How to Detach From Someone You Can’t Be With

so let's just be honest here there's something very enticing about a person that you can't actually have while we all know what we should be doing sometimes the idea of something unavailable seems really exciting maybe it's the fantasy you want or the element of taboo something that's dangerous but dangerous also in a way that ignites passion people fall for unavailables all the time we see it from tons of women in our community science also shows that it's not also not always the taboo that we find that's the most addictive as an article from the business insider explains sometimes we desire what we can't have because one we're attracted to the social proof right we want what others want because it just feels valuable or two we're addicted to the highs of chasing someone the bread crumbs they leave us the problem is these intense want what you can't have relationships rarely work out why because it's the imagined relationship going on in your head that's very appealing it's it's usually not all what it really is in reality right so we fantasize about the perfection and then we're left disappointed with the flesh and blood and it's that story whether you're chasing a married man or a celebrity or a guy that doesn't want what you want or an emotionally unavailable guy or a best friend who friend zoned you or whatever right so we take the idea of unavailable as a challenge and so we're inclined to chase it and i'll bet deep down you already know that you can't be with this impossible guy there's no way it's going to work out and and a lot of women that i talk to have already accepted it still the desire is there the want is intense and we've all been there but how do you detach and can you detach the answer is yes you absolutely can and that is what we're going to be talking about today my name is matthew coast and welcome to commitment connection here are five ways to detach from a man that you can't be with number one is you play your own therapist and determine the reason for the attraction it's obviously not just compatibility because there's other fish in the sea right so what is it about this guy that actually tempts you why is the timing of this relationship important uh you know what was the precise moment when you realized that you had feelings for him like what are you getting out of being with this guy how does he make you feel significant excited centered connected and more importantly how can you replace this this experience with something else if you just try to detach it usually doesn't end up working out and so you need to replace whatever you're getting with something else you can get your needs met through other means if you figure out which needs are being met by him all right so if you're here with us right now make sure you say hi in the chat and let us know where in the world you're watching this from it's cool to see so many women from all over the world watching these live streams with us so number two is objectively analyze the situation understand why your feelings developed is a very important step to detaching right so try taking an honest look at who he is and why he's not actually the fantasy man that you've built him up to be often times in these unavailable crushes people create like an idealized version of the real man that they want to fall in love with so they love the fantasy the idea but later they end up finding out that the real guys not anything like the fantasy was and this can quickly cure somebody of all romantic notions that they've had and you may have experienced this with guys before where they're like really hot at the beginning because they have this kind of idea about who you are that isn't actually you and then all of a sudden they disappear at some point because they realize that they're of who you were in their mind isn't actually who you are but you don't have to wait until the the doomed the relationship is doomed in order to realize what's going on you can start looking now look at him objectively look over his life and hear what other people have to say about him you know is he really the man that you think he is beyond the physical intimacy what actually do you guys have in common alright so number three is release all of that pent-up frustration by letting out your emotions so go ahead and confess your love not to him but confess your love your grievance your rage everything write a letter record it sing about it whatever you need to do the solution here is not to tell him because you already know what he's gonna say the same thing that he always says if if you're even actually connected to this guy in real life because sometimes people will get connected to somebody and they're not even in communication with them it's it's happened with women with me before where they'll contact me and i'll have like an inbox full of messages from them and i i'm not even responding to them and it's like we have a whole relationship in my in my inbox right and and it's not even with me it's just them talking kind of to themselves so you're going to write this letter and then just rip up that letter or lock it away somewhere so it won't ever be found but you still may need to say it or hear it for yourself so uh if you're if you need to do that you can always do that some people like to do kind of rituals with these kinds of things where they'll like light a fire and then burn it or or whatever right and let go let go of it whatever you need to do to just let go is is the important thing to do here so if you get what i'm talking about right now say i get it in the chat if you don't get what i'm talking about go ahead and ask some questions about it or you can ask questions about your situation i'm going to be getting to the question and the questions whatever questions you have here in a minute and i'll be answering all of them about whatever you want to talk about so all right number four is detach slow slowly not cold turkey so one day at a time try to focus on other things so trying too hard to forget him all at once usually makes it really really difficult and a lot of people have a hard time doing that some people it works right so you have to figure out what works for you you have to have a pretty strong kind of willpower