Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser | English Full Movie | Comedy

[Music] Grand Canyon ain't nothing being a grandfather or father now that's harder than being a Grand Canyon we just a hole sitting there doing nothing okay but are you okay with us even having a Grand Canyon or so we just kick some sand up all over it and fill it up like a cat box [ __ ] all I'm saying is Grand Canyon is where Joe was left that very day yo ebony ivory you talking about Joe Dirt yeah I know little something about Joe Dirt stopped into an old radio station I work few years back stayed for it must have been a week wo some batshit crazy tail so bat [ __ ] he should have hung upside down from the ceiling when he was telling it I remember uh big kid bigger heart now sure you know I'm not saying the IQ wasn't Subterranean I mean that intellect was barely skimming the Treet tops now I ain't saying that I ain't in agreeance with you but somewhere in there there speedify you making Saint Sant right hey John C minus rally it's not agreeance it's gude and by the way what's with the mouth for God's sakes the teeth look like a completed Lego project what are you gargling with m80s are those deciduous teeth I'm waiting for them to change color fall out and float down to the ground who's your orthodontist Mo Howard with a ballpen hammer I mean for God's sakes man it looks like Willie starel took a bat to your mouth now listen JD's got himself in another bind here but why not let the boy tell you his own Tale in his own way let's drop that needle guys [Music] whoa whoa whoa wait a second it's a sweet song I get the thematics but this Joe Dirk we're going to start this puppy off dirt those look like pretty comfortable shoes you got on there my boots don't feel so good but they're like magical or something look cracker don't you be talking no far as gum crap to me you little [ __ ] waffle sitting there talking all that hunky ass whiny crap like mama said life is like a box of chocolates boy sitting next to you for even 10 seconds makes me feel I should take a shower in a bath full of Clorox she mullet head hey if I say hi to you you're not going to call me like a dumb crap po a scump or something will you well uh let's play it by ear you waiting on the seven cross town bus fair enough uh no I'm just waiting uh for the concert to be over over there yeah I tidy up after tidy up deer yeah yeah I'm sort of you know a roadie oh like you travel with the bands and you pack up their equipment after concerts and their amplifiers and stuff oh yeah exactly but no not uh per se I don't travel with them uh mostly I'm mop up after they're done like uh I clean up the poop and the um barf and things and your occasional fart items and PE you know whatnot so so you don't actually travel with them and and such not a roadie no exactly I don't know where that started yeah yeah now we're on the same page oh well why aren't you in there watching them perform oh uh well I ain't exactly allowed in the building during the kerto if you will uh but if there is a diarrhea emergency or something I get to go in clean it up and I can hear a little bit so there's some perks yeah I enjoy my job cuz if people have a hard week and they want to rock out at a concert I like to help you know picking up their garbage bodily fluids just so they can relax they can thank me later they don't but uh that's cool it don't stop me from being all in all the time Bam Bam you know how it is yeah you know so much has been happening to me that I don't even understand it all it's all just happening way above my pay grade oh above zero just kidding okay sorry that was rud no that's a good one they got me it's pretty much how it is see my new story picks up after my first story and yet it goes back to the day I was born well you've got me intrigued and I don't see the bus coming nearby so start at the beginning it starts where every good thing in my life ever got started silver town man that's the Greatest Town ever ioke up this got mom always said i' be the chosen one one in a milon I believe going to burn shine I was a bad with a BL in my eyes woke up last morning and all that love had G a Pap never told me about right and wrong but I'm a looking and today was the best day ever yeah how are you doing yeah yeah I'm doing good baby I'm doing good oh please make her smart like Randy please make her smart like Brandy don't make her dumb what I don't know what to do just tell me if there's something I need to help you with Hy honey breathe okay okay yeah in and out okay that's it oh man we're going to see our baby girl soon no she looks like you no shut up I mean shut up because no please she has to look like you baby don't waste a favor what if God listens you can't God you are the most handsomest man that I have ever seen baby I think them drugs put your eyeballs to sleep cuz you don't know what you're saying all right let's uh take a look cimet dilation looks just about right hey Doc are you smoking was it the cigarette that gave it away Sherlock Dr girl Mr may I call you Brandy cuz I feel like once I've seen your muff should you on a first name basis this exchange doesn't sound too doctor-ish to me oh oh how cool did you go to med school no I did not oh so you don't know how doctors talk I thought maybe you did the way you sounded all confident about our exchange not sounding doctor likee my Joe went to the School of Hard knots but graduated with honors please treat him with respect a that's nice Brandy you always say the nicest stuff about me I can't help myself baby well well our little girl is crowning you're about to meet your baby hear that baby I love her so much already uh um I'm than uh hold on a second Sue I think there's another baby up in there did I hear the about another baby hey we're in a meeting oh hey Doc I just want to whoa whoa jackpot give me some what it's a medical term it's a medical term it don't sound like one oh wow did you go to med school uh no we went over this early hey Doc I do see another baby in there although I'm no baby expert you ain't no expert I wanted to get in on this one soon as I heard it was going to be Brandy boo up here in these here stirrups what's that hey get out of here man what are you doing don't talk that way oh [ __ ] what now what's the matter there's three up in there three what three babies dumbass I told you I told you excuse me today is the day when these tiny little lives begin their Journey that God willing will Outlast everybody in this room Joe and I would appreciate it if you would show the proper reverence oh baby that's so good she got the speeches down that's poetry right there you're my little MLK baby this Brandy chick is pure gold inside and out woman like that loving a man like him I must have misjudged this fo what do you say we deliver these babies wow Martin Scorsese couldn't compose a better shot what more could a guy ask for that wasn't it hey what did Brandon just say let's Deliver us some babies you got it Joe Dirk give us some room three babies coming up are they talking I can congratulations you have triplets what you hear that we got us a little NASCAR pit crew I'm so happy Joe it's sweet that you want to name him Brandy Jor brandy brandy and Brandy 2.0 special edition but they need real names you're right you're the brains of the outfit all right how about this I've been thinking death LEP Skinner than Seager so Ser I know death Le one is wrong that's no good all right how about this 383 Magnum 440 Magnum and a 426 it's a hammy it's a hamy everyone loves a hamy Joe I am naming them all right you constructed them you did all the work you made them perfect and amazing what do you got Cheyenne abene and Dakota so perfect you're so good at this three for three yeah you did good look so everything was good sure there were some bumps like this local guy Jimmy yach man he was worse than Robbie what are you doing over there it makes smoke mini fresh what are you a scientist now no I drive a truck for Kipper toe yard I thought you knew that and you suck what I didn't hear that first of all no and second who's feeding you all this false information well that would be your mother son yeah I think you better stop you better stop now cuz like Omar say you come at the king you best not miss but I I I I didn't come at you anyway boys I've been working out a song about the hottest shorty boo that ever did walk the face of the Earth and I'm telling you this right now Randy one day she will be mine now this I swear check this out I'm a son of a gun not a box of Six Gun repeater I'm a Backdoor Man not just some Walmart Greer yeah I'm rocking the double five5 [Music] Wier looking for bry's love [Music] meter damn it I know I suck ain't got no poetry it's a girl like brandy you got to have some poetry in you check it out it's a catch 22 cuz a woman like that puts the Poetry in you damn it the frisco I hate poetry I can't stand