I Regret Promising To Give A Speech At My Baby Brother's Funeral r/Relationships

am i the [ __ ] for not wanting to give a speech at my baby brother's funeral so my baby brother's half-brother ilya died three days ago just before christmas i don't want to be posting this but nobody else is listening ilia's mom was a teacher's assistant at my school so that's how she knows that i'm able to give good speeches i won the award in grade nine for best speech well yesterday i went with my dad to meet her because i've just felt like such crap since he died and i know she's feeling worse than anyone my dad said that he'd handle all the funeral costs and arrangements he brought up that it's his family tradition for father's oldest brother and nephew if any to speak at funerals since my other half brother is still too little my dad suggested me because i'm the oldest and ilia's mom seemed cheered up i said yes then but the entire night i've been scared about it i don't know what to talk about or what to write about i know it means a lot to my dad that i said yes and a lot to elia's mum that i did actually care for elia but i'm scared because i don't know but i am i tried writing this morning but kept feeling like crying i tried talking to my mum about it even though she hates hearing about my half-siblings she told me that since i committed to it i had to do it and i had to uphold my father's family tradition the best i could my dad hasn't answered his phone but i know that he'd be disappointed too i felt super shitty and like a super [ __ ] all morning for not wanting to do it anymore i'm sorry for the rambling but am i the [ __ ] for not wanting to do it anymore i'm feeling really confused edits i'm a girl but i'm the oldest which is why my dad suggested i do it to stick as close to the tradition and let's go to the comments not the [ __ ] you don't force a child to give a speech at a funeral right just because she did a good instructional speech in grade 10 speech class doesn't mean she's ready to give a eulogy at a funeral what are they thinking they are 18 at least that's an adult she's old enough to say no my big brother took his life pretty recently and i gave a eulogy i'm the same age as op if she doesn't want to give one she needs to say no especially since her posts leading up to now a role about how she hated her half-siblings never saw them didn't want to see them she doesn't know anything about this little boy so of course she's struggling to write a whole speech about him she didn't want to know him until he was already gone at this point her speech would only be about her regret and not paying tribute to this little boy's life a life she wasn't active in so she needs to be up front and to be honest that she didn't know ilya and someone else needs to take the reins on this so she can grieve and process her own feelings in a healthy way which is not in front of an entire audience of people her mom is the [ __ ] for trying to pressure her into it when she's trying to bow out no [ __ ] here your dad and the boy's mom is certainly not [ __ ] for asking you were not an [ __ ] for not feeling comfortable with it might i suggest instead of writing a speech picking out a poem to read maybe there's a book you read to him not sure how old he was you could read that to him one last time i'm so sorry for your loss remember your grief is valid not the [ __ ] don't give any eulogy if you don't have it in you at your age i do recommend that you put your feelings on paper for a later time you may need to do that do it now while things are still raw next year you will feel differently my sincere condolences to you and your family i know exactly how it feels to have a loved one pass away on christmas christmas day in fact stay strong and now on to the update so i wasn't planning on posting this because i got some nasty dms because of my old posts but my therapist said that it might be good to have closure on all fronts so here i am i admitted to my dad that i was scared to give a speech and i didn't feel like i deserved to because i barely knew ilia he told me that it was okay and to just write something and he'd say it for me if i wanted i couldn't think of anything so i just wrote down a buddhist prayer that my mom taught me when her cousin died elia's mom said the prayer was fine and i could say it in chinese at the funeral i decided to say the prayer and dad and my half-sister eliza stood by me in case i couldn't do it it helped that there wasn't that many people because it was right after new year's i said the pair in chinese and then in english i was only there on stage for like two minutes and i kind of broke down right when i stopped i cried so much that the rest of the funeral was just a blur really i can't even remember the rest just going home and falling asleep crying in my mom's lap my dad left for impatient rehab the day after the funeral it's been weird just being me and my mom at home without him especially because it's hard to talk to mom about ilya eliza wants me to introduce her to our other half-siblings shawn and mateo but i feel so awful especially because ilia looked so much like matteo used to as a toddler i've just been so terrible to all of them i did agree to though so i guess i'll suck it up and see if i can do it next week i did visit ilya's mom when she messaged me it was kind of awkward cause i felt so bad for hating her for so long she gave me some of his ashes in a vial as a thank you for loving him doesn't feel like i deserved it though i'm keeping it in my room but i heard they can get infused in jewelry so i'm going to ask my dad to do that once he's back so i can always have him with me it'll be the only jewelry that i'll actually like wearing hoping that's some closure for you guys too thanks for those of you who pointed out that i didn't need to do anything and now in the comments you sound like the sweetest person be so gentle with yourself and give yourself grace you were so wise beyond your years take care of yourself sweet opie and endop replies thanks for the compliment but it really doesn't feel like that sometimes when we can't be kind to ourselves we need to rely on other people to show us that kindness while we learn how to do it ourselves let us show you that kindness for a bit and op says thank you i really do appreciate it i looked at a few of your past posts since you mentioned them in the edit to the original post i'm not sure why people were saying mean things to you sometimes siblings don't have the same or equal affection for each other it seems like a lot of your stress is caused by your dad it's great to get to know your siblings but you shouldn't be the one introducing and fostering those relationships it's nice they asked you to speak at the funeral but that is a big ask the parents aren't doing a great job managing all the siblings and you really need to take a breath and focus on your mental health and what you'd like to do as a child and not what you have to do for the family i'm sorry for your loss and the stress and i hope that you're on a path to health and happiness and opie says i don't know i think it might have been a troll on one of my posts who called me a bully who was harassing me or maybe people just like to be mean i just feel guilty you know i mean i know he was just a toddler but if i'd known him more maybe i would have known that i did love him before i did and he would have too and it's probably how my other half-siblings feel maybe not eliza anymore about me too that i'm a spoiled princess while they are dad's leftovers i know i should bring these feelings up in therapy and i will but venting online is nice too you're a good person your situation is complicated but that doesn't make you a bad person please be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel your difficult feelings you were so courageous at the funeral you showed up for your baby brother and that is absolutely lovely opie please be gentle with yourself you are not doing anything wrong and you are doing the best you can as we all are much love to you and yours our next post is titled am i the [ __ ] for leaving a bad review on a facility director that i bullied 12 years ago i was a bratty teenager i treated others unfairly i am not proud of it after graduating high school i didn't have a clue on what to do so i went to a community college and chose a program that sounded interesting because i'm very outgoing i made friends pretty quick people found me hilarious the main reason i was so funny was i really ripped into one of the shy girls in class obviously i had issues with my security at the time and have gone through therapy during this period though i didn't have the right guidance i knew to make friends that we had to find common ground she was just an easy target it should be noted i think she suffered from anxiety before the program the more classmates and i laughed at her or snubbed her the more anxious she became to where the instructor told her this wasn't the career for her because she wasn't functioning to her full ability it doesn't matter i know but i regret it no one will believe me but i did experience karma and a lot of it after all of this now my fiancee and i decided that we wanted to adopt a pet and one of the animal rehabilitation centers were listing an adorable dog we decided to meet her first we had to talk with the facility's director which surprise surprise is the girl i bullied we recognized each other pretty quick i don't know if it was the past or her being so shy but she was very uneasy through our conversation she seemed in a good spot overall married kids obviously successful career which was a relief to me i hoped she had moved on from everything i did admit to her i was sorry for how things were all those years ago but she had obviously flourished beyond that she smiled and said yes she has i'm relieved and believe the past is the past an hour later the fiance gets a call saying we were not approved for the next steps of possibly meeting the dog obviously i was wrong in my assumption i reviewed the facility and called her out by name because i know very well there isn't anything that makes us unfit owners my fiance doesn't agree with me though in fact he says that i'm only fueling the fire and maybe if i hadn't been such a bee we wouldn't have been rejected am i the [ __ ] now in the comments wait so you bullied her again clearly you haven't grown up at all massive you're the [ __ ] what an entitled [ __ ] unfortunately for you being a horrible bully does in fact make you an unworthy owner that is her prerogative to decide if you don't like it too bad it is 100 your fault she was a bratty teenager and now she is a bratty adult no bratty sounds so innocuous she is beyond bratty you're the [ __ ] you effectively said to this woman sorry i was a horrible human but it looks like you're doing fine anyway dismissed the harm that you did in the same breath as apologizing for it and expected her to place another living being in your care no and then you publicly blame her for what sounds to me like a perfectly reasonable professional judgment yikes if the facility director didn't know you she might still not have moved you forward towards adopting a dog knowing you as she does it was her duty to halt the process you sound like you need to work on you a lot more before you try to take responsibility for a dependent soul op doesn't even admit to apologizing for being a horrible human being just said she apologized for how things were and it looks like she regrets it because she had bad karma not because she realized she did wrong and then she is egotistical enough to think that this woman needs or wants validation from the person who tortured her so bad she gave up her career goals i'm proud of you buff once again she is distancing herself from her actions by acting like she was just an outsider looking in if you don't accept your actions and the harm they caused you don't have any remorse and now on to the update okay do you guys not see the irony here i found so many messages in my dm and in the comment section calling me every name of the book and wishing death upon me to defend a victim of bullying you become a bully i get it i am a terrible person who deserves nothing but pain and suffering thanks the last 12 years i've been cheated on broken up with right after i had a stillborn and suffered many miscarriages but again this isn't enough i need more karma i showed these comments to my fiance and no he doesn't agree with any of the judgments after calling down he realized it was petty and childish of this girl she is the owner of this facility all adoptions are decided by her when i mentioned her flourishing it was because i was surprised but very happy she had moved on from something that happened 12 years ago it was great to see no i wasn't making it about myself also when we talked she mentioned how she would have hated being in that kind of career that program was designed for getting booted out made her realize her true passion was for animals i'm not trying to defend my actions i'm saying i didn't completely ruin her career path like some suggest am i the [ __ ] for making a harmless joke about my daughter's acne this happened a few days ago i 43 male have a daughter 16 female that is obviously going through puberty and just like any other teen she is seeing a lot of changes in her body most recently acne in her face and arms i try to be supportive of her and i have bought her special soaps and creams to help her control it although i haven't seen much difference or i don't think they really help that much anyways the other day at the dining table she was complaining to her mother and i about how the soaps i've bought her haven't been working on her