Dax Shepard and Theo Get Real About Their Struggles in Relationships

wow man so did you how much times have you been married before or no no just first it was your first marriage yeah I was with I've had three really longterm relationships I had like a five-year in that started in high school and then lasted to me living in LA and then I was with um an incredible woman Bri for nine years but that one I thought I had kind of outsmarted which was I had already felt so [ __ ] terrible about cheating on girls I always got caught inevitably I got caught and those were the I I can remember those phone calls and trying to explain why it didn't you didn't care is there anything worse than that oh my god well it's tied with driving to someone's apartment to tell them that you're breaking up I mean those those two for me are like I've had a lot of motorcycle injuries I'd take of them a million times before I'd ever drive to someone's apartment and just say like I think we're in different places yeah and they're like no [ __ ] oh dude the craziest is when you go over there and you knock on the door and they open it but they kind of walk away from the door after they open it right fully up for you to walk in and talk to you know it's like when the gig is up dude oh [ __ ] I hate it so much and then you know you've been feeling that way for months in my case before you have the balls to drive over and and [ __ ] be honest yeah and then so that drive is is is insufferable and then sitting in there is so terrible but there is that feeling when you walk out the door and you've made it and you're walking to your car where you just go oh oh thank God okay oh you do you get that blast of like relief yeah and then a day later you're like I think I'm in love with her I think I love her so much and I [ __ ] up I think I really [ __ ] up then you're insanely in love with her for a few days got to like White Knuckle that just like it's booze or Coke to not re-engage anywh who what were we oh so when Bri and I met we met um cheating on two people oh okay right and I knew immediately I'm like I [ __ ] love this girl like oh my god do I love this girl like I want to have kids with this girl at some point wow and you had you ever felt like that before or no I guess I did a uh the girl I was cheating on with that i' had been with for five years certainly but that had run its course in that like I had moved to LA to pursue this she was she hadn't joined me it was kind of obvious we also got kind of we got realistic about the fact that we only see each other four times a year and like that got a little it approached an open relationship or maybe even became one it kind of was just like look you're a human I'm a human I'm 21 you're know children so we were kind of grown up about that so then when I met Bri and we met cheating I just had this moment of honesty with her where I said like I would like to have kids with you and make it to 30 and have kids and I don't think you and I will make it if if one of the requirements is monogamy I just think we're fooling ourselves like if that be if that's one of the deal breakers we're not going to make it to the part I want to make it to where we have a kid and she was like I don't so what are you suggesting I'm like basically like I don't want to lose you over that um I'm liable to do it and I feel like you're probably liable to do it we just met cheating on each other you know on two people and um there was this kind of weird in uh inter inter Mar whatever period where she like ended up chatting with her mom about it and all this stuff and then at some point she just came to me and said like yeah I guess if I don't know anything I don't really care and I was like Yeah and I don't I have no desire to know about anything but um I I'm not going to require that from you we both were just like I'm not going to require that from you so I was in an open relationship for nine years wow and we slept in the same bed every single night we lived together there was no like craziness well mind you I was also a [ __ ] full-blown addict during this period um but if she was at home I don't know what happened when I was at home she didn't know what happened and that to some degree work I mean definitely work we stayed together for 9 years in our 20s which is almost impossible and I love her like crazy still do we're still really good friends and both of our lives have worked out great and I wouldn't say that that was the reason ultimately we broke up but all that to say going back to like getting older Being Sober longer I you know I would have lik to have been someone that could have just been monogamous with her I think she deserved that also think oh yeah I think even within the the with even within those rules I was scumbagged like I definitely hit on her friends sometimes like I did terrible [ __ ] under the guys of like well I'm not lying about this I'm I'm I'm honest and that can be true and also you can recognize that people are hurt that you're leaving a wake of people that are bummed and hurt by you and so it's like great I didn't lie and I'm above board but people around me are kind of hurt by their experience with me I don't like how that feels yeah yeah like bringing like around your friends and they know what you're do it just like all that sh they all feel awkward yeah it's like what's going on here yeah that also I think more more like how many cu everyone we were very open about it like dude I remember it was New Year's Eve and I W was out in the like in the mountains with some girl and all of her friends and then her friend and I ended up hooking up like in the closet upstairs and then couple hours later she's like did you hook up with my friend in the closet and I was like that's the