IELTS writing task 2: Advantages and disadvantages | complete essay

do you wanna drink apple juice yes I want to drink apple juice why justification is not that how traveling the world gives people the immense pleasure you write that examiner's mind will be thinking why how I don't know about it could you please make me understand but this writer says no I don't have time I'll write only one line you not get marks for it this coherence cohesion cohesion is completely zero for the second line or whatever can lines the person has written so Michael even if I don't have a good English when a lot of people don't have totally fine can I get 7 plus certainly is my see at the end of the day it all boils down to the simplicity vocabulary is a part of it correct vocabulary is a part of it out of 9 you make it 6 or 7 but in the other ones you can get 8 point 5 to 9 and still I get a bizarre result it should I just shoot one advantage another advantage another advantage if I advantageous I tried how many marks I can you don't get any marks for that see it's English they're not testing your general knowledge always understand the fact behind it they're testing how well can you make the reader experience your English how well can you connect the read of it correct so here again you need a structure the structure is nothing but one main idea one supporting idea one example one conclusion hi everyone luckily our from skill science I really hope you guys are doing well today I'm gonna talk about the advantages and disadvantages si the cool last time I wrote only one disadvantage and one advantage and that is the reason I caught less bands but the next attempt I wrote three advantages and I got more is that true so today I'm going to explain you each and everything the structure evolution criteria everything in detail it can be little lengthy you just need to have patience and watch it till and also the last video was on agree disagree say if you have missed it kindly first finish that video because I have explained a lot of things especially the grammar related things what exactly a coherent says which I may not be explaining in detail in this video because I've already done that so if you haven't watched that video kindly go and watch that first agreed it's almost you know like one RSA a video and once you finish that you can come back to this call so in the previous agree disagree video a lot of people commented asking me to make a video on idea generation and suddenly is in this I'm gonna in detail explain how to generate the idea and also a lot of people ask me you know they even sent me a mail asking me to make a video on the mistakes of their say so today I'm going to deal with that as well I'm going to take an essay with a lot of mistakes but looks all perfectly fine looks like a nine band but doesn't even do more than five point five and then I'm going to explain you what are the mistakes in that essay and then how to overcome that each and everything but with respect to advantages and disadvantages essay and if you haven't subscribed the channel at a request you kindly do subscribe in order not to miss any of the live updates but also we can take the online classes so if you're interested in the online course you can always check the information in the description have shade the gmail ID you can send us a mail and avail services so with all this we'll start with this advantage disadvantages I'm gonna show you the question now so let's quickly start with it well this is the essay we're gonna talk about today in some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this before I explain you further the major problem for a lot of people is not actually English you know we all have studied or like majority of us have studied in English medium but still we don't age past seven or seven point five in I answer say why one of the plausible reason is the task response that means you are writing an essay according to you you are writing it perfectly to the topic but for an examiner you have written for some other topic so that's exactly what I'm gonna go start with today I'm gonna show you an introduction which looks more perfectly fine but doesn't even score any mark before we proceed further how well you're evaluated is with respect to four components in IELTS essay or light writing or the describe image for the IELTS academic the task response it only talks about whether you have and I say to the topic or you have written a message for some other topic coherence cohesion is a very big chapter in my previous video have attempted to explain it in detail I'll again explain in this video as well it's a flow of the ideas how will you articulate it a single thought it's not about you know writing more than 400 words and then essay it's about how will you have articulated the thoughts I'm going to explain that in detail in just a while and then lexical resource is all about vocabulary it's not just about using highfive vocabulary it's about using the apt vocabulary then grammar is ocean we will deal with that and before that structure gonna be this it will be a four paragraphs as say the first is an introduction when you tell the examiner as to what you are going to write about in the advantage disadvantage you will tell the instructor or the examiner that you are gonna write the advantage as well as the disadvantage of this essay and then comes the advantage in the body 1 you can write only the advantages and then in the body too you're gonna write only the disadvantages and then you're gonna conclude whatever you have written you're not gonna do anything else you're gonna just conclude whatever you have written in the body 1 and the body 2 so this is the question I just showed you can just pause the video and read it to understand more about it in some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing school and starting university studies discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this so let's have a look at this particular essay in today's era most students like to travel and traveling is one of the beautiful experiences additionally some students like to work while they're studying which has both advantages and disadvantages in this essay I will decipher both the viewpoints further well this could be one of your essays or one of your friends SH which looks perfectly fine but it will not score good I mean of course I cannot just say just from the introduction but the point whatever I'm trying to tell you is the introduction is wrong the introduction is not written for the topically when it's written for some other topic Michael how do I know I'm gonna help you understand let's do this now so a lot of people go wrong in the introduction due to their exes imagination what have the imagining about if you see here in some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing the high school and starting the university studies let's say high school in some countries is like 10 standard once they finish 10 standard and before they you know go on to choose their masters or the you know make the degrees between that duration they are encouraged to work that is the question and if you look at the answer that in today's there are motions like to travel no more students don't like to travel that is not given there at all it's your assumption and traveling is all of the beautiful experiences where it is written by you are you assuming a lot of things is the essay is all about travelling not at all then why are you telling the examiner that you have not understood the question at all and then you expect more scores not possible at all so this will not work this particular introduction is a rock so how well to do that I have a simple formula which I'm going to explain you in just a while so that's in control is this no excessive imagination just you know write preferably two to three sentences don't have to write a lot three sentences if possible introduction first line restate what is provided second line paraphrase restate what is provided third line state your view if asked very simple but knuckle I did not understand it let's say the introduction the first line we talked about in some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and studying University you can just add few may know things at the beginning in today's world in today's era young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting universities well this is my first life you may argue that a lot of words repeated we're gonna tackle each and everything in just a while