I Have No Idea How I Got Away With That, but I Won't Question It

what's your i have no idea how i got away with that but i won't question it story russian soldiers started executing people inside my apartment block 1994 chechnya so i pretended i was their supply boy for the army by quickly running up to one of the soldiers and asking if they needed more ammo that was it just look like you have a purpose and don't panic they ended up sending me to actually get a box from their camp which i had no clue how to do but i managed eventually and i ended up being a supply boy for the next month or so until they realized i was not actually with them i didn't actually do much i just stayed in their camp and ate their food and hid when they called names around maybe 50 60 people were killed in that apartment i could have easily been one of them holy crap dude literally all the other stories are about getting free crap easy a's and breaks from cops yours is like life and death my very first job when i was 16 was at an mci now veris and phil younes call center when i interviewed and got the job i had no idea what i'd be doing on the job i was just excited i didn't have to work at mcdonald's or taco bell so first day of training i learned my job was to sell long distance phone plans this was back when people still heavily relied on landlines i was training to be that guy that interrupted your family dinner to sell you on a can't miss long distance phone plan i was thinking wtf i'm only 16 i barely know how to speak to adults how the frick do they expect a kid to sell families a phone plan i got through the first day of intensive sales training and never returned i didn't tell anyone i just didn't show up ever again i thought they'd take it that i quit so about three weeks later i get the check in the mail for over four hundred dollars i think to myself wow that's a nice check for only one day of training three weeks after that i get another one this went on for about two months since mci was a huge corporation i didn't question it nor attempted to return the money they never contacted me asking for the money back but i was happy to be paid a few thousand for one day of work tldr i quit my first job as a telemarketer on the first day of training i continued to get paid two months after went to the apple store because i dropped my phone in a puddle and it broke i spoke with one employee who told me they really couldn't do anything about it due to water damage etc well after he disappeared into the back i never saw him again but another employee came up to me and said that my phone was ready he scanned the new phone took my old one and asked if i wanted to import my contacts files i told him i had them backed up and got the frick out before they figured anything out i still have no idea how that came to be i was a new manager at a store and was supposed to open the doors for the employees at 7am then open for business at 8am well i woke up around 9 30 and proceeded to freak out got dressed and drove about 90 miles per hour down the freeway when i get there i see a crowd of people waiting outside employees sitting on the ground customers lined up and i was sure i was going to get fired i rush the employees in and we open a little after 10 i figured one of the following would get my court an employee would mention it to someone higher up a customer would call and complain the security company would alert lp that they didn't receive a disarm within the allotted time frame or someone would notice we had no sales for two hours after opening nothing at all happened i have no idea how nobody noticed but it was never even mentioned past a few comments from people that were there that morning service jobs everyone below you doesn't care enough as long as you're not a dong i wanted to go to a concert but it was sold out and 21 plus i was not 21 so i baked a cake and pretended to be the cake delivery person it got me backstage this is the most stupidly genius thing i've ever read in california there is a really weird dmv loophole that i found i got my c-class license when i was 16 and like everybody else i had restrictions on it because i was still underage such as no driving between 11 p.m and 5 a.m no passengers under age 20 which is the norm for new drivers before a year had passed the restrictions were still applied i got my motorcycle license at age 17 and right after i passed the test they traded my m permit and my c license for a new universal license and what do you know no restrictions i guess they just assume motorcyclists are above age 18. i couldn't understand why they haven't caught this before i was a freshman in college at lasalle university it was the first week of school and so we decided to go to our first party being freshman we have never heard of the abc alcohol control board or something like that so we were in line for the keg when i noticed an older man pushing his way forcefully through the line to the back of the house here i am thinking wow this guy needs a beer enough to pee everyone off then i saw his badge we all immediately put down our beers but it was too late they had blocked off the house front and back entrance from there they explained to us that everyone in here under 21 will be getting a ticket for underage consumption of alcohol if you can pass a brief eliza you can leave no problem so a large group of people deciding well this party is over best get my ticket and move on so the night isn't totally ruined and we can go to the next party we had the same thought and went towards the back of the house where there were less people waiting