Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire! (Reddit Compilation)

when did you triumphantly call someone out for lying when i worked at a fast food joint i had someone call in during the opening shift while we were still prepping everything for the day he tells me he was just there and that the service was terrible and his order was wrong i asked him when exactly he came in he said about half an hour ago i said oh that's weird because we don't even open for another 45 minutes he just hung up without a word that sounds like jimmy john's lol idk who else opened late enough for that kind of crap to happen also why do these people do these things lol my supervisor was talking about my private hr meetings to my co-workers at my same level which they told me right away went like this me hey boss please don't discuss my hr meetings with my co-workers i don't care if you tell other managers or my lead but not my peers boss i didn't talk about that me co-worker said he heard it from you so did other co-worker boss oh he shouldn't have heard that me i agree he wouldn't take responsibility at all but it just felt good to let him know my co-workers and i are closer than he thought and that he had to watch this yap from now on my ex-wife told my kids i didn't pay child support regularly i was able to lay out each and every receipt for three years showing each payment made on time or early but i wouldn't say triumphant there are no winners in divorce my cousin's children found out that he was paying child support and their mortgage 30 years after the fact when they were adults their mother talked crap about the father all that time destroyed the relationship they could have had with their father i created a binder for a hotel my company owns with forms and templates i highlighted and wrote explanations on everything about a month later i go to the property to assist with some things and the gm brings out the binder and says yeah i just put this together as a tool for us here i immediately tell him no you didn't i made that and gave it to you his face went white as he tried to recover saying well i added a few things he didn't loved the faces of my colleagues when i went back to the office and told them all only witness not involved an auto-shop angry customer ahead of me was shouting we been here more than two hours the shop manager gets out a piece of paper we printed the work order you signed less than 30 minutes ago they've done studies on the psychology of queuing that show people overestimate time spent waiting in line by 36 a dude was trying to blame two other guys who are like the kindest souls out there of forcing themselves on a girl so i just asked him how did you know the details if you weren't there he stared at me for a minute before saying she the girl told me he didn't see her standing in the crowd but i did so i just asked her hey is this true she said no and he was the one who tried to force himself on her dude one and do two were there to save her classic projection he had to draw attention away from himself but in doing so only caused more attention to the matter once i called out a councilwoman lying on the radio she lied about something i had worked on public servant here saying it was her idea i called the radio station giving a fake name and called her out hahaha this guy told this glorious story about how he epically struck out of the bar with this girl except it was my story and not even a good one really and he was retelling it to me like two days later to be cool thing is he was retelling it to me and all the other people in the group i told it to everyone is shooting me glances as the guy is going on about it obviously they all know too but no one is stopping him so i couldn't resist right when he gets to the end i cast him off and say oh hold on i remember how this went it ends when she says her girlfriend wouldn't like that very much all the blood drained from the guy's face when he suddenly realized he heard the story from me and the rest of the group laughed i felt sort of bad after sorta every few years his mind will randomly remind him of this moment for the rest of his life i used to work for comcast buhis in their retention center one call i'll never forget was this college kid trying to cancel his service the call went something like this me welcome to comcast how may i help you him yeah i need to cancel my service on this day me sorry to hear that have you considered not cancelling this part is heavily abridged him nope my semester is over and i'm moving back in with my parents in city that doesn't have comcast me no problem i've gotten that set up for you is there anything else i can help you with him yeah i need you to credit the last six months of service me i'm sorry could you repeat that him now sounding agitated your crappy service didn't work and i shouldn't have to pay for it credits it now me still confused why didn't you call into our technically support him i didn't have time i'm a college student me let me get this straight your service didn't work at all like if you turned on the tv all you'll get is static and it's been like that since december kim that's what i've been saying me then how did you rent a movie last night he then spurted out a bunch of apologize and hung up that was probably my favorite call in the four years i worked there rookie mistake confirming first that you will not be continuing the account you need to dangle the carrot of not cancelling some guys came into the bookstore i was working at during black friday and tried to tell me a guy co-worker gave them the okay for a steep discount i flat out told them they were lying because i was the only guy working there and the only one working there since we opened two years prior every other worker up to the manager was female and the district manager was a guy but if he gave discounts it was an email with an attachment with his signature and he would call us as soon as he issued signed discount certificate we had a lady call our store and tell us that our manager had put an xbox on hold for 40 off and was confirming it was there for pickup i asked for the name of the manager i don't remember the name there was a guy so i responded yeah we don't have a mail manager at the store all the managers are female also that manager would more likely than not be fired they can't mark stuff more than 10 off without it being marked down in the system already i couldn't like triumphantly exclaim that i caught her lying but i went and laughed about it with my managers had a very crazy former roommate who i found in a fit of desperation on craigslist when i was very poor and had just left an abusive ex me and crazy roomie shared a bunk bed in a master bedroom in a home that was owned by our landlords we had this arrangement where we would alternate who bought the toilet paper i bought a really big pack of the stuff halfway through the big pack the rest just disappears she buys a puny little pack of four from the dollar store and accuses our landlords a large mexican family of stealing the rest of what i bought i had a hunch so one day when she was out i went rifling through her stuff i found the rest of the tp i bought hidden in her dirty laundry hamper after washing my hands about 10 times i stowed it in the trunk of my car along with everything else valuable that i owned and didn't bring it up again she brought it up for me she came to me the next day nervous and stammering that her girlfriend had misplaced the tp i asked her oh where was it to which she had no response when it was next my turn to buy tp i bought one roll just waiting for her b but to say something about it i only stayed there for another month because i'd paid for it but she got kicked out before i left for hot boxing the room while the landlord's whole family was home dorothy no that's not a misspell was a real class act i have so many awful stories about her considering we only lived together for two months i would like to subscribe to dorothy roommate stories i was waiting at a red light behind a red bmw i saw that its bumper was kind of fricked up the light turns green and he starts going and i slowly accelerate like any normal human then he slams on his brakes and i do the same don't hit him at all he reverses into my car then turns on his hazards and pulls into the shopping complex near us we exchange information i am absolute calm later at small claims court after rejecting his claim with my insurance him yes your honor this rear ending left me with 5k in damage including paint and 1k in emotional distress as i have needed physical therapy judge looks at me and you say you have video of this incident me yes i do sir hand cd to bailiff dash come clearly shows his fraud judge so is that you in the video him he literally got arrested and had to pay me 5k in damages get a dash come people lompheo uelpt if you are deporting someone's insurance look for a dashcam in their car while waiting for their info my friend's favorite is from when working at mcdix she was on drive through and a guy came through complaining about ice cream that he got earlier that's when everyone that worked there to came to the drive-through window to see friend casually lets them know they haven't had a working ice cream machine in four months wtf their ice cream machine never works i was renting a house with two roommates in michigan one of them s and i had talked about keeping the furnace slow to try keep costs down it was also because ess's room was in the middle and apparently got ridiculously hot at night so hachi admitted to cracking the window sometimes we had talked to the other roommate a about it and she was on board except they constantly turned the heat up a good eight degrees hotter than we had agreed on it would be one thing if she was legitimately cold michigan in the winter after all but she would crank the heat up and then wear skimpy clothing it was pretty frustrating that she wasn't even trying to layer up before turning the furnace up not only that but she would come home from school turn the heat up and then leave for the weekend not 15 minutes later one of her go-to excuses for the heat being higher was that the furnace was programmed to turn up at a certain time of day which it only was because she had programmed it that way so one weekend when she was back at her parents house i reprogrammed it back monday rolls around i get back from class and the furnace is up again i turn it down and go a about it she predictably said the heat was only up because it's programmed that way and i called her a liar flat out she shouted at me a bit and called me in butthole then went in her room to sulk she was so bad with any sort of confrontation she came from money and her parents had spoiled her rotten that she never spoke another word to me this was around february she unofficially moved out like three weeks later but her parents still paid her portion of the rent until september so i didn't have to put up with her crazy butt anymore and i've got plenty of stories of her being crazy can we hear more stories i was at a music festival that requires you to wear a white bangle green for musicians this random guy was trying to hook up with a girlfriend of mine he was telling her that he's a musician and that he's playing a gig the next day and that she should come watch he was using the musician thing to basically get into her pants i was there with her listening to the guy and at the end of his long session of bragging and attempted flirting i just asked him why he was wearing a general bangle white instead of a green one he was confused i then explained to him how the bangles work my friend and i had a chuckle while he awkwardly walked away this reminds me of the guy who was trying to pick up one of my friends when she went to the washroom he told me and my other friend that he was a professional poker player and a rapper dude was maybe 21 years old and it was clear that the truth was that he enjoys playing poker and rapping and hopes to someday make money from it so he doesn't have to get a real job my freshman year of high school there was a girl who claimed to have her driver's license already even though we were all too young it was pretty funny to see her face when she showed up in the same driver's ed class that you needed to complete before getting your license that i was in the next day at lunch she tried to lie about it again so i told her to show everyone her license to prove it she tried to make up some balls so i told everybody she was lying and i had seen her in my class she also got caught telling the volleyball team her brother was dead and when someone said something to her mum it came out she never even have a brother she also got caught telling the volleyball team her brother was dead and when someone said something to her mum it came out she never even have a brother she ate him in utero i had a customer once call and say she had bought these ice cream sandwiches the week before and they were all freezer burned she was super aggressive and was yelling so i very politely confirmed the exact product she bought she yelled yes that one that's what i've been telling you and i said mom we discontinued those six months ago she stuttered a bit and hung up i was 19. it was my first job and it was so satisfying called mom out for smoking while pregnant and continuing to do so while nursing no one believed me i got whooped grounded and ostracized by whole family six years later parents getting divorced mom admits in cauchy smoked while pregnant and nursing i felt triumphant because i was vindicated but really as triumphant as that moment was the whole incident really fricked up my relationship with my family and i've suffered because of it my mother is a terrible person i don't say that lightly she has stolen medication from me after i had oral surgery and on two occasions a decade apart she stole my identity and my siblings opened several credit card accounts maxed them out tens of thousands of dollars and never made a payment she tells people she's a nurse she barely finished high school and makes up extravagant and potentially very damaging lies which she believes she'll never be found out yes she's a terrible person but my dad isn't so when my now adult daughter was an adolescent my mother was allowed to spend time with her a few years ago i'd lost my job was having trouble finding employment and had to trade in my sports car for a sedan so that i could drive rid of share to make ends meet my mother told my daughter and several relatives that my car had been repossessed for non-payment i took great satisfaction in showing my daughter relatives and yes the shrewish lying had herself the dealership papers clearly laying out the terms of the trade-in the aftermath was both hilarious and sad as she also has a vile temper ro that's horrible has the rest of your family kind of caught on to her lies and don't fall for it anymore or do they still fall for the lies an acquaintance of mine tried telling another friend of mine we were dating i told him to stop his crappy lies and stay away from me some time later six months to a year i bumped into him again and we talked a little bit he then tried to claim he was dating a colleague of his that i had met i didn't believe him for a second so i found her on facebook and told her the guy almost lost his job it was a weird feeling busting him on one hand i loved the takedown on the other i just felt sorry for him you probably helped him in the long run when fallout 4 had just released i convinced my partner to let me go and snap up a copy on launch day which was being advertised for the discounted price of 69 australian pricing sucks but that's another story afterwards while she grabbed a pizza for lunch i went into the nearby eb games store to just idly browse anyway this young bloke and his mother come in with a catalog from target and ask the guy at the counter to price match fallout 4 as is their policy the clerk launches into this patronizing spiel about how that only applies when stores in their vicinity have mirrored stock and he knows for a fact that every store in town has no copies left as it's such a massive game and it being launch day and all the mother size and begrudgingly agrees to pay the full 99.95 that over exorbitantly priced tb seems to think every game should retail for which is when i pipe up excusing myself for interrupting but saying that i overheard their conversation and i know for a fact that the local target store still has multiple copies and stock the cashier sneers and tries to argue that they didn't to which i suggested that the lady give the store a quick call to ascertain whether they did in fact have any stock left and produced the receipt from my wallet that showed that i literally purchased a copy sent the discounted price less than 15 minutes earlier the cashier finally relented sensing that he was close to losing out on the sale altogether shooting me daggers as he rang up the price and condescendingly stating to the lady that he'd make the exception this one time for her and her son satisfied i booked out of the store and chowed down on some crappy tasting domino's pizza as a reward i hate when unscrupulous dick whiskers try to take advantage of people particularly older people so it felt good to put this cocknickle in his place a small victory to be sure but a sweet one nonetheless frick eb this story filled me with vindictive glee i used to volunteer and help out with a paintball team that was made for veterans back in college i never served but a lot of the guys were in my fraternity so i did what i could to help and played with them basically you get a whole team together and let vets with ptsd use their skills in a positive light while also getting back some of the brotherhood they lost when they left the service it was a ton of fun and they would absolutely wreck people most of the guys were great but one mother was just the worst he always talked about how he had ptsd he used it as an excuse for everything and claimed he was in the navy in swcc basically sealed delivery teams from what i've been told basically all of his war stories were straight out of act of valor and he constantly talked himself up but was a genuinely crappy person at one point he even stole a tv from one of the other guys well eventually the team had to get a dd 214 from him and he kept pushing it off finally got it from him and he was a diesel mechanic that was dishonorably discharged for drug use kicked him out due the house for drug use and a few hundred other reasons and he wasn't welcome on the team anymore first week of a new school year headmaster sends a group email scheduling every single meeting teachers were required to attend for the next six months i reply publicly saying i'm unavailable for the particular time in the day she chose our meetings to be which was an hour later than last semester she replies that every single meeting we've ever had had been at the same time at that particular moment i was the only teacher who had worked the previous semester so none of the teachers who were currently employed couldn't have known at what time we had our meetings last semester i reply publicly with a prince green of each of the emails scheduling our meetings from last semester at correct time she changes the meetings for the correct time keeping your emails is so key to calling out liars love it we were on a conference call a supervisor took credit for all the work in a cross-departmental project he wasn't even a part of the project his subordinate craig was i called him on it in front of about 40 people i said that even craig didn't do any work the real star of the show was leslie the intern assigned to help us since she did 75 of the work the supervisor got fired several months later for some other issues a lot of people on