Jeff Garcia Don't Know Yet

[Music] the bleep mouth [ __ ] DVD hi [Applause] [Music] [Applause] like how I got misty stops and tied up come on everybody do that so cool ash it is a club nightclub [ __ ] some girl a girl with today [ __ ] yeah Jani you're [ __ ] fine you want dance yeah cue it up your sound back witty please make sure he hears it he's all drunk back there smoking [ __ ] gonna get it [ __ ] away that's my trigger left it there what the [ __ ] wrong with you what's up cholo see buddy oh you're all right dad your dark look ah you have flat calm you have flat dad what happened the titties huh [ __ ] yeah see got some big-ass kitty double D's the damn are you imagine okay Matt chill alright [ __ ] boppo how come it'll shave your head dog get a military in the total cut you didn't get it how [ __ ] you didn't get it you got a turtleneck on this summer with the [ __ ] bro [Applause] we got high that [ __ ] is what's your name bro Carla don't put it down [ __ ] all I did was move Carlos like an uncircumcised dick [ __ ] [Applause] he's not mad mm-hmm yeah pull it down to breathe poke you're gonna pass out I'm sorry that your friend showed off my back Spence are you mad bro I'm just kidding dude it's for TV look what's your name rod get the [ __ ] out of here are you hot rod [Applause] hilarious yo why Kiowa well that's not a white name a real white name is a verb you know saying like chip shut up Bob Neil chase all up Russell skip Dustin [Applause] you come to all of them dude mark Rob we do for a living man computer programmer dad you got to toughen to that [ __ ] dude where's my computer are the keys I'll push the end cuz you're all but [ __ ] I broke it that's [ __ ] laughing at you dawg that [ __ ] right there damn right there are your chato up I suck so you're kicked up a gang listen we'll let you go home what happened you drive bad last week you missed every time and say well [ __ ] can I get a transfer as for you rides a white joke transfer what's your name bro what's your name Randy get the [ __ ] out of here you Mexican it's a white name what the [ __ ] I look at my ski named Jeff they remind bro what you do for a living dog well Tommy [ __ ] the railroad get the [ __ ] out of here what do you do bro you loaded up a well your conductor olive are you serious get the [ __ ] out of here you ever have conductor sex with her lay there naked [ __ ] with Descartes all aboard get on [ __ ] she got offended you wanna stop a drink bro be careful as Mexicans here you can't drop drinks in front of Mexicans don't stab you are you Mexican what are you bro Argentinian [ __ ] will you come from you came far [ __ ] that doggy must've been tired huh [Music] who are you [ __ ] trying to go to Glendale you guys talk Spanish sexual huh oh yeah come on Bob [Applause] Lia partner what the [ __ ] I didn't mean gay with the pod fighting me that [ __ ] [ __ ] does that mean gala you gonna Texas howdy partner [ __ ] you [ __ ] what's your name bro Pablo don't [ __ ] out of here oh yeah Paulo Argentina now this is my partner okay what's your name for you came with them or your your shotgun on a donkey hello what's your name [ __ ] do it take out your ID and read the first line California [Applause] you didn't get it hum [ __ ] you didn't get black shirt right that you didn't get it hot but you didn't get his face laid [ __ ] if you mix go away hello hold on right please have your country ready [ __ ] about the way I am I am on we do for a living Pablo real estate you serious the [ __ ] out of here that's a good job total you have a job what is it good way meat cutter [ __ ] total is that how you practice [ __ ] meat singing right there you gotta [Applause] your homeboys that he would have been dead on who would have been dating roof you did a good job on we still looking at me or I can bottle your crying dude smile now cry later come on dude and he has a shirt on and [ __ ] get it Pablo no I don't know you know just either we don't stop making love that your partner I'm just kidding [ __ ] it still didn't get it all do you like last wait on Islay what's your name bro what Raul you are [ __ ] Mexican on what you don't want never made no heart roll I'm wrong that's what mom says it we do for living down a teacher's assistant what the [ __ ] you do there the [ __ ] sit down stop talking back you're like yeah [ __ ] is that about he won't tell me that no I am Pablo king at the Argentinian name again bro what Martine calm down Marty I am Martine and this is Pablo okay Archie Argentinian superheroes - era don't worry Pablo martini I don't know my mom is we'll find her [Applause] would you care for some meat Joel oh I just got it right now hooker are you that hardcore show Lola you kill the cow - who it well you're looking at [ __ ] away