in order to do this though if you want to do a cold turkey instead just live one day at a time and gradually wean yourself off of his presence even if it's like really little steps at a time so stop checking messages every day stop writing him on weekends progressively interact with him fewer times as days and weeks go on and like we talked about earlier replace your interactions with him by getting your needs met somewhere else so what are these needs that that you need to replace right is it is it feeling like you're special and important and significant is it some kind of excitement that you're having is it is it this connection this feeling of love right it's feeling like you're connected to somebody like what what is the is it is it like the feeling of comfort like you have something figured out and you you've got this thing right figure out what those things are and start replacing them one by one whatever they are for you with this guy so over times over time your feeling will start to stall and his lack of attention together with your distraction will soon end up curing you of kind of this connection that you have with them right so maybe you won't end up completely forgetting about him but you'll eventually realize that you both have very different lives and that you've kind of created a separate identity from him which is something we're going to be talking about here in just a second so what works in theory won't work in the real world right it's time to get busy living your own life and so we're moving on to number five which is reboot your own life look beyond him so it's time to look for a new beginning after the fact after this guy whether he's a crush or an ex or or whatever it is that he is right focus on what you want to be and what you want to do with your life focus on building an identity in a life outside of him so researchers have found that when you're with someone your identity starts to mold together and you start to feel like you're one person and then what happens in a breakup is it feels like you've actually lost a piece of yourself and so the one of the fastest ways to get over somebody is to start doing things that strengthen your identity that strengthen who you are as a person and who you feel you are so you start focusing on building it so when you're with them right you're focusing on building a life together and you dream of what things could be like together and so instead what you want to do is start focusing on building your life separately from him and start dreaming of yourself independent of him and in a better relationship or by yourself or whatever right this will help you take back your identity as an individual and start feeling the separation that exists already exists between the two of you and if you set your mind and heart to it you can do absolutely anything yeah even a relationship you crave but it's it's impossible to great you can you can break free of that right in the end you'll end up being proud of yourself for resisting a disastrous idea for sparing yourself the grief of a bad decision that that you are just getting deeper and deeper and deeper into and and you deserve better and you will find it you are worth more than staying with someone who isn't going to take care of you and your needs not to say that they're a bad person or anything but you deserve something more you deserve more than being an option you deserve more than getting breadcrumbs you deserve more than just being uh not not getting your needs taken care of and taking care of somebody else's needs so remember that absolutely if you have any questions right now ask them in the chat also if you're interested in in healing and getting over somebody i have a program it's called the breakup remedy you can check it out at commitmentconnection.com forward slash breakup you can go get the program there it's a great program lots of women have used it and they feel a lot better about themselves and their lives and everything that's going on with them from using the program so let's see what kind of questions and comments we have here in the chat lots of hellos hello hello hello hello interesting topic says connie well thank you i hope it's interesting hopefully it's useful it's very valuable that's what i want what i want is to bring you guys as much value as i possibly can with these videos and so hopefully that that's happening here so let me know let me know if you find this video valuable if you do give it a thumbs up if you're just watching this make sure to subscribe to the channel and click on the bell notification so you get notified when i am going live all right so robin reed says you have a soulmate and no other information okay let's see what questions do you guys have cj says i totally needed this always spot on and always on time thanks matt you're welcome i hope i hope that's i hope it's really valuable omnis almost says i pull myself back i stopped contacting them absolutely says if you have a long distance situation and see but nothing has been spoken about okay so if you have a long distance situation in c but nothing has been spoken about what are we or what we want in the future and he is giving mixed signals what should one do in this kind of a situation what you should do is you should be following my program the forever woman that is ultimately what you should be doing specifically what you should be doing is you should be asking questions from the very beginning about different things right you're in a long-distance relationship so there's if you're not actually seeing each other i don't i don't know much about your situation you've you've but if you're in a long-distance situation and you haven't seen each other before if you haven't actually met each other before then what you should assume is that you guys are not exclusive that you guys are seeing other people you can assume that that person is seeing other people and you want to make sure that you ask questions about what this person is looking for you want to uh make sure that you're meeting up in person and you actually get to know this person in real life and make sure that they are a real person that they're not a scammer that they have good intentions that you guys actually get along in real life right because one