John Mulaney | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #440

all right we have new merch I want to let you know to check out the new root beer hoodie if you want the coldest root beer then get that ice cold drip uh and the four piece enamel pen set we got a beautiful little pen set right there you can put a pin on somebody put it on somebody you love or put on somebody who needs love or put on yourself if you're even if you're burying somebody hit them with that PIN Cinema that be good to yourself all the way to heaven and you can check all that out at Theo vonstore.com thank you so much for uh wanting to support us and and wanting to support the merch we do our best today's guest is one of the most unique men comedians on Earth he is a unique man and um and that's that's a tough thing to be sometimes uh but he has mastered it he has a new special coming out on Netflix called Baby J if you haven't gotten to see his other specials you should check them out um today's guest is a talent Mr John Mulaney [Music] sit and tell you my story [Music] [Applause] yeah man I'm just saving it because we've never communicated really no it's interesting not a bit isn't it I'm still saving it because that don't look ready yeah that's his nickname don't look ready oh no see he gets upset about you man where his joking's at we're just kidding he'll come back around he's been losing weight too so he's feeling more Sly aren't you what's that you've been losing some weight recently huh I'm trying I'm out there I'm hiking yeah you look lean brother hiking is tight you gonna do it hiking yeah it's like free you just go like run you know 100 free yeah that's Freedom isn't it hiking yeah I don't know where are you hiking I'm not I do Fryman Canyon yeah with Dan Levy oh you go with Dan yeah I only hike with Dan oh wow he's even got a hike with he's a good guy to hike with you talk about money the entire time yeah yeah he'll get you involved I've been involved in countless things with Dan I'm still in some what do you think I'm in a class action with Dan somewhere along the line oh for real did you get involved in one of the flips he was trying to do uh I don't think it was a flip I don't it was some sneaker thing it was like a he has a lot of sneakers yeah tons he has a whole special Closet in his home for sneakers his wife doesn't have that no but he does yeah and his wife yeah yeah his wife doesn't have his wife doesn't have anything and he has everything he wants yeah he's giving his wife nothing oh it's three children oh and he named him all after he named them all Dan Levy yeah well Danny yeah and then Danielle Danielle and then the baby's just Dan yeah the little girl's just Dan Levy I think you have to be at that size you have to be at that size he just bought a Porsche too did he really so he's really going through it huh yeah he paid 125 000. and his wife I think I saw her on a bike or I think crutches even crutches old ass crutches not good crutches no I'm talking I found the crutches at CVS and I said you guys have a dumpster and she said I could actually use those they were just in the parking lot of the Venture oh she had some real polio Chopsticks when I saw her that sucks man it sucks how Dan treats her uh you know it's uh I'll put her on my prayer list you know for sure yeah for sure I'll put her at the top but it's cool to be married to Dan Levy probably oh you get to watch him drive to the Improv in a bomber jacket and a Porsche yeah and you get to watch him put all of your money into his hair gel yeah there's a lot of treatment going on and it ain't just gel yeah I'll tell you this um did you ever get involved in a sneaker business with him I got involved I've been involved in some things with Dan yeah he sends me links like these Jordans are coming out today why don't you buy 500 of them and then we'll sell them yeah yeah yeah and he sends me off right like players that have people have like a lot of foreign players like uh you know these vladi D box are coming out you know they make up vladi Divas it's a dress shoe you know it's a hard shoe like a church shoe it's a Czech of Slovakia yeah it's like a [ __ ] Republic like there would be a nice Brown loafer yeah good for them yeah but yeah he's Dan is a Dan is a talented guy oh he's the greatest You Gotta Know Dan and he is great his energy is all he always has energy he always has energy um his father's Abraham Lincoln addict his father is an Abraham Lincoln addict and uh we went to we were doing a show in Springfield Illinois uh this winter and we went to Lincoln's grave really yeah just basically for Elliott Levy yeah you know when you like to salute our First Responders and no one responded like there on that you know he was like a first responder to slavery kind of in a way I think wasn't he there were probably some people before him who had thoughts on it but he was definitely out there yeah he was like as far as our history books tell us he was kind of like one of the guys out there like hey yeah for real yeah he was like an EMT kind of for slavery he was an absolute EMT he did CPR in this country this country was being ripped apart this country was dragged under a car yeah and he did CPR on it let's see because he would do CPR on someone who's dragged under her yeah uh John Mulaney thanks for hanging out man thanks for having me it's nice to meet you yeah you too man we've never met we saw each other in passing at The Improv the other day that was the first time I think I might have like we might have crossed paths at the store once yeah but I think it was at the Improv maybe two months ago dude thanks for all your um thanks for all your amazing comedy man it's thanks for yours you are really interesting to watch I love like this other you have like this you're doing your act it's non-stop right like I feel like when I watch you I get my money's worth you know oh thank you that's very nice because it's like you're there's almost a couple of things going on sometimes you're telling a story or you're telling a joke but you're also commenting on it with like this and that's how it's gonna be like it's almost like there's this other character and I can't really figure out what the other character is um like if if it comes from like somebody in your life or if it's like a do you know what I'm talking about at all you mean the um the way I sound on stage or some you're talking about some other ingredient and that's uh it's it's like I'm watching a story it's almost like an insider trading it's almost like this other guy kind of pops out of you at the same time and like kind of comments on what's going on but it's like yeah there's a part of there's someone out there there's someone in me who doesn't like the show yeah yeah and who doesn't like who's embarrassed maybe by the by the fact that he's doing it you know like when those multiple personalities come out on an episode of Law and Order yeah where they're like Franklin's not here right now you know you got to deal with that guy there's someone in there who's like by the way I [ __ ] loathe telling this story yes that's what it is it's this and I just man it's so awesome to watch it's so awesome that's nice you to say I appreciate that thank you yeah thanks because I'm like with that guy gonna pop you know it's like I can't it almost gives me something else to look forward to while I'm enjoying the show you know okay is that not only are is John performing I'm watching but then there's this other guy who's also part of John who's gonna chime in every now and then and tell me something dude I had a psychiatrist when I was 17 and he told me uh he goes half of you is this really nice guy who wants to you know do the right thing and be a good person and the other half of you is a gorilla whose sole purpose in life is to destroy the first half wow I think that I could see that that's interesting yeah I think I mean I definitely I feel I could relate to a lot of that I don't know if mine's a gorilla mine's more probably a chimp maybe or oh yeah well that's pretty scary too that's nothing to shake a stick at oh a chimp can rip your genitals off you don't throw them 500 feet but that's the story at least yeah that's you know the birthday cake story right the guy brought up guy had two chimps brought one a birthday cake and not the other which seems like chimp 101 yeah both yeah you got a double k then pop pop hands off popped his ripped his hands off ripped his feet off ripped his genitals off threw them 500 feet oh I mean there's lots of stories like that that's just the one I've sort of but the worst part is if your hands aren't there by the time you get to your genitals you can't even scoop them up yeah if you walk the 500 feet which you can't because you don't have feet either it's a real he was like you can't walk you can't do anything you can't reproduce it was like Bam Bam Bam no torso [ __ ] he went for the prize areas he went for the things that really yeah they were wow that's it right there oh yeah well that this looks like yeah world's most horrific chimp attacks as Raging Apes rip off people's faces hands and genitals but I think say you get the the feet are gone so he took the feet you just Googled chimp birthday cake and that came up okay so I have some of the details correct yeah you were correct okay that's fantastic yeah I think if you take if you I'm trying to think if somebody took my feet off and I don't have any feet I think you could still stick over there kind of but that's you know like that Oscar Pistorius die yeah but you're talking about the first moment you lose your feet you think you could stick it if you don't look at the feet I think and you stay out of that shock moment okay I think and you just drive forward you like we still have feet I feel like it would take a while of the physical therapy with the bars with the ballet dancer bars on either side stomping around and then I don't know I just can't imagine that I could get up and stump it over to my balls in the pants meanwhile I still got to sing happy birthday because you're forgetting that it's still a celebration for the one chimp so that's rude you know dude I was at a uh I was at an AAA meeting right I'm in a a good AAA and so I was at an AAA meeting in person or over zoom in person okay and some guy had only because there were so many overzoom during them oh yeah there were so many some meetings stayed in Zoom yeah um and I I some guy had a seizure in the meeting right and this other lady was her birthday in the meeting and they sing Happy Birthday everybody yeah so she like literally stepped over the guy it was her birthday it was her moment it was like I'm gonna get my cake you know so was it like were you all about to present the cake and the guy had a seizure yeah they're like uh you know uh rondra got 76 years or something right so she comes up and everybody's like happy birthday and the guy seizures up [ __ ] man she's just like Steps over him to me right like yeah yeah yeah oh she's saying to me yeah I think nothing was going to take her shine you know also so it's interesting even on regular birthdays I don't know people that sing to me but I like when yeah I think it's like well times have changed John I think people want to it's about them now that's a good point times have changed but I think yeah dude I think if my feet were gone if I don't know about that I'm running on pure adrenaline you know they lift cars off of children off of family that's what they say yeah I mean I I assume those stories are true I think they have I think look up like unique mom unique powers Google you need yeah Google unique powers from mom adrenaline yeah oh now maybe that's what we're starting to sell Search terms there we go how it's possible for an ordinary person to lift a car all right in 2012 Lauren kornaki a 22 year old woman in no create a BBC account [Music] you can't look at anything anymore you ever try to look up song lyrics you want to [ __ ] mess those websites out they won't let you look at those either no it's just like tons of it's just they're the most insane A to Z lyrics or whatever they're oh yeah they have more pop-up ads it's like do you not want us to know what the singer was saying right yeah and now people are putting like weird like you know everything I do I do it for T-Mobile like people are playing the songs wrong because the ads are popping in yep you know yep um it is interesting how there's so much ads I think if I but I to go back to this I think if you had pure adrenaline going and But the saddest part would be to get to your own genitals and not be able to pick you'd almost have to balance them on your yeah it's like the end of The Twilight Zone where the guy breaks his glasses you finally get to your genitals but you don't have hands and you got to decide what you scoop up with your mouth oh for real wow bro that is crazy and then what yeah I don't know what you take well you have to take your gonads because you want if you want to have a family yeah you have to see what kind of condition I mean you have to make a split second what kind of condition are these and by the way I'm assuming the chimp is making a beeline for you and not at all done especially if you um if you stuck it and stumped away yeah that's true probably he's gonna be right behind you he didn't mean to just you know God man it's so harrowing to think what you would do in certain instances you know and if you have the because I even notice like if I get like scared at night you know yeah I'll even say like is somebody there you know like somebody's gonna be like yeah you're lying in bed and you hear a noise type skin yeah like I'll get you know I mean I'm tough and everything but I will also in addition to being tough I will like go be like you know hey is somebody there like I'll do like um who's you know yeah yeah and like they're gonna say something back like I'm here you know burglar yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and it's always a burglar in my mind you know it's always that kind of Home Alone s type of fella you think it's someone coming in to steal items and just hoping no one wakes up and asks is anyone there yeah and you just yeah I think about home invasion most of the day yeah I mean you do you ever yell I have a gun no that's a good idea yeah I have a gun I have a gun oh that sounded pretty with authority right I have a gun now when you say you're a tough guy see I would mess it up when you say you're a tough guy in them in that moment you're in your home someone's coming in you don't know what they're about do you feel tough at first I don't right but then I have to remember hey you are tough so then I will be able to be tough tough meaning I know how to fight do you do um I'll go to like Jiu Jitsu classes okay all right but not a ton though okay just enough to like maybe I'm a huge fan of it sure but I am a like I'm a one stripe white belt and there are four-year-olds that are that or seven-year-olds probably not four but uh you know so it's not it's not an insane thing to get but I mean I do know that once there's once so say say there's somebody I hear something right yeah I get out of bed I go over and then I realize the scariest part is you have to turn a corner in your home that's oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so from now on Ice turn and I go like I'll turn and be like hey you know I will turn like I'm here or something like that like something so that if there is somebody they're about to attack me they're not just gonna get onto something that's like sinking away yeah I had a um a t-shirt I bought at Kanye West Life of Pablo tour it was a like a double XL airbrush t-shirt and on the front it had a airbrush painting of donde West okay and on the back it had an airbrush painting of Robert Kardashian Kim Kardashian's late father and O.J Simpson's attorney I was at home um a few years back and it was New Year's it was a couple days after New Year's and I had a New Year's party where there'd been balloons and [ __ ] so the the but the house was still you know uh messy from it um middle of the night uh the alarm goes off screaming alarm like the loud ass someone just came in through the door alarm oh so I get out [ __ ] threadbare boxers don't do West Robert Kardashian t-shirt I reached behind the bed for my Easton bat and it's not there oh I must have been showing it off downstairs okay so now I'm going I'm like I'm out in the uh in the hallway and I'm like I gotta Rush down the stairs which had two turns to it oh God and I'm like I've got nothing except maybe the T-shirt to buy me some time of confusion like if I jumped out and you saw a big down to West and I spun around and there was an equally big Robert Kardashian and it said rest in power you'd be like huh like that [ __ ] it'd give me a minute holy [ __ ] that's a really nice just a hologram show in my exactly am I a Coachella or just like wow that's a really nice way to pay tribute to your parents right and then I could [ __ ] I don't know any but you could do something I could do some Miss Piggy like karate it's fine she would fly through there and uh I go down and it's pitch black and I'm just in the darkness and right then a balloon decides to lose just enough helium that it floats down a big ass Yellow Balloon floats down right in front of my face I've never like it's an Asian guy is more like you haven't I've never been murdered by a clown but I bet right before you're murdered by a clown a big yellow balloon and I said out loud not like this I was so existentially scared and it was I was just like not not now not like this I love that man murdered by a clown in A donde West Robert Kardashian what a way to go though yeah I mean it'd be in the paper you know summertime is knock knocking on the door baby summertime I hear the Heat and our friends at Shady Rays have you covered for the warm weather ahead with premium polarized Shades at an affordable price that's right Shady Rays is an independent sunglass company that offers a world class product durable frames and extremely clear optics for Outdoor Adventures if you don't love your shady Rays exchange for a new pair or return them for free within 30 days there's no risk when you shop their