I Solved Poverty With Meteors

poor people what can we do with them I've got an idea today we're playing diplomacy is not an option it's a game based on three simple premises you have money and no matter what they tell you you do not have to share it with the local heroin addicts in fact if they so much as look in your general direction it is perfectly acceptable to flatten them with a trebet our goal is to expand our Empire and survive 100 days but with each passing day our drug adult neighbors become increasingly violent and deranged can we Leverage The military-industrial Complex to subjugate the poor or will they destroy society and cannibalize us there's only one way to find out but first a word from our sponsor this video is officially sponsored by rage Shadow Legends a game with an impressive collection of over 700 Champions with my favorite being Queen Eva and now I have the ultimate pleasure of introducing you to Professor death knight good luck Professor death night here with a lesson about live Arena the new PVP mode where you can fight against other players in in real time live Arena has a draft feature where you can pick and ban Champions to fight for you when you win matches you'll get live Arena crests towards unlocking special area bonuses all right class any questions oh Jesus Christ yeah I uh I have one I have a question oh God why okay no for real what is your favorite walk out music for The Arena it's got to be upbeat High Tempo like a song that really pumps Up the Jam sorry you know I'm like a thousand years old right yes I could tell thank you Professor death knight that will be all all right if you've made it this far you deserve a reward so new players can use the promo code on screen to receive a skin for stag knite I think it looks nice and it was designed by JonTron this is available until October 7th and for everyone else you can unlock legendary champion sunwu Kong by simply logging in on seven different days between now and October 23rd finally use the link in the description to receive this this this and this simply amazing thank you raid now back to the video now I'm not going to lie I've attempted this challenge several times before and each time it ended something like this man [ __ ] this game [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] but I've learned from my mistakes and I will no longer fall victim to esoteric game mechanics such as starvation so let's begin we choose the Labyrinth of pain this map is known for having plenty of rock formations that will annoy the ever living [ __ ] out of me whenever I try to build literally anything but they also create choke points which allow my trets to do this [Music] as I was saying day one we load in with a lovely castle and a few units of archers we are also greeted by a man with a surprising lack of eyeballs who informs us that we are going to die but we should take some solace in the fact that we can take thousands of illiterate peasants with us by putting up a good fight I like this guy we did some scouting to find the so is almost entirely protected by rock formations with the West being forested and the East being mostly Plains which will make it good for building now the economy of this game is very simple there are six resources wood Stone iron food population and most importantly Gold by building workshops such as Lumber Mills our loyal servants will chop down trees process them into planks and then carry them to a stockpile honestly it reminds me of Stronghold Crusader and my countless memories of the caleff repeatedly sodomizing me in the desert and that makes me smilee dog you are losing us this war now there's nothing quite like slowly draining the resources from your surrounding like some kind of parasite but everything is finite which means we're going to have to expand outward and possibly relocate the native population and by relocate I mean we'll be taking them from their current position to a mass grave I split my forces up and did some exploring to find plenty of shanty towns where the peasants like to congregate and compete to see who can smoke the most PCP we need this land for building houses so I spent the next couple of days using a catapult to negotiate the terms of their surrender following this we secured some Stone built a residential w and rushed an upgrade to our Castle which provides us access to new units and more resilient defenses but before we could build either I received a notification that my aggressive expansionism had angered a group of locals and a peasant mob was currently on route to kill me now as much as I'd like to become acquainted with the feeling of having a rake lodged in my skull I'd actually rather be alive so I decided to build a wooden Tower and fill it with archers not long after the peasants were upon us they filtered out of the forest like feral beasts and began attacking our guard Tower we responded by launching rocks the size of microwaves directly at their heads in fact it's around this time a critical flaw of the peasant brain is illuminated that is their undying and rabid hatred for any form of architecture their building blood lust is so severe that they would rather spend the final moments of their life slamming their face against a wooden Tower rather than walking an additional 10 ft and destroying a nearby catapult which is currently pulverizing them and that my friends is what makes them peasants and US Kings with the first wave now defeated we expanded our stock piles built some fisheries and constructed a city Fountain wet this building provides a buff to nearby houses and if you achieve anything less than 100% coverage with it I will personally kill you I continued my war on poverty by demolishing several homeless camps to the South but my progress was stifled when I encountered what the LGBT community would refer to as a bear and much like a Burly homosexual man he wanted to pound my ass clearly The Peasants are evolving and this is a problem that can only be solved with violence in order to counteract the raw Sexual Energy radiating from these homeless freaks I decided