of the things that happens with long distance relationships is they will be long distance right you meet long distance or online or whatever and you're talking for a long time and then you meet up with each other and you're like this person isn't anything like what i saw in the picture they aren't anything like what they kind of projected themselves to be and so what you want to make sure that you're doing is connecting with each other in real life and making sure that this person is a person that you actually want to be with and then the next thing that you want to do is make sure that you're not investing in him any more than what he is investing in you because what ends up happening a lot of times with women is they will guys like talking to them and they get really interested and then they start getting emotionally invested and the more emotionally invested they get the more connected and more attached they end up feeling to this guy and then the guy's not even sure if he wants to be with this woman and this woman's already committed she's already thinking about what kind of babies they're gonna have together and where their wedding's gonna be and where they're going on their honeymoon right and this guy's like i'm not even sure if i want to be with her and so what you want to do is make sure that you're creating abundance for yourself right you're coming from a space of abundance and not a space of scarcity so a space of abundance of men right abundance of options abundance of connection so being connected to a lot of things so you're not coming from a place of feeling like you need to get all of your connection and all of your all of your needs met through this guy who's not even actually committed to you yet so my suggestion is you go and get my program because i talk about everything that you need to do in the program how to make sure you protect yourself how to make sure that you get into a situation where you're loved and seen and cherished by a man how to grow love with him how to connect with him in a way that creates a powerful deep emotional connection that turns into love so you want to go get that it's at the foreverwomanformula.com so go check that out okay so star garcia says how can i move on mentally i know i deserve better and i'm done but why am i just always getting sad about things he's done to me you're getting sad about things that he's done to me because you're focusing on the things that he's done to you and you're focusing on the things that you don't have and the guy right so you have to shift your focus you have to change what you're focusing on you need to start focusing on the things that you want in your life and not just you know turn your mental mentally focused on them but also feel them right think about the things that you want start the the you want to start making progress towards it you want to shift your focus and then start making progress towards what you actually want right so like we talked about in in the video earlier what you want to do is re-establish your identity and build your sense of identity back up into a separate person and then shift your focus onto what it is that you want the kind of relationship that you want the meeting other men building abundance of connection and options and creating a life that you absolutely love because then it'll be like do i want to go back to this guy that made me feel bad no i want to go to this life that i absolutely want and you'll be driven towards it you'll meet moving towards it and that guy will become um he'll disappear in the background it'll flood it'll flood away right it'll flood into the sea of stuff that you don't care about anymore ryan says i once fell deeply in love believe it or not it was over 20 years ago why can't i let go and move on well ryan what you got to do is like what we talked about do all the things that we've been talking about here reshift your focus right build a new connection build uh you know figure out what it was about that falling in love that you really really enjoyed right what what what made you feel alive about it what what made it such a significant thing right you might never forget about it and you don't necessarily need to forget about it you just need to replace it with something that's as good or better than what it was and it's not impossible to do right it's challenging in this world right now we live in the world of the hookup culture so a lot of people are looking for superficial connections and all that kind of stuff but a lot of people are still are are moving away from that a lot of people specifically right now are starting to move away from that because they crave real connection they crave being with somebody great and you can find somebody great all you have to do is make sure that you're meeting new people and connecting with new people and making sure that you're getting your needs met in other ways lots of i understands francine says i started dating someone who lives two hours away he video chats every day but only when he is on a walk or driving he doesn't sit down and talk to me as a priority francine [Music] bh says question keep pulling away and come back saying thinking about us without sharing what this is how do i deal with this well you decide what you want right it my guess is that you're asking about this because you don't want to be in a situation where a guy pulls away and then comes back and says he's thinking about you know you guys but he's not telling you what he's thinking about or any of that kind of stuff right it sounds like what's happening is you're you're getting breadcrumbs and you're you're getting in this situation where you're not getting your needs met and and it feels like he's he's kind of all over the place and and what you need to do is one you have to figure out what kind of a situation you're in since i don't know how long you guys have been seeing each other or any of that kind of stuff it kind of depends right so if you guys are in a committed relationship it's a little bit different than if you're just kind of initially seeing somebody if you're initially seeing somebody you have to decide whether this is something that you want to deal with or not and if it is something that you want to deal with then what you need to do is