and that she feels very uncomfortable so she asked if we could take her to the dermatologist to help her with her acne i then told her that she should just befriend the pimples since nothing she has been doing has helped and that they just wanted to be a part of her all in a very sarcastic tone i thought my daughter and wife would take it as it is humor but they both got really mad at me my daughter stormed to her bedroom and my wife started scolding me telling me i was a bad father while also telling me to apologize to her since those comments can really affect her i told them that i was just joking and that they should stop being party poopers into killing the mood my daughter hasn't talked to me since that day and my wife thinks i'm a huge [ __ ] for what i did and only talks to me to tell me to apologize so am i the [ __ ] for making a harmless joke and now in the comments you're the [ __ ] seriously puberty is hard enough without some insensitive ass joking about your acne don't do that poor kid puberty is rough as is without having your father making awful jokes like this you're the [ __ ] my dad used to make fun of my acne when i was a teenager saying things like look at that beard when i had a lot of pimples on my chin he thought that it was hilarious i'm 30 now and we are not close opie take note don't make fun of your kid's appearance if you want to have any meaningful part of their life um yeah of course you're the [ __ ] she's insecure and having trouble with her appearance and what do you do decide that a joke would be appropriate she's clearly sensitive about the acne and asking for help so why poke fun at that how insensitive are you this is why children have trouble coming to their parents with their insecurities because they joke about them and treat the insecurity as less than it's really sad that you're wondering if you should apologize or not if someone's feelings get hurt there's nothing harmless about the joke wait so it's not normal to have parents make fun of your acne and other stuff it's not really about normal and not normal but a parent joking about their kids insecurities can really set them up for having issues down the line something i've come to realize recently is that there's really two separate questions in issues like this what you intended and what your impact was you didn't intend to hurt your daughter you intended to lighten the mood your impact though was different you heard her deeply this is probably something that she's getting mocked for at school and probably something she already hates about herself ultimately it doesn't matter what your intent was it matters what your impact was when you find out you've hurt someone you apologize now you know now you know that's not a joke to her having the impact of hurting someone without the intent doesn't mean you're a bad person or irredeemable it means that once you know now you have the chance to fix it opie you're the [ __ ] but you still have a chance to make this right and p.s about your wife maybe sit down with her it sounds like she was reacting to more than just this comment is this a pattern that she was trying to highlight is something more going on listen really listen because if this is part of something bigger if you're hurting the people you love most your wife and your daughter you have a decision to make are you going to get defensive and double down or are you going to listen and learn and edit 2 a lot of people have brought up that intent does matter if someone's intent was to hurt you that's much less forgivable than if they had good intentions i think that's a really good point as the person who has been hurt knowing the intent can determine whether or not you can continue a relationship with the other person however i think that the intent versus impact paradigm is incredibly important when it comes to being the person who has hurt someone else so often when we are told we've hurt someone we double down on how we didn't mean to as if we need to defend that we are still a good person somehow it is so important to remember that your impact matters more in fact i would argue that if your intent really was good then you prove it by changing your actions anything that stays not an action just an intention ultimately matters far less than what you actually do with your life and back up to the post opie has an edit and says after reading all of the comments non-stop for about an hour i want to apologize to anyone that felt offended because of my actions or because they remembered a sad time in their lives i want to say that i will still apologize to my daughter and wife and i'll try to be more supportive next time with my daughter since we are all different and not because i a grown man who can withstand criticism means that she can do it too i will be more supportive of her and i will for sure seek professional help to fix her problem i can see not everyone appreciates my way of thinking and i will also avoid making comments that might hurt my loved ones thank you reddit for giving me that lecture i really needed and i'm deeply sorry unexpired is titled am i the [ __ ] for sending my cousin the bill for my kid's birthday cake because her kid ruined it we recently threw my five-year-old a birthday party he hasn't had a real birthday party since he was two years old due to covered so this was the first one he'd actually remember we wanted to make it special so we invited all our closest friends family members and their kids one of my cousins a single mom has a very unruly six-year-old he is loud disobedient and a nightmare in public when it came time to blow out the candles and cut the birthday cake he came and stood directly next to my son i anticipated what was going to happen next and asked my husband to stand behind this kid in case he tried to pull anything after we sang this kid kept trying to blow out the candles my husband kept blocking him and pulling him back and we could tell the kid was getting frustrated eventually my son blew out the candles and the kid absolutely lost it he threw a tantrum and slammed his entire arm into the cake knocking it into the table it was so awkward everyone gasped and got quiet my son looked up at us and i could tell he was about to start crying in an effort to not cause a bigger scene my husband picked him up and whispered to him that we have another special cake just for him we didn't and he seemed to calm down meanwhile his cousin was still standing there screaming and crying his arm covered in cake his mom was nowhere to be seen i walked him over to the sink and washed him off and quietly told him that he shouldn't have done that to the cake and that he should apologize to his cousin for what he did he screamed no in my face and then ran away my husband ended up running out to buy a sheet cake that we cut and serve to everyone i spoke to my cousin after the party about what happened since she wasn't in the room and she brushed it off saying kids will be kids i completely disagree i've been to plenty of birthday parties where the other kids let the birthday boy and girl have their moment i suggested she paid for the ruined cake and she looked at me like i was crazy i told her how important it was to us that this birthday be special to my son since it would be the first one he remembered and now all he would remember was that his cousin ruined his special moment she got extremely defensive and refused to pay for anything she then accused me of acting like the perfect mom and began to list the ways in which i was not in fact perfect it was a hurtful conversation and we haven't spoken since i sent her the bill for the ruined cake and she has not paid us i actually feel she should pay for both cakes since her kit is the reason that we had to get a new one but i didn't go that far my husband thinks she'll never pay us and that i should drop the issue at this point he says that since she's a single mom it's probably hard on her and we should cut them both some slack i understand that but i feel like it's just letting her and her son off the hook and this will lead to even bigger problems in the future if we don't hold them accountable am i the [ __ ] here and now in the comments not the [ __ ] but you'll never get your money and i think you made the point the kid is a jerk because the parent is a jerk no longer invite them to any parties and enjoy your immediate family because they seem nice not the [ __ ] but obviously she's not going to pay for the cake don't invite her to any more occasions or events and just write her off her son is going to have massive problems in the future no matter what it's not your responsibility nor do you even have the ability to prevent that hounding her about paying for the cake isn't going to make any difference at all except make both of you feel more anger and resentment believe me when your son is older he's going to remember oh yeah i remember [ __ ] cousin joe ruined my cake that year i wonder if he's out of jail yet not the [ __ ] you're not getting that money honey swallow that pill now what i would suggest is moving on and going forward excluding her and her child from things that you do that he may ruin you are not wrong for wanting a special moment for your child everyone wants their birthday to be special and i hope you don't feel any guilt over this and while your husband is kind and well intentioned growing up with a single mother is no excuse for this behavior and being a single mother is no excuse for not teaching your child how to behave our next post is titled am i the [ __ ] for bringing my entire family to the restaurant where my girlfriend was working as a server in order to meet her i 24 male have been dating my girlfriend 26 female for several months she works as a server at a local popular restaurant my family has been for a few weeks now asking to meet her i have two older sisters who were 31 and 27 as well as three nieces and mother and father who were both in their late 50s my girlfriend doesn't have a good relationship with her own parents and has expressed envy over me having a good relationship with mine i've asked her a few times to come with me to meet my family but she's always had an excuse why she couldn't so anyway last weekend i brought my whole family my parents as well as my sisters and their husbands and their kids to her restaurant i requested a table in her section when she saw us i could tell that she was taken aback but she did her job well and even took the time to talk to all of us and get to know my parents sisters brothers-in-law and nieces as well as she could while still doing her job and taking care of her other customers upon leaving my entire family expressed that they really liked her that i was lucky and that they were glad to have met her they also left her a huge tip i thought the whole thing was fine however after she got off her shift my girlfriend texted me and said thanks a lot you jackass i called her and she went off on me about how i shouldn't have blindsided her by bringing my whole family and how she should have had the chance to meet my family on her terms i responded that she didn't seem to want to meet my family whenever i brought it up so that if it were to ever happen this was the way i'd figured out but she said that what i did was wrong and that she had to give my family special attention at the expense of her other tables which i think wasn't true maybe i shouldn't have sprung my whole family on her in the way that i did but it went well and i'm kind of annoyed that she can't see that op has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the [ __ ] i guess i did sort of spring my entire family or my girlfriend in a way that she couldn't have backed out of without getting fired from her job and now in the comments you're the [ __ ] the update will be that she dumped you and that you were surprised she's right you have blindsided her with something that she's having difficulty coping with instead of easing her into another possible meeting scenario offering only meeting one of your sisters at a time for example and respecting whatever decision she made you show up with your whole family at her place of work so not only are you ignoring her opinions but you're also putting her on a tough time at work please update us that she broke up with you oh you're the [ __ ] for sure how uncomfortable for her regardless that your family liked her and left a huge tip yuck i'd be so pissed at you if it was me the fact that you don't see an issue is a huge issue you should be very apologetic to her you're the [ __ ] am i the [ __ ] for conspiring to force my girlfriend to interact with people that i knew she didn't want to interact with really she clearly wasn't ready to meet them and instead of you respecting that you trampled all over it and brought them into her work where she quite literally has no choice but to be as respectful and polite as possible and forced an interaction on her there is no maybe you shouldn't have done that you absolutely shouldn't have unexposed is titled am i the [ __ ] for honestly telling my girlfriend what i would change about her so i watched a tick tock where a couple asked each other what they would change about each other and they both said nothing they are both perfect and they love each other very much etc so i thought let me try this with my girlfriend without filming of course she said i wouldn't change anything about you maybe i would make you less anxious about everyday stuff so you wouldn't suffer and it's true i tend to be very anxious and obsessive-compulsive sometimes but i'm dealing with it then she asked me what i would change about her i told her i would like her to have her old body back meaning before the pandemic when she was more muscular