team always has your back exclusively for our listeners Shady Rays is giving out their best deal of the Season go to shadyraise.com and use code Theo for 50 off two plus pairs of polarized sunglasses try for yourself the shades rated 5 Stars by over 250 000 people that's right go to shadyraise.com and use code Theo for 50 off two or more pairs this episode is brought to you by manscaped and what a perfect time considering April is testicular cancer awareness month to help raise awareness and to fundraise for a good cause manscaped is partnered up with the testicular cancer society to remind you to check your golden nuggets this month for anything that's not so golden make sure your nuts are good that's right support a good cause and go to manscape.com and use code Theo to get 20 off in free shipping that's it to help remind you guys that they have the new special edition purple TCS lawnmower 4.0 electric waterproof trimmer whoo that's a lot get 20 off in free shipping with code Theo at manscaped.com that's 20 off in free shipping with code Theo at manscape.com make sure to spread the news and tell your buddies to check themselves in testicular Awareness Month way to go wow man there is you know it really is a test of in those moments what happens you know there was a famous UFC fighter that's got Lionheart Smith who's an amazing guy um he's from Ohio and he got attacked in the middle of the night at his home by a guy on methamphetamines whoa and he said it was the hardest fight he's ever been in his life it's just because he had that meth Never Gonna Never Gonna Give You Up energy yeah I think he had that yeah that meth like Whitney Houston is that Whitney Houston Never Gonna Give You Up no Never Gonna Let You Down that's Rick Astley okay oh is that what Rick Rolling is yes okay yeah yeah that's how I know it yeah interesting um did you ever do methamphetamine I never did man I never did I always wanted to same did you ever smoke crack uh no okay did you neither yeah I didn't get to do Freebase I did I smoke cocaine a couple you did yep and the people smoke it out of I you always see that kind of like glass pipe with the smoke stains in it off a foil oh wow yeah um I get one year sober tomorrow you do yep congratulations thank you man holy [ __ ] not trying to make it about me but please make it about you it's important there's only two of us yeah one year tomorrow oh congratulations a lot of our listeners are um people that struggle so yeah what's been do you mind me asking you when I saw you I probably saw you two months ago and you told me you had like 10 months oh yeah were you did you take time off from working like what was um during the pandemic you got super during the pandemic I went to two different rehabs wow and by December 2020 uh I was sober um I mean I was in rehab then right um but it was weird because it was this during this kind of pause for everyone right so what a blessing that had happened then in some ways did it feel like that did it feel like that I don't man I was I gotta say I did not experience the pandemic the same way other people did I I don't know like I was I was using a lot oh really and uh I just it didn't feel like it didn't feel like anything that different I I I feel bad saying that um yeah I mean you was very bad saying that because it was been pretty hot you must have been pretty yeah or into getting high yeah you weren't even doing the pandemic if you don't know there's I'll say this I didn't know that uh the nasal swab tests hurt until uh well after I got sober okay and then I got one not numbed up by cocaine and I went ah what are they I used to get him and I was like what is everyone complaining about yeah just don't feel like it um did you so cocaine you liked cocaine Xanax Klonopin Adderall Percocet riddle in any kind of speed oh so all that speed huh um would you get I would get so scared at night when I was high on cocaine right yeah that I would be like Googling what can I take with cocaine to go to sleep and that would take me so many hours to I'd look at so many there'd be like you get on these answer sites and people's like you go to Florida yeah yeah I go to quora right or whatever that is right yeah yeah count hey count down from 60 and you'll be dead people would say stuff like that and you're just like oh my so you didn't have like because that's the thing I I actually you didn't take any downers I didn't take any downers so I would lay there in misery I would Google like can I go may I ask did you know about downers I guess I knew about him but I just had never taken them and I was so scared to mix something with cocaine because it would kill me that's what I was fearful that was your worry yeah um I kind of thought if I if I didn't have the right balance yeah I was more like if I don't have enough in the right amounts then something bad could happen but as long as I'm balancing coconateral with Xanax and Klonopin I'll be justified I remember I walked into my intervention I just been to my drug dealers apartment and I finally got the right balance oh yeah one pocket all Adderall and Coke one pocket all Xanax and I was like I have done it I reached equilibrium yeah open the door and a bunch of people yeah it's okay though were you high when you went to Europe yes but I was insisting that I hadn't used drugs in days I went look I am sober right now look at me I am sober right now I kept saying and were you good enough to convince those people that you were no I was pretty strung out by then so it didn't I I I could present really well for a long time yeah but I'd reached a point where um it was just off the rails I'm seeing that about you you're a very good presenter um it's a yeah a a doctor at rehab was like it scares me how good you are at presenting like everything's fine wow yeah so were you um when you got sober a year ago tomorrow you were were you busy with all this [ __ ] you do I was just in my I was like I was in my garage and I would thought I was gonna just I was just miserable I wasn't even using drugs really I was drinking some I was burnt out and exhausted but I just had no program yeah and I was like literally I was just crying and my brother I was like man I just can't live I just I I just can't live like this and I know it sounds like such a weak thing to say but that's just where my mind was you know what do you mean was that a weak thing to say I don't know there's something about it when you like look and you know that you have food and you have shelter to be in a space where you're like to feel like something is wrong with you that you can't fix I guess or if you're just someone who likes to have control and thinks you manage well and you're capable there's some real thing that feels like almost weak and I I'm not saying it is weak but it feels weak sometimes to be like something's wrong with me and I can't there's nothing I can do about it I felt like something's so wrong with me that I have like I've overrided like because we're designed to survive I'd overrided the desire to survive like when you're like when when you want pills and drugs more than you inherently want to like make it through the day that's somewhat weird reverse evolutionary [ __ ] yeah yeah for your brain to basically be able to run the scenario and go we haven't slept in four days we chained smoke we eat Sour Patch Kids we'd never drink water we're blowing tons of coke this isn't Gonna Last and you go I think I think we're gonna keep on I think we're gonna keep doing this um so you were deep in uh how did you get so deep in because I don't think anyone would look at you and think this is the Coke guy good that was the whole thing um I mean I certainly tried to talk about it on stage as having had like a drug and alcohol problem but it just I don't know yeah it didn't something about me seems so to me it's like well of course the guy that seems like he has it all together has the problem because that's just like how life is that's Texas yeah it's almost like this textbook yeah um but that's I I don't put that on other I don't put that on you to be like how come you didn't see it because I was I also I really thought like I really thought that I was doing life I was able to achieve at life with the drugs as opposed to In Spite of them it took me a long time over the past couple years to realize that I did well at what I do in spite of drugs not because of them wow yeah yeah because it would be fun yeah from an outsider I would always look at him and be like oh that guy yeah drugs would not help that guy like that guy is his own he is so unique in his own way that anything to uh like a a a base at or something or debase that would only mess him up but I would have thought I would have thought like I'm delivering something people really like and I think I'm delivering it because I take two 30 milligram Adderalls and then one z-bar and so I'm really sharp but I don't seem jittery and so I go on a podcast or I go on a talk show and I'm just I'm delivering and I'm giving people what I'm naturally good at but I'm a little tired so I can't naturally do it so it's okay it's okay to take it's okay to rip open time release Adderall and dump the beads down my throat and then pop a Klonopin because then I will get to the level that I naturally am at like I just gotta deliver what I'm good at and right now we're running on a lean mixture and it used to be easier but now it's harder so whatever I'm putting in my body to get to that is fine that's like a acceptable you know acceptable you're like your own you're like your own Geppetto almost in a weird way let me think about that how do you uh in what way like you were because if you were kind of running if you wanted to get yourself you were a little burnt out you're trying to get yourself to the place where everybody loves you at and where you know you operate best at so yeah I wanted to be like I'd see myself never see a oh that's something I see a clip of me like I need to be like of myself and be like I need to be like that oh yeah how do I get I how that guy's confident has a bunch of things to say yeah how did he get the how did I how did he have the thoughts oh yeah I thought look man I miss my old self sometimes you're you're using self no just myself like a few years ago yeah there was some yeah that's what I was chasing something there was some moment Maybe you know like 2007 I didn't know what it was but I was like I had some electricity in my eyes yeah where you know wow it's so I gotta get back to that and I just got to get back to that and I just got to get back to that yeah I got somehow it'll happen somehow I'll find the right amount for real you know like I'm 100 serious I that's that yeah that's what I think all the time I look at old things and I'm like oh man I missed that guy yep that was a yeah that's a really entertaining person yeah and I don't even put it on I don't even mean like and I and I people demanded I'm not acting like I couldn't have taken a break and you know it's not like the audience demanded this not at all it was what I wanted to do that's what I wanted oh yeah I don't yeah I don't get that perception yeah no okay but it's interesting yeah I wanted to get back to him I wanted to feel back to myself I wanted to be like that guy was so creative and original I know now I think some of them take drugs because you want to feel like you're 12 or 13 again it's a little messed up it's a little messed up but it also makes sense I think if you for me some of that goes back to I think I know I felt like I I missed out on some childhood so I part of me wants to get back to that I think there's some psycho uh psychology out on it just missed out on like having some moments of childhood that would have felt more comfortable and fun okay um but I think part of it is I uh I used to like the element of surprise when people didn't know me uh-huh you had an element of surprise to people yeah and there were and there was something that was nice about that it was like um it made you be able to be the only one who presented you to people yeah and then as you get more popular I think is the term that I'll use or where people have seen more of you um then there's some expectations or the this the the thing of surprise which made me feel like unique that I can just be the controller of me yeah that goes away because people have already seen you and have some interpretation of you and so I think this all may sound really ego Monaco but that bummed me out a little bit because I think the only thing I ever felt like I had when I was growing up was myself okay and so I wanted to be able to authentically present that as much as I could yeah and um and that goes away as you get more people have seen you does that make any sense 100 okay I mean I don't know what it means dude people used to have stage names for a reason because you know they could go home and be like you know Johnny Starlight is the guy on stage John Mulaney is me the person who I you know the person like I gotta say I I don't you know there's some real destructive part of me that I've worked on a lot but I wouldn't say I have low self-esteem day-to-day which is a really nice thing um and it doesn't seem like you do either so it it becomes like you know I I like myself um yeah if you like yourself and then yourself is out there in the world and it and they seem like you just gotta think of them as two different things I'm not saying this that articulately people had stage names because they could be like well that's something else right that's not me that's not the little kid I was right yeah I think Natalie comes from like those people would have fake names because they'd read a review of themselves and it wasn't their real name so they'd be like oh that's not me right that's a thing now we're so it's hard now everybody knows everything about you within reason yeah yeah I mean it's hard to detach it's hard to keep some things to yourself it's even hard to yeah um yeah though I mean whatever whatever people put out there is also right who knows if it's real or not yeah but it's like it used to be like um like I remember we loved Michael Landon growing up right we had drawings of them and once a year yeah you have Highway to Heaven behind you oh yeah we meaning your family I mean it's whatever whatever political party builds that dude I'm voting for him I'll tell you that you know um uh he was dying through my whole childhood it felt like like Michael Landon like I just remember being a kid and being at the supermarket and like every National Inquirer was like Michael Landon's final battle and I was just like is this person I didn't even know he was an actor I thought he might be famously ill like just a guy in a jean jacket who was always sick um because I never saw Bonanza until like it was on Nick at night and then yeah there he is God look at him so what you were into Michael Landon from we loved him from Little House on the Prairie you know what's crazy one of the first times I learned about drug withdrawal was from Little House on the Prairie oh I know what episode you're talking about yeah not [ __ ] crazy that episode I know nothing about Little House on the Prairie but I saw that once I think Michael Landon stays up with the kid who's on opium and yeah sweats it out it's like Basketball Diaries level it really is in the middle of whatever the hell else used to happen on that show cook and stew or whatever Walnut Grove yeah a lot of like I mean that's when pink eye you would lose a twin the pink eye I remember one episode would be born with pink eye and it was a real oh one yeah there it is that's Albert Ingalls right there he was addicted was that that character so I know nothing about the show was that that character's whole deal was that he was a morphine addict or was that just a special episode no he was adopted and so he had this kind of like uh interesting like space he was always kind of could play this Outsider character um but he he was a friend of their daughter he was a friend of the daughters okay Albert Ingalls you know I saw Nelly Olsen one time at a Starbucks she was the blonde on the show because she was kind of like I really only know the Opium episode but okay okay but she's the daughter and I I was excited yeah that's really cool I know she wasn't excited to hear me tell her I saw the little woman that uh the remember the principal in Kindergarten Cop uh uh she's smaller woman um let me think her name's like Linda not Linda ronstad huh no not Linda Ronstadt the singer Linda Hunt Linda Hunt thank you I saw her at Bristol Farms I was excited there she is oh remember she goes what did it feel like to hit that SOB yeah um anyway I saw her at Bristol Farms that just made me I just thought of that when you said you saw Nelly Molson ianelli Olsen um so why did you bring up Michael Landon I'm sorry I took us we used to love him and we would draw every year mom would like usually at Easter honestly we would draw a picture of him and whoever like draw the best picture would get like a candy or something you and your siblings would do this yeah and whoever would draw the best picture I'm gonna get like a candy or something from Mom and um and he was supposed to come to town one year or something like at the fairgrounds or something where'd you grow up in Louisiana okay but something happened there was like a storm or something he couldn't come and oh [ __ ] oh yeah all the women's Hearts were broken man mom went down there and it was like our big like mom's gonna meet him you know oh man did you guys bring the pictures to show him no no we didn't go oh it was just like women only yeah adults only Michael Landon meet and greet at the county fair yeah and I mean and I just remember Mom coming home and it just was sad yeah for him but yeah it just made me think you couldn't know any more about an act or a character at that point they were almost just their character and yeah if you saw some tabloids you could learn some stuff behind them but you didn't it's hard to even now that I couldn't I didn't even know about his career That's how little I knew about Michael Landon I just thought this man is battling cancer like on the regular in all denim yeah I thought Highway to Heaven