one start mirroring right that's what you need to do when he pulls away as you pull away and two you need to decide whether this is something that you want to deal with or not and if it's not something that you want to deal with then what you need to tell him is you need to set some boundaries and tell him what it is that you want and what you're not willing to deal with anymore and if he's not willing to start making sure that he meets your needs and connecting with you then you need to decide whether you actually want to be with this guy or not right so if this is a committed relationship that you're in then what you need to do is have a real conversation about what's going on with him so if you guys have been seeing each other for a long time you're committed you're with each other you know that you're with each other then you need to sit him down and talk to him about what's going on with him and find out what's going on because if he's committed to you and he's not you know you're not just casually dating each other and he's running off seeing other people and stuff then you need to find out what's going on with them right is it stress is it you know there could be a whole bunch of different reasons right i did a video recently about different reasons why men pull away and you need to find out what's going on with him so that you can kind of get on the same kind of same playing field and you know how what's going on with each other and you can start learning how to communicate with each other and you can talk to him about how you want to be communicated with in a way that makes sense and works for you that's what you need to be doing all right let's see let's see let's see lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of comments alright so star garcia says so true and for some reason i feel bad for leaving and doing what's right for me everything i was having to ask for should have been done naturally and it wasn't too much yeah and it's one of those things you also have to remember star that a lot of people don't know how to be in relationships and so you can't ever just assume that things just should be a certain way because if you assume that things should be away and they just happen naturally what you're gonna run into is that people have different backgrounds right so i came from a background where my parents were a mess right they have no they had no idea how to communicate with each other they were fighting yelling at each other my mom was living in a a separate room right like my dad was like hammering on the on the floor in the middle of the night to wake her up my dad was like pulling my brother up by his hair you know from the basement and stuff you know i mean we had an incredibly dysfunctional family and if you think that i'm gonna show up into a relationship when i become an adult after this and suddenly know how to be in a relationship you're wrong right i i when i became an adult i had no idea how to be in a relationship and so i had to learn i had to learn everything right and it wasn't even until i started getting into the women's dating industry in industry the women's dating and relationship side when i started learning so much more about what relationships really should be like because i i just heard it from the guy's side for a while and you're like oh well women should be doing this right and then you jump on the women's side and women are like oh men should be doing this and you're like wait a second those things don't exactly line up and the reality is is that we all have different ideas about how relationships should look and we have different imprints from our parents from previous relationships from past hurts right so if if you get into a relationship with somebody if a guy got into a relationship with a woman and she treated him like garbage which happens all the time right she's cheating on him and getting drunk and flirting with other guys in front of him you know it's one of those things that you have to realize that next time he gets into a relationship he's going to be freaked out right and so there's a lot of different variables here where you think things should just happen naturally but really you need to have uh like talk about the things that you want and you need to share with him how you'd like the relationship to look and the things that make you feel loved and the things that make you feel attracted to him because he probably doesn't know these things right and if he's been in the men's dating side or or he's been on dates with women in the past a lot of the things that you think that you want and that you think men should be doing a lot of them have done and it's actually backfired in their face right like the whole getting women flowers things right there there's tons of men and if you're if you're in the dating industry at all and you in the men's side you you know that one of the number one pieces of advice that men are told is to not buy women flowers don't buy them drinks don't you know do you overly do a whole bunch of things for them because women tend to take it for granted right and that's not true if a woman is attracted to you but most guys when they're in a dating situation they meet a woman and she's not attracted to him yet and so he does all these things right and it's different when he's dating than when he's in a relationship but guys tend to look at dating advice and not at relationship advice and so a lot of times they'll take the ideas from dating and try to use those in a relationship but a relationship's a totally different thing than a dating situation and things that don't work in dating often times are exactly what you need to do in a relationship and so you have to realize that a lot of guys are confused out there there's a lot of guys that have no idea what they should be doing or what you think they naturally would be doing and so you have to communicate what you want and what works with you and how what makes you feel loved and what makes you feel desired and what makes you feel attracted and you're far more likely to get what you want if you communicate what you want if you don't communicate what you want just expect that he's not going to do what you want him to do unless he happened to have the same upbringing as you and