Why Long Distance Relationships Fail (And What to Do Instead)

seems like lots of people are in long-distance relationships today but they're hard right 40% of them and in breakup that was one of the more recent statistics I've seen them higher than that before and most don't last more than five months so what can you do to make sure that you have a long distance relationship that not only lasts but you get through all the problems and it actually brings you guys closer together and you feel more connected and you feel like this is actually something that will last between you two so today I'm going to be talking about some of the biggest challenges and the biggest things that happen that are under your control in long-distance relationships that you can kind of take a look at and make sure that you work on them so that they don't end up ruining your relationship and instead bring you guys closer together make him want to be around you and crave you and miss you so hi my name is Matthew coast and welcome to commitment connection if you're interested in getting my whole system on long-distance relationships and how to make them work there's a link above or below this video right now depending on where you're watching it from you can get my program called long distance of war so what are some of the things some of the reasons why long-distance relationships fail and what can you do in order to make sure that it doesn't happen so one of the big things that happens number one is smothering your partner so a lot of people will feel like because they're in this long-distance thing that they need to like be connected all the time and so they try to always kind of connect with their partner constantly messaging them telling them about what's going on in their day and how things are in everything keeping it's like a play-by-play if you've ever watched sports before which I don't do much but if you do they do like play by plays and it's like you're giving them a play-by-play of your life and and you don't need to do that right you don't need to call text and video chat every single day all day long that's completely unnecessary and people need space and so what you want to do is give him some space instead so if you never give him any space and you're you're trying to tell them what's going on with you all the time or you're trying to figure out what's going on with him all the time just stop doing that and instead you should give them some room to breathe if you want him to think of you make the time that you're together really great and if you want to add something even more special on to it what you can do is always just give him a gift of something like some kind of item or something that will make him remember you and think of you every time that he sees it and so you just the time that you have together you want that to be really great that way when you're gone he misses you and he wants to be with you again and he's thinking about you you don't need to stay connected all the time number 2 is false assumptions so assuming that he's not into you assuming because he needs space that there's something wrong assuming that he's talking to other women any of those kinds of things right and and this partially is kind of a trust issue and so if you can't trust him you can't really have a relationship with them especially a long-distance relationship you have to have a lot of trust when it comes to a long-distance relationship and relationships in general you have to have a lot of trust there and so if you can trust them and you know you can trust them you feel like you can trust them then do this instead when you aren't with him and you guys aren't connected what you should do is work on your beliefs of worthiness so spend time shifting your belief systems around change your beliefs into beliefs that because you get to choose your beliefs I don't know if you knew that or not right police aren't based on reality beliefs are based on strong emotional states that you're in connected to a habitual thought process so for instance if for if you have a really strong emotion when you're a child that you know your mom and your dad doesn't really love you or something like that that will start getting ingrained in you and then you'll start feeling that way around other people and that can start making you feel things like you're not really worthy of love and all you have to do to get rid of it and I say all you have to do because it sounds like it's a really easy thing but sometimes it can be challenging is to break that pattern and replace it with a new thought pattern that you emotionalize really strongly and so that's what I suggest that you do work on putting yourself into positive emotional states on a continual basis change your thought patterns so that you have thoughts of being worthy of being strong of being somebody who deserves what it is that you want in your life get busy building and creating your life build an abundance of connection with people with animals with nature with everything around you by the way if you're here with us watching right now make sure you say hi in the chat it's cool to see women from all over the world who are watching these live streams with us so build an abundance of connection consistently put yourself into a positive emotional states live a full amazing life right if you want to be confident in your life if you want to be confident in yourself build a life that you're proud of that you like that you've that you've created by design you can do that you have the power to do that and you can do that anytime you want to and the more that you do that the more you'll have confidence in yourself the more you'll believe that you can have whatever it is that you want in your life so number three is financial issues so long-distance relationships can be incredibly expensive especially depending on how far away from each other you guys live and so someone usually has to travel to see the other person sometimes people do it where they where they go back and forth right one person goes and visits one person and the other person goes and visits the other person because it get really expensive really really quickly with all the traveling and gas or plane tickets or however it is that you guys are meeting up with each other and so one of the things that ruins everything is these expectations that you might end up having on the other person and/or the other person has with you and so you think they're gonna do this thing and they don't or they think you're gonna do this thing