in line to get their tickets my one friend goes in first finds the first open cop not writing a ticket and starts giving his info every other officer is busy head down writing or talking with other party goers finding out their level of involvement etc my friend next in line looks back at us with wide eyes and motions us to walk forward now we follow him he walks right by every cop and out the back door there was one more cop manning the back door and he asked us so they all took care of you and there we all told him yes and were let out without any more question as soon as we made it down the block we couldn't contain our excitement anymore and started jumping and high-fiving each other it was awesome you forget living in australia where the drinking age is more a recommendation that people get arrested for this crap in other countries i was in basic training at fort jackson i was 18 years old once a week a platoon is selected to do kitchen duty which means getting up earlier than everyone else you're supposed to put a sock on your bunk so the people on fargot or cq wake you up early well i did get woken up but i didn't immediately get out of bed mistake i woke up in a panic after laying back down i jump out of my bunk and look out the window to see my platoon marching down the hill to the chow hall crap i throw my uniform on and run downstairs no one has noticed so far i run down to the chow hall and look in the window i see whoever is in charge of the briefing standing up in front of my platoon who are seated in the booths and tables listening the way the chow hall is laid out you have to wait in line along the walls to get your food and you are separated from the tables and chairs by a wall about three one stroke two feet tall i somehow sneak and without being noticed and run while ducking behind this wall till the end of it and rush and take a seat with my platoon while the kitchen person had their back turned no one that could do anything had noticed my over sleeping i felt like a ninja i was working at an equipment desk and had a shift for saturday from 7 a.m to 11 a.m i slept in big time and made it there at 9 30 a.m no calls from my boss no angry people waiting just a couple of towels sitting in the bin fast forward a month and a co-worker had the same shift and was laid by 30 minutes and got suspended for two weeks not entirely on topic for the thread as i know how i got away with it now but i didn't at the time in uni in one of the courses that i hated we got assigned a project that i really didn't want to do so i put it off and put it off until it was due the following day i still really didn't want to do it but put forth a minimum amount of effort to getting it done it was then that i realized that the project was going to take me more than a day to finish the project was worth a large portion of my grade for that class something like 30 and without it i'd end up failing eventually i figured that i could probably hand it in late with some sort of penalty and it would be all right so i just went to class during class the teacher announced during the hand in that he would not be allowing any late assignments and that if he didn't have our work on his desk by the end of class we'd be receiving a zero at this point i panicked my project wasn't anywhere near the point that i could hand it in even for partial marks so i just gambled that maybe i could slip it into the pile the next day or maybe come up with an excuse that the prof would be forced to accept by then the next day after the class i figured i'd just try to appeal to the teacher so i went up to him my late project in hand and was like so about the project he looked at me looked down at the papers in my hand and said firmly i'm not accepting any revisions to work you're just going to have to live with what you gave me yesterday confused but trying to play it cool i asked oh you ended up getting my assignment yesterday i had a friend hand it in for me i wasn't sure it made it to your desk this was a large class and he didn't take attendance or anything so i figured he wouldn't realize that i was in class the previous day he quickly flipped through his notes and nodded yep my abbreviated first name my last name i have you marked down as handed in and sure enough he showed me an assignment with what appeared to be my name on the cover sheet i sighed a sigh of relief and left class at the end of semester i received my grade of a c not great but a pass apparently my project had gotten a pretty bad grade but was enough that i didn't fail the course anyways i said i know now how it happened apparently there was a guy with the male version of my first name abbreviated the same way and the same last name in one of the other time slots for the same course the prof had given us both the grade from his project at least that's what i assume happened i suppose it's also possible that my male counterpart got a failing grade because of it i never really questioned what happened since i was just happy to have passed chances are the prof realized he freaked up and just said frickit and gave you both the same grade you think you are lucky and the prof hopes nobody else notices source i'm a professor has done something similar back in high school i took ap earth science which as most of you know is a bulls class or at least it was at my school almost no one got a passing score on the ap exam year after year because the teacher a really cool guy and super fun really didn't do a very good job at communicating the material one of the major types of assignments we had per chapter were these big packets of