was I don't mean this like as a joke like no not at all man I thought Highway to Heaven was like not a documentary but I just was it was like he was always dying and then he had this show called Highway to Heaven and I just thought they were somehow I was like oh this is just someone we're all watching through go through the final stages of Life yeah it turned out he had a big acting career yeah yeah yeah like this guy's in traffic to get to heaven like how long yes yes yeah yeah but yeah we missed I mean that was a bummer for us when you look back so whenever you start whenever you so were you surprised that you were an addict or did you know you were an addict um I had like Skin Deep self-awareness of like I have a drug problem uh I'm I love drugs I like them too much I don't like them the way other people like them it's not like oh that was fun let's do that again in two weeks this was like I think I think the plan for the morning should be to get more of that um I knew I liked them more than other people but I it was but no not to the depth that it was what do I mean to say I had us I had a surface level awareness and I would joke about that and and say you know oh I got sober in 2005 which I did but I slowly got back into Pharmaceuticals over the next you know 13 14 years prescribed then not prescribed or prescribed then abused but prescribed then bought on the street then everything were you buy them off of Craigslist and stuff like that even no I always thought that might be cops smart um and it's depressed pills it's a lot of like I have friends this was even before I had an awareness that there might be fakes out there like that yeah um I've definitely bought Adderall a couple times and snorted it and thought this is what is this yeah oh I bought a whole thing of something one time and did it all and it wasn't it wasn't cocaine nope no God ugh and I don't know what it is and I still imagine one day I'm gonna walk past a chemical and and it's going to connect a little oh you'll smell it or something you'll smell a chemical and you remember that that was what you bought he'd be like oh it was me or something you know what I'm saying yeah uh no it the um the realization that I actually had no control over this took a long time wow that's a hard thing for people to convince it's a hard I mean I still struggle sometimes even if I sit in a meeting and there's still part of me that doesn't want to say I'm an alcoholic yeah or an addict I to me I go it's more complicated than that yeah like you don't get it it's not it's not that I'm like it's not that just that cocaine's addictive and when I do it I'm addicted it's it's a different thing I use it in a different way and the way I see it my relationship with it it's just yeah I kind of have a romance it's like a i romanticize it 100 I write everything in my life me too yeah do you think you're in a movie no I don't I do think I'm in a like one of those fun houses sometimes but the fair is [ __ ] closed you know oh wow and it's because the storm came in and Michael Landon came Michael Landon canceled who was the first famous person you ever met if Michael Landon canceled that um let me think of who it was that's a great question maybe saw uh probably the DARE officer at our school but he wasn't like nationally famous but he was how famous was he he was like the biggest guy they ever made in the whole world and what do you mean when the car would pull up like I remember one time he like shot people from the car he couldn't get out of like the officer vehicle or whatever he was a huge man he was a oh he was a big fella he was an obese man and he and he would come to speak about dare yeah and he got out of the car but uh there were Tales of him at crimes where he'd just pull up and just start popping off you know because he couldn't at some point he couldn't even get out of the vehicle oh so he'd fire from the vehicle and open fire so he was like uh in our area he was pretty popular Ronald Reagan um was his name no that'd be crazy it also happened to be named Ronald Reagan uh the first Fame I don't know there was this uh like did you see Reagan somewhere no but we built the tallest statue of Ronald Reagan in our town whoa he was supposed to come and he didn't come wait a minute he you built the tallest statue of Ronald Reagan in the U.S yeah or in the world ten foot tall look it up Zachary please tallest statue of Ronald Ronald Reagan yeah Reagan Covington Louisiana there you go God damn that's not a bad statue I thought they did pretty good you know what I would do if I was putting a photo on this website as I'd show how tall it was yeah as opposed to these close-ups it's a great Point actually see it in a cowboy shot and it's supposed to be real bronze but that something that could be a rumor but oh wow and there we go so okay look at the look at the oh whoa now that's nice that's huge yeah they did a good job uh Pistol Pete Maravich was from our lived in our town and so his sons went to our school Ian's were they good at dribbling and stuff they were good yeah they were good it's a good movie that pistol piece it is good yeah um Ian Somerhalder do you know who that is that sounds really familiar he's a he's an actor can you look him up Ian Somerhalder he went to our school and he was like the most beautiful guy that ever existed in the world and he would just come to the first day of school oh yeah yeah I do know oh that guy's got light eyes like a husky does yeah yeah like those dogs with the light eyes oh yeah like Riff Raff would own this guy um but he uh he would come to school the first day just so all the girls knew that he was like in town and then just go off and be like a supermodel but he would always come the first day of school oh so then you ditched the rest of the you just be like I exist and then he would ditch the rest of the year yeah he was like a kind of no dummy no it was oh he was smart he knew how to do it but he was too almost too handsome to even exist kind of you know like he was just that Dracula handsome you know yeah I remember as a kid not realizing that people disliked Ronald Reagan like I I remember being like that's the president so Everyone likes him yeah and then this kid in in class uh Matt Murphy he told me Ronald Reagan hates poor people and I said well that'd be impossible because he's the president and he's like the best person in the world because he's why else would he be the president yeah I did not have nuanced political views at that time yeah yeah me neither I think yeah if I thought somebody was the president then they this cared about everybody yeah it was a it was an outlandish charge yeah to go from I was I was clocking him as best person in the world now to find out he especially doesn't care about poor people yeah you know Morgan wallen's on tour and so is uh suicide boys I love both of them uh Jesse Murphy's touring I like her I like a lot of different bands and performers Parker McCollum all of that and that reminds me actually seat geek with over 28 million downloads seat geek is the number one rated ticketing app there are more than 70 000 events every single day on seat geek including concerts Sports festivals and more for sports we got the NBA and NHL season in full swing for concerts Morgan Wallen Drake Beyonce look they put all the tickets across the web in one place to make sure you're getting a good deal at SeatGeek each ticket is rated on a scale of one to ten so look for the green dots green means good red means bad every ticket is backed by their buyer guarantee and seat geek is the only site that lets you return your tickets added ahead of the event with swaps and you know I came through for you guys use my code Theo for twenty dollars off tickets at SeatGeek that's 20 off your first purchase with promo code Theo make sure you click the link in the description to download the app you know what's free right now is gamer sups that's it gamer sups it's the best alternative to traditional energy drinks and sugar loaded beverages this is an alternative to those gamer sups GG energy is a zero sugar keto friendly source of caffeine that gives you the energy you need without worrying about a crash later no crashing gamer Subs has lots of cool flavors like guacamole gamer fart 9000. and titty milk and more that's right claiming free samples is easy just go to the link gamersupps.gg Theo Von which will take you automatically to the free sample packs that's it you can get a free sample of gamer Subs on their website but for the next 24 hours if you use code Theo vonnet check out you will also get free shipping and a custom theovan sticker for the first thousand people to order the samples that's right go to uh www.gamersups.gg theovan and use code theovan to get free shipping on free samples for the next 24 hours I'm trying to think of who is the first famous person that you met um because you've run in some pretty famous circles now well but as a kid um hmm and you're from where you're from Chicago Illinois oh wow yeah we grew up in the city Mike Ditka maybe did you see him you know I'm trying to I feel like I saw Chris cellio Jim McMahon somewhere yeah yeah but I I can't I I can't I can't Square it who was the first I ever saw Jim McMahon Jim McMahon or was he just so famous I felt like I knew him that was a weird thing about um growing up in Chicago in the late 80s early 90s as we just I just thought that wherever I was the best basketball team would be like I didn't I kind of associated it with my own well yeah and having my own presence and moved to LA wow that's crazy I was just like well of course like my you know and everywhere we would go on vacation and people be like Chicago Michael Jordan I'll be like yeah I know like we got it we did it we got it we got it covered and then you moved to LA and then yeah and then I moved to New York yeah well also the the Bulls just you know they were so good 97 98.99 I saw B.J Armstrong at my gym wonderful wonderful guy and I love seeing him yeah every time I see him I'm like I know it's you and he's like you've told me that seven times he's out here in L.A yeah he's an agent I believe at a sports agency but um super nice guy I think if it's Iowa or Iowa State for college but uh I always doubt we get so excited seeing him America loved that team though I mean unless you were like in Cleveland or New York I met Barclay once or I met him twice because he hosted Saturday Night Live a couple times did he only host once no he hosted twice but I was only there the one time um and I asked him about the Dream Team because we you know with Barkley like we weren't going to write together uh so Tuesday night the host would walk around the different offices and Simon Rich this writer and I that worked together a lot we just asked him we go what was the Dream Team like and he went oh man he goes if you ever get a chance to go to the Olympics do it I was like okay I'll make sure to but he told me he goes we we would beat those guys by a hundred points and then they'd ask for photos wow he was like it was the greatest time ever of anyone doing anything that's awesome Larry Bird was on there yeah John Starks Horace Grant made that team member yes he did 92 David Robinson Horace Grant made the team I'm pretty sure David Robinson Scottie Pippen I don't know if Horus made it you're right he didn't Scotty yes Scotty Stockton Claude Drexler yeah who always looked 55 somehow Carl Malone out of Louisiana Tech yeah he went to Louisiana Tech he did Christian late and was on there I wonder how interesting that was for him Christian Laettner no Bobby Hurley he always looked like the richest guy in the world you know he had like the most he had uh it was a haircut it was just a haircut thing yeah yeah let's zoom in on later a little bit he kind of had the most punchable face in a weird way which is a messed up term to use but he had it man he had the most damn point was it him or him or Christian ladies right there yeah Christian Laettner you got the magnifying glass right over him he looks a little zooted out there yeah dude I ended up did you ever have a weird scenario because I had one like I ended up in a taxi cab all right zooted up man some girl where where do you mind where were you living at this point I was living out here okay and that's when I kind of like I had a couple nights in a row where I got really just just coked out right and I started just and then I was in New York one night and a girl said something to me in a taxi oh I tried to give her a smooch right and I wasn't being aggressive or anything she was flirting I tried to give her a smooch she kind of like rejected me she was kind of mean about it right um or I took it as mean right okay and it was fine she got out of the tax there was no animosity between us it was just you know it wasn't going to happen and but then I something in my head like I told the driver let's go get some cocaine you know so next thing you know me and this Taxi Driver are getting some cocaine and um and then he at one point wants to get some hookers you know the taxi driver yeah I'm surprised he didn't think it was a uh sting that you were asking to get cocaine I feel like that's a lot of drivers actually get pinched that way yeah I think I I think maybe yeah I guess he didn't give up you didn't seem undercover yeah yeah I seem to overcover probably I think he's like damn somebody better cover this you were covered yeah yeah so anyway dude fast forward a couple hours later I'm driving this guy's taxi he's in the back and we're talking about an LA Yellow Cab we're talking about a New York I'm sorry New York New York Yellow Cab okay great we're up in North Harlem I'm driving this guy's taxi and he's in the back with a hooker right did he have the beaded seat thing how was the seat comfort on the seat the back seat was pretty nice I remember the front seat once you were driving I thought it was pretty good I was pretty scared I just wanted to get back to my hotel sure sure and I didn't know I just I would love to be up in that cockpit for a second you know of a real New York City Yellow Cab and just see the setup because I never get my setup right it felt like thanks to phone cord to just like I I never feel like I had my console right yeah you're right I'd like to see how they do it I think it never it felt like somebody had sat in there who had like it felt like the guy in there was like he was gonna leave his children probably oh okay it had a sinking yeah yeah yeah you could feel the despair also the guy was in the back seat that's true so it wasn't just yeah so in terms of his Vibe you it had you had it coming from a bunch of directions right and then anyway so I ended up on and I had to do Opie and Jim Norton that morning right oh so I ended up on the radio and Daryl strawberry was in there and um I get to the radio station I can't even talk right I'm just like blasted out of my brain you know and I'm still thinking I was still ducking off in the bathroom I'm doing cocaine in the bathroom or in the Stalls at serious radio Andy Cohen's in there peeing in the next one talking to me right and I'm just sitting in there just blasting up yeah yeah yeah and uh and then what I wouldn't what I would I would always kill for the single occupant bathroom yeah with the key oh when you got in there you're like God it's your office what won't I blow this line off yeah I got every surface imaginable from counter the saddest part was doing some cocaine off the um baby changing station yeah I got a joke about that in my new special do you yeah right yeah just for you thank you um but yeah so that was a that was a night for me when oh and I saw Daryl strawberry he was on the radio station right oh you saw Daryl while gacked up he was the other guest oh wow so that was a moment for me where everything kind of lines could you tell no hmm I don't think I had on sunglasses which was weird I've been doing well going on this show yeah and I had on sunglasses and uh I could barely talk I remember yeah and that was scary because my only gift I had in my voice the only thing in my life I'd had to express myself was my voice yeah and suddenly I couldn't use it okay and you had and your mind which you now had to use because you were going to be interviewed on the radio yeah and it was real scary and then also this moment of seeing Daryl strawberry someone who I had always thought was all coped out of his brain sure because that's all I'd ever heard right was the old stories I didn't know that he was a sobra guy and had his deal together oh yeah I assumed he had his deal together but I did think he'd be able to spot you still yeah I didn't know what I thought I think okay which I don't know if that even makes any sense but there was some alignment at that moment of like me not having control over my voice me having a perceptionist somebody else that was false or something sure and that just lined up and you hadn't slept and you were on cocaine yeah yeah but it lined up for me that I needed something whatever that like like like the uh what's that thing you tighten with the colors in it Kaleidoscope whatever the Kaleidoscope is that it makes people have to realize that something is wrong yeah though that was the moment where it was like oh that's interesting I could see right down those things never made me those like being in Midtown Manhattan have a meeting have a you know have a big like production meeting on something um and you could be able to get there get there half hour late uh uh desperate to have a cigarette so like finding an abandoned office and smoking out the window and being almost very much in trouble and it being really clear those moments were so about surviving that that hour that they NE I never thought about them with any deeper perspective I never thought oh my God what has my life become I was just like I it would be easier to take the train I'd be faster to take the train home to my cocaine but I can't do Coke on the train so it was all just like figuring out the video game of being a drug addict wow took up it was just a Scramble for the present problem and as soon as that problem was solved I moved on I wasn't like I can't believe you know I remember I went I went into a meeting holding