Husband Tries To Frame Me For Cheating With Secret Paternity Test Behind My Back & Blames ME For It

married people what is something that you disagreed with your spouse about i 28 female and my husband 32 have a little son together there has never been any doubt that my husband is the father i've never given him any cause for concern that i cheated on him he acknowledges all of this last week he came to me and said that for the last few months he's been plagued his word with this anxiety that our son is not his they don't look identical granted but they definitely share similar features and i see my husband whenever i look at my son i was obviously blindsided by this i had no idea he was having these thoughts i asked him to explain why he thought that he wasn't his and he couldn't really provide any answer other than a gut feeling he asked me if i would be okay if he got a paternity test done so it could ease his mind i initially said absolutely not no way i was very very offended he told me that he could just do it without my permission and i said if he did that i would never forgive him my husband does not have a history of anxiety but he did lose his job back at the start of the global situation so he's been with our son most of the time while i work my full-time job from home i know this hasn't been easy on him i'm not a psychiatrist or anything but maybe he's starting to resent our son or something from just having to be around him constantly after a heated first conversation i spoke with some friends about it and they said he was probably having psychiatric problems due to the stress of not having a job i came back to my husband and said that if he went to therapy and maybe started taking some anti-anxiety meds that i would consider getting the test he was very upset at this and said that once he got the results of the test back he wouldn't be anxious anymore and that i wasn't being fair by making him go through a whole rigmarole again his word just to get peace of mind which was a phrase he used a lot during this he again threatened to just get the test without my permission and i said this would effectively end our relationship i think there's something more serious going on here and i thought that my solution here is as fair as i'm willing to be my friends are divided something i should just take the test and others are saying he's being insane and if i cave to this there's just going to be something else i need some neutral perspective here am i the idiot not the idiot my husband asked me the same thing i was suspicious of this out of the blue i hired a private investigator just to be sure because i thought no way he was cheating but i wanted to be sure he was cheating i hope this isn't the case for you projection it's so obvious i don't know how op can't see it you are not wrong even in the best case scenario where this is all due to anxiety brought on by the global situation don't believe that after the test he'll get better soon it'll be two tests then three because he'll be afraid of false positives this type of anxiety gets worse until it moves on to something else i've had the same obsessive anxiety for years and it didn't get better until after therapy and medication i still struggle stand your ground opie you are the idiot i don't care that i'm going against the grain here you know the baby is yours because it came out of you he doesn't him wanting a test has to do with bringing this belief that the kid is his into knowledge that he is his i don't see anything wrong with him wanting it and for you to call his mental health into question and make him ultimatums is just cruel you are essentially trying to get him to believe that his reasonable back of the mind doubts women lying about paternity is unfortunately not uncommon are symptoms of mental health issues instead of from the fact that he didn't push the baby out of himself stop making it about you he wants to test for himself end of story but hey feel free to not listen to me and throw away what sounds to be a happy marriage because you decided to make ultimatums instead of having some empathy for how he's feeling my wife and i have a young son and have been married for four years our anniversary was a month ago and we found a nice secluded cabin on airbnb and rented it out for a long weekend getaway my wife asked her parents if they would be willing to watch our son and they agreed as long as we dropped him off at their house that worked for us since he was on our way anyway i was raised lutheran and my wife was raised catholic but neither of us currently go to church and have not had our son baptized my mother-in-law knows this and hates it she thinks assange needs to be baptized or he will burn in hell she's that kind of catholic so we go on our trip and when we pick up our son and ask how the weekend went mother-in-law says everything went fine and that she has saved my son's soul from the devil i asked her what she meant and she says she had her son baptized that morning at her church i tried my best to keep my cool so i didn't scream at mother-in-law in front of my son but i pretty much grabbed my son and left on the car ride home i was fuming and told my wife as calmly as i could that this would be the last time her parents have our son unsupervised she tried to downplay what her mum had done but i told her we need to wait until we get home to talk about it because i'm not fighting in front of my kid when we got home and had a chance to talk about it things got heated i told my wife i no longer trust her parents with our son and that if they did something like this behind our backs i can't trust them to respect our wishes as parents in the future i said this was a huge breach of trust and i will forever look at her mom differently she continued to try to defend her mom saying she was only doing what she thought was best for her grandson she even downplayed it by saying that it's just a little water and a few words and we don't go to church anyway so what does it matter i told her under no circumstances will i allow her parents to watch our son by themselves again i said that we can still let them see their grandson but only if we are present i also said that if she doesn't want to see what the big deal is with this situation that maybe we aren't on the same page as parents and maybe we need to see a counsellor she started crying and said that this isn't the kind of decision i get to make on my own and i'm an idiot for trying to tell her what kind of relationship her parents can have with our son i told her that i no longer have any trust or respect for her parents and that i don't know if there's anything they can do to repair that i told her i don't care if that makes me an idiot but what her parents did was unforgivable in my eyes and they put themselves in this position to lose privileges with our son she's been trying to convince me to change my mind for the last month but i'm not budging to me this is a hill i'm willing to die on you are not wrong