-This show is sponsored
by BetterHelp Online Therapy. Visit betterhelp.com/padilla
because sometimes existing is exhausting. My name is Anthony Padilla,
and today I'll be spending a day with psych ward survivors
to learn the truth about what occurs
behind the walls of a psychiatric ward. By the end of this video,
we'll find out how anyone could end up in an institution like this
and how someone can suddenly find themselves
involuntarily stripped nude, pinned to the ground,
and forcefully injected with drugs. Are psychiatric wards reserved strictly
for those on the brink of collapse who desperately need delicate care
and rehabilitation or could anyone end up trapped
in a facility like this begging to escape? Hello, Anita. -Hi, how are you doing, Anthony. -Lauren.
-Hi. -David.
-Hello, Anthony. -I feel most people have an image
in their head of what psych wards are like. How close to that image in your head
was your psych ward experience? -I'm not really sure what kind of image
I had in my head of what a psych ward was. I think from movies
and popular culture media and stuff we get this image of psych wards
being a place for society's most severe cases
of mental illness and you don't maybe necessarily
return from. Then I was also given the narrative
that it was a place to get help and get treatment for your struggles
and for your mental health difficulties. -I thought there'd be beautiful grounds
and I'd relax for a while, but then when I got in the door locked. -Padded walls,
being in a room of isolation, not having a doorknob on my end. While it was not a pleasant stay,
it definitely was not like the movies. -You wrote a poem
that sums up your experience. -The first version of the poem I wrote
while I was actually in the hospital. -Are you down to recite that for us?
-Yes, absolutely. The psych ward says,
there is no need to worry. This asylum was built to help you. Just like the straps on the stretcher
that you rolled in on, we are going to keep them safe and secure. Notice the lock doors and
all the cameras perched in the corners like hawks,
we will be watching. This is all for you and your well-being. You're sick, anxious, depressed,
a danger to yourself. The state told us
to hold you for 72 hours, but if you sign this paper,
we can pretend your stay here this weekend is voluntary. Friday morning, you would be woken up
by strangers in white coats and clipboards. You'll be asked again and again
and again about why and how you want to kill yourself,
be honest. Remember you are only here for three days
so take advantage of the 5 to 10 minutes you have with the doctors
but understand he has a list of patients as long as his pay stub. You won't be receiving
any actual therapy while you're there, but we will recommend it as treatment
for after we let you out. Until then,
we want you to be comfortable. Sit back, enjoy the plastic furniture
and coloring books. We have old radios, with no antenna,
but the static is still loud enough to drown out the sound
of the woman screaming in 2B. That's just Cindy. She just does that sometimes. Well, she didn't always,
but she does now. Until we can find the right medication,
we are going to keep helping her just like we want to keep helping you,
if only you let us. It's Monday morning
and you haven't even tried the meds yet. You're still lying to us about holding
the knife to your arm like your parents haven't already told us everything. Just be honest and let us help you. Did I mention
that the state only recognizes the existence of psychiatric patients
Monday through Friday? Meaning the past 48 hours
you spent here didn't even count, meaning we still have time
for a breakthrough or a breakdown. This is a good thing. This means we still have time to help you. I can see that you're getting upset,
but do not walk away from me with tears streaming
and knuckles buried in palms. That type of body language is aggressive,
and we might have to do something about that. A sedative, maybe diazepam, perhaps. I don't think being alone
is best for you right now. Maybe you should spend time
with the other patients. Get to know how they got here. Listen to them when they tell you
you got lucky getting placed in this psych ward. We are one of the good ones
and we want you to stay here. We figure if we keep you long enough
maybe you'll eventually start to fit in, or maybe if we keep you locked up,
you'll eventually start to act out and we will be right here waiting
to prescribe you something to label you with the diagnosis. We didn't cause your social anxiety. We only heightened
what was already there. We just want to see you reach
your full potential as a patient. Remember, this asylum was built to help you. -Damn, that was absolutely incredible.
-Thank you. -Before we get deeper
into your story David, you wanted to mention
that your disabilities are not connected to a psychiatric ward. -I've been working for 45 years
on mental health. 2012 December, I fell getting my cat
in the loft and broke my neck. I can only move my arms. It affects my voice. Also, please use your closed captioning. -[chuckles]
Yes. Please use closed captioning
if you're having any trouble understanding David. How old were you
when you were first admitted? -The first time I was admitted
I was 22 years old. -29.
