how to: STOP BEING A PEOPLE PLEASER!!!

hey guys and welcome back to my channel hope you guys are doing well in this video I really want to help you guys to clean up your life and speaking about clean up your life or what you guys said check this out so guys I want to introduce you to this amazing new vacuum of Robo rock hate 6 this is actually the most lightweight and long-lasting cordless machine on the market equip the owners screen it shows the battery level maintenance alerts and you're able to choose between cleaning modes one of my favorite things is the lock feature which prevents you having to keep your finger on the button for a long amount of time once you lock it it stays on I love that with this vacuum you can clean just about anything and when you go from flooring to carpet it automatically strengthens its power so that can comes of 6 different attachments the carpet brush the motorized mini brush the dusting brush and the crevice tool where you can get into all of those little crevices after cleaning you simply press the button and it releases into your dust bin this vacuum also has a two layer washable filter which you're able to remove easily and wash this vacuum is so lightweight what's so sturdy and if you happen to be as clumsy as I am don't worry it has a drop resistant feature so it will be completely fine all the links will be my description box we've added discounts ok so let's get into the video so before I start let this be known there is a difference between being Hein and being nice unfortunately in a world that we live in nice people get walked all over and the problem with nice people is that they are people pleasers and these people need you or want you to have believe that they are nice I personally don't like the word nice because it doesn't say anything about a person to me it sound like this person is agreeable no matter what to me a nice person does not have their own opinion a nice person just blends right in there nice class and nothing offend anybody the nice person says the right things at the right time the nice person is nice to every single person no matter what and unfortunately on the surface nice people or people pleasers you may think like oh that did us great people but the underlying fear over people please and I'm sure you can relate to this the underlying fear of a people pleaser is a fear of rejection and a discomfort of being disappointing to other people and this may actually come from a few things maybe relating back to your childhood maybe you were scolded for having your own opinion maybe you wasn't able to have an opinion maybe you wasn't able to be honest maybe walking on eggshells is what actually kept you safe in your environment maybe you had a parent that was volatile that was maybe depressed or abusive or someone that you had to look after and you always had to put their needs above your own some of these people please in tactics could be saying yes I'll do that where you actually don't want you you say yes when you mean no and it's like yes it's almost automatic but you'll realize that you're being a people pleaser when you're always feeling resentful after you told somebody yes because ultimately what has happened is when you said yes to someone else you actually said no to yourself but an inner turmoil of a people pleaser is your refusal to actually set boundaries you have a boundary problem what I said in the intro of this video that people pleasers and nice people of the world usually get woken all over because I mean let's face it who wouldn't want to have someone friend a partner who never says no to you who wants to do all the things that you want them to do that want to go wherever you want to go someone that doesn't ever resist your wishes I think that's part of a selfish nature of us we would prefer to have someone that is agreeable we love those kind of people but at what cost and unfortunately what happens with a lot of people pleasers relationships is familiarity starts to breed contempt their respect for you as an individual starts to diminish because you're actually not an individual with your own voice you're just a chameleon blends into wherever you go whatever environment we all no yes people we all have friends or family or significant others that are just yes people like no matter what they may be I but they'll do it anyway and what happens with people that aren't people pleases that have I would say a normal interaction with people what happens at those people is if they're not careful if they're not even kind themselves it will end up taking advantage of you because you're people because you just say yes there's no boundaries you set no boundaries because if you set boundaries you have this fear that people won't like you you have this fear that people will reject you and it is a valid fear but that fear should not be the reason why you don't set any boundaries for your life and what boundaries do is it says this is where I start and this is where I stop and the other purchases bounding this is where I start this is where I stop and this is what I learn in therapy when you set up boundaries don't wash my nails when you set up boundaries you're saying this is what I started it's where I stopped and what people who tend to not respect your boundaries do they move further and further away but what you have to do is keep reinstating your boundaries reinstate your boundaries reinstate your bound because when you reinstate your boundaries you're telling people who you are and you're telling people what they can and cannot do to you boundaries protect us boundaries keep us safe however with people pleasers there are no boundaries people can literally knock on your door at 2:00 a.m. in the morning and actually for whatever they want you have no boundaries and I've used this analogy time and time again if I get into a car and the person who's driving says to me I have some standing through this car you're not allowed to eat in this car you're not allowed to smoke in this car this is what you can and cannot do right so now you as the passenger when you get into that person's car you are very careful about how you move and act right because you know this person has standards right however when you get into a car of someone that doesn't have any standards their car is a total wreck you can tell that they don't respect their car so why should you so you'll get in a car and you'll eat your food you'll smoke whatever you do you'll put your feet on the dashboard and the person won't see nothing so what would a passenger think the passenger will think I can do whatever I want to do hey drop me today drop me to South London drop me today let's go on a road trip let's go over here let's do that this person's going to take advantage you're the person that doesn't have any boundaries and you cannot be afraid to not set your boundaries because you have a fear of losing those people do you really want people in your life that take advantage of you and the truth no matter is when you start saying no when you actually have found Ruiz you're going to lose the people that were happy to manipulate you in the first place you're not losing good people you're losing people that are not good for you and they will get mad because they start to lose their access to you and you will ug notice that people that are taking advantage of you when you actually tell them no watch their reaction people that love that access to you or love you for what you do for them tell them no and see how they react if they start to yell