I've Eaten Only Mac & Cheese for the Past 17 Years, Here's Why

like walking into here there's nothing in here that's like oh yeah I might want to try that I've tried celery I threw that up instantly I don't want to say I'm addicted to mac and cheese but because it sounds so weird but like my body won't let me eat anything else I didn't choose to be like this why do they have so many broccolis you know do you eat the bush I never would have chosen to be like this looking at that there's like Gore I'd rather have random chemicals than knowing that like I got to drain the blood out of my meat oh I'm actually like serious like like this is a problem it's weird for me to think of eating any food that's not yellow my name is Austin and for the past 17 years I've eaten almost nothing but mac and cheese [Music] this is my go-to pan and I don't really like to deviate there's another pan that my grandma sometimes uses but like if a different pan gets used like I can tell I try to keep everything super specific that way stuff just stays the same I'm 20 years old and I live in Keystone Heights Florida it's a backwater for sure everyone was kind of the same and if you were any different than the norm it was super weird like I've seen it's kind of crazy all stacked up like that kind of puts into perspective just a week supply of mac and cheese at all times I don't think I've ever really met anyone who said how I don't like mac and cheese I love this cheese because some good-ass cheese this is what normal cheese looks like to me you know there was some cheese sauce should look like not a heathen so I don't eat with this like a wooden spoon I eat with some silverware I'll just take a seat at my desk and normally I'll just watch some YouTube will eat most of my diet like nine times out of ten in the gaming night is gonna be Velveeta shells I'll eat deluxe for cheese and normal craft Annie's and Bob Evans Bob Evans is pretty good for like I'm microwaved mac and cheese I think most people see Mac and cheeses that comfort food I mean you can't deny how good mac and cheese tastes man like it's definitely still like a comfort food for me it's cuz it does taste good I'm like a walking advertisement for a bubble you know Internet but it's definitely a problem I'm sick of it but in the same way like I don't want anything else you know when I try to eat new foods the first thing that happens is like blinders on the food gets to the point where it's like somehow in my hand I'm about to eat it like that as soon as I enters my mouth it's just like a sensory overload of all the things this is the texture this is the consistency this is how it feels in your mouth Oh Oh God there's the taste and there's a bunch of new flavors that you've never experienced before even if I like what I'm trying I'll still have like this just kind of involuntary gag if I don't like it sometimes I'm actually just straight-up thrown out like on the spot I've never bought anything other than mac and cheese for myself whenever I go shopping this is all that I'll eat of velveeta like I don't like any of these other things so Vitas always just been the most consistent it always tastes pretty much exactly the same I didn't even know they got many ones but I don't even want to try the mini ones just cuz they'd be different you know like two different oh the bacon one grosses me out I can't stand the thought of mixing that with mac and cheese white bean I don't know what that is anything that adds to mac and cheese like don't it's mac and cheese not mac and cheese and white bean like in this it's an abomination you're going into some some vomiting territory I hate peppers this makes my stomach queasy just like looking at it the texture of pasta and it was like my favorite because it's like not mushy until you chew it I know it's so bad for you when I read the ingredients I don't know what enriched macaroni product means like like a bunch of stuff that I'm familiar with but then a bunch of other stuff that sounds like it could be used to make like a chemical weapon I could get some four cheese but like nah nah there's definitely a lot of things I'm missing out on because of not eating that thing whatever that is like the color throws me off of that like the color makes me upset I have any one worked up the courage just because like bitter things is such a strong reaction meat is like the worst one to me that was like a chunk of meat from an animal that had like muscle and fiber and like veins in it oh my god uh it's kind of like a comfort zone in the hellscape that is the raw meat vegetables I know that I need to eat do you just eat an eggplant like just take a bite out of it or like what do you use a knife plant for it when I'm over there at the mac and cheese out I know that there's something that I can walk up to and yep pick it up put it in my cart like this my girl I'd rather just stick with my my ride-or-die you know what brings you to counselling at this time I have been doing or ears with being and extremely picky eater please dr. Dean my social life and I soon fear it will begin to my physical health this is my contact information for the therapist that I found I even find out that selective Indian disorder was an actual diagnosable disorder until I was out of high school I was laying in bed and I was just scrolling through YouTube it's like seven people who eat only one thing or something like that it was by good mythical morning good mythical morning what if you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life that is the question of the day thought about that a lot at the very beginning he starts specifying egos so this is an actual disorder it's called selective eating disorder it's where these people have an avoidance to new foods and they just latch on to one food and I was like oh my god I'm not crazy like it has a name this thing that's been hanging over my head so that