from Gino I don't get along what you know stop right there I am Pablo say sorry to the dead cow I'm just kidding are you mad but gorillas I might afraid of you're not [ __ ] tough eyebrow that [ __ ] I'd run he carries knives legally [ __ ] that [ __ ] they girlfriend the Asian Mexican what the [ __ ] your eyes you hide try again scholarship you didn't get it huh [ __ ] you didn't get it they own cool [ __ ] we can't go to college I've seen them all day not you Asians the real Asians you get a rubber band oh I need scholarship I am Pablo I don't need this are you okay don't get mad dude don't get mad [ __ ] that bro so wait you're getting [ __ ] tough a struggle with a blue drink and [ __ ] hope you pull off stab us [Applause] because me this [ __ ] yo k bro y'all scared cuz your necks on fire okay my name is tues what's your name bro angel get the [ __ ] out of here inhaling inhaling so whatever [ __ ] we different live man in the army you were what happened you get out why you're scared I'll [ __ ] [ __ ] get down we're gonna take them all out we're gonna shoot all of them ha angel angel [Applause] do me a favor right tell all the white soldiers there's a time to run okay cuz the [ __ ] white soldiers don't know that [ __ ] dude they [ __ ] Mexican the black [ __ ] the white soldiers never [ __ ] run dude no matter what but Bob 3001 of me we [ __ ] but Mexican the black I know me too I run like a madman they've never been a Mexican or black peel W ever see one no no I think that one black girl one black of a Carmen really doing the killing [ __ ] happen one black girl gonna be what happened to her she got shot remember with a leg you know apart of leg took a Batgirl a that big hit and those masks you the front of her anybody come back home now [ __ ] ride hey y'all sound [ __ ] what are you doing the army doc a paratrooper what's that mean Oh Jeb down that's you [ __ ] what you didn't see it alright what do you do up there just think well what do you have to take a [ __ ] what are you doing dropping bombs that's cool bro congratulation you go to Iraq Allah yeah I came back right away that's cool man you shoot anybody no you shoot nobody we had a chance to you let him go what politic politics [ __ ] shoot him you know a [ __ ] shuttle waiting on tell him Shauna see an accident sorry sorry let me sorry we did too bro yeah your army too Oh what Air Force [ __ ] [ __ ] huh what do you do bro what'd you do in the military fix the guiding system that's what I [ __ ] thought huh oh my god [ __ ] that we need help we need help wrong okay guys go ahead all set mom you didn't get it huh [ __ ] you didn't get it he likes his mom you don't get her raise your hand I'll stop what's your name Jerri that's not a white name either you have a friend named Tom that'd be cool be chased him around the house all day and [ __ ] you didn't get it hot rod how old do you fall you look old [ __ ] I'm asking calm down another joke what the [ __ ] is bring a cholo get him free night Spence ah how old are you 41 that's not that old you smoke weed [ __ ] yeah that's it like a picture in his basement and [ __ ] there's Vietnam songs on dude what's your name who's your daddy Jerry [ __ ] he's mo chronic he's mo chronic no you know what that [ __ ] is no dogs weed dr. Dre Ricardo tell him better yet cholos tell him something it's a black guy what's up like guy yeah yeah are you mad I don't get mad all right good when you call the police they come look at it [ __ ] yeah you [ __ ] down 9:1 I didn't press the other one yeah you guys suck [ __ ] luckiest [ __ ] dude how come when you get pulled over all you get that's it what do we get get out of the car I'm gonna bike I'm gonna buy [Music] [Applause] I'm gonna fly he's arguing Sarge can we shoot him why guys don't even get care when they get pulled over I don't give a [ __ ] I know another warning [ __ ] ricardo's all drunk and scared that's a hand signal Rob you get it Rob that's right right you didn't get it [ __ ] in his face sorry all right you got a green shirt on what the [ __ ] happened you married away no girlfriend no who's that right now he's serious you're a pimp unless she is and you bought her ticket works both ways I got a cholo relax you're not afraid you in the green shirt is sitting out all the you bro you don't even know [ __ ] you know [ __ ] it on like five six [ __ ] liars are you five - [ __ ] it his ID picture right here I'm just kidding don't get mad all right come up and start not on my knee there you go for really know some chickie run up bone just big tits what size 36 t TT oh why are you a C will you push them [ __ ] all the way up [Applause] he throws push-up bras Oh sock dude it's skin from up here put it all the way up here what's your name Lisa check out the brow one