and you don't or whatever and then next you know you guys have a bunch of strain and stress that doesn't necessarily even need to be there and so the best thing that you can do is talk about these issues beforehand and find out how he feels about everything and what's going on with him that way you can make sure that you've talked about things and you've worked things out and you've created clarity around it so that it's it's it doesn't end up blowing up in your face I'm actually going to be doing a live stream with a woman named Shanti she's a researcher tomorrow about about money and relationships and how to have money conversations and whatnot so if you're not sure about how to do that make sure you check out my livestream about that also make sure that you're flexible around your expectations and and don't get all caught up in how something has to look and how something's supposed to be and all that kind of stuff because that just creates stress in you and so you want to also you can do like low-cost ways of connecting with each other I recommend that if you're in a long-distance relationship that you guys meet up at least once a month if it's gonna be over a long term period of time you guys should at least meet up once a month if not at least a month and a half I mean you don't want to go much further than that because things can start dying out and it can be really really difficult to hold on to that and keep things going and so you can find low-cost ways to connect write video chat is available anywhere in the world at this point another thing you want to do is try to be more low-maintenance then you know expecting a homework like we talked about expectations and so having lots of expectations might end up making him feel like he can't really afford to be with you and spend time with you and being this long-distance relationship especially if you expect him to be the provider and to financially take care of everything and then he's like I don't know if I can do this I'm trying to build this thing but now I'm with this woman and it cost so much in order for me to be in this relationship with her I don't know if I can really do this or not and so another thing that you want to do is if you end up spending some money on the relationship and things that are going on don't blame your partner for it because that just brings ill-will and resentment and can create even more and more and more problems between the two of you so number four is negative emotional experiences so this is look it this looks like being a debbie downer all the time right you don't want to you don't want to be a debbie downer all the time fighting arguing trying to force him to do stuff that that you want him to do those things also just create tons of negative emotions all the time like you don't have to be happy all the time like I want to throw that out there it's not about being happy and having a fake smile on your face and just trying to pretend like you're happy all the time right we all have issues we all get mad we all get sad we all get frustrated we all get into our minds and have nonsense come up about what's going on and what should be and what shouldn't be and all that kind of stuff and so it's not that big of a deal if those things end up coming up with you and all that kind of stuff you just don't want to make that the main focus of your relationship because some couples what I'll end up happening is the woman will want to trigger the guy because she wants some kind of emotional reaction because it shows that he cares and so she'll trigger him through negative emotions but that just pushes the guy away because he goes oh I don't want to be around that and every time I talk to her she's trying to you know elicit these negative emotional responses from me and it just it's it's a it's bad don't do that so that is very bad next is emotionally draining behavior rights of eating him for compliments to trying to get him to tell that he that he still likes you and everything's okay and all that kind of stuff right it's just cringe super emotional draining type of stuff and if you do that a lot with a god it'll make him feel like he doesn't have the emotional capacity to be around you and to be with you all the time and that can be a really really big pain for him and like I said you don't have to be happy all the time good feelings don't just include being happy or being smiley or whatever right good emotions are actually a range of different emotions and if you're having experiencing those emotions but you're on the same side you're in partnership as opposed to being disconnected as opposed to being separate if you're instead in partnership then going through those emotions actually bond you guys closer together and make you feel like you're actually closer and you're in this together and you're sad together or you're angry together or whatever as opposed to it being I'm angry at you because you're not doing what I want you to do and so you're the problem and all that kind of stuff right so if you can you want to be on the side of partnership it doesn't always work out that way everybody you know has issues and we all do stuff that we kind of regret sometimes and so it's not that big of a deal but you want to have a range of positive emotional experiences between the two of you and you don't want to dwell on the negative experiences because that will just end up tearing the relationship apart and number five is boring or dull experiences so this is this is kind of the it's not the opposite right because of the negative experiences it's it's kind of this flat line right it's a flat line feeling where it's just boring and dull and there's nothing going on and it what it ends up doing is it makes it feel like a chore to interact and be in contact because it's like okay I'm just going to talk and then we're just going to say the same thing how are you how are you how was your work how was your work everything's ahead uh yeah okay so what else is going on right and it's just it's boring right and and it makes him feel like he'd rather be doing something else anything else with his time right and so you want to make things more interesting and like I've said in other videos and stuff before it's a two-way street right you shouldn't be doing everything for the relationship it's both ways you guys both should be contributing to this and if you're not just naturally by nature like a fun and playful and and kind of got interesting things going on and know how to make things interesting one of the things that you