this is just to help you understand where you may go wrong if you follow this particular rule you will never go wrong in your task for sports that's exactly my point is so that's the first line the second line paraphrase is not given in the question itself it says discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this this vital decision has both advantages and disadvantages linked with it in this essay decipher both of you points further precisely find the sa looks all fine but there are a lot of mistakes but let's evaluate them with respect to four components which is task response coherence cohesion and lexical resource and grammar independently so let's start with task response well task response is precise because I've not done anything else whatever the question I exactly did to copy/paste it so there is no way I can say task response is wrong for this hope you are getting it task response is perfect with whatever the introduction I have written well this is the introduction in today's era young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies this whiteant decision has both advantages and disadvantages I am exactly talking to the topic task responses perfect have not used excessive imagination anywhere alright so what about the lexical resource is completely messed up so let's do that every word is repeated in every every world by what is repeated so let's fix it pretty simple every word we will paraphrase this is the art of paraphrasing in today's era young people becomes more students encouraged to work becomes motivated see here encouraged to work you can write in any way possible but don't write the same word if possible becomes motivated to work to get hands-on experience to travel to explore the world between this time so in the intermittent period between finishing high school between schooling and starting university studies and commencing their higher education it all means the same so you can't simply assume that you are paraphrasing by just using the words deep down the context could be different so that's exactly what I'm telling you follow the protocol which says just copy paste and then change it so introduction is very simple within one minute or max two minutes you will finish completely writing it and then the next big headache is the body one and the body to where your actual writing skill is determined so this line looks perfectly fine young people became most students are motivated to gain hands-on experience or explore the world in the intermittent period between schooling and commencing their higher education and I don't think there is more required to change for the rest of the limes this vital decision has both advantages and disadvantages linked with it in this essay I will decipher both of your points further all right so so far we finished the lexical resource and the task responds precisely we have not done anything extra we just for the same words beta sin on him now we were talk about Correns coercion you may not understand if I teach coherence coercion here because lack of the sentences lack of words so we're going to deal more about it in the coming paragraph but still I'll explain you further cohesion is the connection between the ideas how will you articulate it let's say you you told about one thing have you just told about one thing in one sentence or have you particulated more about it it's like a movie in a movie the screenplay correct it's it's about how you narrate the movie or you know consider a old granny narrating a story to work it the kid it's difficult for a old granny to make the kid sleep unless she narrates the story in a better way isn't it the same way here you bring one thing and then you articulate on top of it articulate that's a cohesion isn't you know the connection between the ideas the flow of the ideas but what about the coherence coherence is like a Google map man very simple you ask for direction Google Maps says go straight right left no it says first go straight and then take the immediate left no set of words which help the examiner or the reader experience reading in a better way correct you you give the reader an experience of reading your essay in a much better way that's the coherence it is required that is a signpost so that helps you or the you know the examiner to understand things in a much effective manner so look at this example here this vital decision what were tell decision this is nothing but whatever has been explained your entire thing has been replaced by this this is one of the coherence you can say it also applicable to cohesion because the same thing you are connecting again and there is nothing but students so few kisses pronounced act as Correns cohesion here but actual cohesion is actually different we're going to talk about it more in the in paragraphs alright and grammar is ocean here I'm not dealing much with it well the body one and the body too in detail we will talk about this well introduction is very simple we have done it in today's data most students are motivated to the enhance on experience or explore the world in the intermittent period between schooling and commencing their higher education this Whiterun decision has both advantages and disadvantages linked with it in this essay and decipher both of you points further precisely for an excellent I don't have any shows with it so we will go to body one body two and the rest of the things so this is the structure so this is in fact of cohesion what structure should I follow one is introduction of para and then you go to the body one correct wherein you talk only about the advantages and then you go to body 2 wherein you talk about disadvantages and then you conclude it this is a cohesion but inside the body 1 again the coercion rola place isn't it and that is nothing but how you write the advantages now should I just shoot one advantage another advantage another advantage fie advantageous I tried how many marks I can't you don't get any marks for that see it's English they're not testing your general knowledge always understand the fact behind it they're testing how well can you make the reader experience your English how well can you connect the reader with correct so here again you need a structure the structure is nothing but one main idea one supporting idea one example one conclusion this thing this entire thing is one advantage so what I'm telling you whenever you write an advantage don't just write one line one advantage one more advantage one more you'll not get any marks for that so whatever you write you have to justify it brink one advantage built on top of it I want to drink apple juice like we go to the market to get the Apple and once I get that happened like we cut that up and chop them into pieces and then put them into a grinder and then run the grinder to drink the happen juice then I mix the milk sugar and then I drink apple entire thing is talking about Apple alone no no could I like mango ass as well in between can I talk about mango in between no if you want to talk about mango put it in the next directive hope you're getting it that's exactly what I am talking about you bring one don't just talk that the right more about it so accordingly we have one main idea which is we write one advantage and then we don't go to the immediate second advantage we paraphrase it and then we continue talking about it and then we conclude it so let's understand what makes text people do and then I'm going to show you how to generate the ideas how to make the ideas connect each other and write well this is one of the essays written by my student well they say looks all fine the student really thought that the person would get nine from us for the feedback but what we gave us disasterous let's understand firstly pushing gangsters to work or travel has myriad advantages associated with it excellently fine no issues at all the first line is totally fine to work or travel as that's what they've asked totally fine but if you see here what exactly is missing pushing gangsters to work on travel is not I say pushing gangsters to work or travel in those intermittent period between finishing the high school and before commencing the higher studies that is missing that means this first line is not talking about the topic very very important very important in fact to begin with when the youth start their work life comma the gain substantial knowledge and it is a valuable asset for them in their future job search are they talking about youths working life I really don't think so so