IELTS Live - Task 2 Writing - Finish Band 9

welcome to today's live isles class my name is adrian and i'm streaming to you from beautiful victoria here on the west coast of canada i hope everybody is having a great day so far looking forward to a fantastic weekend or you're maybe already having your weekend depending on where you are welcome jainil hi bakrat good to see your members welcome sumit shook preet koher good to see many students joining in in this class students we are looking at task two writing and we're finishing our essay for a band nine that we started um in the last class if you weren't here for that don't worry we'll go through the question and the introduction at the beginning before writing the body paragraphs and the conclusion this lesson is presented to you by ae help dot com for academic ielts success visit us there for the general ielts check us out at g ieltshelp.com on both of those websites we have lots of help to improve your writing get higher band scores and while we wait for a few more students i'll quickly show you what these look like this is our academic outs website here you can click that big red button to join our premium package it is a one-time payment for lifetime access we are a certified british council ielts registration center and british council agents and for the general ielts same idea green background you can click that big red button to join our premium package there we have apps academic ielts help general alex help in your app store and of course you can follow us on instagram ielts underscore ae help and giles help we've got lots of goodies there for you and if you have a question just shoot me an email adrian ae help dot com okay so assuming uh the package is lifetime membership to become a member of youtube you have to click the join button uh beside the subscribe button on the youtube channel okay all right everyone let's get into this so we've got a couple more classes tomorrow as well make sure you hang around for those tomorrow um here we go this was the question that we started in yesterday's class so let's just read this question especially for those of you who weren't with us yesterday this is the question we're working on today ielts task 2 writing you should spend about 40 minutes on this task many people believe the world is in need of a global government that can regulate universal tax health care and security discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion okay so we did a lot of planning yesterday and we ended up with a good introduction to start our essay here is the introductory paragraph okay over the last two decades there has been an increasing demand for a global government a single unified authority that can be responsible for the critical social systems such as medical care tax laws and safety legislature may better operate an ever-growing international community although a major disadvantage of a unified government is loss of autonomy for nations its benefits include a greater degree of social equality public safety and general health for these reasons i'm in support of this idea so this right here is my thesis my thesis outlines um the body paragraphs so here i'm going to write three body paragraphs okay the first one will be about the disadvantage of a unified government because of loss of autonomy autonomy means an inability to make decisions for oneself okay so depending on others or being forced into situations by others okay the benefits that will be the next body paragraph social equality public safety general health and then a short paragraph of why i'm in support of this so that's what we're going uh to be working on for this all right so let's get into our first body paragraph now body paragraphs should always start with a topic sentence and the topic sentence comes from your first thesis point okay so we're going to do this together so the first sentence is about the disadvantage of loss of autonomy let's uh start with that now we have to keep in mind that we're aiming to write around 300 maybe 320 30 words for this essay okay all right so body one topic sentence so what you want to do is paraphrase with detail the first point in this case loss of autonomy is a disadvantage okay so that's what we want to focus on uh for this first sentence all right and i want to spend this class writing with you and giving you feedback so i'm going to give you instructions as we move along but we're going to move nice and smoothly through this essay so go ahead and write a sentence that lets your reader know what you mean about the disadvantage of a unified global government being the loss of autonomy okay i'm going to do the same i'll let you think for a moment while i write and then we'll compare okay so here we go you all right so this is my sentence now when you're writing the sentence um try to be quick try to be fluent okay uh it is important that you're not thinking for too long or you're not worrying too much about mistakes otherwise you will lose too much time i will correct uh mistakes that i see so don't worry about that rajvir says nations may be unable to make decisions on their political social religious and economic aspects when they're controlled by a global authority very good rajvir yeah so this is what i wrote one of the clear deficits of having a single authority managing all countries is that nations and cultures lose their ability to make critical decisions for themselves yeah and then in my explanation rajvir i'm going to go into some of the details that you mentioned but i like what you wrote so it's okay to include that much detail into the topic sentence because you're still in description there absolutely and i think it's in some ways even more concise than what i wrote here okay um saga just uh focus on the task at hand don't keep staring at the clock in the writing section and just write okay stick to strategy that's what's most important focus on your strategy and your thoughts instead of the time all right um call deep says firstly deficits um consider there