and to shout and to make you feel guilty you know that person was just there what they can get out of you and let's talk quickly about most people who won't say no because they can't stand a discomfort of displeasure from other people people like this are very conscious of other people and how other people feel but they're not very conscious about how they feel they prioritize other people's feelings over their own they're more concerned about how you would react to them telling you no and how you would feel when you tell them yes if that makes sense as a people pleaser they would feel worse to tell somebody no than to actually tell themselves no that's not somebody that is a great person that is somebody that doesn't have any standard I'm not afraid to tell anybody no because I have to consider order facts of course I want to be a good person you want to be great people but not at the expense of our own self and our own suffering literally if I'm busy I'm busy period if I say no I don't even have to explain myself to you okay if I say no respect my word a lot of people don't respect other people anyone I don't respect their word they take everything other people do personally you didn't come to my event I don't allow people to guilt-trip you into doing what they want you to do and so for those people who are uncomfortable with making other people uncomfortable welcome to the real world and the issue is when you actually stand for something you're not going to be the most light I do not care who likes me I'm gonna be 1000% myself okay and that doesn't mean being a jerk or going out of your way to purposely annoy people or to trouble them no but sometimes being who you are is gonna piss people off sometimes having an opinion is going to piss other people off you cannot be hundred percent agreeable all the time that's why I am kind of against this whole PC thing because people aren't actually being real they're not being themselves they're being a version of themselves that is acceptable to the majority I am NOT concerned about being liked okay and prefer to be respected and the only people that are respected in this world are people that stand for something even if people do not like you but some people won't be able to comprehend what I just said because they need people to like them and that's probably because there was a lack of that approval when you were growing up your way to gain someone's love was to agree with them will so give them everything that's not love that's selfishness on their part so how as a people pleaser do you overcome this and I will say it will take some time if you have been a people pleaser all your life is going to take time you're not going to miraculously transform okay and don't worry about who doesn't like you don't worry about who does not approve of you just understand that you're trying to clean up your life and you're trying to take control of your life again because people please are not in control of their lives other people dictate to them what they should and should do your puppy and you're not a human being so how do we gain some boundaries okay number one learn to say no and know that no is a complete sentence and one thing some people struggle with they think saying no is rude it's not rude to set a boundary okay it's not rude to say no it can be however rude if you say in a way that is hmm I can say someone oh sorry I won't be able to come to your child's birthday because I've got this deadline I really need to sort out on the other hand something blocked me can you notice a difference you can be assertive without being rude to be assertively to say this and know is a complete sentence sometimes you don't even have to justify the reason but if you want to add a little bit of sprinkles on there you can give you a reason but you can still express your desire to want to do it and still say no do you understand and on the other hand if you have to call somebody out or if you have to correct them is a way that you can do that without actually ability in a person or making that person feel like a fool it's just the way that you do things the way that you handle things it's just a way that you're sensitive to other people and if you don't feel like you have the courage right now to say no completely start by saying this if somebody asks you to do something start by saying okay let me get back to you don't give them an answer buy yourself some time before you actually respond okay let me get back to you and make sure you get back to them and internode but at least you have some time to actually think about it because a lot of people don't like being put on a spot I don't have even put on a sport I don't know it's feeling like I've got I'll give you an answer right now tell them let me get back to you let me take a minute let me look at my diary buy yourself some time before you respond and number three have some written down goals and not only goals or write down what you actually like to do what you actually enjoy if you like going out to the movies if you like going to the park if you like spending time with family these are your priorities these are gonna be the things that fill your tank so make sure you prioritize this and therefore if something else comes up like partying or going to a barbecue or doing something else that you don't actually want to do because you have this list of things that you genuinely like you can compare the two sometimes we say yes to everything someone else wants us to do because we don't actually have a yes list for ourselves you don't really have goals that we're working towards so we're kind of like floating in the problem with that you look hot in two three years and you think what have I actually achieved with my life and it's also reminds me or something if you're constantly always working on somebody else's vision going to someone else's event report is person yes it's good to help people if you're constantly supporting someone being there for someone constantly there what's happening to your own goals what's happening to your own garden you don't want to look up in three to four years and realize that you actually have nothing to show for your life because you were so busy focusing and working in somebody else's life and now I'm not tell anyone to stop being kind I'm telling you to reevaluate what it means to be nice to you not what it means to be nice for someone else what does be a nice mean to you do not spend your life trying to be likable right I respect people highly I may not like but they stand boldly and they stand firmly on what they believe I'm not gonna like you fine who cares who cares about being liked respect me don't respect the fact that I stand for something okay you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything let us be a people that have our lives in order this whole topic relates to relationships it relates to friendships it relates to families it relates to work if you don't want to be someone that's constantly being taken advantage of you must have some boundaries and some standards full of life so hope you guys enjoyed this video share of anybody that you may feel like this person the people pleaser this person needs together and also don't forget if you want me to be your life coach please sign up to my mailing list bye guys love you guys see you next week [Music]

Channel: Breeny Lee

Views: 263,508

Rating: 4.9794769 out of 5

Keywords: Breeny lee, pepp talk, people pleasers

Id: DjM25G0wSXI

Length: 14min 51sec (891 seconds)

Published: Sun May 17 2020