poetry damn Joe Dirt it ain't right it ain't right it should be me man it should be me not Joe D sorry about that guitar thing man got out of hand yeah it is what it is we all have our cross the bear mine is Joe piece of dirt yeah Jimmy that dude was trouble waiting to happen but my girls man look at them they was growing like weeds three beautiful flowers yeah more flowers than weeds forget weeds they was growing like flowers but deep down inside I was feeling like who is I to be happy you know so I was always nervous feeling like it could all go away turns out was right to be worried cuz soon it all started unraveling on me I got this job as a logger and one day it all started come Crashing Down on Me came down real [Music] bad oh yeah oh yeah wo Luke I'm your loger you can't hear it's was funny all right here we [Music] go it's [Music] p that's lunch I think I cut 66 logs so far man probably get a good price down to the mil hey dirt yeah you strong you know it pick that up kind of walked into that one didn't I yeah hey DK you look like Elmer fud in that hat [ __ ] more like Elmer fudge packer oh yeah that guy in the cartoons yeah I guess looking stupid yeah I seem who have forgotten my lunch maybe uh you give me an apple core when you're done with it nah you can't have that boy I do have something for you here you go if I joining I got one for him come on dirty dirt come on oh I got one I got one for a face to land on [Music] myself oh little up close in person oh boy boy that one's got sourkraut hey little logger boy sexy Joe these boys giving you trouble oh no missy we're just uh we're just funing around can you keep a secret yeah I guess so then keep this a [Music] secret come on dang that secret had some Secret Sauce in how was there a worst one oh man Missy I still got some MK gas [Laughter] left let's get this guy paper towel hey R crap can you read F Boy tell me what I had for something last night all right that's it man 22 times ain't funny no more is this where you want to be when Jesus comes back farting in Jo dirt's face I I will take my chances [Music] daddy why are they farting on [Music] you and right there it started to Dawn on them that their dad the dad they used to think was Superman wasn't no Superman he was a loser he was just Joe Dirt [Music] y'all leave him alone stop farting into his face or there's more whoop ass where that came from Missy what I have a medical condition scram girl can't catch a break honey are you all right yeah Brandy I can take care of myself I don't need you kicking these guys butts for me I know you can take care of yourself baby of course you can and that was it they saw right through me I'm just the boy who was left at the Grand Canyon like some empty popsicle rapper you know like cherry or lemon lime oranges and other flavor I you see I never invented anything something great I didn't do anything like that I didn't invent anti-gravity or SNES or then back off Jackie 7 sand mud flaps those are cool I wish I did I just thought if I was rich or famous you know I could make him proud and then they'd love me for real Joe that's ridiculous you love them they love you go tell them it'll be fine I can't because everything just went away like I knew it would you know one time when I was growing up I was in one of my many foster homes they had a guy come speak to us and he was super smart he's wearing glasses and everything he said something that stuck with me never forget it he said revolutions never happen in countries where things get so bad that people can't take it anymore now revolutions happen when things just get a little bit better people get a taste of what they've been missing and I got that I got my family and now it's gone P what happened well this is a part of the story where it gets really weird there's a storm coming man a big storm a mess up your hair really bad storm head to the basement come on cover your eyes it's all going to be okay cover your eyes come on girls basement go babe come on baby hurry hurry Daddy I'm there it's just wind baby I know baby it's just daddy my princess here I'll let it in the trailer it's okay you'll be there tomorrow honey but it was a birthday present from [Music] daddy I'm going get it it's okay baby I'm Superman I'll be [Music] back be careful Jo St [Music] oh dang that twister is getting close yeah this one for real hope go SC for car ow daddy girls what happened to the storm what are you talking about loser go make us some cash like Kanye treat us like [Music] North [Music] him in the JW he's all yours he's all yours back him up back him up KN him down [Music] ch oh CRA you see that y'all see what happened a trailer come out of the sky L on Lucky Louie Lucky Lou's dead that could have been any one of us dang what happened you done kill the most vicious leader ever had up to smoking Jokers no you killed lucky Louie and with just one house no no man I I didn't kill nobody I was spinning in the Twister and it's a bad storm and through me what storm yeah it was black clouds now it's all tweet tweet I don't know what happened you killed lucky Lou and now you're our new leader as long as you we at ease we go where you you go and we ride where you ride oh man these are nice rubies a little fruity but I'll take them name's vle what's your name brother Joe Joe Dirt Joe Deere which is it oh uh Joe de y'all hear that all hell Joe Dirt all hell Jo dir you guys ain't going to fart on me are you well long story short we stomped those three dudes so so bad they got to take their boots off to piss anyway that kind of ass kicking Fun's an everyday thing for us and now you get to tell us who to kick and in w ass all right man well kind of like monkey SE monkey do I like that okay how about this I need a vet cuz these puppies are sick are sick not bad I'm I'm a good leader but I'm actually not I'm no good I know I couldn't lead a colony of ants to a melting Hershey bar to be honest believe me I tried but I do have three daughters I want you to meet I got a pretty wife I'll bring her down we have fun maybe brunch but by the way you know all the kids stuff blah blah so no talking about fighting and drinking and spitting and punching and kicking you get it cuz you know that kind of violent imagery for a child I don't want besides this is the year 2015 I don't know about even a motorcycle gang fighting per se it's not 2015 it's 1965 no I'm saying now is 2015 June 2015 no it's definitely June but it ain't no 2015 Mr Dirt this is June 1965 1965 well that's true I be running around in diapies that's when I was born I don't got no diapies on but anyway I like it here and I want to meet everybody and I think as a new leader I'm going to name everybody because you know gangs have nicknames I think that's fun I'm going to start in the back you think I'm ignoring you back there you got sort of a beak on your nose like uh little bit like a bird what's a funny bird name uh birds not that's too uninteresting a mean one is vulture your vulture now on anyone asks you okay let's look around the room all right here we go there's uh mean Marvin no soap Sam douchebag Jolly mean giant Church burner Froot Loop palm tree Crazy Eyes Dopey Inky more like stinky we got pillow butter reload no nuts mama hates you gooey load queefy jockstrap Johnny okay teabagger Vance Nucky futs Charlie dog super dumb there's going to hell there's Gary con artist Connie one eye two ey a twoy is no good everybody's two ey right that's I'm running out uh Porn Stash little killer medium killer flat ass boogie oogie share Mitch the [ __ ] kneecaps no teeth knock knock who's there you're ugly ugly that whole thing is your nickname and you are uh I forgot you foggle how about lead singer of Blue Oyster Cult you'll get that one that's funny you seen them you they're good maybe the bass player exact anyway as your new leader I command you to roll up your sleeves and let's do some charity work let's do some good for once you know let's get out there and help because that's where we want to be when Jesus comes back who's with me come on now let's do this you hear that everybody a little queer wants us to help people in need oh yeah is that queer man that queer think this is queer yes what well now next time don't make it a question you're all like is this queer so that just walks you right into the answer which is yes just make it a statement dumb ass oh yeah what about oh yeah hey P you're strong strong smelling yeah oh got you hold him up hold him up got you you that long to think of that uh to be honest I thought of it about a week ago and then uh I've been waiting to use it but I didn't think I would it's been in the chamber loaded up and guess who got it you woo guess what else I got your boots you think you're going to get them back not quite termite was those boots I'm running away good luck catching me which way am I going get back here you ain't man enough to wear those boots you know that