questions that were one line long per question printed back to back on two sheets of paper i'm talking about 100 200 questions average now these were short questions but frick me you couldn't find the right answers to them anywhere not online not in the book nothing after about the second packet i decided i didn't give even half a crap anymore at first it was just simple bullshittery towards about the middle of the second page of my answers i would just put in random nonsense that looked like answers just to see if he would actually read it nope i got 100 back every time even when several of my answers were recipes for banana bread that's when i got more aggressive about it from that point out i decided that as long as it looked like an answer he'd still give me full credit so i started to balls every answer by typing a couple of sentences worth of buzzwords it worked but i decided hey i can be lazier than this my final form was that for around eight chapters i copied and pasted the questions themselves except reformatted to look like answers this meant removing the question mark capitalizing the first word and replacing any word like what oh when or why with the they those and because i got full points for those eight chapters that sucks my apes class was awesome we had a really fun and knowledgeable teacher who would give good grades for an earnest attempt interest in the subject matter and never took points off for late assignments loved that class and the teacher and learned a ton eight-year-old me watched a man inside of a hilltop fun center open up the part of the machine that holds all of the tickets and tokens and begin fixing it midway through someone who i assume was his manager or boss came up to him and told him he needed help moving new equipment in the kitchen they both left and by the doings of the gods even though the guy closed and locked the machine up again he left behind his caddy full of tickets i took the two giant chunks of tickets that were stacked inside and ran to the ticket heater with them the total amounted to some 2.5 k tickets i was curious not to encounter the worker from whom i stole these tickets but to my fortune did not even see him again that day i gave my receipt to the guy at the desk and left with the arcade equivalent of a king's riches i was not persecuted further for having taken the tickets what did you do with your three bouncy balls when i was in seventh or eighth grade when t ping was super popular to do to your classmates or people you hated i happened to steal a key offer janitorial cart to the locked toilet paper holders in the bathrooms we funded our teeping efforts on the school's dime by stealing their toilet paper and stuffing our backpacks i handed the key around to all my friends and it eventually got so bad the school did a random search of every classroom in the school the day i had given the key to my friend mike as he had brought a big butt duffle bag to empty a few bathrooms before we knew the search was happening if i were to guess he had managed to pack over 60 rolls of tp into this bag the principal walked in told everyone to sit down and that he was going to go through everyone's lockers he went over to the teacher to explain what was going on and as he was busy with his brief conversation i looked over at mike horrified and he just confidently nodded at me i knew he had put that duffel bag in his locker i watched him i thought we were freaked we watched as the principal went through each locker opening every bag he could find trying to find out who was taking all the toilet paper but he got to mike's locker and i am sweating bullets he opens his locker and it is freaking empty like a book and some pencils but other than that there is nothing i just started laughing the principal looks at me like i am a psycho he is p beyond belief but he has nothing pointing to us i don't know what the heck mike did but we ended up keeping the principal that weekend with what we stole kamala looked over at mike horrified and he just confidently nodded at me mike's a freaking g i was 16 and had my first car a junkie thing it was and decided it would be smart to move some paraphernalia from being hidden in the basement of my parents house to my trunk just a few bongs assorted pipes and some seeds i was saving for some reason i was taking them to a friend's house for safekeeping as his parents were utterly uncaring of what he might have in his room and i get pulled over the items are in my trunk i didn't recognize the sheriff who pulled me over but he recognized me he immediately found my stash no actual weed just those items i mentioned and i was preparing for the handcuffs but instead he told me to drive to my house and he was going to follow me we get there and he follows me to the front door my dad is standing there looking curious and concerned the cop says your son has something he needs to tell you and i'll leave it to you to administer the proper amount of punishment see you at church sunday then he walks back to his car and leaves dad says so what did you do i just laughed and said my car broke down turned out i was out of gas he gave me just enough to get here and followed me here to make sure i made it dad was obviously relieved and i just plopped down on the couch and watched whatever dad was watching on tv i figured at least i'd get a few days reprieve before crap hit the fan sunday we went to church i had been dreading this and tried my best to get out of going but they were having none of that so now i recognize the sheriff he was one of the deacons as we walked into the chapel he said to