this is again not talking about the topic the topic is before commencing and you know after your highest occasion before commencing university studies for instance the gain real time work life experience skills of dealing with different people at work and quintessential there's a lot of new words excellent words the person's English is good but the person will never get more than 6.5 or could be sick sometimes could be a 6.5 but never will reach seven because the person has not understood the question at all her representation or his representation has some problem so the cool even if I don't have a good English when a lot of people don't have totally fine can I get 7 plus certainly is my C at the end of the day it all boils down to the simplicity vocabulary is out of it correct vocabulary is a part of it out of nine you make it six or seven but in the other ones you can get eight point five to nine and still I get a bus of resulted this person has to need good but this entire thing is not talking about the topic at all nowhere she has mentioned about after finishing the high school and before commencing the university studies it's only talking about youth starting their work life all right she talked about the work life working advantages and one more thing is they're traveling the two things if you properly see in the question see you're in some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year work or travel there are two things and you need to write separate advantages when they what going to happen in the work and what's going to happen when they travel to separate advantages are required correct only just writing about work advantages and you know completely over looking at travel advantages will get the task response to five out of nine so the next paragraph the person wrote on the other hand traveling the world gives people immense experience by meeting new people and understanding Deaf culture this exactly looks like what is the advantage of traveling well traveling around the world gives us immense pleasure we get to meet people for that they say this is the question isn't it yes or no but the person thing saying I tried my best and the person has worked more than like 200 essays got the reviews from a lot of people did a lot of practice but poor understanding of the question representation is the poor so at the end of the day what I'm telling you practicing with not actually give you this course it only gives you mental satisfaction understanding your problem know what to practice and then start practicing that alone will serve the purpose so this particular essay will no they give you five out of nine for your task response though the essay looks all good and this is the very problem so that's about task response let's also talk about the coherence cohesion so if you see here cordons cohesion is all about how well the ideas are linked when the youth start their work life the gain substantial knowledge and it is a valuable asset for them in their future job search for instance yes she has told something it's a substantial and it is a valuable asset and the person is continuing talking about it the gained real teamwork life experience skill dealing with different people at work and applying the knowledge they learned into action excellent this part is totally fine but task response is wrong ideally she should not be getting good score for this but this particular thing is okay with respect to core ends coercion but let's check the other one on the other hand traveling the world gives people immense experience by meeting new people and understanding their culture do you own a drink apple juice yes I want to drink apple juice why justification is not there how travelling the world gives people the immense pleasure you write that examiner's mind will be thinking why how I don't know about it could you please make me understand but this writer says no I don't have time I'll write only one line you not get marks for it this coherence cohesion cohesion is completely zero for the second line or whatever can lines the person has written only half of the cohesion is correct the rest of the part is not correct it's totally incorrect the person ends up getting only 5 out of another problem if you carefully identify there are a lot of they they see here when the youth start their work life stadium substantial knowledge it is a variable asset for them in their future they gain real-time work life experience they learned into action a lot of there yes knuckle that's correct I saw a video there are some where a person touring you won't have to write them now and again you replace it with their you get more marks doesn't mean that you use most often times the word day isn't it so this has a flow and I'll explain you how to fix it before I take you to the actual idea generation topic well it's actually very simple pay more attention to whatever am explaining right now to begin with when the youths start their work life the gain substantial knowledge and it's a valuable asset for them in the future it's the entire thing is concentrated on youth youth did this you did this also they did this they did this in the formal writing you don't talk about the noun too much rather you give importance to the object for example I eat pizza every weekend it's personalization aye-aye-aye but the object is eating the pizza and give preference to eating and remove the whole die so that becomes I love eating pizza every week and eating pizza is a weekly habit there is no I in that the same way we have to do and this concept is called a nominalization I have already explained this in my other Grammer video the link is given in the description kindly go and check that you will have men's knowledge and also you could relate while your baths were always stuck at 6 or 6.5 and never crossed 7 so in this example ROM killed Robin rom is the subject Robin is the object so here the preference is given to Robin though the word rom is there the preference is completely given to Robin and not the ROM in the worst case you can just remove this that means it doesn't matter who was the killer it only mattered who was killed Robin was killed I removed it the same way here if you talk about they gained substantial knowledge substantial knowledge is the important thing here the who who gained is obvious it's the youth only you don't have to mention it again isn't it correct so how do you want to change that that subject that object you're going to make it a subject that means very simple to begin with when the youth start their work life substantial knowledge is gained which is a valuable asset and it is a valuable asset for them in their future you don't have to worry about all those things sometimes not writing a lot of this will actually get your most coal which is a valuable asset for the future job search for though I don't have to use there again and again them again and again it just annoys I mean whoever the reader is we will continue about it the next line is for instance they gain real-time work life experience skills of dealing with different people at work and quintessentially applying the knowledge they learned into action they gain this they will apply the one they learned into action instead you could have put it in a much better way isn't it for instance you start with the skills gained instead of saying who gains hope you are getting it hope you are there so it becomes a real time work life experience skills of dealing with different people and quintessentially applying the knowledge learnt into action day is not require it is them only who wins you're talking about isn't it now let alone interaction are some of the advantages worth mentioning enough more than enough try to avoid as much as possible when it is not possible it is totally fine having them is totally fine but not too many things too many of the too many he will not fit you any mark always know this in the next part is grammar well this has a lot of law with respect to crime well it looks all excellent right I say with respect to grammar Nagar I don't think there is a problem at the grammar but if you dig down understand the evolution criteria what grammar is expected when you understand you would know that this essay doesn't meet any of the criteria the grammar demands want to write variety of sentences simple sentence compound sentence complex sentence relative clauses and also add models I will kill you by killing two different things I kill you may say that the person is angry I will kill you