your jerk you ain't nothing you know that in your heart we will track you to the Gates of Hell let's go yeah stupid foggle what a dumb name he needs a cool name like Joe dear hey foggle why don't you go play Bogle God dang that's so funny why didn't I say it I think all the good one's too late well I got my tnis shoes and his stupid boots woohoo I don't need these sneakers no more whoopee fetch that Boggle man it usually takes me 27 times nice hey how come you threw your Snickers up over that power line oh you never seen that before no silly head silly head 1965 I must have traveled through some sort of Vortex and tumbled through time like a time traveler I don't know what's happening but I'll tell you that happens in the future we find out carbs are bad for you just a heads up hey you really from the future yeah man maybe you should move down to Louisiana and help me start my fishing business you and I together man we can catch a lot of shrimp I mean this rock shrimp Atlantic shrimp salt shrimp boo booo shrimp T shrimp shrimp on the stick shrimp romal shrimping your pasta shrimping you know I [ __ ] shrimp okay so no on the shrimp Biz what's the situation with your hair did I call your number are we in a deli we are not and I did not goodbye you call number three did I call number no that was a metaphor this ain't really a bakery man yeah all right all I know I was just patiently waiting my turn you see that he's patiently waiting his turn all right that's nice instead of yelling out nonsense yeah one day I'm going to dig a hole well that's great man see there you go you're going to have a great big hole it's going to be the biggest one and I'm glad you're setting goals it's going to be in my living room yeah well you had me then you lost me there are you married I am married now that's a normal question man I'm married to Brandy she's sweet wait a minute is she like a great big F fat person a great big fat person she is not she's about 115 I'm guessing I really wish those numbers were turned around like 511 well then she'd be a great big fat person uh yeah no I like her 115 anything over like 400 I'm not super attracted to I'd like to cut her skin off and then sew it together so that I could wear it as a human track suit maybe I'm hearing you wrong it sounds a little um not normal what you're saying her name's Bob uh if I had any friends they'd call me Buffalo Bob uh why don't you give me a call if your wife ever becomes a great big fat person Buffalo Bob that sounds you have no idea what kind of hell I can bring you oh all right enough you broken record does what it's told Say It Don't Spray it brother dang Buffalo Bob oh man was it is that all in my living room cuz that's step one uh got to run there's a huge crazy party behind that shed you can go there's three tickets left see I was thinking you know since we're both seniors now maybe it's time we uh you know um wait a second I I think I see Jill I've got to go talk to her she um she needs help with her homework all right homework is important I'll be here waiting like always wow that was a total red light she gave you nothing but brake fluid you're smothered in it so funny I forgot to laugh this is time to try the old popcorn surprise what's up popcorn surprise right listen up here's the skinny see I put a hole to the bottom of a large to of popcorn does the popcorn fall I don't know it it doesn't matter all right after I cut the hole through I put my uh my thingy up through the hole wait hold on now fellow you lost me what's the thingy get smart get smart fast that thing you used to go number one oh so that's what keeps the popcorn from falling that makes sense yeah I I guess so that's not the point all right anyways after I get my thingy stuck up through the hole she reaches to grab the popcorn presto handful of thingy oh that's cool spread the word around it's going to be classic y all right all right go go go so he finally made his move on you yeah he's sweet but I don't have those kind of feelings for him oh you need to check your temperature girl because he's the most dreamiest boy in school Brandy hey woo sorry I just ran five miles chasing you what are you doing here what are you wearing that looks funny I'm sorry do I know you Brandy and my name isn't Brandy I'm Ashley well if it's 1965 and you're Ashley yeah it's 1965 strango what about it you're freaky guy oh my God are you bry's Mom I don't know what you're saying but I have always liked the name Brandy I can see me naming a daughter that yeah you can cuz you do why you talking to our girls and what's the deal with your hair you weirdo yeah show them your muscles fellas maybe he'll scram and scram fast check this out you even lift listen I better go because these guys are getting a little cranky all right so listen ashleen I think I came here to the past to fix something about myself you know so I I deserve the daughter that you're going to have one day I don't know what you mean I it sounds I don't know either and by the way do not eat Jimmy's popcorn okay Jimmy oh no his name is Rory Rory Yak oh fudge that's Jimmy's dad oh man this [ __ ] just got officially weird hey you watch your language buddy boy fella you want a big bar of soap in your mouth hey are you a vet cuz these puppies are sick huh yeah you like that one talk to the fist cuz the and is pissed oh those are from the future you just got futurized you got a burn and it came down from the future and got you you're little days right now it'll go away but don't fight it Just sh hey he's going to give you the popcorn surprise what's a popcorn surprise I give you a hint it's more surprise and popcorn okay just promise me you don't put your hand in that cup all right just think of me as your guardian angel all right looking out for the love of my life bye how are you son this movie's a hoot isn't it Dad what are you what are you doing here Mom I want some popcorn Mom what are you guys he hey no no no no yeah don't stop don't [Applause] stop it won't come out oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh my god oh man old comic books and Min condition for 10 cents a piece not bad give Joe Dirt lemons he going to make golden made n lemonade we going make one this must be why I'm here to get rich so my girls will love me for real instead of the loser that I am I'll buy them presents oh yeah this one is going to buy abene braces this one's going to buy braces for Dakota and this one what could I get Cheyenne I get braces and this Brandy you're going to get a new used car don't worry little tree that won't hurt you you're going to grow up big and strong pretty nice take that Home Depot yeah Life's a garden dig it well that was easy now that I'm rich I'm going to get back to my trailer that's where this whole thing started and uh maybe that's where this whole thing ends a no no no oh no no no crap now well well well if it isn't Joe Dirt hey Fogle now see when I ride with a man like this guy I got a nice sick phone book between us like this thing right here that way we're not really touching each other right now Joe here if he were to ride behind a man he probably wouldn't have a phone book dividing him from the other man no no no he would say uh no I don't need no foone book in between us because I'd rather be nice and cozy or if he put something in between him and the other man he would want it to be a little bit thinner like a magazine uh like a [Music] menu really thin menu understand like a Kleenex you wish you thought a Kleenex want those boots Joe Fogle look what I'm doing I'm taking them off you know you ain't mad enough to wear those boots you give them to me boy what if I unzipped and rubbed them on my private parts you wouldn't like that you don't put that nowhere near your thingy that scare you I'll do it oh yeah I'm crazy I do it oh look here come your police too bad cuz you're the bad guy I'm a good guy hey are you Joe Dirk oh yeah hey there hi there ho there officer what is crapping it figured it was you you had that weird hairo they said you called a mullet oh yeah that's me did you buy comic books with uh this here money oh yeah you know I did that's right well then you're under arrest for using counterfeit money what no I it ain't count of it it's future money from my future pocket you just tell that to them down at the station no oh I'm under arrest so those guys can't kill me now what guys those guys see you later I'm innocent sorry hey get back here oh I bumped your car sorry come on we got to go get him Pursuit on foot going West on hartburg get over Joe Dirk where your personal demon from Hell let's go where's my phone book so I was on the lamb they even let the dogs out on me and everything but I got away man I pretended to be a scarecrow in the field them stupid cops they never caught me what about the dogs uh the dogs I don't know I don't remember anyway so there it was on the Run escaped from the police well police