just kind of figured it out somehow right which is really uncommon these days really uncommon all right let's see what else do we have anonymous facebook user says the forever woman has helped me get out of this it was like an addiction well i'm glad the forever woman helped you get out of it but you can also get out of it using the uh break up the breakup remedy at commitmentconnection.com forward slash breakup but if if you want to use the forever woman the forever woman is is my flagship program for those of you who don't know about it you can get it for free go to the foreverwomanformula.com watch the video there you can get the program for free it gives you the most important things that you can possibly know about dating in this day and age to make sure that you're valued and loved and seen by a great quality man you end up in the great relationship that you want to be in jenny says janie says i've detached and am working on myself he won't leave me alone yeah i mean what you might want to do is just block them and all that kind of stuff i mean you know it's one of those things sometimes people won't right they they're getting their needs met from you right a lot of times it's the same with the other way right there they're getting all their needs met from you and yet they're not willing to step up to the plate and create the relationship that that you want to have or they're afraid of facing their fears and pain from the past and looking into that and healing and so what they do is they just string you along and you need to make sure that you're getting your needs met first you make sure you're getting your needs met you need to make sure that you're protecting yourself and you need to make sure that you're valuing yourself because you're worth more than being breadcrumbed in a in a toxic relationship or a casual friend with benefits situation when you want something more and so don't settle for something less than what you know in your heart you deserve that's my suggestion jade says everything you are saying i fully interest i'm glad you understand that jade cece says it is very valuable and literally right now i'm going to break up he flew out thursday all right shelby says incredibly valuable well i'm glad you're finding this valuable shelby that is my whole thing galaxy samsung says how to get over a cheater do the same things that we've been talking about right like if you're trying to get over somebody what you need to do is rebuild your sense of identity and who you are as a human being if you have any questions about that specifically ask them janie says how do i encourage him to move on and accept i've moved on well what he does is really none of your business right like i said you can block him you can just my suggestion is that you ignore him completely stop talking to him stonewall him put up a big wall around him and go i'm not connecting with him i'm not feeding into his nonsense i'm not re responding to him it might end up taking months but eventually he'll end up giving up ideally if you don't continue to connect with him right if you continue to connect with him you're only feeding into the problem that you have irene says he didn't want to facetime or phone call because he says that he don't prefer that and feels distant what should i do is this a long distance relationship irene have you met this person depends on your situation here amy says i've sent four emails and messages through facebook about a program i purchased and never received no response sure amy what you need to do is you need to contact support at commitmentconnection.com so stop uh you know if you haven't i you know what i'll i'll check on you because you said you sent out four emails i'll check on you um one of the things that you want to do is check your junk your spam email usually what ends up happening is women will send us an email and our support will respond back but sometimes it ends up in your junk mail and so you want to check your junk mail to make sure that you've received the response because uh our support is she always contacts people back so it's if if you haven't seen it there uh check in your junk mail i'll check on you later and make sure that uh you're getting taken care of and if you're not i will i will make sure to uh get in contact with you and send you the information you need um we were also putting together a chat right now a support a 24 hour a day support chat because for some reason some of the emails don't end up making it back to people and it's ridiculous so we're we're gonna we're gonna work on that and uh hopefully we'll get you taken care of here amy and um i'm so i'm sorry that happened to you and we will make sure that we get this taken care of so all right catherine says how do you deal with it if you work together uh you know it's it's it can be difficult it can be difficult if you work together but really all you have to do all you have to make sure that you do is is just have as little contact as possible i know it can feel excruciatingly painful for a while if you work together and you're always seeing him and you're just like oh my god this is driving me crazy right but just do all the things that we talked about and just have as little contact with him as you possibly can janice says it is very valuable and informative awesome so i like to hear felicia says my soon-to-be ex-husband has already monkey branched into a fast-moving live-in relationship i'm not handling it well at all that's sorry to hear that felicia nadia says your eyes are so kind topic always spot on well thank you thank you for the compliment thank you nadia christine said he dumped me with two girls how can i forget him and move on you need to do what we've been talking about in this video is you need to re-create this identity for yourself right you need to re-solidify the identity that you've created go back over this video and watch the video over and over and over again and take notes and then do what i talk about in the video because this is scientifically proven stuff that will make you get over your ex it is the fastest way to do it if you want more you can always check out the breakup remedy at commitmentconnection.com forward slash breakup dorothy says when i'm nice to to my guy he starts taking