God, I love your lips, Angelina. Hi. James from engVid. I was just thinking to myself: Well, I know
it's very difficult to practice English because you don't get a lot of practice with English
speakers, but if there were a way I could teach you how to get past "Hello" to make
the conversation grow and perhaps have the other person come back and talk to
you, that would be of great value. So this lesson is about how to get past "Hello"
and make a beautiful conversation flow. All right? I'm going to use Angelina to help me later
on when I do an example, but for now I will tell you more. See? He's like: "Tell me more.
Hmm. I'm interested." And so am I. All right, so let's go
to the board, shall we? I'm going to give you five
conversation openers. You've said: "Hello",
where do you go? Personally I hate this because
I teach and I hear people say: "Hello. My name is James.
I am from Japan, Tokyo." The conversation is
essentially dead. Dunh-dunh-dunh-dunh. Don't know if that's the wedding
theme or the theme from Star Wars. Doesn't matter. You understand. It's killed. Nobody cares. You've said everything that they
need to know and then they're done. So why don't we do something that actually gets
them to open up and want to tell you information? Okay? So the first one we're
going to do is this one. I like this one. It's so easy, it's so true. Look for something that someone is
wearing or has that you actually like. You're not going to steal it,
so don't think about that. But what I mean is you like. You like the t-shirt, you like the jeans, the
ear rings or something, you're like: "Cool", because that will be sincere. "Sincere" means that you really mean it and
the person can feel that from you, so they'll want to share with you because
you're being honest with them. All right? So we look here, number
one, walk up and say... So it's like: "Hello. Love your __________
(jacket, t-shirt). That is so cool." Yeah? "Where did you get them?"
or "Where did you get it?" Notice I didn't say: "Where did you buy it?"
because some of the coolest things someone's going to be wearing won't
be from this country. It might be: "Hey. I was in India
and I picked up these beads. Yeah, it was really cool. I was outside this
ashram and..." And now you've got a conversation
you didn't even know. Or it might be: "Oh, I was downtown in the hippie section,
you know, and it was really cool, there was all this art." You've started a conversation. If you say: -"...buy them?" -"At the gap." Finished. So: "Hey. Where did
you get them?" Let them say "buy".
Don't bring that up. Okay? Follow that up
with right away... As soon as you say: "Where
did you buy them...?" It's true... It might not be true right now,
but it could be true, you say: "Because I really have
to get a cool present", or: "...an interesting gift for my
nephew/my brother/my sister/my friend." Right? Or girlfriend,
whatever, or your wife. By saying that you're saying, well,
one thing, you have other friends. But number two, you're
giving them: "Cool". You're saying whatever they're wearing is
interesting, cool, different enough that it stopped you to talk to them. By example or by extension, that
means added on you're saying: "You're kind of cool, too,
because you're wearing it and I think it's cool, so it's got to be
cool and only a cool person would buy it." Right? This is why it works, you've
given them two compliments. Who doesn't want to
be complimented? First you're saying I'm wearing
something cool, then you're saying: "I need to get something cool, and
clearly what you have is cool." I'm probably going to talk to you and go:
"Well, you know, thanks for saying that. I liked it because..." And conversation started, and now you have
an opportunity to maybe later on talk more, and that's how you
get your practice. Number two, how about this one? "Wow, you are __________ (tall)" or: "You have __________
(really bright eyes)", or something that has to
do with the physical body. The first one was about things.
Physical. Now we want to talk
about physical. And you followed that up
with: "What do you do?" Huh? Example, you see
someone, you go: "Wow, you have amazing skin. What
do you do to make it so clear?" Okay? Hmm. Or: "Wow, you're tall.
