I Made A FAKE Game To Prove Steam Will Publish Anything

I want you to tell me what the three of these games have in common okay you B Canyon Capers overwat I'll give you 5 Seconds to answer nope never mind you're already wrong it's that none of them should have ever been allowed to be published I don't know what Goblin valve has smashed into their steamwork software that allows half of these games to go through review but God does that little rat boy need to be punished no get back in there you don't get outside time back it seems as though as long as you slap a character controller a menu and pay steam's $100 fee they'll basically allow anything onto their site and I mean anything hey I made this game oh nice uh what what is it you uh you you put your finger in dogs you you put your what what the [ __ ] is wrong with like you're a disgusting human being what kind of [ __ ] monster thinks of something like that you degenerate disgusting piece of oh wait did you pay the $100 fee yeah oh then I don't give a [ __ ] look your your games on the steam page and me being a dumbass with a dead YouTube channel and mediocre game development skills had to beg the question ever since I made that video where I played some of the worst reviewed indie games I have been racking my brain brain trying to find out how some of these things actually are allowed to be put on Steam so I put on my investigator cap and did some digging initially I thought this was an automated process which would explain how some of these irradiated babies of video games could be allowed to be published what the [ __ ] but that was just a theory an unfunny YouTuber Theory so I decided to open my own steam direct publishing account this is the medium that every single person developing on Steam has has to go through from Bungie and Activision to video game Dunkey and Danny and at a cursory glance there is really not a single thing laying out any extreme guidelines for what you can and can't publish on the site there's obviously the boilerplate hey um I know eventually someone's going to try and like be a Nazi so this is here so you can't sue us kind of thing but aside from that the only thing they really seem to care about is getting your money before absolutely anything happens they mentioned this payment or fee probably 20 to 30 times throughout just this first page and aside from that I found out that each and every single game is manually reviewed by a real person which in hindsight is really [ __ ] funny and now that we know exactly what we're going to need to publish on Steam let's start making our shitty game unity as two clicks Phillips so lovingly put it is good enough for bad games and now that I know whatever I make is going to be manually reviewed and play tested by a real human being I want that beautiful little square to be the first thing they see when they launch this because remember this is not a video about how to get a game published on Steam this is a video about what you can get published on Steam so I launched unity and made a new project with a title that befitted the game now I want it to be the douchiest laziest most encourageable game developer that ever existed so I tried to remake the atmosphere or half these time syncs were developed so I went into the basement closed all my blinds turned off all the lights put on my favorite vtuber on my second Monitor and turned on my Naruto Kakashi light then I just started stealing code the sad part is besides the vtuber those are all just things I had on hand in my bedroom initially I thought I would just ask chat GPT to do all the programming for me because that seemed the most immoral but unfortunately this is as far as the chat GPT character controller got me if this game was quadriplegic simulator then this would have worked perfectly but unfortunately I want my character to be able to move that was a really [ __ ] up joke Jesus Christ should I keep that in anyway we're back to the industry standard of copy and pasting from GitHub and within 1 minute we have our character walking around the island also I made this island in blender but I forgot to mention that earlier in the script so I'm saying it now haha I really can just write anything right now and future me has to say it that's so funny my balls hurt ha I have a small penis I'm I'm really funny and like any good game developer I went to the asset store and added any and all free models I thought I could use then I added some postprocessing in this cool little Sky box and just like that my game looks like every other stylized indie game to ever be made on Unity God I I can't wait for all of the comments to be like wo is widy NY jaky if he did Danny video game bro is like Drew Gooden if he made video game shut the [ __ ] up I get it I have a green screen and I talk about dick and balls move on all that aside I thought it was probably time to actually add some Interac ability to our game because that's apparently the whole point of a video game and my general idea was that I wanted to make the game playable but make sure there wasn't really anything to actually do so I came up with the idea of a farm and no I'm not going to elaborate further than that so I grabbed this low poly animal pack added them to the scene and made a prompt that pops up when you're close and added a script that plays an audio CU when you press e on and now that I have that I have to add some sound effects but I think it'd be way funnier if I did them myself and now you may be saying Eli how do you plan on making a ton of different sound effects for a bunch of different animals well I kind of free called it so this is for the cow um oh God what do I say um uh I'm going to [ __ ] you silly so once that was done I threw it in the game and this was the summation of all my work I'm going to [ __ ] you silly I did some extra scene work staged all my assets and wow it is really not that hard to make a good-looking game if you just steal everything with the scene all set up I finally just had to make a main menu and I didn't want to put in any actual effort so I followed this tutorial that made a