dumbest [ __ ] thing I've ever heard of right that's crazy lit the [ __ ] out yeah well and we're all just at this so stuff like that I think I feel like and some of those things I've had to like make amends for you know and like I didn't do a ton of stuff like that but there were certainly moments where it was like I'd be in an instance where I had somebody I really liked and cared about and there was a still a part of me that that needed to get more validation or needed to be seen you know and it wasn't always even about sex but sometimes it just I I needed to know if I could flirt or that girl would give me some response you know oh I remember my first like or my second girlfriend and we were like really in love and what age I think this was in college and she and I she broke up with she'd had it yeah and I remember saying you can't break up with me you're my mom that's what I remember it came out of my [ __ ] face really and that's which was just a slight improvement over spitting in her hair that's where you had matured to by the time you were in college you can't you're my mom yeah what a Fran slip as Freudian water slide dude but it blew it came out it like came out it just I was like you can't break up with me you're my mom oh my Lord and I was like and I didn't know for years what that even meant and then once I got into recovery and started getting a look at my life I was able to be like wow dude like I had no understanding of like how to get affection or be fair with affection or anything like that yeah I mean I didn't have a template I didn't have a [ __ ] idea I didn't know what was her response do you remember she I know she felt probably bad for me you know oh good she loved me for sure yeah yeah and she's a super loving girl but um but I I think she probably years later probably saw like oh that dude was not he not ready yeah that guy was not ready no he not ready for a mature and he's still [ __ ] just yeah trying to get ready he's trying to get ready but that stuff doesn't go away man that's the crazy thing I thought at certain like like at certain times of my life I'd be like oh in a couple years this will be gone but it doesn't go away unless you do something about it yeah you have I had the fantasy that to be aware of it would solve it yeah like oh I see what's happening I'm just trying to get you know I'm trying to heal oh God I could go super deep which is like and this is recent and this is probably too much for your show or the dudes who listen to this what no we dude I if I cry on here one more time I'm literally turning into the GU Brooks podcast yeah me me too I've been crying all the time get B every I didn't cry for 30 years and now I can't make it through a day without crying bro it's like it's for [ __ ] being sober yeah it's like you got the medicine you don't have anything to numb it and here it is but I also think like there was a sexual component which is like okay so my mom adors me that's obvious um I was The Golden Child I did not lack for a mom who believed me or supported me or thought I was wonderful she definitely did but something would take her away from me and I was smart enough to realize oh we can't fulfill this romantic desire of hers like that's something we can't fill she's gonna have to go get boyfriends right AKA she's gonna have to have a sexual relationship with people right so I think in some weird way and I I think I'm just starting to understand this aspect which is like I have to give that to any woman if I want her to stay around in a way that is world class and you can't go you don't want to go shopping for more like the priority I put on that part the sexual part I think was very outsize for what a woman would even give a [ __ ] about as a little kid I was like oh the only thing I don't have that my mom needs sexual part so I need that's what I want her to stay at all times and I don't want any of these guys to come around so if I now if I'm having this experience that also feels loving and nurturing in with a female my thought is like I have to give her that thing in a way that she'll never go need it and leave me for it God that sounds ex that sounds kind of exhausting in a way I mean kudos to you dude yeah I don't that was the route I took I was just like I was always so nervous with sex it would be like oh [ __ ] you know and it would be like yeah oh dude so like unbeliev able and I would just yell things out like that's that was great sex you know just [ __ ] hoping that dude you can rewrite history for her I mean my biggest thing was just that that one of the things I ran into was just commitment a lot of times I would get into a relationship and then I just could not be committed like I couldn't be committed I just couldn't do it you know what's your explanation of that was it because you you wanted to hook up with other girls or is it because you thought ultimately would see that you're a piece of [ __ ] and be out I wanted to have the option to do what I wanted to do yeah I wanted to be I wanted you wanted it all you want to go to Sizzler yeah I I'm in the mood for wings and I'm in the mood for salale and I'm in the mood for Fu I just didn't I just didn't want I didn't want to have somebody else like Define me there's a part of me that really doesn't trust having somebody else Define me in a way does it make any sense or no yeah yeah yeah yeah it was like even I remembered like when I had a girlfriend I would a lot of times I wouldn't even say this is my girlfriend I would say this is my friend and then their name and some of that a lot of that stuff I feel bad about man it was you know because it's not fair to them you know like um so it was that sort of thing it was like I just I just there's something I just had the toughest time