means that I have a point to attack it from have you seen him Intel professional before yes I have I was recommended to go to a mental health professional by DCF where I was diagnosed with PTSD from an abusive household my parents did the best they could with what they had my dad was really awesome sometimes and sometimes he was not so awesome you know like there's a lot of conflicts it would get physical between me and my dad and where I actually got removed from the home that day was I was asked to take the trash out and so like I took the trash out and there was like a stack of papers right after the trash and so my dad comes out and he starts yelling at me for taking his lid I guess it was like payroll papers or something something really important like that he comes up and he tried to take my my skateboard for me because of course I skateboard and he walked back in he was like I just snapped up I just amped that board I just your board over my knee and like that was the first thing that I'd ever bought like on my own like with my own money and so like I just turned and I kicked at the wall my foot went through the wall my dad charged at me knocked me down and pummeled me while I was on the ground and he slammed my head into a coffee table I was all bloody and I passed out on on my neighbor that was when DCF came in and started like an investigation it was definitely during that time were like I was like just super super sad that's where I get the idea from like ie mac-and-cheese because like in that time it was the only thing that like if I asked for like on a bad day wouldn't cause conflict I had to learn how to make it myself it was always like well I know that I'm gonna have mac and cheese like I can control that he never could say why he didn't want to eat anything else we've never forced him I never tried to force him that's real hard for me because I'm from old school I was brought up to someone fixed my plates you eat everything without it and you stayed there till you did eat everything that was on it I love my grandparents they're very accepted they never make me feel ashamed about it it's never like you need to change you have something wrong it's always like we're just worried that you're unhealthy I think you'll always be with me yeah and I don't care hey he wants to stay here until he's thirty it's okay with me maybe not so much grandpa but he's a good boy Jerris like my brother essentially he's like my best friend above all I can probably count on two fingers the amount of time that I've brought up like my eating which eret I think he had told me about it before the okie eight was mac and cheese and it seemed kind of weird at first but I don't really judge people I don't know cuz it's like if you want help I'm not against helping you but it you know it's kind of one of those things like you can't help someone that doesn't want help yeah and it seems like you get a lot of opportunities to try all their foods and you showed no interest in it so again I'm not going to push the issue because I know I can't change your mind true I definitely used to be embarrassed like oh man I'm just weird there was a time where like I just felt excluded I barely ever even really go out to eat with my friend because I don't just be sitting at the table with my plate of mac and cheese as opposed to everyone's full plate a lot of people struggle to understand so like a lot of people that I choose to tell about it don't ask you know because they they know that I'm actually like serious like like this is a problem you know heading to ground zero boxing it became like a thing where like I just wanted to prove to myself having the background of like my trauma as a kid and having PTSD and not being able to be around any kind of like physical conflict to like going and being in a ring or so on and just like straight beating the out of each other it felt like I was like I was making myself feel worthy I started boxing three years ago whenever I went for the first couple of times like I just loved the working out and then I loved feel like I was like a part of something my coach's name is Giovanni he's just the best dudes like a dad to me I exercise four times a week really heavily at the gym I got up to like a really unhealthy weight because I stopped going to boxing so I could tie I'm at the age now where I know that my metabolism has slowed down I definitely know that I have to maintain physical activity to keep myself it is to counteract my terrible awful carb filled diet I went to the doctor for a physical five weeks ago now it's a new doctor so I told him not only eating mac and cheese for like 17 years and he was like when you're older it's gonna be a problem music but for right now I have no worries part of me kind of wishes he would have said something more scary than you're fine I feel like I need someone to tell me like you don't change like you're gonna fuel the consequences you know he told me at a mac and cheese diet and I was like what as I well you know you're boxing but you're gonna have to start eating right if you want to go ahead and get in better shape come on show me your winner let's go when it comes to mental health issues if you can't talk about what's going on then you can't get the help you need I feel like a lot of men think that's a weakness when it's not you know there's a problem the weakness is ignoring it let's go let's go finish strong pretty strong that's all you got now bad kid not bad so grandpa and grandma send my love okay of course more than anything I want to be like my best me and I'm taking steps to get there tomorrow I'm meeting a new therapist named Ashley I hope it's gonna give me the ability to be at a neutral unbiased stance whenever I try new foods it's like the stepping stone to being able to do the things that I want to do easier it's been about two years since I've been to a therapist office she had