what happen your tits oh right here no are you white Mexican what are you Salvadorian where's that at Central America Thank You captain obvious where the [ __ ] out okay say I'm at like Costa Rica to make a right or a left Oh what go straight [ __ ] you know were you country that what the [ __ ] I know my [ __ ] that myself get it by South when you hear cheek layer there I got the black guy with that one are you crazy dude he said the n-word no we're right here blacks and Mexicans right here so [ __ ] you compliment us we comment you we're like nice rims homes and you're like nice cow sticker [ __ ] does anybody have one I [ __ ] hate that cow sticker dude I swear [ __ ] I hate that [ __ ] you'll see an Asian guy with a panda bear and a side of his [ __ ] you don't see an Iranian with a [ __ ] camel in a little a bit give a shiny ass rooster on the hood I can we start the cars gonna go you okay rod cholo turtle neck tattoo I'm just kiddin [ __ ] don't get mad you're gonna be on TV look and saw your kids cuz he has zoom I'm just kidding loca [ __ ] you're sensitive like a kids no I let my grandma's we all day you didn't get it away are you military too what do you do student how's that pay I don't pay [ __ ] huh what do you do how do you how do you pay for a [ __ ] college your mom you're Mexican now happened hey [ __ ] that you know I'm talking about Mexican parents never pay for college dude never do it I'm asking dad for her dad to help a college we knew right away I'll drop you off upon your way back home who's that what's your name bro what Robert okay sorry bro are you military - no what do you do teacher okay is that your assistant you ever yell at them dude [ __ ] okay today we're gonna with the [ __ ] the choc row momma Chloe back mom nobody needs me I'm assistant so mad guy I'm gonna afraid of you cholo well [ __ ] crazy doll again [ __ ] nuts huh yeah the other day was a target like ever see ever true someone I got it Rob relax with the phone down [ __ ] down hey martini Pablo whatever yours is that your wife right there fiance oh don't [ __ ] up dawg don't do it bro sorry girl I love you don't [ __ ] do that [ __ ] doing it [ __ ] that everything changes bro it's all happy hi hi meet her forever I do I'll come I can't go outside I just want to look at the lawn okay so I'm married guys mother lankan we want to go outside okay I'm outside [ __ ] I don't care it's work but I don't care I'm outside now breathe the air just women I'm married bro a [ __ ] Sox bro [ __ ] saw is that your frame our team will say bye to him say if I write now bye you know he'll do he'll be mad to drop on your house call me call me put up nothing honey nothing nothing honey [ __ ] sucks bro divorce even worse dude divorce sucks bro dude half your [ __ ] gone half gone do you ever eat on the freeway seen a half a house drive by it's divorce [ __ ] some guy woke up I'm gonna go in my kitchen with a [ __ ] my kitchen give any kids no don't do it [ __ ] it feels good [ __ ] and if you have kids you can't have sex dude here's the good bye dude you can't they're little [ __ ] my son's three bro [ __ ] oh my baby wanna [ __ ] Jews Jews I can't [ __ ] my chick I got to drag her in the bath to hurry up [ __ ] hurry up it's like rape bro hurry the [ __ ] up hurry the [ __ ] up put on Nemo put on Nemo's put on Nemo [Applause] the word for a Nemo I wouldn't [ __ ] before that Lion King remember liking that's what I put on before the [ __ ] oh yeah dude I put on Lion King before so on Lion King oh yeah I Murray up the rankings like hurry up for once juice hurry up to the port right here that's something yeah I get horny and [ __ ] I hear like me the middle wha what they saw at first thing I'm a pervert is [ __ ] how come here dick is hard with ranking starts just letting you know bro but I am Pablo Thank You Argentinian Mary for two years yeah I'm [ __ ] Pablo where was Martine don't know my girls that he has to go okay let's see that [ __ ] pissed now whatever [ __ ] wannabe whatever [ __ ] this show my money back I was like what Pablo's money back [Music] what kind of car you got what Oh Durango you want a sports car yeah like a little Porsche some [ __ ] no that cars nice whatever will you put the key that no if you like the Durango [ __ ] keep it no kids you don't want kids maybe see how changes rattle your changes maybe one when that's done okay [ __ ] that never are one you like drinking getting [ __ ] up no hey how you doing whatever couch you are you Mexican oh [ __ ] so you're gonna dad [ __ ] [ __ ] do you eat a white girl you need to get a white girl no offense but no cuz white girls Latinas or the finest [ __ ] women on the planet dude what you hear them they don't shut them [ __ ] up - they don't shut them do my friends marry - watch