Dax Shepard on Vices, Addiction and Getting Sober

this is a plunger for a bomb I put in the [Laughter] lobby you know Baka that's breast phas no I no it's nicar it's straight nicotine oh really yeah the no delivery device just straight nicotine are you into nicotine yeah I've been into I don't let me see I'll hold it for a second because I um yeah I was doing nicotine for a long time and then I've had 14 days off and I'm on the oh well then give me that back I've had one day off oh didn't take it just let's leave it right here okay TBD this is just there but one of uh my another comedian on the tour bus had um a vape on him oh and I had a moment at night it was just like I was falling aart I don't know was just cuz sometimes if I'm up too late then I'll do something to damage myself like of course I'll like do a watch a uh do queue up some porno or you have a preferred website you do but you don't want to promote it I I mean I just don't know yeah it doesn't matter it doesn't it's not an important question I mean a lot of the way I'm not I don't do a lot of porn but I'm I'm increasingly wanting to no and and um I'm wondering if I'm on the right website because I think you strike me as a pro and I don't say that judgmentally but it I feel like you've been every corner of the internet I've been through some yeah I've been through some probably I don't want to call them wormholes but sure yeah I've been through some yeah so I want you to Jedi me just a tiny bit and be like save some time this is where you want to be what happens to me so it be up late and I'll be kind of [ __ ] ansy or whatever and I'll probably have been doing some vaping and so then I'm like all right well might as well watch a little bit of porno pornography you know yeah just to [ __ ] cap the night off cuz I'm a [ __ ] King bookend yeah cuz I do what I want to do yeah so next thing you know I'm queued up on there and I have this fear now that the they the porno sites are videoing you back CU that's how they get people like down the line is like they're like oh yes for blackmail so it's like do you have tape over your camera or anything that would be smart oh my God here's what I'm doing dude I do something crazy what do you do I put the screen at like an angle where it can only kind of see the ceiling or whatever and then I kind of like oh my Lord I'll like lean of and kind of masturbated like an angle kind of sure yeah yeah sideways like I'm the guy that does those uh remember that picture they used to have on this on the school on the wall of the staircases that interchanged or whatever the MC yes MC yeah I'll take like a real MCS or angle sure penis is off to your right hand just making sure I'm out of the way okay well let's drill down into cuz I think I know exactly what you it started with it started with you're too late my addiction was only curbed by my me being broke right cuz you're in recovery right yeah yeah okay me too yeah yeah so well that's I think I F I think that's what actually like turbocharged me reaching out to you yeah it's like I just liked you and then I was talking to a friend of mine Charlie about you and he's like oh I love him yeah I listen to his podcast he goes you know he's he's like sober I think he's like 18 months sober and I was like oh wow now I really have a reason I could reach out that's cool man but yeah I quit it was nice of you I'm glad you did yeah yeah we've already had a couple really nice text exchanges yeah we have man we had a nice one the other day and um yeah it's been fun man um yeah I like meeting people that are in recovery I feel a lot easier around people that are in recovery for some reason and I don't know even what it is if there's a diff an immediate like level of like care or connection what do you think about it I think it's what's weird is looking back on my life it parallels exactly who I also hung out with as a kid which is I only hung out with kids on welfare who also had divorced parents who also probably had violence in the household I like being around people that I don't think are going to judge me and in the program everyone there is a [ __ ] scumbag everyone's a piece of [ __ ] that's why we're there and like the great like experience you have if you go to AA and you work the steps is you're like you've made this list of things you've done wrong and you you're you're you're required to tell somebody and generally it's your sponsor or whatever yeah and you're certain when you walk in there and you let them have this list of things you regret that they're going to call the police on you or throw up in disgust with you and they look at you they're almost laughing like oh that's it well you didn't [ __ ] any animals that's like I'm impressed you haven't [ __ ] any animals and you're like well read the back of that second page yeah oh [ __ ] you're right um [ __ ] I left something now yeah dude but that look of like yeah me too is the most comforting thing for me yeah there'll be times when I'm in a meeting and like you're sitting there and somebody says something and you can feel this is crazy it's it's almost like how volleyball teams all get their period at the same time or whatever you can feel like everybody in the room at the same time like yeah yeah yeah yeah you ever had that happen oh yeah for sure and you're like it's almost like a group of fish or something like birds all change direction yeah some of the steam leaves at the same time out of every it's it's got It's it's got to be some physiological thing but it's unbelievable yeah so we we will match our breathing when we're connected our heart rates will match all this crazy [ __ ] will start mirroring yeah this is like scientifically proven time and time again so yes that moment in a me it's like it's chaotic someone fought over a parking spot another guy just got broken up with blah blah blah blah blah this person like sledgehammers through generally for me when I've experienced it like with some moment of vulnerability like I just failed at this [ __ ] thing and we all go like wait oh God I know exactly what it feels like to fail in that specific way yeah and now all of us have joined like the same brain pattern so I think it's not like it's not imagine I think it's physiologically observable huh and it's so powerful yeah it's when you realize like oh yeah we're social monkeys and we're supposed to be in a group like this and we're supposed to be dialed in and it feels [ __ ] right what was your um preferred substance cocaine yeah oh yeah what a drug I just had baitman on last week Jason I love him he's fascinating to look at he has one of those faces you can tell why he's an actor cuz it's just the most everything about it is so engaging and interesting yes yes you can just stare at it yeah it's interesting when he's you're just like he just yeah do some thinking for me bitman I'll watch take your time too yeah yeah but he was a Hoover admittedly uh loved the yeah yeah and so we were talking and I said do you ever do you ever I said I'm not going to do this but I was directing chips and I was talking to an