is a major loss of autonomy with a single global authority yeah so call deep good you're going quickly there's got you have a few mistakes um you want a little bit more uh clarity more description but you're being fluent that's great uh shelby um whoever said paraphrasing is an old technique i'm sorry i don't i didn't mean to laugh there but uh it's paraphrasing has been around since humans have started to communicate with each other since we started to uh yell get out of the building it's on fire the house is burning you must leave so paraphrasing is a fundamental component of human communication i don't think it's going anywhere anytime soon so it's not something that can get outdated it's been with us since the dawn of time and probably will hang around for well as far as i can imagine anyway okay uh viral says unified government has many disadvantages first its local community might lose their voice while making important decisions okay gotti it's a good start um having a unified government has uh disadvantages importantly local communities might lose their voice when um making important decisions yeah okay a couple of corrections there mundy says the freedom of local authorities to make any decision for health and safety of the public is devastated with one international government yeah okay uh jaineel says if a universal government regulates social issues for all countries uh nations lose independence when making local decisions yeah geneal good you have to put nations lose their independence because otherwise the they is confused with the universal government so careful with your pronoun modifiers in your sentence it sounds like they could be the universal government and it's confusing so careful about that ravi darjee says sir i got my ielts results yesterday and the score was listening seven reading 6.5 writing 6 speaking 5.5 overall 6.5 should i apply for an eor in the speaking module um ravi yeah if you only need like half a band more it could be a good idea it's very difficult to get more points with the eor usually people just lose their money but if you're out of time and if you only need half a band it might be a good idea especially it's kind of strange to have a speaking score that's lower than writing and reading so it might be a good idea okay maniksha a band 9 introduction should be to the point and that's why this introduction is very much to the point because it gives a very direct thesis okay it tells the reader very directly the deficit the benefit of a unified government or the need for one and the fact that i support that there is a need okay so it's a very very direct thesis there maniks okay all right um so let's explain this the next sentence is the explanation okay for the explanation use quantitative and detailed ideas to clearly explain the topic sentence okay i'm going to do that now again do it with me so i'm going to type you'll have a little bit of silence so that you can think and then we'll compare okay all right here we go so you you all right um so there's my sentence um gotti says to explain it more while making a plan for budget sometimes unified governments forget to allocate budgets to important areas like free health care gym equipment yeah in the government office okay rashika says local communities are unable to make decisions on their own about economic political and social issues when having a unified authority okay good akshay says one of the major disadvantages of having a single governing body globally is that countries lose their authority on local populations to make certain rules and regulations good rahul says usually local governments know their issues best and they can put forward adequate resources to resolve them which may not be possible with global authorities making policy decisions or taking policy decisions okay rahul that's good as well very nice writing members khalif says in certain communities many governments lose their control and have to follow protocol made by international bodies which becomes inevitable and irrespectful yeah and lose caldipe's los e in that case okay not loose but lose uh chandra deep says uh in lots of scenarios local authorities are responsible to take decisions like building hospitals holding cultural events and festivals which may contradict with unified governments okay good chandra deep i would stop there because they will look global i don't think we need that part all right very good pisces long good luck on your exam today all right summit says when one authority makes decisions regarding their na their uh national issues those actions could be changed by a global authority which will lead to dependence on more authority okay it's not bad at all students try to avoid the use of will so try to stay in the present general tense uh not in the future so don't use the future participle will stay away from that okay all right manvi says a unified government for all nations is is unable to understand the needs of local people from different cultures and backgrounds and they have um disregard for their the demands of the general public okay monvi good i made a few corrections there so pay attention to that rajvira says or writes countries are no more in position to design policies to safeguard their religious beliefs and security protocols which are best suited to their needs when unified authorities find it challenging okay rajvir i'm a little bit confused especially with the end part there so you might want to rethink how to uh express that good luck akash in your exam today as well jassy says unlike local governments uh unlike global governments local governments can not only take decisions for their nation nation greatly but also experience the issues of local residents precisely okay however global governments would fail in this regard all right okay good so now let's give an example okay so here you have to kind of think of the example we do have some global governing bodies like interpol or who um but here you have to kind of imagine the situation because we don't really have