I Babysat 50 Exploding Alcoholic Babies in Rimworld

look fellas YouTube hasn't been paying a lot lately so I'm looking for a side hustle babysitters typically aren't compensated very well maybe 15 an hour to babysit a child however you can hack the system by babysitting 50 children at a time I stand to make two plus three times seven hundred fifty dollars an hour the issue is before anyone is going to trust me with all 50 of their children they're going to want to know what my average mortality rate is and so we're going to collect some data on that in this week's challenge because I will be babysitting 50 children in rimworld oh and just for fun each child suffers from a metabolic dependency on alcohol the longer someone with this trait goes without alcohol the more negative effects they accrue typically by day 30 they enter a coma and by day 60 they die Society would classify this as a cruel Act of God but I decided those kids still had it too easy so I installed some mods to speed things up a bit now the children enter a state of severe delirium after three days without alcohol by six days they're fully comatose and by nine days well let's just be thankful I'm not running the cannibalism perk here's where the real challenge comes in I've turned on the setting at characters explode on death this combined with the baby's life-threatening alcoholism turns them into a literal ticking time bomb that can only be diffused with beer if I fail to adequately Supply alcohol to miners I risk causing a chain reaction of exploding babies which could destroy my reputation as a babysitter before we begin I uh I don't know if I'm asking a lot here but I need you all to become very comfortable with the idea of baby mortality because this personally I'm I'm shooting for like a 70 survival rate but before we get into that I'd like to tell you about this video's sponsor Atlas VPN this is a highly trusted data protection company with years of experience and over 6 million users I'll be honest if you've clicked on this video publicly 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that our bones could emulsify at any second but where are the babies well they actually dropped in ahead of us and many of them are laying in a shallow Pond right now but they uh they landed butter side up so it's all good each of the babies is one of the commenters from my last video If you see your name on screen right now congratulations your life is now in danger typically in this situation I would start by a assessing the terrain for a suitable place to create our base but the logistics of transporting 50 babies is just not on our side so I think we'll kind of construct the settlement around the children the reality of the situation is everyone in this Colony will be dead pretty soon if we don't get our hands on some alcohol or at least some good mouthwash given this our first concern is planting some crops we'll need some basic food and hops which we can later refine into beer I have no self-control so I just went ahead and planted about 200 of each with our agricultural investment complete we must now turn our attention to securing the payload there are a lot of dangerous animals in this biome and as much as I'd love to see a cougar blow its own head off by eating a baby I just can't afford to jeopardize my professional reputation like that so how should we go about designing our industrial Nursery good question you see I've tried this challenge once before and let's just say it didn't go well in fact I made one huge mistake I was treating the babies too much like people when really I should have been treating them like highly enriched uranium when you get too much uranium in one place it can initiate a nuclear criticality incident which causes an explosion see Japan in a 1945 for more information on this it's the same thing for these little bastards if I just store them all in one big Warehouse all it takes is one baby going critical and before you know it the entire room is coated in flaming viscera that's why for the design of this new Nursery I'm going to be taking inspiration from a certain famous nuclear reactor by dividing my fissile material into several sub-reactors we can reduce the potential for nuclear Armageddon sure reactor a might go critical but reactors b c and d are far enough away to ensure the safety of their contents over the next couple days our baby containment center started to take form it's surprising just how much you can get done when you work 24 hours a day stopping only to eat and play horseshoes it took us a while to Wrangle the herd of babies into position but after separating them into several protective pods we can finally breathe a sigh of relief the next thing we need to address is the issue of alcohol production we need to acquire at least 50 bottles of beer every nine days we have plenty of hops planted which is a great start but processing them into beer within a reasonable time frame will require two things one a mega Brewery equipped to process and ferment hundreds of bottles of beer at a time and two way more slave labor we gotta you know we gotta really pump these numbers up I'm talking 1840s levels of human rights violations because it's one thing to produce all this hops but without a larger Workforce I don't will be able to harvest and process it within the necessary time frame this is where we must turn to technology if we could create an army of robotic Farm Workers we could increase our beer production substantially and hopefully enough to Stave off The Apocalypse of 50 thermonuclear babies the only way to assemble such an AI Army is through the use of a mechanitter at present we don't have one however this map has an ancient exostrider body which can get us started I had the colonists approach the EXO Strider and it beat the Everly living out of it it eventually erupted in Flames which caused most of my babysitters to suffer an immediate mental breakdown because they have the pyrophobia trait but one colonist possessed the mental fortitude to remain calm and launch his extinguishing foam onto the exostrider this secured our payload of one mechanoid transponder once everyone was done hyperventilating I had them return