All right. We're checking
out the only game where the longer you live, the more
you wish you were dead. It's a 100 Years simulator. As usual.
We begin as all things do, by yeeting into an egg. I'm met with four options. Only you look like Florida man. Congratulations. This poor child is probably like,
"Nooo." Shut up. You're now the main star of the show. Enjoy it.
What's your name? They give me the name of The Lewis. [laughs] I tried to think
of a name that embodies this child's entire future. The only thing I could come up
with was regret. Behold, Regret. You are now on the path to 100 years. Crawl and embrace your future. This gives no context. It's just dad or mom. Since dad's mustache looks like
it doesn't finish anything it starts, dad it is. You better not make me regret this. You're not wearing shoes. You are a proper Florida man.
Why did you just take off your shirt? What is happening? No, I'm not drying. Welcome to year two. We're clearly failure is
absolutely an option. What sort of thing can we do
this time to-to completely distort my future?
Ah, a vase or a toy knight. I'm going to break this vase and then kill my father
with the shards for failing to nurse me. Go, my child. Hell, yes. Yeet. [laughs] Oh my God.
I just killed my parent. Ah, finally, I come
to a crossroads in life. It's lunchtime. I do not look like a five-year-old. I just look like
a discount 13-year-old. Behind me sits June. June loves two things,
goldfish and Ted Bundy. So she's absolutely coming to lunch. Congratulations June serial killers are in apparently. Yay.
I'm on the friendship path. Coming back home to the--
What the holy hell? What happened to this toilet? It's not like it's dirty. It's like someone power
washed it with feces. A sponge is not going to fix this. Apparently, it is. I can literally
hear this sponge crying. The sponge is like,
"Nooo." Congratulations, sponge. You now have the entire
alphabet of hepatitis. You're welcome. Age seven, out camping with the family. What could possibly go wrong? Ah, an Accent fishing poles
and totally random people swimming. Oh, I feel like there's not a lot
of death that can happen here. I have a choice
between joining them or fishing. Maybe I can get them
to enjoy insanity too. Hey, let's see who can drink
the most urine water. What the hell is
that in the distance? What is that?
It's like a death pyramid. What the-- Why is there like
a prehistoric Megalodon in the, wa--? Am I dead? Oh, I'm actually floating
through the digestive tract of the creature. I did not expect
my world to end up here. What are you going to try
and build a fricking raft? What? Build a raft, use feather. One of these is just going
to give the Megalodon a cold. I kind of want to go completely
down its a colon. Let us build a raft.
That's right, everyone. I played Stranded Deep. It's not that hard. Grab some wood, grab some rope. Try not to get tetanus
and you're set. I got bad news, kids. Apparently, the raft can't fit
down the colon. I'm not really sure
how I survived being digested by a gigantic like
Floridian Sharkasaurus, but whatever, nine years old
home alone in my room, surrounded by Halloween decorations. I have a choice
between a banana and a clown. I love how this jack-o-lantern is
just sitting here being like, "Don't disappoint me, child." Oh, I was born to disappoint people My entire group is-- Oh, okay. There's at least someone
who's not a fruit. Come on, everyone.
Let us get diabetes. Nice house, spooky house. I'm kind of torn.
I feel like the spooky house might have something cool, but I feel like the nice house
always has the good serial killers. All right, we'll do the nice house. I'm really hoping
for the serial killers. I'm not going to lie. Come on. Oh, man. She looks normal. Nevermind.
She's-she's a bitc-- [laughs] Oh, now I have a choice between
a spooky house and a scary house. Hell, yes. We're going
to the scary house. Spooky is just like diet
scary after all. Hi The last time we went
to a house that paid their taxes, we were really disappointed. Oh, we just got a ton of candy. I like how trying to lose,
I ended up winning. Learning how to swim. I can't imagine how my father
could screw this up. I don't need to keep training. I'm ready to drown. I wasn't kidding. I'm legitimately drowning. Dad, are you gonna help
a brother out here or what? I'm 12 years old. This is where things can
go horribly wrong. Being a preteen is like the worst. What is this, a communion? World peace or God doesn't exist. Yeetilydeet,
there will be no world peace. Oh, maybe this was a terrible idea. What is happening? Am I about to kill everyone
in my entire family? Oh, that was nothing. It was like one beam. The building still stands.
I'm disappointed. Clearly, my-my child is completely
happy with my choice though. I'm 15 years old. This could go really, really badly. Ah, like any normal young man, I like to sleep in all of my clothing with my converse on, waking up with some graphical
error over here. Go to school or skip school. Come on, man. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's disappointing my parents
and apparently, so are all of my friends. June, you've grown up to be such
a complete disappointment to your parents. Now, let's go into the woods
and try and burn it down. 20 years old.
Holy crap. That's a lot of potential options. If one of these can't get me killed, I'm going to be really sad.