and a little bit thinner also i told her that she could be less hairy in some areas like her face and arms and i wish her hair was more cared for i wouldn't change anything fundamental about her appearance maybe make her legs a little bit thinner but all my requests are very much achievable with a little effort she didn't seem to appreciate my comments her expression changed and she locked herself in her room without saying anything we slept on different beds and the next day she told me something very hurtful she said i don't think that your appearance is perfect either there are some issues but i love you enough not to pester you about them when i asked her what she meant she replied that she wished i followed her skin care advice to get rid of my acne and that i would work out with her more i told her the difference was that i was honest and she lied she didn't say anything but it was obvious that she had been crying the whole night she went up to her sister's house and hasn't been responding to my messages so am i the [ __ ] for being honest op has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the [ __ ] i might be the [ __ ] because i made my girlfriend cry with my suggestions although i never meant to hurt her and now in the comments you're the [ __ ] you saw an opportunity to confront your girlfriend about things you're not attracted to under the guise of oh look how fun and sweet you tricked her and made her feel like crap you're the [ __ ] you saw a trend on tick-tock of two people accepting each other and decided to use it as a way to nitpick your girlfriend's appearance you actually think your appearance is perfect you don't deserve her and i'm willing to bet she is way out of your league anyways nagging is so toxic bunch of laughing gasping for air and laughing again you're the [ __ ] and all of my requests are very much achievable with a little effort good god go date someone else who doesn't have to put an effort to change things about themselves for you it is understandable to have a preference for a partner it can be brought up in a much better way if that's what's important in my opinion this would be something affecting quality of life if you're not attracted to her don't be with her you saw an opportunity to point out how you want her skinnier and tearless and jumped on it well done and our next post is titled am i the [ __ ] for saying i told you so when my wife got banned from seeing our grandson so my wife has been in constant contact with our daughter-in-law our son's wife about plenty of things their very recent arguments ensued after my wife kept insisting on being present in the delivery room despite getting a resounding no my wife was having none of it and after my son and his wife changed hospitals to throw my wife off after she threatened to budge into the room she eventually found out i didn't tell her and got very mad i told her to stop and think because if she keeps this up she will lose all chances to see her grandbaby she told me off and went to make a huge scene at the hospital that my daughter-in-law was at it did not end well and my wife came home crying hysterically after getting chewed out by our son and kicked out of the hospital things remained tense until my son called to invite me to see the baby for the first time he did not invite my wife which sent her into a mental breakdown i had an argument with her after she tried to guilt me into staying with her and shame my son for keeping his mom away from her grandbaby but i told her i told you so and said that she had plenty of opportunities to get right with our daughter-in-law but she blew them away because of her stubbornness she started yelling about how unsupportive and cruel i was just like our son to be siding against her instead of defending her and staying home with her when our son banned her from meeting her grandbaby i went anyways and she kept arguing about me taking the wrong side instead of defending her i feel bad for her but at the same time i think she was being irrational and made this a competition despite knowing how our son and his wife felt about her behavior op has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the [ __ ] i might be the [ __ ] for not taking my wife's side as her husband and trying to soothe things between her and our son and his wife so she could see the new baby it's now in the comments not the [ __ ] i'd consider a divorce over this to be perfectly honest your wife is being so irrational here i'm a little worried for her is she this way about other things or is this new behavior for her you might want to see a medical professional with her not the [ __ ] there has been similar posts like this in am i the [ __ ] and just no mother-in-law and i'm so interested to know because it's never from the husband or father-in-law's perspective why on earth do you stay with this woman seriously this can't be an isolated component of her personality because this behavior is a pattern and an extreme one at that so please i gotta know why are you remaining married to such a selfish jerk not the [ __ ] big yikes has she always been this way and opie replies she's gotten worse once our daughter-in-law came round my wife is the overprotective type of mum if you will and she's always making a huge deal over every little thing that's not being overprotective it's being inappropriately involved in her son's life and being jealous of his wife she should know that mother and wife aren't the same roles even though she's acting like they are not the [ __ ] good for you for siding with your son and daughter-in-law against your wife's brand of crazy hopefully this teaches her a lesson though probably not and op says i didn't do much i just let them handle their own issues because they're adults but still my wife thinks our son is still too young at the age of 24 go figure might i recommend doing more than that at what point do you think you'll also be cut off due to her overbearing behavior i get that they're adults but your daughter-in-law just gave birth and your son is a new father the last thing they need is your wife being the psycho she is they will eventually hold you accountable for your inaction so do something before that happens am i the [ __ ] for telling my sister to stop using nonsense baby talk i really need reddit for this one as i genuinely don't know if i'm the [ __ ] throw away as my sister has read it all fake names so my 34 female sister 27 female alana has always been somewhat infantile but in the last year she has stepped up her game in the category of nonsense baby talk she was seeing a guy last year who i think liked it which might be why but it's literally every second sentence and it is driving me nuts some examples she's arrived at my house and asked if she could put some use in the fridge turned out she wanted to put juice in the fridge on seeing my six month old crying she loudly said oh no don't cry and she's asked if we have any yeast in the frizz ice in the freezer you get the idea it's endless and very annoying my older sister 35 female este and i have chosen to combat this by pretending we don't know what she means until she says it correctly my mom does nothing about it as alanna is the youngest and always babied a bit mom has even translated the baby talk for me in destie when we are pretending we don't understand anyway yesterday alana was at my house for my birthday and the baby talk was dialed up to 100. we had a giant cookie for a cake and later in the evening alana handed my husband a plate and requested a slice of the cake of cooks which is a slice of cookie cake this was too much for me and i told her to stop with the made-up words she replied but it's cute and i informed her it was not cute and i asked her to cut it out she refused and told me i can do whatever i want and nobody can tell me what to do or something along those lines to which my mum agreed i then said that she had to make sure not to use the nonsense words in front of my six month old as i wanted her learning the right words which was really just an excuse to stop her from doing it alana pointed out that estee made used-up words with her two-year-old este says tama instead of tummy but that's the only one she could think of i said that what este does with her daughter is irrelevant because i'm the one asking alana to stop that bit might not be relevant but i'm adding it for full transparency when my husband reappeared with a cake i refused to let alana have it until she asked for it properly she gave me a death glare but did ask probably albeit sulkily my am i the [ __ ] is twofold here was i the [ __ ] to withhold the cake until she asked for it like a grown-up and was i the [ __ ] for telling her to stop talking nonsense in the first place she is after all a fully grown adult who can do what she likes but i honestly can't tell you how irritating it is to hear nonsense talk all the time from a 27 year old woman and she had dialed it up to 11 for some reason my mom agreed with alana obviously este wasn't there but agreed with me when she was told what happened as did my husband i'd love to put my foot down and tell her to cut it out every time but i need the judgment on reddit for this as i don't know if i'm blinded by my unreasonableness by how annoying it is and now in the comments not the [ __ ] i haven't even met your sister and i just need her to stop so badly opie replies with a crying laughing emoji okay so i use made-up words a lot like i use words for things that they weren't really meant for i call my wireless earbuds pokeball for example just cause it's round or i call my siblings as hot dogs but i only do it when i'm extremely bored or sad just as a little mood lifter for myself and nobody cares that said i wouldn't be able to stand your sister not for a single day her way of speaking is definitely not cute when used as constantly as you say at most it should be exclusively used as dumb slang for texting not the [ __ ] it's not cute it's weird and annoying as all get out you're not wrong to point out it's ridiculous and ask her to stop i would also be ignoring it and not responding when she uses baby talk until she uses actual words but i also hold hope that if she's around your children as your children get older they're going to say things kids don't hold back at all it's not even baby talk mixing up vowel sounds is not part of a typical child language development it's just weird endop replies that's what my husband said it's just nonsense really isn't it it really is i have two little kids and none of what you're describing are baby and toddler speech patterns she has found her own brand of weird and it's the actual least cute thing imaginable not the [ __ ] just tell her i have no idea what you're talking about every single time because if what you were typing is an accurate representation of what she's saying i have no idea how she expects anyone else to pass any of that endo p says this is largely how we've chosen to combat it it seems to have made her double down i think because she thinks that we're in the wrong and she's standing up for herself the doubling down is something called an extinction burst it is her resisting the boundary you're setting in hopes that you'll give up the tactic of saying you don't understand over and over and over again is exhausting but it's absolutely going to work if you stand firm do not engage unless she asks in adult language and back up to the post there is an edit update thanks for all the comments i am trying to read through them on and off while looking after my daughter and some of them are really making me laugh to answer a few questions yes i've addressed this with her before as has estee this is just the first time i've flat out refused to follow up on what she said she's pulled though but you do it with your daughter card on estee before too so clearly she thinks that's a good argument the only people present were me my mom alana and my husband it was just a low-key thing so no big crowd estee and her husband joined later via zoom we played joke boat on jack box and i came fifth elana is generally very sweet and fun but definitely immature and can be super annoying this gets on my last nerve very quickly and i can be hard on her hence my am i the [ __ ] usually my husband is good at pointing out if i'm being harsh but he was totally on my side here yes i used the hame sisters names on purpose and yes i'm smug i get to be danielle anyway my mom just came over and i spoke to her she agreed very quickly that it's annoying af but said that alana is working on standing up for herself and my mom wanted to support that i was like sure but pick your battles my mom agreed and said that she'll talk to her about it when it's just them and she thought that agreeing with them in the moment would have made alana defensive and she wouldn't have listened which is probably true i mentioned that some commenters had said about it being my house and me being able to ask her to stop and she agreed with this and reiterated that she would talk to alana that's all i have for now i'm going to talk to este and i think we're going to go for the talk to her seriously treat her like an adult approach and try to be a bit kinder about it thanks again for the comments este and i are feeling very vindicated and now with the actual updates as i said before estee and i feel incredibly vindicated by the judgment and the comments in general as we are always being told by our mom not to be hard on poor alana it's got to the point where we don't rip into her like we do each other which is a shame as we are english and our primary love language is insults and sarcasm anyway i digress i got my chance to confront ilana on saturday evening when alana and my mom came over