How to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage

nearest grandson 64 years ago your grandmother and I set out on the British journey of our lives at the same time how there was could imagine the road that laid before us with his hills and valleys its pleasures and pains over the years we learned the reality of those words who spoke so solemnly on our wedding day or richer or poorer though mostly poorer for better or worse in sickness and in health and now more than ever I feel the weight of the words till death do us part oh how I miss her but now that same journey is before you and thinking about the joy that awaits you both gives me joy as well with that being said I want you to have a successful marriage I believe the proof is in the reading the answers are in the book so here is a special gift that I want you to have I love you with all my heart let's turn in our Bibles to Matthew chapter 19 and the title of my message today is how to divorce proof your marriage this is a part of our series that we're calling happily even after let's pray together father as we think about our families we ask you to bless them I pray for every married person here today that their marriage would be strengthened Lord in every way I pray for every single person today that they would patiently wait for that right person you have chosen for them and lord help us to shore up our marriages help us to be alert to the fact that there are threats against our marriages so we commit this time a Bible study as we learn more about that we asked all of this in Jesus name Amen heard about a funeral service that was being held for a woman who had died and her husband was there her family was there and the pallbearers were carrying her out and they accidentally bumped against a wall as they carried the casket and they heard a moan from inside the casket so they sent it down they opened it up and the woman was alive she lived ten more years well she died and at her second funeral as the pallbearers were carrying the casket out the husband yelled out what's up for the wall this is not a true story yeah well you don't want your marriage to end up like that now do you you know after a man and woman walked down the aisle and say I do there's a lot more to do and if you think you're done you're finished it's been said if love is a dream then marriage is the alarm clock and on our wedding day we committed ourselves to each other through thick and thin but sometimes as we try to do that we find that our patience is growing thin and I find in my marriage that I've grown a lot more thick and my wife has stayed thin but to see you can neglect cannot neglect the maintenance of your marriage marriage needs work and if you see a strong and vibrant marriage that did not happen by accident that's two people who are working at it and in the same way if you work at your marriage in doing God's Way it can be strong but if you neglect it it's going to begin to weaken and potentially in time if neglected could even fall apart it's not unlike tending a garden if you don't weed it watch over it it could be overrun with weeds and such it's like your own body if you don't stay in shape if you don't try to stay fit if you don't exercise your body can begin to break down so we have to think about what the Word of God says now here's the question are there secrets to a happy marriage comedian Henny Youngman famous for his line take my wife please right remember again had another line he said the secret of a happy marriage remains a secret is that true well I don't think it is I believe that God's Word identifies for us principles a we can apply that will make our marriage as strong marriage as that can last a lifetime but before we get into that let's be aware of one thing there are threat against our marriage and I could talk all day about the cultural threats against marriage as an institution the threat against the family but I want to talk more about our own personal marriages and our own personal families a lot of times it's little things that turn into big things the Song of Solomon chapter 2 verse 15 says it's the little foxes that spoil the vines and so we don't want to let these smaller things escalate so let's identify some of the threats to our marriages today number one I would say selfishness is one of the greatest threats to our marriages selfishness if you were to sum up in one word what breaks most marriages apart today it would be this why because we go into the marriage making it all about us sort of the idea of what can you do for me how can you fulfill me how can you meet my needs now listen there's nothing wrong with wanting fulfillment wanting your needs met but as I've said before marriage is not so much about finding the right person as much as it's about being the right person so I should instead be saying what about them how can i fulfill them attending the problem is we have sort of a fairy tale mentality when it comes to marriage you know sort of like Snow White singing one day my prince will come that was snow-white wasn't it was it fairytale people okay it's sort of the idea you know that that guy's gonna come and he's gonna rescue me and and in you know fulfill all of my dreams that girl's gonna come and satisfy all my desires oh that is a fairy tale and that's not reality and that's why I've called this series happily even after instead of happily ever after because we have to live out our marriages in the real world here's the problem it's selfishness it's us we like to say it's always the fault of our mate but I bet if you're having a marital conflict right now a lot of the problems could be traced right back to you James 4:2 says where do all these appalling Wars and quarrels come from do you think they just happened think again they come about because you want your own way and you fight for it deep inside yourselves that pretty much sums it up we want our own way and by the way we are living in a culture today that is completely self-absorbed it's been said that the most selfish generation who ever lived are the baby boomers