never dealt with anyone who had sed her solution was to just just go home and like soak some broccoli and cheese and just try it if only it was that easy whenever I left there to try and find another therapists office it was very very difficult and has proved to be very difficult to find any reasonable therapist who takes my insurance insurance companies seem to think that mental health is like a luxury you know nice to meet you we're gonna take a seat tell me more about your story for so long like it was just a shadow that just like loomed over me as soon as I knew that it had a name like it gave me like a hope wait what is a normal day like running eating for you I'll have like a box of Velveeta shells mac and cheese that's typically just what I eat through the day like that's it pretty specifically that brand a single kind right I'm just alone in my room eating it and if you went back to that planning piece what do you see in that dinner has always been water pan pot you know like on the stove eight minutes and then like you're done that means we want to look at what meals have been like throughout life I never remember ever eating family dinners like at the table and I would always eat mac and cheese all the adults said it was just like oh it's just an it was picky eater phase yeah anytime I try something new even if I like the first bite of it I almost will always have an involuntary just a gag what's the experience that goes with that gagging what have you noticed oh it's embarrassing I think it's super embarrassing I think through the lens of trauma a lot mm-hmm so have you experienced physical abuse yes and so if you think a fight flight or freeze yeah I was a freezer can you relate those feelings now to what it's like approaching foods if I sit down and like I'm in a room with the intention of trying a new food then my stress like immediately skyrockets like and it like stays up until like the penultimate moment hits we're like I try it and then like I have that guy reflux I'm like all right out of the way I didn't like it and then like it's it's done and then like it goes down or like I get out of the room and then it goes down you basically draw the stress curve of your hand whenever you're done yeah what's happening that's part of what my job is to teach people yeah to understand what's happening and that it will have a beginning and end it's going to come up yeah and it's gonna go down like a wave right but we often feel it rising and think that it's gonna continue to just go up yet what we want to do as we're approaching foods as know what might happen okay and regardless we're going to be working on building skills to keep you grounded in your body you know we'll be looking at a hierarchy of foods that you'll establish right and so it's exposure and then it starts to extinguish some of the fear we build a new pathway and that pathway it looks like I actually can feel this feeling and go forward right and with I just hope like I can get to a place where like I'm equipped to deal with like what I'm feeling when I try new foods that way I can try new foods out like a neutral unbiased look you know like instead of just having the massive anxiety associated with it you know it's completely separated from from like who I Who I am you know it's like a relic of whenever I was in like a worse mental place and like it's just kind of stuck with me you know like that is a really great way to conceptualize it yeah it's a part of you you don't need anymore yeah but that is so deeply ingrained that it's still there yeah you have a lot of insight you're pretty motivated to do it yeah oh yeah for sure so I can like slowly open up like what restaurants I go to and stuff you won't be able to go to more restaurants more restaurants just be more social with with with eating and stuff you know what we'll do from here is just look at frequency and when you can come in next so that it can make the most of your time in your commute I'm super excited all right Austin thank you so much for coming in yes I'm so excited to work with you safe travels back thank you very much you have a good day it was wonderful meeting Austin he has so much insight and such an openness to developing a better understanding and he's truly motivated to do this work even though he knows it's gonna be really uncomfortable for him I think we went better than expected actually she's definitely really cool definitely gives me hope especially since she's so confident and how much I'll succeed like makes me it makes me feel really good makes me feel really confident mac and cheese for money is a comfort food for Austin well it has had that effect it's not about that anymore he would like to be able to eat other foods to have variety and to eat vegetables nobody feels crippled and paralyzed by the idea of doing so and so he falls back on mac and cheese because it's what his brain and body will allow it's where he can have some peace and so you're having to work against your body to get yourself to sit with food in your mouth the perceived threat is so much more than the actual experience but you can't convince your body of that without doing a lot of work to chip away at it I'm not ashamed of Who I am I wouldn't want my kids to see me just eating mac and cheese all the time well while my kids eat a more balanced meal than me oh my god I found out about selective eater sorter just by pure luck it was just like an aimless thing that just hung over me and like I just thought like that was just one of my idiosyncrasies it's like one of my little quirks I definitely didn't choose to be like this at all this selective eating disorders has its hooks in me and it's just like holding me back it's exciting thinking like I could get to a point where like I'm able to try new foods and possibly you know like them and enjoy them [Music] hey I should have been talking about something dramatic