has a different set of meaning isn't it I may kill you I should kill you I can kill you everything defines the situation in a much better way so you got to use the models man hope you are getting it so grammar is all about yes particles commas and all of them including the usage of the models and the sentence structure in this I am NOT explaining you more about simple sentence what Arkham compounds complex sentences about because I've already explained this in the other video which I told in the very beginning that request you watch that to understand more about it but if you see here firstly pushing gangsters to work has myriad advantage a simple sentence when the youth start their work life the gain substantial knowledge is a complex sentence it is a valuable asset for them there's one more independent sentence to independence intense connected using iron becomes compound-complex for instance again this this this this and this simple sentence traveling the world gives you immense experience by meeting people and this simple sentence I could see most of the simple sentence and one only one variety very nice variety and nowhere the models the person has made use of can could would may might shall should nowhere mention of them obviously the grammar also score six overall the person get this is 5 this is 6 this is 7 point 5 6 certainly not more than 6 point 5 all in the worst case if the examiner is in a good mood the person may get 6 point 5 and not more than that but they say looks good to the naked eye isn't it so the next question we all have is how to structure there I say as for the evaluation criteria so that I can get more than seven seven point five one eight now I'm going to show you how to do the idea generation what is the source behind the idea generation it's about your lack of thinking it's just that a person is not ready to think because the person doesn't have the approach and now I'm gonna give you the approach it's your turn to try applying the approach he fasted it gonna be difficult second are gonna be the toughest today gonna be the even toughest one to follow this approach to the fourth today if you resist for today if you keep on practicing it becomes a cakewalk so try following this thing's will easily fall in place well the approach is very simple I'm gonna explain you in just a while but before that let us understand the structure this is what your sentence should look like doesn't it so this is the knowledge whatever the advantage you write for the travel you have to write one advantage and then don't let another advantage support it with the supporting idea provide some examples or continue talking about them and then conclude it if possible then once this is done then you go to work talk about one advantage related to work and then continue talking about it is supporting idea and then some more examples or continue talking about them if possible gave a conclusion well this is how it has to be written so how many advantages should I write you can write as many you want but whatever the advantage you write it should have a justification articulation has to be there if that is not there then marks will not be given I suggest one advantages more than enough there's no max given extra Max asked even if you write or if you happen to write more number of advantages isn't it put your knowledge put your time energy into the evaluation criteria max is not given to the number of advantages max is given for coherence coercion task response lexical resource and the grammar so it should not matter as to how many advantages you write it should only matter as to how you have written those advantages isn't it so one advantage is enough because is here the question is work is also there travel is also that so work you give one advantage travel you give another advantage in one paragraph but let's say the I mean the question is only one particular topic let's say but only what could given then you may write two advantages if you really want so let's talk about the travel first let's narrow down the things and get the travel advantages first with the problem with a lot of people is I don't know anything I mean what to start with how to start with and the famous approach got the famous concept that comes here is a brainstorming brainstorming means whatever that comes to your mind you just think travel but but narrow it down narrow down your thought process into the topic the topic is not travelling at all correct the topic is all about young students who have just passed their high school and before they join the university should they be encouraged to travel with that in the mind you think and whatever the thoughts you get let the thoughts just flow let the joy thoughts just flow no problem at all because later we're gonna group them quickly so for me when I was brainstorming the first thought that came to my mind was travelling it early stages of life provides a greater understanding of society and it can have a positive impact on their thinking certainly yes and then I started questioning more about it how it can give a greater understanding of pursue society because it expands a mental horizon-- of the individuals mainly because they can meet a lot of people from variety of so this is the first step and once this is done you could have written whatsoever whatever you want but with respect to topic you can't simply write correct I can write travelling gives me fun travelling is very you know linked up expensive darling is cheap no with respect to the top peak you have to narrow it down and just right next thing is the most important thing which gives Maxtor your cohesion how the ideas are related so whatever you have written just give it a thought just give it a thought can I group them can I link them can I group them let's say these two are together these two are separate can I do that if pause you will try doing it now let me show you how exactly I do it so let's group them in a proper order travelling expands the mental horizon of the individual so I'm gonna start with this this looks like the main advantage it's easy it's very simple sometimes you need to you know name the heading for an entire paragraph and this looks like the heading right traveling expands the mental horizon of the people that's gonna be the advantage and then I'm gonna talk more about it how because when you travel you meet a lot of people with different different background since their background is different you get to understand a lot of things which eventually have a positive impact or you know expands your meant and how I saw so I'm just grouping it based on your knowledge you group it - no problem in whatever the way you do so this would be my first sentence I'm just ordering them or grouping them then comes they can meet a lot of people why the mental horizon-- expands because why this is happening it's only because they can meet a lot of people and if you might talk more about it then I would say I'm travelling at early stages of the life provides a greater understanding of society as they meet a lot of people from different background different background different culture means more knowledge and suddenly it has a positive impact in their thinking which is nothing but mental horizon I'm just particulate in the thoughts excellent this is the first step and once this is done the next gonna be the actual one wherein you rewrite considering the question and also show you a formal right skills traveling expands the mental horizon of the individuals is that the question traveling is not the question traveling after the completion of the school is the question traveling after the completion of the school broadens the mindset of the countless youth lots of you paraphrase that the next sentence they can meet a lot of people don't write just like that they can mean they can eat pizza they can go they can do this stop you know giving preference to the world they instead instead use the nominalization concept and try writing in a much formal way so here if you see when they travel to vary place as an opportunity to interact innumerable with innumerable people of different backgrounds earth how other person was written when they travel to varied places they interact with innumerable people of different background I did not write they interact again that is a nominalization I already applied you just have to have a close observation here they can get a lot of people from different background and the travel to do fated places an opportunity to interact with