right we always call the generation that preceded us the greatest generation and they call our generation I'm thinking of myself not all of us but us and the baby boomer category the most selfish generation and now they say that our children are even more selfish than us and their children are even more selfish than them Millennials the children of the baby boomers are known as the meed generation and now the the Millennials children have a new designation you know what it is the me me generation consider these stats the incidents of narcissistic personality disorder is nearly three times as high for people in their 20s that's for the generation that's now 65 or older 58% more college students scored higher on a narcissism scale in 2009 the 1982 Millennials got so many participation trophies growing up in a recent study showed that 40% said they should be promoted every two years regardless of performance that's interesting you know so our general so maybe it works like this I'm speaking now as a baby boomer maybe my parents did not affirm me as much as I thought I should be affirmed therefore maybe I went overboard in affirming my children and they went overboard in affirming their as they call it helicopter parenting and in our next message I'm going to talk a little bit about the role of the father and the mother but the idea of these participation trophies is you don't win you don't get a trophy for succeeding you get a trophy for existing right you'd go to games of kids today and a lot of times they don't keep score because they don't want anyone to feel bad even in classrooms they won't give our grades as they used to so this is the kind of mentality and this goes back to the so called self-esteem movement that was very prominent in the 70s remember that of course leave it to the state of California to lead the way in this we actually had a self-esteem Task Force I don't even want to know how much of our money was wasted on that but the thinking went like this the problem with people today is they have low self-esteem people need to learn to love themselves more and if they had higher self-esteem crime would go down and our culture would be better well that didn't work out so well because now with the ability to look back in retrospect we discovered that sort of backfired one expert said quote the problem is when people tried to boost self-esteem they boosted narcissism instead all that self-esteem leads people to be disappointed when the world refuses to affirm how great they are and quo so that's the backdrop that's the culture sorry go into marriage and it's all about me and I say things like what about my needs what's in it for me and then when that person no longer satisfies me I say things like I'm no longer happy in this marriage and I need to leave so I can find myself if another person says they want to find themselves I may slap them but that's that sort of selfish mentality that we see today this is reflected by words that are typed into search engines a study found that between 1960 and 2008 individualistic words and phrases increasingly overshadowed communal words and phrases now the most popular words typed into your search engine when you google our words like self standout unique I can do it myself and I come first those words are used more often than communal words like community collectives share United band together and common good those are receding well that's just reflective of the times in which we're living isn't it and what does the Bible tell us about the last days it says in the last days men will be lovers of themselves rather than lovers of God where did this start it goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden the origin of sin in selfishness and a focus on ourselves come as a result of the fall after Eve's fall in the garden you remember that God's judgment came upon her and her husband Adam and the Lord have said a very significant thing to Eve that has often misunderstood but in reality it's an explanation for most marital conflicts today that statement is found in Genesis 3:16 God said to Eve your desire shall be for your husband and he will rule over you now that's been misinterpreted to sort of say husband's rule over wives and wives desire should be you know subservience to the husband and we've already made a case for the role of the husband and the wife so I don't want to get into that right now let me just explain this verse this word desire needs to be understood it's the same word that is used in the next chapter of Genesis when it speaks of Cain when God said to Cain sin is crouching at your door it desires to have you and that word desire means it wants to impel urge or seek control over you so God was saying to Cain sin wants to master you but you must master sin so what is the curse on Eve and on Adam God is saying your desire will be for your husband in other words God is saying you're gonna try to control your husband that's part of the curse and then to the husband he says and you will rule over the wife and the word that is used here for rule is not presented in a positive sense but rather a negative one a new kind of authoritarianism that's not part of God's original plan so to simplify and paraphrase it's as though God is saying here's the curse that will now come upon humanity women will try to control men and men will try to control women get it this is where the battle of the sexes began male chauvinism feminism it all started right here so we cannot look to our culture for tips on how to be godly men in women we need to look to scripture and what does scripture tell us what we're told that men are to love their wives as their own selves Ephesians 5:28 husbands have the love their own wives as their own bodies he that loves his wife loves himself again notice it's already an assumption that men love themselves and by the way women do too we don't need to be taught self-love we don't need greater self esteem we already love ourselves you love yourself and I love myself that's a given that's why God says so husbands love your wife and you already