the call reached out to me and said what i did was awesome went on a trip with some close friends one of the girls gurley couldn't find an expensive pair of sunglasses and was really upset as she knew she hadn't lost them outside she had a feeling one of the girls girl b has taken it who had already denied seeing them started packing up the car when girl a suddenly demands girl b to open up a luggage to look for the sunglasses girl b gets irritated that anyone would think she took them we all had a feeling she did and after a few minutes of crying she opens up her bag and wouldn't you know girl a sunglasses are right there it was delicious seeing everything unfold but ended up being an awkward car ride home i work as a referee for an airsoft field and there were three boys a pair of twins and their friend all running hpa airsoft guns the airsoft guns use gas from a portable high-pressured green gas-filled tank they would adjust their pressure to a low amount to pass the chrono test we have a set limit of fps for the field and they would jump it up to 50 fps higher than the maximum we allow for hpa players told me after round someone is running too hot over the limit and i figured it was them i asked to check their guns and they said you already did it why do we have to do it again and i said because i am the ref they thought they could be sneaky and went all right let me get more gas then they tried to dial down the gas in a spot i couldn't see and i walked around and saw him lowering his pressure i kinda yelled how dumb do you think i am i know when you're adjusting your pressure to look under the limit especially when your tanker is over there a few feet away everyone in the staging area a safe place to set up your gear looked over at them and they proceeded to pack up and leave we were done anyway it has been a problem with them and is still a problem that they do this but my boss won't ban them from any of our locations yet yet not banned yet until someone shoots an eye out the lawsuit will make the boss rethink his decision oh boy there was a girl i grew up who was notorious for her being a pathological liar all you need to know for this is that this is when she and a bunch of girls were going through their weeb stage and that meant everything in and from japan was the best thing ever so this girl white as bread tried to convince her fellow students that she was from japan via adoption as in she was adopted from japan and then she said she had two birthdays because of it i had grown up with her and she never celebrated her second birthday up until that year and i knew all about her family basically a friend gave her a gift on her second birthday and i pointed out to my friends as we watched this unfold that she didn't have a second birthday i then explained what i'd learned and observed well the friend who got her a gift asked her about it and she was pee she came marching over to me saying how dare you lie to him i told her i knew she'd been lying all year and that i grew up with her so i knew all about her birthday and whatnot i said you know darn well that today isn't your birthday so stop lying to people just to get attention she hated me after that but she did lose most of her friends except for the naive ones who'll believe anything you tell them my friend pretended he had a girlfriend for years not going to lie it was nice not being the only lonely person thanks for gold kind strangers i have a co-worker with and i am overqualified and better than everyone at everything complex he recently tried to point out to me in a commiserating way as if i would agree with him why it's unfair that i make nearly the same as him but he completed more education than i did i met the years of experience requirement instead of the degree requirement and have been working in our field for years while he is brand new to it knowing full well that he doesn't meet the criteria for his own job because the education qualification still includes a minimum of one year of experience in the field and he has absolutely none i pulled up the job posting right in front of him he immediately backdaled and said that he met the requirements anyway because he worked in a closely related field without getting too specific he's basically saying because he worked at the same place as people who know what they're doing he knows how to do it too that is the equivalent of the i.t person at a hospital claiming they can perform surgery because they have installed updates on the surgeon's computer on occasion i didn't bother after that there's no point in trying to convince a narcissist they're wrong on a side note i saved the day at work yesterday by solving a huge problem we've been having and because our boss was out of the office my co-worker felt the need to immediately call him and take credit for solving it i'll probably end up throat punching him before one of us leaves what is the most blatant liar sales person has told you when trying to make a sale while shopping for a used car the salesman says the whole someone test drove this today and said they were coming back for it they really liked it get in the car and it doesn't turn over not even a little needed a whole new battery not exactly a sale but i called comcast to tell them i was switching to a gigabit service for a cheaper price the rep told me i should stick with them because they were more reliable and the competitor only advertises up to a gig so there's no guarantee it'll be faster i occasionally get semi-official looking mailings with a little plastic vial it presents itself as a company hired by the city to do water quality testing if you send it back they'll try and sell you a house water filter i filled it with cooking coconut oil the kind formulated to remain liquid at room temp which is quite clear when they came to discuss the results with me i asked if there was anything unusual in the test and they told me about how these specific mineral levels were elevated and i totally needed a water filter i would have gone the opposite direction and use distilled water not me but my mom one morning when i was still sleeping her iphone updated and was on the hello screen she doesn't know much about technology so she thought it was broken and brought it to the atnt store they told her it was broken and convinced her to get a new phone and start a new contract when i found out i was pee i turned her phone on and it worked we went back up there and i spoke to the manager and told him what happened he said we'd have to pay a restocking fee he didn't care at all and chalked it up to being just a misunderstanding we ended up filing a complaint with corporate to get it refunded i used to work at an atnt retail store not only was this type of shady sales behavior encouraged it was expected at one of our saturday morning meetings our store manager told us to get out there and show everyone how big your sales dong is i walked out soon after that this is as big as he's going to get said the lady at the animal shelter about a 20 pound puppy he's now 70 pounds and taking up half the couch i told my mother oh no boxers are really tame we brought her home within a week she was about six months old she had ran into a wooden door and shipped a tooth when looking at the plasma tvs this is a tv you want it's got the highest quality crt of anything in the store comma what once my dad and i were driving past a used trailer lot and we were surprised to see what looked like the beat up camper trailer we'd gotten rid of a while back we pulled into the lot and inspected the trailer by george it was our old trailer it had a few very identifiable scuffs and bruises including one wheel with mismatched screws and bolts after my dad and uncle jerry rigged it when the hubcap came loose from driving cross country my dad and i were laughing about how funny it was that the old trailer had wound up here when the salesman approached us the salesman reiterated several times that this was a brand new trailer never been used some guy bought it and just kept it in his garage never used it at all pl said tell me more i'm dying of laughter already hurry the car is scheduled to be transferred to another dealer unless you put down a down payment correct response is which one then i can buy it from them a door-to-door salesman from an icep in the uk told me if i switched my adsl to them it'd be way faster i asked how he knew what provider i had now and he said he didn't know who i was using he just knew his company was the fastest when i said it would be the same copper going to the same exchange and asked how they could provide a higher speed he got pretty aggressive he really didn't do any homework for that job we can provide you with the fastest internet around but you don't cover this area the only supply here is bt frick off i guarantee you will not get into debt with this credit card i tried to explain that debt is the integral function of the card he didn't get it ask him to give you that in writing with the stipulation that it trumps anything the contract might say to contradict it someone tried to sell me some expensive or a gold facial cleanser which apparently contains gold particles which penetrate the skin and cause changes to the electrons in the skin making it brighter he looked visibly panicked when i told him i was working on a degree in biochemistry bear in mind these were visible flex not even nanoparticles or anything of the like which might have been slightly more plausible it was pure snake oil he also demonstrated the products exfoliating power on the back of my hand which appeared to slough off a load of skin and leave it very soft turns out it just had a pva glue sort of stuff in it causing the cleanser to peel and accumulate resembling dead skin plain old glycerine made the skin feel soft such trickery i'm sure other people would have fallen for it that fake dead skin is a genius idea about six years ago i was shopping for a new bed at a furniture store the salesman was trying to show me one of the more expensive mattresses they had it was a nice mattress though but his sales pitch really annoyed me him it comes with a 10-year guarantee me wow so if it loses springiness or tears or something i can bring it back for a refund or store credit or what tim if it fails within the first 30 days sure we have a 30-day return policy me then what's the 10-year guarantee him we guarantee that it will last 10 years me but if it fails sooner there's nothing you'll do him it won't because we guarantee it'll last 10 years we have a 10 year guarantee me do you have a brochure to describe your guarantee policy in writing him it isn't a policy we guarantee it me okay thanks for your time i'll pass so what you're saying is it has a 30-day guarantee yeah but it's a 10-year 30-day guarantee no frick you that's not how it works bought a washing machine the assistant was easily 17 or 18 wearing a badge saying i'm in training and tried to get me to buy insurance with a grim warning that his washing machine danced across the room until fixed he didn't know to remove the restraining bolts at the back sales people that use this product actually sucks as an upsell method are the crystal burgers of humans got in a car with screeching grinding brakes to test drive it drove maybe a mile or two and it did this the whole time came back told the salesperson all cars do that especially when you first start then me it did it for the whole drive these brakes need replacing him you don't know what you're talking about i turned around and left at a market in mexico me what is this made out of wool salesperson yes of course me because i'm allergic to wool salesperson it's not wool salesperson this is carved out of real elephant task that is why it's so expensive me that's terrible poor elephant salesperson just kidding it's just hard plastic point one zero dollar and it's yours if you get the gold plated cables they will protect your tv from getting viruses i had a guy sit down across from me once at a starbucks seemed like a nice enough dude so i didn't care he then pulls out his backpack full of products one of which was some kind of energy drink he told me i should buy it because the scientists that created it had figured out a way to infuse a second oxygen atom into an h2o molecule thereby giving your body more oxygen when you drink it and making you better at sports or something so i was like they created hydrogen peroxide wow cool man can't wait to try that two guys walk into a bar the first guy orders a pint of h2o the second guy says i'll have a pint of h2o too he drinks it and dies a salesperson was telling my mum and me about a gin that has a wonderful infusion of lemongrass and peppercorn which we then sampled and said it's nice but i can't taste the lemongrass or for that matter the peppercorn salesperson said oh yeah don't worry about that the flavors are meant to be hidden literally what is the point of it then i wonder if he's the same guy that came up with the pg tips tagline you can almost taste the difference several years ago i went to gamestop to buy a ds game mario vs donkey kong 2. if you're wondering and while he's in the process of ringing me up he starts the whole would you like to pre-order so and so i can't remember what game it was question mark pitch i tell him no thanks and i just like my game and i'll be on my way but then he says something absolutely ridiculous well i'm sure you're going to want that game since it's the hottest new title coming out this year and you'll definitely want to pre-order it see the us government is cracking down on video games and starting in a few weeks if you don't pre-order your games you won't be able to buy them because we won't be allowed to sell them off the shelves i laughed at him and walked out that's a lie that would get my grandma we were looking for a new stove wandering around the store my wife saw this beautiful ugga stove about eight thousand dollars we were looking at it because it was so cool looking sales guy starts pushing it on us and my wife replies that it won't work at our house because we don't have natural gas sales guy then tells my my wife in the most condescending tone ever that everybody has gas at their house mom we live in the middle of nowhere we do not have gas available the guy continued to argue with my wife until i confirmed what she said we bought our new stove somewhere else no gas here either and never will be insufficient population density to make it worthwhile for the gas company i used to go to this tire shop in the rundown part of town because they had the best prices on good tires so i call ahead and ask how much for a set of tires in the size i needed 200 great i'll be right down i get there and meet one of their workers and tell him i need a set of tyres in my size he looks at me and says 400 so i say dude i called ahead they are 200 he then takes a short walk around the shop in full view he's not talking to anyone he's not looking at prices he just does a circuit around the shop when he gets back to me he says yep you're right 200 while i did buy the tires i didn't go back a guy was trying to get me to sign his petition for gmo labeling in my college town i asked him what he defined as gmo and he started off with well it's when you split an atom from one thing well gmos are an explosive issue right now live in southern california so most of the yards are brown and dying guys drive around town selling bags of fertilizer to make your lawn green again they showed up at my house one day and tried to shame me to buy some my dad worked for a local city nearby in the parks department for 39 years let's just say he taught me some lawn care tips and treatment so i just let the guy talk for a while i finally bust out and tell him to tell me what's in the fertilizer and how to apply he kept talking nonsense i get tired and ask him what percent of nitrogen phosphorus and potassium are in the fertilizer he tells me with a straight face it doesn't matter and i should listen to him i tell him look all you're carrying is sewn soil mixed with manure and grass seeds he looks pee and walks away cursing in spanish my neighbors across the street don't like them i see him spend 100 bucks on what he could have paid no more than 25 at the home depot no bulls literally general rule of thumb never buy from someone who is knocking at your door to sell mom had a vacuum cleaner salesman at our house he claimed that the bag could hold twice as much as any other vacuum cleaner its size without having to change it so he dumped a container of debris all over the living room floor and proceeded to suck it up except the hose got jammed because the bag overfilled and pushed the dirt backwards so he connected the hose to the exhaust on the machine to clear the blockage and it blew the entire load all over mom's very clean furniture and rug it went everywhere and so did he mom ushered him right out of the house before he could demonstrate yet another empty promise about the machine's features he's not the first guy to knock on your mom's door and end up blowing a load all over her rug i was invited out to a job interview one time the first part of it was an orientation in a rented warehouse district office where they spent the first half an hour or more explaining with a slideshow how they were not a pyramid scheme and what they were doing was totally legal yup thanks bye don't call me again i was waiting tables when i was in college and i just so happened to wait on an army recruiter he told me that nothing would make my dad more proud of me than if i joined the army nothing against anyone that goes into the army but my dad was drafted i was finishing up a finance degree and i had a job lined up nothing would have pee him off more than if i joined the army i once asked a car salesman if the car i just test drove came with a warranty he picked up the phone on his desk pushed some buttons and said hey does that one come with a warranty okay cool thanks he then hung up turned to me and said yeah it comes with a warranty his phone was unplugged you should have asked to use his phone comma you save 10 percent off your gas and 10 off your electricity comma that's a saving of 20 i immediately laughed but they were apparently serious colon [Music] female test driving a new car it's within my price range but otherwise i just don't care for the car during the test drive i mention that the car seems to be making a grinding sound whenever i make a right turn salesman says honey that's just a car warming up i swear to god even after saying that he thought he had a chance at selling me this car offered to let me take it home for the weekend chased me as i was pulling out of the lot in my old car never went back obviously a cable company called me six years ago trying to convince me to purchase more services besides basic internet i said i didn't need cable because i had access to netflix amazon tv and hulu through my internet service and that there wasn't anything on tv i wanted to watch that wasn't on those services the salesman said that no girls want to watch netflix and i would be alone and ruin all my future relationships unless i immediately upgraded my cable service i think about that conversation every time someone says netflix and chill dude that's just mean jesus that guy needs to get a life well i was literally told that my bill would be 90 for internet phone and tv with my current internet speed i only have internet now and it's 75 he was trying so hard to make this sale i said that i wanted the same internet speed and don't care about tv and phone he literally told me it's cheaper than what you pay now i said no it's not he argued with me about how it's cheaper as if i don't know how much i pay then he told me that the plan with tv add phone would have internet speeds half the speed i have now i just told him