innumerable people arises different background arises and consequently what is going to happen consequently an exposure to such a mixed environment provides a rich understanding in the ugly tears of the life facilitates a greater understand was a society which can drastically have a positive impact in their thinking same thing I just articulated and now this looks like my main idea this is supporting idea this is more justification given as to why I said that travelling expands the men tied her eyes on very simple isn't it so far whatever you've done is only 1% of it the rest 99% actually starts so now let's talk about the work for the travel we're finished now let's talk about the work whatever that comes to your mind you just put it across brainstorming provides about a clarity about the working environment because the person is still young correctly he doesn't know much about it so he understands a lot of things about the working environment he prepares one with better experience working during this time prepares the person with a better experience for the future job and help understand the complications to be dealt with in the professional life also get some hands-on experience with a lot of things whatever that comes your mind see there is no important thing it's all about representation you can have a poor content and make it look rich just like the media people do all the time as simple as that it's all the knack that is the art is what I'm talking about you have to experience it correct you have to experience that means you're right have someone assess your essay again right make mistakes right make mistakes and slowly you show a progression so and then I continue writing they can make some money to meet finances and college fee mean time and now I'm going to group them so if you see here it was very easy for me to group these three things into one and this into another help them understand the complications to be dealt in professional life working environment future job when they work and on the work they can also meager amount money man come on they can make some money to meet finances and college fee meantime so I've got two advantages not required but if you want you can suddenly right no problem at all but whatever you write you need to justify them quickly understand how to read like this helps them understand the complications to be dealt in the professional life working during break time will undoubtedly enable their dollar sense to understand the intricacies of the working life well in advance this is what I wrote working during break time I am NOT deviating from the topic I am talking to the topic this is one of the most important aspects otherwise tasks worse once you completely goof it up the next sentence prevails of better clarity about the working environment provides a better clarity sorry and prepares one with better experience for the future job in other words this will be my main idea I'm going to support it this is because or in other words it provides a better clarity about the working environment and also prepares one for a better experience or exciting professional life in the future that's the art of paraphrasing and they can make some money I'm going to say apart from this or in addition additionally individual at such a tender age can earn sufficient money to meet the financial needs and reduce the monetary burden of university fees well we pretty much fine with it so this is what I have written the entire paragraph this is the body one which talks about the traveling and the working during break time this has one particular main idea which is the pradhans the mindset and the rest of them are completely in line with broadening the mindset that is with respect to traveling and the working during the break time enabled at all it seems to understand the intricacies the complexities the fine differences of the working life well in advance and the rest of them talk about the same thing working environment and prepares one for an exciting professional life in the future you can stop it here but if you want you have more to write you write one more can earn sufficient money to meet the financial needs and I also justified a little bit saying it reduces the monetary burden of the University fee it is not just about writing multiple sentences you write multiple sentences then you are justifying it no you can use a compound sentence and still give a justification like the one I have done for the last life alright before we saw the body 1 and let's understand what are the mistakes that have happened with respect to task response well task response the question is very simple before commencing the higher university education and after finishing the high school after the completion of school and when they travel I am talking about the same thing and I have already discussed more about it entire advantage is talking about the actual topic and one of the advantages with respect to traveling during the break time correct and the similarly working during the break time is also talking about the question task response is a nine out of nine if you have any doubts on this you can comment in the comment section I'm gonna help you understand but I hope it has justified have given very you know clear justification as to why the task response is mine let's talk about the coherence cohesion cohesion C coherence is different cohesion is defect cohesion is how well the ideas are in structure coherence is like a Google map never forget that so coherence we need signposts these are clearly explained in my other video like a beam telling since beginning was that video you clearly understand that coherence is all about firstly secondly however in contrast on the other hand as a result consequently cohosh coherence is very easy everyone will write that but cohesion is the problem so here we understand how well the cohesion has been developed coercion is all about one main idea are supporting idea and the conclusion school broadens our mindset when they travel opportunity to interact with innumerable people consequently in exposure to such a environment facility it's a greater understanding see here I started my sentence with broadens the mindset and I'm still talking about the same thing which can drastically have a positive impact I'm talking about the same thing on whom on world people know younger minds that's exactly what I started with countless youth everything is about talking at the same thing so cohesion looks good man so this is difficult for a lot of people to get it you need to narrate it you you have to become a very good screen player just as simple as that similarly working during break time it undoubtedly enable the door listens to understand the in depresses like what better clarity about work environment also prepares one for an exciting professional life in the future it is paraphrasing and then can earn sufficient money to meet the financial needs and due to this you could have written and due to this or consequently a reduction in the monetary burden of energy a fee can happen I just combined them both I am given justification I've articulated it question is excellent but let's talk about the coherence see here firstly that is one of the things when they travel I am talking about the previous noun which is youth this also comes under coherence consequently an exposure to such such is referring to the different background and social status I am real linking it using Kaplan internal referencing is very very important and once I finished this particular thing I am going with another similarly you cannot say on the other hand similarly working during break time also has a similar kind of advantages in other words it provides that means working during the time apart from this additionally is also fine individual at such a tender age the entire thing is talking about working during play time such a tender age is a pronoun referencing currants is good man I have used a lot of things a lot of fun signposts are there Goren's excellently is maintained cohesion is also maintained task response is maintained the next thing is a lexical resource let us understand them as well lexical resource certainly formal words and most of the most of them have written is the formal word but let us understand here countless youth youth students have changed to youth and on the youths mind I change at a younger mind enable the youths to understand adolescence to understand apart from this youth or students I told individual wherever is possible