love yourself within husbands are also told to love their wives as Christ loves the church Ephesians 5:25 well what does that even mean well an explanation is given in Philippians two three to five don't be selfish don't live to make a good impression on others think of others is better than yourself don't think only about your own affairs be interested in others too okay so the first threat against our marriage is selfishness and it needs to be replaced by self less nests threat number two would be communication breakdown communication breakdown I mentioned in an earlier message a survey that was done among divorced couples they were asked a question why did your marriage fail 86% said deficient communication her - sorry about a husband and wife that we're driving along taking a cross-country trip they were angry at each other and hadn't spoken a word for hours and they drove by a farm and there were a bunch of animals out there and the husband looked at the animals and then said the first thing goes wife that he had said in ours he said relatives of yours she looked over at the animals and without missing a beat she said yeah in-laws so look in every marriage even a good one there's gonna be conflict and there's gonna be disagreement I've mentioned to you before how if a couple comes in to see me and they've not had an argument I'll tell them to leave and go have one because that's gonna come in time so we need to learn how to disagree agreeably or we need to learn how to fight fair and when I say fight I think you understand I don't mean physically fighting talking about verbal disagreements in such it should never escalate to physical and if it does you have a problem and need to deescalate it immediately but you have to deal with conflicts as they arise don't neglect them and let them build up it's important to listen James 1:19 says let every man be quick to listen slow to speak and slow to wrath proverbs 18:13 says only a full answers a matter before he has heard it so listen if it's important to your mate it should be important to you now you may not think it's important or concerned about you picking up your clothes or she may not think it's important your concern that you have when she moves your tools around and don't put them back in the place originally we're in but look whatever it is you need to learn to listen one another hear them out and it might be an issue over money which it often is on how it's spent it might be an issue the kids and how they're raised and that's often a source of conflict so before you respond hear what they're saying listen to them ask questions understand their position and then respond accordingly you can offer your defense your rebuttal your argument but if it starts escalating and voices are now being raised you need as I said earlier to de-escalate it and if you find yourself getting to a place where you want to throw something or scream something or or a hit you need to walk away don't let it get to that place the scripture reminds us in Ephesians 4:31 get rid of all bitterness rage anger harsh words slander and all kinds of evil behavior instead be kind to each other tender-hearted forgiving one another just as God through Christ is forgiving you listen I know what I'm talking about here because I was raised in an alcoholic abusive home every night there were fights every night and when I say fights I mean physical fights I mean things being thrown the routine was my mom would come home have a few drinks go out to dinner come home later very drunk and whoever she was married to in the moment the fighting would start and then the screaming and then the throwing and then the hitting and one time one of the husbands of my mom hit her so hard she was unconscious on the floor bleeding and had to be taken to the hospital I'll tell you what that's really traumatic stuff for a kid and you just can never go there never fight in front of your kids if you have a disagreement go into a room go away and deal with your disagreement never use your kids as bargaining chips well who do you agree with mom or dead don't ever do that you leave the kids out of it and you work through these issues and then never let the Sun go down on your wrath Ephesians 4:26 s another way to put it is don't go to sleep mad at each other listen fight to resolve not to win if you're fighting to win you 40 lost it's not about winning the argument it's about resolving the conflict threat number three this is a big one adultery this is so significant to me God's top ten thou shalt not commit adultery now every one of us knows someone who has committed this sin and we have seen the devastation it brings can you imagine how different our country would be today if we kept this one single commandment how many families would still be together how many fathers would still be around to raise their children I heard the story about a young creature that was listening to a well-known and seasoned evangelist speak and the Evangelist got up in front of the crowd and said you know I've sent some of the happiest moments of my life in the arms of another man's wife there was a little bit of a gasp like what is this man saying and then he said and that woman was my mother you know everybody laughs okay we got it it's a joke so the young preacher said I love that that's a great line I've got to use it so a couple months later he thought of it on the fly I'm gonna use that line that evangelist used and he said you know what I said some of the happiest days of my life in the arms of another man's wife but he couldn't remember the punchline and then he sheepishly said it for the life me I can't remember who she was not good but unfaithfulness adultery is one of the greatest threats against marriage today listen to these stats forty to fifty percent of all married men have had extramarital affairs nearly 70 percent of married men under 40 expect to have an extra marital relationship giving the increasingly permissive use toward sex today researchers Gilbert Nash and Roger Libby have predicted that between one half and two-thirds