Jim Jefferies -- Atheism and Dead Babies -- Fully Functional

I became an atheist I was 15 years old I remember there was an exact moment I was digging a hole with a stick now if you've just recently become an 8 is try to be cool about it right because especially in this country people use atheism almost like its own religion right because when you become an atheist you're very angry because you've been fed so many lies that you become angry right so try to be what I call a good a theist I used to be a bad a theist right all right like for example I didn't go to a friend's wedding once cuz in a church cuz I wouldn't set foot in a church right and then like I couldn't go to parties cuz I always end up in a corner with a Christian going you're a [ __ ] idiot right and that's no way to live your life you know so you know what you're gonna live and let live in this will have the magic man don't have the magic man I don't give a [ __ ] and since I have this new sunny disposition my life's really turned around I've got more friends I tolerate others I'm now Godfather the three children and that's [ __ ] because these people know me and they still [ __ ] us they still come up and go Jim will you be the child's Godfather and I'm like yes and then I stand there in church with the priest and the parents and the priest is holding the baby in the priest turns to me and goes Jim will you spiritually guide this child throughout its life sure because I have no problems lying in church what difference does it make now there are two reasons why babies are christened right there's the real reason which is the church are trying to recruit people who can't talk then there's the second reason the Bible's reasons God's reason this is why God wants you to christen your job because if you don't christen your child and it dies in infancy it doesn't get into heaven ah so if you are religious your God sounds like a super guy but if he lets one dead baby into heaven then he has to let all the dead babies into heaven and before you know it Heaven's just filled with [ __ ] dead babies won't be hard to move four dead babies well let's not act like these babies didn't know what they did now it's not lost on me then when I tell a joke like that and find its many people then in this room there's a good chance there's a couple who lost their child in infancy and I'm a comedian I'm meant to make you laugh and and I've just reminded you the most horrible thing that ever happened to you and for that I'm sorry but if you weren't smart enough to get a pedophile and a dress to put a small amount of water on the child's forehead what the [ __ ] did you think was going to happen right as far as I'm concerned you're bad parents and that's why God took your child away from you because I think we all know that God makes no mistakes

Channel: Jim Jefferies

Views: 1,376,324

Keywords: Jim Jefferies (TV Program Creator), Atheism (Religion), Baptism (Religious Practice), jim jefferies comedian, fully functional, stand up comedy, Comedy (Film Genre), Jim Jefferies: Fully Functional, funny, EPIX (TV Network), Humor

Id: _GdEKvZ5q4Q

Length: 3min 48sec (228 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 05 2015