for another round of jack box and jolanna asked me if i liked her new jump i replied your what and she levelled with me a slightly smug unblinking stare my mum jumps in and tells me she means her jumper and a lotta interrupts her saying she knows what i mean i can say jump if i like clearly she has decided to double down but i had my reddit voices in my ear and i was prepared i asked her to stop talking in nonsense words and she told me that it's a thing that all millennials do and i needed to get over it and said that i do it too and gave pro sec as an example prosecco i disagreed then told her that i'd been googling it translation i've asked a bunch of redditors and that it had made me wonder if she was doing it as a reaction to no longer being the youngest in the family she was very affronted by this telling me she had been doing it way longer than the arrival of the kids i said that she had been doing it much more recently my mom agreed with me alana looked delivered at this and kept spluttering that it wasn't the case i then said that in my google research i'd read that it could be a comfort for anxiety and asked her if this is what it was she seemed very annoyed about my trying to diagnose her or make it into an issue in my opinion she was trying to be cute and funny and i was ruining it with my concern for her well-being she told me that i was very weird for thinking that it's a big deal and for googling it and i said that i was doing this because she's far too old to be talking like a yoda baby i then said that if it wasn't a reaction to anxiety could she please stop because it annoys me a lot and i don't want to be annoyed when i hang out with her full props to reddit for my phrasing here she stared at me in silence for a good 20 seconds i could see her brain worrying as she tried to calculate a reason to say no but in the end my mum quietly interjected with that's a reasonable request isn't it and alana gave a hefty defeated sigh and said fine i said thank you and we swiftly moved on i'm hopeful that that's the end of it i'm so glad that i turned to reddit for this one as all the advice worked perfectly and i'm going to try and keep it in mind with all my interactions with alana going forward and now in the comments i'm laughing here just the mental image of her sitting there trying to figure out a way of continuing this asshattery while not proclaiming that she's in need of therapy as a millennial born in 1989 i can assure you that i don't baby talk and i feel slightly offended at the suggestion that we all do it but ripping into my younger brother and sister with sarcasm and insults i fully intend it's definitely our english love language unexposed is titled would i be the [ __ ] for saying no to my boyfriend's dream apartment so me female 22 and my boyfriend male 22 are moving in together we have been apartment hunting this week and found a couple suitable options there is one apartment i really like apt-1 that is around 110 metres squared and rent would be around this apartment is located in a nice neighborhood around 10 blocks from my parents house i like this apartment because the price is good for the size and location and it's also quite pretty my boyfriend however prefers another apartment apt-2 that is around 140 meters squared and rent is around 1600. the apartment is in the dead centre of the city we live in and literally next door to his parents house as in if we sit at the balcony and look to the right we can see and talk to his parents in their own balcony my issue with apt-2 is that it's not very nice looking on the inside it's an older building so the tiles in the kitchen and bathrooms are very outdated and worn it comes with some furniture even my grandma would have gotten rid of already the kitchen is all mismatched as if it was fixed by someone who took apart another kitchen and reused the parts it's overall not a nice looking apartment and for me to be happy in it i would need to change pretty much everything i'm an interior designer the look of my own apartment is important to me but that would also be quite expensive to do and there are certain things that we wouldn't be able to change because it's a rental and the owner would not allow it but my boyfriend still really wants it because it's very centre of the city close to where he does language classes and a big supermarket that he likes to shop at and apt-1 would be around one or two kilometers away from these things he uses his mom's car but she said that he can't take it if he moves out even if she does not drive apt-1 is not available for visitation yet and apt-2 needs to be rented today or tomorrow i need an answer soon and i'm afraid i'm being unreasonable if i say no and now in the comments is it actually his dream apartment or is the location just useful if i was 22 again moving in with my girlfriend there is no way in hell i'd want my parents close enough to hear us swinging from the chandeliers and opie says it is definitely more the location for him but he does like the size of the apartment as well and doesn't care how it looks like i don't think they would be able to hear us from their house and we aren't exactly swinging from the chandelier people but point taken my suggestion would be to start looking for apartment three no [ __ ] here especially as they haven't even seen the other apartment in person pictures can be deceiving not the [ __ ] i would veto it purely on the fact that he's right next to his parents it needs to be a clean break for both of you to really mature properly like getting your own car is there nothing in the middle that's viable and op replies we tried looking for other options in that region but they end up being either too small or too expensive both these options we have are rare fines honestly i would say to hold off and wait for your apartment you already know you're going to dislike living there you both should agree on that place no asshole's here but you do know he has the right to say no to the apartment you want to right and opie says yes i do it's not that he doesn't like the one i like he just loves this other one he seems to be pretty taut as well to be honest if the apartment was prettier would you be okay with it if the apartment looked the same but the parents weren't so close would you be okay with it ask the landlord if it can come unfurnished or if there will be any finishing done before moving maybe you can get it cleaned up i'm not sure what the market is like where you are but sometimes it's worth applying anyway and then just decline the offer if you get one i'm going no [ __ ] here and now on to the update i met with my boyfriend the other day that i made the post and we had a very long discussion about the whole apartment situation by the end of it we decided to go with apartment one i must point out at this point we had not seen any of the apartment in person only through pictures we had a scheduled visit to apartment 2 the next morning and we didn't know when apartment 1 would be available for visitation the morning comes and we visit apartment 2 we didn't want to cancel last minute and it was not as bad as the pictures my boyfriend absolutely loved it i was pleasantly surprised by it after we leave i get a call that apartment 1 is available for visitation and we could go in immediately so off we went and saw that one too it was not very good pictures of apartments really are deceiving y'all it felt very small despite saying that it was 110 meters squared the bedrooms were so tiny our bed barely fit in the master one a closet in desk did not fit in the second one and also the balcony was over a neighbor's house and we could fully see into their living room which is kinda awkward it also probably had very thin walls as we could hear children running around and yelling as if they were in our own apartment so we both said no to apartment 1 and ended up going with apartment 2. we had a meeting with the owner and he assured us he would get rid of any unwanted furniture and we were welcome to renovate any part of the apartment and he would give us a discount on the rent to cover the costs we are working up a contract and will most likely be signing the lease this week we already have the keys and everything also in regards of my in-laws we sat down with them for dinner and cleared boundaries were set we will be covering the part of the balcony that overlooks theirs they will not be getting a copy of our keys and they are not to expect visits from us too often i am hopeful and excited at the prospect of this apartment and even though 98 of you guys told us to run for the hills i have a very good feeling that i made the right decision thank you all for your time and your judgment and now in the comments thanks for the update it always amazes me how different a property is in person from advertised pictures enjoy your new home endop says it really is different never again trusting pictures like that and thank you i was in property sales for a while nobody ever attaches unflattering photos to the ad because it defeats the purpose you want it to generate traffic and hopefully a sale or lease so you always highlight the best features and qualities why provide photos of the chalk outlines on the floor into chocolate milk stains on the walls and ceilings when you can instead provide photos of the views or the amenities that are nearby glad it worked out op look forward to am i the [ __ ] for being annoyed my boyfriend's parents are always in my apartment endopee replies hopefully i won't have to do that sounds like the solution was worked out in the best way possible and you both ended up happy a lot of people on reddit seem to hate in-laws and can't imagine a healthy family dynamic so no surprise they were telling you to run and op says i get along with mine better than i do with my own parents i'm fully aware that i'm an exception though most people seem to not get along or like their in-laws people who are happy don't post here i have amazing in-laws i never make posts about them who wants to hear about great people who babysit my kid take us on vacation and are really kind and thoughtful that's not what this sub is about am i the [ __ ] for getting upset with my best friend's son for giving my son cake my son is eight years old and recently attended his friend's eighth birthday party this friend is my best friend's son i don't let my son have any or much junk food at all and usually he brings his own snacks for this incident it was carrot sticks and ranch to events that have a lot of sugary foods my best friend bakes a lot and made a special chocolate cake for her son's birthday when it comes to my son i don't let him have cake this is personal preference for his health not for any allergy reasons and he is not diabetic or gluten free my son knows he isn't allowed to have cake because of the additives when he told his best friend this at the party his friend apparently got upset and told him it was good cake not bad cake like i say because his mum made it and it was his birthday cake my son then ate cake got a sugar rush and crashed making him cranky for the rest of the day after we left the party i told my friend she needs to have some kind of consequences for her son to teach him not to peer pressure other children into eating things they are not allowed to have she said because it wasn't an issue of allergies or health that she's sorry my son was cranky but she won't be punishing her son or talking to him about it on his birthday she says also that she'll just watch more closely slash make sure her husband does in the future as well as have a chat with him on another day about respecting food habits i love my friend but historically her and her husband have always said yes to their son and not given him any consequences for anything both of us were present at the party and did not see them sharing the cake they were outside eating in the backyard with their fathers and some other parents supervising while we cleaned up so it's not an issue of anyone going behind anyone's back just teaching children boundaries and respect i let my son stay for the rest of the party and be with his friend so it's not like i ruined the day am i the [ __ ] for being upset with my friend's son and the fact that she won't punish her son for pressuring my son into eating cake rp has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the [ __ ] the action i took that must be judged is starting a fight with my friend over her not punishing her son she says i'm overstepping boundaries and telling her how to parent but i think because my son was affected i should be able to ask her to handle it more strongly than she usually does with him and now in the comments god forbid your son experience a moment of joy and celebration you're the [ __ ] for your information sugar rushes are a myth they have been debunked many many many times by scientists and medical professionals that your son was irritable for the rest of the day was likely because having had fun at a friend's birthday party you pissed all over his enjoyment of the party with your ridiculous attitude and over-the-top indictment of the whole party i can only imagine your son's embarrassment at you having the utter goal to demand consequences for a kid on his birthday who shared his cake with your son who by your own admission has no health issues that would be affected by said cake it wasn't the cake that made your son irritable it was you i seriously doubt that you being declared the [ __ ] in this will in any way soften your views on such things it is perfectly fine to want to make sure that your kids eat nutritiously you also shouldn't be a fascist about it in fact the more you try to exert such iron control over it the higher the likelihood