dogs have a real good sense of smell even if you were a scarecrow how could the dogs not find you uh you know they did find me but I got lucky they just uh walked away anyway how did they just walk away I mean they just walked away they knocked me over on the pull on the ground and they just walked away I don't know they had dog stuff to do F on the wrong why would they just walk away God dang with the dogs who gives a care the dogs all right you got to solve the case all right they all humped me is that what you want to know you found it out Nancy Drew you solve the case of the horny dog well glad you got a good chuckle out of it that was terrible that was Man's Best Friend more like man's best friend with benefits I'm sorry I'm sorry I I don't know if you started the dogs like to hump people's legs bad but but think about it you started the shoes on the line and the mullet you know you might be like the white trash Johnny apple seed well maybe you know once I extricated myself from the dog pile they were are done uh basically once they got the money shot if you get my drift which I hope you don't oh God anyway so there it was on the run I was running through the night you can't believe what I saw rubies I like any place sounds like boobies oh man where's the crowd when you need them I get some lol's [Applause] [Music] going [Music] [Music] oh man that singer looks like a young Ronan [Applause] sing wait that's Ronnie Bob Gary oh my God this is Leonard Skinner before that was King what what what oh man man you guys are so good oh so you really dug our sound huh what uh I I do think you guys have potential well cool cuz we're just barely scratching by not making a dime well I think that's all going to change but I have one criticism and don't do not take this the wrong way I'm just saying maybe Tinker with the name of the band you know you don't like the wild cats no yeah no I don't actually because wild cats is too like generic and boring like any animal it's like Mir cat you know you know Mir cat manner you don't know but it's just it needs to be more distinct I feel distinct yeah I mean this is rock and roll a name means everything man all the cool bands have cool names you want to kick ass you want it to stand out wild cats I just don't think does it man do you got any other ideas hey I got one what about wham wham what it sounds kickass right it's like Wham it says if you mess with us we'll beat you down we'll blow you away we don't care where in a dark alley or in a public toilet I feel like Wham is just gut instinct not the way to go what about Frankie Goes to Hollywood absolutely not what about share share what about Air Supply oh my God be real what about kajo what New Kids on the Block what we're getting colder okay you said we're going to be big right going straight to the top all right then One Direction what is craping no I do Pet Shop Boys though what about spice boys that's pretty good come on man we need some contenders here what is this crap I got one now get ready for this okay it's a little out of left field but be open-minded Leonard skinnard not that gym coach's name we don't even like that guy I know Legend has it it's your gym coach what Legend Ah that's a long story but but seriously guys I know he's your coach but you change it a little bit you add a d you add a random why another Renegade y over here and then it's Leonard skinnard and Presto Chango people remember that that guy gave me I know about skin you remember that time he chased the other coach around his underwear in the gym that whacked out but [Music] your oh my God that's so good oh man oh trust me you guys are going to be big that song is so perfect I'm telling you that's like an Anthem like a southern toe Tapper to say the least man on a huge ometer it's going to break the needle like a big wedding song more like divorce really where does it go man it's too slow too slow listen this guy oh my God it's going to be 9 Minutes 9 Minute tune yeah I know I mean it could be it could be 9:08 9 Minutes 8 seconds yeah when you got it that good don't rush it what I would do I would talk at the beginning sing sing if it's about a bird you know letting it go free and then maybe just kill some time in the Middle with an instrumental like anything I would probably [Music] go yeah yeah oh man you got it I kid you not like I said you're going to be rich and famous trust the [ __ ] out of me on this one yeah big rock stars with a Chuck full of money and girl and jaming of the Night Living the great life you know it man exactly everyone's going to look up to you you're going to have tons of fans your kids are going to be proud of you your family's going to have so much money buy anything you want we could buy our own airplane yeah I was 8 years old when I heard about that plane crash just goes to show you you never really know what's going on in people's lives you know everything can look great and you can wish you were them but then sounds like a lesson in there yeah I know there's a lesson and I know I was supposed to walk into that club and meet skard that night but I ain't real smart and my head always feels all jingly jangly which is a southern term meaning gangly wangle there's always noise in it like if people are dropping change in there and not picking up the pennies it just it makes me crazy man but but then when I think I'm starting to figure stuff out Along come these [ __ ] get us [Music] the get back here with those boots you little [ __ ] don't you get on that train don't you get on that train hey take that Bogle what a burn made it and so there I was just clickey clacking through the night I got to thinking how does this foggle dude and all them always know where I am it's almost like they're living inside my head you know I mean there's definitely a lot of empty space in there but where would they put their motorcycles where would they go to the bathroom I whatever a I'm sick of being [Music] alone I wish Brandy was here right now I can pretend she's here got got a few minutes ah okay in the bedroom I come up behind tickle her back pull that scrunchie out yeah get the hair down pick up the pace pick up the pace sorry buddy huh had to light my cigar show is just starting keep going no you didn't see nothing yeah we did you over there looking like a paint Cher going at it can we get in on that action yeah maybe we can figure out some kind of naked pyramid or something got IDE man I Ain no party Bo H oh just a dream a thank oh again but this time not just them you get us too oh okay you like sausages Joe I like sausage I usually get bacon but I mix it up I like to have fun at breakfast you know maybe you should take a little nibble off mine no that's not supposed to be that don't walk here you got some Viagra no no it's me Joe kicking Wing holy crap on a crutch what's up I missed you but they don't call me kicking Wing anymore I'm kicking ass it's took your advice oh man that's a good one that's cool I got tons of good ideas man so where have you been how's the fireworks game um not in the fireworks game Joe growth potential wasn't enough I'm a drug dealer now what you don't do drugs I don't get high on my Supply oh that's catchy baby who's this clown this is the legendary Joe Dirt good friend so you sell heroin and all that kind of crap no just aspirin and weed what I can get Aspen from a baby I can get weed in a vending machine in Denver cuz you know what no one gives a care about weed anymore understand rubber band well aspirin and weed is the ones I like oh well that's your problem you're not selling to the mirror my man you're forgetting about the consumer again I'm a really good drug dealer um Kim Possible you're going to stand there calling yourself a really good drug dealer and you ain't got no Crystal MTH no black tar these are the basics no zy bars white crosses Special K moon rocks no Zipit poppets whippets black beauties or cocaine also known as yo power flower talk chalk Devil's dander or sniff jiy no no chenene no VJ no just aspirins and weed so you're supposed to be taken seriously in your chosen new profession and you don't move no purple micro dot no gold paint a huff no angel dust PCP Molly Charlie Charlie car crank ice crack Boom Pow snizzle Zoomers Boomers hker do oh wait I think that's a firecracker is it no it's both uh no Yellow Jackets morning wood or one single bottle of Codine cough syrup with or without the Jolly Rancher you must get high all the time you seem psycho oh wait was this a dream yeah this is going to be a dream oh then I can say something mean back all right say it again you must get high all the time you seem psycho oh you must bone a lot of dudes you seem like a [ __ ] I do oh backfire oh I'm so glad it's a dream you ain't a drug dealer you're right Joe it is a dream come on kicking ass kick him off the train I want to get high don't you understand Joe this whole dream represents you trying