All right, Playing on my cell phone for all
hours of the day, sounds good. Doing the old Tinder swipes. Okay, I've got Michelle. Is that a gorilla? I-I did not
mean to go pass the gorilla. I feel like I wanted the gorilla. Okay, this-- That scares me. I feel almost like a criminal
by picking her. All right Bob scares me too,
but maybe I'll pick him later. Here's Olga. Oh, so I can't go back. So I have no choice.
I have to pick Olga. There's nothing else but default. I am now married to Olga. You know what? Maybe life
with Olga is going to be the best. Let's find out.
Ah, over at the mall with Olga. Olga telling me about all the people
she has put into chokeholds and killed on this day. Oh, we're doing like DDR,
picking out some pants, getting a overpriced Starbucks. Somehow the cup is levitating
on top of her hand. Into the jewelry store
to spend some money. Okay, so you have
the hundred dollar ring and the $20,000 ring. I don't even think I can buy
the $20,000 ring. I don't have $20,000. I'm gonna buy this for her
and I'm going to get RKO-ed,aren't I? Whatever.
Those who cannot risk cannot get RKO-ed. Oh, sh-- It's a hundred dollars. It could have been better
if we didn't spend all our money on these coffees. Did I just get left?
Am I single again? My guy's like, "Yes." Ah, living the bachelor-free life. Age 22, all alone once more. Check my phone. Olga probably tells me to go to hell. Do you want to hang out? [laughs] No, I appreciate that my guy is
incredibly persistent. He will not let this go. I mean, if we're gonna go into this, we might as well do as many
misspellings as we can "Wats up?"
Please talk to me or please respond.
Is it eventually going to get to the point where
my dude's going to be like, "I'm coming to your house
with a gun." "Please respond." "Get lost." [laughs] My guy. Threw--
[chuckles] That was my-- Oh my God. I'm out of money
and you throw your cellphone? Jump or make up? Wait, like jump off the building
or makeup with Olga? I-I-I have to do it. What am I supposed to do?
Not pick this? I am.
And I'm on top of a building, aren't I? All right.
Do the- do the Fortnite dance and then yeet. [laughs] Oh, I'm just up at the top. Actually jump or call her. This game is desperately
like, "Jesus, Gray. Stop." Hell no, I'm not gonna stop. I'm not half-assing this. I wanna know what happens
to the game. Yeetilydeet, I'm
about to meet the street. Don't skip leg day.
Don't skip leg day. Don't skip-- [grunts] [laughs] Okay, okay. I guess I'll call her. Olga, I've got two reasons
why you should stay with me The first is I love
your grapefruit-sized mole and the second is I can survive
a 40 story drop. I can't imagine this not going well This game is still going to get me
to try and kill myself. Isn't it? Hey, we're back together again. I'm 23 and I've been
through a ton of hardship. Somehow, we are still--
Are you serious right now? "Oh, sheet. Oh my god." Did my guy just say, "Oh, shee--"? Cry, find a job. [laughs] This-this game sets you up to die. I'm a hundred percent sure of it. If I cry, I'm in the middle
of the street, I'm going to get hit
by a bus, aren't I? Here we go. That's right.
Sob, sob, softly to yourself and prepare your anus
for the incoming. [laughs] Okay.
I didn't see that coming. I guess I'm finding a job. You gotta pick yourself back up and instead of thinking about sinking into the bottom of the ocean,
you have to go and become a manager. Oh, I'm-I'm just assisting
the manager. I've got your teleporting
cup of cappuccino. Enjoy.
Also, I hope you enjoyed. Wow. [laughs] Punch her.
I've had a job for eight hours, I can already tell I'm done. Boom. Oh, oh, what the hell? Are you serious? Guess I'm cleaning
up the spilt coffee. Here you go, ma'am. I hope you enjoyed
that freaking picture I made you. Are you serious?
This is a thing that's happening. What kind of masochistic
fetishism is going on here with my character?
Here I am, depressed, sad-- Wait, you can go
to the men's washroom or if I watch a video, I can go
to the women's washroom. We both know the reason that you come to this channel is to watch
me pick all the stupid answers, so give me a second. A few seconds later. All right, we're moving. Ra-- What the hell is going
on in this bathroom? [grunts] But for real, though,
why was there just a whole group of bikini girls chilling out
inside the women's bathroom? It looks like my guy has to blow
out the number two engine block. Is he going to do it in the Urinal? I have to know. [laughs] Oh, God.
[laughs] Oh, no. That is not a win,
do not cheer for yourself. Age 29, I'm met
with a crossroads in my life. Do I get the incredible car
or the incredible car. Where did I get this money from? Wait a second, does the manager
lady that I work for that likes to step on my head,
is she paying me like a hundred and fifty grand a year? I don't know, I mean I guess
I have to pick the white car, it matches the shirt that I've had
since I was 12 years old. I legit never thought
I would make it to 30, but somehow here we are. Oh, it's Olga.
Hey, Olga. Remember the day. [laughs] Yeet.
Well done, good, sir. You've finally got some
of your self-respect back. Ah, yes, chilling out in my--
I have no idea where the hell I am.