you will drive your sun straight into an eating disorder there isn't a doubt in my mind that your son has a stash of candy at various places because of you you're the [ __ ] it was cake on a special occasion your son isn't being fed cake daily also you have issues with additives and cake but you find ranch to be acceptable edit i've thought about this more and honestly if i was your best friend i would be pissed at you and asking you to talk to your own kid he made her son feel bad about the cake that she made him for his birthday he felt the need to defend the cake and was upset by what your son said you're the [ __ ] and here is what's going to happen when your son realizes all of the food that he's not allowed to eat he's going to sneak it he will learn to sneak other things he will have food issues and possibly a weight problem kids need to be taught that food is fine and we eat in moderation our next post is titled am i the [ __ ] for calling my husband out in front of my friends on planting a recording device while we were having a gni this happened last week i told my female26 husband mail 31 i was planning on having a girls night in at home and he initially was like no not here get a hotel or something i said i couldn't afford a hotel plus there was no need for a hotel he asked if he could join us if he was going to allow it but i said no this isn't how gnis work he eventually agreed to let me have it and even said that he'd go out so my friends could be comfortable i invited the girls over and most of them had a lot of heavy venting to do at some point things got a bit emotionally charged and there was crying lots of it after that we brought in the food and drinks when i went to turn the tv on i spotted a small device tucked on the side i took a look and found that it was actually a voice recording device i was in disbelief i knew my husband put it in there to listen to our private talk which felt highly violating i didn't hide it from the girls i showed them the device i called my husband to get him to get home and confronted him right there in front of the girls the girls were shocked and my husband denied after i flipped out and called him out and then said that he was feeling curious to know what we were talking about and wanted to make sure that we weren't trash talking him specifically the event was cut short and the girls left i kept lashing out at him for ruining the night and possibly my relationship and trust with my friends i said that not only did he violate my privacy but my friends as well because they were talking about very personal stuff he argued that it was no big deal that i should have let him join us if we had nothing to hide and that this was on them for opening up about private matters to begin with he went on to talk about how i humiliated him to call him out in front of my friends i told him they deserve to know who he really is after what he has done we argued some more and he went out again we're in conflict until today and i feel like i made a mistake calling him out like that aside from how i felt about it he claims that my friends will no longer respect him after that but am i the [ __ ] and now in the comments run also ditch every device you have get a techie friends to take a look at least divorce him and run not the [ __ ] this is divorce levels of screwed up if you really want to rescue this relationship he needs to be getting therapy for his control issues not the [ __ ] a bunch of red flags here i think your husband dropped these not the [ __ ] but if i were you i'd take a long hard think about the relationship and if you still want to be in it not the [ __ ] he's 100 in the wrong him saying if i allow it is a huge red flag he has no regard for you or your privacy and i would honestly look at this relationship and ask yourself if it's worth it i don't see this behavior ever getting better without serious intervention not the [ __ ] maybe it's my ptsd talking but the fact that he a did this at all and b showed no remorse and tried to blame you for it and c you are now questioning whether you need to apologize has me concerned for you doing this at all is definitely controlling it shows he doesn't trust you and can potentially alienate you from your friends if you stay with him for the second part you might want to look up an abusive tactic called davo because that's what it sounds like deny attack reverse victim and defender i would not advise entering couples therapy with someone who is using these types of strategies they can end up manipulating the therapist too personally i would strongly consider leaving and maybe recruit some friends to help grab your most important documentation and possessions and leave asap it is obviously your choice on how you handle this though and honestly i think so far you've actually done an excellent job if you want additional support or a neutral space to process this then therapy might be beneficial if that is an option for you though maybe make sure there is no way he can listen in on your therapy sessions if you are doing them virtually and with that we are on to our next post titled am i the [ __ ] for apparently being the cause of our trivia team breaking up and no longer playing together i go to a pub trivia with some friends we've been a team for about 10 years we all actually met at trivia when we belong to different teams recently one of the guys on the team got a new girlfriend and decided to bring her along which was no problem or so i thought all night she ends up disagreeing with basically all of our answers the issue ended up being that her boyfriend is our team's scribe because he's the only one with neat handwriting so after being outvoted a few times on her answers she starts with the write my answer down or you know what you're not getting when you get home well no prize for guessing what he does and we end up going from getting almost every question right to getting almost every question wrong before the final round there is a bonus question you get to gamble as many of your points as you want on the bonus question now we are really far behind so he chose to gamble all of our points we all agree on the answer except for her hers is written down and it is wrong one of the interesting things at this trivia is that there is a mystery prize for any team that manages to get a first previous firsts are written on a board a final score of one is one of the firsts i point out that if we purposefully get zero as our overall score for the night we'll get a first and get the mystery prize everyone on the team starts laughing and agrees we should do it except her she wants us to try our best for some reason so they come around and tanned out the cards for the final round and i jump up and take it i ask and everyone except him and her agrees that i can be the scribe she announces that she won't be a part of something lame and she walks off we end up getting zero for the round because we don't write anything the overall scores are read out and she returns the host announces that we have achieved the first of a zero score overall and brings over the mystery box it's chocolate she says she's claiming it so i jump in first and grab it and say that it's a team prize so we need to decide how to split it she is staring daggers at me i ask everyone multiple times if they want to share they all say no including her boyfriend i then say i love this chocolate so i'm keeping it she goes bug-eyed and demands her share in a calm voice i tell her that she's been rude to us all night refused to take part in getting zero and so she doesn't deserve it everyone else doesn't want to get involved and leaves he has now blocked all of us on everything and the team are now saying that i went too far i should have understood that she's his girlfriend and should have just shared it with her everyone but one voted to kick me out of the team so now we formed a breakaway team i think they're all overreacting and ending this the other team didn't even speak to us at the last trivia because we have been going over to each other's houses for game nights etc for years and now it is all over so am i the [ __ ] and now in the comments not the [ __ ] but the new girlfriend is manipulating her boyfriend with sex get the hell out assuming there isn't more to the story because i can't see why people other than the boyfriend would block you for not sharing chocolate not the [ __ ] she manipulated her boyfriend ruined the evening constantly overwrote everyone else's opinion and sulked if she didn't get to choose the answer each time count it as a win that you don't have to play with her again and opie says the others haven't blocked me just he has he blocked everyone the others though kicked me out of the team a few of them are a bit older so they are a bit old-fashioned when it comes to women but it's not like i was yelling or anything like that at her i am confused the guy who has followed me out of the team had met her once before he hates her and he also thinks everyone else is being weird over it which is why he said that he is following me out of the team as well not the [ __ ] that girl has some clear problems in her head your friends sounds like shitty friends especially the boyfriend who is clearly easy to manipulate except the one guy so just be happy that you got out of that group as an avid bar trivia player we have a core of five players and we've had some extras come and go over the years we have rather set rules about answering questions usually we come to quick agreement but if we don't all vote majority wins unless someone is willing to die on this hill die on this hill is reserved for special cases and luckily no one abuses it if someone unilaterally started answering questions like that they would be uninvited next time playing tonight so wish us luck endo p says good luck sounds kind of like what we would usually do except you know new girlfriend our next post is titled am i the [ __ ] for refusing to call my eight-year-old half-uncle uncle so my family is kind of a mess what you need to know for this is that both my dad and grandpa had kids young so i'm 15 my dad is 37 and i think grandpa is summer in his late 50s grandparents divorced when i was a kid and two years later grandpa remarried his new wife who was younger than my dad brought a kid to the marriage and suddenly i had a step-uncle let's just call him brian when we first met the kid was like four or something i thought it would be funny to call him uncle brian because of this ridiculousness of having an uncle so much younger than me it was a joke and he liked it so i kept calling him that couple of years later and we find out he's not my step uncle but my half uncle grandpa apparently had a second family he managed to hide even through the divorce and tried to pass his new wife off as someone he had met just after separating q big drama messy fighting i didn't see grandpa in his new family for more than a year he's only just started patching things up between the rest of our family so i only just met brian again he's become a little crap he is needy whiny and throws tantrums all the time i just try to ignore him but his mum spoils him so i don't think he'll get better any time soon none of this would be a problem except when my grandpa was trying to patch things up he moved closer to my family and now brian and i go to the same school it's a k through 12 and though i don't see him during the day we sometimes run into each other after school i've got a club and he's in the after school childcare thing when we see each other he keeps wanting me to call him uncle brian and i keep telling him no the other day he threw one of his tantrums at school saying i have to call him uncle brian he's my uncle and that means i have to do what he says i told him no i didn't and that i'm tired of him being a whiny brat i am older than him and that means he has to do what i say he didn't listen and kept saying that i have to call him uncle we ended up making a bit of a scene and word got back to our families and brian's mom said that if it meant so much to him that i should just call him uncle i said i'm not doing that grandpa sided with her and my dad hasn't said anything directly but i think he wants me to just do it to keep the peace but it's stupid he's a kid and calling him uncle brian just because he's whining that i have to do it is demeaning especially at school it was a joke when he was younger one that i chose to participate in and not something that was forced on me but this is different am i the [ __ ] if i stand my ground on this and now in the comments not the [ __ ] by the way i can't stop laughing at this kid thinking that you should call him uncle not the [ __ ] but i'm sorry but this is hilarious the kid is clearly on a power trip and is used to getting what he wants this kid is being a brat and giving in will only contribute to the behavior which his mum obviously is in favor for because she is the one enabling it not the [ __ ] why is your entire family behaving like toddlers it's up to you how you want to handle this personally i would have fun with it really exaggerate the uncle thing call him king uncle brian the first leader of the playground and smider of the enemies every single time you have to address him but that's because i'm extremely petty malicious compliance you know but you are within your rights and not the [ __ ] for standing your ground since he is throwing fits over it then you would basically be saying throwing a tantrum gets you what you want his mother isn't doing him any favors by asking you to take the easy way out of it frankly i think the adults in this situation should keep their attention on brian's behavior and not yours but what you can do is not engage don't call