How To Date || Bianca Olthoff

well good morning good morning good morning I'm so glad that you're here welcome to the father's house as always for those that are joining online order Norco prison campus you will notice that we are in a new venue today so can we welcome our online family as well as d'arco prison campus and say what's up fam hey okay so let me just get out for a second before we dive into the sermon I have been so West this week because secretly well not so secretly I'm a word nerd dork I was home-schooled as a kid my mom is here thank you for homeschooling me mom all my dorkiness is indebted to this woman and last week I took our church through the four Greek words for our one English word love and I had a young just blessed me I've seen it on social media I'm getting text messages saying I phileo you I was having a conversation with a friend and you know she's kind of interested in somebody and I was like is that a eros love or an agape love okay we got to keep that in check and if you're like not here less speaking you're like what are you talking about you can watch a sermon online and get caught up with all the cool kids all right but this week this week we're gonna dive into another aspect of our relational series love is I firmly believe that one of the mandates that God has just put on that in eyes heart is that we would put language and context and handles for people navigating the treacherous waves of relationships so whether you are married whether you're single whether you are single again or widowed hey we want to give you language and so each week we're gonna be talking about various topics and if that topic doesn't necessarily pertain to you exactly don't tune out because if you're married in here and we talk about singleness you now have a language and nomenclature phraseology and you have the you have the four one one back in the day you had a call for one one for information okay make it culturally relevant right now you have the Google all right as we go through God's Word to give us language in fact last week there's a couple of single girls that hooked up with a married girl and they were like hey can we go to lunch and over lunch I just decided to discuss some of the principles that we were talking about love this is why this is important last week we discovered if we do not have of the agape love of God the everlasting unchanging immutable love of God we will never be able to love people in the way that they need to be loved amen okay so the room is big and I need you all to play today okay so as we go into this I was thinking about it this week and I was reminiscing on how important love is not just comprised of one item and relationships are not comprised of one item one thing one word I was taken back to the tender age of eight years old and at the age of eight years old I told my mom that I wanted to take a cake decorating class do you remember that mom and my cake cake decorating class I learned icing and piping and fondant to the glory of God I even made my own cakes like I was really excited $0.50 says I love you like the fat kid loves cake y'all I was the fat kid that loved cake okay and I would make a cake for all my friends all my family and I absolutely loved it but I learned real quick I learned real quick that it doesn't matter how pretty a cake looks on the outside it's the ingredients on the inside and what it requires to make a cake that really matter now did you know did you know that in our day and age you can now microwave cake in a cup in just 60 seconds you get cake that has been in a box for god knows how long since 1975 and summer ratshit frosting that goes on top now between the two photos juxtaposed the beautiful cake that's on the screen and this cake in a cup I'm gonna ask you church do you want cake in a cup or do you want a cake yeah see here's the beautiful thing a good cake requires great ingredients organic eggs semolina flour some good sugar you can't use brown sugar you need some white sugar Mathew only white sugar okay just kidding kidding my mother's here stop making me look bad well you take all these ingredients that wasn't in my notes maybe I'm so sorry so you take all these ingredients flash flash see that's what happens when we talk about love church you take all these ingredients you mix them into a bowl and that batter goes into an oven there's some heat and when heat is applied to a relationship something good is gonna come out now what we see here is that when it becomes two relationships relationships require good quality ingredients as well so if you're taking note today the title of today's sermon is how to date now next week I'm gonna be forthcoming with you next week whether you're married or single we're gonna be talking about a very important topic that very important topic is singleness and don't think oh that's not for me if you're married or if you're widowed in fact singleness is for everyone because if we're not okay in our singleness then we will never be able to be in relationship with anyone else whether that is an eros love an agape love or a store gay love and some of you are like what is this love listen to the message from last week okay so what is the key ingredients to good healthy relationships Church I'm going to ask you to holler back I'm gonna say a word and when I remain silent you fill it in with the word on the screen turn with me in your Bibles to first Corinthians 13 this is the anchor passage of this entire series first Corinthians 13 verses four through eight every week we're gonna be going through this passage so it is deep in our veins it is in the fiber of our faith are you ready Church can I get an amen love is love is love does not it does not and is not proud it does not dishonor