-19. -Do you feel comfortable walking us
through the events that led up to that? -I had been struggling
with depression for several years. When I started my second bachelor degree,
it became really bad, and I was having
really intense suicidal thoughts. It came to a point
where I decided to act on them, and I made an attempt on my life. Before I overdosed,
I called a crisis line. They didn't really help,
and so, I hung up. By that point, they had intuited
that I was going to do it. They were able to track my location
using my cell phone, and so, an ambulance arrived. "Okay, now you're going to be
admitted to the psychiatric ward." I was like, "Wait. Whoa.
Whoa. Whoa. No. I don't want that." When they tell you that you don't have
a choice in being there, I think there's even more of a fight
or flight response like, "No. I got to get out of here." -I finally landed a job that I liked. I suddenly got let go from that job. I had been dealing
with some mental health issues as well, depression and anxiety. I had a breakdown, and I went to try
and talk to my father about it. I wanted to get a reaction out of him,
and I wanted him to care. I made a threat. I had picked up a knife
and put it to my arm. I had no actual intentions
of hurting myself. I went upstairs to my room. I heard a knock on my door,
and I opened my door. There were three policemen lying to me,
telling me, "Come outside. We just want to talk to you. It's either go out willingly
or go out with handcuffs." -You made choice to go only
because you didn't want to be arrested. That's not choice. That's not like you voluntarily-- -They had me get into an ambulance,
and I was taken to one hospital. One of the nurses told me
that I was waiting to be transferred. That's how I found out
that I was being admitted. -I got scholarships to Harvard. I really wanted to achieve,
so the pressure was off the charts. I turned to a love of cannabis
and I became overwhelmed. I stopped sleeping. I thought the CIA was after me. I'd watch TV and think the individual
was talking just to me. Friends and my roommates
were very worried, so they brought me down to the infirmary. I was talking with a psychiatrist,
and he said, "Are you willing to go
to a psych facility?" In my super clever, super
[?] state, I said, "Yes. I'd be willing." They brought the ambulance. "Okay, David. Get in."
I said, "Ah. I'm willing to go, but I won't go." I thought I was funny,
but I do not recommend this approach. -Do not recommend this approach. -They quickly just took me
against my will. -Do you remember what it felt like walking
into that psychiatric ward for the first time,
seeing inside the walls? -You have security walking you up,
too, and they have to ask for the door to be unlocked. I was like, "Good, god.
Did I commit a crime or something?" There's a small communal area
where a lot of people were hanging out. All of the rooms were shared rooms. That was weird, too, wanting some privacy
from the trauma and what not of what just happened
but being with other people who were going through their own traumas. -[?] moments forcing
this psych drug on me. They said, "Will you take this?" I said, "Sure." I poured it on the floor. Within moments, I found out what happens. Technicians show up,
bring you to solitary confinement, hold you down on the mattress,
and inject you in the butt. I was in solitary for about three days. -Were you told
how they hoped to help you? -I saw my psychiatrist once a week,
which is not a lot when you're staying full-time
in an intensive psychiatric unit, and you're hoping to get out. You're hoping to get better and get out. -The one time in group
I really started to open and I was actually actively participating,
the therapist interrupted me and told me that we don't have enough time
for me to go into detail. -That's like the reason that you're there
to talk about these things and get better, at least that's what you were told. -It felt like there was no winning. -Were there any standout moments
from any of those experiences that show the extent
of the way that you were treated? -They blindfolded me in the ambulance. -That feels like a hostage situation,
almost. -Totally.