to become something you shouldn't be think about that Joe oh man it was great to see kick and Wing but not as a drug dealer and that's when it hit me what what what he was trying to tell me what he wanted me to figure out was then I got sleepy yo Molly mullon it's me the clumsy segue fairy you're dreaming we're inside a dream that's inside a Daydream that's being influenced by a vague sense of on WE and this is Joe Dirt to and why have we overwritten this now go back to sleep you're going to wake up in the middle of nowhere REM them dreams is trying to tell me something especially kicking wings I don't even know what Xander Kelly was doing in there and I have no idea what on WE means either all in all I was starting to feel like Alice in Wonderland you know if Alice was a cool dude and Wonderland was like place where everyone benches a lot and you're cool and yeah that's a bad comparison but things just definitely getting we hey guys what's crapping what's your name well listen it's a bit unusual and I've heard all the jokes and I've heard them about my hair so might as well skip it it's Joe dirt dirt it's a pretty shitty name don't you think I guess we're not going to skip it yeah listen it could have been Connor or Willow or Aiden or Jaden or maybe Kobe or trist how's your health that's a bit personal well my health is good I feel like it might get worse in a few minutes you you ain't a smoker huh no but I do dip skull Just A Pinch Tri a cheek and gum I've tried cope you know between us but it's a little strong I get dizzy I like to call it the poor man's amusement ride we're about to go on a big ride [Applause] a bright light sord of the touch oh somebody's getting a bad stitching award what they do ah seashell oh I at the beach oh sand castle time so they harvested me what yeah harvested you yeah they dug deep they got my kidney they got my gallbladder they got some liver Parts I guess they were making some cat food or something I don't know oh I I thought that was just like an urban legend how creepy yeah you know maybe I started that after the surgery they left all kinds of crap inside of me like you know on accident I'm guessing what they left uh scissors inside me uh they left a hamburger wrapper 39 cents and change and some of those plastic pluggy things that you stick in a corn cob to hold it better also one of them cans that says moo when you turn it upside down no you see nothing hang on there we go a it's nice to see you laughing my little girls would laugh so hard at that they think it's so funny wish I could hear that so where was this Beach uh actually it's a desert island I was there a long time about 12 [Music] years dear whoever finds this message in a bottle I'm trapped on a desert island and I'm losing hope of ever being found man uh I probably just wasted time writing the word man wasn't a necessary word and I don't have much ink so that's [Music] [Music] dumb I'm using my own blood I'm crossing off man sorry for the mess as i gaze out the Sea of the rocks that look like a giant Church steeple it makes me think of the day I married the love of my life Brandy I miss her I miss my girls I'm lonely out my ass hope somebody gets this and replies P.S no smokers I'm just kidding sign Joe deer PPS AKA Joe Dirt I ain't fooling nobody with the deer thing I'll give up on it yeah woohoo I hope this is mine dear Joe Dirt you sound so lonely and lost and as i gaze out of my my Marriott hotel window I can see the same church steeple rocks you mentioned in your letter anyway what hotel are you staying in I'm in room 347 write me back or call Mar what the [Music] [ __ ] yeah 12 years on this cultured effing freaking [ __ ] Taco Bell hey mister huh are you Bigfoot what no man no I'm not Bigfoot I'm tired foot hey Bigfoot why did you climb all those rocks over there instead of using this Trail what year is this it's 1977 Bigfoot oh man what what city am I in it's Miami Bigfoot oh man I need to go down just a wipe it's rough down there I've been wiping with seaweed and clamshells for 12 years Bigfoot bye Bigfoot you oh you got to get going okay yeah see you later Bigfoot okay I'll catch you later maybe I'll ride it in a bottle and throw it to you I'm kidding wait is this the way down 27 cents for all new JD threads woo now we just got to get the bugs out of my hair skinnard man those poor guys I'm complaining about my stupid problems and these guys screw them man I was on an island for 10 years I'm in Florida what a dumb crap I just get stupider wait a second is that dude clam wait that's clam hey clam sorry I'm sorry to hey hey CL Frank Frank Frank Frank clam hey Mr deaddy I'm sorry this is my name is Joe D I'm from the future I know it sounds crazy I heard about the future everybody's got a big head right enlarged eat pills to live you fly around with a jetpack ah not quite yet I mean we have a bedazzler jetpacks are not at the Walmart just as of now but we have the Cronut it's really doing well I ate 30 once I was drunk it was like 28 but I brag and say 30 but here's the real thing in the future I just want to tell you it sounds crazy I know but we're friends you're like a dad to me I mean we hang out and and you live in silver town you Sav me from bullies Vinnie whack this kid he's talking nonsense then dump his body in a trunk then dump his crazy hair in a different trunk got it Uncle Frank no no Mr Vinnie wait once I I'm telling you I'm from the future I'll prove it oh there's a TV what's that NASCAR I know NASCAR that that's Daytona 500 I bet I can tell you who wins is that good if this was true you will become very important you got 5 seconds I start counting now three what wait what happened to one and two I had them Mar four wait go okay hold on Daytona Speedway 1977 that's uh oh my God Richard Petty I think SCP car then you got a Daryl wall tripping Gatorade AJ for is third then Donnie Allison then who Who's fifth five k yo go yeah yeah guys we just found a goose that lays the golden eggs oh I L him this Goose's name is what Jo dir Joe Dirt Joe Dirt yeah okay it's all [Applause] right this was all paying off we was getting richer I was getting richer go around the world traving down the highway TR my around the world hey Daddy I sum I'm too did a d bet you can't do that Daddy but I was missing my family Daddy really missing them something awful sounds crazy but I recorded a bunch of actresses doing little jibber jabber you know to remind me of Home Hey Joe Dirt watch my cartwheel wait no not Joe Dirt Daddy watch my cartwheel dad can do a back handspring can you do a flip too so anyway that's the whole story and I know you believe me cuz all those Rises up and stuff came true anyway clam I know the future and I know something about you and I know something about your wife we must not know we're not supposed to know the future that is laid out for us because choices must remain for us to make that's how it must be are you saying that if you could learn what's going to happen in the future you don't even want to know each day must remain without Horizon that we save it for the now okay yeah I know what you're saying that you never know how hot it is until you lose your shade tree no I speak with more Elegance than M I'm not talking Trifles from a calendar or bumper sticker or the poster of that cat you've seen it it's everywhere cat hangs upside down from a tree underneath the cat it says hang in there right this is not nonsense the cat must not just hang there the cat must go fix its problems the cat must find the thing that gives it trouble then smack that thing in the side of the head with a brick the cat must ask does your mother's Soul huh Kaboom BFF get it to stitch that you see what I'm saying yeah cats are hard to train I know but clam I mean M Mr Benedetti you've convinced me that we are friends in a few you call me Clen oh man I love it well Clen you just turned my life around man you made me Rich me too yeah this is like a crazy accent I saw you because now I'm going to be able to buy my kids so much stuff I'm going to be so important to them now Jo I I think you have not learned all the things you need to know from me but for now there's something more important that bothers me concerns me this girl you talk about this Brandy something nags me in the back of my head what if you miss the first time you meet her everything's going to be off the future is going to be badshit crazy oh that's so true that's so smart I didn't think of that CLM I need to make it back to where I first met Brandy to make everything happen that's when her dog's balls got stuck on a porch he Wasing his balls and it was 40 below zero outside what do you expect yeah Joe let's have one for the road I I don't even know if I should have a drink because I got my liver taken out and who gives a [ __ ] yeah huh okay let's do it okay no kidney no problem that's right let's do it yeah where are [Music] you oh man oh you're awake not