can do to make things interesting pretty quickly is play word games and so we're games are things like the game would you rather write and all would you rather is is taking two different things and then comparing them and saying which one would you rather do like and you you can do it without even saying would you rather all you can say all you have to say is like coffee tea right or you can say would you rather drink coffee or would you rather drink tea right and then you just you have a game based on that and then you can move on to the next one right and they can he can play those games with you as well right would you rather eat cereal or an omelet would you rather you know play golf or watch golf right would you rather play sports or watch sports would you rather eat chocolate or eat vanilla right and it's just it's one of those things where you can just play with that for a while you can get really creative with it and a lot of fun with it I've I've talked about this on my on my blog quite a bit I've a few different blog posts just about games like this word games that you can play just like this next what you want to do is is learn more about him right ask him questions get curious this makes him feel like he's closer to you because he is communicating with you and telling you things and the more somebody can communicate and tell you the more that they feel like they've been vulnerable and they've been opened up and they're talking to you and they're giving you information and so that makes them feel more connected to you which is a really good thing another one is getting off the call on a high note so if you guys have had a really good call somewhat sometimes what people will do is they'll just hold on to the conversation and try to keep it going and they're like I don't want to get all let's talk about something you don't need to do that I mean you can if you want to if you are pretty confident that you can turn it into something where you're connecting but it's better it's best to just get off on a high note if things are good and you're just like alright you know let's end it right here and then talk again whenever you're going to be talking again in a few days or whatever it is number six is having no planned physical meetup and so you never know when you're going to meet up with each other and if you have no plan and it may never end up happening and so it ends up the whole thing the whole relationship ends up dying out and you're just like going with it and you're not sure where it's gonna go or if it's gonna happen and you're just like I don't know are we even still dating here are we not dating here are we in a relationship and the anticipation dies and you slowly drift away from each other until you're no longer talking because you're not even gonna meet up and you have no plans to meet up and so both of you think the other person isn't really serious about this and this usually happens when the idea of being together is bigger than the reality of making it happen and so it can also happen when you guys just don't talk about it so make sure that you guys talk about it have a plan you know get curious about it you know have a conversation about it see when you guys want to meet up and make sure that you have a plan to actually meet up and so if you get what I'm talking about right now say I get it in the chat if you don't get what I'm talking about ask me questions about things if you have any questions about your situation go ahead and ask them in the chat I'm just going to go over all the different all the different reasons why relationships fail again and then I will get to the questions so number one is smothering your partner number two is false assumptions number three is financial issues number four is negative emotional experiences number five is boring and dull experiences and number six is no physical meetup planned so what do we have what do we have what do we have here with anybody who's who's who's here what's going on hello hello hello everybody says hello finding it first time somebody's found me on live chat awesome nice so let's see Kathy says hello Matthew glad to see you're safe well you are I'm glad that you're glad to see me safe that's great shadowed says happy birthday I don't I don't know whose birthday it is it's not it's not my birthday it's birthday is it right now it's not my birthday so let's see oh I see yeah everybody's wishing me a happy birthday now somebody said it was my birthday it's not my birthday I appreciate the birthday wishes though I'll just I'll have a second birthday right now maybe I can during my real birthday everybody can wish me a happy birthday again no my birthday is in October I'm I'm a Scorpio October 28th shadow'd says I know how that feels not being loved by family I get ignored whenever I am there and get pushed around by my sister and cousin so that sounds horrible Roche said any long-distance relationship temporarily yeah there's a lot of people and temporary long-distance relationships right now let's see Audrey says hi Matt from st. Louis thanks for the content as always you are welcome for the contents as always girls gun art says I need all his videos badly does that hey does anybody have any questions in here about their situations let's see CJ says the only thing I need is all the videos of Matthew Coast available on CD you still use a CD CJ is that a thing I didn't know people still use CDs I thought we were all on digital nowadays you still have CDs I actually bought something the other day I bought some some program the other day and it came to me in DVDs I was like what who I don't even have a DVD player like I had to go and buy a DVD player just so that I could play the DVDs that I got of the program that I bought it was crazy so girls gun art says what if it's not long distance and we need financial support and he isn't responsive well it depends on what you mean by it he isn't responsive and it depends on what you mean by you mean by you need financial support and it depends on what kind of a relationship you're in right if this is kind of the initial stages of dating then it's it's a lot different than if you guys have been if you're like in a committed relationship or if you're married or something like that and you have financial problems it's a very very different kind of scenario Rossa Nancy's no debbie downer no bitter Betties and that's what I'm talking about no bitter Betties that is so glorious says sometimes long-distance is difficult we both can get steamy including in-camera chat so what