-This show is sponsored
by BetterHelp online therapy. Visit betterhelp.com/Padilla
because sometimes existing is exhausting. My name is Anthony Padilla,
and today I'll be spending a day with ex-K-pop idols to learn the truth about becoming an idol
and what it takes to leave it all behind. By the end of this video, we'll find out
if the industry's strict regiments are as torturous as rumors suggest, how forbidden romantic relationships
really are, and what a painstaking lawsuit to break
a multi-year contract really looks like. Was K-pop stardom nothing
but a dream come true or was the rigid and restrictive lifestyle they were forced to maintain
too isolating and bleak for them to ever enjoy the success
that they achieved? [music] Hello, Bekah. -Hi, Anthony. -Jeongnim. -Hello. -Christine. -Hi, how are you doing? -I feel like there are two sides of what people imagine
a K-pop idol lifestyle to be like. On one hand, there's this perception that it's a dream come true
and nothing else, there's no negative to it at all. Then on the other side, this torturously,
stringent environment where you have almost
no autonomy over yourself, your image, almost no free will. Where do you think
your experience landed on that spectrum? -I think I would fall in the middle, but a little bit more
towards not having freedom and just the materialistic and idealistic things
that a K-pop idol is. -Chasing dreams always has its charges I guess. In terms of environment,
it may be torturous, but as for me, it felt like a part of responsibility. -It wasn't in the middle,
but maybe like 70% or something. -It's slightly leaning
toward not the best experience? -It was a pretty hard experience. -What do you think
the biggest misconception is about K-pop idols? -It's super glamorous. You don't get privacy. You don't get time. You don't get to do a lot of things
that a lot of normal people would do at their age. -What K-pop group were you a member of
and how long were you a member? -I was a part of After School. We debuted in January 2009,
and then I exited in 2011. -I was part of a group
called Blady or B-lady. I was actively promoting
from 2013 to 2015. -Since 2011, for 8 years,
I was in an idol group named Boyfriend. [music] -What was the process
like of getting chosen to become an idol? -I went to a model casting company and auditioned to become a trainee, was my first step. A 3-hour sleep was an average night sleep. It felt quite like a survivor betting all in for a dream that felt so far away. -Had you already been performing
a bunch at that time? -I'm nothing. [laughter] -You weren't a performer at all? You just had a dream
to do it and then you did it. -Yes. -I did a global audition for a survival show
called K-pop Star - Season 2. Probably one
of the most nerve-wracking auditions because you're literally in front
of the highest CEOs in K-pop and also you're being recorded
to go on national television. -I was at a church volleyball tournament and then all of a sudden the scout came. I guess they thought I was cute. -Had you ever performed before that? -Never. To be honest, I was super shy. -What was it about you that made them
think that you would want to become an entertainer?
-I don't know. Maybe they saw something or they didn't,
they just wanted to take a chance. -Damn, well, they were right, apparently, because then you became an idol
and you killed it. -They did a great job. Thank you. -Do you remember the moment
when you found out that you were going to have
a spot in a group? -Went to the audition and they're like,
"Hey, can you stay for like 5 minutes. We just want to talk about some things. Okay, we decided that we really want you
in the group and the company." As soon as I heard that, I was like,
"Wait, this is not what I was expecting." I was totally thrown off guard. As soon as the audition ended, they asked me if I can go
to a recording studio. "Oh, we want to see
how your voice would sound." I just remember being super nervous because I'd never heard my voice
through a recording studio and through a mic. -I wish we had that audio
to play it right now. -I don't think so. Not me. I wish that audio is not there. I do not want to think about the moment.
-This is wonderful without music? -Yes, oh no. -I actually did a second audition,
did dancing and singing, and then he was just like,
"We'll see you in Korea." -He just said we'll see you in Korea. -That year on Christmas eve,
we landed in Korea. [music] -Then you started training
to become part of this group. -Being a trainee is very nerve-wracking because you don't know
when they're going to cut you. -Really? Yu could completely lose your job
at any moment when you're still a trainee because it's not contractually inked?