I don't understand why that happened. I've heard from other EMTs
that there's no way that that should have ever happened,
but it did. When I was in that psychiatric ward,
I was put into restraints on both my wrists and both my ankles. Once I was restrained,
they injected me with antipsychotics and a sedative. They brought me into an isolation room,
but it had a window. The other patients could walk by
and see what was going on. They called in six big men, basically,
both nurses and security members, to essentially pin me to the ground. They took off all my clothes
and they injected me again. They left me [chuckles]
and I was just banging on the door, screaming. People can walk by
and see me naked right now. I am so uncomfortable being
that stereotypical psychiatric patient, even though I feel it was very merited. -I feel like that's a warranted response
to the situation that just went down. -I was being seen
as the psychotic crazy patient. That's the picture that people have
in their head of crazy psychiatric ward patients. It was me, like me. I am sitting here speaking to you all,
hopefully conveying that I am a normal person,
just like anyone else, and that still happened to me. That's why sharing these stories
are important to humanize the people who access
these psychiatric care services. -All the people I met in the hospital
were regular people, and they just had
a really, really bad day. Nobody was there for them
in the way that they needed them to be there for them in that moment. -Now, looking back on it,
do you now feel like you were rightfully admitted for any reason? -I understand why I was there. The psych ward is really there
just to keep you safe. It's not really there to treat the underlying mental health struggles
that you're experiencing. It kept me safe
in a really critical time, but then when I left I was still suicidal. Then I was dealing with the shame
of what happened and the despair of feeling
like, okay, I ended up in a psychiatric hospital
and I still feel crappy. [music] -Were you encouraged
to express your emotions? -If I let these emotions out,
they're going to come to me with a list of medications
that they want me to take that they think will make me feel better. Too much emotion, they got concerned. If you show too little of emotion,
they got concerned. I tried to just keep this balance
of like I'm just going to say content. -We are dynamic where
you can't even get the help that's being offered
because of the way it's all set up. I was refusing to take medication
that they wanted me to take and they were like,
"Well, if you don't take this medication, we going to give you ECT,
electroconvulsive therapy." They were blackmailing you
with that to get me to take medication. Then they were also saying that,
"Well, you can't leave until you're taking this medication." -They were often not medicating effects
from the psych drugs. I knew intuitively
that I was like a cement. My brain research has proven us right. There are many studies,
the use of these drugs can cause frontal lobe shrinkage,
literally a chemical lobotomy, to be [?] to have a chemical lobotomy. [?] -You had the choice,
and you said, you know what? Fuck that.
-Yes, that was hopeless. -Before we continue learning
about the world of psych ward survivors-- How difficult was it for you to leave
the ward each time to escape? I'd like to take a quick intermission
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your first box at dailyharvest.com. Now, back to the world
of psych ward survivors. How difficult was it for you to leave
the ward each time, to escape? -They didn't like it
when I spoke like that. -If you used the word escape, they said, "You don't have to escape,
we will let you." -Well, no, it's more like,
"Oh, you're staying definitely then if you think you need
to escape from here." -The mere idea
that you want to escape means that you should stay?
-I guess so, I don't know. To escape it was very, very hard
because it's a locked ward and there is always the nursing staff
watching the door to leave. There was no way
you were ever going to sneak out. -How did you eventually leave each time?
-Discharged. I either convinced them
that I was well again [?] -When you say convinced
because it didn't actually mean that it was true. -I don't think there's really
any way that they can expect someone who is in a crisis point in terms
of their mental health when they go in to make
a full recovery in a few weeks. -While I was in the hospital questioning
why am I not leaving, my dad was at home calling trying
to get a hold of my caseworker, my psychiatrist, anybody,
to figure out why. That was one of the things that the doctor
did tell me is that the only way for me to pretty much be able to leave
is if my home environment wasn't good for me or if my parents
didn't feel comfortable with me coming back home, I would have to find
a new safe place to stay. I explained that to my dad
and I was just like, "You need to advocate for me to come home
or they're going to keep me here." -You could have potentially been there
for weeks or months or even years if you didn't have
any other place to go afterwards. -That's really something
that I was afraid of. -What kind of support were you given
once you were discharged? -Really nothing. One of my psychiatric wards stays
they made an appointment with a psychiatrist
a month down the road, but other than that,
there was no community connections made. It's really just you're discharged
with your bag of clothes and stuff and good luck. There are many studies that have confirmed
that people who are discharged from the hospital are