i'm sorry that i can't be your sale but good luck man some salesmen get so desperate to hit their quotas or make commission they do dumb crap i was buying my first car at a dealership i didn't have much to spend i let the salesman know what i was looking for and he brought me over to this car it's never been in an accident before this thing will last you for a very long time i looked around the car to find the largest dent near the back left wheel well once i opened the hood to look at the engine bay i noticed that the frame was bent yeah never been in an accident my butt real estate agent on selling a house next to a wetland nature does a much better job taking care of mosquitoes than the city could as i smack mosquitoes biting me and he was not even lying denature really nurtures takes care of those mosquitoes letting them grow big and strong and in impressive numbers the ones you get in the city are usually smaller more shy and also much rarer creatures [Music] that ups couldn't chip the washing machine i ordered so they'd have to charge me 250 to ship it with a special service when i said i didn't want it anymore they asked for a moment then came back and said they'd throw in the special shipping for free the day of delivery it was dropped off by the ups guy bunch of scammers nice washing machine though it was probably ups freight which is kinda a separate deal that costs more because they deliver the big crap like washing machines the biggest thing regular up ships is stuff like generators and air conditioners i am buying a phone at t-mobile the salesperson asks if i want a case and said it would be wise to get one i said i would just buy it on amazon as it is always cheaper she says no we actually carry the same prices as amazon i knew this was bs and immediately looked up prices they were a fifth of the price i showed her my phone said it's a fifth of the price and she goes oh but there are only five left i looked at her and said how many phones do you think i am buying and clicked buy on amazon gamestop was buying destiny right when it came out i know got to the cashier and they said it was digital only for 360 so i was just purchasing the code to download it i stopped and said i would just buy it on my xbox for the same price without involving the messtop she said well do you really want your credit card information with microsoft like that that is really not secure i don't trust microsoft with privacy stuff but i trust them with credit card info more than a game stop in a strip mall in bum [ __ ] new hampshire i get door-to-door salesman knocking on my door trying to sell me home security systems pest control service lawn care service act they always try to build credibility by saying hey we were just working at your neighbor's house had some leftover x and wondered if you would like a good deal on it next time i'm going to step outside and say oh you're installing home security for my neighbor let's go talk to him and see how he likes it which neighbor is it my mom's phone was broken so we took it to the store they sent it in for repairs after a few weeks we go back and the store clerk says something along the lines your phone was deemed irreparable and since we no longer sell this model of phone we can't give you a new one however since you're still under warranty we'll give you this brand new phone this phone costs 400 euros so that's almost double of what you paid for your phone a few years back i was immediately skeptical and it just seemed sketchy that they'd give such an expensive phone for free i pulled up my phone and did some googling lo and behold cost something like 150 euros nearly a 100 euro less than what my mother's phone had cost i interrupt him because he was still talking to my overly excited mother about how amazing this phone was i told him to cut the crap in that the phone isn't nearly worth what he's claiming it to be he immediately acts defensive and instead of owning up to his eyes he tells me that it's the truth and i should look it up i told him i just freaking did and showed him my phone i asked him why he'd lie like that he didn't give me a real answer but some evasive sales excuse i told him i'm not unreasonable either he brings me and my mother an actual good solution to the problem at hand or his manager walked out of there with a p9 ascend light and a big freaking grin on my face back in 2007 my old pc died my parents decided to buy a new one so we walked into a futura shop we found a good system and decided to buy it the salesman tried to get us to buy microsoft one care but i declined because i used avg and at the time avg was still good he started spewing off some bull bullcrap about how you cannot trust any antivirus that is free because all they do is constantly download blank definition files i was like wtf are you talking about that's not how any of that worked but my mum who is computer illiterate believed him and spent 110 on microsoft one care that thing was a piece of crap it did hourly scans that slowed my system to a crawl which also could not disabled or delayed on top of that it downloaded a brand new definition update every single day which was a big problem because we were on dial up at a time and those definition updates were 50 plus mb which took two three hours to download it was installed for all of two days told this story before some time ago took my car in for an oil change to the dealership i bought it from service guy comes to me and says they noticed during the change the treads on my tires were really worn so they were going to put some new ones on for me the thing is i had bought a new set that previous week and they were already on my wheels told him my tyres would not be touched or the bbb and my attorney would be called that afternoon no one said a word to me the entire time i paid my bill toyota saleswoman told me her husband died then 15 minutes later talked about driving to vegas with him that weekend i asked her if she remarried and she said no looked at me all confused then i saw the realization come over her face told her thanks but no thanks i don't like it when people are about death what is one lie you must keep up that you hate but it covers up a much bigger frick up years ago i was partying with a college friend at a bar in new orleans where he lived right out of school in a big group and his car was stolen years later he confessed to me that he decided to leave the bar early accidentally drove into a swamp and walked away from his vehicle as it descended into the mark he then walked back to the bar and hung out the rest of the night only to act surprised when his car wasn't there a vehicle recovered two weeks later and insurance paid it off in full the guy is now an attorney investigating corporate fraud holy crap the irony this is probably one of my favorites i've read so far why don't you travel or even just go down to the usa for a day trip gas is cheaper down there blah blah i live in canada just on the other side of the border i have to make all kinds of excuses like trying to save money by not going on vacations not having a passport yet having prior obligations plans stuff like that the real reason i've got a criminal record when i was a kid i chased my little brother outside with a spoon once we got outside he got on top of our car and started yelling no clue why i was chasing him with a spoon or why i cared about him yelling after he wouldn't get down i threw the spoon at him aiming for his stomach trying to avoid it he duct and it hit him in the face right next to his left eye after he calmed down i took him back into the house and told my mom he fell he was hurt pretty bad the spoon didn't just barely hit him it caused permanent damage to that eye that he had to deal with for years he wasn't blinded or anything but his vision was impaired he was too young to remember i'm three years older than him that it was my fault so he doesn't know it was me not the biggest lie ever cause we were both kids and i didn't do it on purpose but it's still pretty crappy to know that i did that to someone my girlfriend and i were sitting around visiting with a bunch of friends she was sitting on my lap and someone else was talking so no one was looking at us all of a sudden i felt my girlfriend sees up as she stifle the sneeze unfortunately holding back the sneeze caused her to rip a massive fart the fart was so huge that every head in the room turned towards us with the look of shock and on their faces i just smiled sheepishly and said excuse me all the guys cracked up and the girls feign disgust until the aroma hit their nostrils it was a rancid vulgar odor that cleared everyone out of the room the group had a few good laughs and made fun of me for years for that fart that's okay that night and many nights thereafter i was amply rewarded for chivalry tl dr took the blame for my girlfriend's very public very loud satanica dollar sign dollar sign blast dm hs haha my boyfriend did something similar once i fell asleep at a friend's house while we were all hanging out apparently i let out a silent bit deadly in my sleep and my boyfriend whose lap i was using as a pillow took the blame people like you guys are the best the reason why i'm going to community college this year isn't because it's cheaper it's because i failed out of the well-respected state school that my asian parents paid 35 000 for last year one join a study group two have wacky and zany adventures that reference pop culture my mom didn't actually die of cancer she died of hiv and i'm the only one of five kids and my aunts that's no the actual truth i keep telling my sister it's not a good idea to get a cancer ribbon tattoo but she doesn't get why try sending her links about how the ribbon is just a brand and if i recall correctly a pretty much stolen idea so it's more about just not wearing the ribbon not not supporting cancer memory of your mom that i've never been in a relationship nobody knew i was in one or would have approved it was with a much older woman and it turned out a devastating disaster for both of us when i was 15 and only had a driver's permit i feel asleep behind the wheel and rolled the truck i was driving my mom was asleep in the passenger side and luckily we were not injured she ended up telling the cops it was her driving since i would have been impossible to ensure when and if i did get my license at 16 years old it's not really a story that comes up often but i have always felt terrible that it went on her driving record ever since that accident i've made it a point to be a safe driver and eight years later have not been in another car wreck knock on wood it sounds more like your mom's fault for not supervising you if she was asleep in the passenger seat i'm guessing it was probably to be expected that a 15 year old new driver would struggle to keep themselves awake behind the wheel my girlfriend is mildly allergic to many commonly consumed foods and ingredients which results in some pretty extreme gas she's very sweet and doesn't want to seem picky about what she eats when with other people so she doesn't normally say anything i always take the blame for her farts at the dinner table that's very sweet of you i had a long boarding accident a year ago and i ended up injuring myself pretty badly i got tendonitis in my ankle from a previous complication the sight is in my hip and i needed eight stitches in my face my boss would always tell me you know one day you're gonna fall off that thing and seriously injure yourself so i lied and said i fell while chasing a dog down a hill now he kind of pities me and lets me take it easy if my hip starts to act up went to my aunt's house for thanksgiving and she asked me to set the table apparently i did it wrong because she asked me if i was left-handed i said yes instead of admitting that i don't know how to set a table from that point on she made several comments about left-handedness and even made sure to orient objects to accommodate me i had to pretend to use my left hand for the rest of the trip and to this day she still believes that i am left-handed tl dr my aunt thinks i'm left-handed because i can't set a table for what is his worth your aunt sounds like a very nice woman for accommodating your false left-handedness my roommate and i knew a younger guy about 18 had some major drug and alcohol problems he was staying with us for a week to try and get clean since he lived about three hours away one morning i come into the living room and we're watching tv when he says i think my roommate came in here last night and grabbed my dong i think he molested me i steer blankly and remind him that roommate had been in a different state on business for the past two days he says nothing but mutters under his breath i know he was planning on trying to blackmail and besmirch my roommate's good name but forgot that detail because of his drug-addled brain he never got the chance he went back to his home two days later and was in a serious car accident he and his gf were both drunk and neither of them remembered who was driving her because she was drunk and him because he sustained massive head trauma and can't function properly can't talk can't walk can't use the bathroom etc if it weren't for his blinking and guttural moans he'd be a complete vegetable here's the worst part the part that pertains to this post i never told anyone what he had said or what i know he was planning he was a piece of crap that was going to take advantage of my roommate who is the best guy i know after the wreck my roommate was crushed he thought he could have done more to keep the guy safe and he did everything he could for the guy and his family afterwards he doesn't know what the low-life scum was going to do and god help me he never will my husband and i were spending a few days with my dad and stepmom at their house and we were hanging out downstairs when i go upstairs to change clothes my husband runs up a few minutes later to use the bathroom since he is in the guest bathroom i use the one in the master bedroom when i come out my husband is standing in the doorway of the guest room silently and frantically motioning for me to come over when i get in the room he says do i clog the toilet and it won't flush you have got to find a plunger so i'm looking around upstairs but can't locate one i tell him i'll have to go down and ask my dad where they keep it and he begs me to take the blame to save him the embarrassment of clogging my parents toilet with his massive poops when i ask my dad where the plunger is he gives me a weird look and i tell him that i accidentally clogged the toilet him and my stepmom go on a scavenger hunt for one but come up empty-handed my stepmom is like i don't think we have a plunger wtf who doesn't keep a plunger for those unexpected moments great now what my husband is still hiding in the guest bedroom since no plunger can be located my stepmom gets a yardstick from her craft room and proceeds to the bathroom to unclog the toilet she freaking chops my husband's poop into enough tiny pieces to flush the toilet with a freaking yardstick giving me looks dad 2. my husband emerges from the master bathroom toilet flushing in the background what's going on i told him i clogged the toilet and he starts laughing and my parents start teasing me making put jokes and talking about how they're going to have to get my stepmom a new yard stick because i've destroyed the one she had yeah my husband still owes me for that one we laugh about it to this day and my parents still bring it up in public tldr took the blame for clogging the toilet at my parents house when in fact it was my husband's poops that did it to add insult to injury they didn't have a plunger and my stepmom used her yardstick to chop up the poop so that the toilet would flush i had been wanting a kitten for a long time so one of my staff girls gave me one she was adorable and well behaved and i was extremely happy a couple months later i had to go out of town and asked my parents to take care of her while i was gone the day before i got back i got a phone call from my dad saying she had accidentally gotten underfoot and he had accidentally stepped on and killed her now the girls ask about aphrodite all the time and i haven't had the stomach to tell them the truth that's so sad i'm sorry i once worked at a large store and walked up to a co-worker to ask a question i must have startled her bc as i was asking i noticed a weird look on her face and suddenly realized that she was peeing herself i pretended not to notice and made some excuse to leave and came back a little later to see her mopping it up i said did a customer spill another drink again and wandered off i told all my co-workers that a customer had spilled soda all over the floor in her department i think that's called being a good friend had to say that i lost my vaginity to some random girl at 15 yo when i really lost it at 16 with my mother's best friend i knew p was real my family has too many wiener dogs and a lab the lab is only a year old and doesn't know how much bigger she is than the two wieners when i was calling all the dogs inside one day the lab slammed into one of the wieners and ended up breaking her leg now my dad is the least understanding butthole in the world so my brother my mom and i decided to tell him that i had accidentally tripped over the wiener dog and broke her leg since we've all tripped over the little dogs before we knew he wouldn't have gotten rid of the lab if he knew the truth he still tries to make me feel horrible about breaking my dog's leg even though it's just a lie we told him because we all know what a huge bunny is i screwed up university i had some medical issues to begin with and then i got lazy and had no idea what i was doing when i came to and now i can't go back i have to come clean soon but i can't bear the shame nor do i have any idea of how to tell my parents i was in same situation a year ago my friend moderate depression apathy general laziness i blew a full ride scholarship because i didn't try at all eventually i just told my parents i freaked up and needed to move back home it's been a hard year of full-time work self-improvement but i'm much better for it just tell them man my wife and i were at my parents house helping them organize things in the attic my wife slipped at one point and stepped right through the bedroom ceiling i picked her back up and i could hear my parents yelling what was that what happened she started crying because she's always trying to impress my parents so i yelled down i stepped through the ceiling sorry and took the blame years later my family still makes fun of me for the incident i just look over at my wife and wink i'm not even your wife and i love you for that i would probably beat myself up about that forever my parents think i'm working six days a week and out with friends on my days off in reality i'm a therapy and doctor's appointments trying to sort out my depression i've been putting on a fake smile for months and months i don't think any family or friends have noticed that there's something wrong i hope you're at least proud of yourself for knowing you're suffering and getting help for it i hope you pull through it soon i came up with a lie so i wouldn't have to go to my sister's friend's surprise party i told her i had some homework to finish up that was due that night there was no assignment i just didn't feel like going my sister came over and said i should at least sign the card my sister then very strongly suggested that her friend really likes me so now i do want to go but i already told the lie so now i backtrack saying that the assignment was almost done and i could turn it in now for a 90 i go to the party we hook up three days later and i'm still dating her the annoying part is whenever anyone tells the story of how we got together they