I have not repeated so reputation big no but in the worst case when you cannot do anything it's totally fine but usually repetition of the words of beacon or place and just just not the lexical resource see here - travelling after the compression of school broadens the mindset of the countless youth so this broadens the mindset I could have written in the conclusion which can drastically have or which can rush drastically broaden the mindset of the complex youth i paraphrased it and said positive impact hope you are getting it facilitates a good understanding of the society it's also broadening the mindset same thing but I'm writing in a different set of words and it is properly fitting in so same here different background people then we decay to meet innumerable people with different background consequently an exposure to such a different background I would have written it I wrote mixed environment hope you are getting it very various possible I am changing it and intricacies of the working life the next one I could have written working life I wrote working environment wherever is possible but it's not just that formal words have to be written like nominalization I told they again they do they do they do Gaming becomes easy so wherever is possible you have to use and I've already done that but now I'm showing with respect to the reputation and it's not just that we also need modifiers well modifiers are nothing but sometimes you need to use few set of words to effectively convey your idea for example I need it I need the pen let's say you told your brother he is using a pen and he thought maybe you don't actually need it and they are simply asking it but let's say you said I badly need it he will certainly will understand that you certainly will need it any if he doesn't give you you gonna break his leg so this badly is called a modifier it is helping you to convey your thoughts convey your ideas effectively hope you are getting it on should I use this here certainly is you have to use it no way of escaping at all and it's very easy to use and connects failure that as well so if you see here when they travel to places different places has a meaning interact with people in numerable people always quantify don't just write people some people a lot of people several people an inordinate amount of people you have to use such an environment mixed environment facilitates an understanding greater understanding which can have a positive impact drastically have a positive impact which can have an impact positive impact break time during the break time working during break time will enable will undoubtedly enable provide society better clarity prepares one for a professional life exciting professional life at such an age at such a tender age can earn money can done sufficient money whatever is required reduce the burden monetary burden every word here believe me helps you get more marks for your lexical resource and trust me on this verify tester strategies a lot of students of mine are getting seven to eight easily even in the very first attempt a lot of track records like that using this method so I can lightly rely on this but at the end of the day yes it's all about English you need to have a good English just by using the words Nicole I use the word I still did not get it you may be doing some other mistake always underst so let's understand the grammar look at the first line traveling after the completion of school broadens the mindset of countless yo type it's a simple sentence when I go to hotel when they travel to varied places whenever you create a dependency it becomes a complex sentence an opportunity to interact with innumerable arises complex sentence consequently an exposure to such a mixed environment facilitates a greater understanding of the society this is really really important Conway's have a checklist you need to have one a relative clause using that those which some word has to be there which again references the previous thing creator understanding which can that means greater understanding can drastically this is a relative clause comes under complex sentence similarly working during break time will undoubtedly enable it always sense to do something simple sentence so we have to simple so far one complex one relative clause we just need a compound statement if you have not written a compound statement let's say you wrote it provides a better clarity about the working environment you put a full-stop you should be immediately knowing that you have not written a compound sentence let me add and blah blah blah I had something so that it becomes a compound sentence hope you are getting there hope you are hearing it apart from this an individual at such a tender age can earn sufficient money to meet the financial needs and reduce the monetary burden of the university fees apart from this I know this is a complex sentence this has a dependency on top of that I've used the connector here it becomes a compound sentence throughout if you see it as a mixture of simple complex compound relative clause excellent grammar is all excellent but it's only a part of it because models really play a huge role and I've already explained in the very beginning I kill you I will kill you I can kill you I should kill you everything has a different meaning with respect to context so firstly traveling after the compression of school broadens the mindset when they travel to you may ask knuckle can I write a will broaden say this is again a big chapter in my first two years explained the tenses when it's a fact you don't use the models it's a fact you just put it in the present tense Cecil is a big ocean I will put all of them in the description you can watch it later but for now understand sometimes we have to use the wheel sometimes you should not you should just keep it as it is when it's a fact you keep it when it's your opinion then you add the models accordingly when the travel to where in places and opportunity to interact with innumerable people of different background and social status arises here I want to say it may I'm not sure about it he too may arise and that's a very important thing consequently it facilitates a greater understanding of the society which can I drastically have a positive impact on the younger man can refers to ability will refers to undoubted Ness that's the pins st. was incorrect working during break time will definitely enable will if you don't use will working during break time enables the dollar sense totally fine but if you use the will believe me there will be a certain change in the marks and I completely trust this things are working so for for my students it will work for you as well wherever there is a possibility of adding a model you add it apart from this an individual at such a tender age earn can earn it becomes an ability to show a possibility use the word can when you talk about the past tense you're going to use the world could it's again a big chapter let's not deal more about it in this well so far we've finished just the introduction and the body was still a long way to go well don't worry about it at the end of the day it's about you getting what you want that piece of knowledge that piece of information that could help you edge past Sarang inya is writing so now we will go to the body to it is all about disadvantages right so you're going to talk about one disadvantage for the traveling and one disadvantage for the work and for the traveling you write one disadvantage you're justified and for the work you write one disadvantage you justified and how you write represent it with respect to task response core and coercion lexical resource crime upon the base understand this have a checklist keep on ticking once you finish them accordingly so let them understand the body - so have you finished introduction body 1 and now we go to body 2 but before I explain you the real thing as I received in the comment section a lot of people requested me to show and I say which looks like it gets 9 but it hasn't that's what I did in the body 1 in the body - also I'm gonna do the same thing and then show you the actual correct essay so this is the body - secondly entering the workforce for choosing to travel processes some trivial disadvantages to the younger generation that is not the question at all the question is entering the workflow so choosing to travel during the break time which is completely missing when the young people start working they understand the value of money makes sense totally yes but it is not