I don't want my son to attend my ex husband's and his mistress wedding

[Music] my ex-husband and i were married for five years three years into the marriage i found out he was cheating on me through text messages he begged me to take him back and that he would never do it again i took him back more for the sake of our very young son he was too at the time we even did marriage counseling a year later i found out he was still cheating on me with the same girl i ended it i have custody the majority of the time my ex gets two weekends a month i hate him but i try to keep it civil for the sake of our son and try not to talk badly about him in front of our son it's been eight months since our divorce was finalized and he is getting married to his mistress apparently she is pregnant so they are rushing it last week he calls me up about the date of the wedding a date in october saying he wants our son to be there the date of the wedding is one a weekend i have custody too the day of his cousins my sister's son seventh birthday party my son is very close his cousin and my sister has a fun party she is planning i told my ex there is no way is my son going to the wedding he said that i was being a bitter bee i tell him that if he really wanted his son to be there he would have scheduled the wedding on a weekend he had custody or actually check with me before booking the date i'm not changing up my schedule to accommodate a wedding to his mistress he starts complaining about how that was the only date they could get in short notice and how he can't change the date because of the venue and how his fiance's parents have already booked their flights to cummin and it's a small wedding and it would be weird for his son not to be there and i'm causing drama for no reason his mom who i've remained cordial with then calls me up and begs me to allow my son at the wedding i say no my family is on my side but my ex keeps having his family try and beg me to allow our son at the wedding am i the a here my sister recently found out her husband has been having an affair for two years and the mistress is pregnant this is especially devastating for her as they've been trying to have children for the last four years and we're finally talking about starting ivf my bill has been begging my sister for a second chance and swears he's broke it off with the other woman she's currently staying at my place and hasn't decided what to do next my sister did some digging and figured out who she was and when she showed me a picture i was shocked the woman rents an apartment i own my bill would sometimes do the maintenance for it she definitely knew he was married as the first time he did work there i mentioned he was my sister's husband i'm so angry on my sister's behalf and i told my husband i wanted her to move out he politely asked her to move out by the end of the month and she got angry and said this was her home and if we wanted her out we would have to evict her my husband is on the fence about going through with it but i definitely want to evict her i know she's pregnant but i'm just so disgusted by what she's done and i don't want someone like that living in my property i also think it would be better to evict her before the baby is born because that might make it more difficult to get her out and it would probably be easier for her to move without a newborn will i be the a if i go through with it my dad and i have never had the best relationship he's never really been around he has a job high up at some bank so he works super long hours and goes on lots of business trips siblings and i were basically raised only by my mom and i'm really close with her we barely talk and when we do it's about how [ __ ] my grades are in school that i'll never amount to anything if i keep it up i try to avoid being around him as i got older i'm 16 now i started noticing my dad's weird behavior i remember a few months ago he came home super late and i could smell a little perfume on him i didn't really think much of it until he left his phone on the table one day and a text notification popped up saying last night was amazing can't wait to see you again and a bunch of cringy ass images i was pretty shook when i saw that message ngl i told my mom about what i saw and she didn't look surprised at all she got pretty emotional which i felt bad about and told me not to worry and that i should just worry about being a kid and let her take care of the rest so i just let it go cause i didn't want to hurt her more so on to what happened last night we all went to a big dinner at my grandparents house during dinner my cousin was telling everyone that he had gotten a new job at some software company my dad took the opportunity to call me out and say i should follow after my cousin and focus more in school i just ignored him and kept eating my uncle agreed saying how hard it was to get through to young people now holidays and my dad said it's because there was no respect and i never respected him i was so tired of his [ __ ] and without thinking i said back hard to respect you when you openly cheat on mom and don't even try to hide it everyone went silent and my dad looked beyond pissed he asked my mom wtf i was talking about and told her that she had spoiled and ruined me they started arguing and then after a couple minutes of everyone else trying to calm them down my mom told me and my siblings that we were leaving and told my dad not to come home when we got home my phone started blowing up on the