a global government yet so think about an example that could be useful in the next body paragraph as well now here i'm going to take from my current context and i think in this case healthcare is a good example okay so you all right um so here is my example and basically i'm just taking a page from current history okay so although instituting a lockdown in some countries may be feasible during a pandemic if this were forced on nations without economic stability or viral breakout it would do more harm than good right and that's what we experienced in the world these days with covid right some countries basically said hey guys we can't do a lockdown because if we stop our economic flow and uh have people stay indoors that's going to basically bankrupt our country and um we also don't have a lot of cases of this virus at least that's what people thought right so rahul says for instance global tax mechanism which levies the tax on all populations of the globe may not be feasible as countries have uh different incomes spending power savings and development needs yeah i think rahul that would be another good one um it's very measurable you could use a lot of quantitative language there with taxation right so global tax law might not work so well in certain countries as in others okay welcome to your first class kaushalia debbie good to have you okay all right um so there is my first body paragraph now i'm going to read it and make sure it makes sense okay so one of the clear deficits of having a single authority managing all countries is that nations and cultures lose their abilities to make critical decisions for themselves okay in certain cases local governments make decisions regarding religion laws and health care to benefit their domestic populace which may not coincide with an international interest and this would simply not work with the higher authority control although instituting a lockdown in some countries may be feasible during a pandemic if this were forced on nations without economic stability or viral breakout it would do more harm than good okay so here i'm going to do a concluding connecting sentence okay for such reasons it may not be ideal to have one international government okay good i'm happy with that paragraph now i can move on to my next body paragraph i see a couple more good examples there let's move it along let's really get into this essay so now i'm going to write another paragraph about the advantages of having a uh unified single government now this is the site that i support so i want to do a really good job arguing uh this um this side of this idea okay all right so again uh first sentence is topic sentence okay and again i want to go into more detail than my thesis whenever you're writing your topic sentence of your body paragraph it's a good idea to look back at your thesis statement and check what you wrote there so you don't just simply repeat your thesis but you actually do give more detail and also to make sure that you're in line with your thesis so you're not giving new ideas that you didn't mention uh in the beginning okay all right um so here the benefits include a greater degree of social equality public safety and general health alright so we've got lots of detail there so we're going to have to go into even greater detail in this sentence okay in this topic sentence of body paragraph two so write this uh this topic sentence i'm going to do the same again just as with the first paragraph we're gonna move along nice and smoothly get these sentences out there again don't worry too too much about mistakes okay the reason uh akshay that we're having disadvantages in the first body paragraph and the advantages in the second is because um i'm writing the essay where my opinion is supporting the advantages so because i support the advantages i want to have a good connection there with my own opinion that comes after this paragraph okay all right so here we go all right so here i'm kind of amalgamating those uh components of health care laws and securities okay uh and i'm going to explain this sentence so it's kind of like i'm moving backwards but also giving more detail at the same time all right rahul says a global government may use better technology and manpower as they have expert resources from all over the world which can address issues of health safety and security rahul that's a very clever sentence yeah so there's basically greater resources available to an international government that are not available locally which could possibly help to solve issues better for people yeah i agree right it's a good idea mandeep singh says having a global government can bring similar rules and regulations for every person living in this world which can discard religious and based decisions that might not be for the benefit of the people yeah uh mandeep okay that's a good argument as well and i like where you're going with it so it's good gotti says to turn towards the pros of a single authority comma people can have equal pay rates all over the world despite um different currencies as well there are lower chances of conflict among nations yeah i like that okay i actually like some of your responses better than what i wrote so good job right summit says nowadays millions of people move from one nation to another so it is good uh to make a global authority to provide proper service for everyone regardless of uh their residence yeah very good so i mean that was also very good idea uh khaldeep says nonetheless having a single governing branch to control um certain domains leads to a safer environment and greater prosperity for all nations yeah or for the majority of the people right there's kind of that saying that you can't make everybody happy um but of course if we have one single government we might make more people happy internationally uh than if we have just local authorities that's a very smart idea as well khal deep and it's a good start all right jassy says having a global government as a whole could bring plenty of benefits firstly this