feeling good I bet huh oh I think I was drunk cuz you know I had some of my innards harvested yeah that would explain the empty spots on the X-ray but drunk is an understatement they found you running naked with a Roman Candle sticking out of your ass you tried to eat a bunch of pigeons then you climbed on stage at a Donnie Osman con start screaming what do y'all do with Van Halen and then this huge guy punch you incredibly hard directly in your testicles oh check this out oh you're going to love this oh that's me your balls are basically like hey man let's go see what his throat is talking about oh there was a tour bus that was driving by you know it was a bunch of Japanese and you know how those people are with their cameras my wife is Asian what's up with the jokes like like what are you some Grand Wizard or something no man I I didn't say nothing you kned you kned like a [ __ ] anyway the punch was so masterful that your testicles are up way inside you and they would have gone a lot higher had they not bounc off your heart oh wait my my ball sacks where your balls are in your stomach and your sacks are literally being digested as we speak and that's not fantastic so what we're gonna have to do is yank them out you mean gently extract yes by extract we mean Yang and so we have these things that look like solid tongs actually they are solid tongs from The Sizzler salad bar you know there's there's always some good [ __ ] at Sizzler Sizzler yeah I'm usually buried in cornbread I don't look up I usually say this may hurt a bit but this is definitely going to hurt all right are you ready let's breathe whoa is there a parakeet huh in here damn man why are you yelling why did you yell in my ear well it hurt like a mofo oh yeah but what about my ear you could have turned your face that way you could have screamed at that wall but you wanted to yell in my e whoa whoa whoa who well good news uh you can say that I definitely extracted your balls a lot of credit goes to the workout regimen I've been on uh they're they're hanging a little low man they do hang but low remember clackers oh clackers that's my balls oh that's too far don't worry balls have a great healing mechanism you'll be back May June wait May or June I got to go to Silver town by tomorrow uh you shouldn't do that you shouldn't travel see your balls look like tube socks with lemons in them and that's usually the side effect from the yanked aomy I performed oh but if I don't go to Silvertown I don't meet Brandy and my whole Future's thrown off do you understand I got to go [Music] [Music] okay good evening folks we'll be starting our descent into Spokan Washington in a few minutes so if anybody needs to use the restroom please do so now good idea I'm going take a pee real quick oh oh turbulence everybody give me a second are those your balls yeah is that an apple little little turbulente dang too much turb got to sit down and pee like a little girl my sir are you okay in there no look my KN got sucked in look oh my god oh what' you do that for that's so stupid I'm not on trial here I did an accident what's going on oh good sweet I need help his man's gotten his ball sack stck down the toilet I just got suck this an accident I pushed the thing I'm sorry I I quit I I hate balls to start off with no I'm not qu no you are not help you out with this I don't know what to do they didn't deal with this in stward is school sir you got to lift them up when I flush okay no that doesn't sound like it's going to work no no it didn't work it didn't work well we going to try it again we going to try it again 1 two three you [ __ ] what are you doing I'm sorry don't do it I never say that b word but it's took too much you can't do that we need to think of it new strategy what is going on out here ladies a look what is trying to what the whoa yeah whoa I going get you guys some help let's clean that up you want me to clean this up first you get the guy's balls out of the toilet watch your face sir it's coming in get out of here with your foot I need you to return to your seat so you got to get your nuts up out of that don't kick me Jack ch I passed out for a minute oh right not again do you really have to parade me across the TAC is there not a shortcut I'm out here on display hey guys I'm usually in a Hemi oh man is there a second gear on this you see where that is right right you see it it's just crazy cuz that for his left nut is right in that one gear right there in the gear box and his other one his other nut where' you take off from Miami Miami there other nut's probably back in Miami where they might have to ship it to you buddy are you funing me just hand me pliers and uh what do you think about a saw a saw wait like a hacks saw like to hack it off no no no saw by my balls thanks hey buddy can you let us conc it's going to take like four or five hours whatever don't matter four or five hours no way man I got to take an airplane to AO I got to be honest man planes are out of the question you're going to have to drive drive I can't drive with these balls plus I drive Mopar not some crummy rental car so I rented a car and now I was heading home but of course I ran out of gas typical everyone saw that coming and then I hopped the train and that was fun cuz the guy even let me drive it for a second well I screwed that up fast I didn't stick around to fill out no paperwork I just started running I'm actually a good runner I'm actually not oh man if it isn't dirty Joe dir oh man hey Fogle phone books look small thinner these days look how about you give us some boots and we'll kill you only half as slow as we was going to how did you find me man I met you back in 1965 Joe Dirt were the dream you can't SLP the ache in your heart with the darkness just outside of your life been hounding you since the day you was left behind like garbage by your M paw we're an allegory and reality and your time is up this is it's going to be good [Music] hey I don't like your tongue talking to my boy all wrong he clown who are you I come to check on my boy Joe dirty he's my Goose to lays the golden eggs you don't mess with my Goose unless you're a gander tell me are you a gander no no I'm not a gander Clen I'm so glad to see you man I got to get out of here I got to go to bry's house right now I want those boots piss a Joe go meet you woman I will take care of these dunkies you know we're kind of running the show here we've got our uh chains and knives don't bring a knife to a gunfight especially if I got the guns no now ding hey Clen you don't have to do this for me buddy Joe D we made meet again someday I don't know but for that to happen you must meet your destiny you've learned how hot it is when you lose your shade tree go get your shade tree back thanks man hey by the way why doesn't it sound fruity when you say that you don't have time for the explanation I don't bye fog I got to go Jo dirt your and you you're done with your dirt you must never haunt his dreams again you must never be that voice of doubt that makes him think he's not good you dance with Jo dirt is done I'll let you know when it's over hey does your mother's Soul kab [Music] Back [Music] get her to stitch [Music] that [Music] Charlie we got to get you unstuck is there anybody out there that will help me oh yeah thank goodness we' got to help Charlie I's born to help Charlie what's going on I was thinking maybe warm water in a spatula that's a great idea okay oh man keep your mouth shut mud all right I'm looking at you too he's all good come on back Charlie Jimmy thank you you're welcome it ain't nothing how did you do that don't worry about it that's a a guy thing right there Brandy hey I'm sorry do I know you it's me Brandy Joe Dirt Joe Dirt what kind of name is that it's me we're supposed to meet here right now right exactly now with Charlie we become friends and and eventually we get married boy what are you talking about is he wasted or something um Mr Dirt I can't talk right now Jimmy I need attend to my dog Brandy I'm rich now I'm super rich I'm somebody that's worth loving Mr Dirt money doesn't interest me all that much I'm more interested in a man that is kind like somebody that would help a dog in distress what hell just yesterday I saved 15 raccoons by giving them out the mouth cuz they was choking on garbage and stuff heck I'll save anybody especially you Brandy you know cuz I am armed a MD right there I'm sorry Joe I really am thanks for listening I appreciate it right now you're probably the only friend I have oh there's my BS see you we the fire lady he got kick to the Cur so we dirt [ __ ] up a couple of things Dam she just left that boy was left with nothing but uh you know last time all he had was his freedom I you know what freedom is yeah another word for Nothing Left to Lose look at you all grow up and being star skiing pets I had a cousin name Randy yeah but much like Ned batty braced against the shell wall