John Mulaney Opens Up About His Addiction and Recovery

so you were deep in uh how did you get so deep in because I don't think anyone would look at you and think this is the Coke guy good that was the whole thing um I mean I certainly tried to talk about it on stage as having had like a drug and alcohol problem but it just I don't know yeah it didn't something about me seems so to me it's like well of course the guy that seems like he has it all together has the problem because that's just like how life is that's Texas yeah it's almost like this textbook yeah um but that's I I don't put that on other I don't put that on you to be like how come you didn't see it because I was I also I really thought like I really thought that I was doing life I was able to achieve it life with the drugs as opposed to In Spite of them it took me a long time over the past couple years to realize that I did well at what I do in spite of drugs not because of them wow yeah yeah because it would be fun yeah from an outsider I would always look at him and be like oh that guy yeah drugs would not help that guy like that guy is his own he is so unique in his own way that anything to uh like a a a base that or something or debase that would only mess him up but I would have thought I would have thought like I'm delivering something people really like and I think I'm delivering it because I take two 30 milligram Adderalls and then one z-bar and so I'm really sharp but I don't seem jittery and so I go on a podcast or I go on a talk show and I'm just I'm delivering and I'm giving people what I'm naturally good at but I'm a little tired so I can't naturally do it so it's okay it's okay to take it's okay to rip open time release Adderall and dump the beads down my throat and then pop a Klonopin because then I will get to the level that I naturally am at like I just gotta deliver what I'm good at and right now we're running on a lean mixture and it used to be easier but now it's harder so whatever I'm putting in my body to get to that is fine so cocain and you liked cocaine Xanax Klonopin Adderall Percocet riddle in any kind of speed oh so all that speed huh um would you get I would get so scared at night when I was high on cocaine right yeah that I would be like Googling what can I take with cocaine to go to sleep and that would take me so many hours to I'd look at so many there'd be like you get on these answer sites and people's like you're you go to Florida yeah yeah I go to quora right or whatever that is right yeah yeah count hey count now from 60 and you'll be dead people would say stuff like that and you're just like oh my so you didn't have like because that's the thing I I actually you didn't take any downers I didn't take any downers so I would lay there in misery I would Google like can I go may I ask did you know about downers I guess I knew about them but I just had never taken them and I was so scared to mix something with cocaine because oh it would kill me that's what I was fearful that was your worry yeah um I kind of thought if I if I didn't have the right balance yeah I was more like if I don't have enough in the right amounts then something bad could happen but as long as I'm balancing coconateral with Xanax and Klonopin I'll be justified I remember I walked into my intervention I just been to my drug dealers department and I finally got the right balance oh yeah one pocket all Adderall and Coke one pocket all Xanax and I was like I have done it I reached equilibrium yeah open the door people yeah it's okay though were you high when you went to Europe yes but I was insisting that I hadn't used drugs in days I went look I am sober right now look at me I am sober right now I kept saying and were you good enough to convince those people that you were no I was pretty strung out by then so it didn't I I I could present really well for a long time yeah but I'd reached a point where um it was just off the rails I'm seeing that about you you're a very good presenter um it's a yeah a a doctor at rehab was like it scares me how good you are at presenting like everything's fine wow yeah were you surprised that you were an addict or did you know you were an addict um I had like Skin Deep self-awareness of like I have a drug problem uh I'm I love drugs I like them too much I don't like them the way other people like them it's not like oh that was fun let's do that again in two weeks this was like I think I think the plan for the morning should be to get more of that um I knew I liked them more than other people but I it was but no not to the depth that it was what do I mean to say I had us I had a surface level awareness and I would joke about that and and say you know oh I got sober in 2005 which I did but I slowly got back into Pharmaceuticals over the next you know 13 14 years prescribed than not prescribed or prescribed then abused but prescribed then bought on the street then everything will you buy them off of Craigslist and stuff like that even no I always thought that might be cops smart um and it's depressed pills it's a lot of like I have friends oh this was even before I had an awareness that there might be fakes out there like that yeah um I've definitely bought Adderall a couple times and snorted it and thought this is what is this yeah oh I bought a whole thing of something one time and did it all and it wasn't it wasn't cocaine nope no God and I don't know what it is and I still imagine one day I'm gonna walk past a chemical and and it's going to connect a little oh you'll smell it or something you smell a chemical and you remember that that was what you bought he'd be like oh it was me or something you know what I'm saying yeah uh no it the um the realization that I actually had no control over this took a long time wow it's a hard thing for people to convince it's a hard I mean I still struggle sometimes even if I sit in a meeting and there's still part of me that doesn't want to say I'm an alcoholic yeah