to say to go more into chatting and connect more emotionally with his heart well avoid going steamy that is what you want to do is just avoid going steamy all the time right and if you have to you can set up a boundary or or just talk about how you feel like you need to connect in an emotional way instead of through kind of some steamy some steamy way right and have real conversations with him and ask him questions specifically emotional eliciting questions right from my emotional range principle I talked about this not only in my long-distance program but also the forever woman program but there's questions you can ask him specifically to make him feel different types of emotions that you want him to feel and just getting curious and talking to him about things and just putting up boundaries around the steamy behavior and making sure that you're actually having real conversations instead of making it about this right and and I mean if you have to you can always do over the phone instead of video but really what you should do is is have some boundaries and make sure that you're you're getting your emotional needs met and not just making it about the steamy the steamy behavior girls gone says what if it's not long-distance but we live apart and I don't like going to his house because I'm more of a more comfy in my home okay well I mean you can always have a conversation with him about it right if he's if he's always trying to get you to go over to his place you can always be like oh it's your turn to come over here and hang out with me and come visit and we can chat and hang out here you know and just and just be like no no seriously I'd love to have you come over here sometime and just you know just kind of push the issue a little bit with him right it sounds like you guys are on strong enough terms and ain't enough of a relationship that you can do that without freaking them out or anything and if he even if he does get a little you know not happy about it you can always just be like look I'd love for you to come in and hang out I just I feel like I'm going over there all the time and I just love to see you and have you come over here and I think it would be a lot of fun and you know let's let's do it just you know just see what see what his deal is with that right see what's going on there what's going on there yep yep yep give Barry love says I'm going to ask a question making more steamy stuff on video what about it what about what what question do you have about it so girls gone what if I'm so pissed she's got like a million questions today thanks girls Connor what if I am so busy with work that I get so tired and don't have enough energy to be to seeing him and go out with him when I'm finished working is that trashy or cheap to ask no absolutely and it just gives you more of a reason to tell you just look be like look I'm really tired and I'm not gonna come out and you should come and visit me instead right and if he's really against it then you know you can just feel like well I guess we're just not gonna hang out tonight you know or you can come over whatever whichever one is fine with me you know I'd really love to see you and I but I'd also I also don't want to you know I just got home from work and I'm really tired and you know I just I want to hang out here and relax and I'd love it if you come over and you know hang out and we can you know look into each other's eyes and whisper sweet nothings into each other's ears and and caress each other's cheeks and tell each other how wonderful and smart and amazing we are maybe maybe oh you're asking help with his bills with with your bill so you want him to come over so that he can help you with your bills is that what you're talking about I don't know if if that's if that's gonna fly that's that's a little bit it's a little bit stretching it girls gone aren't when I do he doesn't respond by helping with my bills why would he be helping you with your bills let's let's start there why is he helping you with your bills at all why aren't you paying for your bills why is why do you want him to be helping you with that Anita says hey Matthew I'm watching from England never caught your live stream before you look very well and thank you so much for all the great advice well you're absolutely welcome and thank you for the compliment I love I love compliments says what do I do if we don't end the phone on a high note phone calling a high now well don't worry about it you'll talk to each other again just don't spend all your time in negative emotional states and no negative emotional experiences with them just avoid that if you have important conversations to have you guys should be having them in person ideally and you don't always have to write it like a lot of times when women come to me and I'll tell them something and I'm like yeah this is this does that and this creates that right and they're like they take it and they like make it a rule they're like okay he said high note finish on a high note I have to always finish on a high note you don't always have to finish on the high note you don't always have to be happy you don't always have to be cheerful and smiling it's you're a normal human being and that's part of the normal human being and if he's attracted to you and you've been doing everything right then having a time when you're you're not emotionally happy or having a time when you're you're not ending things on a high note isn't necessarily a big problem at all and so I wouldn't worry about it Linda said I tried the would you rather game said I was baking cupcakes vanilla or chocolate and he said whatever you have baked I enjoy I'm gonna diet any thoughts Matt yeah I mean that's one thing I you know if you're if you're baking cupcakes and you're actually baking cupcakes and you're like hey vanilla or chocolate I'm baking cupcakes it's it's not really the would you rather game right the would you rather is like actually asking him hey would you rather have chocolate or vanilla cupcakes and he'll be like I'm gonna diet and you're like okay well would you rather have you know I don't know what kind of a diet he's on let's say he's on the Paleo diet and you're like okay well would you rather have vanilla or chocolate bacon right would you rather have vanilla or chocolate what you know whatever right it's it you say one thing and then you're like oh he's you know he's on a diet I can't do this anymore right you don't have to get freaked out that he said one time that that he like rejected it because you you brought it up in a