group chat i have with my cousins they said i was a massive dick for publicly airing private stuff i also got a few text slash voice emails from my uncles telling me i ruined my parents marriage and that i should stick my nose out of adult [ __ ] i felt pretty guilty about what happened and apologized to my mom she said that she understood my frustration and i probably should have expressed it better privately but what's done is done i've also gotten a few calls from my dad but i've ignored all of them he hasn't come home yet probably staying at one of his mistresses houses [ __ ] i still feel pretty bad about what i did just wanted to get him off my back and was so frustrated with his hypocrisy am i the a i 22 female live in a country that does not allow polygamy but after divorce previously illegitimate children will become legitimate by law i'm an only child in four years i have been brought up single-handedly by my mother my father went to work and i only saw him at the weekends during high school i only saw him a couple of months though he supposedly had a very good job minting tons of money at a big corporate we very rarely saw any of it my mother was given a check every month that could barely make ends meet she didn't have a job as my father convinced her years ago that he would mint the cash while she stays at home to take care of me so she did and lost years of her professional life i gained admission into one of the top colleges of the country think ivy league equivalent i was delighted but the fees would burn a hole into my pocket if i took a student loan my mother forced my father to foot the bills though we rarely saw him at this point he agreed after much resistance my mother soon started getting harassing calls from a woman who she didn't know mom was about to block her but she soon started sending pictures of my father to her she realized that this was my father's mistress and she was a couple of months pregnant my father bought her a house and ditched her when he found out and she now wanted financial support for the illegitimate child my mother found out and kicked my father out of the house now the time had to come to split the belongings for a divorce my family has plenty of inherited property on both my parents sides now the issue is that she doesn't want the child to be legitimate as half of his ancestral property immediately goes to her when he passes away she wants me to force my father to sign everything off to me so that the child gets nothing i told my mother that i want nothing to do with that property as i have no connection to my father and owning that land would only make me miserable now my mother is accusing me of not standing by her and taking what should be rightfully mine i have tried to explain what i feel about it but she believes that i should put monetary security above everything else i told her that she was projecting years of loss and neglect she faced onto me i was just glad that he is taking care of my college tuition now my mother and i are not talking anymore should i apologize or did my heels in i got married last year hooray but a year before that me and my now wife settled on a venue and then started the process of whittling down guests we had a ceremony capacity of 80. i come from quite a large family with few friends she has a small family but lots of friends mostly we share her friend group however this did lead to us making a couple of rules only inviting family members to the day part of the wedding we had both actually seen during our five-year relationship no random cousins or uncles who never enter our lives no one below 16 we came to our own conclusion rightly or wrongly that we would rather have more adults there who are more likely to enjoy the day instead of kids who may not also if we invited all the kids in the family it would be a quarter of our capacity so when we got engaged my grandparents only ones i have left on my side were very happy and immediately told me to invite who we wanted and to sod everyone else do what we want once we made the decision regarding venue the decision around the inviting children followed pretty much after this is where the drama begins i'm the oldest grandchild to their oldest son they had three sons my dad and two uncles my dad and his oldest brother all have kids over 16 youngest brother however has four all under 11. this uncle and dad tend to use my grandparents a lot of extra childcare and support which is fine however it's had lead to this situation where they are regarded as their babies and need extra retention however the choice we made lead to my gps immediately saying they won't come to the wedding if they aren't invited this took all of us my parents included by surprise especially as we heard that the auntie and uncle affected were fine with it however my gp strong armed them into agreeing with their position this lead to my dad having a conversation with the grandparents to try and make them see sense i never got the details all i know is that it ended with my dad leaving the house after telling my grandmother that the word stubborn would be set on her grave and he's usually a very controlled individual two days later my sister 21 at the time dropped by this to say hello she was there chatting normally and my grandma just cuts in and goes so then what do you have to say about it all this took her aback but she defended our position my grandma argued that we were picking on them and always believed we were better than that family