to expand our military with some axemen and healers after repelling a few more enemy raids we were on day 12 and the kingdom was expanding nicely we have a hospital a Tavern and several walls that I just forgot to finish actually this is a learning opportunity because whenever you play a game like this you will inevitably manifest several stages of grief just in the wrong order it all starts with denial I'm surrounded by murderous Psychopaths but they wouldn't hurt me then bargaining okay okay maybe I should build some walls but really I'm going to expand here eventually so the wall should go there but if it goes there it may as well go here which is basically all the way over there this mentally ill series of rationalizations ultimately results in you deciding that the only acceptable defensive formation looks something like this naturally you never build these walls because your profound disconnect with reality causes you to lose the game on day 18 when you get attacked from two sides neither of which have any protection whatsoever which is when you finally manifest anger and quit the game so in short it's time to build some godamn walls here's the plan little walls here here and here big walls here here and here now that's easier said than done because despite my best efforts to keep the peasants illiterate they have somehow managed to construct their own catapults which they are now using to temporarily and painfully invert gravity in a localized area around my archers truly the arms race has begun but luckily we are winning because I've just produced five treets with a buff to their AOE NE needless to say it has never been a worst time to be a grass eating Savage living in the ghetto anyway we got to work on making some new walls and we're going to need them because it's now day 19 and we're about to be attacked from two sides at once the left side has most of a wall and the right side has like a tower I guess so I took four trebet to the right side and created a very compelling argument for not coming within 50 ft of my castle the rest of my soldiers went to the left and tried to hold the peasants in this bottleneck here it was difficult but every so often a trishe would splash down and take out like 60 attackers which certainly helped the battle actually lasted over 24 hours but by day 20 it was over and we had single-handedly reduced local unemployment by 100% by simply killing the jobless truly my approval ratings are at an all-time high by this point our keep is now fully upgraded and we can finally produce my favorite unit Hammer guys I know they appear to be some kind of evolutionary transition state between a man who has legs and one who does not but they're quite good they're tanky they take performance-enhancing drugs and they're basically the ultimate life form personally watching a hammer guy absolutely devastate 50 junkies at a time is fantastic and it brings great meaning into my life it's now day 31 our walls are complete thus forming our first layer of defense against the chronically unemployed we may expand outward at some point but right now we're just focused on solidifying our position because every few days the raids become larger better equipped and eventually they'll be attacking us with 10,000 units in every direction in order to prepare for this I did a little testing to determine the best unit for pacifying marginalized groups and I've determined it to be this little fellow I've always known trebet were good but I've just realized how good because by placing one in a tier three Tower we can take a unit with an already ridiculous range and increase it another 35% thus allowing it to mangle confused Farmers from over a kilometer away this is basically the medieval equivalent of drone striking our enemies and I absolutely love it furthermore I can manually target areas for bombardment to produce a creeping barrage when this is happening I can say with 100% certainty that you won't be making it from here to here without undergoing a catastrophic rearrangement of your Anatomy given this I believe trebet is to be the Pinnacle of combat Engineering in fact you may be familiar with the scientific phenomena where every species is slowly evolving into crabs well based on this I'd say that every crab is slowly evolving into a trebet needless to say I'm now going to be devoting 95% of my military budget towards producing hundreds of these war machines it's now day 40 and things are going well we've built some Stables to produce Cavalry units and a university to allow us to research magic but most importantly a whopping 23% of our population is now trebuchet and I have no regrets because we're about to get hit by another wave I was a little concerned because the past few attacks have spawned in two armies but the game is telling me there's only one coming this time and that's because this one Army is [ __ ] massive they flooded in from the West thousands upon thousands of Pitchfork wielding delinquents even with 40 trichet working around the clock it took us 3 days of non-stop violence to finally finish the wave after the first day I just had to ignore it and start doing other things but if this is how the rest of the Waves scale we may be in some trouble luckily I have a trick up my sleeve you may have noticed whenever we demolish the homeless shelters they drop these funny little crystals you're probably thinking hm they look important and you would be right because these are the crystallized Souls that we have harvested from the vagrants who used to live in the this little tent Village I didn't want to tell you about this earlier because it kind of makes me seem like a bad guy but harnessing The Souls of the poor is tremendously helpful because it allows us to use spells this one summons in death Knights this is an orbital ion beam and by building a giant Monument to a certain death God we can use this one it summons a meteor that kills everything for the past 40 days I've been carefully collecting souls and saving them I know you want to judge me for this but reaping The Souls of the poor to wield occult