and deliverance this time he's got [ __ ] tons to lose but uh come on it's Joe Dirt there's always one more Ace up his wife Peter let's pick this story back [Music] up hey what's up hey dude where'd you come from you scared the crap out of me looks like you've just completely given up hjo look at oh man that car just drove through you like like a car driving through you are you some sort of ghost or something H ghostlike yeah check this out put put your hand right here just touch it oh no that's your that's your private parts man private but you're invited go ahead put it right there it's going to go right through me I won't even feel it I won't even feel it try really yeah all right I ain't being fruy all right oh I did oh yeah that felt nice that felt no no don't say that that that's wrong you could have bought me dinner first we just met you talk slow but you move fast yeah it's like there's a dog whistle in my pants and only you can hear it do it again one more time I want to see if you can get me off again no I didn't get you off man I ain't no party boy come on Joe I'm just messing with you I'm just trying to lighten the mood I never never figure you for a quitter weren't you the guy who once said Life's a garden dig yeah I also said Say It Don't Spray it but that Joe's gone man Life's a garden dig it ain't nothing but a bumper sticker well don't you think that sometimes bumper stickers have a little bit of Truth in them yeah you know the one one that says wrap it latex or she'll get your paychecks that one's got lots of Truth yeah sure and then I remember that one uh that said to coexist yeah that's not as funny and then they took the coexist and they changed it to Joe exist to put his hands on Dick come on Joe I want you to come with me I want to show you something I want I want to take you to Silver Town silver town no way man that place is Thousand Miles Away literally and fingered and F fig were you going for figuratively cuz I know that you were just going for some homo action in my pants just a minute ago Joe when you're with me Silver town is just a second away all right wait a second is this silver town oh man it's all gone to hell what happened you didn't happen Joe I want to help although my guess is you would have rather had it gone to the Thunder Down Under the Thunder Down Under show that's a bunch of dudes dancing around why do you keep saying crap like that you couldn't wait to get your hand on my dick and I get it you know we all want what we can't have you want to touch what's on the other side of the light and the closest thing to you was my dick but you wanted to wear it like a [ __ ] wrist wash which would be great right then you could say oh what time is it it's 15 minutes to Dick SN for 11:00 9:00 Snapper drink a gallon of her fist just to see where it came from oh that's nice yeah yeah I got Brandy and she's my girl and I don't but I guess what they say you know you're on a diet but don't mean you can't look at the menu right just cuz you're petting the dog doesn't mean you don't have sex with it right I don't know you're creeping me out you're so creepy you're so creepy my dick had you hello and now you're talking about having sex with animals and [ __ ] I don't get you no dude okay you're twisting things around I just said silver towns looks way different but I don't say sex with animals that don't turn me on man that's that's weird stuff I mean maybe Jessica Rabbit it's not called Silver Town anymore Jimmy Yak bought this joint changed its name to uh Jimmy Town what dude why would he do that well you got rich Joe he got rich as hell but all he does anymore is uh sit around and pop Molly cut with ketamine and [ __ ] trip his balls off Joe Bell what happened back there you know when you fisted me I don't want things to get weird between the two of us if I could just be serious for a second what do balls taste like you know did you go to Guardian Angel school cuz I feel like maybe you flunked out hey hey you little punks come back here third time this week kids have ripped me off this used to be a town for families Community yeah I don't know last few decades something's gone missing it's like well it's like the glue is gone someone stole silver Town's glue oh wait is that one of the metaphors you talked about who are you talking to oh sorry man this uh this here's CLA he can't see me Joe Christ sakes kids ripping off comic books [ __ ] standing around talking to themselves it's all just [ __ ] oh man Joe ry's just outside of town Randy lives here this don't seem like her kind of place at all well these days this is her kind of place her life went down a different path on the day that she didn't meet you she's changed I mean she is still cute as a little puppy that little puppy had great tits and a nice ass oh man it's like diarrhea I can't stop you should see for yourself though oh hey man how'd you do that well because I'm an angel you [ __ ] Joe I want you to uh find Brandy okay you hear that it's poetry poetry Randy finally gave me the gift I knew she always had to give all the great words the great magical turns of a phrase that lives within me now and informs my music it's all because of her so you know what I'm thinking y'all want to get wasted real wasted real fast B some be party like a rockar all right here's what I'm thinking tampons come on man hear me out man you soak them in vodka and then we shove them straight up our asses oh wait what no no get your hammered ASAP man Mark McGrath does it every night I don't know that seems weird a little you guys question the iPhone well yeah but this seemed different than an iPhone you can't compare an iPhone with a tampon stop being such a bunch of [ __ ] now I demand you to stop being [ __ ] now start to soaking and get to shoving or you're out of my honor all of you keep soaking and shove soak and shove I want to hear your boys say it now so and Sh you better be right about that it's hard to get in there boss don't worry about it man just keep shoving it'll get there it'll get [Music] there how you doing n 10 oh yeah 14 these things are going up like easy peasy what 14 what did you say what who said that what are you saying um I thought I was eating them I thought he said he wasn't eating them man you said eat them I had like 14 I was eating them they taste like cotton candy wait a minute did you say but man oh my God Jimmy he was putting him up his butt this guy this guy was putting him up his butt what an idiot what an idiot they all went up your butt Cal I seen them all go up your butt no no no this sucks no I'm out I'm done with this party you suck Jimmy no you don't suck you're great man I love you you're awesome you're the best you're the best he sucks no I'm out this is terrible jimm this is stupid no Jimmy what a dumb idea hey Jimmy we got a situation out here come on man we're doing a science experiment here oh yeah but there's this guy out here what's up look man we caught this dude without an invitation you want me to throw his ass out I know you right you know me yeah it's Joe Dirt Jimmy I can't believe you're such a huge star in this big house man seems like just yesterday we was hanging out the gas oh now hold up a second now I ain't never hung out with nobody named Joe dir and I ain't about to start right now oh yeah you know I think I I confused you for somebody yeah I think you did and man get this boy a drink maybe clear his head up a little bit no man I'm cool no you ain't dang I walk into that every time hey where's uh is Brandy around so what what' you say is Brandy here oh you asking about Brandy now you're coming up in my house acting all buddy buddy like and now you're hitting on my wife no I didn't mean your wife br's not your yeah what oh my god when you took my place on the porch saving Charlie's balls that's right oh wait a minute you're that dude that walked up on me and Brandy that night in the porch when I was saving that stupid mud or something like that oh when you was talking about oh Brandy I love you I got so much money it's coming out of my butt it's no wonder col Ford wrote a song about you col Ford wrote a song about me yeah man the B of your dirt and here you are stupid mullet stupid facing all that well hello ladies W looky here looky here hey Jimmy ain't you just say you married to brownie now she does her thing I do my thing that's the way that thing goes so how you doing where your friends at you seen jacuzzi yet you going to love it come on now you got a twin sister not cool hey Brandon Sil hey hey I remember you you you're that rich guy you were going to help me with Charlie when he was stuck until Jimmy beat you to it and help me instead which might have been the last time Jimmy help me with anything Hey look it's some moreon with a Tennessee top head you nailed it bro Tennessee top it's actually a good one fellas I had not heard that one before got some new stuff oh yeah I bet you never