a bottle of Pedialyte because I was not eating anything I was just drinking Pedialyte doing cocaine and I was I was with people I knew and we were waiting for other people to join the meeting that we didn't know and I said if my nose bleeds or if I pass out it's because I have a sinus infection don't worry you know and I'll give a signal if I think I'm about to pass out and then then and even to them I was like because I'm sick right because that's why wow yeah what's the signal too I can't remember um something like I got you know Geronimo um would be a great thing to say before you pass out in your nose explodes with blood yeah that covered it well or timber timber yeah uncle yeah yeah to do all of life to the gods yeah um wow so people just didn't know huh well they reached a point where people wondered um were you getting too big in pot were you getting too popular that people were even afraid to question you and kind of thing I don't think so right I don't think so um because like I was been very lucky with um I've been very lucky with having an audience that's grown and grown but you know you gotta that that's a certain level before no one will question you right I don't even if they have that level on TV sometimes but I wasn't like you know right I wasn't uh Steven Spielberg or something yeah Michael Landon that wasn't some Michael Landon who a bunch of Yes Men tell him he doesn't need to show up to the State Fair oh That Shook us man what do you have a lot of people did you have a lot of people around who knew about your problem I have family members it's like addiction is in my family so there's um so I remember I would drive by the A8 there's an AAA room down the street from where I stay in Los Angeles and I would drive by there even through the parking lot sometimes and one time a family member of mine was like you know normal people aren't driving through the parking lot of AAA meetings to see what's going on right so there was something inside of me that wondered and the biggest thing for me is a mo is like it like make trying to keep my emotions sober like I wasn't insane like I definitely partied some I don't drink because I'm afraid if I have a beer I'm gonna go get cocaine I've never had a drinking problem yeah I'm gonna take one Sip and then it just gives me an excuse to get Coke right but mine was just always like thinking something was wrong with me I always felt like I've always felt like something like there's a to-do list that I never even wrote yeah that I'm responsible to do and the pain the energy the responsibility of it is always every day when I wake up I'm like I gotta go I just have to do so I always have to do so it's just I have to prove I'm trying to prove myself to nothing yeah I don't even know what it is so that was something in my life that made it tough um that just exhausted me you know so a lot of my stuff came from that kind of thing like um just feeling inferior trying to always make like I'd I'd fall in love with a girl and then the second I if I got a date with her the second I did there was some other girl it was like just I always needed more I always needed something else there was always a missing piece to me being okay yeah and there was no there was I could there was never a piece I could find that was gonna make it that would fit there's no piece out there it was just there was something wrong with my program in a little bit how did you feel at that time did you feel like other [ __ ] needs to other people and other things need to fall into place so I'm happy or did you feel like it was on you you know people who blame the outside world yeah they go yeah my problem is that people come into my life and create stressful situations or that thing of like if you meet one [ __ ] one day you met an [ __ ] if you meet an [ __ ] every day you're the [ __ ] um I think that happened kind of later the like but early on it was just I'm not doing well enough I'm not doing enough to be okay for myself was what it turned into um doing enough like in your career in anything something yeah and it was always this invisible thing like nothing was ever I couldn't manage well enough to make things okay even if I was managing great you know um and I couldn't enjoy I was never I was never enjoying myself I was always caught up how can things be different or better or you know uh so a lot of that stuff for me a lot of like not even knowing who I was like I need to needing you to let me know who I was if I was okay yeah for sure all that kind of stuff so the drugs was just I think uh I like drugs because I like cocaine because it I could feel how I wanted to immediately yeah of course like liquor and beer and stuff it's like that was just a bunch of damn just yeah it's it postpones [ __ ] yes I wanted the Express Train I wanted to feel I wanted to feel right now oh my God yeah but then I would get I would get I would end up by myself looking at pornography you know just geeked out looking at hookers just it always devolved into some weird space for me too and well and you're chasing some you're chasing I mean people say you're chasing the first time you did cocaine I don't think that's true you're just chasing the yeah you're chasing the first line that night oh yeah and if I think about doing cocaine say if I think about it right I think some of them at a party right there's somebody you open a cabinet there's some tits in there for some reason right it's a party you know and somebody has some cocaine if I do some in this hypothetical situation yeah the next thing I think about doing is another line of cocaine oh of course I don't think about enjoying the party I don't think about if you know uh when I think about getting a bat I mean I just go okay well all right now we need a bag of this and fewer people that know about it the better yeah yeah yeah now that was a fun thing too is the secret Espionage side of it it was almost like you were oh my God yeah you were like the the bad guy that everybody was looking for you talk about the Craigslist thing I mean there was a guy I don't know a guy it was a Craigslist ad that someone was selling Adderall in L.A the ad was written like home from finals and have all this leftover Adderall and I remember thinking remember thinking how can I pull up and I was like how will I know if it's a sting and also I kept thinking like this is a pretty low stakes thing for the LA County Sheriff's Office to be behind yeah like to wanna meet in a recreational park to sell someone 10 Adderall it's a lot of Manpower yeah on a pretty small movement um and then I thought will it help or hurt that I'm a little famous like when I pull up will it be more like could I yeah will I be more noticeable or um will that become a distracting thing right like officers I'm just you know of course it's not me I don't know man you paint so many great scenes I was so late all It's the funniest thing was I was so late to meet drug dealers because I was a cocainext everything was always running and I had a dealer in La who was Fury I mean she was so angry about the time she was always like we don't do should we she had some operation with her sons we don't do this we don't do this yeah it's like a family recipe it was just like this is a half hour late I was like you got you're you gotta understand your clientele like we're nothing we're not waking up ready for our errands we're not waking up yeah yeah we've been up we've been up there's I'm you have to go to a bunch of different ATMs you know that this is a this is a process yeah I'm on a Pedialyte hotline right now I'm chugging Pedialyte and if I yell Geronimo it means I'm about to pass out you gotta cut me some slack also LA traffic is a real thing I thought taking Wilton would save time I had a dealer once who preferred to deal in front of police who preferred to deal in front of police stations on the theory that if he got jumped he would rather be close to police oh yeah yeah that makes sense I guess so wasn't the most fun it's scary yeah it wasn't a great meet up but yeah oh the scariest like I remember like this guy would always bring his husky with him right so okay the Husky would come up to the car first right and kind of he's like you know the drill pause that like just up to the window yeah and you like you know the drill Willis is gonna Circle the car or whatever the Huskies named Willis right so I'd be sitting in there and I was what's that drill what's the what's the Husky doing the Husky would kind of come up and just go around the car you had to keep the windows down to make sure there were one of the people in the car I think just to you know I think he you know the first time he brought the dog in just in the sat in the back of the vehicle okay so the dog would get to know your smell right so I think now the dog had like a semblance of you know who was who right okay so Willis would come up and he starts smelling but I would get I was so just gacked up I was just paranoid right and then one time he gets in man and he just starts crying the dog um foreign the guy I don't know if I'd have been able to know maybe I could have noticed if the dog was crying but I don't know if I could have but the man got in and wept and he started crying yeah and he said his mama just died oh my God and I did it slow down the transaction I needed to get that coat yeah so it was like I remember in my head being like for 60 seconds you have to talk about his mom or make sounds that are sad sad sounds so where's Willis at this point Willis sit in the back okay so between you two yeah kind of like we're sitting there we assumed uh dog's eyes moving back and forth yeah yeah and I just remembered this like making just like kind of sad like God that's awful just like oh that's awful God oh I never I remember one of the sounds was like it was like oh like it was almost a little not sad it was like oh that's the worst sound because now you just you went through your your sfx bank and you just hit a weird one yeah A through Z of sad yeah yeah [Music] to you know just like but I remember I got to one I was like oh because I'm just thinking I'm ahead 60 seconds sad sounds 60 seconds of sad sounds get to the code get to the coke yeah and the dude is crying man it's just so moments like that where you just like what is going on I don't know how to handle this well I will say there's a lot of factors in that story and and [Music] yes you know you could have had more empathy in the moment but he's also a drug dealer who brings a husky into your car and Willis is sitting in the back seat so it's an odd situation yeah it's not like anyone else would have handled it a lot better yeah I always took odd situations like that like it was totally normal I think and I still have yeah 100 nothing about that nothing about those things I remember thinking like God the day is how do people get through their day with all these meetups they have to do yeah cocaine dealers you mean yeah just or like you know yeah buying pills and I was like man I was like what I can barely I got a call but I'm supposed to meet this person before I'm not gonna you know how many business calls I did on mute you know like on a street corner being like dang you said six you said six you said six yeah okay cool yeah yeah yeah no I mean we love no like we love the script you said six I was like it was a real uh it was exhausting it was exhausting yeah but it kept you in the moment I'll say that I had reflexes like an alley cat yeah you know like yeah could grab this it was like uh people meditate to be in the moment you know like when people do like mindfulness meditation it's to be fully present and like when I was trying to get drugs I was full I was like okay bird siren off in the distance bicycle that's the second time that like every single thing we're here yeah yeah it did put you right there right there there was some immediacy God damn it maybe there was something about that that I really liked about it that it puts you right like because now I will say this I've thought a lot about the moment right like the moment doesn't exist as much as it used to the moment it used to be if something happened it wasn't recorded all the time it wasn't captured on a phone if you had a good story you had to get to your friends and tell it yeah and if somebody else had a good story you had to get them to the party that he dude listen to what happened to Ron right yeah and that was the only way in the moment was like it wasn't able to be captured right okay so it had so much value whereas now all moments are captured right so it's like there is not as much value to them in a way because they're yeah well do you think that's the capturing of it like you mean you can get a photo or a video of it or do you think that as we get older we just had so many moments they become I don't know they just become a little less it's a good point like time like time people say that about time that's a great that's a really good point like time when you're young everything takes so long but when you're older it takes it goes faster because you've done it so many times yeah like the most I mean we both get to do really exciting things but we've done versions of them before and you go oh this is this is yeah okay this is how I thought this is what I thought it might be like okay yeah it's the same feeling as you know the moment yeah I think uh I never take stock in the moment really I never do I I just like I've never seen like playing the world's greatest venue or I never I mean you know I later I I can appreciate those things but I never have uh I remember I was down uh in the bottom of Patagonia in Chile and it was like all glaciers three hours from Antarctica I was just staring at the sun setting over all these glaciers and I was saying to myself like try to enjoy this try to enjoy this try to enjoy this adjust just uh later I appreciated it but I'm never really oh my god do you think that the world is boring to you and this isn't a judgment of you this is like like sometimes as uh I think as somebody who has been in and out of recovery and stuff like that I've noticed at times that I looked at the world in ways the world always felt a little bit boring to me um I used to have that yeah I I did um yeah what do you think or that boring or that boring not that the world was always boring excuse me but that boring was the absolute worst state to be in boredom was intolerable yeah and it's tough if you have a creative mind because a creative mind can get kind of bored kind of easy because it can think of different things yeah so it has more toys to play with you know I also have a thing so it's less like you were saying you had kind of the grass is greener Envy for you always wanted more of some other scenario I also like I reached a point where I felt um I felt very satisfied I remember I was doing this tour in 2017 and I was on stage at a theater in St Louis and it was sold out and it was a Tuesday you know it wasn't like and I remember when I first went to the Comedy Cellar rock or one of these guys being like anyone can sell out on the weekend wait till you sell out on a Wednesday or a Tuesday so I'm on stage and it felt like the end of the movie comedian you know the documentary Seinfeld which when I saw that I was like that's what I want I want to stand in a theater and do stand-up like that's what I want and then I was doing it and I thought it wasn't a bad feeling but the feeling was okay this is it this is all this is kind of as big as I pictured like and I'm doing it and that's great right but I had a slight feeling of I don't know okay I don't know what's next like I was a bit um I started I started to freak out because I was kind of sad I was a little satisfied yeah but I but I don't want to I don't want to make it seem like it was a good feeling it was an odd feeling yeah or sort of this is it this is what I wanted and it's pretty cool right but having a goal really kept me uh occupied and I wasn't sure if I had another one wow dude that sounds like a great entry to like a mer like a detective scenario having a goal really kept me off yeah having a goal kept me moving and I and I had reached the other one yeah it seemed like I mean it was a very very lucky golden I got a p man yeah I'm gonna pee real fast okay cool you all right 100 right um when you think about like you're so I think that these days there's kind of like two can I ask you something else about addiction go ahead please okay I think there's like two types of addiction that I notice I notice people that are like alcoholics right like they have what is in like the the big book of alcoholism you know what I'm talking about yeah yes they have the disease of alcoholism then I also notice there's this other group who have opioid addiction right yeah yeah yeah and it's no I'm not saying that some of them couldn't also have alcoholism no but there's something about the I mean there's something so Insidious about opioids and how they get in people's wiring yeah that you're not I don't want to get into the whole like willpower and disease and I know that a lot of people have a lot of feelings about that all of them valid but you're not choosing to take that opioid like that that is some science fiction level [ __ ] the way it gets into people's uh you know limbic system and like you cannot stop taking them you are in agony and is that and that just seems like that just seems like some other uh there should be a different word for it other than addiction because I think most people associate addiction most people would say like it's not a choice but you guys are choosing it a little bit and there's I don't know it's a I I really do respect everyone's thoughts on that because it's a tricky [ __ ] thing but with the opioid compulsion to take the opioid or the dependence the opioid dependence I guess that that does feel like something else sometimes yeah it's almost like they made a cheat code for your DNA yeah it'd be like if you you know if you like handed someone someone who doesn't like cocaine and you handed them a flower every day with cocaine in it and they smelled it eventually want more cocaine you're yeah it feels like you're getting into the wiring of people who we're just