at the greatest risk of suicide in the two weeks
that follow that discharge. You're discharged without any supports,
it feels very hopeless. That is why a lot of people are like, "Well, I may as well kill myself
because I'm never going to get better." -Because these are people
that are being admitted possibly for wanting to harm themselves,
and then now they go through this traumatic experience,
maybe feeling like they lose a sense of their identity,
their autonomy, they feel just this complete lack
of control in their lives maybe even more so now than beforehand, and then they're being left
on their own afterwards when all those emotions
could have just amplified the feelings that they were feeling beforehand. -Totally, yes. -Do you feel like your experiences
are similar to all psych ward experiences? -There are people who have had
great experiences in psychiatric wards. People in my life or friends that I've met
through mental health care advocacy who look at psychiatric wards
as a safe place to go. There is a very wide range of experiences
of psychiatric wards, and mine is not indicative of everyones. -Do you think that the difference
there may lie in the fact that you were involuntarily admitted
while some other people who may experience
or have a good experience were voluntarily admitted? -I think if you are there of your own free
will of your own abolition and you are a voluntary patient, I think that creates
a much more cooperative dynamic where you are there asking
these professionals for their help. -What types of things do you think
could be done to ensure that people have a positive experience? -I think there needs to be
some turnaround with the staff. A lot of the staff and the nurses
are there for a paycheck and they're not actually there
for the well-being of the patients. If you're choosing to do this job,
it should come with a certain expectation and a certain amount of patience
and a certain amount of care. -Having more
of a cooperative patient-led experience is really missing to take ownership
over their health and wellness and to work with the resources
that are potentially provided in a psychiatric ward to get
to a more stable place where they can then work
on that in the community too hopefully with resources
that the hospital will connect them with. -Nyah wants to know
if being in the psych ward did any good or if for you
it just worsened your mental health? -When I fell,
I had time before the ambulance. I felt the paralysis creeping up. Even then,
I was looking for the silver lining. My blackouts opened my eyes
to the oppressed. I have [?] lifetime. I'm now working closely
with thousands of folks who are amazing. -If there's anyone watching
who feels like they might need help but are understandably a little nervous
about possibly being admitted into a psychiatric ward, is there anything
you want to say to them? -If you are in a period of crisis
and you need that immediate support, please do go to the hospital. Like I said, they are going to be able
to help keep you safe, and hopefully, at least provide
some bare minimum services, such as access
to a psychiatrist and a therapist. Do not be afraid while you're
in the psychiatric ward to advocate for yourself. Advocate for the care that you need. Ask for help getting care
within the community. -All right, you got five seconds
to shout out or promote anything you want directly into the camera. Go.
-If you want to find out more about my experiences in psychiatric wards or just living
with schizophrenia disorder, check out our YouTube channel Living Well
with Schizophrenia. -I've started a consulting business [?]
or email me [?] -And the Psych Ward Says,
it is filled with poems and stories and journals
from my experience. You can get it
at my website anitadpoetry.com. -As soon as I checked out
Anthony's work, I subscribed. -[laughs] -Everyone do that. [chuckles] -Thank you, David.
Thank you. Well, there you have it. I spent the day
with psych ward survivors. I feel like I understand the state
of mental healthcare in this country at least a little bit more. While every experience
at a psychiatric ward will be completely unique based
on individual circumstances and the facility itself, it's obvious to me that the way
some people are treated could certainly use some adjustment. For instance, more focus on communicating and connecting
with individuals to respectfully help them cope
with their emotions. If you are in need for help,
I highly encourage you to seek it. I'll include some links down
in the description that can hopefully be helpful
in pointing you in the right direction. [music] -I think it just makes it
a little bit more of an approachable topic
if you inject a bit of humor into it while still getting an accurate depiction
of what it's been like. -I was trying to inject humor into it
by making a joke about injecting. [laughs]
-[laughs] [?].
-I know. I know. I tried,
and I couldn't think of anything.
This man's content looks like the electronic manifestation of cancer
I love this video I watched it some months back
Was in one as a kid, was massively overperscribed Ritalin for my ADD and ended up suicidal because of it. Spent 2 weeks in a ward being held down by orderlies while forcibly having multiple vials of my blood drawn every other day to ensure that I was taking my meds... And doctors still wonder why I have a fear of needles...
what the fuck is this sensationalising shite
I’ve been in several mental hospitals, this is just total bs. I have had negative and positive experiences. I dislike it when Psych patients capitalize on sensationalism. Lauren’s YouTube channel is annoying