with letting somebody else Define me but do you think and I don't want to speak poorly of your mother but do you think it's okay to suggest that since Mom didn't have your best interest in mind that it was going to be pretty hard for you to imagine that anyone was going to have your best interest in mind I I think there could be some truth to that I just don't [Music] know I I it's hard for me to get there in my head yeah like um or like intellectually you could maybe see the thread but it doesn't feel like anything real right yeah and for a lot of for me I got to get to that feeling space you know for it to activate inside of you you know so I just think my mom was just super big you know there just wasn't a connection there and I really wanted it how old were you when your dad died I was 16 so and he was very old you know but he was cool I mean he was old but my mom would come to the baseball games D my mom was kind of a [ __ ] Gangster and a lot always like she would come to the baseball games and she would [ __ ] scream hit it or weird leaving from her [ __ ] astrovan in left field and bro I was already horrible at basball that was horrible hit it or we're leaving she would yell she didn't have any patience for fourth inning every time we were gone really she would pull you was yeah she would all right he had five chances let's go she would pull me from the game yeah yeah it sounds like she had your best interest in mind totally just she was just surviving you know yes well again you can be sympathetic and not judgmental to it but also acknowledge what happened right and I think that's still where I'm at like it's still like there's still a part of me that has like a lot of resentment I think you'll have kids one day and it'll change it all it will because you'll start just you you know um subconsciously or you'll just be evaluating like wait where was I when I was three like where was like I remember my daughter came in our oldest daughter this was probably a year and a half ago she came in and she was like she had had a nightmare that me and Kristen got divorced that Mom and Dad got divorced and I said uh okay well you know what happened um someone cheated I think Mom cheated on dad and I said okay well couple things I would never divorce your mom if she cheated on me we would work through that like we're that's not going to happen but let's say it happened what would then what would go on what would happen next he's like we wouldn't live together and I'm like yeah but I'd buy the house next door and I will be with you non-stop like I'm not going anywhere no matter what happens that's not going to happen but if it if if that happen I'm living next door to you and you come and see me whenever you want and maybe your mom will date someone that's really cool maybe there'll be another cool person in your life like that's we don't know what it would be um but while I was saying all this to her I was looking at her and all of a sudden I was just like oh she's nine by nine I'm on my third stepdad and I've already been molested yeah like and I'm looking at her I'm like no no she's way too little to have be on her third dad and to have been molested right like Jers you have like a compassion for yourself because I think in my mind I'm always older than I really was or I felt it or I knew the score he felt responsible yes and and in many ways I was and then again I'm paning around with my brother who's 5 years older than me so was always a little bit five years ahead but I look at this little girl and I think oh yeah that's way that's way too many things to have happened to a 9-year-old wow right yeah that's kind of interesting I think I I probably need to get to that place in my life I would like to yeah I'm I'm definitely like yeah I'm tired of kind of living in the same place sometimes you know so I'm just working on some of that stuff with my sponsor what's the longest you've been with a girl a girl probably three years maybe uhhuh so pretty long I feel like and so and yeah I was saying when I think back now I've cleared up like dude I I quit drinking in in 2004 in September of 2004 I had opiate relapse but in general I haven't had like [ __ ] wreckage in 19 years oh that's great and so the stuff that really plagues me now is like just really going back and being like God yeah those girls didn't deserve like they deserved me to be faithful to be like yeah shiver got their time use them to prop up my own self-esteem and then need someone and again to because it doesn't last like oh yeah feeling great yeah like if I'm dead honest and I'm in therapy my therapist will be like you know it's not christen's job like she's not your mom she's not going to do on you in being f uated with your existence and I'm like wait that's not but I'm giving up so much I'm not banging anyone shouldn't I be doed on and celebrate it every time I walk through the door should there be a parade shouldn't my daughter's like every day I've not left shouldn't they be like God damn it Dad we got one of the good ones I know your dad was out at three but no one's no no one's proud of me no one cares for

Channel: Theo Von Clips

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Keywords: Theo von, this past weekend, theo von podcast, this past weekend podcast, tpw, joe rogan, joe rogan experience, jre, joe rogan podcast, brendan schaub, bryan callen, the fighter and the kid, below the belt, tfatk, theo von brendan schaub, king and the sting, king and the sting podcast, chris delia, chris delia podcast, joey diaz, bert kreischer, tom segura, bobby lee, tigerbelly, Clip, Highlight, Theo Von Clip, Theo Von Highlight, Congratulations

Id: gI2SdwvL5Ao

Length: 17min 42sec (1062 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 13 2024