What do you do? Do you play sports or
anything like that?" Okay? You follow it up. This is the follow up, as
I said: "What do you do?" But why does this work? Now, notice this is green
and I have green up here. You probably noticed it but didn't
understand why I skipped it. I live in North America and basically I could
say this is true for a lot of Western society. We prefer you give compliments
on positive things. Being tall is a positive
thing in our society. Alex, if you've ever seen him, he's a giant,
but I wouldn't call him a giant because that's not necessarily positive. But saying he's very
tall, he'll be: "Yes, I am. I'm very tall." Saying, like: "You're this
big huge thing", not good. So don't talk about things
that might be negative. If someone is very big in weight, but
not muscle, fat, you can't say that. They won't like it. Even if you think it's
delicious, they won't like it. If you think they're too short,
like: "Wow, are you ever small. You're so small I could..." Not a compliment. Okay? So tall is good, bright eyes,
good skin, lovely teeth, great hair. You know? All these things. Now, this is physical. Because this is a compliment about someone's
style, number one; number two is a compliment about them personally. Now, the reason we don't say
negative is you can't do things... If you've got a negative feature in your life,
like you're not tall or you're fat, you maybe can't do anything about it, so
that's not nice to talk about. But positive stuff-I know, your parents make
you tall, but people don't think of that-it's always good. Or good skin, right? Or nice hair style. Okay? Why it works, because you've
complimented the person which is good. You've said: "Look, physically, there's
something beautiful about you." But you've also, by saying: "What do you do?"
if you talk about their skin, you're saying: "You have a talent" or:
"You have a skill". Or if they're tall, you say: "You've got
to be playing sports or something." So you're actually saying: "You
have actually worked on something." So you're not just saying: "You're
beautiful", you're saying: "You're beautiful and you've
worked on something." That is good. Okay? So let's go over
here, number three. So we got the compliment,
we got, you know... We're suggesting you got
a talent or a skill. Number three: "I'm loving
the cold/the rain/the sun." Duh, James that's the
weather, everybody does that. You're right. Everybody talks
about the weather. I'm asking you to say something different,
especially if you're waiting for a bus or in an elevator. When you say the opposite... Huh? The opposite of
what you would think. It's a bright, sunny summer-okay?-but the
last two days, three days it's been raining. Nobody wants rain in the summer, but you say:
"How you loving the rain? I'm loving it." They're going to go: "Ugh,
I wish it was sunny." You go: "Not me. I'm a gardener. I have a garden, and
I need the rain. My garden is beautiful." They're like: "Gardener?" You're like: "Yeah,
I've got roses..." Conversation started. You've brought in
the unexpected. In the winter, people
don't like the cold. Right? But you go: "Oh, I can't
wait, so much snow." They go: "Snow, it's
so bad to work in." You go: "I ski, man, I love to
ski and I love going downhill. It's amazing for me.
I love skiing." So by suggesting the opposite about
the weather, how good bad weather is. Huh? How good bad weather can be, you will
find that it makes people go: "What?" They're curious, and then
you get to tell them. Now, why it works here is
you're sharing something. When we share with each other,
we open up to each other. You're telling me something
about yourself that isn't: "Hi. My name's James.
I'm from Japan." It's like: "Hi. I ski." Woo, that's cool. But if you just said to me: "Hi.
I ski." I'd go: "Get away
from me, weirdo. Don't talk to me." But by saying something about
the weird, I'm like... The weather, which is just weird, I'm like:
-"Why would you say this is good weather?" -"Well, I'm a skier." -"Oh, you ski." -"Yeah, I love to ski and
this is the perfect weather." Now I've told you I've got a good
personality, I'm positive, and I do things. I've shared information and I
can ask you to do the same. Cool? Well, if that's all you think... If you're like impressed by
this, we've got two more. Are you ready? [Snaps] Well, so we were at three. Let's do four and five. Are you ready? Oh, but before I do I just
want to add a little aside. An aside is a comment that's not directly
related to the topic, but in this case it has something to do with it. There are two parts of conversation,
speaking and listening. I was giving you... Or I am giving you some hints or tips
on how to be better at conversation. But if you're really good at the talking and
not the listening, it will die quickly. So what we really want to do is emphasize:
You're learning English, so you want to learn how to listen. And here's a couple reasons why. You start the conversation, but you should listen
more to get a better understanding of English. Because we may not... Well, we don't. We don't speak like the grammar or the
vocabulary books that are out there. So for you to listen to English speakers,
you start getting on how we're thinking and how you should present the
information to people. Okay? So you'll get a better
understanding of English. So when it's coming in because you're
hearing, you go: "Oh, they don't say that. They say other things, like: 'Whatda
ya'", and there's a video I got on that so check that out. "Whatda ya mean?