him a brat don't even tell him he has to listen to you just because you're older that line of reasoning is ineffective and really frustrating for kids it will make you look much better for it if you just ignore him from now on kids thrive on attention even if it's for bad behavior try to stay clear of him and see how that goes am i the [ __ ] for calling my sister-in-law a racist after she compared my cooking to making kung pao chicken for context i have been married to my wife for around 10 years and we are a mixed race couple i'm asian and she's caucasian i've gotten along with her family mother-in-law brother-in-law sister-in-law but i've always felt like her father-in-law and other sister-in-law sarah never liked me i am a professionally trained chef with 15 plus years of experience and i work at a high-end chinese restaurant a spin-off of a popular one in beijing in a large u.s city my crew and i have won several awards and i've been explicitly told that i'll be the next executive chef sarah is also a professionally trained chef and works at a popular upscale french restaurant in the city she constantly brags about it and no joke compares herself out loud to ramsay and bourdain whenever i'm at my mother-in-law and father-in-law's house and helping out in the kitchen sarah is always criticizing everything i do whether it's chopping brazing marinating etc she always butts in with comments like um i think you should actually do x like this i've been patient for my wife in sidestepping those comments saying things like thanks but i think i'll stick to the way that i do it things came to a head two weeks ago when my wife father-in-law mother-in-law and i were in her parents kitchen prepping dinner for my mother-in-law's birthday we were running a bit behind so things were heated which i kind of like because it reminded me of work and that's when sarah walked in she took one look at what i was doing scoffed and said something like oh wow okay so that's not the right way of doing things it hit a nerve and i pretty sternly told her to stop criticizing my cooking and that i'm also a chef like her she laughed and said making kung pao chicken at some chinese restaurant doesn't count the kitchen went silent father-in-law snorted slash chuckled and my mother-in-law yelled sarah what is wrong with you i stopped what i was doing swore at her and called her a racist piece of crap apologized to my mother-in-law for not being able to stay and left for home with my wife apparently this caused a massive fight after we left with my mother-in-law slash brother-in-law and other sister-in-law taking my side and my father-in-law saying it was a joke but kind of true and that i was being too sensitive the extended family somehow got wind of this and now everyone is arguing and taking sides with my wife even getting texts from some of her cousins apologizing for sarah's behavior despite being on my side my wife is begging me to apologize so that the fighting will stop but i refuse to because f sarah and her blatant racism am i the [ __ ] and now in the comments not the [ __ ] cooking asian food doesn't count as cooking is racist incredibly uncalled for and shows how much of an entitled know-it-all sarah is i'm glad most people over there are on your side but yeah don't apologize when you did nothing wrong not the [ __ ] i'm disappointed in your wife enabling her racist sister and dad over a husband is not a good look please for f's sake do not apologize sarah is racist it may well have been a joke but it was a effing racist joke i'd be goddamn livid that your wife is telling you to apologize that is disgusting behavior from her and she's saying that racism is acceptable even when it's against someone she loves at least there are some in her family who don't think racism is fine i'd be going scorched earth over this crap not the [ __ ] that is some racist crap and if your sister-in-law is bringing it out at work she should get in trouble i am asian and white and that means that i get to pass sometimes which has led to me receiving all sorts of educational in-group experiences with white people someone who talks like this to your face is a lot worse behind your back then there is the generalized racism of the entire notion that asian food is crap and french is somehow elevated chinese cooking can require incredible skill and timing there is literally nothing that french cuisine has that asian cuisine doesn't in terms of delicacy of the art care taken with flavour and technique or impressiveness of the final product asian food is frequently inexpensive in the states because that's how our immigrating families survived taking their recipes and making them sweeter and saltier because that's what white people wanted but american chinese food and traditional chinese food aren't the same thing and it is just filthily racist to insist that there is no such thing as good chinese your wife is also the [ __ ] for telling you to apologize she needs to grow a spine what happens when the fighting stops if it means you've had to compromise yourself does she realize what she's asking of you and now back up to the post we have an edit my wife has also informed me that now sarah may be in trouble at work and she is blaming me for it apparently one of her co-workers heard her rant about what happened and reported it to management to clarify sarah is blaming me though my wife is partly blaming me too edit two slash updates so it looks like one of my wife's cousins found this post and put it on sarah's facebook wall going this is you right her facebook friends are starting to comment with things like if this is you sarah then i'm disappointed i think sarah is still at work crap might be hitting the fan soon and now my wife is pissed too we'll try to update but might have to delete the post if things go nuclear edit 3 update 2 was considering removing but i just got a voicemail from my father-in-law that my presence was only being tolerated up until this point and threatened a world of hurt if i didn't delete this post officially going to keep this post up and if you're still reading this dog i'm very disappointed in you you're better than this we'll also continue to update and thanks again for all of your support edit four update three lots of stuff just went down one my wife got a call from my sister-in-law from wife's paraphrasing sarah started screaming slash crying at her the moment my wife picked up and said that she just got demoted because of her asian slur husband apparently some of her coworkers have her on facebook and showed the post to management which combined with her earlier rant double-whammied her back to being a lion cook and now she might get fired my wife told her to go f herself and is now solidly on my side after taking the verbal abuse from sarah and rereading some of the comments here my wife is still the opposite of happy though 2. my wife called my mother-in-law and asked her what the hell was going on with father-in-law mother-in-law was confused so my wife played back the voicemail that i had on my phone and apparently my mother-in-law literally just walked away from the phone without hanging up and started screaming at father-in-law 3. facebook has now just evolved into a cluster air flame war with family and friends jumping in suffice to say it is officially gone nuclear i think i'm going to have to call this a day i'll make an update post when the dust settles thanks again folks edit 5 update 4 turns out i'm not allowed to post an update for some reason no you provided all of your updates in the original post with your many many edits you can edit this in but we will not be allowing standalone update on this suffice to say it's been kind of nuts this past week my wife and i had to turn off social media for a bit because of the shitstorm caused by her cousin putting my last post on sarah's facebook page some people even tried to call the restaurant i work at to get me fired as retribution but luckily everyone there is one hundred percent on my side or as my boss put it f sarah f those racists f them so god damn much i guess it didn't help them that half the calls involved threats screaming and more racial slurs we didn't hear any updates from her family even though we assumed the crap hit the fan after mother-in-law found out about father-in-law's threatening voicemail still disappointed in you doug but that changed on sunday night when my mother-in-law suddenly showed up at our door with overnight bags after we took a moment to help unpack and calm down she spilled the beans on everything father-in-law also known as doug apparently my mother-in-law and father-in-law were already having trouble in their marriage and it was only made worse with a certain 2016 presidential election she's a dem and he had apparently gone more far right since then it seems that a line was crossed with the kung pao incident and his voicemail when he refused to apologize for anything typical dog she asked for a divorce and he went berserk she didn't feel safe there so that is when she came over other brother-in-law and sister-in-law live out of town the extended family aka the great facebook war of 2021 you may have been able to tell already but the extended families were largely arguing fighting and divided along political lines for a few years now and my cousin's facebook post was likely just the light to set off the powder keg according to my mother-in-law the fallout has allegedly already led to some breakups excommunication of some family members and even an argument that ended with police involvement haven't verified this myself though on sarah sister-in-law according to my mother-in-law sarah came over to her place on friday the writing was on the wall and she was basically forced to quit despite her trying to start from scratch as a line cook the entire staff turned against her nothing was coming back from the dish pit for her and she was getting the cold shoulder she is a great chef and i'll admit this is true but they took no chances since it turns out i crap you not they are partly owned by a chinese investment company found this hard to believe and didn't want to add this detail but it turned out to be true after some research i won't say any further for privacy what also got around in the local industry and sarah is essentially blacklisted from high-end establishments she is now considering selling her home and moving to find work as much as i don't like her and found her behavior horrifying i didn't intend for this to happen so i've reached out to some buds in other states to see if they had any openings whether or not she wants to take it is up to her and no she has not apologized for anything either but i still want to be a decent person to her it sure as hell doesn't feel like a happy ending perhaps a bittersweet justice but that's all i can give you thank you all for your support and for reading unexposed is titled am i the [ __ ] for bluntly telling my sister i don't care if people think i'm homophobic bit of a loaded title i'll admit but to give some context i 22 male have an older sister sky 26 female when i was in high school our mother 48 female cheated on our dad 48 male and left us to be with her boyfriend when our dad moved on he wound up dating frieda 41 female the mother of phil 22 male my bully who never did anything but make fun of me and if you know you know that words can really hurt i begged him not to be with her i really really begged him but he did not listen the worst part was having to go with him to their house my sister is the only one who realized how distraught i was i had to go and so i left to be with my mother my dad took that personally and thought i was just trying to spite him moving on i only stayed with my mother until skye got her own apartment and i moved in with her as soon as i could she never cut off contact with our dad which is fair because she was a lot closer to him than i was and she never pushed me to go to him or to our mother my high school life only got worse after i left my dad and university has been such a goddamn godsend since everybody here is nice and stuff my graduation is coming up in april and i sent early invites to my dad and to my mother but not to the families they have now mother accepted but dad called demanding invites for frida and phil i said no and told them that it's to prove to him that i'm not homophobic that caught me off guard but i didn't back down yesterday i talked to my sister about it and she told me that because phil's gay they've been telling everyone that i don't come over and see him because i am homophobic she told me that she always sticks up for me and defends me but she wishes i could reconcile with him since it hurts her because people we know probably think the worst of me i got pissed off and i told her in a really rude way not to bother since i don't care if anybody thinks i'm homophobic she got really sad and told me that she would never stop defending me and i just huffed and we really didn't talk for the rest of the day but i've slept on it really bad and i never should have said that to her because since she isn't pushing for me to reconcile and she's the one who defends me and i know my tone was really mean i really feel like a major [ __ ] and that i never should have hurt her by saying those things hence why i'm on reddit instead of studying for finals and edit since people keep wondering this yes my dad knows that i was bullied by phil but he doesn't think that it was real bullying and my sister has a good relationship with my dad and his new family new kids and all she loves him and i'm not going to try to force her to choose between us and now in the comments not the [ __ ] phil is still bullying you he's just changed his tactics and since