-Yes. Most companies with trainees, they actually have
another audition monthly and they'll do evaluations. They're seeing if you're getting better
or if you have improved. -What was the basic day-to-day schedule
for you during that time? -We were in the rehearsal room
for at least 10 hours a day. To me, it was really fun. It didn't feel like,
"Oh, a 10-hour shift?" -Around six months to one year, I woke up early in the morning. I went to the company, vocal training, two hours after, dancing, two hours later, Japanese and Chinese. Camera testing. Busy day. -Our training hours are pretty insane. I remember towards the end
where if we're preparing to come back with a song or debut with a song, everybody would go home
around 3:00 or 4:00 because we would just be practicing. -3:00 or 4:00 AM?
-Yes. -Then you would wake up the next day
and start again at 8:00? -Yes. -Where was the time to sleep
or exist as you within that timeframe? -In the beginning,
it was super hard for me. Obviously, I'm not used to using my body
like that for many hours. My body,
it's more sore than going a gym day. -More sore than a leg day? -More sore than a leg day.
-Wow. -I remember for me, too, there was one day
we had to go to practice but I had such bad period cramps. I remember asking the company like, "Hey, is it okay if I rest
a little bit today?" Then they'll be like, "Do you think
other K-pop idols would rest?" -It sounds similar
to the way that many women are treated all over, all the time,
every day. -I remember being just very heavy. Then you would have
to wear white clothes. I remember being so self-cautious
and constantly asking my members like, "Hey, am I good? You see anything?"
-We good? -Yes, it's crazy. -Did you feel any pressure to look or act a certain way
while you were in the group? -There's a unsaid or unspoken rule of the ideal way a female
should weigh in the K-pop industry. As soon as you go into the company,
we would have to weigh ourselves, and then there'll be a log
of all of our body weights. -Is that every day?
-Yes, that's the first thing you do. They'll see how your weight
is fluctuating, if it's the same, if you're losing weight. I remember you would get
in trouble if you gained weight. They're like,
"We're feeding you guys just a salad and what you guys are supposed to eat." Your personal trainers,
"Why are you guys gaining weight? This is so not healthy, not the way
that you should be losing weight." -I was trying to be this person
that I wasn't. I was on a diet a lot. I was trying to fit that mold
because we're a rookie group and everything has to look apart. -Do you think you were affected at all
by the beauty standards of the industry? -Of course. You get influenced
by what you're surrounded with, right? -Absolutely. -All the messaging and all this stuff,
it's like, "Beauty, beauty, beauty, beauty, beauty." For me at the time,
I had such an unhealthy state. It wasn't helping me. -The whole image that they had or they want you
to be is just unrealistic. They want you to be skinny, but they also want you to be curvy
in a way, too. Then they'll just be like, "Oh yes, you got to wear
certain butt pads." -Would they have you wear padding? -Yes, they would. I guess I'm exposing a couple
of secrets from other K-pop idols, but my company did encourage us to do certain things
like laser hair removal, or in some cases,
plastic surgery for some people. It's just put on to you. You don't really have an option,
or you can't really say no. I remember at one time, they actually wanted me
to do white tanning. I could do white tanning, or you could lighten
your foundation shade, or you could get these vitamin C shots. I'll just be like,
"I'll lighten my foundation shades." I would realize
that I was a little bit darker or a little bit different. Even though I was Korean
and I was Korean American, I definitely felt like an outcast. -Were there any things
that the company asked you to do that caught you off guard? -We were B-lady or Blady,
and guess what the B stands for? -Beautiful. -That could work. That could work. It was supposed to be blood-type-B girl. -Blood type?
