How to Overcome the Pain of Rejection & Meeting Women

hi dr mrs k i'm 27 male and i have been single forever i recently worked through some of my shame that held me back and now i really like myself i feel confident that i deserve love and am capable of giving it however i'm still anxious reaching out and getting to know women in the moment i have no idea what to say or feel scared to introduce myself after the opportunity passes i think of multiple ways i could have started a conversation or flirted and i'll wish i did it and reassure myself that i will have courage next time but this pattern keeps repeating i understand that i have to take a risk but is there a way i can get rid of the panic and fear of embarrassment that arises so i can be ready for the next opportunity i love this question my answer is no there's not a way to get rid of the panic and fear of embarrassment nope really yeah do you have an answer i think so dude this is like okay then to help us out i used to be really scared of coming on stream but i just blew it a couple of times and now i'm fine i think yeah but did you did you get rid of the panic and fear before you came on scene no i just got better at preparing i think that i think you can do yeah so i think there's definitely something that this person could do but i don't think you can get rid of the panic or fear of embarrassment all right so let's let's see i think you have to increase your comfort in your confidence there's a lot of stuff you can do but can you get rid of the fear like there's no cheat code to get rid of fear of embarrassment but if all that there is is fear and embarrassment then that's the only emotion you're feeling but if you're also feeling excitement and confident and all these other things and panic and fear is just one of many things it's not the overwhelming thing that i think causes the paralysis yeah i think there's a lot that you can do but i don't think you can get rid of the panic and fear and i think that's the problem right so i think the problem here is that we think to ourselves oh how can i get rid of this thing and you can't get rid of that thing so you end up stuck where there's a whole lot of other stuff you can do to make yourself like more able to engage with other people so for example you can let go of like like so when you introduce yourself to someone i imagine that you have a lot of expectations over what is coming out of that introduction that's true so i think what you can do is let go of those expectations which doesn't have anything to do with the fear of embarrassment or panic it's just like hey there's a person here so here's like you know one tip that um you know i this doesn't i can give you guys tips but they're not good ones because i tried them for a while and i ended up you know with me or something but the but the whole point is that i didn't use any of my tricks on you like i just was like what were your tricks i'm about to tell you they were ineffective okay so so one is that i realized that like so when i was in college right and i was like 19 year old dr chad i was neither a doctor nor a chad i had this idea and i had this revelation that if i make friends with a girl she can introduce me to her friend so rather than like trying to ask this girl out like if i just make friends with her like she'll introduce me to a bunch of her friends and i can ask like six girls out instead so it increases my access to the pool of women right that's so bad i'm telling you this is shitty strategies so bad i didn't end up with any of them right is that why you wanted to come into my dorm no i'm pretty sure at the point that i was breaking into your all women's dorm i'm pretty sure i understood that we were dating like y'all i figured she's literally a legend because they tell stories of this guy that broke into our dorm anyway so um yeah so it was lunch you were like literally a legend that's where the legend began yeah but you know years before that i come up with all these strategies i was like oh like i'm going to do this thing right and i don't think any of them work but i'll share it anyway i think there's an important principle here that is accurate is so the cool thing that that allowed me to do and this strategy is dumb but the cool thing it allowed me to do is like let go of the expectation that something has to come out of this and i have to get this person to like me right and i think that this is where if you think about like what is the expectation that you have with introducing yourself and and if you have a big expectation that's going to create the fear of embarrassment because you could screw up but it's like why would you introduce yourself to people there are a thousand reasons to introduce yourself to people that have nothing to do with dating or finding a relationship and so just cultivate or pick any of those right so you're 27 and you're single and there's someone that you hang out with and this could be interesting because like don't just look at people that you're attracted to right just like go out and meet people um like like getting to know women like do you have to be attracted to the women woman to to get to know her i was gonna say start hitting on people that you're not super like do some low stakes flirting just learn to like appreciate human beings for what they are and like the love will come right