fitting the topic and pay heed to my Ettore aspects in the life they lose focus on pursuing their studies further as their attention is diverted to money-making covariance coercion is fine they pay heed to monetary aspects and their attention is diverted to money-making coherence cohesion is fine to some extent but task response not right away 0 because it is talking about some other topic makes sense isn't it due to traveling many students end up settling abroad what is the person trying to say the students will go settle abroad and as they prefer the forum lifestyle this is a Val valuable loss for students as they miss the values and benefits of family life the persons try to justify with top with with a point but this is talking about students traveling abroad it is not at all crap talking about travelling during that break again the entire thing is wrong and the grammar looks good but again lack of the variety of sentences no mortals has been used so yes this will not score more than six point five or seven hundred percent not possible so let's understand how exactly to write this the same way as I explained the advantages that is certainty is also put the same way one main idea one supporting idea some examples and then conclusion but independently for travelling and the work I've already written that I'm gonna directly show it to you I am now here concentrating on working on the other hand obvious disadvantages are associated with taking a break from school I'm starting with this I am directly starting with this so I am talking about the topic firstly earning at such a younger age make one accustomed get used to you are not supposed to use that informal more like that there are plenty of words all right so get accustom to monthly wages however the fact that a graduation can benefit them with a better salary job is often overlooked if you see here what I am linking earning it's such a younger age get accustomed to monthly they're getting celled man every monthly they're getting salary but the fact that they could have gotten a better salary if that finish the graduation is overlooked I am talking about the same thing I am again talking about the same thing this would mean they may not return to studies later and continue to enjoy the partial benefits of earning to meet the finances entire thing is talking about they get used to monthly wages so it's very simple now could how do I think like this it's very simple group them just start brainstorming think of an example is this another approach think of an example what is going to happen if I myself don't you know continue studying and I went to work at such a younger age I'm getting a center you may get so used to it and start putting a question mark see it's all about at the strike of 1.1 thought you get put a question mark you get one more thought the related to this hope you are getting it so all I did was what if I work I get little salary and I get used to it and consequences but the moment I get used to it for sure I will not go written because I'm getting salary man and like more than happy with it but what is the implication I might learn a better salary job in the future but due to the you know like immediate benefits I'm overlooking it entire thing is talking about one thing so what I am doing this this is called articulation of the thoughts you bring one start putting question mark start putting question mark until you get another and then finish it nicely an entire thing should be titled as one thing such a read should write you write something and you show it to your friend your friend says the title could be this the title could be the source or title could be this name also the person end up giving four different titles to you our paragraph that should never happen if that is happening your core ends question is goofed up always understand this very simple role so show it your friend or you know like see it yourself if you are able to come up with only one title for this that means core is coherence cohesion is perfect that's exactly what I'm showing in my essays too so hope you understood this we will talk about it in detail in just a while but before that we go to the next paragraph so hope you understood how to write that particular thing we will understand more about the evolution criteria in just a while but before that let's talk about the travelling okay now with respect to travel can you just help us we thought you know like before showing that gel pad active wear is simple maybe you can pause the video and start thinking about it the thoughts could be fur but the representation should be same all you gotta say is you bring up a disadvantage of traveling and start questioning so let's understand one of the disadvantages let's say young people start climbing what is going to happen they may get drugged why why why put a question mark the next odd because there are a lot of bad people and these young people are not matured enough the bad people can easily influence them so so question mark what happens complications so due to this they lose their life they may not return to studies at all that's all it is that's all it is well if you have got the jumble of thoughts then arrange them and make a nice story now we have to write that whatever we got is a thought wherein we know what has to be written how to write each and everything you just have to represent it by painting it down so this is what it is increasing students who travel after the schooling may put them at risk this is my main idea and this is an art you will get it with the practice this is because at all ascend mind may not be mature enough to judge every person they encounter during the journey and this may lead them to a wrong path for instance drug addiction is one such activity many youths succumb to succumb to fall prey to which later abstain them from continuing the studies whatever I told you I have written but in a completely formal way for this you need a knowledge you need the feedback hope you are getting it so let's deal more about the repetition criteria with respect of task response yes associated taking a break I'm talking about encouraging the students to travel after the schooling entire thing is talking about the topic and coherence coercion if you see on the other hand that's how I started with firstly I'm going to talk about one of the disadvantages secondly I'm going to talk about the next disadvantages kerning it's such a younger age you make one get accustomed to monthly ages however in contrast however the fact that graduation can benefit them it the better self in job is often overlooked this would mean or this implies consequently anything is when as a result anything is fine but I want this signpost no matter what they may not written day is what again I did not write youths very responsible you change it to pronoun but not multiple times here we have written multiple times them they still fine we will talk about it in just a while they may not return to studies later and continue to enjoy the partial benefits secondly encouraging students to travel after the schooling may put them at risk main idea this is because why puts them at risk I am again talking about the same thing coercion is perfect and the word this coherence is you know I'm getting more marks for that this is because perilous and mind may not be matured enough to charge every person they encounter and in the journey and this may lead and as a result anything is fine but you have to you got to use a signpost for instance I wrote something a justified and I'm giving an example drug addiction is one such activity many youth succumb to which hit abstain them that is youths from continued studies Gordon's question is I believe excellent you if you have found out any issues feel free to comment in the comment section I take it in a positive way to look into the issues after this its lexical resource see here on the other hand obvious disadvantages are associated with taking a break I use a new term which was not in the topic firstly earning working I changed it to a new word such a younger age make one accustomed to monthly wages however the fact that a graduation can benefit them with this earning I change that or better salary job is often overlooked this mean that they may not return to studies later and continue to enjoy the partial benefits of earning Nicole you are caught earning earning you've written multiple times say in the worst case it's totally fine but if you want to remove this you remove it it is not going