Powers is and always has been the foundation of every World Government I mean think about it it's been how many thousand years and we still haven't solved homelessness it's a godamn soul farm and no one's asking questions anyway I'm going to stop talking about this before a Massad agent kicks down my door and puts a grenade in my mouth so my plan is to offset the increasing difficulty with a proportional amount of meteorological phenomena I don't know how long our soul supplies will last but for the time being we should be okay apart from practicing the dark arts we've also made some exciting Agri cultural advancements on day one we were surrounded by a beautiful Lush Forest that same Forest is now neatly stacked in my stockpiles so it's time to fix that I know earlier I said we had finite resources but I am a bastard and I lied because we are about to spit in the face of thermodynamics by creating infinite trees all we have to do is place a few Woodsman huts and they'll run around planting trees which we can then chop down by striking the right balance of lumberjacks to woodsmen we will have a constant and indefinite supply of wood we can then take this one step further by totally ruining the world economy several weeks ago I built a Marketplace we can use it to exchange Resources with other kingdoms and this little Zeppelin will fly off and complete the trade it's very cute but also very powerful because by forcing these deals to go through my infinite wood can become infinite food Stone iron and gold and thankfully so because by day 45 most of the resources in our borders have dried up it's now day 50 and a few things about my base design have become clear first this wall is lovely it's spacious and very easy to hold because all of the smelly transients become profoundly confused by this rock formation and I can smoke them in the face as they attempt to navigate its intricacies this wall is lonely no one comes here and with each passing day I regret spending 3,000 Stone to build it finally this wall is an absolute bastard I don't really know why but the game just loves hammering me over and over again in this exact location every wave I bring down three meteors on these filthy little men and still they they persist The Assault on day 57 really highlighted this issue because I was diverting so many trichet to handle the corner from hell that the rest of my base was starting to falter I've been using my soldiers to try to fill the gaps but every time one of them dies I experience a catatonic breakdown because I'm trying to save them for later and watching this number go down is remarkably stressful so clearly we need a better solution obviously more trebs but to be able to afford them I had to expand into this area it's worth it though because from this position we can spawn Camp The Peasants as they load into the map is this a dirty tactic is it cheating does it possibly make me bisexual yes to all of the above but I'm not going to stop because we still have 40 more days to go also it's worth noting that a few of our soldiers have died in recent conflicts and their rotting bodies are starting to stink the place up so I built a graveyard to get rid of them now I'm going to tell you something that I wish someone told me it might seem like placing a graveyard near the front line is a good idea because that's where all the bodies are however when that graveyard is inevitably destroyed by a band of insane chromagnon men all 200 bodies that were buried there will become zombies and they will kill you this happened to me in a previous save and I almost cried so graveyards in the back now I'd like to say we have really entered into something of a Renaissance by day 61 yes we are being invaded by seven armies at once and it is terrifying but by carefully abusing certain financial markets we have managed to make 98 trebuchets which now account for 38% of our entire population truly we live in a Gilded Age imagine being so clouded by jealousy that you even attempt to resist the beauty and Splendor that is King Reginald's Empire I used to think these people belonged in cages but now I weep for their lost souls for they know not what they do as with any Renaissance ours was marked by several great scientific advancements for example we researched Advanced Soul stealing which allows us to extract Souls from inanimate objects such as enemy catapults this is very important for maintaining the so economy we also researched boiling oil now all of our walls are capable of some basic level of self-defense by simply dumping a few gallons of scalding grease on their attackers this might not seem like a big deal but if you're an inattentive piece of [ __ ] like me then this is a very big deal because there's nothing worse than your entire Army being over here only for some jackass with a gardening tool to start his career in freelance demolition all the way over here but now that same Jackass has third de re burns on 100% of his body and I don't feel bad at all finally I tried using some horse archers because I know just how good they are in Mountain blade turns out not so good in this game I mowed through the next couple of waves without much trouble and it may seem like we've got this in the bag but after several failed attempts at this challenge I've realized the difference between losing a wall and losing the game is very small and if the peasants get past even our first layer of Defense they could destroy our farms and starve us to death so we can't afford to become too complacent by day 75 things were starting to get difficult again despite having over 120 trebuchets firing at them The Peasants were just forcing their way in I felt like the manager of a Best Buy on Black Friday and it was stressing me out there has to be at least 15,000 of them by this point and there's only so much punishment a stone wall can take thankfully I managed to pacify The Crowd by calling down the entire solar system on their heads once the wave was over I decided to renovate the battlefield by coating it in roadside bombs I don't know what's in these little land mines