your wife is downplaying her mother's actions when she should be standing up next to you as half of a united couple your wife is deliberately closing her eyes to what's happening and is putting your marriage in jeopardy by trying to say this breach of trust was no big deal your mother-in-law's actions weren't about her concern for your child's soul it was all about a power play and interfering in your marriage your wife is playing her part well of being the apologetic excuse-making enabling and compliant little girl who doesn't want to make her mommy mad not the idiot that was a huge breach of trust nothing religious should be done unilaterally either by the parents or in this case grandparents i do agree that counselling would be a good avenue for you both to get on the same page also apparently you're an idiot for telling her that her parents can no longer see your son unsupervised but they aren't wrong for the unauthorized baptism what i'm guessing op's wife has the opinion of oh it doesn't mean anything since we aren't religious and it makes my mom feel better so what's the harm going against the grain here apparently but you are the idiot was what your mother-in-law did wrong a huge breach of trust and something to be discussed yes absolutely did it actively hurt your child in any way no i get it's an issue with respecting your choices as parents but you are the idiot because you're now trying to make unilateral decisions about whether your partner's mother can see your child without considering your partner's feelings on the situation and the effect your decree yes decree will have on her and her familial relations she's right you're wrong for trying to force this decision on her on your own this is something you and she need to agree upon and you're telling her it's your way or the highway and guess what if she chooses the highway your son is going to see your mother-in-law unsupervised whether you like it or not i am the breadwinner of the family i've been the breadwinner for my family since i was nearly adult i paid my mom's mortgage until i was 33 and she got her social security and could do it on her own then my now family my husband does work his check goes to household expenses like groceries and fun money we have his her and ours accounts my checks pay all the other bills including the house payment etc i financed all his dreams the toys travel trailer house and a business that failed we have recovered from that one but it was touch and go for a while he loves our house for him it's a sign of prosperity and i get it it's a gorgeous house the house has doubled in value since purchase our housing market shows no sign of slowing down if we sold the house we could take the money move further into the country have enough property for the toys finally have the shop we both want and most importantly no mortgage we could pay cash i would be able to breathe for the first time in 24 years as it stands right now our mortgage takes about half of my income and my job is extremely high stress the knowledge that there would be no mortgage and if something happened no issues as we own everything else outright eta sorry everyone i should have added i've brought this up already and he doesn't want to move because he loves the house says it's his dream house wants to add the shop to the house which i can't afford and he doesn't bring in enough to save quickly he wants me to refinance and take money out to put the shop in the house is 100 in my name and the mortgage is in my name only it's not my dream house i've struggled to decorate the house and we have one thousand square feet too much would i be wrong if i tell him i need to do this and i've supported all his dreams please support this one of mine not really an am i wrong situation here's the thing you can't make up for all the mistakes you've made by selling the house the first mistake seems to be that you've married a child his income is not being added to the support of you two as a couple it's mostly for his fun if i'm reading this right you've allowed yourself to become the needed one by your mother and your husband which is secure but produces all kinds of anxiety exactly what you were complaining about look at all the freedom he has why haven't you demanded he find a better job that puts you two on a more equal level financially why can't he work two jobs rather than have all this time to play if he has a machinist or mechanical skills he could be making a very good living on his own it sounds like your husband has been allowed to enjoy all the fruits of your labor without contributing enough himself no one is wrong here he hasn't actually said no because you haven't spoken to him about any of this do be careful do not frame this as a unilateral i paid for you now you must do as i say situation then you would be wrong even if he makes less money he gets equal say in how his life goes and how your marriage goes this is more of a would i be the idiot since i haven't done anything yet my husband has a best friend named george i like him we've spent a significant amount of time together and he's a genuinely good guy george met ashley about two years ago and they started dating since the very beginning ashley has flirted openly with my husband it started small complimenting on his outfit or doing flirty oh you pats when he said something funny that didn't bother me my husband is attractive cool within the last year has gotten unacceptable to me she regularly messages him on facebook asking him to bring our dog over for a playdate with theirs comments on all his facebook pictures telling him how good he looks and rushes to hug him every time we see them this would be fine but she blatantly ignores me here is where it gets iffy george and ashley got married two weeks ago at their wedding ashley commented to a group of people husband and i included that i better give him some tonight because he looked good later that night husband posted a cute photo we took from the wedding on his facebook two minutes later ashley commented on how good he looked husband has mentioned without me prompting that her comments make him uncomfortable but he isn't going to say anything because george is his best friend would i be the idiot if i said something to her next time she makes a comment like she did at their wedding side note despite what it might seem i'm not insecure in the slightest i trust my husband one thousand percent and i'm in no way worried he will act on her flirting you won't be the idiot but he will come off as the jealous wife the reality is your husband needs to be the first one to put a stop to this he needs to tell her that her comments creep him out edit just a note i went through this my fiance straight up asked the girl why do you always ignore my fiance he did this in public in front of all our friends he wasn't mean just acted really curious and it brought everyone's attention to her inappropriate behavior it embarrassed the heck out of the woman and she has since stopped not