my dad so did you punish the boy too hard my dad gave him this very solemn look and said i'm not sure we're done yet the sheriff gave him a grin and slapped him on the back and that was the last it ever came up i bought about one thousand dollars worth of ammo at gander mountain i knew exactly how much it would be beforehand so after the cashier was done scanning all of the ammo i swiped my card and didn't even pay attention to the price got home was putting away the ammo and saw that the receipt said something like 13 only one item had scanned the first one i handed to her kept my mouth shut ah the old buy one get 75 free deal in 10th grade lit we were supposed to do this huge packet about a book we were reading for some reason i was under the impression that the packet was just optional and was there to help us with the report we were supposed to do nope the packet was worth 50 points just like the report i learned this the day we were supposed to hand them in i straight up just didn't turn it in later the teacher called me up asking where my packet was and i lied and told her i turned it in she said oh giant gorilla dick that's what i thought i saw you doing it i probably just lost it don't worry i'll give you full credit i got a 92 average in that class i should have gotten a b she said oh giant gorilla dick well done sir edit whoa people i just thought it was funny that the op used her username in this story so casually oh god i know this is late but here goes i was 20 and smoking a drinking in a college dorm room with the girlfriend and four additional people we were toasted someone on the floor called campus police about the weed smell two campus cops show up and the kids whose room it was try to hide their crap and open the door two very young campers cops enter the room and start asking what is whose idiots left out the bomb all four of them start to point fingers at each other while my gf and i sit there in awe the cops start running ides and going one by one asking to search us he gets to me and i told him i don't consent to a search i guess it caught him off guard because he stumbled over his words and ended up letting my girlfriend and me go all the other four got arrested we get halfway down the hall and the girlfriend doesn't have her phone we have to go back so i knock on the door and it opens and i see everyone zip tie cuffed and i ask the cop to look around for her phone he finds nothing we decide to come back later to look and get in the elevator where i call her phone it rings from inside her shirt not only did we get let go once but we drunkenly went back for a phone that wasn't there and got let off again always chalk that one up to campus police inexperience smoking and drinking we were toasted yeah i accidentally got a free physical copy of fallout 3 gotti edition because i thought this webster had not sent it to me i complained they immediately returned my money with no further questions then i found out that the game had shipped to my other address dang son so rich you forget which house you're shipping your stuff to this is something i wrote in a previous thread but it is relevant i remember during high school i had failed a required course for graduation so i needed to take it during the summer when those blood drive buses came along you had an option of donating blood and getting a few hours bumped from the time you have to serve well i tried donating blood my blood pressure was too high to actually get it i saw some kid convulsing in the back and i guess i was pretty spooked at that point i had just wasted a bunch of time with nothing to show for it so i said frickit and decided to hang out with my night school friends outside and wait for my mom to come pick me up i recall being really freaking scared mostly because this was my last chance at a reasonably early graduation and i just missed out on a day's worth of ours it was during the car ride home i hatched a plan i basically found the blood drive image online and forged a medical document all done in microsoft word mind you the letter i wrote basically outlined that i had donated blood but there was a complication and i had to be rushed to the hospital i googled the blood drives forms just so it can appear convincing well the next day i was a nervous wreck because i didn't know and how much trouble i would get not only from the school but from my parents my parents were pretty much on the verge of disowning me at that point if i didn't get my crap together well i handed the teacher i use that word loosely more like a substitute the form with a shaky voice i managed to explain the lie not believing for a second i would get away with it at that moment my mind was going a mile a minute what if she doesn't believe me what if she presents us to the office what if the office shows this to the blood drive people they're not going to give me the hours they are going to call my parents my parents are going to disown me so while all of these horrible thoughts are going through my head the teacher just says oh my god that happened to you i just nodded meekly then she said okay no problem i'll fix it so as my heart palpitations stop i ask her so i'm getting the hours in her infinite mercy she just said yeah no problem let me just mark it down and she marked it down in her little folder and that was that i can't tell you the relief i felt i practically freaking danced to my seat my friends that sat next to me wondered why i look so self-satisfied but i just shrugged my shoulders now you're probably wondering what the point of this whole confession was this is the whole reason i