to make any difference this is what you gotta learn see here this would mean that they may not return to studies later and continue to enjoy the partial benefits to meet the finances you're talking about better salary jobs earning monthly wages again all learning is not like what is redundant in some cases you can just remove them instead of thinking of a new world let's continue secondly encouraging students I use the word students now to travel after the schooling may put the mattress this is because a Nadal is sent mind instead of writing this you could have said day if you're running short of words you can use the pronoun referencing but not all the time they may not be matured enough to judge an encounter during the journey and this may lead them Nicole you are using them multiple times very simple if you have written see if this is applicable very much to people who take the computer-based because you can click on the backspace and remove them arrange them as many times as you want on a paper-based it is also possible definitely yes but I feel as little annoying so if they will switch to computer-based this method properly works this may lead them to a wrong path for instance drug addiction is one such activity many youths I change the word dollar send succumb to which later abstain them again I call them I don't want multiple them very simple you can change it the way you want it and this may lead them to a wrong path and this may cause severe LUMS this may cause a detrimental affects this may cause anything you write in this field so you can't change it it's actually very simple you just gonna think should have the knowledge know that you can change them the word them if you don't want the way you want it and after this we check the modifiers see they're obvious advantages or disadvantages obvious is a modifier with a salary job better so they chopped enjoy the partial benefits caused severe problems at many use youths many use wherever it is possible I'm just adding it up I hope you are there let's also talk about the grammar so here if you see on the other hand obvious disadvantages are associated with this simple sentence burning at such a younger age make when accustomed to this simple sentence however the fact that a graduation can benefit them with a better salvage job is often overlooked simple sentence okay three simple sentences all right if needed we won't change it this would mean they may not return to studies later and they will continue to enjoy partial benefits that becomes a compound sentence all right one compound sentence secondly encouraging students to travel up the schooling may put them at risk simple sentence this is because they may not be matured enough to judge every person they encounter and this may cause compound sentence for instance drug addiction is one such activity many youths succumb to which later that means succumb to which abstain them from relative clause have I got all the sentences relative clause simple compound where is the complex there is no complex so you gotta use them you got to use them and how do we do that we change one of the sentences any sentence this would mean they may not be written to studies later and continue difficult to change it this compound sentence we're gonna change and how do we do that remove this is because I had a dependency how do you add it dependent see you add a subordinate conjunction check my grammar videos have clearly explained what is that since as because when although do less use since since they may not be mature enough to church every person during their journey , it may cause severe problem so this becomes a complex sentence from compound I change to complex and now I have all the varieties of sentences very simple that's exactly what I have shown you you remove the word this is because since they may not be matured enough to judge or as they are not matured enough anything is fine but start with a dependent clause to judge every person they encounter during the journey it may cause since they are not mature it may cause severe problems it becomes a complex sentence it's actually very simple isn't it you just have to believe so and start practicing so that is all about grammar and but then we have model see here wherever is possible and using it however the fact that a graduation can benefit it's a possibility ability it is checking this would mean they may not I'm not sure 50/50 I'm 50/50 sure about it since they may not be matured it may cause and secondly increasing students to travel after the schooling may put them at risk will put them at risk also you can write but it depends on the writer I think may is making more sense very simple so we have finished the introduction body one and the body two as well let's quickly go to the conclusion the simple rule is this only two lines the first line gonna summarize the advantages second line gonna summarize the disadvantage so how many advantage should I pick one of the key word from the body one is more than enough if you want to take two it's totally fine and the similar way for the body to which is a disadvantage the fact beings it is advantage disadvantages say you would have written more advantages or less advantage so one thing is more than enough whichever you think is correct and I've picked up here in conclusion a break after schooling can assess the students with a real experience of the professional world along with benefiting them with a little money instead you could have talked about a break after schooling can assess the students with a real experience of the professional world along with benefiting them with talking to different sort of people thereby increasing their knowledge which is widening the mental however because it's a 20 the temple are gonna be fixed however this could be a flawed concept if the Liberty to travel of work is misused because of an inmate's your mind or you could have told this could be a flawed concept if the Liberty to choose a work is misused because of an immature mind the second line we have not talked about the better salary will actually you know abstain them from continuing the further studies it's totally fine you're just trying to summarize the information so however this could be a flawed concept you're talking about disadvantage if the Liberty to travel of work is misused because of an immature mind totally fine I don't think any problem in this we are not deviating and a lot of people what they do they again try to invent something new on their own out of the blue in the conclusion oh don't do that whatever you have written exactly copy/paste basically have done that and then I changed it using different words and little bit different meaning which is paraphrasing as simple as that well I think that's completes the session congratulations you just understood how to write AB and nine essay and really hope this was a useful video helped you understand a lot of things but always understand it's not just about practicing see whatever I shared so far with one-hour video I'm pretty much sure it's you know literally a very lengthy video it was all the knowledge sharing but knowledge sharing will help you to some extent what helps you is a execution so once you got the knowledge you wouldn't still understand you know the problems you may be facing if you're not very conscious about it correct the next thing is a feedback you need the feedback and that condom solves the purpose always understand this and if interested in a online process wherein we do this session every day in the evening we do this if you're interested in the online session you can always send us a mail for the then coaching and I hope you'll really like the video Basia the comments in the comment section and what videos you want me to come up with in the future definitely I would take it on a positive note and do the needful saying this I'm gonna end this video here thanks much for your time and participation looking forward to see you soon and if you have not subscribed the channel let kinda do subscribe not to miss any of the further updates chicken is bye-bye

Channel: Skills IELTS

Views: 279,122

Keywords: Ielts writing task 2, ielts writing templates, ielts writing task 2 essay writing, ielts writing task 2 general essay writing, ietls essay writing strategies, band 7 essay ielts, pros and cons ielts essay, advantages disadvantages essay ielts, ielts online coaching, full essay advantages disadvantages

Id: ZjLuq5Q9-bY

Length: 68min 17sec (4097 seconds)

Published: Sun May 24 2020