say that i got a lower grade on an assignment so i could see her i really want to correct it but there is no graceful way i can think of to do so let it go the lie is now reality i work as a bar manager and both my boss and i are military vets actually that's mostly how i got the job we struck up a conversation and i discussed my time in the service except that my six-year enlistment ended at around three years two months i didn't go a while you a or drink myself stupid mostly i would oversleep and i was a [ __ ] in my early twenties not my finest hour i left with a general discharge so i still had college paid for in texas but very few know about this i couldn't reveal this and honestly the lie has manifested into the status quo everything i have has been predicated upon a lie my jobs my girlfriend who's a veteran and even a good amount of friends have no clue not me but my roommate freshman and sophomore years at college was put on academic probation for failing and lost her full ride scholarship she was too afraid to tell her parents so she started stripping to pay tuition last time i talked to her she never finished college is still at the strip club and her parents still think she's a graduate that just can't find a job i worked at my dad's company when i graduated from college i spent two years there i tell people that i quit because it was essentially a dead end for me and that i needed to move on and while that was true that wasn't why i quit i texted a bunch of people an inappropriate message as a joke one of whom was a co-worker of mine she told our supervisor and said she now wasn't sure she felt comfortable working around me the supervisor could tell that it was a joke and a misunderstanding on the co-workers part but we both agreed that i was out of line my dad found out later that day the next day i went in and gave my two weeks notice i said that any action not resulting in my leaving could potentially be construed as favoritism and i didn't want to risk my father's position and thus my brother's tuition and mother's mother ceremony on a silly mistake at a job i had outgrown the only people that know what really happened are my co-worker my supervisor her supervisor and my dad everyone else thinks i just got sick of the job and left you have integrity seriously you owned up to a mistake and faced the consequences and what's possibly even more important you learned from it you are a quality person integrity a rare gift don't ever lose that i was over my girlfriend's house and thing were getting sexual between us since we were alone in the basement we start making out and she's touching me all over then she starts touching my penis and after a while i feel a sharp pain followed by a lot of blood she then starts freaking out because there's blood all over the pillow for the couch and because i'm leaking blood all over i decided to go take a shower and tell her parents i did it cleaning myself in the shower they kinda believed it and her dad looked at my penis to make sure i was okay tl dr girlfriend and i were fooling around and she ripped my penis i told her parents it was me and now they think i don't clean myself properly plus her dad saw my penis and her dad looked at my penis to make sure i was okay blink blink one of mine is why i ended up leaving college i left college my sophomore year due to losing my scholarship however i lied about why i was leaving saying i needed time off and i had to help my mom with financial issues luckily in my time away i was able to get back into my school unfortunately a year and a half later lots of people frick up the key is do you fix it buddy of mine came out of a family where life was as strict as the military his parents had planned his life for him since he was born he was supposed to go to some major ivy league college and train to be a ceo or something but he was miserable all the time he just vanished without a trace one day and his family came asking if i'd heard from him i told them i hadn't but if i did i'd let them know a short time after he left he called me up he'd made his way to the south west where he'd taken up with some new ages and was studying painting he just wanted to tell me goodbye since he wasn't likely to ever come back he was doing better with all that pressure gone he was finally free to be himself his family occasionally reaches out to me asking if i've heard from him but i keep saying no crashed my friend's motorcycle when we traded rides i couldn't let my other roommate find out i'll let my friend drive my new car but not him now we have to continue a lie about how he tipped it in the garage which is hard for an experienced rider to admit meh frick this i will let pretty much anyone who asks drive my car however my sister isn't allowed to drive it without me or for further than a couple blocks and she knows this and she's crashed four cars and has had family members buy her new ones i've paid for both of my cars and i'm not going to let her drive it because i'm still paying it off and she couldn't afford to pay to fix it i was in a rush to get to school one morning and did not realize our second car was directly behind the car i was driving i rammed into the back end of that car and broke the license plate so i then had to take that car to prevent my mom from seeing it i told my friend that my brother got an offender bender and i told my mom that my friend the same friend broke it by failing at a dukes and hazards type slide on top of my car so now they think all of my friends are irresponsible and overweight kind of a dong move blaming your friend but dang if that isn't the most creative lie i have heard in a long time you got a quiet shaft to me let's be honest lol really means lol i have zero living relatives i have zero reasons for secrets a very sad and awesome experience have any idea how awesome it is to do what you want 100 of the time have any idea how soul-crushingly depressing being orphaned is continue your bloodline or be the first failure in 6 billion years not so much a fuck-up but my boyfriend and i tell our families we met through old high school friends we actually met online and by random chance we went to the same high school and have some of the same friends my boyfriend and i don't tell people we met online either we tell people we met through mutual friends which is true we leave out that these mutual friends were in an mmo rpg q why don't i have a car a well i could either afford the car or my own place real answer dui note i actually can drive but i am truly better off without one since the lie answer is somewhat true cos are expensive as crap when you add up all the costs over the long run plus it makes me think twice about where i go in new mexico having a dui is a normal thing the important thing is that you learned your lesson and it becomes something you can grow from and learn from don't avoid letting yourself have the chance at driving again because you're afraid you're going to do it again but decide you're just not going to do it my boyfriend and i met through friends who went to his college the story never really got too detailed but it was detailed enough where i'm sure i've missed details before when telling the story for a second or third time nobody has questioned it as of yet the truth is i was lonely and bored and kindly stupid so i put up a craigslist ad he was lonely and wanted to frick and he liked my ad i don't think i'll ever come clean to the real world this girl that used to be my best friend once broke a really old dish that we had that was given to my father by his grandmother and her mother before her and so on i took the blame because i knew my parents would have asked her to pay for it because it was pretty valuable i should have told them though because she turned out to be a huge c that i can't smell anything i told my best friend that in third grade to sound cool the problem is that he has a photographic memory i'm trained to never make a comment about smells my parents even think i can smell they paid for a doctor to look at it the doctor said oh sometimes this happens it's probably nothing to worry about worst doctor ever i can't get out of it ever i'm stuck the real twist would be if your friend told you he had a photographic memory just to sound cool and now you're both sweating hoping the other doesn't find out you're just a regular person what's the worst example of an op court and allow controversy you've seen i've lost the link but i remember this case where someone posted a picture of a guy and his girlfriend and said he was my best friend they were getting married but he died in a tragic accident and got a shitload of sympathy comments and upvotes until someone who knew the guy in the photo came across it and showed it to him who in turn posted a photo proving he's alive and said he'd never heard of eop it was amusing seeing that thread crash and burn i got to say oh god i wish i had the link or username but a guy came on our picks and posted a photo of him in his fatigues with a german shepherd on his lap with something to the effect of i just got back from afghanistan haven't seen my boy in years about a week later another editor posted the same photo saying this is actually me and i'm still in afghanistan for another four months man the k hunt was on that went to our karma court and everything was resolved he apologized and i guess it got better i think one of my faves had to be the tom hanks son ama his older son commented in it causing everyone to check out his user history lots of interesting gone wild comments and lots of bragging next thing he posts to ask rid asking how to hide his comment history while back a guy posted his sob story about his cheating wife he basically found explicit text messages and emails to and from his best friend he asked ridic for advice and everyone is super sympathetic and tells him to move out from the house he shares with his wife and mother-in-law during the middle of the day then his best friend posts proof about how much a [ __ ] the op is and how he sits around all day smoking pot crack and going out to frick strippers in the club op sends him a nasty personal message which the best friend then posts for everyone to see please tell me someone else remembers this the guy that did an ama about being shocked or one of his co-workers was electrocuted i forget exactly in the thread someone called him out on doing a ton of ammo's previously including one about having some super rare disease and another about losing his virginity to his mother's friend reddit flipped the frick out and started sending him death threats and he deleted the account then he made a new one and posted a new thread in which he provided proof for all the other rammers and read it felt like crap that day i remember that one of the things he got called out on was some post he made about something supernatural happening to him turns out it was a post in our norlep a bit before christmas a guy was asking for an xbox 360 for his kids present since he and his wife were having a tough time people started looking around on his profile to make sure he wasn't scamming us and they found some inconsistencies with his post and comment history i think he posted about having his copy of borderlands 2 stolen and maybe got someone to send him a new one so if he didn't have an xbox why would he need the game someone found his username linked to other websites and he definitely seemed to be scamming good people it was sad and angering to see the guy trying to take advantage of the kind hearts of redditors especially during the holiday season thousands of people got out their pitchforks and kept trying to get him to admit that he was a liar everyone was saying horrible things to him in the time i've been a member of this site i have never seen a downvote brigade and witch hunt mob form like this one before or since he deleted his account after a couple hours of being harassed and having his overall karma go into the negative although i didn't participate i remember refreshing his page a couple times out of curiosity and watching his comments go from minus 10 to minus 100 to minus 300 in a matter of minutes the top post of our funny is a really crappy very racist joke about black people not being able to read and the title says something along the lines of i'm black and i laughed but people looking through his comment history showed he was actually white and especially a racist this has happened so many times if you want someone caught in a lie this past christmas there was an op who was talking about not having enough money to get his kids presents it soon turned out that he was trying to get money from redditors and if i recall he was fairly well off and already had the present he wanted to get his kids which was an xbox or how about an op who lied just for a reaction you warfalunje had the idea to go to our gaming i believe and post that he had cancer and got a game something to that effect which is posted all the time front page super quickly a few hours in he revealed that he didn't have cancer and he put up the post just to see if predators would eat it up if you look at his profile now i guarantee plenty of those down votes are people who have imbress tagged or remember him doing this you commonwealth deleted an ama from someone who claimed to be bad luck brian and who everyone believed was bad luck brian turns out the guy wasn't blb after all but people still hate him for that they also hate him because multiple accounts or something like that people care too much about karma there are plenty more you potato in my owners was subject of a lot of self-inflicted controversy and probably the worst controversy was you violent accress sp who was publicly doxxed after supporting the likes of our jailbait and our creepshirts so he lost his job i imagine all the links in this paragraph led to dead ends all band deleted users and subreddits i remember the one from the guy who wanted presents for his daughter i believe it was on our random acts of christmas his story was very touching raising a daughter and living in a homeless shelter etc then when i go to the amazon wish list it is full of expensive electronics like a wii u ipad etc i knew immediately it was bs i remember some woman posting a picture of herself after being mugged or beaten or raped or something she had some pretty bad cuts bruises and swelling someone decided that it looked like makeup based on the severity i guess then someone dug up a post she had made in her makeup addiction of some zombie makeup she did for halloween and that was already needed they went on this huge crusade about how awful this woman was for faking her story for karma and what an awful bw every other gendered slur you could think of she was anyway then she posted a hospital bracelet or some other such proof but for a while there there was a freaking mob out after this woman who didn't even do anything i remember a while ago a guy posted a picture of a giant beehive inside the wall of his house it was massive about the size of a washing machine everyone was telling him that he should call an apiary a bee farm to get them removed safely since b populations are at risk op replied that he ended up having to poison the hive and the downvote brigade came down like nothing i had ever seen hundreds of comments berating him for not doing the right thing and letting them live how horrible he was for killing them with some naive environmentalists even bitching about why couldn't he just live in the house with them the op eventually explained that a family member had already had a scare due to the bees and that he had already tried getting an apiary to remove the bees safely and they flat out turned him down by the time he had said this though the mob had done its damage no mention of you trapped in reddit yet he was a fellow who used karma decay to look up earlier instances of reposts take the top comment and then copy it to the repost it was actually pretty clever and so was the guy who caught him but he was a reddit celebrity at the time he was all over the site with insanely witty quotes at the top all the time so inexplicably people felt cheated out of their precious precious upvotes i didn't mind i'd never seen the comment before and it made me laugh i don't mind reposted comments any more than reposted content i remember seeing him in a credit thread a few days later the question was where are you banned from he answered read it never saw him again i guess because he's never at the top anymore because i totally just checked and saw he still posts actually someone went ahead and checked his posts after that and discovered only a very small percentage of them were from karma decay so it was merely a single method he employed to gain karma but it wasn't his main practice what about the one where someone said that a hobo handed them some encrypted note or something i remember it led to a building but i don't remember reading what came out of it it was a pr move for some detective museum bulls that was opening up i remember that lol at christmas 2012 a post made the front page after a guy got a bible as his ridic gift exchange gift even though his history clearly showed that to be something he wouldn't want i bought him an rc helicopter and had it shipped in time for christmas to replace his crappy gift all i asked for in return was for him to tell me if he liked it and if it was fun to use he wouldn't respond to either of my two messages even though he's still active on reddit you twitter king tl dr op is and butthole but i guess the joke is on me i still don't think i was asking for too much that girl who got caught cheating via read it one time a girl posted a pic of two joints to our trees and claimed she was going to pick her boyfriend up from the airport her actual bf saw it on reddit recognized her car and cigarette box and called her out on it thus ending the relationship i'll post a link if i can find it someone tried to invoke lauraditomi to prank his friend and asked people to post to a sub he created for that very purpose he wanted you to say that you found a mysterious piece of paper with a piece of encrypted message and a city on it or something like that then he was going to send his friend a similar note send him to the sub and his friend would be all like oh dude conspiracy exclamation point one almost no one went for it people instantly began pointing out all the reasons why the joke made no sense and there was a ton of were not your army backlash then inevitably angry redditors hit the sub he made and commented on every thread with links back to the joke description i don't think it was ever nearly as big as most of the others mentioned here but the whole post was so cringe-worthy and i thought it was hilarious seeing how fired up people on both sides of it got this didn't involve the op directly but he started a thread in our art showcasing some of his best friend's artwork that was going to get published turns out it was stolen and not just that her entire portfolio was either plagiarized or copied from other artists online in a matter of hours this person's entire reputation was torn apart people had her facebook page shut down called up her school left death threats all over her website and put up her personal info before the thread was completely shut down the original artists who had their work stolen also sent her emails i think her name was mary baxter if i remember correctly and i don't think she's working as an artist anymore i remember one a few months back where a guy claimed that his brother had died that day at first of course people were sympathetic it went on like this for a while then the guys dead brothers boss ends up saying that he saw him at work earlier that day the boss then posted a picture of the dead brother holding a sign with ridic on it and