endeavor may assist individuals to unite without any prejudice and to enhance their overall quality of health and life i'm very good jassy okay i made some corrections there as well but i think that's a fantastic idea so your your writing may not be perfect with word choice and grammar but your ideas are great and you're down the right direction okay rajvir says the upsides of having a unified authority all that are that it resolves many conflicts in trade and safety protocol thereby providing equitable access to health care and business very nice rajveer very nice topic sentence great i almost want to take some of your topic sentences and put them there instead of mine i'm not as sharp today as i'd like to be manvi says a single government has greater power to assist all nations in the form of financial support and health services as they have strong management and technology to implement the best laws very good mandy very good okay a few corrections there all right nicely done chandra deep says one of the good sides of a unified government may be a single point of contact for problems rather than looking for different options yeah chandra deep you remind me of an interesting collocation it's called diffusion of responsibility diffusion of responsibility means that basically there are so many people or in this case countries that we think should be responsible that nobody knows who is responsible in the end it happens in business as well okay all right nicely done some nice topic sentences there i think a lot of those are really great okay all right so now comes the explanation right so what do we mean by this so here in a world where many people are citizens of multiple countries and where there is great interdependence among nations it is logical to have a single governing body to ensure the basic social needs of all people so what do we mean by this right okay so all right so this explanation is kind of coming from the planning that we did yesterday so for those of you who were in yesterday's class and saw the planning i'm sure that you remember some of these points that we discussed okay so with one governing body critical issues like global terrorism viral pandemics and tax evasion can be better controlled in order to create prosperity and safety for the majority of earth's citizens okay so now i want an example um before i write the example let's see some explanations everyone so we're moving along nicely and i have a bit of time to give you some feedback all right mandeep singh says millions of individuals around the world would definitely get equal job opportunities and similar health care services regardless of their religious backgrounds with a single global government okay mandeep yeah definitely down the down the right path uh jassy says with the single governing authority certain world level environmental degradation issues can be solved better such as global warming yeah jesse so it's good i would actually go into a little bit more detail without necessarily going into an example but a bit more detail rashika says having one single authority comma people have the opportunity to receive the same facilities such as uh health business and this would create optimism around the world okay rashika good i think you're also in the right direction khaldeep says the concerned authorities may work in an effective way while avoiding critical issues like terrorism and health problems yeah and it called the maybe going to what kind of health problems like pandemics or cure for cancer right something that we might better solve if we join together and there's a single authority right classic says with a single government um currency exchange could be eliminated and there would be better utilization of money yeah that's definitely a good argument classic create a full sentence for that okay yeah i'm on vancouver island on me loving and it's okay for the most part but we also have i think the same issues that everybody else does nico says under a single governance decision makers will incident around the world policies such as disease control tackling global warming and abolishing terrorism which affect human life negatively okay nico good ideas i made some corrections there take notes of that you had some missing words and some awkward grammar but otherwise a good list of ideas chandra deep says a unified government can provide wonderful benefits for fixing climate change inadequate health care transference of technology and provide manpower to tackle issues happening around the other issues happening around the world yeah rajvir says a single governing body formulates taxation to collect tariffs from giant businesses which usually evade them due to weak taxation policies in some developing nations yeah rajvir good so you're going down the taxation route and i think money is a very quantifiable and a great example so if i weren't using um the pandemic in the previous paragraph i that would be my second choice or equally good choice for sure absolutely i think that's a big one all right okay great so let's have an example all right this all right uh so um here i think is a striking example with some quantitative information as well so even though a nation may avoid a pandemic momentarily they likely do not have the necessary resources like millions of vaccines which could be provided by a global authority should this need arise and that's a little bit brutal because that's what the world is experiencing right now right so some some nations aren't able to purchase or produce vaccines for their populace and even though they avoided the pandemic at the beginning now they could be in a much more difficult position and if we had a single government and this government established factories to produce vaccines around the world and shared the information equally to all citizens around the world we wouldn't have this situation right so that's that's an example here thanks sharmin i appreciate your comment all right rahul says for instance the vaccine production against the pandemic has