opie's dad has taken so clearly phil's side over his own son maybe he needs to be uninvited too that's the worst part of it as somebody who was bullied in high school i could at least counter my parents when teachers or school admin didn't do anything about bullies dad might be the worst for that rp should try to reconcile with sister mum seems alright too but detached from this issue but f everybody else not the [ __ ] i don't know who they are badmouthing you to but this is one of the few cases where i'd go nuclear phil was a bully has he ever apologized has his mother if it's to family contact them directly if it's friends post it on their bloody facebook pages i don't understand how as a dad you make his child live with a bully and repeatedly choose the bully not the [ __ ] bully does as bully sees i guess frida was a very good teacher to fill shame on opie's dad and i'm curious what does fake bullying look like anyway does that kind of bullying hurt less i guess that everything that doesn't leave people with physical long-lasting issues is not real bullying for opie's dad at least that was the position of some teachers i had in high school whenever someone complained about bullying they asked are you hurt were you hit etc etc real winners all of them i don't think you're the [ __ ] you should definitely apologize to your sister though your dad that's a real [ __ ] phil being gay doesn't justify being a bully definitely an [ __ ] and frida allowing her son to be a bully also an [ __ ] yes apologize to your sister she is the one person besides you who doesn't suck she's been in your corner since day one she does care and now on to the update so since i got a few dms about it i figured i'd update so i apologized to my sister as soon as she came home from work and she forgave me we had a talk and it's like a lot of you said i can't risk this crap spreading in case it affects my future career prospects i've always been kind of out of the closet where if you ask i'll tell but if not then whatever but we agreed that the best thing to do would be for me to officially come out since i don't want to email or message all of the individual relatives my dad's family have been saying this crap about me to if they believe them after that well then that's on them regardless i came out as bisexual on facebook and instagram changed my profiles to show that i'm bi and set up a coming out party where my friends and some of these relatives were invited kept in line with restrictions it was a fun party but it was weird since it felt like i was flaunting my sexuality and i'm probably never going to do it again but yeah i think that one potential disaster has been averted overall things have been pretty good since then my mom visited and told me how proud she was that i was being true to myself and apologized for what she did for us not being that close i don't know if we will be again but we've been talking every day since then and it feels good my dad has not called or messaged me at all phil emailed me congratulating me on coming out and pretty much apologizing for everything without actually apologizing freda however called me crying and apologized for everything while telling me she was proud of me for coming out we had to talk about everything and i think we've come to an understanding as far as my dad is concerned my sister told me that dad was really out of sorts after the announcement and was really regretful about what he did she offered to set up a meeting but he told her he didn't deserve one and needed to ask me himself she also told me that she had heard freda bitching him out for alienating me and phil for how he acted quite a few times end of the day my dad hasn't reached out yet part of me hopes that he will but maybe it's best if he doesn't so thanks guys you did spur me to take action and nip that issue in the bud and now in the comments your feelings about being bi sound similar to mine about being ace even though i know it's weird to the rest of the world to me it is just the way i am and doesn't feel special a coming out party and public announcement would make me cringe at least it's over with for you and it sounds like it was worth it sucks that you had to come out before you were ready and in a way that you really didn't want to just because they spread malicious rumors about you and opie replies i mean i was already out and i've dated guys but it was a don't ask i won't tell situation wow your dad really sucks then he didn't know that you've dated guys but really had the nerve to say that you were homophobic for not inviting a bully why is he invited again doesn't seem like a relationship with him is even worth it he didn't think that you were actually being bullied then spreads lies about you being homophobic what redeeming qualities does he have and op says he's not invited anymore well he had that coming and he sounds like he's accepting of the consequences this is definitely pushing your father into a corner but now i feel like even if he did apologize it won't be for the right reason he was ready to call you a homophobic and if he were to apologize before you coming out it'd be about planning a libel on you his own son flesh and blood for ignoring and invalidating your feelings as your parents when you needed him the most but if he is ever going to apologize now even if he looks honest it will be because you have officially defeated him in his game of gaslighting and she might question his sincerity forever but it's his price to pay for breaking your trust as someone who supposedly would save you from the world but yet he won't even trust you for being bullied ffs i hope you found peace truly endopee replies oh yeah it sucks that i got trust issues with both of my parents but hey the man wanted to play the game so i played ali bommy by the game at the party and symbolically knocked his ass out like ali but all jokes aside you are right that things will never be the same between us i guess the silver lining is that i got a free ticket for my grad i hope one day you and frida can be cool i don't know if she was perpetuating the lie that you were homophobe but if not since she is defending you to both your dad and phil maybe she is a good egg or at least not as rotten as the other two and opie says i honestly was thinking of giving her the spare grad ticket for the lols am i the [ __ ] for gifting my mum and her husband a book on cheating for their anniversary i'm 16 male and i love my mom 35 but when i was 10 she had an affair and left us i visited her as often as i could and she always seemed so happy when i was there but i hated her new family so i stopped visiting honestly we rarely ever saw each other after just for my birthday and events really she wants us to be close but i want nothing to do with her new husband so i have kept my distance except on february 20th my dad announced that he would be out on business till the 12th and my grandparents are stuck visiting relatives in italy and so i really had nowhere to go and my mum jumped at the chance to have me stay with her and just my luck that my mom's anniversary with her husband was on sunday i haven't had a good time here at all so all i do is stay in my room doing homework or go out with friends to avoid family activities because it sucks seeing how lovey-dovey she is with her husband and how they seem like the perfect family with their daughters the morning before her anniversary day she came to my bed and tried to cuddle with me like before she left us but it made me angry like we can't go back in time and pretend it's how it was so i just pretended to be asleep and stayed curled up and frozen until she left i started crying because of that and i felt angry and snarky and my mum majored in literature so i got her a copy of anna karanina for her anniversary that book's about a lady who leaves her husband in sun for her lover i have never read it but i watched a movie with my girlfriend and i hated it the anniversary party was on sunday everyone was having fun but me and then people gave their gifts i gave mine and when my mum saw what it was she seemed shocked but just said thanks the party ended like an hour after but at night when she was in her room i heard her crying really loudly so i kind of eavesdropped a little and heard her saying stuff about that book and me and her husband tried calming her down the next day at breakfast she left for work early before i woke up and her husband straight up called me an [ __ ] and other stuff for gifting them that it's been a few days now and my mum has barely talked to me honestly i feel so wrong that i made my mum cry but at the same time i don't want to be here and she knows that so am i really the [ __ ] and edit thankfully the mods have locked this but to everyone who's dming me here are some facts to read before you do i gave my mom the book to try and get it across to her that i hate being at her house and being around her family and that it hurts me to be there because i sympathized with the son from the movie not because i wanted trained to run her over i do not want that to happen to my mom i do not want my dad to get back together with my mom he is happy with his fiancee my dad has his reasons for not wanting me to go to therapy and is just being protective and yes i stopped visiting my mom because i hate her husband but she had custody of me on weekends or breaks she could have forced me to be with her but since being with him or making him be with us whenever i did go to her was more important she never tried anything beyond the bare minimum of going to big events and now in the comments definitely not the [ __ ] for one anna caronina is a classic and a great gift for another if the shoe fits not the [ __ ] okay so i get you're mad but you do recall that anna loses absolutely everything because she leaves her family and is torn away from her children because her legal husband refuses to let her see them which is contrasted against her brother getting away with multiple affairs and not losing his status or children and then she begins to lose her mind because she thinks her lover no longer wants her so she kills herself that is an extremely loaded gift did you really mean to imply with it that you hope her life falls apart like that now i don't blame you for being angry but i think you should ask your dad about therapy it is clear that you have been holding six years worth of pain inside and that is not good for you you are poisoning yourself with anger and sadness over what has happened and if you don't learn how to gently work it out of your system you will keep hurting yourself and people you do love i suspect there is still love for your mum in there it's just that you were sad and hurt that she did this and it feels like she left you she did a shitty thing but i think she really wishes she could make it up to you she's not gone about it the right way but if you can talk it out with her you may be able to slowly mend and rebuild a relationship with her opie i get your anger and hurt i really do but it does sound like mum wants to make it up to you she is not a psychic so maybe if you can talk to her one-on-one about how you feel you guys can start over and in replies to all of that opie says of course not i don't want my mum to die he's not going to let me go to therapy i do love her she's my mom i will never not love her and if she was willing to actually have one-on-one time without her family being around then yeah we could start over not the [ __ ] your mum had to face her past horrible behavior and your gift caused her to have to confront the fact that her affair affects you negatively to this day her husband needs to stay the hell out of it if he says anything else to you perhaps you should challenge him on it oh so you'd be okay with my mum cheating on you and walking away from you and your kids for a new man because that's what your behavior is telling me and from the pov of the kid who was left i can tell you it has affected me in a negative way ever since it happened and your crappy attitude is the largest reason why i don't like to visit with my mom i don't like you i never have so keep your opinions about me to yourself don't let your mom's tears guilt you did any of your tears after she left your family ever move her to action follow her lead on that and opie has some replies to that and says honestly i hate him and just don't say anything to him no matter how much he reaches out after he ranted at me on monday i just gave him an are you done look and left to go to school however this is amazing so maybe i will say all of that and she wasn't trying to guilt me she didn't know that i was eavesdropping so i guess take all these replies as you will people our next post is titled am i the [ __ ] for telling my husband to stop speaking spanish when i'm around so my husband is from spain and i am from germany we met in germany and between us we speak german i don't know how to speak spanish we moved to miami six months ago because of his job and i hate when he starts to speak spanish with random people especially in restaurants or his friends it feels like he doesn't give an f about me and when he speaks spanish i'm just standing there without knowing what he is talking about normally he always speaks english with other people if we are together and he doesn't know the other person but if he knows that the other person knows how to speak spanish he would always talk in spanish he just forgets about me i've told him that i feel weird when he's talking to other people in a language i don't understand and i've told him that if i'm with him he should always talk to other people in english he says that they are usually short conversations this is true but it's still strange to stand