me for granted and only communicates a few texts if that is so irritating being taken for granted do i have to be non-caring always no but you do need to lean back until he's committed in your relationship that's the first thing you need to do the second thing you need to do is stop focusing on texting like so many women are like hey how do i build this whole relationship through text how do i get him to text more often and you can do that right you can build a relationship over text you can get a guy to start texting more but it's incredibly painful to do that and you're far better off meeting in person and building a relationship in person than trying to get him to to start doing something that he doesn't want to do right so instead what you want to do is when he's kind of pulling back which is what you're calling taking for granted what you want to do is pull back as well and that's why it feels like it feels like when you don't care he cares more right because you're you're using human dynamics there right you're you're pulling back and when he's pulled back and all of a sudden he starts coming forward and you come forward but then when he pulls back you're going forward again and so what ends up happening is you're like oh he's taking me for granted but in reality what's happening is there's a wave right and you're far better off to mirror him and pull back when he pulls back because when you do that it'll be a much shorter period of time before he comes back to you right so i i don't know what pulling back means to you whether it means that he stops talking to you for a day he stops talking to you for a couple days he's whatever right but um what you want to do is make sure that when he's like not initiating he's not texting as much that you're not texting as much you're not initiating find other places where you're getting connection stop trying to get all your connection through him right if you're not in an exclusive committed relationship you should be building abundance within yourself and creating an abundance of options and an abundance of connection with people with other men with animals with family members with friends so that you're not completely dependent on getting your needs met through him it's very important very very very important francine says he is a very busy successful man and doesn't make time for me he drove to my home twice in the past month and we had a nice time visiting well is that what you want francine is that what you feel like you want in a relationship if it's not then you need to decide what it is that you want and start focusing on that one of the biggest things that happens is women come to me and they're like okay there's this guy right and i'm totally attached to him and i'm trying to make him do all these things right but that's what a person who doesn't feel like they're valuable does right a person who really feels like they're valuable they stop trying to force somebody to do something and they say hey i'm worth more than this if you're you know this is what i want they communicate what it is that they want with the person that they're seeing and then they say you know it's fine if you don't want to give that to me but i'm not going to settle for anything less than what i actually want and then what they end up doing is they pull back and they start seeing other people and they start finding in their life what they want and if that guy decides that he wants to step up and create the relationship that you want to have that's great if not that's fine too because there's lots of men out there and there's plenty of men who want to give you a great amazing relationship and so what you want to do is make sure you're with somebody who already values you who already treats you well that you communicate what you want and so that he knows how to give that to you and if because if he doesn't know how to what you want then he might end up doing what a lot of other people are doing which is pulling back and playing hot and cold and all that kind of stuff because he doesn't know that you're a high value woman who absolutely knows what she deserves and isn't going to settle for breadcrumbs and he needs to know that he needs to be afraid and scared out of his mind that he's going to lose you if you want a great relationship and i'm not saying that you should manipulate him or or try to tell him that he's going to lose you or any of that kind of stuff he has to feel that way he has to feel that if he doesn't step up his game and start acting the way that you want him to act in order to create the relationship that you want to have that you are going to be taken away by some other guy who's far more willing to see your value and give you the things that you want to have in your relationship you are worth more than that you are worth what you want in a relationship and you deserve it and there's plenty of guys out there that are willing and happy and thrilled and can't wait to have a great relationship like that with a woman and so my suggestion is that you stop messing around with guys that are unavailable that aren't giving you what you want that are toxic that are you know all these things that women complain about being narcissistic and peter pan syndrome and you know you know whatever right and instead find a guy that is actually going to treat you the way that you want to be treated instead of being like oh okay it's this one guy and i'm attached to him and that's it right detach yourself we just talked about how to do it if you need more ways you can check out the breakup remedy at commitmentconnection.com forward slash breakup but make sure that you get into the type of relationship that you want to have a relationship where a guy treats you well and connects with you and loves you and cherishes the ground on which you walk was that a rant does did i did i run off on a rant here all right janice says so if you're with them and they and you ask questions and they won't answer you they're very quiet and silent should i be concerned about the silence absolutely right if you ask a guy questions and he doesn't answer them what was the question about right is he answering other questions right why wouldn't he answer that question hmm there's usually a good reason there's a good