been at a very fast pace and at a cheaper cost as all hands of the world have joined to fight it as a single mission okay good rahul so you're taking a different approach you're arguing that there's like a global production of vaccines which unfortunately as far as i know isn't the case but on the ielts rahul it doesn't matter because that example would work just as well so the ielts examiner is not after the truth they're after good logic and your logic is good even though it might not be the truth okay uh janelle says in relation to my previous example the uh spread of coronavirus who has taken the decision that every person must wear a medical mask and socially distanced to safeguard the entire world as well as the economy okay daniel good so instead of the vaccines you took the the mask approach yeah i mean we have lots of examples here now with this situation right because the spread of the virus the controlling of the virus the vaccination of the virus arguably could have all been managed much much better had we had a single global authority that would be aware of these kinds of situations okay very good all right agrim says a single government might import vaccines from other countries based on their relations with those countries but the who has already granted to produce vaccines and bulk amounts okay good good so a lot of you picked up on that example yeah it's it's a hot topic so rajvir says although every nation is playing its role in curbing the devastating impacts of covet 19 the world health organization has created a coax program to provide equatable access to vaccines for economically weaker nations very good very very good because the world health organization is in some ways an international governing authority on health and i'm sure that going into future years we're going to see a much greater degree of authority granted to the who and instead of having just a couple of small buildings here and there i'm sure they're going to have much bigger organization and manpower in the future okay gotti even with some emojis for instance international problems can be solved by combining efforts uh easier the problem like unequal taxation and health problems like coven 19. okay good yeah all right so uh now i can have a connecting concluding sentence here all right so certainly there are distinct reasons for certainly these r's even better are distinct reasons for needing a global government okay good so we have that now summed up all right let's go to the next paragraph which is my opinion okay now um here if i were sitting the alts exam i would do kind of a time check and also i would check to see how many words i have if i'm in the computer-based exam that's very very easy because yeah so i have roughly about 300 words so far so at this point i would probably opt to not write a single or separate paragraph for my opinion but i would just use the conclusion to include my opinion and save some time to review my essay once more just to make sure that i haven't made any big mistakes you do not need to write a five paragraph essay for the ielts it's enough to write four it's more important to write an accurate essay so in this case i'm going to make a decision in my ielts exam to not write a third body paragraph and go into more explanation about my opinion rather i'm going to conclude what i'm writing because i'll end up with roughly about 330 40 words and then um i'm going to include my opinion in that conclusion okay uh saga good question so saga is saying well how can i check my time on the paper-based exam uh so saga in the paper-based exam in the ielts you always have some big clocks in the ielts room that's their procedure they have to have a clock visible to every candidate if they don't that's a fault of the exam center but it's unusual so there should be a clock on the wall and you should see it so look at that clock when you start the writing section they will mention the time as well and they will also say there's 10 minutes left in the writing section okay they'll even tell you this so it's a good question saga they'll say now there's 10 minutes remaining in the writing section uh no one may leave at this point to go to the washroom so they'll even remind you that in the last 10 minutes of the writing section you cannot leave the exam room to go to the washroom and so you know you have about 10 minutes left to check your word count saga and you should do this at home with practice sheets official practice sheets with the ielts what you should do is you should count how many words you have in like four or five sentences and then get an average and then count your total number of sentences or rows so sorry i should say lines and then you can get a pretty good idea of how many words you have okay so count an average for three four lines and then count your total number of lines do a simple multiplication and then you know how many words you have as well okay you have to reach that minimum 250 word account okay so in conclusion all right now your conclusion generally has three parts it has your main points restated it has your argument strengthened that's where i'm going to include my own opinion and then a take-home message and that's probably another place where i will include my opinion at this point so let's do that let's go one step at a time so my main points restated so in conclusion you you okay so uh using more quantitative language using some stronger language here as well so in conclusion many people consider themselves to be not just national but global citizens as well and the need of an international government is best suited to ensure equality for the health and well-being of all 8 billion of earth citizens now it is task 2 so i should be writing words instead of numbers for 0 to 10 so let me make that correction there all right and then now i'm going to strengthen my argument and i'm going to read what you're writing okay so let's strengthen that opinion and position next all right jassy writes in conclusion a single governing authority contains