donate blood whatever merciful divine entity allowed me to pass off that faker's frick form as real i thank you i thank you in blood you should find that teacher and send her a thank you letter written with your blood first semester of college i way overslept my geography final and went to the professor to try to at least turn in the paper that was due when i got to her office she accepted my paper and said that she lost my final so she gave me a 95 because i had gotten as on all the other tests i'm late to this so this will probably never get seen but anyways i was taking discrete math with the professor who really didn't want to teach the class and didn't much care and well the class was three times a week and the professor would cancel class at least once a week like clockwork my favorite was an email he sent out saying that his daughter was going to be sick on monday so class was cancelled this was on a friday anyways i would skip another of his classes every week and attend just once a week i probably did maybe a third of the homework for that class as well and ended up with an 80 overall i think he would either lose the stack of homework or just not be bothered to grade it and give everyone full marks so it came down to time for the final we were told that the final could not hurt your grade only help it so if you already have the grade you want you don't have to take it and even if you bomb the final you won't have a worse grade than you have already i had an 88 at this point and wanted to push it up the va there were about seven of us at the final when we got there the professor handed out the tests and we got to work i worked through the first two questions just fine and then got to the third question comma using the table in figure one on appendix a i flipped through the four pages of test no appendix only questions so i raised my hand got his attention and asked the question professor there's no appendix here for this question the professor walks over to my desk picks up my test paper and looks at the question then he flips the paper over then he flips through the pages in the center and then sets my paper down tells me to hang on for a moment and goes back to his desk ruffling through his folio after about three minutes of him rummaging around and intermittently looking at us he stands up and gets our attention he asks us if all of us have a b in the class one person in the back raises his hand and says that he has a d and is just trying to pass he looks us all over and says this is what i'm going to do i'm going to bump all of you up one letter grade and you can go home we all look at him and nod and he has us hand in our tests we grab our stuff and we take off and i got my a in that class something similar happened in one of the big econ classes at my school last year the professor rohitay somehow forgot misplaced either part of or all the final exams so she told everyone they could take a 90 or take the test if they wanted to score higher it was legendary there was a short queue at the airport security so i started browsing reddit to kill time i collected my belongings after they were scanned continued surfing on the phone and walked towards my gate slowly two minutes later my instinct told me to look back all the security officers were staring at me in astonishment i paused for a moment and realized i had forgotten to queue up for the body scan none of the officers signaled to me to go back so i just proceeded to my gate was driving home on my way back from a football game was doing about 100 miles per hour easily passed a state trooper and his lights come on my buddy was in the passenger seat freaking out because the whole car smelled like bs since he'd been drinking since noon and it was now 10 p.m i tell him to keep quiet and let me handle it cop pulls us over license registration etc etc he smells the beer and asks me to step out of the car while his partner is running my plates he starts the sobriety tests which i pass because i don't drink at football games anymore he asks me if i've been drinking i say no he asks me if i know why he pulled me over i say no he says he clocked me doing 85 in a 60 zone i had to stop myself from laughing we start bullshitting about the game i just came from where his team beat mine and i get him laughing he tells me to get back in my car i'm waiting there for about 5-10 minutes before he comes back to my passenger window and says just keep it under 70 and get this guy my buddy home safe have a good night nearly crap myself my buddy who has had trouble with cops before freaks out screaming about how he'd have been locked up for the night in the same situation oh my luck with police error cx tv 5867 parsing text null x66 spent all the day at disney waffle family and my mom had lost fifty dollars in cash that we needed for food we were starving so we went to some chicken stand and ordered small servings couldn't afford anything else but somehow the waiter brought a big bucket of chicken wings with fries and rice my mom tried to return it but the place was packed and the servers wouldn't listen we ate it all we were so full and then we left without anyone saying anything disney employees are encouraged to do magical stuff for guests like that give out free stuff when it will really make the gifted sparkle etc so they might have overheard your dilemma and did it on purpose other day a group of cops pulled over a bunch of people myself included for making an illegal maneuver that everyone makes it is a very poorly designed intersection where the turning lane is significantly smaller than the straight