we're you know in a way that didn't work for the conversation that you're having with him because he thought that you were like hey art do you want to eat some cupcakes I'm making them do you want me to make chocolate or vanilla and he's like hey I'm on a diet I don't eat that stuff and you're like oh you know instead you could one don't bring it up like hey I'm making cupcakes to bring it up like hey we're having this fun game and we're just chatting and you ask him a question and that's why I like the tea and coffee one because when you do tea or coffee and you just do it out of the blue and you just type in T dot dot dot or coffee question mark right then he's like okay she's asking me this question and then he comes back with this whatever and it doesn't even matter what he says to it you just say the next question right and you're like you know pancakes or bacon and he's like well I'll do both and then you go to the next question right and you just hit it over and over and over again and he'll start to catch on and you'll start to figure out what you're doing and then you can decide whether he wants to play with you or whether he wants to mess with you or whether he's going to be a sourpuss and not play the game at all and that's really up to him psycho says thanks for your valuable speech well I'm glad that that speech was valuable girls gone art says Matt how do we get him to ask us to move in and give us the key to his home you are in a very interesting person girl's gun art first off I wouldn't suggest that you do that number one if he's not if you want to get married at some point my suggestion is that you don't try to get him to move in to move you in and that you don't move in and that you don't get a key to his home and that you instead start dating other people and you know unless you're in an exclusive committed relationship right but make sure that you're not putting yourself into a situation where he's getting all of his needs met and you're not going to end up getting your needs met and so my suggestion is that you don't get him to ask you that and instead you work on getting to the point of marriage if that's something that you want and if you want to know how to do that what you need to be doing is going through my system and using my system right a lot of times women come to me and I get this all the time women will come to me and sometimes they'll get my coaching right and they'll get on the phone with me and they're like okay I'm in this crazy situation right where this the this thing things aren't working out and and how do it you know what do I say to him to like flip things around completely and make him you know beg to have me back in his life and you know do all these things for me and it's like you know what do you there's a kind of a process that you really need to go and there's fundamental things that you need to have in place and if you haven't had those things in place girls gone aren't then trying to get him to ask you to move in and give you the key to his home is is like is you're like over here and you're trying to do something that's over here right and so you you need to be having you need to have the fundamentals down and it sounds to me like you're coming from kind of this weird desperate Neenee place where you're trying to get them to pay for your stuff and and you're trying to get out of your lease of your apartment so that you can move in with him because yeah apparently you can't pay for your own stuff and so like you need to rethink what you're doing with all of this stuff right now and figure out whether this is the best action for you to take or not and my suggestion is that you go and get the forever woman program there should be a link above or below this go to the forever woman formula dot-com and make sure that you have the fundamentals in place with your relationship before you go trying to get him to do some crazy thing like get you to move out of your apartment and into his house right because that's like I don't know that's that's a little much you're asking you're asking a little much here girls gone aren't so Marcel says my man never craved for me because he's been living with his friend with unlimited benefits and really breaks my heart every second of my life I need to let him go since he can't leave his friend for me I already did everything I can to keep him away from his friend but none of it works yeah and you need to stop doing that Marcel Marc Marcel Marcel you need to stop doing that right stop trying to make things happen right he's gonna do whatever he wants to do that's what men do men do whatever they want to do and you trying to keep him away from somebody is only gonna make him feel like he wants to go towards that person even more and so what you need to do is do the opposite right you shouldn't be fighting for somebody who's not fighting for you only fight for a relationship when somebody is fighting for you as well if they're not fighting for you if they're not fighting to stay in the relationship you don't fight for the relationship either you let go of them immediately and pull back and find somebody who actually wants to be in a relationship with you when you're trying to force somebody to be in a relationship with you who's sleeping and living with somebody else it I mean it's like crazy it's like it's like we're in crazy land or something and you know you're the you're the king of crazy land and so you want to stay away from being the king or queen of crazy land and instead come back to reality here where this guy is sleeping with this other person and he doesn't want to be with you and you need to go and break that off and he'll do your healing that you need to do and refocus your life so that you're focusing on yourself and building yourself up and being strong and believing that you're worthy of having a great relationship where a guy wants just you right he right now you're you're fighting for somebody and you're fighting for a relationship where a guy doesn't even want you which tells me that you have some some serious self-esteem issues and some feelings like you're not really worthy of having something great in your life because if you did believe that you were worthy of that as soon as you found out this dude was hanging out with this other woman and sleeping with her you would have walked away from that immediately because this is not a situation that you want to be in at all so that's what I have to say about that one let's see doop de doop to do I lost my lost my spot where I was here so Irene