-Yes. I remember at the time,
they asked me what my blood type was. -Are you a fucking vampire? Bro, what? -I was like, "Oh, yes, I'm blood type A." Then they were like, "Oh, okay. Then don't don't tell anybody
that you're blood type A. Our concept as a group is going
to be blood type B girls." In the Asian culture,
we're very highly of blood types. I guess blood type B girls
are very like chic, confident. -Sounds like horoscopes in the west. -In the west it's more about horoscopes. In the Asian culture
it's about blood types. I just remember thinking, "Well,
I have to lie about my whole identity to be in this group. Is it even right?" I felt bad lying about it. -Were you allowed to date or have romantic relationships
during this period? -We barely had time to eat, so dating would never have fit our schedule. We didn't have any pressure from the company about this. Mostly, our career and position is based on our fans, so we are a bit cautious about this issue. -You were in Boyfriend,
but felt like you couldn't be a boyfriend. -I just want to be a Boyfriend. -[laughs] You wanted to be in Boyfriend and be a boyfriend? -Yes. -I just remember the company
would say, "Just don't get caught." -What? Sorry, they say it's okay to date, but don't get caught?
-Yes. They'd just be like,
"If you're going to date, don't get caught by us." -They would say don't get caught by us,
not don't get caught by someone else. They're giving you permission,
as long as you don't get caught by them. That's bizarre. -There is a lot of secret dating
and you date mostly at night because, obviously, our schedules are
jam-packed during the day. We would go to a little bit outside
of Seoul and then we would date around night time. -Well, you actually had to go
to a different city to date? -We'd go to 24-hour cafes
in the middle of nowhere. -Because what would have happened
if a fan saw you and snapped a picture? -Idols are like products. You're their biggest asset
and you're their moneymakers. If you start dating,
the fans will sometimes leave you. I think that's the thing that the companies are the most scared of. That's the reason why I feel like dating
in the idol scene is just not accepted, or I don't think it's ever going
to be accepted. -How did things change
once you started performing and recording songs and music videos? -When we have music show programs,
it's two to three minutes. Sometimes you might perform
your whole song, but if you are a rookie group and you just debuted and your company
is not as big, they might even cut your song. Basically, you're putting in like eight,
nine hours a day of work for this two minutes
of performing on stage. I remember you would be so excited
to go on stage and then after you perform, you're like, "Okay, well, that was fast." -Did you ever feel like you were
a prisoner to your contract? Before we continue learning
about the world of ex-K-pop idols-- -You're manipulated more
than you think you are. In this situation,
it might feel like they're benefiting you, but in the end, it's not. You're just being used or just a product. -Hold on one second. I know you're tempted
to skip through this, but I have a very important,
very quick announcement that I spent a day
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at betterhelp.com/padilla. That's better H-E-L-P.com/padilla. Now, back to the world of ex-K-pop idols. Did you ever feel like you were
a prisoner to your contract? -Many times they were guilty
in certain situations. They'll be like, "Well, in the contract it says that you have to do
this and this." I think everything goes down to the paper. When trainees signed these contracts
to become idols, I don't think they're really looking
at these contracts. You're looking more
towards the dream and the vision, not the paperwork. Once you realize, you're like
"Oh man, this contract is my life." Ask for a contract
in your guys' respective language. -Wait, did you not get a contract
in your native language? -Mine was in Korean. -You weren't able to go over every detail? -Fully understand it. -When did you start realizing
that you wanted to leave the group. -My dieting and all that stuff,
I just couldn't take it anymore. Then, mentally, I was just like,
"I don't know how to control this. I don't know myself enough
to create boundaries." People think I got kicked out
or there was an argument or anything. It was not that. It wasn't that cool. It was certainly more like-- -You didn't match into the office
of the CEO and say, "I am done," and so is your contract?