reason for everything and so you want to make sure that you're not putting yourself into a situation where you're being taken for granted and you're getting into a situation where uh he your values aren't aligned you don't want to be in that situation all right let's see mickey says he says i have expectations and that's preventing me from being happy with him is there such a thing as having no expectations absolutely right and it's one of those things where so it depends on what you mean by expectations if you mean expectations like what we talk about right expectations like you expect that a guy is going to do all these things and if he doesn't then you know you're like you know why didn't you do these things that i wanted you to do or whatever right that's one kind of expectation another kind of expectation is that you know what it is that you want and that you're not going to settle for less right so the first kind of expectation is i want you to do this you know and usually what this looks like is women will be like you know why didn't you pull out my chair you know why didn't you open the door for me why didn't you you know whatever right which is a very painful way to connect with a guy right you if you have expectations around that right or or like sometimes women have expectations around texting where they'll send a text to a guy and they'll be like hi and the guy's like hi back and the woman's like why isn't he texting me more often right and it's like uh because he doesn't know right because you sent him a high right and so if you want something different you have to communicate what it is that you want and if you have expectations you have to figure out whether their expectations or whether they're standards right is this something where you're nitpicking over little things or is it something where you know you you have communicated what it is that you want you know what it is that you want you're communicating what it is that you want and he's deciding to not live up to those standards that you have right so absolutely you can have no standards right or no expectations right and it's you'll be a lot happier when you have no expectations because what will end up happening is people won't disappoint you if you have no expectations right and it's pretty difficult to not have any expectations at all however you'll experience a much more enjoyable life with low with no expectations but having high standards right if so for instance let's say that you go out on a date with a guy and you have an expectation that he's going to pay for dinner right and then he doesn't pay for dinner well you expected him to pay for dinner and so now you're angry that he didn't because he's not living up to your expectations whereas if you have no expectations but you have standards and he doesn't pay for your dinner but your standard is that you want to have a man who's a provider and who pays for your dinners and who treats you that way right and he doesn't do that it means that you're not upset right but what it means is that he's not living up to your standards you can still be happy you can still have a good time and you're still enjoying yourself but he's not living up to your standards and that's okay because not everybody's going to live up to your standards and instead you're going to find somebody else who does live up to your standards you're going to communicate what it is that you want you know and there's nothing wrong with what he did by not paying for your dinner right we live in the world of strong independent feminist women and so it's becoming more and more expected especially in the west and the united states more so than anywhere else that you will pay for your own dinner right because you're a strong independent woman and you don't need no man for nothing right and if you run into a guy who feels that way about kind of the world or he doesn't really have a lot of money or he's been around a lot of kind of feminist women who are offended by by a guy paying for their meals then he might expect that you're going to pay for your own side of your meal right and so you you have to decide whether it's something that controls you or whether it's something that doesn't control you and you let it kind of wash over you and you you just let it pass you by and that's kind of the difference between standards and expectations right and it's maybe that wasn't the best articulated but i hope you i hope you kind of get what i'm talking about here so bbh says question if he keeps pulling away and come back and i state it's not cool he apologizing but keeps happening he says thinking about us but not sharing yeah we already talked about this bbh you have to decide whether this is the kind of relationship that you actually want to be in right this is uh uh you're looking into the future and you're seeing what is going to be happening and what's going to be happening is you're going to be with a guy who is going to pull away and come back right it's like it's like people that show up late right people that show up late i mean you can try to force them to show up on time if you want to you can absolutely i've done it before right i'm i'm one of those people that shows up on time or early for everything i was a military guy i'm a military veteran i usually show up you know 10 minutes early to everything and one of my my best friend in college was actually this guy right and he was a he was late to everything right he was one of those party dudes he's like always like listening to music and just like having fun and he would sometimes if he would show up on time he would leave just so he could come back and show up late right that's how bad he was about showing up late and for a while i tried to force him to show up on time and it rarely worked and all it did was create stress for me and it was painful it was painful for our relationship it was painful for everything and so at some point i just i just figured out that he's going to show up late all the time and so i would give him times where he would need to show up 15 to 30 minutes before when i actually wanted him to show up right so if i wanted him there at six o'clock i'd tell him 5 30 or 5 sometimes because he was real late i don't know he was mexican he always told me it was