Channel: VICE

Views: 9,230,679

Rating: 4.7845407 out of 5

Keywords: documentary, documentaries, docs, interview, culture, lifestyle, world, exclusive, independent, underground, videos, journalism, vice guide, vice.com, vice, vice magazine, vice mag, vice videos, film, short films, movies, Cheese, mental health, Mac and Cheese, mac n cheese, arfid, eating disorder, mac & cheese, velveeta, macaroni, addicted to weird foods, strange addictions, austin davis

Id: v1TWvXwgKr0

Length: 18min 3sec (1083 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 13 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/thepurplepajamas]

I went into this ready to shit on him, but the guy actually seems alright. He is aware that it is a problem and is actively seeking help, but has so far not been able to overcome his mental trauma and ptsd from childhood abuse. This is a disorder and he knows it and is trying his best to slowly overcome it. Good luck to him.

[u/dumb17ch]

this was the first time id heard the phrase "fight flight or freeze" in response to fear

also he has so many supportive wholesome relationships in his life im hopeful for this kid

[u/ICantExplainMyself]

I know a kid who wont eat anything other than cold hotdogs right from the pack or ramen noodle bricks. I'm not even kidding, cold hotdogs and dry ramen bricks. He's the stepkid of a family friend and the boyfriend is sketchy at best. You can lay out a big ol' spread of fresh cooked food and he can't be satisfied by anything other than cold dogs and ramen. Weird.

[u/Hegemonee]

He's quite a natural on camera, but also being on camera during a therapist appointment. Kudos to him.

[u/EchoTab]

He's gotta take some supplements right? If not wouldnt he have several deficiency diseases?

I saw he commented on the video:

This video turned out amazing guys! I really appreciate all you guys did for me. Lots of people in the comments confused or concerned. I appreciate all of the positive comments and all the negative ones are just too funny.

For anyone interested, since this video was filmed I've lost a ton of weight, down to about 188 now (I was 245 when this was filmed) nothing but pasta makes it difficult but I'm getting there! Working with Ashley has been amazing. Keep making great stuff guys!

[u/itsamatteroftime]

Literal mealtime video.

[u/Implausibilibuddy]

How long before that Asian doctor shows up with the "Man Eats Only Mac & Cheese for the Past 17 Years, Here's What Happened to His Eyeholes" video?

[u/Maka_Oceania]

I know a couple ppl with this disorder it seems to always stem from abusive experiences during childhood

[u/CandidIndication]

... drain... the blood... out of my meat.... Jesus Christ.

I bet this guys parents were like drug addicts or clinically depressed and all he was capable at the time to make for himself was Mac n cheese. Talk about comfort food

Edit; watched longer than I expected too- parents were indeed, dicks