there with a smile without knowing what they're talking about and that it's weird for him to talk to someone in a different language that they usually talk he also says that he loves to use spanish in his day-to-day life and that i should understand that am i the [ __ ] i'm not telling him to stop speaking spanish i'm just telling him to stop speaking spanish when i'm around we live in miami everyone knows how to speak english and for some info everyone is asking why i don't learn spanish now when we started dating i decided to learn basque he is from the basque country a region north of spain and they have their own language that is different to any other language in the world because that is the language that he speaks with the majority of his family the problem is that it is a really difficult language and i ended up giving up i would love to learn spanish but i don't have the time right now and now in the comments you're the [ __ ] you live in miami 66 of the people in miami speak spanish often it is their native language don't ask your husband to ignore his birth language deal with your insecurities this and try to learn spanish you say you don't have time but i do duolingo every day for 10 to 15 minutes and i can already say several sentences and understand pretty much everything in spanish this you don't have time to learn spanish but i bet you do we all waste time on our phones daily take some of that time even just 10 to 15 minutes and devote it to learning spanish both you and your husband will be happier and you're the [ __ ] you're the [ __ ] you are incredibly ignorant and disrespectful of his origins as if you wouldn't start speaking german if you met german speakers only difference is that the husband can understand her gonna hazard a guess that he wasn't raised speaking german so if he can learn german she can learn some spanish or build a bridge to peace and figure out a way over it fellow german here you're the [ __ ] just learn spanish if you can't handle not knowing everything for five minutes it might help with that arrogance too our next post is titled am i the [ __ ] for criticizing my son's decision to buy a really expensive computer my son is 20 male and in college but he's a little spendy with his money recently he's been interested in restoring old computers and i don't get the appeal of such they are obsolete for a reason yet they can cost dozens or even hundreds and they kind of become a mess with how disorganized he is recently my son got a job at the apple store and needed a new laptop because the one that he got was defective and he couldn't return it even after it went out for repair several times so he was able to contact his credit card company and issue a refund and he pawned off the laptop to the highest bidder he told me that he was going to get a macbook but i didn't expect him to pay six thousand dollars on a fully decked out machine with massive amounts of memory and storage that he doesn't need i got on him and told him that he needs to be more responsible with his money and that he can't just be buying stuff like this willy-nilly and demanded that he return it and get a cheaper model because i don't want to hear any sob stories about how it broke he then began to yell back at me for us to get off his back and that we need to stop nosing in on his personal decisions and judging his every move that he needs the power because he's a computer engineering major and that the last thing he needs is me breathing down his neck after we expressed our dismay about him getting a part-time job behind our back instead of prioritizing his studies and not add stress to his workload since then he has given me the cold shoulder and doesn't update me on what's going on like he usually did before this which is leading me to reconsider everything and now in the comments so he's doing a degree in computer engineering and you don't trust him to know what computer he needs because you think he's just a kid who can get by with a basic one and moreover you gave him a hard time for getting a part-time job to help support himself for god's sake cut the apron strings you're the [ __ ] one he is an adult now let him make his own mistakes and fix them two he's studying computer engineering that computer will take him a long way and three it is his money you're the [ __ ] he's an adult and you are being extremely controlling he can get a part-time job if he wants it is none of your business and it doesn't mean that he's not prioritizing his studies you need to cut the apron strings as someone who studied computing he's right a powerful machine will be useful to him you're the [ __ ] and every comment here you add confirms it you already explained yourself in the post repeating the same arguments doesn't make them any better it just reinforces that you are the [ __ ] our next post is titled am i the [ __ ] for not telling my fiance directly i technically own a house so i technically own a house but it isn't really mine my dad has really bad credits and my mother doesn't work they had enough money for a deposit but would never have qualified for a mortgage so once my sister and i got our first jobs they bought the house in our names me and my sister both consider it their house though and while i contribute as i live with them my dad pays for the mortgage it honestly never crossed my mind to mention the house to my fiance until i was about to sign the prenup that his lawyer drafted when i explained the situation to my lawyer he advised that i include it in the agreement my fiance found out after my lawyer sent the new version to his i didn't think that he would be upset over it but he is he said i should have told him directly and he shouldn't have had to find out from reading the new prenuptial agreement i hadn't seen him in person before the new agreement was sent to them which is why i never mentioned it since i didn't think we should talk about it on the phone it also wasn't a big deal to me so i didn't think i needed to immediately mention it am i the [ __ ] and now in the comments you're the [ __ ] i get that it isn't a big deal to you but i think for many or at least me it would be you own a house technically or not that will have a big impact on your ability to get credit etc it also puts you in financial risk should your parents suddenly be unable to pay if you suddenly have to pay for the house you own that has an enormous impact on your ability to pay with your fiance for a house you want to own together i definitely would have wanted to know something like this before getting married it's a large financial risk burden and asset all rolled into one it means he has to trust your parents that they will continue to pay for your mortgage how well does he know them this is a big deal how will you two buy a house together if you're still on the hook for one already as a mortgage professional i can confirm it will absolutely impact their ability to qualify for a mortgage on their own too because you can't exclude a mortgage if someone else is paying for it unless they are legally obligated on the mortgage which they are not so the housing experience will be included as a debt for op this would be a big deal to me because op is putting their credit and possible future finances on the line parents didn't get poor credit by accident it happened because they don't pay their debt on time bad plan by all parties you're the [ __ ] because this is a pretty big deal financially it will limit the kind of home loans that you can get and could potentially make it a lot harder to buy a house if it is possible at all if you previously discussed your finances with him and left this out that's a pretty big omission to make you're the [ __ ] you were marrying someone and kept significant financial information from them you might not be paying the monthly bill but the house is in your name and you own it if your parents stop paying guess who's responsible you this affects your credits and any future homes that you want to buy or your ability to get a line of credit you should have told him when the talks of marriage started our next post is titled am i the [ __ ] for not holding my daughter so my husband could nab so i 36 male i'm a professor at a local university i love my job but the amount of classes i teach makes it very demanding we are decently wealthy due to stock investments so my husband also 36 male stays home with our daughter who was born six months ago via surrogate my husband wanted to be a stay-at-home husband and father he does the majority of housework and i admit i could definitely pitch in more when it comes to cooking cleaning laundry etc when it comes to our daughter however i consider myself to be very attentive and when i'm home before her bedtime i put out a bed play with her feed her etc this evening i came home and informed my husband i had an important presentation i was doing to be able to get a research grant for work he was frazzled when i came home and seemed pretty exhausted and our daughter was crying i held her for about 10 minutes while he was able to shower and get changed and she calmed down considerably in that time however when he came back downstairs and i tried to hand her off to attend my zoom meeting my husband wouldn't take her he said she was asleep with me quickly and that he wanted to go and sleep too so he could catch up now that i was home and she had calmed down i told him that i had an important meeting in around 10 minutes and i wouldn't be able to hold her during the meeting because i needed full mobility to present and type and i didn't want to wake her he exploded on me saying i do nothing around the house and he is exhausted all the time i told him we can talk about the distribution of labor later but that right now i needed to go to my meeting and he couldn't sleep i handed him back our daughter after a little more arguing went to my meeting and when i came out now he won't speak to me am i the [ __ ] for refusing to hold my daughter until after the meeting and now in the comments you're the [ __ ] your husband is going to burn out and you seem to think a 10 minute break for a shower is doing enough it's 20 22. not a single person in the world is going to blink about a baby in a zoom meeting make time quickly or you will lose them both seriously about the zoom thing i think my male ceo has a baby in his lap more often than not if anything the attendants would go ah and then depending on the actual importance of the meeting probably fawn over the tiny one can confirm i've gone oh also for pets also when the babies are upset we have offered to reschedule the meeting or wait agreed babies and pets showing up on zoom has been one of my favorite things since we all started zooming and just want to comment to all the parents out there when your kid is being cute and adorable it is so cute to see and also when your kid is whining or crying or being the opposite of adorable child-free folks like me are also thinking holy f it's got to be hard to be a parent thank god i don't have kids in this pandemic there is no way that i would make it there have been times these last two years where it's been tough just taking care of me without going crazy i cannot imagine the pressure of being responsible for keeping a tiny human alive through all of this honestly in a covered world i am in awe of anyone who takes on being a parent so don't judge yourself too hard if the kids are screaming or etc during zoom it is fine crap happens we are all rooting for you not the [ __ ] for this one night meetings happen however you're the [ __ ] for letting it get to the point where your husband was so frustrated that he exploded do better with helping around the house or if you were decently wealthy consider hiring a maid or relief sitter to come in at least once a week op replies my husband refuses to let me hire a maid i have made the suggestion multiple times i'll broach the idea of acido your husband is the [ __ ] for refusing the maid you offered a solution and he won't accept it perhaps he won't accept it because he wants o.p to participate more and hiring help gives rp another excuse to avoid participating i say participate because the baby is not the husband's responsibility rp wouldn't be helping out he would be actively participating in his family i think that's total crap providing a maid is helping working a few extra hours to cover it is participating some people are just miserable doing house chores if hiring help makes you happier and doesn't break the bank do it i don't discern a difference between working a few more hours and hiring help instead of doing chores directly as for specifically time with the child i agree with you the post specifically mentioned opie's efforts on that front though so i feel that's an unfair point in this context these posts usually boil down to the working parents switching off when they get home leaving the stay-at-home parents to pull their weight in the off hours alright and i hope you enjoyed these five stories today guys tell me what you thought of it down below in the comments i'd love to know what you guys think and please watch my live streams love you all and i'll see you in the next one bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 15,495

Keywords: aita, r/aita, aita reddit, aita update, reddit aita, reddit, reddit stories, relationship advice, reddit update, askreddit, reddit real voice, reddit relationships, ask reddit, stories, podcast, entitled people, charlotte dobre, best reddit posts, reddit cheating, reddit infidelity, reddit relationship advice, reddit relationships update, reddit stories update, reddit aita update, relationship, relationships

Id: 8tVr3Ukle88

Length: 115min 17sec (6917 seconds)

Published: Sun May 15 2022