actor on the uh movie and she said that she and her boyfriend had gone and stayed at cocaine hotel in in columia m I was like cocaine Hotel what's cocaine hotel and she's like it's a it's co do you know about the cocaine Hotel it's everywhere it's on the tables everywhere you go in the rooms uh at the thing it's a it's a hotel to do cocaine and I said do you ever baitman do you ever think about just spending a few days down at cocaine he's like well I don't know I mean there's so much [ __ ] in Coke now and I said no no I think this is Farm to Table Coke I think the guys are stomping on it in the backyard and they bringing it in a dust and dropping it off I think this is as medicinal and pure as it well that's what we need in this country dude make Coke Farm to Table we need Farm to Table cocaine we do you got your vegetables we did that you got your farm to table vegetables now let's it's sad that a kid can't get some te and cocaine in this country it really is yeah you knew you were going to be huffing some some baby laxative and some acetylene or whatever you you knew that but but now it's different well that's when you connect the dots that like oh cuz I connected these dots in sriti which is like oh this is the exact same thing like whether I want to acknowledge it or not this sex thing and this approval thing is identical to cocaine yeah um I had like the most visceral experience of my life that pointed that out to me well I had two um one was and I was a few years sober and and I was single and I was on Myspace M yeah and I was on TV oh my gosh yeah just take that in for a second so you were just damn Prince Charles or whatever I was enjoying the [ __ ] out of my space and also I had not I hadn't looked at the sex component as potentially harmful to me yet yeah but I remember a gal came over and you were good at sex you said I mean what could be more nausey than a guy saying they're good at sex out loud so that's just a lose lose for me we just pretend that you're okay at okay I certainly some people aren't good some people you know also let's be honest the more you [ __ ] the the better you are like you're not coming as fast you're like that sure you've had periods where youve [ __ ] seven days in a row no I never I was always too lazy to do something like that I think oh really yeah you were saved by your Le lethargy if if they had sex twice in a week or and yeah I was always very like it was like it took a while yeah just like yeah well okay so I need to prefos this by I'm ashamed of this what I'm about to tell you like I am ashamed of this but this is very true I was a few years sober I was single someone had come over that I had met on my space and I was giving them a tour of the house and I was in the first room of the tour and I had this thought that was like oh this tour is so long you had a big house no I didn't have a big house there was and I was like but then I thought what is this I have a very familiar feeling like it's it's it's unmissable this feeling I have right now and I like took a second to try to figure out like what I know this feeling I know this feeling what is this what is this and I was like oh my God I know exactly what this is this is is sitting in my old drug dealer Tom's living room while he measured out [ __ ] and told me about his [ __ ] day and got distracted by telling me about his day and I wanted to scream just like [ __ ] give me a bump and I'll listen to you forever but [ __ ] focus and give me the thing like that that impatience oh yeah teamwork you want teamwork yes just like knock off the [ __ ] give me the thing and then let's talk [ __ ] be all ears for a eternity yeah but that feeling is so specific to me that in that moment in the room I realized oh my God it's the same thing I'm like I need this woman to give me the thing I need and I hate that I hate that about myself I hate that for her I hate all of it it's just I don't want to be insatiably needing something from somebody and dependent on them giving me the thing and I was like whoa so that was one moment where I was like oh God they're kind of the same thing right and once I recognize that I'm like I probably have to think about it in those terms like do I feel worse about myself or people you know are they benefiting from you know whatever then the other crazy thing that happened that really sealed it for me was I was monogamous it was for the first time in like a decade and so and then I was talking to my girlfriend who was in Boston doing something and she told this story about bumping into somebody I knew she cheated on her ex-boyfriend with and they're all at the same hotel and I'm thinking like well I'm sure they [ __ ] right so I'm like I'm mad driving I'm driving in a in the car on the 405 and I had been monogamous at that point for like three months we get in a kind of fight over that and we hang up and I just had this like swell like a swell of horniness mhm the way you do when it's like I got to get Coke or I got whatever that really big swell and all of a sudden I was so horny and I was like I'm gonna I'm gonna text Kelly I'm gonna text Kelly right now and um I can stop by her I'm not supposed to because I'm now I'm monogamous blah blah and then I just had a moment where I was like that's interesting you're you're in a fight you feel emasculated by whatever just happened and your body's smart enough to go well let's get horny you won't have to feel any of this if you're horny and we're at Kelly's house and you're getting validated and you come all this stuff I was like [ __ ] this is like a defense cuz it just like any other thing I'm so afraid of my feelings or feeling uncomfortable or your body created some defense my body was ahead of me it's like I hung up I didn't even register what had just happened and all of a sudden I'm like I am physically horny it's not like I made it up yeah and those two things for me I was like yeah this is a this is a whole thing we got to figure out yeah wow man yeah that's a that's the craziest part is that a lot of times it's not even you making a choice it could be you choosing once you get the input but you're like physiological is making the it's dealing you the cards and you're like and again back to the brain the area of your brain that's now sucking up all the blood and running the show isn't the part of your brain your neocortex you would think through all the things that are going to happen after this yeah it's like you're not even you're these two areas can't be doing the thinking at the same time so once that swell of like craving comes about this is offline yeah you're like I don't I'm never gonna see tomorrow or that's tomorrow dex's problem you're right I feel B for him but today's Dax is about to get [ __ ] up and feel good yes yes it's like it everything the ability to have any comprehension really or any Forward Thinking completely disappears that's crazy bro I mean it disappears yeah it's gone un access it

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Length: 15min 28sec (928 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 13 2024