-No. -The contract that we had and that most idols have
is that they have to give you an estimate of how much revenue you had
or income or profit, and they would give you a rundown. I remember receiving it
and being in total shock because we were in so much debt. I was like, "I don't think
I could ever make money being here." Idols, when they're rookie,
you don't really get a say of what type of music color
or concept you would want to do. You got to follow through with it. I remember there was a couple of times
when I'm like, "Oh, I really don't want
to promote this song." I felt like, for me,
the song wasn't that great, or I knew that it wasn't going to do well,
or this song is really like a no cringe. It's ironic because you're doing something
that you don't want to do, but at the same time you're the one
that is getting more in debt. In the end of the day, it is a profession. It is a job. I am doing it because I love to sing
and dance and perform. I snapped backed into my senses and just thought like,
"I can't live like this." -Were you talking to other people
in the group about this? Was this like a mutual group conversation? -I think it may have caught them
by surprise. I didn't know how to talk to people,
or share my feelings, or express myself. -Oh, so you're like everyone
in their early 20s? -I was like that. One day they found out
and it was bittersweet. -I remember, for a couple of months,
I would talk with my members and they would be,
"What are we going to do? We're in so much debt." I think we just saw it as a opportunity
to just leave because we didn't see a future like we saw when we first came
into the company. -Do you remember the moment when you officially declared
that you'd be leaving? -Thankfully, our team didn't go through any conflict or difficulty with our company. We ask you look forward to our solo project as well as each member has so many talents. -We had several meetings to see what we could do, but in the end they respected my decision. They threw me a party. I had a graduation photo shoot with my members. I don't have angry or bitter feelings. -I filed a lawsuit and it actually took over two years. Obviously, we couldn't come
to a negotiation. Then I think
from there the lawsuit just started. I was thinking on that. I'm going to be saving more time
if I go through with this lawsuit. -How did you feel immediately
after leaving? -I have been loved for a long time. I think, "Can I do well?" That's what I thought. -Like Hmong,
in Korean it just means you're like-- -[laughs] What is that? Were you coming back to earth? -I was like, "What do I do? That was my world." -Two years later, I'm like, "Man, I'm still wasting time. I haven't settled anything
with this company." The judges were like,
"It's just best to leave." We did win the lawsuit, but it wasn't refreshing. It was just like,
"Oh, we won the lawsuit. Yay."
-There was more like yay. -Shut that book. Moving on to the next. -Did you have any coping mechanisms
that helped you get through this time? -I disassociated a lot back then. -I was once part of comedy. You guys know Smosh. I was part of this group
called Smosh comedy group. For the year or two leading up
to the moment that I left, I was completely just on autopilot. It just didn't feel
like it was mine anymore. It felt like it was something
that was completely out of my control. It was so deeply frustrating that I almost felt
like I couldn't deal with it. I feel like that feeling
of being so overly trapped in this environment that just doesn't feel like it makes sense
for you anymore, it's sometimes just natural
to completely dissociate. -For me, I just felt
like something doesn't seem right. I was just like, "I need to take care
of myself." -You didn't talk about your experiences
for a decade? -I was still processing
during those 10 years, and I still am in certain things. I haven't arrived. I'll never arrive. I think I can definitely say it
a lot better than before. -What kind of things do you think that you were processing
over those 10 years? -My identity. Who am I? What am I good at? What am I not good at? What do I want to do next? Do I really like art? What about my life? What will I do now? I think during those 10 years, I was just wandering in my desert and growing in character and as a person. -Many people have disdain
for the companies behind K-pop and feel like they're greedy
and manipulative, which is why they boycott
and do things like that. How true do you think that is? -A lot of fans will support the idols, but they don't like how these companies
are working these idols. They'll have boycotts for the company
and the company does see advantages and takes opportunities. I won't say use the fans, but they know that they're always going
to be there and very loyal. I do feel like there is manipulation up
to some point. Later on when you start
to figure things out, things that are shady, everything just comes back at once
and you're just seeing all of the things that the company is doing