asked how do you make it text conversation more meaningful well there's a lot of different ways that you can make text conversations more meaningful the best way is to have more meaningful questions that you ask when you're having a text conversation but an even better way is to stop having meaningful conversations over text message text message is not designed to have meaningful conversations if you're gonna have meaningful conversations add the most at the very least you want to have them on video chat and at the most what you want to do is use texting to meet up and get together with your guy so I get women all the time it's like they want to build this big relationship over text message and that's not not the way to do things at all you do not want to build a relationship over text message because all kinds of things can go wrong through that and instead you want to use text messaging to meet up in person and or if you're in a long-distance relationship use it to get into video chat and so I actually there are ways that you can have more meaningful texting conversations but my suggestion is that you stop trying to do that and instead you meet up with each other because the magic is in the meet up that's where the that's where the magic is that is where the magic is CJ says seems we will be meeting next year this time with the with the beer bug quarantine going on yep we got the beer bug right now so it I don't think it'll be led that long I don't think it'll be that long at all I have a very very good feeling that it's not going to be that long so berry love says I'm afraid since we are not official it's going to drive him away emotionally because of the beer bug well the beer bug is not going to drive him away what's gonna drive him away is smothering him and doing all the things that we talked about in the video that you don't want to do in a long-distance relationship that's going to drive him away the beer bug is just going to be the beer bug and everybody's going to do whatever they're gonna do with the beer bug but if you're still doing the things that I talked about not only in this video but also in my long-distance allured program you can get it at the link above or below here if you get that and you do the things that I talked about in there then you have the best chance of success so that's what I suggest that you do who that's what I suggest you do but about bound Jenna says I have just thrown myself into dating not very sure what to do in single than single for ten years if not more I see it's changed quite a bit maybe you can help me get started yes I have a program you can get it for free it's called the forever woman and there's a link above or below this video that you can go get that for free go click on the link watch the video and get the program or you can go to the forever woman formula.com the forever woman formula comm and every time I hear women that say that they're like I've been out of dating for years right and they go through that program they're like wow this is like one of the most valuable things I've ever watched in my life and it's great you can listen to it on audio if you're driving around or whatever so my suggestion is that you do that do that boopadoo Rose says don't you have a podcast I do I do actually have a podcast says I'm a long-distance relationship and I don't know what to do when I get to see him for the first time so you guys haven't seen each other before he's in Nebraska and make sure he's a real person another problem that a lot of people have is that they fall in love with people that aren't real people and they're talking to them online and then people scammers scam people out of stuff all the time so make sure number one that you're not talking to a scammer if they try to get money from you at any time ever don't do it make sure you guys do video chat to make sure that this person is a real person who is not speaking with an accent who lives in the place that you expect this person to actually live and so that's that number two and you don't know what when what to do when I get to see him for the first time well you guys have to plan some kind of meet-up if you're I mean it depends on are you going there is he going to you whatever you guys do you know first thing you need to figure out is what you feel comfortable with and what kind of a relationship you've already decided that you guys want to have before you guys meet up it's it's always kind of a weird situation when you haven't actually met this person my suggestion is that you don't go and have a hookup kind of outing with this person and instead make sure that you get your own hotel room or Airbnb or whatever and then just plan on meeting up and going on actual dates like normal people would if you were living close to somebody because what can happen is if you go out there and you guys end up like hooking up and it's just this hookup thing it might turn fizzle out at that because that might be what he was looking for and instead you want to make sure that you don't put yourself into the wrong category with a guy which is something that absolutely can happen no questions no question about it especially if if you're in a long-distance situation like that Vicky said should I expect him to be saying good morning and good night if he's committed no you absolutely shouldn't be expecting him to say good morning and good night that there's some people that do that and there's most people don't and so if I mean sometimes if he does it that's cool but you should definitely shouldn't expect that he's doing that with you at all especially a lot if you guys are in a are you guys in a long-distance really I don't know what kind of a situation you're in but if that is definitely not an expectation that you should have with with somebody I mean I don't know why you'd expect that at all and in fact if he's smart he will give you space just like if you're smart you'll give him space that way when you guys come back together it's like you pull apart then you come back and it's like oh you know you guys are just totally in love and craving each other and you miss each other and you're like and it's like this tension right it's I call it the rubber band effect where you well you guys both go out and then you slap back together right and it's like this fun and amazing exciting experience that you guys have so Kathleen says I really needed to hear this today he's been gone for three months with this job and locked down at his current city well that's so I'm sad to hear that sad to hear that