Whatda ya say?" Okay? The other thing is to catch the other thing
is to catch the other person's interest and have the other person be able
to have another conversation. If you do all the talking, I'm going to think
I've heard all I need to hear and I don't need to talk to you anymore. You told me everything. But if you're actively listening to me and
asking questions because you're listening that have to do with the information
I'm giving you, I'll probably say: "Hey. This was really cool. Let's have coffee later or
let's meet up another time." Right? And that's what we want to do. So we're here: Have... Okay, have another conversation, ask
questions, listen more than you speak. Listening more than you speak is
a skill most of us don't have. I'm guilty of it. But if you actually get this skill you can
become actually a better conversationalist and learn a lot more. Right? Cool, so I've just given my
little speech for listening. Now let's go back to what you
really came here for, conversation. Right? Number four, you can
walk up and say: "Hmm. Hi. Tell me: How would you finish this phrase?
I want to be the very best..." Now, a friend of mine said: "Okay, dude, that's
really, really corny." "Corny" means not cool. "Nobody's going to do that." I went: "Ah-ha, but
the surprise..." See? Surprise. No one does it, so when you do it you
can say anything after that, like: "Oh, I've got to do an interview
for work", or what have you. You can follow up with that, but the whole
thing is somebody asking you that question is like: "I want your opinion." I didn't write it here... Oh, I did. Good. Surprise, but I
didn't write the second part. By saying: "I want your opinion", I'm saying
you are valuable and I think you would be a person who would give
me good information. So that's going to make you go: "Well,
I want to be the very best at... Yes, let me think about..." Ah, think. If you make a person think,
they think you're intelligent. It's just how it goes. Because if I have the answer and it's
obvious, it was a dumb question. When I don't have it, I
have to think, I'm like: "Oo, that was cool, I'll remember
that for the future myself." Okay? So the element of
surprise is why it works. Nobody would ask it, so when you do you're
the first person and you're original. Surprise. Okay. Now, number five,
this is my favourite. "Hey. Did you hear about the goat and
the chicken that went on the airplane?" What? Think about it. That's just weird for somebody to walk up
and tell you some weird thing from nowhere. After they say: "Hi. Hey.
Hi." Whatever, ho. But it works, because, and this is why
I write it here, it causes arousal. Arousal is when you want to get up and move your
body, you want to do something, you're aroused. It means you're interested,
you feel alive, curious. And this kind of a thing,
that's what it does. Because something's
weird, you're like: "Huh? What?" You might even ask a question... They. Sorry, they may ask
you a question right away. "Chicken and a goat on a
plane flying to Texas? What? What are you talking...?" All of a
sudden they're actually asking: "You talk to me. You tell me." You're like: "Okay,
you asked for it. I'll give you the information." Okay? You know? So, why does it work? Arousal. "Aroused" means you wake
up and you're like: "Hmm. What's going on?" And it keep... Gets the emotion of cur-... It gets emotion and curiosity. Emotion... And I should explain that
one, is this: Emotion... The kinds of emotion you want are things that
help people, get people angry, or excited. Not sad things. Sad things make
people kind of feel: "Ohh", they don't want to do anything
and they don't want to talk to you. Or content, content is something
that just makes you feel okay. Like: "Let's have a beer and relax", and that's
what you do, you relax, you're not excited. But things that get you angry, like:
-"Did you hear about the new tax?" -"Taxes? I hate tax!" Now they want to talk to you about all the
taxes in the world, or that chicken and goat. They're really into that story.