like just like like recognize that they're you know they're they're billion there are seven billion human beings on the planet and each one has something that is like incredibly interesting and fascinating about them that you can engage in relationships with people who like you guys can go watch movies together and go play frisbee together and like do all kinds of stuff i would have never played frisbee with you okay i mean would have we never played frisbee well right why is it because you don't know how to play frisbee or is it something about me i'm confused the physics of frisbees make no sense okay so it has nothing to think no it's it's no yeah it's more about the frisbee though case in court right like so like this is what i'm saying is you know if you guys pay attention she makes i would never play play frisbee with you like that sounds like it's about me it's and if i'm like anxious right i'm going to think like oh my god what's wrong with me that she would never praise me but like this is the thing like human beings like she has all kinds of like it has nothing to do with me it has to suit the frisbee frisbees make no sense so this is where like if you guys are worried that someone is not doing something with you like just think for a second that maybe that has more to do with them than it does with you yeah and think about like if the physics are weird for the things that you're proposing that's the problem with the magic so the physics aren't right that's what it is it's all about the angle i knew you were gonna say that a hundred percent knew you're gonna say that it's because we've talked about it way too much so much well it's all about the physics for me do you think i'll look the labor's points on stream you have no idea all right get wrecked shitties today i am the shitty that was wrecked i'm i'm really excited for buddy though um that i think is don't forget about betty oh this is teaching what yeah you're doing you've got it right wrong okay up top thanks uh so instead of just waiting for a high five you just give people a signal so that they know right i gave you a signal you just didn't see it that's why exactly that's why i'm doing the verbal signal right you see communication teach me about communication i go teach me about making the magic happen oh no anyway what i was gonna say is it sounds like you've been on this thing right you got rid of the shame and now you really like yourself and like you're you're kind of in this progression so what i wanted to tell you is keep going um i think this will get easier for you as long as that there's more emotions than panic and fear like i really think this should be fun and exciting for you so in in so much as you can kind of remember that like meeting somebody should be fun meeting somebody should not be this scary thing i think you'll be okay yeah i just want to say like buddy dude you're a cool dude yeah right like you have something to offer people like each and every one of you like i know it sounds weird but like each and every one of you has something to offer people and so like get to know people just like try to meet them and try to like recognize that every person that you meet could be you know your best friend could be a friend of yours for the next five years could be like a great source for like you know a chicken soup recipe like they could teach you how to make cookies they could do all kinds of stuff like there are a lot of human beings out there and i think like a big part of what i've i mean like i think the reason people think maybe i'm special is because you know every time someone comes on stream like i recognize that there's someone here who like is awesome in some way because we are all awesome in some way i'm not saying it you know because like oh man like we all have a piece of the divine man like sure that's true but if you like think about it statistically like ever there's something cool about every person i think you should just ask women for their chicken soup recipes i think that would be weird that sounds like something i would come up with before i met you like oh like i had this master plan to ask me for the chicken soup recipes and they would become friends of mine because i would signal to them that i'm a cook okay we're gonna go to the next one sounds good

Channel: HealthyGamerGG

Views: 162,104

Keywords: mental health, drk, dr kanojia, healthygamergg, healthy gamer gg, twitch, psychiatrist

Id: KcCquBXTtSk

Length: 10min 5sec (605 seconds)

Published: Fri May 21 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/Tigenzero]

TL;DW - You can't overcome the fear of meeting women prior to meeting them. They say you can "prepare" but I don't recall them diving any deeper into this.

The Mrs. just derailed the conversation every step of the way because of "frizbies". I was looking forward to this video but was disappointed by both the content and the editing.

[u/ebin_trole]

They implied that it is a bad idea to befriend a girl to have access to more girls to ask out. They didn't explain why.

So why is it?

[u/Hekinsieden]

I've just given up completely on relationships and removed any hope of that stuff from my mind. Now I put more focus on my Baking, RPG Maker project, and work (when I can stand it ha!)

https://twitter.com/Hekinsieden/status/1393582312860889098

I'm calling it being "Empty Pilled"