the date is proof everything was anarchy that day the amazing atheist a somewhat famous youtuber has a rendit account or had the scumbag made a comment to a girl who said she was raped telling her how he bet she enjoyed it and other sickening things the witch hunt from then was amazing i think lately a photo was found of him buck but nude he sent to some girl to try to pick her up the photo has since been spread everywhere he deserves a long drawn out but kicking somebody told a story about how him and his girlfriend were just walking home and a group of thugs tried to jump them he stated he pulled out his gun and killed each one because you know he plays iron with auto lock on when zombardi pointed out how he was complete bulls the op bounced and deleted his account there was a kid that said he was homeless and was afraid for his life future because he had no money and didn't know what to do people offered advice and a place to stay and the kid opened up a paypal account so people could donate money to him i think he probably got over a one thousand dollar others did research and found out it was a scam he's was some rich kid on a macbook i remember on our pokemon get on your serious business socks folks some guy showed off his bonus disc for pokemon xd coliseum or something and how he had access to jirachi a rare pokemon for those not in the know he then offered to get a bunch in the game trade them up to the current generation of games and give them away to people people gave him gold and showed him in the ever precious karma because he was being a good guy and all people were trading him their favorites and raris to also show appreciation then it came to light that he was trading hacked fake jared cheese which is a big deal to a lot of people who thought they were getting a real genuine pokemon needless to say the pope community got upset i know this isn't about others but i once posted a picture of a guy who put a buccaneer and double down together and ate it i made a mistake and put double down and big mac it was my first post people made it seem like i clubbed a puppy there was a guy in iyama who claimed to be a blacksmith weapons specialist fighter survivalist who was trained and raised by an old man in the woods somewhere and then someone noticed the pictures he previously posted in our lady boners our lady boners things went downhill pretty quickly after that he tried to play it off for a bit too i can't remember exactly who what debunked him but he ended up deleting the account there was a thread in life pro tips of a kid who was giving out horrendous advice about credit cards and he didn't quite grasp simple economics about lending credit and a lot of people were arguing with him about it but that wasn't the big lie controversy though people searched through his profile and found that he lied about many things such as buying a ferrari or lambo or some other sports car and the kid also claimed he was an adult and he showed proof that he was an adult by uploading a picture of a django unchained movie ticket and his rated m games his entire profile took an avalanche of down votes in a matter of hours as his infamy was exposed comer and he showed proof that he was an adult by uploading a picture of a django unchained movie ticket and his rated m games that is hilarious the one where the guy claimed he had a consensual sexual relationship with his sister i was actually glad that turned out to be fake thanks riddick for all the great responses i had no idea this would generate this much interest i have been reading these all evening the amount of liars and scammers out there is astounding i think part of what makes the reddit community so great is the way we police ourselves swiftly and mercilessly i've had it happen to me i posted in our pics and made it to the front page with 2 000 plus up votes i began getting a lot of sexual comments because i was a teenage girl and my face was in the picture someone then decided to go through all my history and figure out all of my information i don't know how and he posted my other social websites my name the town i live in and even the school i went to it was quite terrifying and i ended up erasing my account and starting brand new because i got a lot of messages from people saying how sorry they were and it was probably a good idea ahmad even suggested it it sucked gaining all of that karma and then losing it in one day but i didn't want to risk anything i was just about 15 years old when it happened you weren't caught in a lie though you were caught in the clutches of nasty basement dwellers who have jerked their dongs to nerve damage sorry that happened to you the guy that posted a wonderful piece of art and claimed his girlfriend created it it reached the front page and got called out dear adit today i learned that people andre did will send death threats if you're not careful also everybody cares about karma more than i do sincerely bm the guy who posted today about the murder caught on google maps satellite he even said the police are now investigating what is the most sensational piece of bs you've had a compulsive liar come out with oh my brother has a bugatti later where is this bugatti oh he crashed it he doesn't even have a brother he's an only child well of course he is an only child now i imagine that bugatti was going fast when he crashed it had a friend say he sat in a tree for a day and waited for a moose to walk under him when one finally did he jumped out of the tree onto its back and killed it with a few stabs from a swiss army knife he then proceeded to carry it home 10 miles on his back i generally don't talk about getting little sleep because invariably one person i tell will have gotten less sleep however one night i hadn't been able to sleep at all don't know laid in bed for about three hours before realizing it was a lost cause i figured i was pretty safe complaining about it this one girl whom tended to get on my nerves a lot says so i haven't slept in a month there was a pasu and i say no that's not true no i really haven't no the world record for going without sleep is about 11 days and the guy was going crazy about four days in well i might have slept a little bit yeah you did usually i don't go off on people but the combination of this person the pettiness and degree of the lie and the fact that i had not slept set me off slightly i haven't slept for a week because that would be too long mitch hedbeck not really sensational but our group of friends growing up had a compulsive liar decent guy otherwise but always constantly telling lies whether he needed to or not he once tried to tell us he'd spent three months in rehab for a sea addiction he grew up with us we spent almost all of our time together how could he possibly think we'd believe that yeah i spent my entire childhood living in different foster homes shut up tony we've been next door neighbors our whole lives made a throwaway for this one i met this girl jessica my freshman year of college she seemed nice at first but as time went on another friend asked me if i had ever doubted the truth in some of jessica's statements here are just a few pete wentz the bass player of fallout boy gave her mona when she got her first kiss from him her first boyfriend was in a coma for two years and when he came to she had to explain to him everything that had happened during his illness she got pregnant while with her second boyfriend and lied on the forms for her wisdom teeth removal thus resulting in a miscarriage caused by the anaesthesia woke up covered in blood and there were no ensuing medical tests kid cudi was her babysitter her younger brother sophomore in high school at the time got caught with half a kilo of c on two occasions one in school selling to other kids and another time speeding through a construction zone at 75 miles per hour there was no expulsion or legal action taken by the school or the state her boyfriend got offered a 500.000 job from the cia oh he's also a kennedy but his mom isn't included in the lineage she pushed lil wayne into a pool at a high school party she fell asleep in napoleon bonaparte's bed while in a french museum steve madden named those tan boots with the red zipper down the back after her she's best friends with machine gun kelly as well larry bird's daughter bam marjora picked her up while she was working as a hostess in cleveland she was 17 at a time and went home with him to hang out with the crew of jackass she's in a music video but the rapper is unknown and it hasn't been released after a year in production she has slept with 27 men but told her kennedy boyfriend that they have only been three her uncle is apparently in the mafia and can get her and all of her friends jobs in the alcohol distribution business and claim that they all helped her move into the dorms my friend was there there were no members of the mafia present doctor phil called her house and asked her family to come on his show for an interview about crazy freaking daughters apparently slept with schweiz during freshman orientation i don't know why she picks such random famous people in case this doesn't put her crazy in perspective last night she spent half an hour telling her roommate about how she's ready to have a child with her kennedy boyfriend this is also scary because at her nannying job over the summer she force-fed the kids benadryl so they would fall asleep because she was too hungover to deal there's a kid in my english class who constantly says he's high as frick dude he basically just sits there shouting about how high he is and how he just wants to go blazer j with his girl man he also jokes about how helpful weed is to him and how it makes him smart he drags the class's average grade down five points every time there's a test also constantly says he's high on lsd as well mind you this is the richest kid at an upper class private school this kid is a compulsive liar and really sucks at it i don't understand why people brag about getting high it's not considered edgy anymore and you're just begging to get into trouble when you exclaim the everyone at school that you love to get high i used to walk home with two phenomenal bullshitters one of them claimed darren fletcher man united footballer spent christmas day at his house despite living on the other side of the country he also claimed that his mother was going to adopt his best friend who was like a brother to him the boy in question being a super hard but really nice boy who had grown up in poverty he didn't even exist another fantastic lie came from someone i went to school with who claimed he lived in a huge mansion one of my friends lived next door to him which kind of exposed the whole thing some guy that used to bartend that my buddy's bar had tons of them when he was in high school even though he never played football when his school's team was about to play in the state championship game the coach offered him money to play for that game he also said he could do a standing front flip over the bar and a backflip back over it he supposedly had to start shaving when he was 10 because he could grow a full beard and on and on my buddy had to fire him because people stopped coming in when he worked due to his insane bulls stories i actually know a dude that started growing facial hair at about ten when he was in eighth grade he had a full beard i was in fifth grade at that time and he totally threw off my perception of eighth graders i got to 8th grade and was like dude where the frick is my beard i knew a guy in high school cut off all the sleeves of his shirts because his doctor had told him his arms were too muscular and were cutting off circulation he also claimed to have been attacked by a bear cub and made the local news it turns out he had just scratched his own torso with his hands my dad was a police officer who had to investigate before the story had made the news he told me that the kid was full of crap and asked if he had a lying problem in fifth grade a kid in my class claimed that he had a copy of donkey kong country for sega genesis he said his dad was able to get it because he was really rich and well connected he kept telling me that i could borrow the game but kept forgetting to bring it to school it took me a few months to realize that he was lying when i was probably five or six i was really jealous of one of my friends because she had a seashell i told her that i had a pink one because i wanted her to be jealous of me i kept forgetting to bring it to school this wannabe gangster kid told everyone at school that he had gotten shot a few times the night before in a gang shootout i guess he wanted everyone to believe that he had just recovered really fast say hi to deadpool for me went on a trip with some people one of which was a whiny liar by the end she was a vegan echo terrorist lesbian with two boyfriends her dad's unemployed mother an alcoholic grew up in poverty she's semi-homeless she's been to jail twice never graduated high school and her unemployed dad is a great investor and paid a lot of money for her to get into college also eating meat is worse for you than smoking and vegans are persecuted needless to say nobody really liked her at all a lesbian with two boyfriends what had an acquaintance a couple years back who told a whole pile of bs including but not limited to a best friend who faked his death twice this same best friend was also a genetically enhanced test tube baby with the ability to infiltrate any location at any time with a handgun under his belt also undying loyalty a six feet one inches swedish blonde x with millions of dollars that he just had to keep saying no to she then died but her twin sister didn't and wanted him badly did i mention they were also genetically enhanced super babies a group of himself and four friends made a habit out of destroying lives for inconsequential grudges even supposedly manipulating three people into suicide and one into murdering another and he communed with demons once ghosts twice for clarity this guy is the spitting image of mclovin and answers phones for an internet domain hosting site if that doesn't scream hard and badass i'm not sure what does that is some pretty disturbing crap to make up and i lolled harder to description of him at the end a kid that lived across the street from us in the early 1990s claimed that he had a subscription to super nintendo power magazine he refused to show me any issues of this magazine because his mom had thrown them out i called him a liar and he punched me in the face a former classmate of mine in law school was mentally unbalanced on many levels and often lied compulsively even in the face of obvious evidence to the contrary the one i found most disturbing was when she convinced her out of town mother that she had a boyfriend he had a whole backstory fake pictures etc for months then to keep her mother from coming to visit one weekend she convinced her that she couldn't come because her boyfriend had died in a horrible car wreck for months afterwards she held it over her mother's head with guilt-tripping lines like how can you bother me right now when i am in such a sensitive emotional place and weird things like that i always felt like it was such a dark creepy thing to convince your own mother of and now she's a lawyer representing all you fine folks [Music] my best friend in high school passed away from a rare type of cancer another friend of mine hated him before he got sick and would always try to convince me to stay away from him after he died she was suddenly destroyed pretending as if his death was her own personal loss i stopped speaking to her because of this and in an effort to regain my friendship through sympathy she fabricated her own friend that just so happened to also be suffering from the same type of rare lymphoma that my friend has passed from she reached out to me pleading for someone to comfort her since i knew exactly how she was feeling as if her lie wasn't more blatant she convinced everyone that her sick friend had been her best friend since she was in elementary school but that he lived in arizona however i'd known her since we were 16 months old and was quite certain this person did not exist as were her parents i ignored her please and continue to keep her out of my life to this day there was this kid in my high school who every chance he got would brag about how he was rich he would lie about him having an expensive car at age 18 and how he was going to take over his dad's non-existent company when he graduated he ended up going to some nascar tech school and dropping out he now works at cvs my ex lived with a compulsive bullshitter his most outrageous lie was probably when he told us his dad had been killed in the full cleanse war a conflict that stated and finished in 1982 this guy was born in 1985. i know it's possible to freeze sperm but there were less than 300 british deaths in the conflict so it was pretty easy to check that the name he told us wasn't on it he later told everyone that he joined the army bought some camouflaged gear from a market stall and roamed aimlessly around town all day last i heard of him was when he appeared in a national paper after having got a job at a funeral parlor by pretending to be a qualified embalmer then filming himself waving seven heads around another one a friend of a friend from college told everyone about her canadian model boyfriend as evidence we were shown pictures cut out of magazines not even all of the same model the bulls peaked when she started gloating about how she'd spent christmas with him in montreal where they went skinny dipping and had sex in a river yeah sex in a river in the middle of winter in montreal freaking hilarious those sunny beaches of december montreal my fiance's friend is such a compulsive liar before he met his internet girlfriend now his fiance iral he claimed to have gone to so many parties where he drank a whole case of 24 beer and at one party girls were using him as a striper pole claimed to have participated in orgies all of this at the age of 17 i finally told his fiance about it last year since he claimed this all went down at the beginning of their online relationship she replied by telling me she was most definitely and quite obviously his first and i know a few people that could put down a case of beer at 18 or so 15 years later and they are still going strong my best friend's ex was out of town for like three days and no one had heard from her she comes back and when he asked where she'd been she informs him that a tai chi master had taken her for mountain training we live in texas not many mountains and she had to fight bears while out there with her tai chi she was serious lolwood all the same guy claimed he was a manager at work and would give us all raises he was later fired for this any time he saw you with something like an energy drink he would go on about how he invested all his money in that company claimed because of an encryption program he wrote he cannot be arrested for anything in the united states claimed he was kicked out of washington state for unstated reasons claimed he worked for a bunch of big companies at the same time he didn't and carried around expired badges from places like microsoft and boeing claimed he spent three thousand dollars a week on gifts for his wife claimed every weekend he flew all over the us for parties which usually ended up in vegas or the playboy mansion he had a few iphones without sim cards and would set the alarm to go off to sound like a call he was the biggest self-aggrandizing dish bag i have met and if you were having a conversation with someone else he had to butt in and turn the conversation around to him and one up everything i love the encryption one the most it's one thing to lie about things that someone somewhere could have or do but the craziness level