looking for pain management right right and we're not looking to feel um you know some sort of psychological physical we're not we're not trying to feel some drugged out feeling right yeah we're not trying to change their state of consciousness I guess yeah it's almost like they just they took into a new lab and like we're going to find some way to Trump the the system yeah I mean drugs are already overriding your desire to survive in a lot of cases and opioids it seems like 10 times more so yeah yeah that's one thing it's just unbelievable to me it's like and how our country lets that kind of happen like how our Drug Administration like that did you see dope sick I did yeah it was excellent it broke my heart yeah you know it just like you'd think there's a I think it used to feel like when Reagan was in right back when Reagan yeah that they're never never did a thing wrong right but or just whoever it used to feel like at a time in in in life right and this could be me romanticizing life that there was a time when your government or some overall governing bodies like they looked out for the humans for the people in the country right maybe maybe that's a just a crazy View but he used to know I don't mean I I I didn't make it you feel like crazy but yeah I guess and maybe that was just me being a kid and the Pledge of Allegiance it could have you know yeah I think there's a but then now it seems like you do not can you cannot count on your country to look out for you or you're the administrations within your country I'd say that that's what I got out of dope sick kind of it was like they trumped the because they hired people from the Food and Drug Administration and then work on their own board and they kind of like they made it so they would keep getting these pills like past like able to be used yeah well it's the basic problem that with um with harmful habits I know that sounds like a corny way to say it but with things we do to ourselves we have a morality play about it you know like um oh yeah they took they took opioids for post-surgery and then they couldn't and then they they couldn't stop and they started lying to their doctor and it all it very quickly becomes um something got set in motion but you the user of the chemical you're kind of the problem you know you're you don't have strong willpower you would rather be high on an opioid I mean and and there's again like it's a strange thing here's how I sort of feel like is are are drug addicts making a choice when they use drugs this is a crisis we set in motion but I don't think we're in control of it at all at a point I mean this is because it's a crisis whose timing you can't control like the the immediacy of drug addiction you can't predict you have no power over once it starts right um no it's it's that we see it as a story of uh a bad thing you did you know like I think some people look at Tiger Woods and they go his pill use is kind of because he had a tragic character flaw earlier in his life as opposed to maybe the guy that has to perform at that level physically might develop a dependence on pills I do think people like to read into the dependence on drugs some sort of like deeper moral problem you have and it might be because when you are on drugs you make seriously a moral decisions sometimes so I don't know so I don't think the country's ever looked out for I think a lot of I mean I don't judge people for having a harsh view of addicts a lot of people have addicts in their lives and you can't just go it's a disease and I you know like it it can really um it's very painful to other people yeah oh yeah I mean it's a mess they're a mess yeah life's so hard already life's like life's like a table piled high with so much [ __ ] like a bad you know when you go to like a little restaurant in a tiny circular ass table and they don't have room for anything oh yeah table pile type of [ __ ] and drugs come in and drugs you think are going to solve all your problems and they kick the legs out from under it yeah they're just a mess it's it's they're a disaster they're a disaster do you what do you think I know people use them and they don't feel it no and some people are talking just for myself right they're a disaster oh yeah I remember I got back from that trip of doing the taxi driver ended up dropping me off he uh after you did opium yeah right so then I had to go to the hotel go to the airport after oh I ended up I get to the only way to the airport I'm still texting the taxi driver yeah seeing if he can get us some coat like I'm leaving there's no oh yeah yeah I'm texting the guy I've been up all night with and then when I get home I had left some cocaine on my counter I finally get off the plane as a miserable flight you're just kind of rattling the whole way yeah you get there I walk in my apartment there's still some cocaine on the counter and I did it of course and I was like I gotta get some help okay I would never for one it was my part of my career I'd worked so hard for and then I'm having good opportunities like Opie and Jim was an amazing opportunity to be on there and I was letting drug like drugs were there it was just like and if you'd asked me the day before would you ever go to Opie and gym high on cocaine I'd be like you are out of your mind yeah and so there I was you know so I was like wow I have no control over this um and then it becomes who the hell scheduled Opie and Jim when I'm in the middle of my cocaine are people nuts you want me to go to Midtown Manhattan to the serious satellite radio building and record this when you were grown up were you a hard kid for your parents to kind of deal with or do you think that they no I tried to keep my personal life very separate from my family I I really I like I know were you really I didn't want to bring trouble home because that's everyone I I looked at people who would get in trouble a lot and it's like they'd leave their cigarettes out they'd you know they'd they they get they'd tag up their own garage like whatever right right I was just like leave that [ __ ] outside um so you were good at hiding things I was like uh I was like a Michael Clayton of bad kids I was like I kind of I was like a fixer I was like all right here's what we're gonna do he's the fixer yeah have you seen that movie with George Clooney he's a lawyer who kind of like I mean I guess he doesn't fix the major problems in the movie so but he's affected yeah he just is a like you know we're gonna get there it is the truth can be adjusted yeah there you go that's the that should be the because I had a line for stand-up comedy um all of a lot of these sound like the titles for specials that you would have I feel like yeah the truth can be adjusted John Mulaney um but yeah do you feel like it was any part of your like childhood that like that you see that like part of your addiction like or do you not is there not a big connection there yeah there's I mean um no not at all I do what I do and I don't let it interfere with business AKA in that case School and I don't let it interfere with my business meaning you know eighth grade freshman year of high school and I don't bring that [ __ ] home you know I don't um I don't smoke pot in my parents house whatever it was I I took great pride in in having a hard separation between my life and my family like real Mafia Like rules like we don't talk I don't bring that home to my family yeah that's pretty amazing yeah and because it made my life easier not to yeah I mean I almost got kidnapped twice and I didn't tell my parents because I thought it was gonna gum up dinner yeah I just thought it was like I need to be able to move free around the city I'm eight years old okay I got [ __ ] to do and if they think you know it's dangerous this is gonna slow me down yeah yeah that's kind of the voice that comes out sometimes in your material you'll be telling a story about being eight years old you're like but I need to be able to move free about the city right I don't have time for this yeah this is the game I'm in this is the game I'm in yeah these are the decisions I've made yeah yeah these are the choices we've made um were you a happy kid yeah I think I was just kind of a loner I I didn't really trust the world so I got into my own space pretty early what were your hobbies I like to collect stuff and hide it under my I had three shelving unit in my in my closet I like to hide weapons under my bed yeah for home invasions oh yeah crowbar um hammers wow yeah ready to rock I I was on the third floor of our house I figured I'd hear I thought no one in my family was ready that's what I thought I saw Cape Fear the Robert De Niro one oh my dad's a lawyer like Nick Nolte in that movie and I was like oh my God Nick knowledge gets his ass kicked like my dad would get his ass kicked by Robert De Niro yeah long hair Robert De Niro would beat the [ __ ] out of my dad so I started putting Weapons Under My Bed and I was just ready to go and my whole plan was the the circuits for the house were also on the third floor so I was going to shut all the power off nice and now they're on my turf hmm now I'm in charge dang yeah and I'm 10 and I got a crowbar but you're planning it's interesting to have almost so so many of your own like plans it was stressful though oh yeah my parents wouldn't set the alarm I was just like you are fools this is a dangerous world yeah and I'm the only one ready to rock I am locked and loaded bro I would I was so scared like our neighborhood like people are like dogs are always giving birth and people were always like they would always catch men like kind of gaying around like like married men like in abandoned pools and [ __ ] in the neighborhood and people are always doing pills and you know and getting you know filing lawsuits down at the fairground because you go to the fairgrounds like a day early down there for 50 cents you could ride any ride why were people filing lawsuits because they go do that and then they try to you know they ever you know half the people that show up or like laying outside of the room oh I got you okay yeah yeah yeah you know it's just that kind of [ __ ] like did you feel unsafe as a kid oh yeah okay yeah people would drive by our house and like throw rocks through the windows and yell the n-word and stuff and it's like we're not even you know it's just like that could be very confusing to us yeah I was like well I don't even know yeah what's happening you know it was just a scary place right and so I remember at night I would like I wet the bed every night sure I'd went to bed two or three times at night and so I'd get up some nights and have to clean the sheets and lay them back down and then if I did a third time I wouldn't even have any sheets what a lonely activity that is oh it was a little kid in the middle of the night just when you're washing your own sheets just waiting by the dryer I mean like all right yeah up all night no one's maybe your parents know but just smoking invisible cigarettes even yeah just like okay I'll switch them what a lonely what a lonely little errand kids have to do dude that probably was one of the loneliest moments of my probably I would say in my childhood not and not to try to get into self-pity but it's like that was something it would be like man I hate that I do this because I'm scared I feel like something's wrong with me and then I always have to do this by myself you know because it would take you know it would take a good 20 minutes if you clean your bed up and then put on some other sheets and then you know um even if you didn't have to go wash them you know if you had to wash them the next day or something but just to make it all clean you know get out the car the cleanser and clean the clean the stuff but I remember I would look in my closet I would tie tie a string from one door knob to the other like I would make I'd have to look outside of the windows and look in every corner just making sure why would you tie one a string from one door knob to the other and then I put a couple of J Bales on a couple Jingle Bells on it okay and then you would hear them if somebody went one way or the other if someone was coming into your room yeah okay so there was just like a ton of like a lot of fear I had a ton of fear when I was a kid yeah and then I guess when you're in fear you kind of like fear is kind of a lonely place to be oh it's very lonely yeah so you're always kind of ice you're you're the one who's looking out yeah so I think maybe a lot of that kind of shaped how I was when I was young you know it's probably what hell is being very very afraid that's a good interesting call yeah there's nothing worse than being really afraid really ashamed and Afraid is rough oh a shame too if you put that in there like well if you add to it like I'm In This Disaster and I'm to blame for it yeah yeah did you have any issues as you got more popular with your own ego probably but uh but because I've noticed those in my own life you know it's not a judgment I'm just curious no no no and I'm not I'm not trying when I say but I'm not trying to dial it back um yeah I mean uh ego's kind of a scary thing right because you don't really know where it is yeah I don't know where it is and you don't know what doses are healthy you know how some people have like good boundaries yeah and they're like no I don't allow this and you go like that sounds like sometimes there's a side of me that thinks that boundaries sound stuck up uh like that doesn't work for me I don't allow a hundred people to crash on my floor out of nowhere you know and I'm like like I always uh that didn't really make sense my example um no like I I uh let me think about that I feel like I'm rambling right now it's my ego for sure like like did you feel like once you achieved like some level of success like do you think success was your driving force like what do you think kind of with some of your driving force to do stand up and to to entertain like where do you think that kind of comes from for you is it a necessity is it a desire to be seen as a creative is it what do you think do you have any thoughts on it I have many I'm trying to um let me trying to think of a semi-interesting answer yeah I wanted to I wanted people to say that guy's the best at what he does wow me even if it's 10 people right I wanted I wanted some people to go that is he's the best of what he did my dad's a very successful guy and very um very smart very he just he he had stature to me it still does I mean but he has stature he just people would tell me growing up your dad's the smartest person I've ever met your dad's the best attorney I've ever seen like wow he just I wanted stature from a young age I think well that makes sense now which is a strange thing because what does that mean that means you've already accomplished things past tense or and also it's not great for a comedian you know you don't I don't like when I don't want to be a comedian where it's like everyone respects me but I'm not funny anymore yeah I don't think you could ever be that that's nice of you to say but we all we're all running from that oh that's a good next bet yeah well it's interesting you say about stature because you almost have this thing sometimes and I don't know if or maybe I'm trying to see into this a little where it's like can't you like you almost operate in a way that and you said it yourself like I've I've done this like it's already completed like a little bit guys I'm already the number one entertainment in America can we just sit back and please enjoy it right yeah even though we even though you couldn't even enjoy the moments you know it's like even though it's like but that's almost like what I would perceive like stature to a kid it's like it's already been done you know like it's already yeah it's like the first concert I went to was when I was 11 I went to see Frank Sinatra for my birthday of course you did yeah and what else would you take YouTube and I I asked my dad for tickets I I or I told my dad you know Frank Sinatra's coming to town and he was like what uh you know he's a busy guy he hadn't totally been checking in with me in a couple years he's like Jesus all right so then we went to see Sinatra at a casino in Aurora Illinois and uh yeah that's what I wanted to come out and be and everyone just go like this guy's the best wow yeah there's no question you know when you walked out I I don't know if I've ever I've been jealous a couple times when you walked out in your radio City special the way that thing looked I was like man oh well that's all Alex Timbers our director and but I said that guy looks like a real guy that's what I thought to myself thank you that was the that was the intended that was the desired effect that guy looks like a real guy yeah I'm very envious when I come into like when I when I've run into you um like I don't I don't I feel very out of place in like La a lot like I feel like you guys I feel like I have this thing of like I'm scared to go to the store I'm scared to go to The Improv you guys kill in a different way that I can't do hmm I feel like I get I think there was a time when there was certainly like kind of like a it was like there was the same guys kind of at the store a lot you know no you specifically you because you're you seem like you're having fun on stage oh thank you you're extremely funny thank you you seem like I wish I could be as I wish I could I feel like you're able to access a different level of um understanding of Comedy that I don't and I I when I see you perform or I watch you I I have a lot of I have a lot of envy that this man is this man is very good that's nice of you to say that's that's that stature I was looking for yeah it's a 10 foot tall Ronald Reagan this is a 10 foot tall Ronald Reagan that Reagan won't even visit yeah yeah yeah um I feel like you can go any I feel like especially these days The Comedy Store is very much like I don't know if they're even it's not even that there's not that many people performing over there that are Headliners really you know yeah I guess and that's not the term there's not as many uh there's a lot of news I think like I was doing the bourbon room last night and I was backstage and I have this thought a lot