but whenever a peasant steps on them they explode for 200 AOE damage for reference a peasant has 10 hit points so it's safe to say that this Minefield could be considered hazardous to one's health I also started using a couple baste for one reason and one reason alone this tool tip says they're manned by children and child soldiers are very on brand for me so I simply couldn't ignore it apart from that oh they're all right day 86 another wave of maniacal thugs is inbound I brought the depths of of my depravity to Bear against my asants but they marched through my minefields without so much as flinching and it terrified the poor children walls crumbled Towers decimated and my poor baby boy they killed him fortunately I have 148 others but things are getting out of control so I decided to start doubling the walls in an effort to slow my attackers down if we are going to make it to day 100 it's going to be by the momentum of our dead body sliding past the finish line but that would still count so we fight on it's now day 93 and the the second last wave is upon us the South Wall holds thanks to our spawn camping technique the north does fairly well due to the terrain but even with double walls the East Side gets absolutely pounded I even had to bring the military oat to prevent The Peasants from pouring through the gaps and cannibalizing my Farmers it was getting pretty concerning but a few well-placed meteors managed to quell the Rebellion now technically the next wave isn't until day 1001 so we could easily survive to day 100 and call the challenge complete but personally I think that would be pathetic and kind of cringe so we're going to take the attack on day 101 as our final test and for this final test I have studied very hard more Mine Fields more military and even triple walls yeah I had to deconstruct the hospital to afford these bad boys but there is no price too high in my kingdom our standing army is now 300 units strong and I've also added these guys they're basically just explosive barrels on Wheels I'm going to hide them in this little Nook and deploy them into the enemy Army as they come around the corner day 101 within minutes the final wave will come barreling down on us like an errant locomotive and it is our job nay our moral responsibility to throw rocks landmines and children at that locomotive until it comes to a grinding stop and explodes on the tracks and look at that Here Comes the Pain Train speeding onto the map with three waves in our favorite Corner two waves from the south one from the west and two up top I deployed my Army to the top right to help alleviate the stress surely this won't be too too bad I thought to myself well imagine my surprise when the entire population of India slowly filtered onto the map this is only one of the seven waves currently attacking us the peasant mob crashed against our walls like bags of raw meat being flung out of a centrifuge but I had faith in my castle because it is a monument to hostile architecture this is what those spiky park benches wish they could be in the top right my Army was engaged in a razor close battle against approximately 10% of the enemy population meanwhile The South was holding its ground thanks to an effective implementation of being a scumbag however up north we were having less success I managed to use one of these barrels to explode some peasants which was nice but then I kind of messed up the other one because it exploded too soon and set off a chain reaction that killed everyone else an unpreventable tragedy if I ever saw one Speaking of unfortunate situations the West is undergoing something of an uncons renovation project which is very problematic while I was trying to sort that out I failed to notice this number going down very fast it represents my currently alive soldiers I don't know what happened but 200 of them are now dead I tried to retreat my remaining Army only to accidentally run it into an explosive barrel and kill all 70 of my healers truly this is our darkest hour I'm a little worried but I have one last secret weapon I'm sitting on a stockpile of 400 human Souls which is enough to call in 40 meteors and that is what a sane person would probably do but who are we kidding here because I've spent the past 100 days Gathering Arcane knowledge to upgrade one of the worst spells in the game into a reality destroying cataclysmic event it's this spell right here normally it summons five death Knights not great not terrible but I upgraded it now 10 death Knights and then I upgraded again it now summons 30 Undead Warriors per cast with a cost of two gems we can afford to use this spell 200 times to summon a grand total of 6,000 Dark Knights anywhere on the map so you better believe I did just that as my frame rate grinded to a halt I snapped my head back in maniacal laughter because I knew the peasants stood no chance these 6,000 Dark Knights made short work of pretty much everything on the west side and they allowed me to gather more souls so I could afford a few tactically placed meteors in the top right you could say it's all coming together once my frame rate had a pulse again I surveyed the area to see The South was fine the north pretty good the West almost completely empty and the top right kind of a [ __ ] show but basically everyone's dead fun fact this battle took so long to complete some of the corpses actually reanimated as zombies and started attacking me all over again but we killed them too and with that we have finally survived 100 days and completed our challenge I want to thank this month's patrons for supporting me in my war on homelessness and lastly thank you for watching wait don't forget to download Rage Shadow Legends using the link in the description to receive all these rewards all right see you later me I'm [Music] not get me not you

Channel: Reggie

Views: 996,479

Keywords: diplomacy is not an option, reggie, diplomacy is not an option gameplay, reggie games, stronhold, RTS game, RTS, wave survival, DINAO

Id: -gHkH_JimUw

Length: 22min 10sec (1330 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 08 2023