of that lie is too funny this guy i used to work with said he was 31 which is fine he then went on to say that he fought in dessert storm which ended in 91 instead of calling him out on his obvious lie i asked him about his military service he went on to say that he was a third lieutenant in the army the rank doesn't exist and that he had no college degree lt ranks he usually only given to people with college degrees he said that after the war was officially over the army sent him to the air force because the af wanted him as an f-22 pilot by this point i was just outraged at his disrespect for the military in general and called him out in front of a bunch of people on a similar note i had a guy tell me he served on an aircraft carrier in the navy i asked which one he said the missouri i'm a military historian i know that carriers aren't named after states and the last non-submarine ship named missouri was a world war ii vintage battleship sophomore year in college one of my roommates had a few friends from his high school come to party for the weekend i was playing cod when they walked in and one guy asked if he could join as we play he tells me that he's in the marines in his second year quickly shows me his dog tags says he was on leave from afghanistan his squad was sent into a hostile town and one of his best friends got his leg blown off by an ied killed instantly he ran to cover and began returning fire on three hooded figures he killed two but lost track of one suddenly he was hit in the back of the head at this point he starts crying not like a single tear but straight up balling i should note that just he and i are in the room my roommate was showing his other friends around he says that lying on the ground he quickly grabbed a knife out of a pocket jumped up and stabbed his assailant in the face i had long ago left the cod lobby and was staring in utter shock he come over to me embraces me a guy he just met and through his tears and sobbing tells me that the man he killed was only a child 12 or 13. he excuses himself to the bathroom and i didn't see him the rest of his visit he left that night he couldn't drink because he was being redeployed the next day at lunch i tell my roommate how shocked i was and how much i respected the guy wish that i had thanked comforted him better but was too taken aback to react my roommate starts dying laughing and says oh that's just we'll call him johnny dude loves to frick with people turns out he was a freshman at a nearby university in an rotc program tldr my roommate's friend lied about stabbing a 12 year old gorilla in afghanistan faked a waterfall of tears literally crying on my shoulder just because he could doesn't sound like a compulsive liar just a very bored freshman with great acting skills i have a friend of a friend that is constantly coming up with the most ridiculous stories this guy was gone for two years to be in the coast guard and after he returned we went on a camping trip to celebrate these are some of the gems he came up with while we were drinking one night around the fire he was a member of a top secret covered operations group similar to seal team six in the coast guard in training they made him shoot some drug smugglers they'd captured to prove he wasn't afraid to kill during a pursuit of a drug smuggling boat he'd hung from a rope ladder of a helicopter shooting at the smugglers with his assault rifle in one hand there was more but like i said we were drinking needless to say we refuse to take anything he says seriously since then i was friends with a compulsive liar in high school he never lied about anything that would affect other people it was all about himself so we humoured him and let him tell his tales here are some of the more entertaining lies a couple months after lending him some love heena manga he started writing random japanese characters in class so that when people asked what he was doing he could tell them that he was practicing his japanese so that he could go to tokyo university at one point he even brought in an application form to show off i forget if he ever got around to accepting himself for a while he claimed to work part-time for a local branch of square developing the new final fantasy games when he saw me making dungeon maps for a d and d campaign i was working on he asked if he could have some to pass on to the design department i handed him some of my old maps and have no idea what he actually did with them occasionally he would mention that he was a black belt in kendo and go on about the competitions his team had won one day he even brought in a small photo album to back up his claims he handed this to me and said it was from the last tournament he had been in his team won obviously i quickly noticed that something seemed off about the photos not photoshopped just something odd about them after a few more i realized that you couldn't see anyone's faces in any other pictures in every single one the people had their helmets on even the people in the background were so blurred by the camera focus that you couldn't even identify their race there were no team logos no visible name tags nothing that could be used to identify the people when or where these pictures were even taken he must have spent hours digging through albums of kendo matches on the internet before he could find enough usable pictures he even spent the money to get them printed last i heard he had joined the navy not sure what he does but if you ask him he'll tell you that he's the guy who plans the missions for the seals funny story before my friend and i got our name badges the kendo instructor would often get us confused but anyway if he wanted to be truly legit fake kendo practitioner he should have said he was 10th dan rank that no longer assigned and they made an exemption for him amateur one of my roommates in college was a compulsive liar i heard so many stories from him about how his father owns a castle in ireland and he has many irish brothers and sisters that live there he also told me that he bought something along the lines of one thousand dollars worth of dinner because he was going to trade it in for 26 million dollars and he said he did then he told me he was going to fly all of our friends to hawaii for spring break two years ago but something came up and he couldn't go his name is cash ironically another thing was he said he paid a mortgage two car payments insurance and everything else like that while his mother was in prison and he was in high school he dropped out of college because he had no money and couldn't pay for it poor kid when i was a kid i would lie a ton to get attention whether it was the attention of my friends parents or teachers i loved it in retrospect it was pretty lame but at the time it felt like the only way i could get that attention from the people around me i faked having pains in my stomach for a few weeks before my mom finally took me to the doctor who sent me to have an ultrasound as he had no idea what the pains were it's very hard nowadays to diagnose imaginary pains i told my friends at school that i had an ultrasound because i swallowed an ice cube hole and it was freezing the inside of my stomach and the surrounding organs they believed me which of us was more stupid yeesh although back in the old days it was quite easy to diagnose imaginary pains it was either god's wrath satan's wrath or the wrath of witches one of my cousins told my mom and friends i died in a car accident i was hit by a mack truck and my door impaled my chest causing me to bleed out in the helicopter he got a black eye the next day i liked the last sentence best knew a girl who lied about having a boyfriend named baptiste she made him a myspace profile with all these pictures of robert pattinson i pretended to go along with it because i felt bad for her but then she pelted me with wet sponges so i called balls on her hit me with sponges and i'll hit you with the truth i for an eye justice for wet sponges i have a friend who always makes up the stupidest crap and tells people recently he told me he does school assignments for drug dealers and they pay him 100 per assignment another time he told me he was at a restaurant with some band playing and he started booing them because he thought the guitar player sucked he then claimed the guitar player stopped the band and called him out saying you think you can do any better and he responded by getting on stage and slamming down some wicked riffs after all this he then said people at the restaurant started clapping and the guitar player started crying he's 19 now and he's told me both of these stories within two months ago i had a friend who told me she was abused as a kid by her stepdad who then died that both her parents were dead and she was adopted and had anorexia thing is i was abused as a kid so i took it all very seriously and made sure she was in therapy then we had a school concert and her family were there and they are all spitting images of each other and also she isn't anywhere near thin enough to be anorexic and ate pretty normally with no signs of bulimia oh and she had been pregnant several times and also addicted to age bill had no track marks because it wasn't the kind of h you inject i feel mostly pity for her now she's fine and school is keeping a good eye on her if you're worried the most horrifying lies in this thread are the i was abused rape lies because that makes it harder for the people that really did get abused rape to get help i met a guy at a bus stop who told me a bulls story about how he owned the bubba gump shrimp company with a friend of his he also invested in some fruit distribution company and was responsible for uncovering the break-in at the watergate hotel i had a friend that was a one-upper any story that a person told around him he would one up by saying well one of my cows did this insert bull's statement here he told me once that his cousin blew up his dad's car with fireworks i had just told him about the two firecrackers i had back at my house i had a boss who would lie about everything he'd tell me he was drinking coffee when i watched him pour water in his cup every single word out of his mouth was some level of a lie big or small some favorites over the years his father was the president of u.s steel he had ridden secretariat he spoke fluent japanese he once beat up a mugger and made him call the cops on himself his parents married when they were 16 and were both doctors he told us he wasn't married when he was my favorite though was an elaborate tale he spun over the course of a month or more of meeting this woman and having this relationship this happens not long after he has left the company fired for lies among other things but some of my co-workers kept in touch with him the story goes on he proposes and marries her he goes into detail about the wedding that happened outside on a hill at sunset etc etc then later someone asks him in front of those of us who heard that he had just been married if he was married he says no he's not married he isn't even dating we call him on it things end badly nobody has heard from him since what is the most satisfying time you've caught someone in a lie i once had a graphic designer apply for a post using my artwork in his portfolio asked him all about the work and the thinking behind the designs before i showed him the originals in the door as someone who's about to become a creative professional i'm now worried i'll be accused of something like this and it's actually my work i work for a broadcast camera house we rent out camera systems to shows news sports etc a few years back a client rented a few cameras and some specialty lenses including one very rare very expensive fisheye a nice lens it's not made anymore so replacing it isn't possible and fixing it will be extremely expensive that was foreshadowing by the way so the package comes back at the end of the job and the lens has a div at the size of a quarter taken out of the front element i mean this thing was trashed i call the producer to have the you broke it we are billing you to fix it conversation within seconds the conversation breaks down to the this is bulls we never even used it it never came off the camera truck i can't believe we're being treated this way etc etc etc scream fest meanwhile it turns out that the client had also rented a few tape decks one of the still had a tape in it on a whim we watched the tape and damned if it wasn't footage from the camera with the lens in question very clearly showing the truck driving into it big hit two truck had to be going 25 plus mph i grabbed the tape and went to the producer's office let him scream a bit in front of about 10 other people he's the type that likes an audience before showing them the tape i made sure to shuttle back and forth a bit slow it down replayed a few times also showed them the part where his name was visible on the slate the look on his face was priceless ended up being a 20 000 repair bill never heard from him again it was worth it tl doctor douchebag damaged expensive camera and lens denied it and was dumb enough to send back photographic evidence that's just way too perfect to have happened by accident i'd be willing to bet that one of his employees got fed up with his crap if he's ranting and raving at you it's a safe bet that he's doing it to his own people and smuggled the tape off the shooting site then put it in a deck before the equipment was returned when i was in college i had just gotten two new front tires for my car a week later my back tire was punctured by a nail so i went to the local tire shop to have it replaced later that day they gave me a call tire shop the estimate to fix the puncture is x would you like us to repair it me yes please it was a reasonable price tire shop also i noticed that the treads on your front tires look dangerously low me my two front tires tire shop yes they are at 2 30 seconds of an inch low this is legally worn down and they should be replaced i can do it today for x dollars me so you are telling me that my two front tires are dangerously worn down tire shop yes me my brand new tires that i bought last week tire shop oh me forget fixing the puncture i'll be buying a minute to pick up my car lube tech at a jiffy lube tried to convince me that i needed a radiator service on a car that didn't have a radiator he even showed me a ph strip to prove that the fluid had gone acidic i told him if he could show me the radiator i'd cheerfully pay for the service his face when he opened my car's trunk where most cars keep their hoods was pretty priceless my boyfriend used to work third shift at a popular gas station on the east coast he worked with one of those notoriously terrible co-workers that calls in all the time with tons of excuses well one night she called out saying that she was sick that she was vomiting and feverish couldn't come in sorry the only person available to work her [ __ ] was the district manager who happened to be in the area for a meeting dm comes in and works cashier with my boyfriend around 3am who should walk in but the called out co-worker wasted beyond belief she bought two rolls of thompson date one while waiting in line waiting in line for the dm to ring her up and fire her on the spot tl dr co-worker fakes being sick only to return to place of employment waste didn't find her boss boss waiting on her dang that was stupid of her i went to a chicago bears game back in the early 90s with my childhood best friend and his grandfather who had had season tickets to the bears for a long long time back to like 1972 we get to the seats which are in an awesome location to see four guys sitting in grandpa's seats my friend's grandpa tells them guys you are in our seats can you please move one of the dudes is a huge dong and says the seats are his groups grandpa says they are wrong and they need to move to which one guy replies oh yeah well i don't see your name on them so frick off grandpa points to the seat back on the seat nearest to him which in fact has an engraved nameplate with grandpa's name on it same with all the other seats since he had the same seats for so long he was able to get them engraved it was amazing watching these four idiots stammer and walk away oh boy do i have a doozy so i had a job with this complete butthole who for the sake of this story we will refer to as peter peter had not paid me in a few weeks and i was starting to become more forceful when asking him about it one day he handed me a letter from someone we'll call harry who purported to be the ceo of the company harry was firing me now i had never met harry and in fact when i was hired peter told me that he himself was the ceo well i was fired but i still wanted my back pay as it was nearly 2 400 i wrote peter many emails and he replied by saying that this harry was not approving my pay i don't know why harry had to approve anything as i was a legitimate employee with a contract time sheets the whole kit and caboodle when i asked peter he was vague about it finally i called the pennsylvania department of labor and industry i set up an arbitration hearing when peter arrived the first thing he said was my name is peter and i pay my employees throughout the hearing i showed my timesheets the contract i signed with peter the letter signed by harry that said i was fired and the host of emails in which peter states that harry is the one who is holding up my back pay then came the kuda grace i busted out a final document harry's death certificate filed with the social security administration harry had indeed once been the ceo of the company unfortunately he died two years before i ever started working there making it quite difficult for him to be the one who was keeping my money from me peter was furious he started shouting and referring to me as this little prick he was caught in an obvious fraud and he was p not only did i get my back pay but the arbitrator also awarded me additional money that peter had to pay in fines and penalties it was so sweet i strutted out of that hearing with the swagger of ten thousand humphrey bogarts it was a beautiful day so i went to a local bar where i could sit outside watch the girls walk by drink beer and eat a lobster burger which is exactly what it sounds like and is awesome in two weeks a check came signed by peter i cashed it and used the money as the security deposit on a sweet new apartment as a small business owner i cannot imagine not paying my employees payroll is the first thing i do on monday mornings a girl i go to school with did everything she could for attention she walked into class one day with a huge bruise on her cheek claiming that she had been punched in the face at a party fast forward a few days and we're both at a mutual friend's house she still has the bruise and won't stop talking about it and trying to make us feel bad for her upon looking a little closer i see that the bruise is slightly sparkly it's obviously makeup so i tell her that i have something to put on bruises to make them heal faster and she agrees to try it out it was actually makeup remover i put some on a cotton pad and with one swipe the bruise was gone at first she tried to keep the light going saying wow that stuff really works and such but then she gave up and stormed out of the house throwing a fit tl dr girl used her bruise to get attention the bruise was actually makeup i was webmaster at a companyduring.com my job was to handle all things internet one day a salesman asked me to check our mail server a client had sent a message that bounced checked it out mail server was fine a little while later a customer called and said they couldn't get to our website i checked it out web server fine serving up pages to other users as the day progressed the complaints got more frequent but from where i was sitting everything looked fine dns everything