where I'm like who I'm just like I wish I was funny like I wish I was funny like like I'm gonna get out there and I'm gonna do my thing and it's just like I [ __ ] wish I wish I was like like watching your special I'm like oh I was like that I wish I was fun oh that's sweet of you yeah I wish I like like you're working on two levels at once you're working you're working on two levels where you know you both know and you don't know what you're doing yeah you know exactly what you're doing the only other person who can do it is like Tracy I feel like you like you operate at one level that's extremely silly and funny but you're you're aware of that but what you present to us is that you're not aware of what you're saying yeah yeah and I don't know if I am sometimes either that's the tough I think you are but it's but but it's but I don't know and that's what's really that's what's very captivating about it oh thanks man I mean you I remember when Nate bargatsu was on your podcast you said that you were waiting until you got a little older to watch Malcolm in the Middle yeah and I think about like I think about that a lot you know thanks man just what exactly that means yeah I think some things I'm just saving you know what I felt like most of my life but I felt like a late bloomer man I felt like only in the past few years when I got into like trying to get into recovery and stuff have I started to even grow up oh yeah I felt like I put a lot of like I didn't I've put a lot of my evolving off and a lot of me's never wanted to grow up because I still want to get the things I deserved as a child from my environment from my parents and I think there's a part of me that like I mean I can feel it when I even say that I can [ __ ] feel something inside of me grip this literally grip the [ __ ] skin inside of me yeah like don't make me grow up without being able to have had some of these things uh there's a feeling you needed to have as a kid that you didn't have yeah and you don't want to close the door on that until you can give yourself that yeah and I think it makes it real uh it almost makes me hate growing up because I'm never gonna be able to get back there you know I know that sounds kind of crazy but um like I'll never be able to get back to those moments where like my parents should have been in a certain way or things should have been safe or I don't know uh but man I it it hurts me yeah you know and some people say it's like you got to get over those things and you have to go through your step work and you have to let go of resentments and and I believe that right but there's something inside of me that's even although I do those things that still is having a very tough time letting go you know and growing up it's tough man that that part for me has been tough and I know some people may sound that sounds like a baby or whatever uh that's okay I can't I can't deny what I feel you know or what I know it's not even a feeling what's wrong with a baby they're pretty interesting right that's a good point actually yeah the the world wasn't that you had some times in the world wasn't that kind to you when you were a kid yeah I didn't trust it right out of the gate yeah you know and uh sometimes I don't know why my mother had a really tough time like um knowing if there was something wrong with you she couldn't she had like almost an emotional autism I use that term a lot but and my father was real old so I think I was always scared he was gonna die you know sure and uh so it made it just I don't know the recipe was really weird man so anyway I talk about that stuff a lot I'm not trying to harp on it but there's sometimes you just have to wait for yourself to get there you know it's like you can do a lot of the work on the outside but sometimes it's like that inner child or whatever they say like that [ __ ] can be a little slow you know yeah and might always and and he might always be like that yeah I mean you got a lot you got a lot out of being that kid too like your Independence the confidence you have like you had to adapt in a different way and a lot of that has helped you a lot yeah I'm not saying that makes up for it I'm just saying sometimes I wonder myself I go I think I'll be like this all Always Forever yeah I think this might be it and maybe that's all right you know I love the way you're able to have this you have this very like uh looking at the presentation of yourself and like almost like it's a judge at a at a school fair you know like this is like the judge at a Michael Landon drawing contest who's gonna get the treat well guess what no picture's gonna be perfect because there's a bunch of [ __ ] little kids drawing Michael Landon yeah so not one of them is going to be perfect but the effort and the joy of watching a bunch of little kids draw Michael Landon for their mother hoping to win Candy is the is life yeah do I have the best drawing uh yeah I don't know but it's just the fact that everybody's doing it is a good time I guess yeah I mean dude nothing sounds more fun than a family having a Michael Landon drawing contest oh man we were keyed up we were excited [Music] um trying to think of what else we can talk about you know oh yeah sorry and we'll start I'll no I don't I'll put that in the beginning yeah what do you think about new specials as you get as you get older yeah and as we get further away from the the part of us that was the first special yes yeah let's just call it let's call the exciting part of us the first special yeah do you like has it been tough to evolve as a person and as a comedian has there been scary moments where you're like I don't know if I want to evolve like who do I evolve into that's something I think about sometimes yeah I was more uh you know this special I've got coming out um is kind of it isn't kind of it is about everything from Intervention through rehab and after uh so at the moment or in the past two years I haven't wondered what I'm gonna talk about on stage but now having shot this thing in you know and I'm really really happy with it and it's longer than my other specials and it it I'm thrilled that it's longer it's kind of this was the time to do this chunk of material this was the moment in my life to do this with that gone now I start to wonder hmm yeah now I'm now I don't remember how to do comedy and oh that's a great statement oh yeah I don't last night I was like I don't have jokes I don't uh maybe I'll try this old one that was part of the hour that I cut but I just I don't what is going on here how do I do this I don't know what I'm doing wow yeah that's scary it's really scary letting something go putting out something that's new putting out something that's more like obviously we tell stories that are based on our real lives or have moments some of them you know yeah but to put out something that's like really this is like me just tracking part of my life and it was a little bit like I can't I can't do I can't talk about other things until I get this out I don't mean like people were waiting for it I just mean I don't this I this has to be what the next special is and it was rather easy because there were lots of stories from it um wasn't easy to to get it where it was but you know it took two years of touring but it uh it felt like okay inevitably there's you know over an hour of nonsense that happened yeah so do you is it interesting like because some people I think as we get older they want us to be older in a way or they want we have to evolve or something right because for sure you know we can't have the same thoughts and stuff that we had when we were 10 years ago or 15 years ago when we were starting well I don't know is that is anyone saying that no one is I mean that might that's a good I mean wanting to evolve is a good thing it's scary though I think we're always arguing with some straw man that's not really there of what like what we should be talking I mean I don't think that's a good point I was just doing that yeah and now it's trying to bring you into it no I did that last night yeah right I was like oh maybe I should be like maybe I should have a lot of political jokes I thought this standing back I was about to go on well you're respected enough man and it's such an interest you're so yourself that if you just get up on stage I am curious as to what is John thinking about no way that's nice you to say but like I went and saw stavi at the Pittsburgh improv Stavros Hawk yes yeah yeah and that I was like God I was like that's a person who's just funny right away that's a person who's funny where I'm like I'm willing like I'm just gonna watch him talk to the crowd I'm gonna watch any I I would kill to have that wow that's it I well I guess everybody wants a little bit of something else you know or would love to have moments of the other person you know oh yeah oh yeah that's like avi's wild he says [ __ ] a lot too and I don't say it that much he does yeah yeah he does he likes saying I feel like he's almost does it deliberately you think I think he I think he knows exactly what he's doing yeah you might as for it right away or Brody like yeah like that Brody is very interesting the Brody was it's almost a reverse psychology I don't even know what he was doing half the time up there I mean Brody like oh I oh I mean the amount of times I went why can't I here I am it's my own show I'm in a theater I'm in an arena like if I could bring the same excitement that Brody brought to warming up uh a Chelsea Handler audience I'd be I'd have it made why can't I have that thing you know but do you did someone at some point in your life or did some straw man tell you that you don't because like when I watch your special last night I was watching the um yeah I mean some somebody always tells me I'm boring some some voices though you're boring and no no one wants to hear this and you're not fun and you're not you're actually not you're not good at performing your own material that's something dude when I watched that I was like man um and I'd seen it before but I was like I'm just so involved even when you go to get the sip of water and drink it out of the cup and you probably think man it was a last minute decision no stool so the water's got to go somewhere yeah it was really interesting I was like that he put it there that's what he's doing but you probably thinking behind a light bulb well you're going to get it yeah oh yeah I was so bored right now no in that moment I was like can I pick up a glass of water without dropping it in front of 6 000 people because I was like I've never had it on the floor before so no I mean listen I also I I don't mean to sound like oh I feel like [ __ ] about my well we always like we always just want to be something yeah oh it's funny I think there's no doubt there's probably there's probably 20 guys when I watch them like oh man I wish I had some of that you know oh my God yeah that'd be really cool absolutely and you know what I don't think there's anything wrong with I think it's a totally healthy thing I think we've been talking a lot about also yeah the things in us that we feel are missing but it's quite it's a good thing to watch Stavros and be envious yeah like that's that's something that gets me or comedians who write jokes that I'm like you know when I hear well I just saw Nate's special I was like God I wish I had those yeah that's exciting I don't there's nothing to me unhealthy about that yeah that's true it's nice I think and it's really just an admiration to that person but I think that there's so many people that for sure that look at you and and think that way like I wish I could be as put together as that guy you know that's and use the word haberdasher I saw in one of them that was good yeah yeah yeah um uh Harry Truman ran a haberdashery that went bust Diddy that's the first time I think I heard that word yeah little kid hearing about Harry Truman some guy opened one up I think by us when we're growing up and people thought it was like a hash Den or whatever and they shut it down I remember oh wow yeah but um in this violent place you were growing up someone tried to open a haberdashery yeah very nice they had a lot of narcs bus a lot of people were always doing narkin you know oh yeah where they get some kid [ __ ] you know there's a thing called Snap what's it called snaps it was this weird program in Chicago where Chicago PD would send um like two 13 year olds up to a bar to try to get in and then they'd bust the bar I knew I knew this one kid whose dad was a detective and they so they sent him and he went up and he went don't let me in I'm here with snaps I mean if that was true I I in retrospect I I can't imagine that would be like an actual CPD program I like that I like that he didn't want the bar to get busted yeah yeah and then he could probably come back the next weekend and be like I did you a solid yeah let me in yeah then he like gets carted out yeah um what was your like you remember like your first relationship growing up what was that like what do you mean like dating and stuff was that tough for you as a kid or were you pretty good at it no I wasn't good at it um I didn't realize you weren't supposed to tell girls how much you liked them because in movies that's what the uh that's what the hero would do is he'd be like I love you so much and they'd be like oh my God no other guy at school talks this way right so I thought okay you got to be like that you got to be like these John Cusack types who tell you how they're feeling and no one really likes that yeah no one likes that yeah it's too alarming for people the reality of these two Army for people but that was also like again like romanticizing romance I was just like like no one had I brought a heaviness to that that I think people were like this is you gotta relax this is you know making out in winter coats here yeah yeah this is not anything that serious you don't need to be making speeches yeah yeah the train isn't leaving the station yeah yeah and this isn't Casablanca or something yeah you need to like yeah we're gonna share a menthol and then hook up standing up yeah like you need to bring it down a notch with this monologue did you how did yeah what was your first cage at the end of family exactly yeah at the end of the family man have you seen that is that where he can choose between the two paths he's got we got weatherman jersey she's teal yeah yeah yeah we've got two kids Annie and Josh yeah and he like explains to her what their life is like if she doesn't get on that plane you can always go to Paris just not tonight god dude is that a good one man I haven't seen it in some time it's good man it'll make you believe in something what was your first relationship mine this girl um this girl was like kind of doing BJs at school and she liked me right and I didn't it was like she was really funny that's what I liked about her but she was also doing BJs right and people were and nobody was doing them sure and so it was kind of nervous because I I liked her right I really liked her because she was really funny and she was really cute but then the doing BJ's part I kind of I liked that sure but I also was embarrassed in a way because I didn't want people like people were like kind of like you know other people were judging her because she was doing BJ's like real early and you thought they would just they thought your motives would you thought your motives for hanging out with her would be suspect right and I thought that they would judge me somehow I've always um I've always been like I've always taken on the response a bit or taking on the paint or the Judgment that other people put on somebody that I have attached to me in a weird way Uh Oh you mean you get um I get offended or I get like embarrassed oh wow for like something that like uh somebody else will do that I attach myself to it's really I do that too I think I do that too it's really not fair I had a girlfriend that used to she wouldn't know where people were like we were standing around somewhere she had bad peripheral vision and yeah the worst dude it was unbelievable so she would always we'd be talking beautiful girl I loved her but she'd always like walk right back when somebody was walking I'm just like and it ruined it for me oh wow you felt her embarrassment was she herself embarrassed not that much oh interesting so you weren't even feeling her embarrassment you were just feeling the only embarrassment yeah it was almost like the universe had to give it to someone and she was unaware yeah but I would take it on though and I would always be like I'm not gonna let you be a reflection of how people see me no matter who that was and I think that probably goes back to my childhood I was very embarrassed in my situation that I was in or something about it made me uncomfortable so that's how I behave still it's on it's it's not fair to other people you know but then you also like use the way you grew up and those things and now you know that they're of interest to talk about right well it's a big part of my still operating you know so it's like some stuff I still have to really work on I think you know or look at I see but only recently in the past five years have I noticed how all these things play a role in my life yeah um but yeah that first relationship so yeah and then once so we went to a party one night and everybody knew that I was gonna Maybe you know she was gonna do a BJ on me or whatever okay so we picked like this tree to do it behind right and did you talk to her about it yeah we kind of I think written letters at school about that specifically Yeah okay or talk to a friend you know her best friend like it's gonna happen sure so I'm so nervous dude I remember I would barely even go over here we're probably in seventh or eighth grade okay wow and I remembered as being so nervous dude uh yeah I could barely even walk over there and I get by the tree and then we like barely even said any words you know and then she might have felt a responsibility to do it now because we planned it you know I don't even know well you'd exchange many letters over it yeah yeah and then she starts doing it and then the girl's mom whose party house it was like we're behind a tree so the only thing