Is this like my apartment, or what? Also, who's talking to me?
Get over here Oh, it's the angry manager. Are you going to step on me again? Uh, uh, also-- I mean for a hundred
and fifty grand a year, I guess I'm okay with it, but-- "My coffee machine
at home stopped working." Wait a minute, do you want
me to come to your house, and fix your "coffee machine"? "Could you come over later,
and fix it?" Yeah, I know what time it is.
Over at the boss' house. Okay, well, she's got clothes on,
that's good. That's actually more--
I love how there's just a random school bus just chilling out outside. Is that a picture of like her
and her husband over here in the background?
Great. I see you've got
the $14 Amazon special. Why didn't you just buy a new one? One hour later to fix
a coffee machine. Actually, knowing this game, there's also a good chance
that she's going to come up behind me and stab me.
Oh, sadistic manager lady, your coffee machine's fixed. Also, while I was here, I killed your husband. Yup, chilling out
in her underwear. I knew it. Given the relationship
we've had so far, I almost feel like even
this would be something that she would say
in disappointment to me, "Would you mind giving
me a leg massage?" My dude is like, "Do I kill myself?"
Sure thing, boss, or no. We're going in. Remember all those times-- Oh my God, the leg in this polygonal game is
just absolutely cancerous. I love how she's like, "Good, boy. Look at the picture of my husband
on the wall while you do so." I've been at this for three hours? Oh, I'm sorry, I've been
at it for six hours. Yeah, it should be great,
my hands are like iron now At this point, I've been massaging
legs for so long, I don't need to buy
a diamond ring anymore, I can just crush coal
and make diamonds. "Unfortunately, it is completely
inappropriate to massage your boss." [laughs] I knew it, I was waiting
for the other shoe to drop. "You're fired." Yes. I love that my guy is like,
"All right, okay. This is-- This did not go
the way I foresaw. Let me trudge out of the house. We have gone to a deep,
dark place in this game. I-I have- I have lived
a life at this point. I don't even know how old I am it really doesn't matter. I've gone from like millionaire, to like abused millionaire,
to a beggar. I assume I'm going
to go to prison now. "Sir, it is illegal to be homeless." I-I-- Well, I really don't have
any defense, then. You're under arrest." Do you know what else is
under arrest? Your mustache.
Oh, no. Full criminal. I've already committed all the crimes but I'll be walking
away from this one. Now, I'm a homeless dude with--
Look at the barrel on that gun. It looks like a freaking flare gun. Time to go rob bank. Oh, yeah. Walk--
Slow walking like a boss. [tires screeching] Okay, now it's starting to seem
like this was a terrible idea. I just got like 35 stars in GTA. Oh my God, it's an entire
legion of police. What? It's been a good run, but at some point-- I can't let this
guy go through any more hardships. [groans] Okay, okay.
I guess I'll go to prison now. Yeah, that's right, everyone. Just pat yourselves on the back. I'll-I'll find a way out.
I've done so-- What the hell? Who the hell is that? What is that, like my lawyer? My dude's legit thinking--
Yup, I was going to say, he's thinking about taking the car. Bye. They call me Teflon Don, baby. [laughs] I can get out of anything. Oh shi-- Maybe not. No. With a rocket launcher
on the police force. Turn left or floor it. Yeeees. A rocket launcher. Okay, I'm forced to turn left. We're gonna prolong the inevitable by driving into the Hudson. I loved how this game
uses all these cinematic shots. Year 33, sinking to the bottom
of the ocean in a police car. I-I really don't know
how I'm going to survive this. Hit windshield, kick door. Both of these sounds
like a terrible idea, but let's try the most impossible
way first. Yeah, have fun drowning to death. I'm sure this dude is like, How many more different
ways can you kill me?" Yeah, listen, I put all of my points
in sadistic creativity. All right, swimming out of the car. Is there- is there gonna be a shark? I feel like this would be--
Yeah, I called it. I didn't even see that.
I knew that this was coming. Swim faster.
Fight, fight the shark. Yeah. [groans] I feel like the real answer
here is not to just swim faster. Land is very far away
and that is a freaking shark. Never mind, I'm a juggernaut. I'm the fastest swimmer
in the entire universe and for some reason,
the shark likes to swim sideways. What the hell? I found Atlantis. Okay. So 50 years old, do I now get to see like
how my life has ended? I'm here alone. A hermit. I have gained
and have lost everything. What the hell happened?
I'm in the middle of nowhere. I'm gonna survive alone
on this island for the next like 17 years, drinking saltwater. [laughs] I'm king of the island. Okay. So-- What the hell?
What is this? Is that like the one person
that was sad I died? I died at 50 years old
with a net worth of $20. I was a coffee boy. Strength 55 and happiness of 40%. Well, I think I legitimately
got to experience everything wrong
with this planet in one go. Anyway, folks, I hope you enjoyed
this episode of 100 Years life. Till next time.
Stay Foxy and much love.