then i checked the domain record it was expired that very day this meant that our presence on the internet was slowly disappearing as dns caches around the world expired nobody could use our products units in the field that relied on a connection were malfunctioning so i started emailing the accounting woman she blamed me claiming she never got the bill there was a shitstorm of internal email activity involving all levels of the company she stood her ground then my boss came to my desk and we went to see her she lied straight to our faces that she never got the invoice but right there on the far side of her desk it sat plain as day i just looked at my boss and pointed to it k-a-a-a-t-h-u-d-d-d i assume your post ended with the law and order noise had an old 1984 mazda 626 that had a rear wheel bearing die being about 18 at the time i didn't know as much about cars as i do now but i still knew enough to tell the mechanic that canadian tyre was full of crap the car was pulled into the shop they lifted it up on the hoist and the wheel fell off it was still bolted to the brake drum the bearing had just come apart but i didn't really know that all we saw was the exposed internals of the rear brakes the mechanic saw the look on our faces and thought charging as they received a portion of parts sales back then a couple hours later he calls back and says he has a quote i look through the list of about 15 items and a total of 2 600 and immediately called a tow truck i went through the list and pointed out five items that didn't even exist on the car rear brake caliper rear differential etc i tore into the guy and eventually his manager and told them i wasn't paying a cent for the diagnosis i got the car home and with the help of the haines manual installed the 34 wheel bearings myself in about an hour and the car worked perfectly for about five more years so i drive a very nice luxury performance sports car and on this particular night i had driven it to her friends and parked it in an area that is easily visible to the street and is near a good amount of bars when i come back down there's this guy and three girls around the car and he's telling them he lives in the condos next to the lot and he just forgot his keys to the car up there he keeps talking about being vp of investments for some company i've never heard of and telling the girls they should have a night on the town with him because he is paying so i walk up to my car and he makes this disgusted face at me like i've just taken a crap on his feet and goes don't touch the car man i just got it detailed yesterday to which i respond oh i'm sorry i wasn't going to it's really nice car i just wanted to look at it he turns around to the girls and says something that he and only he thinks is funny and is motioning my way when i put my hands in my pocket and hit the unlock button that also makes the car lights turn on it was night time at this point he jumped as if a gunshot went off and the look on his face when i opened the door and started the car was priceless should have asked the girls he was trying to impress if they wanted a ride i worked in an i.t department and had the option of taking some leave time as cash this required submitting a form to my then manager who had it and for me at the time after several hours i decided to take a stroll over to accounting and talk to a fellow co-worker to see if she had received the paperwork she hadn't i then asked if there would be any foreseeable problem with issuing me the cash nope she said just need the paperwork i went back to my desk and not five minutes later my manager walked by the door on her way home for the day at 1 30 no less and told me that she had talked to accounting and said they couldn't issue me the check who did you talk to i asked common name she said that's funny i replied because i just spoke to her five minutes ago and she said it wouldn't be a problem let's go talk to her no no i'll go talk to her my manager replied and wouldn't you know it i got my check 15 minutes later as an epilogue i had the sincere pleasure of securing down my manager's pc and locking out her network account per the cio's orders when she got terminated three months later the last thing she saw as she was escorted onto the elevator and led out of the building was my smiling face i once knew a girl who claimed to have brain cancer she was always using it to get sympathy from others and her bf and free things while at the same time drinking and doing drugs she would go to her party do lines of sea and drink all night and the next day complain on facebook that her chemo was making her really sick that day she would always use the chemo excuse to mooch pot off of people as well basically whenever she wanted a free bar tab or to get out of something her bf wanted to do brain cancer was her excuse so one night i am at a halloween party and she is there using her fake brain cancer to get sympathy free things from guys she is sitting in the corner smoking weed crying about how hard it is to have this kind of cancer and how much the blast radiation makes her sick and how each day is a struggle anyway she gets up to walk to the bathroom and in her high drunken state trips and falls immediately a bunch of guys and her bf rushed to her aid sorry a side effect of the radiation is loss of balance this was the last straw for me i rushed over to her side and told her to stay on the ground i have first responder training you've just fallen and your brain is in a very delicate state right now due to the blast radiation do i have your permission to help you yes please help me i feel funny she lies loving the attention she is getting from the entire party i point to her bf call nine one one we need an ambulance here now explain to them that she is undergoing blast radiation for brain cancer she has taken a hard fall and could have suffered a head injury at this point she starts to panic why are you calling do that here let me call my personal doctor instead don't call 9-1-1 i calmly tell her bf and the group of bystanders our mutual friends that you really should go to the er of course he insists long story short the paramedics show up we tell them what's going on and they take her to the hospital in the ambulance we all get rides to the hospital and because we are such a large group are asked to sit in the waiting room when the nurse finally comes out to the waiting room after her mri to let us know that she's fine her boyfriend mentions the brain cancer the nurse of course is completely confused by this question the boyfriend prods for more info from the nurse and basically finds out in front of the entire group that she does not have brain cancer everyone wtfs and leaves including her bf tl dr girl pretends to have brain cancer ends up with huge medical bill thank you so much for the red dead gold whomever you are this was my first real comment i think this one wins an ex-girlfriend of mine called to tell me she was pregnant and that she needed money to terminate the pregnancy i did the math quickly in my head and realized that there was no way she could be pregnant by me because we had stopped having relations long before we split so i told her that as the father i had rights too and that i wanted her to have the child and i would take full custody and pay her medical bills she was speechless and then said i'll call you back she called a day or so later saying she had a miscarriage we used to know this girl who compulsively lied about the littlest things so we always wondered if she was lying about other things mainly we wondered if she was lying about having epilepsy well she faked a fit in front of a group of us once at a party she started pretending to shake fell to the floor and so on she then stopped confirmed that people were looking and paying attention and then continued we told her to stop and that she was obviously faking she left my ex was away for the summer to edmonton things were getting serious between us but a summer apart would be difficult we had some long chats and decided that we'd stick out the distance my dad worked for a major airline so we get very cheap flights and my sister wanted to see west edmonton mall so we went on a trip to see her now before she left i had noticed that she had been facebooking with a guy from edmonton and old friend she called him i thought nothing of it at the time his name was mike fast forward and we land in edmonton i get to her place and she seems happy to see me but something didn't feel quite right i had arrived early and she wasn't ready we were meant to meet my dad sister for lunch and she needed a shower we were quite a sexual couple so when my offer to join her in the shower was denied i thought it was really weird since i hadn't seen her in a month the juice bit while she's in the shower someone knocks on the door i was the only other person in the house so i answered there's a guy about my age he actually kind of looked like me it was a little creepy he says is melissa there i'm like yup she's just in the shower and we were heading out right after that for lunch can i help you with anything mike responds oh well i'm melissa's bf i started putting my shoes on opened the door and told him to come in before saying me too i left and never spoke to her again was complete crap trying to figure out edmond and transit by myself there p i just read a few more stories about x's cheating with a guy named mike my ex had a friend called mike huck not really a lie but i was that kid who set all the curves in math class in high school i'm chinese and there were other chinese kids who sat behind me in class i don't know why they didn't think i spoke mandarin but i did they were talk crap on me all the time in mandarin like this stupid kid thinks he's so freaking smart blah blah blah i never reacted literally the last week of class i turned around and starting talking to them in fluent mandarin priceless look on their faces dracqueries when i was in junior high i had a best friend let's call her kim who basically treated me like dog crap she was always insulting me always bossing me around basically she was just a crappy little person all around i don't really know why i was her friend but i was anyway on top of being a little crap kim was also a raging pathological liar she was constantly trying to one-up me with these huge obviously not true lies but since i was a pushover and she was my only friend i usually just took it and pretended to believe her but one day kim told a lie and i decided i had enough she waited until we were at the bus stop with a bunch of other kids and started telling them a very elaborate lie about how she had been visited by god in a dream and was told that she was pregnant with the next jesus christ and that the baby was the biological son of the most popular guy in school who she knew i had a crush on she went on and on and on all day about how she could now feel this child kicking in her womb and how god said the baby's father was her soulmate and they would be married in a year's time blah blah blah and some of the [ __ ] on the bus actually believed her or at least pretended to i stayed quiet about it all day nodding politely whenever she started in on her story about how she was the new virgin kim after school i would always get off the bus at kim's stop and spend the afternoon at her house doing homework until my mom got home that day was no different i got off the bus with kim smiled and nodded enthusiastically as i listened to her jabber on about how she was supposedly inseminated with people god's holy creation you're okay with me being pregnant with ryan's baby right kim asked me as we started up a driveway i know you were kind of in love with him but i feel like this is fate you know yeah i'm fine i said okay good kim side with her smug smirk i mean it's not like you're really ryan's type anyway you know he's always hanging out with those really skinny girls tea but i said nothing i just nodded and smiled like i had done all day and followed kim into her house down the hall and into her kitchen where her mom was sitting at the counter reading a book hi girls kim's mom sang out as soon as she saw us i always liked her how was school it was fine kim said did anything interesting happen the polite smile on my face slowly crept up in the corners to a full-on crap eating grinch smirk kim why don't you tell your mom the story you told everyone at school i looked into kim's eyes and could almost hear the sound of her stomach falling out of her butt about how you're pregnant i calmly sat in the nearest chair folded my hands in my lap and watched as the world burned down around me this is a perfect story not only is kim completely out of control she's also rude and fairly stupid about religion i love the way you bite your time and effortlessly sweetly politely and helpfully consign her to a raging inferno or demon mike fury i wasn't the one doing the catching but i got to witness two people catching each other in a lie in the most fascinating way possible a friend of mine told his girlfriend that he didn't want to hang out that night because he wasn't feeling good she immediately started reassuring him that it wasn't a big deal they had reserved at night to spend time together and that he should get some rest well after sleeping it off he felt okay to do something again so he tried getting their plans back in order at this point she said she was just calling it a night and finishing some homework so she didn't want to hang out anymore his response was that he would do the same well my friend was full of crap and he came out to the bar with me instead lo and behold this was the same bar that his girlfriend had decided to visit that night as well me and my friend moved to the dance floor and we got separated a bit he was about 15 feet to my right when i thought i caught a glimpse of his girlfriend across the room right as i noticed her my first reaction was to look at him to see if he saw her well as i looked from her over to him and back to her they notice each other i got to watch as their eyes met and their expressions went to looks of complete horror in one glorious moment it was priceless it worked out in that oldies song about pina coladas dated a girl for a month that used to talk about how her ex was so terrible and used to beat her up steal her things rip up her clothes etc i ran into her aches didn't know it until some time into the convo at a bar and found out he was a pretty stand-up guy a long story short we find out she's sleeping dating with both of us the past few weeks that night she texts me and tells me that her ex the one i just talked to just broke into her house and stole her car keys meanwhile he's standing right next to me a few days pass and i'm waiting for the right moments to catch her in a big lie and make her feel like crap for cheating her ex now a friend of mine at this point are talking behind the scenes while she lies to both of us about all kinds of random stuff fast forward to the part where she finds out we talked one night she starts asking me about what he said so she could use it to file a restraining order against him and just then i get a phone call from the ex saying he heard a crazy story how this girl was trying to get him to help her set up a restraining order against me i'm like wtf she said the same thing about you we laughed the look on her face when i gave her the phone was priceless tl dr became friends with an xbf of a girl i dated she cheated on us both she tried to lie to me to get him in trouble and vice versa found out we knew each other chat bricks compulsive liars over at it what's the most heroic way you've sacrificed your own life to save someone else's i signed up for the organs for orphans program at first it was okay i didn't mind losing a kidney to save a sweet nubile life but things got harder from there now i am stuck in a hospital hooked up to machines the doctors say they can help me let a normal life but i need to raise thirty thousand dollars for an operation organs for orphans program wait i thought it was an exchange once some terrorists with invisibility cloaks broke into my school they were about to shoot the place up so i punched all 12 of them with my left hand breaking it in 19 places now i admit i have quite a few supermodel girlfriends but that night i felt guilty that the terrorists kids would not get their bedtime story about the bears with hairs in their porridge this dichotomy led to a marked decline in my notorious horniness and i could only fully service five of them needless to say some of my girlfriends went crazy and one of them decided to poison me it was enough to kill an elephant they told me at the hospital but somehow i didn't die for three days i recall walking toward the light shouting noah then suddenly waking up i'm faced with a white-coated grey-haired man telling me i had been dead for 18 minutes and he was amazed that i definitely had no brain damage he continued blabbing about how one an ounce of wristing should kill a man and he asked if he could run a study me next thing i know the military arrived and put me in a van big waste of time fools i snapped their extra strong military handcuffs and jumped through the window at around 80 miles per hour that's how fast i jump when i'm not even trying then i walked home smoking a cigarette comma one pound of ricin i'm deceased edit one pound of ricin can kill and 11 nine thousand eight hundred and nine point two five people when i was military i was a submarine door gunner one day on patrol my co-gunner was running low on oxygen i as a senior rank had the duty of giving him my supply i can still see the bubbles from my tube as i disconnected it from my breather and secured it to his i gently tapped his shoulder and released my harness to float off to the abyss luckily i was found by a passing mermaid caravan they took me to their shelter and taught me to breath underwater i took a liking to the only redhead there long story short that was the first time i caught crabs submarine door gunner this makes your story my favorite obviously none of you are very good compulsive liars because all of your stories suck me on the other hand saved an entire school bus from a fleet of land sharks after hurricane harvey they all thanked me and hooked me up with their moms who were all 10 stroke tennis liar land sharks form armored columns not fleets if you had really fought off land sharks like i have you would know this i was hang gliding into work one day wondering where the heck i was going to park when i saw a gaggle of nuns down below torturing some poor cute little kittens by forcing them to listen to vogue and poetry i immediately turned to circle overhead while dialling the authorities unfortunately somehow the nuns managed to spot my neon pink hang glider and proceeded to shoot at me with those dang crossbows they all carry as i spiraled down to my certain death i was relieved to realize two things one that the authorities were on their way and would certainly rescue the poor puppies and two that i would not have to try to park my hang glider at starbucks after all till kittens become puppies when listening to vogue and poetry back about five to six years ago i remember because looper wasn't out yet but everyone was excited about it there was a group of five men trying to rob a bank i happened to be in they were all wearing presidential masks nixon cleveland van buren garfield and i want to say the last one was taft but it could have been roosevelt feared or not franklin anyways the guy wearing the van buren had a shotgun was on crowd control van buren was yelling at everyone to get down while the others got to work i though walked up to van buren and said to him son you don't need to do this just give me the gun and walk away from this i was even getting through to van