh that's not that's a lot it's a trick listen to the don't listen your brain listen to me yes she's not essential that's all you're wrong bro I'm telling you but that's the logic right no those chemicals are locking I have seen so many situations where guys are just in what's horrible is I'm sitting here saying this it's you could be smacking someone in the face telling a move on move on and they're not gonna listen that's that's also you got to make that decision yeah that's that's that's it's hard and guys ruin their lives I mean is due to those and guys ruin their lives you know with over somebody that is completely abusive whether mentally or physically that just completely abusive and they'll ruin their lives for this person that pert and you see in my mind I think it's because they build a person they build a person on the framework of reality they build a fantasy and they're in love with that fantasy and they want to keep it going right it's a fantasy so stop and they get away they ignore like all the conifers red flags sure and they remember the good times even if it's like like ten minutes yeah a week they remember those good times they ignore the the red flags because of that that you know that trick that chemical trick in their brain a so it reinforces that thing that they built you know that fantasy that they'd be like it's true this big the reality is this big and look the fantasy and they just attach to it yeah you ever see like a friend or whatever because I'm assuming you've never seen this situation like you ever had a friend where they're really into it they're almost ruining their lives they're in bad shape or whatever and then whether it be all of a sudden or years later whatever they're thinking back in there like what was I think yeah because the chemical trick so to speak wears off and then they can see all that logic that you're talking about like oh my gosh and it's it's almost like it's almost like you feel like you were a different person when you recover your hands I mean just the fact that you can't talk any sense into people when they're in that situation it's the track you gotta try and it's hard it's hard but I think knowing that that's it it's a chemical in your brain that is tricking you and it goes for a lot of stuff doughnuts like all this that's tricking you if you know like yeah and you say I'm not gonna be tricked I feel it I feel listed I feel the sadness I feel missing this person but it's a trick you know yeah that helps it totally helps I like it so move on man I know it's hard trust us speaking of moving on next question unless we want to talk about this some more no I think you need to move on yeah exactly right let's move on in what circumstances do you recommend director desk I will hold on only now moving on you're stuck on a but what's horrible is men people kill themselves yeah in these situations over a lie yeah that's that's to me that's the trick but it's a lie and in guys or girls get so distraught over this fantasy that doesn't exist and what's really jacked up is if they could just move on they'd find a reality that was actually congruent with what their desires are it's out there yeah you can see people all over the world they're they're they're in relationships having fun from every level right yeah there's someone out there but you you get caught up in this mental trap and in obsessing over a fantasy it's a fantasy don't don't don't obsess over the fantasy man there's you can you can get over it and there's plenty of other human beings out there that are awesome so go find one of them and in the meantime hang out with your badass self right become a better person and working out is a big one for huge first sir that's a that's did a hundred percent just get it get in the gym and get after it jiu-jitsu solves everything yes lifting solves every day

Channel: Jocko Podcast

Views: 2,322,601

Rating: 4.9376025 out of 5

Keywords: break ups, get over it, divorce, betrayal, cheating, separation, relationships, jocko podcast, echo charles, jocko willink, leadership

Id: c709rGYW8v0

Length: 13min 4sec (784 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 28 2017