of all husbands will have an affair before they reach 40 I wish they could say this is only true of men but are quickly catching up the numbers for women being unfaithful to their husbands is higher than ever in 1953 while one half of married men have been a faithful to their wives only 26 percent of the wives responded in kind but today while only 19 percent of married women knew their husbands cheated on them 41 percent of the women cheated so this is becoming really an issue and God has clearly warned us about this sin of adultery telling us from first Corinthians 6:9 that if you do these things you will not inherit the kingdom of God Solomon warned about going to the house of the prostitute wasn't there a song about that House of the Rising Sun years ago proverbs 724 he says listen to me my sons pay attention to my words don't let your heart strain toward her speaking of the prostitute or the woman or the man that would try to pull you away from your spouse numerous men had been her victims her house is the road to the grave her bedroom is the den of death then Hebrews 13 says fornicators and adulterers God will judge but then Jesus took it to the next level didn't he and the Sermon on the Mount you recall his words he says you've heard that it has been said he shall not commit adultery but I say to you whoever looks at a woman with lust in this eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart now what does this mean well the word that Jesus used here for looks does not just speak of a casual glance in the Greek it can be translated the continuous act of looking not something that's incidental or involuntary but brother intentional and repeated gazing you know like in those old cartoons we grew up watching and the wolf you know his eyes pop out of his the sockets right you know what I'm talking about so the idea is not just like oh okay saw that girl that guy whatever it is but no it's like no I'm gonna look and I'm gonna look with a purpose of lusting I'm gonna drink this all in that's the idea Jesus says if you look at a woman that way you effectively have committed adultery now do some women want to be looked at that way oh absolutely and sometimes if you're walking down the street and an attractive woman is coming towards you may be dressed in such a way that she's hoping you look at her I've done sometimes I just look down at the ground just walk right by you know it's like I'm not even gonna give you the stinking satisfaction cuz I know what you're doing and she knows what she's done now you say how great come on you're blaming the women I mean some guys would lust after a tree I know that's true but certainly you could think as a Christian woman about the way you present yourself you certainly want to certainly wouldn't want to dress in any way that would incite lust in a man know what you and so of course the thing that fuels this fire today of lust is pornography it's everywhere there was a day when if you wanted to see pornography you had to go stand in line in some sleazy movie theater in the bad side of town but now of course with the advent of video and now with the internet pornography wickedness as a mouse click away and it's a huge problem in our culture the worldwide sex industry takes in 57 billion dollars a year billion I said revenues to pornography exceed those of professional baseball basketball and football combined there are 4.2 million porn sites that's 12% of all web sites totally 372 million pornographic pages now what is pornography it is something that's designed to elicit lust in you it comes from a Greek word porneia and this actually used a number of in the New Testament in the New Testament there are 26 references to porneia we're told in first Corinthians 613 our bodies are not made for it at first Corinthians 7:2 we should not seek it out 1st Corinthians 6:18 we should run from it and finally first Corinthians 12 21 if we've given in we should repent of it I put this all here if you're taking notes these are good references to check out for extra credit so listen you got to be practical hey you know obviously you don't want to go looking for it but you know if you're watching television and even a mainstream television now stuff comes up that in another generation would have been called pornography things in the scene things are saying now and in the casual way they talk about pornography and premarital and extramarital sex and how in effect you know someone who's married in the state marry that that's they're considered like silly or foolish and so forth and so if something comes on that TV screen you need to turn it off there is a little red button on your control I think maybe yours is a different color but if you push that red button amazing things will happen that image disappears sometimes as simple as turning the TV off sometimes it's simple as simple as walking out maybe you should put an internet filter to keep porn sites out in your computer maybe you say well I don't have a problem with this yeah but you need to protect your children as well you see this is the crazy world we're living in today well what if you commit adultery is it really all that bad yeah that's really bad really really bad why let me give you a few reasons if you're taking notes you might write these down number one you do incredible damage to yourself you do damage to yourself listen the person is committing the adultery is effectively in a backslidden state because you have to jump through a lot of Hoops to end up in bed with another man or woman besides your wife don't tell me you just fell into bed it doesn't happen easily it's very intentional it's very deliberate and we all know how it starts maybe it starts with flirting maybe it starts with this or that but however it begins you know you have to make conscious decisions and then when a person has an affair and I heat that word affair by the way we're having an affair well how nice something a cruise or something you know but if you're committing adultery rarely is it a one-time event it's multiple times because really what is it