just ignoring me but hitting on my fiance you won't be the idiot if ashley were a man doing this to a woman ashley would be considered as a stalker therefore you are not an idiot you and the husband should ask george if george is comfortable with his wife flirting with another man i 32 female just graduated college after quitting the first time while young i busted my butt taking part-time classes when i could between my husband's full-time college and work schedule and raising our two kids as you can imagine i felt this was an amazing milestone in my life and wanted to commemorate it i wanted to buy myself a class ring i mentioned to my husband 36 that i was thinking about it his reaction upset me he started by insinuating that wearing a glass ring made you vain he then told me it was a waste of money and that i'd never wear it anyway since i already have one from high school that i never wear here's the thing though i'm gender fluid and when i graduated high school i wanted to get a guy's class ring with a black stone when it came time to order it the representative that came to the school to do our measurements and take our orders wouldn't let me order the ring i wanted because i was a girl he made me pick out a girl's ring and i didn't like any of them i ended up with a ring i didn't want in half a size too small it was a major disappointment i saw my recent graduation as a chance to make it right i could order the ring online and get exactly what i wanted i explained all of this to my husband but his opinion remained the same he told me not to buy it a few months later as my graduation got closer my email started filling up with offers for caps and gowns pictures frames for my degree etc then i got one for fifty dollars off a class ring if i paid with paypal credit with zero interest for six months it was a good deal so i applied for the paypal credit thinking i'd likely get denied anyway to my surprise i was approved and i took the offer and bought my ring without saying anything to my husband it's the men's band i'd always wanted with a beautiful tiger eye stone when i knew the ring was out for delivery i broke the news to my husband when he found out i paid 650 for it all broke loose he yelled at me for purchasing such an expensive item without talking to him first i argued that i did talk to him but all he'd done was forbid me from buying it which i didn't feel was fair since i was paying for the ring with my own money i explained the deal i got with paypal and that i wouldn't even pay any interest on it as long as i paid it off in time which i fully planned to do he didn't care he was livid and wouldn't speak to me for the rest of the day when the ring arrived i asked if he liked it he replied no and that is all he's ever said about it to this day the ring was paid off a month later in full zero interest and i wear it proudly every day he still won't talk about it am i the idiot edit to add sorry about the confusion i paid for the ring out of my own account my husband and i have a joint account for bills then our own personal accounts for what's left over i've never told him what he can and can't spend his money on as long as our bills are paid and vice versa i paid the ring off myself in two months i only opened the line of credit to get 50 off not the idiot it was your money he has no say what you do with it also your husband needs to chill you're his wife and not his child he can't tell you what to do does he always yell when he doesn't get his way or gets upset i've said it so many times there is nothing wrong with being vain it's only when vanity causes you to act negatively towards others that it becomes a problem not the idiot i read in your replies to another comment that he was both dismissive of your framing your diploma and downright resistant to doing the same for his or getting his own class ring your husband seems to have deeply rooted issues with the proof or flaunting of a large achievement in life or of graduation or degree acquisition whatever his issue is he needs to learn to communicate with you rather than blowing up at you over something you expressed your desire for and paid for by yourself with seemingly disposable income we're both in our early 50s no kids for the record i kind of wanted them but she never did we had one early pregnancy loss in our early 30s and then my wife's career took off and we never tried again for the past two years my wife's periods have been getting pretty irregular she says it's menopause i'm not a woman or a scientist so i don't know but okay she says it's menopause birth control for us has mostly been the rhythm method throughout our marriage and with her periods now random sometimes two weeks sometimes six weeks and our low probability of pregnancy age we are past the point of being really diligent about it well now she hasn't had a period since march and it's september that's right not a single one they stopped completely since our first few weeks of intensive fun in early lockdown she thinks it's menopause finally arrived combined with a lot of work stress she's a big wig hr manager for a major retailer she joked about it when she first noticed she was really late like eight weeks and i offered to go to the drugstore to pick up but she was like no it's just the change for the record there's a family history here her youngest brother was born when her mom was 49 he was not planned the only thing is i think she's starting to show well sort of and i need to be careful here you see my sweetie is no longer the slender gal she used to be she hasn't been for years she is still the most beautiful thing in the world to me but she's somewhat plus-sized these days and pretty sensitive about it too put it this way accusing her of being pregnant if she isn't would be devastating to her she really struggles with her weight and insecurities so back to the question at hand i'd hate to destroy her self-esteem by pointing out just how nicely she fills out her yoga pants these days but i'm also genuinely curious about the weight gain the period's ending and the slim but real chance of being a papara at age 53 forget the weight stuff do not bring it up one bit ask her to test based on the lack of periods just to ease your mind but women generally know and she's probably right nah i would disagree with the last sentence there's a reason there's so many oops babies and late found [Music] pregnancies

Channel: XO

Views: 88,864

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Keywords: reddit, reddit stories, ask reddit, askreddit, reddit girl, reddit woman, reddit real voice, r/aita, r/mil, reddit paternity test, reddit paternity, reddit relationship, reddit relationship advice, reddit aita, reddit marriage, reddit cheating spouse, reddit cheat, reddit paternity secret, reddit husband permmision, relationship advice, reddit family secret, reddit family paternity, paternity test

Id: SAx6DyPSv5Y

Length: 19min 49sec (1189 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 24 2020