lane even though more people need the turning lane anyway they have a dozen or so people pulled over in this parking lot and are handing out tickets window to window i patiently await mine and our passes people who got pulled over well after me are already gone i start to think maybe they forgot about me another hour passes and i finally flag down an officer who looks stumped turns out they did in fact forget about me somehow someway and he told me to just be on my way the first time i almost got into a major car accident i was driving in some bad weather making one of those sharp highway exit turns and my car spun out of control for a few seconds when it stopped i was facing the right way and continued on to school without questioning how many people saw it or how i managed not to hit anything so basically i spun three times and when my car stopped i was at the end of the exit so i kept going 1989 i was 14 years old pay attention to this year because there's no way you'd get away with this today i wanted to go over to my cousin's house because i wanted to get high mom said no i waited till mom was asleep and stole her truck went to cousin's house got high got drunk got higher left in my mother's stolen truck at about 3 a.m five minutes from my house going down the back roads whoop whoop let's take a moment for me to explain that my mom knew all the cops because of my brother and his antics before me they were friends i mean all of them back to our story mr angus van hook hinson how are you doing tonight i'm just fine off cipher i can see you've been drinking oh yeah sniff mister van hook hinson do i smell marijuana yep mr van hook hinson is my mom's name your mother and are you driving her truck important to state that this is not good news because i'm far more afraid of my mother than the police yeah she is mr van hoof hinson do you even know where you are right now actually yes officer i do i know that i'm at the corner of street and avenue okay and if you were going to get home how would you do it i'd drive just over one stroke four mile to lane turn left then go to road turn right then go down and up the hill cross the stop sign at boulevard then right into my driveway okay mr van hook hinson here's what's going to happen i'm going to call your mother in the morning and tell her where and when and under what condition i saw you tonight i'll do this for her because i owe her a favor keep in mind mr van hook hinson this is not for you for right now i'm going to do what i can to distract my colleagues from looking your direction you know where home is get there i started the truck back up and was about to pull off and he called out to me again by the way do you know how fast you were going i thought i was doing okay was i speeding not exactly you were going 14 miles per hour small town texas in the 80s folks my college roommate and i were drinking in our dorm room with music blasting very obvious to the rars in the building so they come and knock on the door and we turn off the music while my roommate brilliant drunk that he was shouts hide that crap we had two bottles of vodka a full and opened one and one that was 90 percent gone i hid that one behind my open laptop on my desk if you're thinking that's a really shitly hiding spot you're right and that an open bottle we had it in the door of our minifridge the ras came in and we obviously drunk feigned ignorance they asked if we had alcohol and my roommate says nope see and opens our minifridge with the door facing the rars he had forgotten it was in there and closed it nonchalantly while i resisted the urge to faster them they didn't see it they looked around and couldn't even find the bottle behind my laptop and finally said okay we know you have alcohol pour it out and you won't get written up so i caved and grabbed the near empty bottle and they watched me pour it out once they left we proceeded to crack open the new bottle and wonder how the frick they didn't notice it when he opened the fridge tl dr caught underage drinking opened fridge with vodka in it to prove we had no alcohol and somehow didn't get caught haha not to impul your incredible luck but if that had happened when i was in ra i probably would have just ignored it the last thing i wanted to do was write people up but if a room was being obnoxious i also wanted to keep my job so lots of let's just scare them a little bit so this doesn't turn into a party but not file any paperwork because that sucks my mom found a big bag of weed in my closet it was mostly trim and stem so it didn't smell too dank when i got home and she said what did i find in your closet without thinking i responded it's not weed i told her it was some type of tea i got from a hippie store she waited for my dad to get home and they couldn't decide if it was weed they tried to test it by making tea with it but weed tea with just water doesn't get you high as they're making the tea i started to think that i was going to get away with having a big old bag of weed after they didn't get high they decided to let me keep it but i had to leave it in the kitchen cabinet i agreed and then my new stash spot was a kitchen cabinet if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video you

Channel: UE Studios

Views: 90,890

Rating: 4.9255228 out of 5

Keywords: how did i get away with it, how did i get away with that, anyways, anyways meme, got away with it, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2021, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: BqFKcWmNxk0

Length: 35min 27sec (2127 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 11 2021