or an addict I to me I go it's more complicated than that yeah like you don't get it it's not it's not that I'm like it's not that just that cocaine's addictive and when I do it I'm addicted it's it's a different thing I use it in a different way and the way I see it in my relationship with it it's just yeah I kind of have a romance it's like a i romanticize it 100 I write everything in my life me too yeah those like being in Midtown Manhattan have a meeting have a you know have a big like production meeting on something um and you could be able to get there get there half hour late uh uh desperate to have a cigarette so like finding an abandoned office and smoking out the window and being almost very much in trouble and it being really clear those moments were so about surviving that that hour that they NE I never thought about them with any deeper perspective I never thought oh my God what has my life become I was just like I it would be easier to take the train I'd be faster to take the train home to my cocaine but I can't do Coke on the train so it was all just like figuring out the video game of being a drug addict wow took up it was just a Scramble for the present problem and as soon as that problem was solved I moved on I wasn't like I can't believe you know I remember I went I went into a meeting holding a bottle of Pedialyte because I was not eating anything I was just drinking Pedialyte doing cocaine and I was I was with people I knew and we were waiting for other people to join the meeting that we didn't know and I said if my nose bleeds or if I pass out it's because I have a sinus infection don't worry you know and I'll give a signal if I think I'm about to pass out and then then and even to them I was like because I'm sick right that's why wow yeah what's the signal too I can't remember Geronimo um that'd be a great thing to say before you pass out and your nose explodes with blood yeah that that covered it well did you ever end up in a really cool place doing drugs I'm meaning the geographic Place yeah just like a dicey like you know shonies or something you know some place that was a little deviant you know um karaoke bar I'm trying to think like were you that were you that guy that wanted to get deep into the Trap houses and [ __ ] were you like kind of like the um uh who was it got Anthony Bourdain of like trap houses and stuff like that did Anthony what's a trap a trap house is just like a place where people are doing drugs and there's like a lady who's like probably like you know if you wake her up she would have sex maybe like in the back it's like Anthony Bourdain went to these no he didn't but he wanted like food places he went to restaurants yeah right or you like that uh yeah are you like would you be that guy like or is that kind of your like some people like to get into the depths of the of the 5 a.m you know and like just the like how weird can I get you no my the weirdest times for me were the days because I was I mean that feeling of you know when you haven't slept and the whole world has yeah just the way that that warmth you feel in your bones you're going into Starbucks or like man like just running an errand and you're like does everyone know can everyone tell there's just something kind of like shinier about us yeah you know like something like sleeker we're just a faster animal because like we didn't just lay down for eight hours oh I'm sure you are more alert huh oh you're like an alley cat like an alley cat yeah and you're like a [ __ ] very but you're like but things also become far more complicated right oh I would overthink things overthink everything you're like a ghost you're like a fast [ __ ] like a Tesla ghost and you're like these clothes don't look like someone put them on this morning yeah these look like yesterday clothes yeah not even at their wrinkle not even anything just you just have an air about you that says I did not just rest yeah but I think no one can tell if you're still gacked up enough to converse yeah [ __ ] I would be so scared dude I would walk yeah my depth perception would feel weird yeah it's a lot of like cat you know cars everything's coming in yeah everything's coming fast oh god dude they're a disaster how yeah drugs are a disaster and that's a nice thing to not have to worry about anymore isn't it oh my God yeah that is not I'm not in a crisis all the time I don't judge people for having a harsh view of addicts a lot of people have addicts in their lives and you can't just go it's a disease and I you know like it it can really um it's very painful to other people yeah oh yeah I mean it's a mess they're a mess yeah life's so hard already life's like life's like a table piled high with so much [ __ ] like a bad you know when you go to like a little restaurant in a tiny circular ass table and they don't have room for anything oh yeah table pile type of [ __ ] and drugs come in and drugs you think are gonna solve all your problems and they kick the legs out from under it yeah they're just a mess it's it's they're a disaster they're a disaster hope you enjoyed that video and you can watch another and you can watch this one you can watch this one different options different choices some guy just brings you one option not this guy two options watch one this one or this one

Channel: Theo Von Clips

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Keywords: Theo von, this past weekend, theo von podcast, this past weekend podcast, tpw, joe rogan, joe rogan experience, jre, joe rogan podcast, brendan schaub, bryan callen, the fighter and the kid, below the belt, tfatk, theo von brendan schaub, king and the sting, king and the sting podcast, chris delia, chris delia podcast, joey diaz, bert kreischer, tom segura, bobby lee, tigerbelly, Clip, Highlight, Theo Von Clip, Theo Von Highlight, John Mulaney, addiction, recovery, Baby J

Id: mAF3L9ZiAWo

Length: 12min 19sec (739 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 21 2023