you can't see is the actual kind of BJ and you can see me and her okay and then the girl's mom came out and busted us and it was so and she was uh it was just so embarrassing um it made me oh I just felt so much embarrassment I think for yourself I think for both of us you know but what yeah what she's doing is embarrassing me but then I'm also here you know I'm it I'm here too you were definitely part of it you were half of it you might say so anyway that was I think you know I had some early uncomfort with that uh uh and just the fact that I loved I felt like I kind of loved this girl yeah and other people thought that there was something wrong with her uh-huh and so I think that made me some you know I don't know I think it did something to me a little bit but changed your perception of her yeah and it just made it changed how it made me often of like really conscious of what people thought of who I attached myself to and do you still have that today I think I do still have some of it yeah yeah it's kind of unhealthy well but it's okay I just you know it's something I think I got to go through some different you know work on it more and that's fine but yeah it's all okay man you know it's all okay yeah yeah um John Mulaney is there anything else that you wanted to talk about um I don't want to take up too much of your time because we've chatted for a while I think I want to ask what does Baby J mean because where are you calling your tour from scratch yeah the tour I was just on is called from was called from scratch just because I started calling these shows I did two months out of rehab I started doing these shows at uh City Winery in New York and I just called it from scratch and there might have been I was trying to uh say like all of this is new and please come to the shows but it's gonna be rusty and it's going to be all worked out and messy and Etc and then I just kept calling the tour from scratch I never loved the name but uh uh I didn't want to think of a new one there was too much going on there's too much going on in early sobriety and I I didn't you know I just I just kept going with it but the special is called Baby J which is something I refer to myself as special because the people like when 40 year old men call themselves Baby Jake people find that really cute and like that a lot yeah yeah do you think is it like about being like a late bloomer what is it what what is it kind of in relation to I don't know I just refer to myself as it at one point in the special and it makes me laugh a lot oh nice um but a part of it is trying to get back to that before time like something a lot of the a lot of the um tour I just did we used my first grade photo as the like tour art and I mean it just was uh it was it was like you and I were talking about it but trying to get back to that age where there was just like electricity and things were really exciting yeah and some you know something went off track some some things got darker and now I'm now I was sober and uh so much of my life had changed and I was out on the road and I was just I was like I liked seeing that poster of myself I liked seeing that photo of me in first grade outside the venue like it just put me like okay we're trying to get we're trying to get back to that we're getting something started chasing us after that time hmm something started chasing us that's interesting yeah yeah that was a thought I had in rehab like I don't mean like I hurt well I sort of Heard a Voice but it said we've been after you since you were a little kid and I felt like something yeah something something's been things of things have had there's been many great moments but something 's been trying to get your attention or to get you to get me wow you think it's like a disease or something I don't know just some we've been after you we've been after you since you were a kid we I didn't care for the Wii yeah listen I didn't like hearing voices and detox I didn't like grinding my teeth I cracked a molar it was a whole crazy but yeah I didn't I didn't care for the voice but if I'm gonna hear a voice I don't like the Wii of it yeah that's a lot of people yeah that means yeah there's a van now you know there's a van that implies bats guys driving around with bats how bad how bad is detoxing I never had to do something like that is it really hard uh benzodiazeprine which is Xanax and Klonopin that detox really sucks and do you stay in a room what do you do um I stayed in D so some people go to detox for a couple days I was there for five or six days um they try to taper you off uh with this medication called Librium which I don't know if that's a benzo anyway it's similar but um yeah the first of that week I was sort of in a medicated detox and then the second week was like my skeleton wanted to rip out of my body wow yeah and does it and they said that they were like those are the most um no not like ow pain mine mine felt like I cannot be like I cannot sit it's not even like I remember laying on my bed just like [ __ ] writhing just like I no every part of me wants to rip into wow but they said that when I got there they're like Coke is not I mean Coke was my problem but they said Coke isn't your problem these the benzos the downers is gonna be the real Beast yeah yeah could you do an eight ball in a day you think yeah wow I mean I don't say that like maybe it would take a what was a day also Define a day that's true that's your joke maybe a day and a half yeah if you're up for 24 hours that eight ball dang dude I would I remember sometimes I couldn't even inhale anymore yeah yeah that that feeling of uh I also I would feel like vibrating so much but I remember times when I felt like okay I've done too much like this is serious and I've done too much and maybe I should go down to my Lobby and sit there in case I need to get I lived right near right next to an urgent care that's great I was like maybe I need to sit here and just tell the doorman to grab a paramedic or something uh but there were a couple nights where I just thought I've done too much but I'm then I would still be crashing so physically I'm like um this is we've done way too much coke I can't feel my legs I'm totally like this is a real disaster and then mentally I'd start crashing a little and be like I need to do can I do another bump is there a way for to do a bump that would satisfy this but not affect the oncoming uh Cardiac Arrest we're about to have so isn't that crazy we would think that you're in such a balancing act you're in such a go you know what if I'm gonna go to the hospital I probably should do a line first yeah yeah they'd want me to just so I'm talkative yeah yeah there yeah they would want you to that's so interesting you on the road now yeah what do I have doing I got some shows in Phoenix next week oh nice oh yeah I'm excited about that I yeah you know I started my tour kind of like I I should have had my show more mapped out before I put it up into some like smaller theaters you know yeah so sometimes I feel a little bit bad about that I thought it was why did they feel Rocky yeah they just felt a little rocky well you know but I just always want to make sure that I give the you know of course but you're trying to put on the best show you could right I was trying for sure yeah only the other route would be to just what stay and do weekends at clubs yeah yeah that would have been probably the a route that would have been just to better service the hour you know yeah I get that yeah I think but sometimes people are like come Out Come perform well sometimes you have a couple great shows and you go this is ready for theaters and then you get there and you're like this is yeah wow these people paid money and yeah yeah and it wasn't bad it was just and we have high no expectations of course you have very high expectations of yourself of course yeah when I'm out there at the very beginning figuring out an hour and I'm like this is actually 40 minutes with 20 minutes of filler it's I I feel very I I I work hard at the news I work hard at what I can and I hope that I have enough Charisma to pull off the whole that that no one's noticing that this is you know padded yeah man yeah I think you got a ton well also it's like you go back on the road after you've just done a special so you what you the last memory you have is this product that was like finely tuned yeah and now you're out there you know doing stuff about how big the Denver Airport is yeah because you just landed in Denver yeah I remember the Char I had a show in Charleston and literally the next night I had my I had an hour that came out and so the next night I knew this is when you have to turn over when you can't do material that's on the special you have to kind of turn over you know most of it and do new stuff and that was a tough weekend because the first show was pretty awesome and or and the second one was not it was just kind of like [ __ ] yeah well that's the thing it's like you can just hit all green lights one night and be like I have a new 15 minutes and yeah I don't you have nothing yeah you have one um when you do like a first CD like did you make like a comedy album yeah unrelated to a not a TV yeah yeah I did that too and I thought when that came out I can never do any of these jokes again wow no one [ __ ] listened to it yeah I wish I was I remember going out to do was I just starting to headline maybe I I think I was gonna headline the Houston livestop and I had a CD that was out and I was like well if anyone's heard the CD they'd know that know these jokes so I got to do a whole new hour oh no you didn't no absolutely no one had heard this album no and some guys you can just do that's one to mess something about putting things out it's like if you never put things out then you would just be this thing that people can only go see if they go see you yeah I think about that I think about like the Grateful Dead model too yeah I was like I wish I could make every show different and tour like that and you probably could never I guess so well I think a lot I mean what you need to do is you need to get like three hours of stuff and then you just sample between it which some people do I get do you think people come to see you or your material oh I don't know um I think the material because if you don't have it in um like if if I don't have it in the first 10 minutes in the first five minutes it's not that fun yeah that's true for anybody huh I don't know I mean in an arena I don't know maybe they're coming just for the maybe some people come for the like this is cool of it you know but especially there no what am I saying I think it's all for the jokes yeah yeah people want to be entertained for sure I think at a certain point though people kind of get to know you especially probably after this special comes out yeah we're gonna get to know maybe more just about some of your journey there's a lot in it you get to know me pretty well so that I mean I think letting people get to know you uh that's you know it's important and then they know you you know they get to you yeah it's it's all fun them getting to know one side of you and right and then you go okay also sometimes I'm not a great guy oh yeah yeah that happens a lot to all of us um so you're out now yeah yeah I'm out and I just do sporadic like I was doing like a night and a night and a night in different cities yeah and now I'm doing more like kind of smaller venues but staying in a city for five nights that's the best way to do it I agree I just did the arena thing and that was awesome but you are hitting a point where uh more you can do more nights at a theater more people will come see you uh over more people will find out you're in town yeah and you do like an eight night run or so I did that down in Atlanta and Philly Nashville too someone said I did um I think it was four or five nights at the Ryman that was really fun yeah I was on my 40th birthday too really yeah I thought you were younger than that man you look younger that was a cool that's a cool room that Ryan isn't it the greatest yeah oh my God it's the greatest yeah it's awesome and the Wilbur is really awesome too huh The Wilbur is really fun God the Wilbur is good Wilbur really you feel the energy there with Bill uh blumen right yeah he's the greatest yeah he's got the best stories too yeah he does he's got Foxwoods too and yeah he's got the best stories um what other goals you have in your future I know you have the amazing animation right is that your series which one um big mouth yeah yeah I'm on that yeah um sorry I know I know that no that's okay uh that's created by Nick Kroll and Andrew Goldberg and uh Mark and Jen um the flacketts and they're great and uh yeah we do that now do you have other stuff that you feel like you like creatively that you're like haven't done like worked in television created shows do you feel like stand up is really the best media you do it's the most most fun best delivery service of Comedy it's yeah that it's Freebase it's yeah yeah dude it's the best possible situation in terms of delivering it's Freebase yeah it's grimy yeah yeah it's a little grimier than TV yeah yeah did you ever end up in a really cool place doing drugs uh meaning the geographic Place yeah just like a dicey like you know shonies or something you know some place that was a little deviant you know um karaoke bar I'm trying to think like were you that were you that guy that wanted to get deep into the Trap houses and [ __ ] were you like kind of like the um uh who was the guy Anthony Bourdain of like trap houses and stuff like that did Anthony what's a trap house a trap house is just like a place where people are doing drugs and there's like a lady who's like probably like you know if you wake her up she would have sex maybe like in the back it's like Anthony Bourdain went to these no he didn't but he was like food places he went to restaurants yeah right are you like that was not there uh yeah are you like would you be that guy like was that kind of your like some people like to get into the depths of the of the 5 a.m you know and like just the like how weird can I get no my the weirdest times for me were the days because I was I mean that feeling of you know when you haven't slept and the whole world has yeah just the way that that warmth you feel in your bones you know going into Starbucks or like man like just running an errand and you're like does everyone know can everyone tell there's just something kind of like shinier about us yeah you know like something like sleeker we're just a faster animal because like we didn't just lay down for eight hours oh I'm sure you are more alert huh oh you're like an alley cat like an alley cat yeah and you're like a [ __ ] very but you're like but things also become far more complicated right oh I would overthink things overthink everything you're like a ghost you're like a fast [ __ ] like a Tesla ghost and you're like these clothes don't look like someone put them on this morning yeah these look like yesterday clothes yeah not even at their wrinkle not even anything just you just have an air about you that says I did not just rest yeah but I think no one can tell if you're still gacked up enough to converse yeah [ __ ] I would be so scared dude I would walk yeah my depth perception would feel weird yeah it's a lot of like cat you know cars everything's coming in yeah everything's coming fast oh god dude they're a disaster how yeah drugs are a disaster and that's a nice thing to not have to worry about anymore isn't it oh my God yeah that is not I'm not in a crisis all the time yeah did you end up getting help at like did you go to recovery after that did you go to 12 step or you just kind of went to um I was in two rehabs I was in sober living I did 12 step but you know with sober living pretty cool sober living was uh for a couple months after rehab I can't imagine going from rehab to to living on my own yeah that would have been no I I really needed as many training wheels as possible wow so you really went through it all yeah I mean no I mean or uh I mean through it all I mean not like you you went through the the things that people go through yeah that was a moment where I I really needed to get as like um textbook as possible right because I would have told you like okay I can I can go live on my own now I've just been in I've been in this place for two months and I'm clean but it's like you're clean because you've been in rehab right but I would have thought like I actually I I had a lot of good and I had a lot of Great Moments in treatment really did had great counselor and um great people but like the actual reason that I wasn't on drugs was because I was in central Pennsylvania living in a hospital yeah you know was it nice out there was it pretty [Music] um it was a winter it was a little desolate but sometimes it was quite sometimes it's quite beautiful did they have any horses or anything like that no um I wish we had had some of that you know getting to put a shoe on a horse or whatever they have drug addicts do crazy yeah like you're petting them like okay I have a joke in this special about I feel so bad for that horse because it thinks it's going to win the Kentucky Derby but then it's just drug addicts being like okay all right petting your strong leg gives me confidence I remember seeing this whenever I saw your set um John Mulaney thanks so much giovan thanks for having me dude it's awesome man it was great to talk to you yeah you too man I uh really admire you and your ability dude I really admire you man it's it's uh very nice to have a conversation with you say man and you're dude when you get on stage man it is I want to know what you were gonna do and say same 100 I want you to know that just as a I am excited that you're up there thanks man I'm excited when you're up there yeah thanks Sean I envy what you have man it's amazing you too man and uh yeah check out the new special um April 25th April 25th and we'll post about it I'll put a post up on my social media too man to make sure not that you don't already have your own humongous audience but uh take yours too okay awesome we'll be happy to share thank you [Music] [Music] I can feel it in my bones gonna take