it happens it happens Irene says if he prefers more direct and honesty is it better to tell him how I feel it depends on what you mean by telling him how I feel yeah and I talked about this in live streams all the time because women will come to me and they'll be like they'll be like I want to tell him how I feel right and what they mean usually is that they want to like spew out all these expectations and all these things that they're trying to trying to tell him about her fantasy of what kind of a relationship and world that she wants to have with him and so if that's what you're talking about if you're talking about telling him how you feel like oh I love you and I want to have our babies together and I see us living together and a white picket fence and a and a dog and we're gonna be together forever ah you know you don't want to do that right you can talk about how you feel from a different standpoint my one of my colleagues here Hellena heart talks about feeling statements when you say I've you know I feel this I feel that and you're talking about your feelings that's a really powerful way to talk about how you feel you can talk about how you things that are attractive things that are not attractive you can sit down and have like really straight conversations if you need to have conversations about things because something you know hurt you or you were put in a situation where you feel bad about something you can have those kinds of situations but that's a lot different than just spewing out all of your issues and problems and what you want and how much you love them and how you know you're gonna lock them in the basements later and you know keep them down there with no lights on and you know feed them feed them dog food and because you're so crazy in love with him and you don't want him to ever leave you because I find you right sorry I went off on a tangent there I went off on a tangent there so girls gone art says I've been dating boyfriend for five months oh my god okay so she says I'm 35 and would like to get married how long should I wait for the ring you shouldn't wait any longer than a year and five months is nothing right like you're talking about trying to get him to get you to move you in and stuff like guys have a timeline and they know by around the six-month mark what kind of a relationship he wants to ultimately have with you and so if you've only been dating for five months I mean that that's long enough for him to know but if you go like six seven eight months and he's not trying to move things forward he's probably not going to right and based on the ways that you're talking right now you need to do some leaning and some chilling out and some rewiring of your belief systems and some taking care of your own problems and your issues and your money situation for yourself because some guy isn't going to want to take that on if you've got other even bigger money kind of problems which maybe you do maybe you don't I don't have an idea but you know based on you know your concern for trying to get him to pay your bills and it's only been five months like yeah you know um I don't know about that and if it's not his idea and you're trying to make it you're trying to get him to think that way and you're trying to kind of force and pry him it just it sounds like a lot of desperation from from you and it sounds like you're kind of in this place where you trying to force him to do these things and it's not going to be healthy if you're you're doing it like that at all so Anita says I'm in a long-distance relationship while he's stuck in Ireland I'm in England obviously stopped visiting recently we've fallen into a pattern of fighting on the phone now I agreed he could dot-dot-dot be boss until I found he had been irresponsible in his own life we are in a power struggle yeah it sounds like you're in a power struggle how can I help him see that I need to prove he has become sensible before letting him be in charge well you can set your boundaries is one thing that you can do but another thing is like what you're doing right now is is exactly what you're talking about you're you're in a power struggle right you're trying to create this power dynamic where you're like you know I'm gonna make you do this thing right and he's like I don't want to right and and he's trying to be in charge but you're like I'm not gonna let you be in charge until you figured your life out right which is like I mean it's it's really kind of like down talking him and stuff and so it just sounds like you're in a really really bad situation right now in a lot of regards and you need to break kind of the pattern that you're in for the types of conversations that you're having right now because what this is going to lead to even if you end up setting boundaries and all that kind of stuff and and you let him take charge is he's going to end up being resentful and there's a high probability chance based on what you've already said so far that there might be some kind of backlash to it from him and that's not going to look good for either of you guys and so you want to avoid doing that and being in that situation and talking in that way to him and instead of having arguments and trying to make him prove that he's being responsible and stuff I mean it's it's a it really sounds like you're you're you're the kind of the relationship that you're in right now it sounds very immature it sounds very petty it sounds very like like you're trying to like you're trying to control him and make him be a certain way which is only going to backfire in the end and so you what you have to figure out from here going forward is is this guy really a guy that that I can be with long term is you know his personality traits in the way that he is which probably isn't going to change anytime soon is this something that I'm willing to be a part of and if you think that you're gonna have to keep trying to make him prove that he's being responsible which this is going to come up again by the way then what's going to end up happening is you're just gonna get in this pattern of him proving you know you kind of letting go of it and then him taking a spiral downwards and then you getting all you know power struggle back on him and this is going to happen for the rest of the time that you're in this relationship unless both of you guys break this pattern immediately and you stop trying to control him and start instead accepting him for who he is and then deciding whether you actually want to be with this man who is this man the way that he