because he was mexican i don't know if that's true or not but i know that he shows up late all the time was that is that the racist comment of the day all right so let's move on the point is is that you should you you shouldn't try to force him or manipulate him into doing things instead you should just accept him for who he is right and let him know what it is that you want find out what's going on with him and if he keeps on doing that you have to either come to the realization and the acceptance that he's going to do that all the time or you need to find somebody else right or both do both of those things all right so jackie says quite unusual my ex broke up with me we both realized we live too far long distance from each other because we can both see why it didn't work we both we have both agreed to be friends he texted me today and said and i said i am still healing and the friendship is okay with me we get on so well i am not hoping now for any romance somehow i am okay about the friendship i do wonder though is he regretting it a little the breakup i wouldn't assume that at all i wouldn't i wouldn't assume that for a second [Music] all right dorothy says when he's here he says he doesn't like text exactly just like what we're talking about dorothy and wants to talk on the phone but when he goes back to canada he texts we've been seeing each other that's probably because it costs money to call from canada you might want to teach him about skype or or instagram video chat or facetime or something he wants me to come to canada we've been seeing each other for over a year he wants me to come to canada very interesting very interesting michelle says hello from toronto looking good matt as always well thank you all right let's see jackie says p.s your word abundance has gone to my head i'm texting four guys can't keep up to get over the x above well you don't want to i mean four guys there's a lot of guys to be texting that's a lot of it's a lot of dudes to be texting right at some point you're like okay what what did i text him and what did i say to him and who's who's who's john again uh what did we talk about when we're hanging out so you might want to cut that down a little bit to like three right probably three max so you know one of the things that's going on right now in the world is we live in the world of the hookup culture and there's a lot we're having a lot of challenges there's uh our culture is pushing superficial relationships on all of us right and so a lot of women are having a challenging time women who want to be loved and they want to be valued and they want to be seen in a relationship they're they're having a really difficult time getting into the relationship that they want lots of guys are pulling back lots of guys are saying that they just want to hook up lots of guys are disappearing on them and really uh so i put together a a program about how to attract the guy that you want to have into a relationship where he loves you and he sees you and he connects with you and this is a a very well researched program and lots and lots of women i've had great results from it we have women that are getting married from it all the time we have women that are getting in into relationships with their soul mates we have women that are turning around marriages from using this content we have women there's a woman the other day in the community that was talking about how how all of her friendships and all of her relationships to everybody in her whole life have gotten better from using the stuff inside the forever woman program and so the forever woman formula which is what this is based on is based off of three things one it's about believing in your value believing that you truly deep in your soul that you deserve something great because i know that you know that you deserve something great but you really have to believe it number two it's about positioning yourself in a position of value right a position where men are afraid that if they don't step up if they don't improve their game if they don't do what you want them to do that you are going to be taken by somebody else and they're going to lose their chance to be in a great relationship with you and number three what you need to do is communicate your value and communicating your value is what most women come to me about right they want to find out what to text a guy they want to find out what should they say to a guy which are incredibly important things right and one of the things that a lot of women use is this forward text message that i have when a man pulls away when a man's ignoring you when a man's not talking to you when he's gone cold all that kind of stuff it's a text message that gets his attention and makes him realize that he's made a mistake by pulling away and if you're interested in getting that text message as well as my entire program for free go to theforeverwomanformula.com and get a copy of my program there i promise you won't regret it it is amazing you can get it for free and you can if you decide you want to stay a part of our program you can stay and get coaching and get more content on how to have the relationship that you've always wanted thank you so much for being here with me today we have some of the most amazing beautiful awesome women in the world as a part of our community and i am so blessed and i'm so honored to be serving you and helping you create the relationship that you've always wanted to have so thank you so much for being here my frog fritz says thank you for being here i hope that wasn't weird anyway i've gotta go get going there's some there's some pigeons that i need to go pet but um i will be speaking to you again soon thank you so much for being here and always remember you are worth it

Channel: Matthew Coast

Views: 24,124

Rating: 4.9115481 out of 5

Keywords: emotionally detach, how to stop missing someone, how to stop thinking about someone, how to forget someone you love, how to get over someone you love, emotionally detach from someone, how to get over someone you love deeply, how to get over someone you love who doesnt love you, how to get over someone you love but never dated, how to detach yourself emotionally

Id: dy8-sF6mSYo

Length: 58min 42sec (3522 seconds)

Published: Sat May 16 2020