both advantages and disadvantages the obvious drawbacks is the decline of local customs and values of individual nations while the positives are that people can be can have solidity okay good yeah nice use of the word solidity yeah very good stability right greater global stability chandra deep says in conclusion most people look for a unified government instead of local governments as they provide more benefits around the world learning from historic global mistakes all right chandra deep that's kind of introducing a new idea the historic the historically noticeable global mistakes so learning from the past i wouldn't recommend introducing a new idea like that in your conclusion because you have no explanation for that in the other parts of the essay so it's a little bit uh confusing okay classic says after weighing all the aspects um the notion along with the pros and cons and in light of the evidence is crystal clear that having a global government is beneficial okay yeah classic good uh don't refer to the essay students i know many people do that like they'll say this essay will discuss or as i've written in this essay or as it has been written that's actually really odd in most writing okay and most professors in universities and colleges really don't like that kind of writing because it's just it's to be perfectly blunt it's kind of weird to refer to the essay itself the essay is the conversation we don't talk about the essay itself i hope that kind of makes sense okay i personally definitely don't like that kind of reference because it's awkward okay all right some it says in conclusion the deficits of one authority are lack of control in a nation while the benefits of uh one government are more value for the global population so it's a positive to have a single power okay rajvir says in conclusion having a central governing body has many benefits and few drawbacks as it provides equal access to healthcare tax and safety protocols good nice paraphrasing whereas countries lose their ability to make their own decisions all right so so you all right so this is what i wrote so although nations stand to lose their cultural identities under a central governing body i believe it is of greater interest to not only safeguard all human life in the best possible way but also to work towards a peaceful and harmonious future and this is my take-home message okay in my opinion this is best done by a global government that can make laws which take into consideration the interest of all of the world's citizens okay so that is um my take home message right so having a government that's not just thinking of its own population and how it can get one step ahead of another country but thinking about all people and i think you know that's maybe where the world is going in the future with globalization provided we we live that long and see that future evolve by the way i'm not sure if this has a lot of meaning for some of you but it's also called convergent evolution so that's a part of our history divergent and convergent evolution divergent is when we break into pieces and convergent is when we become unified and both have happened in history so it seems like we are going towards this convergent global evolution socially social evolution okay um got to yeah the conclusion can be um similar in length to body paragraphs especially when the body paragraphs are relatively short okay uh rajvir says i believe that such organization is beneficial for humanity to ensure harmony and prosperity of every nation yeah very good or of every citizen yeah nice okay all right so now hopefully i would have at least three four minutes left to read over what i've written if i don't then i should write a little bit less okay so it's really uh from my own experience i learned this because in my official arts exam i ran out of time um and uh i suffered losing some marks because i didn't check my essay for mistakes and when you're typing fast everybody makes mistakes or most people make mistakes including myself so you want to check for mistakes because that will save you points especially if you're at the higher band score okay chandra deep you're very very welcome thank you for being here and hanging out uh everyone uh check out aehealth.com for academic ielts uh glshelp.com for general ads install our apps academically help general health help lots of videos in our apps and uh lots of help there for you so i will be here tomorrow uh members i'm gonna do a grammar lesson uh tomorrow for you and then at this same time uh we'll do speaking part three practice tomorrow so uh also for everybody that's watching we have a poll on our youtube community board um and that's asking about the times of the class so please check out the poll make a vote uh there are a couple of options right now we have this time but in the future i'm planning to maybe change the time of the class so please check out the the poll on um the youtube community posts and then make your vote and that will help me to best decide when to have these live classes if none of the choices make sense write me an email okay about what you think is a better time and why all right okay everyone have a wonderful rest of your day uh hopefully a fantastic remainder of your weekend do something relaxing recharge your batteries i'm adrian i'm signing out from victoria british columbia west coast canada for now much love to all of you bye you

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Keywords: IELTS, Task 2, writing, essay, paragraphs, sentences, vocabulary, introduction paragraph, band 9, body paragraphs, conclusion, IELTS description, English examination, writing IELTS, writing for task two, second part of writing, writing strategies, IELTS task 2, Lesson, Teacher, Learn, Student, Lessons, Learning, Free, Intro, Tutorial, IELTS task 2 explain, IELTS task 2 learning, IELTS task 2 explanations, plan, planning, understand, skills, strategies

Id: g56Bw_sY4qY

Length: 59min 26sec (3566 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 23 2021