about it's not about romance it's not about a relationship it's about sex and so you're doing this act plus you're covering things up and you're hiding it from your mate so effectively you're living deceptively sometimes these things go on for weeks and months and sometimes even years and the way that they're usually discovered is not because one of the people feels guilty and admits it to their mate the reason it's uncovered is because they are caught and then they have to come clean and usually they deny it but here's the problem once you've sort of broken down those walls of protection it's easier to do it the second time than it was to do it the first time and it's easier to do it the third time than it was to do it the second time so the simple solution is don't go there don't go there again coming back to King Solomon talking about the destructive power of adultery he says in Proverbs six a prostitute will bring you to prop poverty sleeping with another man's wife may cost you your very life can a man scoop fire into his lap and not be burned can he walk in hot coals and up blister his feet so as a man who sleeps with another man's wife he who embraces her will not go unpunished but the men who commit to no adultery is an utter fool and destroys his own soul wounds and concen disgrace are as flawed and a shame will never be erased heavy-duty words from Scripture it could destroy your soul your shame will never be erased and finally it could cost you your very life a few moments of guilty pleasure can lead to a lifetime of regret yes you'd do great damage to yourself and no this you're gonna get caught you're gonna get caught I don't care how clever you are it's gonna come out sooner or later Moses said your sin will find you out and he knew a little bit about that remember he killed an Egyptian and buried him in the sand listen if you're gonna bury someone the sands not a good place and that sand shifted and that was discovered and his sin found him out and he warns us our sin will find this out too he said well Greg I'm kind of freaking out right now because I'm actually committing adultery I urge you to repent right now why because not only do you damage yourself but number two you damage your spouse you damage your spouse an amazing one this takes place when a man and a woman come together and they express their love sexually the Bible speaks of the two becoming one and that oneness is violated when you have sexual relations with someone else first Corinthians 6:16 says don't you know if a man joins himself to a prostitute he becomes one body with her but the scriptures say that two are united into one but the person who was joined to the Lord becomes one sphere with him so run away from sexual sin no other sin so clearly affects the body like this one does sexual immorality is a sin against your own body so don't say oh it was a one-night stand and it didn't mean anything it means a lot and you violate the oneness between you and your mate number three you do incredible damage to your children when you commit adultery you damage your children your position I'm speaking to men but to women as well your position as a spiritual leader in influencing the homeless undermined by your own hand their trust in you is shattered as it is with your spouse and it will take years to regain and then you may find your children repeating your sin how can you tell your children to remain sexually pure until they're married if you've been having an affair you've just lost all moral authority and the Bible speaks of the sins of the parents being visited on the children what does that mean some of interpreted that to be saying that there are generational curses that are passed on from one generation to another and I don't believe in that the Bible doesn't teach such a thing I think when the Bible says that the sins of the parents are visited on the children it's simply pointing out that your children will emulate your behavior good or bad and so if you are a godly man or woman hopefully you'll pass out legacy on and if you're an ungodly man or woman that too can be passed on of course we all know that David fell into this sin and where did it start with a lustful look when he was up on his patio checking out a city there was a beautiful woman named Bathsheba ironically taking a bath de Bathsheba put herself in a way where the king would see her knowing where the patio was at the top of the Palace there and she would be within eyeshot it's possible but certainly David was primarily the responsible one here but in fairness Beth she but went along with it she could have resisted so it started with the lustful look it could have ended there he could have repented but instead you know the rest of the story he brought Bathsheba up to his chambers they had sexual relations together and she got pregnant now David should have repented right then and there but what does he do he tries to cover up his sins and get Bathsheba's husband Uriah brought back from the battle hopefully to go in and spend the night with his wife so Uriah will think that the baby is his and not realize that his wife has had a baby they're men but Uriah is such a courageous and committed soldier he won't go and be with his wife so david has Uriah lead a charge against the enemy and he commends the general in charge they have all the other troops fall back Uriah is killed in the heat of battle and now David marries Bathsheba a clever little plan now it looks like Oh woops your husband died I guess that we can get married now when in reality in effect David murdered Uriah and he got away with it for a while and then the Prophet Nathan confronts them busts them because your sin always finds you out kay and David repents and we could say in the story ended their lesson learned no story doesn't end there because Nathan then said the sword will never depart from your house and what that man was David you're gonna reap this in years to come and sure enough as you'd go down the line and David's story you see his own children repeating his sins David's son Amnon raped his