it that [ __ ] looks fun dude it looks fun bro I'm serious I became away to 2:00 in the morning walk in his house he's out yeah working okay fine Teresa Mexican cheese wicked you can't call them s get you a [ __ ] no [ __ ] way to say do it you can't when you call a mexican chick a [ __ ] you don't just you say [ __ ] you say [ __ ] cuz they [ __ ] stabbed bro why white girl get one of those bro they don't argue dude they don't [ __ ] are you at all dude I came on my friend right like 4:30 in the morning that's a ridiculous late [ __ ] you [ __ ] and there's some woke up they have a little son right little Jacob go to sleep Jacob alright mommy daddy you're talking go to sleep okay we'll talk about tomorrow go to bed okay going to bed trying to get the kid out of the argument Mexican chicks bring the kid in the argument every night well hey wake up wake up wake up my god wake up look at your daddy the common [ __ ] common [ __ ] but I'm an [ __ ] mama ethnic almond [ __ ] ask him where he was he that time [ __ ] mommy look the [ __ ] he was but congratulations dude I love my wife she's [ __ ] fine she's big [ __ ] tits you're [ __ ] huge put your face mu like that and she just layaway okay layaway they're fake [ __ ] yeah I don't give a [ __ ] I'm moving like that again what what the [ __ ] are you talking about room I will calm down [ __ ] what the [ __ ] shut the [ __ ] up nobody left you a big dude you [ __ ] up our oh no shut the [ __ ] up outside is a star in the crowd bring it laughs it was a funny I already said like ten takes money eleven twelve thirteen i'ma [ __ ] a road ah what would my delayed I am Pablo and I am Martine don't get married too late I'm just kidding bro it's good it's good that's all right it's pretty fun dude like having sex right now all your mom's here busting mom's here where's yet hi mom how you doing there [ __ ] sorry like it's a secret shut up Pablo your mom's here your mom [ __ ] - sorry hey get that [ __ ] look at his big smile on his face look at that you don't have that well you're not [ __ ] around you have that [ __ ] when you're getting [ __ ] my mom you get down huh ha she get down to it she give head to yeah there you go [Applause] not my mom she's an angel Oh [Applause] why do you think you're here what somebody guy was jacking off and threw out the window and and your mom was somebody naked I don't know what happened calm down cholo relax you don't have sperms work or what they shoot out bro what all sudden you have no warning or [ __ ] [ __ ] feel it you can feel it bro it oh you know what it's coming [ __ ] I don't play play that role I didn't know you could feel it yeah what you mean it's mine calm down Maury that should happen bro sperms lot of sperms go out sperms just fly out they go they [ __ ] a lot of them 10 million at one time was cool [Music] [Applause] you gotta wonder what sperm is like I have a son what sperm was my kid you know I'm saying I think he's this one you know what you seen the microscope and that one bring the back wing [ __ ] where the [ __ ] am I ooh egg I'm sorry mama you mad or okay she's no I give me a shout-out show you a tape let's get I'm kidding I'm just kidding I'm just I'm joking right now your mom's a very nice lady are you married do you see they're married see is he are you happy married [ __ ] right there yeah she's a knife on his nuts you like Pablo you love Pablo I'll be careful I miss kini [ __ ] he's on Matt Kopp pick your ears are [ __ ] you got some big-ass ears littles ears dude you get that [ __ ] away like a baby [ __ ] I'm a car you [ __ ] car Dish Network it's [ __ ] you ever get crazy during stacks and slapper who's your daddy [ __ ] who's your daddy you didn't get it hon look I you didn't get it on cuz your hide your eyes slanted up come down I'll do it again come down and have former army guy former Pablo at the best Manawa you don't know yet I was [ __ ] I called you [ __ ] calm down choro relax all right because when you're in court your friends on behind you relax [ __ ] instigator huh [ __ ] calm down [ __ ] you like to do in the playground huh he said it right there that guy right there miss kinabalu you mad dude he's all pissed off hi white girls so he's two white girls every show hi whatever [ __ ] love white girls you're crazy [ __ ] nuts dude [ __ ] you a car my dad [ __ ] you economy died whatever stupid begging a white girl to have no comeback who you want your [ __ ] all pale and [ __ ] you [ __ ] nipples raw pink with the fuzz whatever hi Mexicans I like Puerto Rican chicks Mexican chicks Cuban chicks I like Latin chicks they're [ __ ] fine dude yeah you know I can't stand putting club chicks I can't stand a club chick a chick goes to a club every [ __ ] night [ __ ] that [ __ ] than we do they always