heard that you're a winner either JY would have liked that one love Jimmy where is Jimmy forget about Jimmy baby you're with me now krina you're so sweet you're such a good friend to me oh yeah you look so hot tonight Brandy doesn't she look hot boys yeah yes I don't I don't think she looks that hot I mean no I mean she she's gorgeous but that's not the Brandy I'm used to you don't look like that I mean you look [ __ ] hot and that's that's good [ __ ] hot's good it's just not the regular hot but believe me there's a place for [ __ ] hot guys like that but Brandy isn't that kind of hot you're innocent sweeth hot I mean [ __ ] are great you know what I'm digging a hole I'll get out of it uh Brandy what's been happening in silver [Music] Town Brandy's been happening oh boy I didn't think those AMS was ever going to stop this has got more M's than M&M's cuz M&M's no laughs absolutely zero when Jimmy's here you laugh at everything cuts a fart everyone cracks up for 2 hours this town is called Jimmy town now my husband renamed it I kind of miss the old name and all that came with it Brandy I'd like to be all that came with it to you train that tickles Jimmy will get get mad he always gets mad no he'll just grab a camera and pop a rod you're just a lost little girl Brandy I didn't used to be I used to be a strong independent woman I don't know what happened to me could be the heroin heroin man what's going on in this town it's all mixed up I don't know what is and isn't mixed up anymore you're so deep Brandy you like when I do this to you don't you I bet you're wearing those silk little panties I bought for you ain't you don't say ain't or your mother will faint father will fall into a bucket of [Music] paint wow you me we have a connection Joe DK we used to always say that I say it all the time to our kid to uh to my kids kiss me Brandy like you mean it girl don't be halfway away with me no more brande all right that's it show's over everybody stop it right there that's enough what are you doing the hell what Are You Queer hey Brandy in another life we get married we fall in love we have three beautiful kids Cheyenne abalene and Dakota those are such sweet names well that's cuz you picked them I picked dumb names s talking oh man you scare me cuz you come out of nowhere sometimes look tell her tell her what you've learned oh yeah tell her how you feel okay I think I got it who's he talking to all right Brandy me and you was together and everything was going great and we was really happy and then something terrible happened I got taken away from you and the kids and then now I think I'm sent back to learn a lesson that if I have money oh what the hell come on damn it Joe are you you still don't get it look they told me you were dumb but I mean it's almost like you're I'm joking kind of dumb look I give up here I guess I'm not not going to get my wings and I'm never going to hear that beautiful sound what sound well you hear a certain kind of clay when an angel gets his wings whatever I look oh wait when an angel gets his wings that's from a movie or something like a TV show I've heard shut up dude you're seriously buming out the vibe in this room Brandy A had a monsoon in her panties thinking about me then you walk in here not remembering lines from It's a Wonderful Life That's I'm trying to get down and you're getting me down look this is just too confusing I've had too much to drink I got to go I got to go can I talk what' you do Randy I think I know what I'm supposed to know now I know it's I'm going to be different I don't know what you're saying just please stop I'm married to Jimmy but he doesn't feel like he's married to me my life feels like it is spinning out of control goodbye Joe [Music] JK well that went great I don't know what's going on anymore man I I don't know what I'm supposed to learn no you're not very bright said come on I don't ain't no toaster scientist what am I supposed to learn I bench 150 on a good day fact that I'm supposed to memorize a spark plug gap on a on a Plymouth 383 I don't know I just want my whole life back 150 is not that great hey Claire hey wait you're that woman that yelled at me in the bus bench that's right you farta I'm the good witch I'm the one that sent this hunky Angel to you no offense CL no offense really okay he's like the angel that saved that cracker ass Jimmy Stewart and helped that white racist ass Town tell me something how come they don't ever have any angels to save a black town you don't think black towns could use them help once in a while you ever seen Detroit that town is sucking some misery dick how come them [ __ ] in Hollywood don't throw us a bone every once in a while wait a second you're the good witch well maybe you should work on your like presentation cuz it comes off a little rough on the edges but I have to say man with all due respect this is who I am I'm Joe dir okay and I'm fine with it I'm not mean to other people like you are in fact I made some money with this guy Clen and if you need it for that city of Detroit you can have it all to help him I don't care cuz I thought it was about being rich and showing my family I had a lot of money and being famous like lonard Skinner but that don't matter it's about me being me just me and I'm okay with that and they're okay with that well I'll be dipped in [ __ ] holy hell he gets it what what happened you got it Jo D you learned your lesson yeah you're going home Joe you're going home you know uh I was foggle did you know that you was foggle oh wait you're both sort of like homophobic maybe yeah I see it well I was acting I made some interesting choices a little big at first but I thought I reeled him in I had to be convincing those guys would have raped me but [ __ ] that acting [ __ ] this boy going home click those boots together Joe D you know what to say I just say there ain't no place like home no I want to thank you for giving my wings you got your wings I did well I'm going to get them now I supposed to hear a clang you will daddy you are the most handsomest man that I have ever seen dance with your dirt St Life's a garden dig it when are you coming back home way man you like to see homo naked no no no no home where you make it nothing my home Ain't Nothing Like Home Ain't Nothing Like Home Joe wake up Joe Randy he's got a back ho with caterpillar yellow he's a hell of a fell a drinking story teller with a DUI he's illegal to drive but illegally drinks and gets illegally High one night while he's up to the sky he looked at that back ho ask himself why not I'm going to drive that thing it's a loophole man the DUI don't prain I'm on to drive to the bar down on Main Street now he's got a hot little honey hanging out of that c just got the windows Ed and a base tube hitting it creeping past the poo Incognito like Joe Dirt that's how he's living Life's a garden man and he's just [Music] digging he's wearing a cat hat with a meow meow kitty rolls up in the club pimping like ddy with a beard tipping just zipping [Music] on no thank you comic books in mint condition for 10 cents a piece give old your well long story short we stomped those three dudes so hard they got to take their boots off the [Laughter] F anyway this guy mother seriously seriously is it 2015 oh my God I thought I had this turned off this is embarrassing Joe I want to talk to you I like you you're a funny head but I like Fu as a matter of fact if you want to stay awake right now you'll still be on the road in the middle of nowhere you're call Raam no thank you oh man old comic books in mint condition for 10 cents a piece you give old Joe Dirt lemonade he's going to give you [ __ ] you one more and then I got to go to lunch you're twisting stuff like I say something and then you say it back different you're supposed to be a nice Guardian Angel like I don't picture people like you anyway I don't get Warning by but I don't get horny I'm G to get it out I don't get horny from animal sex but I like Jessica Rabbit really she [ __ ] kinding to get a gay vibe from you yeah I heard that can someone open this for me is somebody fart on this what did I do what those two farts for accidents wait no what wait no what what I have a medical condition they did it on purpose fine I don't even work here stuff you actually made up to sound cool because you're on shrooms but actually makes you sound like a [ __ ] so I'm going to say no hey John I'm up here at L SE some [ __ ] went diarrhea all over to the seat copy that when can you start laugh like me okay all right we're good okay cut that's a cut that's a [Music] cut [Music]

Channel: GEM: Film Library

Views: 464,470

Keywords: FullFreeMovies, ComedyMovie, FreeYouTubeMovies, Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser, Comedy, Fred Wolf, David Spade, Brittany Daniel, Christopher Walken

Id: nhi9YGRP0k8

Length: 109min 33sec (6573 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 26 2023