she also said she wanted a nice picture of all the grandkids together my sister asked her how she could be choosing between the grandkids doesn't she love us all the same she didn't respond for a few seconds before eventually saying well they are younger they are our babies my sister left in tears i felt terrible and responsible for the fallout my dad talked me out of going around and having it out with them he said leave and we will see if they come around time passes and i'm delivering invites to relatives i was also rushing to meet a friend so it was very much in and out of houses i arrived at their house and only remembered the situation as i walked in i handed them the invite and was immediately told they would not be attending i was stunned into silence i told them the decision weren't personal and all kids were welcome for the evening party they told me it wasn't fair and it should be everyone or they won't come at all i finally crack and shout at them i state i didn't realize my grandparents attendance was conditional they reply with how do you think this makes us feel i blurt out how do you feel my grandparents aren't coming to my [ __ ] wedding they ask me to leave i walk to the door turn around walk back grab the invite say you won't be needing this and leave i haven't seen them since on a plus note the wedding was amazing the additional friends we invited really made it a party atmosphere and i wouldn't change it for the world i've decided it was their loss and it's something they will have to live with mom married to him five years ago generally it's been fine he never got involved in our affairs and always was neutral in whatever issue he always left our mom to deal with us which is what you're supposed to do i guess however he's become a little angry and tense these past six months or so i don't know why but he's never hit us before two nights ago my sister was talking to my mom about going to a camping trip with her friend's family and my mom was saying no sister was insisting and was upset and frustrated that mom was not allowing it and told her that she's unfair and she doesn't want her to have fun he was there too he told my sister to be respectful to her mom and this conversation is over my sister was upset and told him that he's so mean today well he was a little moody earlier that day and made a comment about tv volume earlier as well he suddenly just slapped my sister across the face strong enough to put her to the ground not strong enough to leave bruises i don't think my mom saw this directly she had her back towards them she was putting something in the fridge or something i was seeing this and jumped towards my sister he was approaching her i don't know why but i was angry and shouted at him to stay the [ __ ] away from her i took my sister back to her room upstairs and stayed there with her until she fell asleep we could hear him and mom arguing downstairs yesterday morning he left very early for work before we woke up mom didn't say much we spent the evening in our rooms and didn't come down at all i was thinking he should come and apologize to my sister well mom came late at night and told us both that we need to apologize to him my sister for calling him mean and me for shouting at him i can't believe it i understand that i shouldn't have shouted but it was a reaction to him hitting my little sister what did he expect me to do let him go toward my sister right after hitting her mom said that she expects us to apologize to him in the morning but we didn't come down for breakfast at all mom came up and asked what's up and i told her that i won't apologize until he apologizes to my sister and she told her that she wants an apology from him mom told me that my sister is just rebelling because of me and this is bad for her they're at work now and we'll be back in the afternoon should we just apologize and get it over with i think he is in the wrong way more than we were i called my grandparents on saturday afternoon and told them everything i had taken a few pictures from my sister that night and emma all them those pictures as well they were pissed off and angry at him and my mom for not standing up for us they told me to stay upstairs and don't apologize and they will come over on sunday morning so we did that my mom came to talk to us again on saturday evening insisted that we can go apologize and we can all forget that it happened but we kept refusing until she gave up later that night my mom came back up to talk to me again and wanted me to end this rebellion as she put it saying that it won't lead to anything good and it just makes things worse i told her that i'm just protecting sister she said it's my job not yours i said clearly you're not doing it well enough so i'm gonna have to do it she gave up again so grandparents came over on sunday morning mom and stepfather were home as well we were upstairs and couldn't hear what they were saying but i could hear that my grandparents were very angry i don't know what happened but after a while my mom came up and asked us to come down we went down and stepfather apologized to my sister and said it won't happen again and that he will make it up to us my grandfather told me to let him know as soon as possible if something like this happened again after they left my mom looked very angry at me but didn't say anything [Music] [Music] you

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Id: IGVs1TKgaGI

Length: 17min 48sec (1068 seconds)

Published: Sat Oct 31 2020