half-sister Tamar and then another son of David Absalom murdered M Ninh so sexual immorality and murder carried on in the lives of his own children you damaged your kids you think about that when it comes out and you have to look your kids in the eye and tell them what you did number four you damaged the church you damaged the church we rarely think of this but the Bible says when one member suffers the whole body suffers you know we're all interconnected as believers and when God blesses one of us and uses one of us we all rejoice in the victory and when one falls into sin or scandal were all hurt by that defeat you hurt the church that's why Paul told the believers in Corinth to not accept people that were living immorally into their congregation telling them that these people should not be allowed in until they repent why he says because a little leaven leavens the lump or a little bit of yeast will affect the whole batch of dough so the idea is affects it affects a whole church and then number five you damage your witness and the cause of Christ what kind of testimony is that when their number leavers find out you've been telling them all about Jesus and now here you are you've had an affair as Nathan also said to David because of this you've given the enemies of God a reason to blaspheme so now the non-believers can say oh you're Christians tell me about it what a hypocrite that guy over there he's a Christian he just went out on his wife you know what can you say it's true and lastly you sin against the Lord himself he's sinned against the lord himself this should be the main reason we don't commit this sin as Joseph who was also tempted by the original cougar Potiphar's wife an older woman started hitting on Joseph she was far from subtle she basically just said have sex with me he resisted her advances one day she pulled him down on the bed come on and he ran and I like what Joseph said when he pointed out how can I do this great wickedness and sin against God that should be your main motive you don't want to sin against God well that brings us to Matthew 19 took us a long time to get there didn't it that was just the introduction it's going to be a bumpy ride no seriously we're almost done but Matthew 19 these are the words of Jesus talking about divorce I hope it never comes to this that's why I gave the title how to divorce proof your marriage to this message but there are allocations given in scripture Matthew 19 verse 7 the Pharisees come to Jesus why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce and put her away he said Moses because of the hardness of your hearts permitted you to divorce your wives from the beginning it was not so and I say to you whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery so they're trying to trap Jesus and they're saying why did Moses command divorce Jesus is pointing out he never commanded divorce he permitted divorce and it's because of the hardness of the hearts you see back in this culture women were treated horribly that is why when anyone ever says to you that the Bible represses women they don't know what they're talking about the Bible and the teachings of it liberated women in this culture a woman could be divorced for any reason a husband could dump his wife if she burned his meal if a more attractive woman came along he could divorce her and then they make matters worse he could accuse her of adultery so divorce was allowed why to protect the woman for the most part because she being the innocent party was being hurt by this man so God would allow it it's not his original plan his original plan is for you to stay together but it's allowed when is it allowed when immorality takes place verse 9 if anyone divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another then he commits adultery now that's not to say of adultery is committed that divorce is mandatory or even recommended every effort should be made to restore marriage and examine the steps of led to the sin and apply some preventive measures listen immorality is not only grounds for divorce it's also grounds for forgiveness so we're possible trying to forgive each other but this is an allowance that is given and we just pray it doesn't happen because I'll tell you the divorce is a horrible thing I already mentioned my mom was married and divorced seven times and you know maybe you hear something like that and you think oh man you know there's no hope for me because my mom was divorce what we my you know parents were divorced well God can break that cycle he certainly did for us we've been married 39 years now and it's only because of God's grace and following what the word says so it can happen for all of us secondly the allocation given in Scripture for divorces desertion if the mate deserts the other not serves deserts but deserts 1st Corinthians 7 13 of a Christian woman is a husband who is an unbeliever and he's willing to continue living with her she must not leave him but then he goes on to say but if the husband or wife isn't a Christian insists on leaving let them go in such cases the Christian husband or wife is not required to stay with them for God wants his children to live in peace so the idea is if your spouse walks out in the youth they abandon you and have no interest in reconciliation ultimately you're free of that relationship and your freedom remarry but this is what should be avoided how can we divorce proof our marriages you know every summer we have these crazy wild fires in California and unfortunately as the winds begin to pick up there are people that take advantage of that arsonists who intentionally start fires and many homes are burned and sometimes even life is lost which is the most tragic thing of all but I by him remember a number of years ago looking at the devastation of one of these fires here in Southern California and it's a dramatic photo on the front page of the newspaper it was an entire neighborhood in charred rubble and in the midst of it all was one house now there was a little smoke damage but this house stood intact it had not been burned it