Okay? Now, I've given you five conversation
kind of openers, and it's not just... You know, it's the: "Hello" thing, but it's
to open it up to have a bigger conversation and a longer one. So let's have an example conversation where
we could take one of these things and just utilize it or use it. Okay? How about the one we
talked about, personal...? A personal appearance? Something on their body
or something about them. So we'll start off with: "Wow,
you have great *hair*!" You noticed the little stars. Men, this is for you. Okay. Women don't do this, but I'm looking at you because I
know you're going to, and I'm telling you right now: "Stop. In the name of
love, don't do it." Gentlemen, do not talk about this area on
the woman, the bum-bum area on the woman. Sexual things, no. They don't like it. Okay? In case you're
like: "Yeah!" Yes. Do you remember that
lady you said it to? Do you remember how she
smiled and walked away? That's why we don't do it. Hair is because she's taken time
to fix it, she's put effort in it. Remember I talked about skill? Skin because she takes
care of her skin. Once again, skill and talent. Boom-boom, boom-boom,
she was given those. She will just go: "You're another man who's just a
rude person", so don't go there. But you can talk about skin, you can
talk about hair, you got the drift. Right? If she has nice legs because it's
muscular because she works out, yes. If she has nice arms, you go: "Look
at your arms, they're strong." She says: "Yes, I'm a rower." Right? Or: "I lift weights." You go: "Oh, that's good." But: "Oo, baby, mm", no. Mm-mm. If you don't do it to your mother or your
sister, don't do it to another woman. Okay. Conversation done. Let's go back. Okay, so then you... So we started off. Right? You're like: "Wow,
you have great hair!" Then you talk to the
other person... Oh, sorry. That's you again here. "How do you get it so shiny?" This is the skill part. This is like: "Clearly you do something
with your hair other people don't." It's: "Yes, you have something naturally
beautiful, but also you take care of yourself." And they're like:
"Oh, wow, thank you. I shampoo it, and then I put
some duck grease in my hair." Whatever. Okay? This is the: "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah", they're going to start talking. Please don't fall asleep. You still have to listen, like:
"Yeah, cool. Really cool." And then you do this,
this crazy thing: -"Hi. My name is James.
I'm from Japan." -"James, you told me don't
do this about 10 minutes..." Yeah. But listen: First we had this conversation,
then I said: "I'm James from Japan." Now they're like: "Cool,
you're interesting." And then you go back to: "Hey, so tell me more about
this duck grease thing. Where do you get it?" Or: "Hey, what are your top three things
to do with your hair once you do this? Blah, blah, blah, blah." And then you'll get back to
the: "Blah, blah, blah." And here's a small hint, I say keep the first
conversation short because then you're still interesting and they have more to tell
you so you'll have a reason to go: "That's so cool. Look, I got to go, take my bus, go
on the elevator, my friend's coming, but I'd love to have another coffee because I've got to practice my English
and it would be great if you could practice with me." And they'll probably say yes because you
took the time from all these things. You don't... And please don't use all
five at the same time. "Oh, you're tall. Look at this jacket,
it's really cool. Oh, do you want to hear
about the duck and the...?" Don't. One at a time,
just one per person. Okay? But because you started off in an interesting
way that was different, they're more likely to say: "Sure. That sounds good. I come here regularly" or: "You can
meet me here", or: "I'm doing this". Trust me, it'll work. Be yourself, tell them you're
practicing English, be interesting. I can almost guarantee you they'll say:
"I would love to chat with you again." And don't forget what I said here about
listening is important as the speaking part. Anyway, that's the lesson. You've got five. I gave
you five hints. Right? Or five clues. I know they'll work for you. And I want you to subscribe. Somewhere around here is the "Subscribe" button,
I don't know, but find it and please subscribe. Thank you from E and myself, of course, we
love when you come and click on the channel. And if this lesson has been
valuable to you, share it. We do this for you, and if you have a friend
or someone who's also learning English, share it with them as well so they can
get the same joy that you get. All right? Anyway, have a great day
and we'll see you soon. Thanks.
This guy's legit!