to the base to decrypt the transponder this allows us to provide our coordinates to a hostile alien death squad which will subsequently drop onto our map and to try to kill us not what you want to hear from your Nursery manager but I need you to trust the process if we can manage to defeat them we'll be able to create our own mechanitor and eventually our own robotic Army we signaled the enemy drop pod and out came once either yeah like the like the Pokemon I had our babysitters utilize their 28-foot horizontal leap to Oat maneuver the Scyther and pick it apart with rifle fire eventually we killed it which caused it to explode in a giant Fireball and light all of our crops on fire this made me realize it's not only are colonists that explode on death everything explodes everything from the small animals running around the map to your own grandmother everything and everyone is a potential suicide bomber a chilling Revelation to say the least regardless after we killed the Scyther we obtained a mechlink and turned star pig into a mechanitter we converted these old ruins into a factory and began the gestation cycle on some robots to help us around the base soon we will be able to entrust the care of our children to a small army of cold uncaring machines you might think our colonists are able to achieve these superhuman Feats because they're genetically gifted and you'd be half right in that assumption however they've also got a lot of problems too not the least of which is a physiological need to consume human blood I don't like the term vampire it makes people think you're some kind of weirdo but the reality of the situation is we're going to need to take some people hostage and firm them for their blood we managed to populate our blood collection Clinic after the first Raider attack when this poor old boy showed up I equipped some guys with maces and had them tenderize him real good he responded by a bleeding and losing Consciousness after locking him up and turning on the hemogen farm setting we now have a supply of blood packs to keep our babysitters operating at superhuman levels we may need to kidnap more people to extend our production but for the time being this will be okay the next logistical nightmare we have to navigate is that for some reason beer isn't recognized as an acceptable food item for babies and as such the children refused to drink it this is kind of a big deal but much like paying child support you can get around it if you know the right loopholes for example if you go to the surgery Tab and scroll past all the gross stuff you'll find a section for administering drugs what some people don't realize is that there's also a section for administering alcohol therefore we can keep our babies alive through the powers of Medical Science by completing 50 life-saving alcohol transplants every week we can keep our babies fed and unexploded the issue is we only have one doctor and that's a pretty hefty workload I'm worried he won't be able to complete all the surgeries in time what we need is Mastery an expert surgeon who could perform a triple lung transplant in a dark room using only Chopsticks we could get there if we had enough time but we don't so we're going to take the easy way out I'm talking about medically induced brain damage you see there's a condition in rimworld called trauma Savant basically if a colonist gets just the right amount of brain damage they can increase their surgery skill by about 50 percent the key is to get in that Goldilocks zone too much brain damage and you've got yourself a new paperweight not enough brain damage and you're just wasting your time now listen I know what you're thinking Reggie isn't it morally questionable to induce brain damage for a personal gain the answer is I don't care but if it makes you feel any better I'll assure you that this procedure will be handled in the most professional and medically sound way possible basically we're going to take that log over there and smash John on the back of the head with it until he doesn't know what year it is anymore actually my personal litmus test to see if our colonist has accumulated enough traumatic brain injuries is to ask him if he feels brain damaged yet and if he replies at all we didn't go far enough I had starpig perform the procedure on Jon and after a few attempts we have successfully created a trauma Savant who will hopefully be able to use his increased manipulation stat to process 50 surgeries per week and just in case that isn't enough I also have a small amount of cocaine that we can feed the doctor to increase his work rate in fact it's been almost eight days now so the babies are all comatose this is both good and bad comatose babies don't cry which means they can't provide a minus 24 mood modifier however it also means they're becoming very chemically unstable and will be exploding soon it's time for Jon to perform his first life-saving treatment he grabbed a cold one and set off to the nursery after about an hour or so the surgery was a complete success the baby is absolutely hammered what a lightweight that was actually pretty easy I thought this would be a more difficult surgery you know what John we probably didn't even need to give you all that brain damage anyway I had Jon perform the surgery on the other 49 babies this consumed almost all of our starter beer and so the timer is ticking again we have about eight more days until total Armageddon fortunately it's harvesting season and we just started hauling in some hops from here I had our colonists process them into wart so we could produce some beer it's going to take a while but all we can do is sit back and hope to God we make this beer before it's too late after all the babies are kind of cute when they're all in one piece like that over the next few days we made several key advancements to our babysitting business we produced a fleet of mechs to clean up the industrial amounts of vomit in our nursery and if we get attacked I can always repurpose them into suicide drones don't you feel safe now children we also researched microelectronics which allowed us to enter a technological Renaissance of sorts no longer do we have to rely on puny solar panels