Channel: Theo Von

Views: 2,058,157

Keywords: Theo Von, This Past Weekend, TPW, comedy, podcast, comedian, interview, talk show, stand-up, stand-up comedy, john mulaney

Id: 0UCTacjaNco

Length: 140min 16sec (8416 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 18 2023

Reddit Comments

[u/McBwhuh]

Don't know why, but I never expected them to ever linkup for some reason. Excited to see how this goes.

[u/Electric_Funeral91]

I never heard someone explain it so clearly on why Theo is so funny like Mulaney did. And then bringing up that he listened to the Bargataze episode where Theo said, “I’m waiting until I’m a little older to watch Malcolm In the Middle” like what does that even mean lmao

[u/Wrekfin]

John Mulaneys "home invasion" story had me rolling. Wearing that Donda shirt. 😂

[u/WeekendWarior]

Pull up “unique abilities”

[u/TheLoneWanderer__]

This feels like a cross over episode lmao

[u/ftwin]

These two have insane chemistry

I HAVE A GUN

[u/lil_intern]

That got really deep man holy shit I almost shed a tear listening to them talk about their deep feelings of like missing their old selves like damn

[u/Weekly_Protection761]

I was listening thinking this dude sounds like Andrew from big mouth, turns out I was correct lmao. Good episode though

[u/ChemicalHabitat]

As a long time Kings fan hearing about the “Vlade Divacs” had me rolling