that is so wrong. -Sometimes it takes stepping away
from a situation to be able to take the blindfold off and see
what the situation was really like, what the other person in that situation was really up to, what their motives were. -Yes, most of the time you don't realize you're manipulated
more than you think you are. In this situation, they might feel
like they're benefiting you, but in the end, it's not. You're just being used. You're just a product. -What do you think
a healthier K-pop industry looks like? -Really taking
into consideration idols' mental health. If they need a break to recover,
really listen to them and hear them out. If idols get that, I feel like the situations will be
so much better. -We talked a lot about the negative side
of many these things, but what brought you the most joy
about what you're doing? -Every time a dream came true, every stage with all our fans standing beside us listening to our songs and dancing with us. -Definitely seeing your fans. They really encouraged me
when I was so down. It's just really sweet. The people. -I think it's the people
that you meet through it. I met so many great friends that have interest
in similar hobbies as I do. You get to visit different countries, interact with people
that you would have never interacted with. -How has your life changed most
since leaving? -I've been able to focus on music and I had more time to travel. -My mental health is definitely
a lot better. Just going through everything that I did,
I wouldn't change it for anything because I feel like I grew
so much as a person. -Everything. I work, I have to pay my bills, but now I'm making music after work. -Do you feel like it's impacted you
in a positive way, having to do that thing that you resisted? -It just came to the point
where I had to face it. After everything that I would face, it became easier
to go head-on with my fears. -What are you working on now? -I am working on music with The Brewz. -Can you play a quick clip? -Okay, sure. Here we go. -Hit it. [music] -Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Damn.
-That's it. -She's back.
-Thank you. -Currently, I'm working on a music video after I joined a new company CROSS PHASE. Also for our Boyfriend fans, a mini album is coming out this December. Thank you all for waiting the 3 years gap. -Do you have a clip
from your new music that we can listen to? -Of course. -All right, let's do it. [music] -Bring it in. Round of applause, Jeongnim. -Thank you so much. I love you. -Thank you. All right, you got five seconds
to shoutout to promote anything you want directly in the camera. Go. -I want to give a big shoutout to best friend
for always being there for me. I love Christmas. I love best friend, boyfriend. -Thank you guys so much
for liking Anthony, and thank you The Brewz, my co-producers. Please follow me on Instagram
so you can have all the updates. -I'm Soobeanie. Obviously, we talked about the backsides of the K-pop industry
during my experience. If you guys are interested,
don't forget to like, comment and subscribe to my channel. -Anthony Padilla, [korean language] -Well, there you have it,
I spent a day with ex-K-pop idols. I feel like I understand the world
of the K-pop industry a little more. While every single idol's experience is going to be vastly different
depending on which company they're with,
what label they're with, what age they were
when they joined the industry, many endure invisible pressures and workloads
that can be unbearably exhausting and even parasitic. There may be more to any situation
than what appears on the surface. [music] Virgo squad, what's up? What? -Virgo squad. -What? You too? -I'm a Virgo. -Oh, shit. Virgo squad, what's up? -We just had a connection. -Oh my god. We just had a connection. I don't believe in any of that shit,
but we still had a connection.
hmm. i think by its nature, you're going to have a biased view on the industry through videos like these. idols who have had a good experience aren't going to go on these sorts of videos. it's telling that jeongmin, who was in his group for eight years, had a lot less to say than Christine and bekah who were in their groups for a much shorter length of time. idols who have had a good experience are much less likely to talk about what the industry is like, and if they do, people are going to believe that they're lying or covering up the real truth.
I'm not trying to say that the industry is amazing, or even good, we all know that on average it's shit, but i do think that's this is important to keep in mind before we start pointing at these sorts of videos to use as definitive proof that the industry is bad.
Anthony is going worldwide now?? i hope he will interview more kpop related people….
Not relate to the content of the video but leaving Smosh are the best decision for Anthony. Smosh was fun while it last (and mainly because of him) but I can tell he's having a hard time and burned out. It's good now he finally got to do his own stuff and most of video are really interesting.
this is so random