is right now or not and yeah absolutely you can put up a boundary and let him know what what it is that you want but you aren't gonna do it until you know you found that he does this one thing but just remember that this this isn't going away this is this is something that's gonna stay with you Jeanette says nice haircut well thank you Janet Jeanette Janet Jeanette so shadowed says what if because of family you can't see or speak to each other as much as you want what do you mean by that what do you mean because of family you can't are you like what what kind of a situation would you be in where your family is preventing you from seeing and speaking to each other are you both living with your parents are you are you adults like what's going on here I'm a mom all they're confused about what's going on in your situation and why your family wouldn't allow you to see and speak to each other as you as much as you want to I mean it sounds it sounds based just on this that maybe you guys are either minors or you still live with your parents and if you're not minors if you're actually adults and you still live with your parents my suggestion is that you get out of living with your parents as soon as possible and instead live on your own and be responsible for yourself if you're minors then you shouldn't be on this channel right now bunny says hi Matt hug bunny thanks for this video you're welcome glad that we seem to be doing things right to keep our ldr going strong that's good to hear I like that it's good to hear bunny Bundy milk says not all ldr got fail I'm happy to my LDR now we see each other here in Hong Kong after that our relationship gets stronger I'm from the Philippines yeah they don't all fail right 60 percent of them statistically speaking do well and so if you're part of that sixty percent then you're doing great if not then not so relly says hi you look great today well thank you really I appreciate that I appreciate that so you know we kind of live in this world right now that's like the hook-up culture right and a lot of people are having tons and tons of problems because lots of people are just hooking up it's men and women by the way a lot of women come to me and they're like oh man just want to hook up well a lot of women just want to hook up too and and I hear it all the time where they say that that guys will tell me that they can't meet a woman that wants to actually be in a relationship and so you know most women come to me most of the women who do come to me are looking to attract a man who loves them and sees them and cherishes them and they want to get into a committed lasting relationship usually if they don't they don't last very long in our community but one of the problems is is that men keep pulling away and disappearing on them and this makes them feel confused and doubt themselves and their own value and their self-worth and many times they feel like they just want to give up on dating relationships and Men altogether and I totally get it right if you're having a hard time with men and dating right now this is the world that we live in it's it's pretty common that people are having lots of problems and we live in a culture where superficial relationships are encouraged and anything meaningful meaningful is discouraged and that's why I have put together a system for attracting a great quality guy into a great quality relationship and what you want to do is three things there's a three-part plan to it right one is to believe in your own value you have to believe in your own value because of the law of belief transference whoever believes something stronger than the other person will transfer those beliefs to the other person which is why you can't try to convince a guy to love you or commit to you or any of that stuff because he and his own mind is already set in his ways of like no I don't believe that I'm not feeling that that's not what's going on with me and so doing those kinds of things doesn't work because he you can't change his beliefs that way if his are stronger than yours are and so instead you want to do you want to position yourself in value you want to believe in your value position yourself in value and then you want to communicate it in a way that communicates your value you want to set boundaries you want to make sure that you're not getting into a situation that isn't worthy of you right and a lot of women are getting into situations that aren't worthy of them and that's why they come to me because they're in a challenging situation and I help them get out of it and turn their marriages around or attract a really great guy or start attracting guys right or get to second dates and you know get into a situation where they connect with the man's emotions so that he falls in love with them and that's what I do and that's what happens with the women who join the forever woman program and if you want to check out the forever woman program there's a link above and below this video there's also if you're interested in my long distance program it's called long distance allure there's a link above and below this video so go check those out thank you so much for being with me here today I really appreciate you I'm so grateful for you to be a part of my community and allowing me to be here with you and being on your journey to helping you attract the man that you've always wanted to have in your life and we have the most amazing women in our community in the entire world and so thank you so much for the women who are a part of our community thank you for being with you me here today and I'm doing another livestream tomorrow so make sure you check out the channel we're going to be doing lots of long distance relationship live streams because a lot of people are in long-distance relationships right now and so I want to make sure that you're getting your needs met and you're getting everything that you need to make sure that you're in a great relationship so thank you so much for being here and I will speak with you again soon and always remember you are worth it

Channel: Matthew Coast

Views: 12,821

Keywords: long distance relationships, long distance relationship, how to make a long distance relationship work, long distance, Why Long Distance Relationships Fail, long distance relationship tips, how to keep a long distance relationship, long distance love, long distance relationship advice, how to keep a long distance relationship exciting, yt:cc=on

Id: GO0AUpzC22g

Length: 59min 40sec (3580 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 31 2020