have like high heels all high and [ __ ] and they can barely walk sorry three of them with no jacking off freezing outside and [ __ ] no money just their ID when always falls down up side truck get up not party without me save yourself [ __ ] get up and we'll get it people to attend 30 you know what I know I hate to the [ __ ] like the the three fat girls they had the fine girl decoy you know say my guy sure that's what happens is wet and it's one fine girl holiday going on okay guys you woke up Amy what's up girl what's your name [ __ ] the [ __ ] thoughtful thoughtful taco look at through it there [ __ ] yeah I got got me one time you [ __ ] sit there with a fine chicks you want to [ __ ] you but you add a bite then either bread [ __ ] a big [ __ ] I don't know what I did you pulled that menu out of your purse [Applause] so [ __ ] you can go on Danny's menu Jeopardy and win that [ __ ] you didn't get it [ __ ] or cholas mess up you okay darlin [ __ ] dying over here dude it's not that funny bro hey your wheats good huh hey give me some more I'll tell okay we had ah the chronic is that chronic what's that mean that chronic like there's a lot of chronic but I got that chronic the way purple cush [ __ ] don't you don't [ __ ] around huh I smell some [ __ ] out there with you you know cuz you know you'll probably wanna hang out mean I just want free weed [ __ ] yeah you're on TV get them again all right zoom in zoom it under that you got him bro okay cuz when you get arrested don't blame me all right if y'all pissed off on cops and [ __ ] don't go Jeff Garcia show a home and [ __ ] to sting once out why I was getting cholo what's your name what's your name well when intro what the [ __ ] that mean Oh introducing with the [ __ ] way I used to rap what happened you fell off a gorilla you see intro that's funny total name yeah I'm intro I have a knife but I'm gonna do nothing come home we're finish [Applause] well you got stabbed huh I'm gonna free do you [ __ ] whoa [ __ ] crazy what if whack him run free to you hey Pablo I'm afraid my mother-in-law's right there I can't hurt you folks I was kid yes your mom sorry my mom never [ __ ] ever no she's the angel dude she's a saint I was artificially inseminated my mom Fox my dad's there you know I met that [ __ ] at Woodstock dancing naked on the rock much time do I have my cool look I know you think I'm cool but the white girls whatever I paid I'm sorry my dad paid I am Pablo I am more teen and together were the Wonder Twins we are sexy I y'all [ __ ] for no [ __ ] reason whatsoever and it ain't funny you mean he I'll [ __ ] out or you have Tourette's can I see y'all [ __ ] okay bro away calm down dude is your girl right here how long thirteen years married yeah how long very well [ __ ] liar you make you know what Mexicans never get married like white guys dude look at the white girls that's not right whatever white girls get mine I didn't say hello I brought you into the oak tree want to spend the rest of my life it's you Mexicans are like oh how far along are you all right we're doing starting my mama gonna call your mom to see okay I'm sorry are you mad ears you Madeline I know you heard everything he made this mess you swap flies with only ears dude [Music] [Applause] you got that [ __ ] dude right there you got him over I'm gonna call you Shrek yeah it's my layers ochres have layers that's my dad don't we buy this cool I gotta get out here any questions no questions Jimmy Neutron what the [ __ ] we ate what do you mean don't go I'm off work what the [ __ ] DVDs done overtime [ __ ] that [ __ ] oh he's paying me like working at digging ditches in the bell ring I could dig a few more yeah but I would do [ __ ] they'll catch all over what's that what is it it's a ring for what you propose all right [ __ ] time they write down DVD come on up come on up bro put your ass up here [Applause] hold on hey you tell her in your ear what you want to say I'm gonna [ __ ] do my own proposal right yeah you know we've been together since our kid was born in [ __ ] Iran I want time I got shot and you picked me up I thought I was down and so I think that we should like you know move it together at your mom's pad [ __ ] love you [Music] she does give it up back kick [Applause] congratulations bro I'll take you off the stage until it's all alright it's picking up alright hey this DVD is dedicated to my wife who I love very much thank you putting up all my [ __ ] thank you very much I'm Jeff Barsky good night [Music] you [Music]

Channel: JG's Comedy Underground

Views: 245,209

Keywords: JG's Comedy Underground, JeffGarcia, Jeffgarciacomedy, comedianjeffgarcia, funny, payaso, comedy, hilarious, garcia, Underground

Id: qbNMTnx5lCM

Length: 51min 8sec (3068 seconds)

Published: Fri May 08 2020