because now we can build an actual nuclear reactor next to our metaphoric nuclear reactor I figure if we're going to have all the risks of acute radiation poisoning we may as well get some of the benefits to 2. all is going well however we are again approaching nine days without alcohol and it's going to be a close call as soon as the beer came out of the fermenters I had John bring out the funnel and perform as many alcohol transfusions as he could he was making great progress but it soon became clear not everyone was going to make it we didn't have enough time to operate on most of the babies in reactor C and it's going to blow we need to move fast if we want to save our most valuable natural resource the beer I had our colonists Brave the reactor to save four beer bottles they managed to get out just in time as the babies went critical and decimated everything inside this was very unfortunate and for the sake of my reputation we are going to pretend reactor C never existed just a b and d no questions asked anyway the upside to this limit testing is that now we know we're going to have enough beer for next time that's one huge obstacle out of our way but I think we need to take this experiment even further first of all while we have the beer production under control these little wine noses still need a steady supply of nutrition and even with the mechs we're having a hard time producing enough food this is where we must turn to our unlikely Subterranean allies the British when they create a hive it slowly produces insect jelly which is extremely nutritious for the babies one colony is pretty good but to feed our remaining toddlers we're going to need to attract even more fortunately I know just the trick you see there's nothing the British love more than ingesting whole garbage bags of toxic waste and we've got plenty of that by creating a toxic waste dump in front of our base we managed to attract several infestations and eventually we had 14 hives producing insect jelly for us all we have to do is sneak in at night and appropriate their colonies entire gross domestic product it's also worth mentioning that this is the only way into or out of the base so depending on what time you come to visit the nursery you're either going to experience safe passage or you'll be tore apart by the razor sharp mandibles of enraged Englishmen there's definitely some fine tuning to do but overall it's working very well starvation is now a distant memory and whenever the babies start to sober up from their Bender I just dispatched the party doctor to administer some of his Miracle medicine and we're all good over the next few weeks I also managed to advance our nursery's military into a very formidable Force we now have flamethrower wielding security guards and a giant Goss rifle caterpillars on every corner this may seem excessive but it's actually all necessary for the next part of our plan obviously reactor C didn't exist but hypothetically if it did we would have lost 12 babies when it exploded it's conceivable that we could just travel to another colony and forcibly adopted their babies to replace our missing babies hypothetically and so that's exactly what we did I mobilized the military and we left to visit our neighbors they didn't really understand the concept of adoption so I had my robots explain it to them by burning their houses down we had to visit five different colonies but eventually we managed to accumulate a dozen replay placement babies for our Nursery fantastic reactor c is now open for business however I can't risk anyone finding out the truth about reactor C and we're going to have to go to Great Lengths to make sure no one realizes that these babies are just body doubles first I had to change their names and try to match up the skin tones as best I could that was easy but the bigger issue is that these kids don't have alcoholism like the rest of our babies there's only one way to fix this it took a lot of time and resources but eventually we managed to develop our own high-tech laboratory and through the wonders of science we were able to genetically alter the replacement babies to turn them into raging alcoholics just like the others these new babies are now one-to-one indistinguishable replicas of The Originals I don't like the gloat but we've really outdone ourselves here we have finally restored our nursery's mortality rate to a pristine zero percent worthy of patronage from even the most prestigious client technically I could probably finish the challenge here but I felt a certain connection to to our little community and I decided to raise the babies into children I taught the many valuable lessons along the way I even introduced them to gun safety by scattering several loaded shotguns and revolvers around the nursery and seeing if they'd take the bait fortunately they all passed this test and by day 100 they had graduated to Childhood now ambulatory and somewhat verbal they are ready to begin their Journey as lifelong alcoholics but first they've got some debts to pay off you see I've invested a lot of Blood Sweat and Tears into raising these kids and the army of Killer Robots requires a lot of electricity to keep it up and running so I think it's only fair to put the kids to work in the power plant I've created 50 manually operated stationary bicycles that the kids will use to power the base in total this generates fifteen thousand watts of power which is five times as much as a literal nuclear reactor some call me a lunatic with a madman's dream but I genuinely believe this is the future of the human race that's all we've got for this week folks so we've raised a gang of alcoholic babies and put them to work in an internment camp big thank you to this month's patrons for making these videos possible and finally thank you for watching [Music] foreign [Music]

Channel: Reggie

Views: 975,124

Keywords: rimworld, rimworld challenge, rimworld babies, rimworld 50 babies, rimworld exploding characters, rimworld exploding babies, rimworld alcohol, rimworld alcoholic, i babysat 50 exploding alcoholic babies in rimworld, reggie

Id: bAwu8LaadRA

Length: 18min 21sec (1101 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 01 2023