escaped unscathed and so of course they interviewed the owner of the home and they said what did you do in this home so it did not burn and he said in the interview and I quote we went beyond what was required and made it even safer what does that mean well that meant that he put in double pane windows extra thick stucco walls sealed eaves concrete tile roof and abundant installation firefighters chose that spot in front of the man's house to make a stand see so here's what you need to do you have to go the extra mile don't just put in the bare minimum go the extra mile because I'm asking you to make a stand I wish I could stop divorce in America today I can't do that obviously I wish they get stopped divorce in California can't do that either I wish they could stop all divorce in this church remembering happening I can't even do that here's what I'm asking you to do make a stand and let's do this one family at a time well we say we are not gonna be a divorced statistic we're not gonna be that tragic story repeating itself again we're gonna be the ones that take the extra precaution so we're gonna be the ones that go the extra mile and do everything we can to strengthen our marriage so ask yourself the question right now are there any flammable materials around your home things that could cause a fire ask yourself as a husband is I am i loving my wife as Christ loves the church ask yourself as a wife am i respecting my husband and submitting to his leadership each of you ask are we denying ourselves and put the needs of our mate above our own again are there any flammable materials laying around our marriage are there any relationships were involved in that could put distance between our mate and ourselves any activity were engaged in that could drive us apart are you and your wife leaving and cleaving listen to this life it goes pry by pretty quickly doesn't it and one of these days before you know it you know those strange old people you're gonna be one of them and you're gonna be sitting on that rocking chair in your retirement home and you're assisted living facility or you're gonna be on that rocker on your front porch or you're gonna be on your deathbed and you look back across your life you're not gonna care that much about how much money you made how many hours you put in at the job I'll tell you what you're gonna care about you're gonna care about God and you're gonna care about your family and if you can look at your spouse if she's still living even if her life was extended 10 years going back to the joke and you know you were faithful to her or you were faithful to him and as you look at your children and then your grandchildren and if God blesses you you live long enough to see your great-grandchildren you're gonna be a happy person because you did it God's Way instead of a person all alone a very dear brother in our church Jim junker went to be with the Lord yesterday how many of you know his son Mike junker and Mike was his continues to serve here he's a pastor of our Orange County campus but Jim and Brenda his wife married 54 years and Jim was one of our Usher's and he was full of energy and he got ill and went to the hospital and I went in saw him and he looked like he wasn't long for this world quite frankly but we prayed and God extended Jim's life a few more months and he was actually improving and we thought he might actually get up and about again and back serving the Lord we really wanted to be but that was not meant to be but he had a large family and all of his kids have been raised in the way of the Lord and he just had his first great grandchild he has a granddaughter Tiffany in there and her husband Gabe just had their first child a little girl named Paisley Grace I believe and and so Jim lived long enough to see the picture of his great grandchild and then went to heaven now that's sad and that's glorious you say how is that glorious glory because he finished well that's why it's glorious and he left a godly legacy and this family will all remember that and we remember that as well that's the goal so let's work toward that goal and pray we all finish well because one day we'll stand before God and we'll be held accountable for what we did with our life that will include honoring our vows that we made through our husbands and our wives and the way we raised our children as Christians and I hope that you have that relationship with God so you know you can stand before him with your sins forgiven and right before him you know you might say well Greg you know this is a nice message but the problem is I've sinned you know I've committed adultery I've had a divorce what about me what about you well God's ready to forgive you remember that woman caught in the very act of adultery she was taken and set before Jesus she stood there with all of her accusers around her and Jesus looked at all these creeps self-righteous Pharisee cynical hypocrites and he said let the first one that is among you without sin throw the first stone they all kind of look around and then Jesus wrote something in the sand now we don't know what he wrote but it was pretty powerful because the Bible says they left from the oldest to the youngest one by one the oldest probably left first because they had more sins to confess I sort of think and I'll ask the Lord about this when they get to heaven but I sort of think what he wrote was the name of one of the men with the sin next to him that he had committed and so he said I have to go home now so all the men left and here was this woman left all alone with Jesus he said woman were your accusers she said Lord I have none he said neither do I accuse you go and sin no more look if you've sinned you know you've sinned repent and accept the forgiveness of God and go and sin no more you

Channel: Pastor Greg Laurie

Views: 36,410

Rating: 4.8565736 out of 5

Keywords: harvest, greg, laurie, marriage, divorce, happily, even, after, how too, divorce-proof, divorce-proof you marriage

Id: rLn3Tb1kqeU

Length: 52min 45sec (3165 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 09 2013