main menu in 5 minutes and you know it worked and with some personal touches and finalization of details we built and ran meet the animals [Music] [Music] now you'll probably notice I didn't add any of the admittedly graphic language in the promotional cut on Steam and that's because I think it would be way funnier to see this pretty stylized location with cute animals and then you walk up to a sheep and realizing it's asking you to [ __ ] it I I still have the humor of a seventh grader I get it now this may be breaking rule seven of the steam direct rules where you can't intentionally shock or disturb players I'm genuinely not sure how much much of this I'm allowed to show cuz they made me sign an actual [ __ ] NDA like this is some top secret organization do you promise not to tell a single [ __ ] soul what you saw today unless we have to put a bullet through your goddamn head are you talking about the website where I just uploaded all the images for my store Page yeah what else would we be hiding after that I had to decode the absolute [ __ ] puzzle that is uploading your game to the steam pipe I don't even know what I did or how I did it so I'm not even going to try and explain what the [ __ ] is going on here once that's over the website just magically updates and knows exactly what files you uploaded and that was crazy to me for about 30 seconds until I realized this was an 8 billion tech company with the largest game publisher site in the world and then it was less cool like I sound kind of dumb saying it but I half expected there to just be like a big upload button that you drag and drop the game files onto but hey thanks to this the IRS now has another tax document they can use to imprison me I I'm 19 and I don't know how taxes work and I don't know how to file them and I genuinely need help okay update over I will continue to write the script once the process is done why did I write that I'm recording it all after the script is so unfortunately it looks like we came up to a bit of a snag during the actual okay all you have to do is not look away from the camera in the middle of your sentence okay you got this reviewing process [ __ ] it seems as though whoever reviewed my store Page didn't love the initial description of my game and wanted me to be more specific about the actual features inside the gameplay unfortunately there's not a lot of features in the gameplay so I kind of just bullshitted a bunch of artsy sounding stuff to see if that would get me by and yet again they denied my store Page because the About Me section was not descriptive enough I think I'm actually just going to have to resort to making up random [ __ ] I'm going to try my best to kind of just cop be exactly what this other [ __ ] indie game did because if they can get published I can get published and it seems like the best way to go about that is adding this key feature section because apparently steam wants players to know what's in the game before they spend their money on it which is [ __ ] ridiculous now I want to say there are Easter eggs in the game because it looks good in the description but I didn't actually add any Easter eggs in the game so I'm just going to going to go and do that real quick so I added those dumb little Easter eggs and finish the key features section in the game description I also decided to make the game 99s it was the cheapest I could make the game without actually making it free but I felt as though if I made the game free it would kind of allow steam a lot more wiggle room with what they will publish and what they won't publish cuz people wouldn't be spending their money on it so I made it paid but as cheap as I could and now all I have to do is wait another 3 days for them to review it all right they finally accepted my steam page now let's actually you know prep for the release of the game oh oh um never mind the game failed the automatic build test what the [ __ ] does that mean I guess I will wait an unspecified amount of time for someone to fix it okay after 13 full days they they finally reviewed it only to tell me I forgot to check off the sexual content Box 2 weeks I waited 2 weeks for that could this entire process have only taken a couple days if I made an actual game with real features and mechanics yes would that have been a good YouTube video also probably yes but the sunk cost fallacy lives strong within me so we're going to keep pushing this time the steam page got denied because I forgot to add the right builds to the packages whatever the [ __ ] that means so I'm going to be waiting yet another couple days which means we have crossed the full month line I've made two separate videos in the time it took for this scam to be reviewed and I am dreading having to edit this entire thing but in better news after a full month of waiting 20 hours of work and $100 sank look who games on Steam [ __ ] and guess who sold a whole $7 worth of units this guy which means I made a whole 93 on this video not to flex on you guys but I'm kind of built differently this guy's a [ __ ] douchebag see in the big leagues kiddo I'm one of the cool game development YouTubers now I kind of make games God he's such a [ __ ] tweeb aside from it being one of steam's best selling games of all time I got dozens of messages asking for media collaborations most of them are Chinese guys trying to promote their Billy Billy accounts but hey any promotion is good promotion in my eyes but that's about it for me guys um if there's any big updates regarding the game I'll post them on Twitter and the YouTube social tab which means you're going to have to follow me on Twitter and subscribe to my YouTube channel or don't but you watched I don't know I haven't trimmed down the recording yet uh 13 14ish minutes so you might as well I'll keep making videos you like it this much all right have a good night guys I'm tired and I have to work after recording this [ __ ] me I forgot about that peace

Channel: TrashedCans

Views: 196,813

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Id: -cMzUZtzc38

Length: 13min 5sec (785 seconds)

Published: Sun May 12 2024