How to Not Flirt | Stand up Comedy by Anand Rathnam

I'm on dating apps anyone over here who's on dating apps don't lie guys I saw some of you before the show I open the app M some of you are5 km away okay don't [ __ ] do this I'm on dating app okay I recently matched with this one girl we've been like flirting for some days it was going good like 3 4 days fifth day I I started the conv like hey dude what are you doing she replied nothing much uh bought something on mintra stuff just came home I like a nice what did you buy that's when she replied uh you know bras and stuff and I immediately went [ __ ] now I have to say something you know I dude you've been flirting with a girl for 3 days you can't reply okay can't reply that you have to come up with something flirty and also not creepy it has to be that fine line you know that salt according to taste now I don't know how much salt she [Music] likes so I am thinking like an come on you got to come with something flirty line I'm thinking of lines nothing good is coming all stupid lines dude one line was I love bras I'm like you can't send this on you can't so I understood clearly you suck at it let's go to Google you know I went dude how to flirt and then one article came 20 ways to be sexy as as a man third point was be good-look I'm like hello you thought I didn't know that so I'm like okay and the thing is I'm researching over there even before I could send a message she sends another reply she goes oops I don't know if I should have said that wink Emoji yeah and I'm like [ __ ] now I don't know which message to react to and also guys truth be told when she told BR and stuff my first thought was creepy okay my first thought was how do I ask for a photograph oh yeah I'm the only creep out here [ __ ] gentleman sitting around me you guys would never do that huh if you like a girl and she told you she bought some bikini what do you reply wish you all the [Applause] best for all your future Enders every guy wants to ask okay can you can agree on that but I agree that you can't ask directly it's a tricky situation you have to play it safe so I didn't want to [ __ ] it up so when she said BR and stuff I thought for 10 minutes and I replied good it's all I could come up with but I still [ __ ] it up you know why because there this quy part I typed and I sent and then I saw I put two extra O's in my good yeah it does sound bad like this only imagine a girl told you I bought some bras and stuff and you were like good it's creepy okay and trust me this Emoji doesn't help it is the creepiest Emoji out there now you look like those uncles in dance bar good so I'm like panicking I like I hope she doesn't like take offense to this I'm like panicking this girl takes step a notch higher she responds well I wish someone would tell me if they look good on me I know I know and that's the problem right when someone sends you a message you don't read it in the tone they meant you read it in the tone you want so even if she said it normally I am reading that message like well I'm imagining she's wearing like a red gown with a slit here lying on the sofa going Anna would you and I'm getting exam like come on dude now you have to ask so I just sent her a message hey dude I can help you with that simple harmless message 10 minutes no reply I got so I got scared dude I got so scared that all my safe lines were ready you know hey just kidding sorry sister like all of them all of them were ready okay and then I'm waiting and then she she sends me those holy words she goes wait sending yeah W dude I got excited man got so excited that after like 1 minute I started switching on the Wi-Fi again and again is it working is it working or not what the [ __ ] is it working or not and then 5 minutes later she sends me a set of four photographs of her wearing the bra over her [ __ ] t-shirt one of the worst gifts I've ever received in my life because I have never never received a nude that's approved by the sensor board [ __ ] U certificate photographs you're sending me [ __ ] trying to make me horny she looked suncar like she was posing also like this I'm like did your mom take these photographs dude I swear to I'm not even getting with the bra on top and the t-shirt underneath she looked like one superhero she did she could go to any crime scene they are like who are you Wonder Bra [Applause] they like do you kill the bad people no I just turn them on and leave I felt so bad dude you know what the saddest part about the story all these four photographs were view only once and I was like you thought I will view this twice the audacity you thought that what if takes advantage I was so mad I wanted to tell her you could have just sent me the link of the bra I would have watched the mintra model I've been happy oh man it's tough being single it is I don't know man there something funny happened to me last week okay I um I got hit on by a gay guy thank you thank you so much for the resounding Applause break all of you guys like I knew it like you know I know I got that you know was a problem with that like whenever I tell this women are generally very supportive they are and I don't like it they are not supportive in a nice way like I told my crush a gay guy it on me she was like go for it try no girls are supportive guys totally not like I told my best friend a gay guy hit on me he was like what did you do there is no smoke without fire what were you wearing I'm like hello Sherlock calm down we were at a pub dude me and my it was a weekend me and my friends went out to this Pub there was lot it was good Pub there were a lot of pretty women in this Pub I wanted to impress this woman So I dressed up but I didn't know like other companies were hiring okay I didn't know so I we got a table we sat down we were drinking this dude shows about on nowhere with a glass of beer in his hand okay and he's drunk so of course he's like you know and he's gay also so he's very flamboyant like he's having fun he's like keeps the beer on the table looks at me and then starts moving the beer in my direction and you know what he moved the beer so slowly that he made it romantic was just making eye contact like m say yes and I'll show you Heaven even I was like dude stop undressing me with your eyes man what is wrong with you slowly slides in his phone number looks at me does the universal symbol and then he leaves and I'm like shocked I don't even know how to react but that's the problem he did it in front of my guy friends and they are [ __ ] dude your guy friends this is their dream just three of them sitting the moment he left I looked back at them these three are like like the moment he went a little far all of them like one guy shouted waiter shots our friend is gay one more is asking me dude how will you tell Mom and Dad and I'm trying to calm the situation I'm like dude I am straight a gay guy hit on me this is pointless can you stop talking about it and I'm trying to convince them look let go of it but I swear to God when I went back home and I thought about this old scenario I would to be honest I kind of liked it I did not in a sexual way not a sexual I'll tell you why I liked it because this is not the first time a gay guy has bought a beer for me this is the first time anybody has bought a beer for [Applause] [Music] me

Channel: Anand

Views: 444,052

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Id: 0xlIMAPa8pE

Length: 9min 29sec (569 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 06 2023