buren and he was about ready to do just that but then the ringleader nixon came out and started yelling well i had to act quick so i grabbed van buren's shotgun and downed him with one shot and then wheeled toward nixon and shot the second shell just as nixon pulled the trigger on his cult my shot hit nixon right in the face killing him instantly but his shot tore through my chest and i went down the other three though were now in disarray at having seen two of their buddies go down in the last thing i remember before i died was the crowd rushing the three remaining presidents inspired by my sacrifice other than the two presidents and myself nobody got hurt that day i'm most proud of the fact that among the people i saved was a lady pregnant with triplets who i on a later day helped deliver when she couldn't get to the hospital in time but that's a whole other situation so i'll not go into details how that came to be one day when i was going to teach my advanced robotics class at columbia university i saw another tenured professor getting ready to cross a street i just so happened to be testing a new 32-rotor drone which was fully equipped with lights i crashed the prototype to distract a car getting ready to hit this poor professor my life was ruined because i was building a game-changing robot and i lost funding because the prototype was destroyed i should have let that bastard die i'd be a billionaire today so check this i'm at this rooftop party talking to these swedish models who are in for fashion week soho is just bonkers i'm thinking which one am i taking home the blonde is cute but kind of tall but that one girl who dyes her hair black she looking good so there we are at a rooftop vip club and all of a sudden freaking alligators come out of the pool i mean people are freaking out check it i walk up to that alligator and punch it in the nose so hard it goes flying off the rooftop and you can hear car horns blaring so i mean after that i'm getting laid right so i go back to that group of girls and bam a group of terrorists and parachuting in so i do the only thing i know how i get on top of the dj table and start chucking records like frisbees the power behind my throw severed all the chords as i'm walking to citizen arrest these buttholes i slip on the water fall into the pool and almost drown cause i can't swim that's how i save the world i remember this i heard that the guys who wrote the saints row games were at that party and base the third off of what you did when i was living in miami i took the subway to work every morning which was convenient because my apartment buildings basement had a walkway straight to the station one morning i was walking through the hallway i saw the guy on his phone fall off the platform onto the tracks i yelled for somebody to help but nobody did anything i jumped onto the tracks pulled the guy off of the rails and helped him back onto the platform about 10 seconds before the express train came by he thanked me and gave me a gold coin said i could keep it and when i looked up i recognized who it was it was donald trump when i was living in miami i took the subway to work every morning lost it at this both at the thought of a subway in miami and the concept of a reliable public transportation system i didn't give up my life i said but i was forced to give up the life i knew in west philadelphia born and raised on the playground is where i spent most of my days chilling out maxin relics in all cool and all shoot in some b-ball outside of the school when a couple of guys who were up to no good started mark in trouble in my neighborhood i got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said you're moving with your auntie and uncle in bel air i whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dies in the mirror if anything i could say that this cab was rare but i thought nafa gets it yo home to bel air i pulled up to the house about seven or eight and i yelled to the yo homes smell you later looked at my kingdom i was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of bel-air as the prince of bel air i was able to order the execution of the ruffians that formerly threatened those in my neighborhood that guy in terminator that film was based on my actual life i had to travel back in several times to stop myself from buying a sega mega drive otherwise sonic would rule the world yours sincerely mario all right so you aren't gonna believe this but basically my boss was wailing down on my son he was p because he wouldn't join the company after he was given the offer of all the power he could ever wish for so i think to myself for a few minutes as i watch my son in pain screaming father i'm afraid he's gonna kill him i strut up with my boss and i pick him up and throw him off this railing not before he attacks me a little what in butthole i fall down panting my son grabs me and drags me to his car takes off my helmet i work on a building site second time they've built this building first time it was destroyed by buncher protesters i am so exhausted i look into my son's eyes i know i'm not going to make it i say now go my son leave me he refused says i'll be fine and that i'm coming with him that he's going to save me i know he already has saved me what a terrible company i worked for he was right he always told me it was terrible tell your sister you were right i say i faint from exhaustion tl dr i save my son's life and he saves mine more or less no that's not true that's impossible so here i was in ibiza with my big circle of friends who was annoying me with all this are you so cool talk so honestly i felt like i had to give them something back for this awesome wealthy trip that i doubt someone will ever have again naturally as a buff bodybuilder and swimmer that reached the end of lake victoria swimming underwater with only a few breaths i wanted to go and swim until they couldn't see me just for the lols i called a friend of mine who used to be the youngest navy seal and he is a pretty big dude too not bigger than me we both think this is a great idea and we go on but see we went really far with the lols and without us even noticing the sun was going down and we reached a pretty far distance from where we couldn't even see the shore no big deal right i've done it plenty of times and my navy seal friend eric used to always tell me about how he used to get lost on army trainings in philippines so i thought not much of it and we got it as i was getting the directions i saw this big huge shark coming our way by the time eric saw it too he was in big trouble and right there in that moment i look up in prayer and i notice eric's army friends from the airborne branch with a dang helicopter they release the ladders and i jump in them and write as the shark was about to eat eric i get a lamp from my pockets and hold it to eric who catches it and holds himself to it while the helicopter moves away it was a pretty big deal and everybody talked about it that year a few years ago i went to the zoo there was a dumb baby that fell into the guerrilla habitat i jumped in to rescue him when ameribee hit me with a left hook i popped him in the eyes he got pee off and started shooting coconuts out of a wooden bazooka at this point i had to seek cover luckily i remembered coconuts float so i dove into the water i held my breath for nearly four minutes when this weird monkey named lanky gave me a blow-grape gun and a clutch of grapes i started sending grapes downrange to homeruby he sought cover behind a tree and corner peaked waiting for me run out of ammo at that point the real battle ensued as i charged him hamera b began throwing barrels at me i jumped over them one by one as i got closer to himera b i reached for the child when a zookeeper said stop we both stopped and looked up at the zookeeper he was holding a rifle and said he was going to shoot all three of us fortunately someone left gawkins in the habitat donkey kong berm ameribee snagged the baby and took off i quickly hopped onto the remaining go-kart and hauled butt down a path in the habit at in close second i found myself dodging one banana peel after another suddenly we heard something coming up behind us i turned around just in time to spot a blue turtle shell it clipped my right wheel and flipped me over sending me off the path as a cloud came to my rescue i noted whomeraby was also hit and lost the child as the fishing line let loose i scooped up the baby quickly and took off when i reached the wall at the back of the habitat i swiftly climbed to the top before i stepped over the rail i noted a sign that said no hamera is beyond this point i watched as he pulled his gocket to a stop and stared at the sign he nodded his head and began walking back to his tree house the cloud then came over and said the child was fine i watched as himera be kept walking home before he reached the trunk the zookeeper came busting out of a room next to the observation deck yelling he has a child he raised his weapon and shot b in the chest and that's how i saved an idiot from a gorilla sorry when you work at mid like i do you aren't allowed to talk about it now everyone look directly into your computer or phone's camera why just the other day i saw a woman attack a small child in the grocery store she clawed at the eight-year-old boy causing blood to pour onto the floor seeing as i work in the store i knew i was the only one who would possibly care so i leapt into action grabbing my trusty standard issue stun baton i began beating the child as well he was screaming and crying but i knew what must be done the woman stopped to take a breath and i looked her in her tiffany eyes and said calmly i'll finish this off don't you worry i raised the baton over my head and brought the electric end down on the boy's nether regions the electricity arced across his urine stained pants as his mouth began to foam his chest stopped rising and falling and i knew he had been stopped the store erupted in cheers and the woman thanked me for saving her from the pint-sized pest the miniature menace the tiny terrorist i remember this one time a bus load of swedish supermodels broke down in front of my house and burst into flames all these scantily clad women poured out and were like oh you the jesse clark you're so brave and sexy save us please and i was all ugh why do all the super models always want to bother me for casual sex when i'm in the middle of defeating an international cabal of auntie american ninjas but after defeating the last ninja will a triple back flip kick to the head i finally made my way over got all the models to safety and then help the fire department put out the blaze when the may have finished giving me the key to the city i went home and had a sex marathon with the models on a bed covered in all the money i'd gotten and donations from thankful citizens not like i needed it since i'm worth like a trillion dollars after starting my own business exxonmobil i was walking down the street when i saw a hot girl being attacked by a ninja as he raised his katana for the final blow i pulled it out of his hands from behind shocked and surprised he spun around to reveal he was actually a bear i spun the katana around and attacked the ninja bear but he blocked it with his batman gloves and broke the blade i yelled to the girl to run while i jump kicked him into the street we fought like in the matrix with cars crashing around for a little while we were pretty evenly matched but i landed a good punch on his face and he staggered backward with a mighty roar the bear went super saiyan not the lame later super saiyan with the tail and fur just the early ones with the gold hair and aura i knew he was going to be trouble so i darted in behind him and grabbed him around the neck but he jumped to try to throw me off so i jumped with him to make a super jump i directed us towards the sun because it was the only way to win when he realized what was happening he started crying you'll kill us both he cried it's just been revoked i responded then we both died in the sun and i had sex with the hot girl i was at the gym once and i saw some guys harassing some girl so when he got on the treadmill i hacked it with my phone and set it to 100 miles per hour and he fell on his butt the gym manager came out and gave me a free one-year membership and the entire gym clapped so i was flying off to my super blimp in my giant hot potato plane when suddenly i heard a scream from below i looked down and saw a girl dress up as a french fry being murdered by her dad i looked at my potato meter and realized that if i flew down to save her i wouldn't have enough fuel to get back to my blimp which is my home and always has been anyway me being a brave and fearless field marshal in the military and a high-ranking officer in the space marines normal marines and air force and also president of the free universe at that point but i don't talk about that had to sacrifice my eternal comfort house food and money to land a precision strike on this girl's father saving her life and the free world as i later discovered that this man was the leader of an international terrorist group planning to destroy the entire world yes i know that description of events was modest but you are all welcome no need to thank me not a compulsive lie but i once donated two kidneys and delivered to my wife because she was in stage six cancer it was a long procedure and i was ready to accept my death but they were actually able to save her with just one kidney and liver they put the other one back in and life has been a blessing ever since when my wife recovered and realized what i did for her she gave me a free sexy time card where i can get whatever my heart penis desires whenever i want basically non-stop bj's and threesomes i'm not a hero just doing my job one day my second grade teacher told us that god doesn't exist bc there is bad in the world then i got up and said shut the frick up you antagonistic longing for attention be if i wanna believe in god it's my freaking problem she then proceeded to give me a [ __ ] but i hated her so much i called in child services and she went to jail for child sexual abuse that kid's name albert einstein there i was in the star fox parking lot with my fellow sisters trying to save some poor little baby cat dogs by exorcising the demons that had inhabited them we were partially through our 40th hail mary and praise fsm when this iron man wannabe mother comes gliding around in a [ __ ] pink hang glitter the douchebag is calling while flying and so we tried shooting some warning nerf darts at him to get his attention back on the sky road then the guy clearly a fake bob flew off into the sunset and back into the bowels of heck with the elizabeth one day i was walking to work because my tesla was getting fitted with a machine gun i rounded a corner and i witnessed 12 guys attempting to rape a busload of playboy bunnies being a master of a certain type of ninjutsu i am not allowed to speak about i made quick work of the thugs one tried to shoot me but i was able to deflect his bullet back to him with a trashcan lid all of the playboy girls were so happy and they took me on the bus after i had banged all 20 of them 11 of which wanted to marry me after i got a call from work wondering where i was after relaying my story it turns out one of the girls was the daughter of the ceo of the company he doubled my pay and gave me a nine week paid vacation to the bahamas where i met dwayne johnson we got in a fight and i kicked his butt on the beach and stole his beer he now mows my grass every other saturday so that i do not bring it to light of how i manhandled him my best friend lost a wife and child in a tragic boating accident i tried my hardest to save him and i swam harder than i ever have before it was only after i got into sure that i realized he wasn't drowning with a gut wrenching growl he screamed into my face what have you done i saved you mother you pulled me away from my wife you're welcome so i was walking down a rainy street my fedora dripping onto my trench coat when i saw this hot chick who i immediately respected as a human being aggressively propositioned by a bro wife rat dong wearing a letterman's jacket he was trying all of his lame pickup lines on her like are you an angel because i've always wanted to freaking angel suddenly he grabs her wrist and she looks panicked let go of me she yelled that's when i knew i had to act my hands quickly reached for my katana but i felt that death was too good for this guy so instead i reached back between my shoulder blades and grabbed the nunchucks keep holstered there i then took off my fedora and allowed my blonde ponytail to fall freely down my back a quick turn of my wrists produced my hachimaki which i quickly bound around my head to keep my hair out of my eyes let go of her i growled glaring at him past knitted brows startled he looked up with a panicked expression but quickly regained his composure a wordless nod of his head to the shadows and suddenly 30 of his henchmen appeared a description of our battle would surely be tl dr but suffice to say after a few moments i alone stood facing my adversary among the bodies of his accomplices that's when i felt a sharp prick of pain low on my chest i looked down to see the cure coated he had shot at me through some sort of tube in his shoe he smiled at me and let out a cruel laugh i knew i only had moments to act before the lethal poison worked its deathly effect on me a practiced flick of my fingers produced the desired affect as my eyes dimmed i was rewarded to see his haughty face staring upwards from his prone body cleaved with my shuriken as the last light faded from my eyes the girl i never knew the name of threw herself on me balling my hero my hero it was 1962 i was in the air force reserve we were currently on duty at a naval base the day it happened wasn't a normal day you know swap the deck test the engines protect from the kamikazes anyways like i said not a normal day we were cleaning and noticed it was getting quite cloudy very interesting normally in the ocean we never experienced a single cloud ever then it started to rain i remember it oh so well people screaming and hanging on for their lives in the wind lo and behold i grabbed each one and put them in the cargo plane i barely made it out each one of them saved and we made it safely to hawaii where we could refuel and go back to washington dc where president bush gave me a purple heart for saving all 212 people on board single-handedly became potus last year one year later and there's no listen china okay there's iraq and space about to block out the sun huge not good we must keep america safe not an eclipse fake news only one way to proceed nobody has laser eyes like me i looked up and stared at the meteor grabbed it right by its crater got my laser eyes right in there the rock was in baywatch wow shattered liberal news media says it moved sad i was one my way to my anniversary dinner with my wife when i get a call from the joint chiefs they needed my help to take down bin laden without a second thought i turned my car around and headed to the nearest base they flew me out on the next concord available during the raid on bin laden's compound someone threw a grenade and i had to sit on it to save my team's lives in the process my cell phone miraculously saved me and this is why i couldn't call my wife to let her know i'd be late for our anniversary diner if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: UE Stories

Views: 188,960

Keywords: biggest liars caught, biggest liars, biggest liar in the world, biggest liars on youtube, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2021, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: 52jkTzOwvKc

Length: 166min 0sec (9960 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 10 2021