others and is not it is not easily it keeps no record of love does not delight in evil but rejoices with it always always always always love never fails so let's use this as a matrix a grid and understanding of what we are gonna build as datian of our relationships when we discuss the topic of dating so I am a nerd I love data and this week on social media I put on a bunch of poles and people played one of the questions that I asked was if you when I say the word dating reply back with the word that comes to mind and let me tell you some of the phrases that people gave me ah the green emoji with the vomiting face no words just that awkward messy dangerous scary dread and rejection hell fear marriage occasionally there's one happy person in there one person says not even words just an I roll another person wrote in and could this could this date be a kid this broke be my bow I love that one and another person said somewhere between the level of commitment and marriage someone broke thank God I'm married another person said I hope she's not a stage five clinger another person said I'm here for the three food okay so what is dating and why is this conversation so daunting and so nebulous yo I did some research this week and if you know me I'm passionate the topic of love do you know that our understanding of dating dating as we know it today dating in history is actually a modern phenomenon started in the 1940s and 50s where murica literally dating started here in America we are at fault for our nebulous and unclear understanding of what dating is prior to this actually prior to the 1800s up until that point parents would find suitable mates for their children they would talk or one set of parents would talk to another set of parents and they would be based on alliances and mutually benefiting both families it was very transactional occasionally there would be love but around the turn of the century American history and culture grew to have more autonomy and latitude autonomy independence latitude you go outside of what you really know and children are now given a choice a slight choice in choosing a partner well how would you meet you and me at a dance you meet at church you mean the community you'd meet at school and then your parents would talk to their parents and they would meet at one of their houses how awkward is that you're on a date and your parents are listening in well that's the way that it was but then then something happens the turn of the century all of a sudden there was a growing what we could classify is the middle class and this term called teenagers nowhere else in the world did teenagers exist it was this space between childhood and adulthood where people had the autonomy the independence of an adult but the dependence of a child as then I'm gonna act like an adult I have a car I have money I'm going on dates I'm gonna have sex I'm gonna break the rules but I'm still living with my parents don't have a job I'm underage now because of this modern changing phenomenon women were leaving the context of home around the farms or rural areas and they were going into the city to look for jobs and in looking for jobs they gained independence no longer were the parents there to make the matches so what happened men and women started figuring out how to do life together independently it's basically Lord of the Flies for dating it's no man's land there's no rules and if there's no rules there's lack of clarity where there's lack of clarity there's confusion where there's confusion people are prone to get hurt so couple this American history with the fact that the Bible says nothing about dating it's no wonder people don't want to date and the Bible doesn't say anything about dating cuz it doesn't have an opinion on dating it doesn't say anything because dating wasn't a thing back in jesus's days so with our phrases like we're just talking we're hanging out we're hooking up is that this hooking up or this hooking up like what are we kind of talking about here or oh we're just seeing each other all of these phrases are interchangeable and very confusing what do you mean and so I want to put this in three sections today the Sermon I need all of your thinking caps on because I have a lot of content and I want you to walk out with practical handles the first thing we're gonna do is define dating what is dating then we're gonna talk about how to date which is the bulk of the message and then we're gonna talk about who to date so whether you are a single married widowed or single again hey we want you to have some practical handles to have good healthy conversations so I in looking and researching what dating is the first thing that I did was went to merriam-webster Webster's dictionary aka diction comm and this is the definition dating as establishing or ascertaining a date of an event well you're useless merriam-webster that doesn't help me at all so that I went to my favorite dictionary urban dictionary and it says this dating is like where two people who are kind of attracted together spend time together and see if they can stand around to be around each other most of the time and if that works and they're kind of successful at developing a relationship kind of maybe sorta real nebulous so for the sake of this series and this context I want us to define intentional dating if you're taking notes this is how we will talk about dating here for this series it is intentionally pursuing someone with the potential maybe of marrying them you're pursuing someone getting to know them with an end goal and as a byproduct of that angle indulging in marriage and marital marital benefits if you guys remain together and if it's a good fit that's intentionally dating it's very different to the world's way of dating we'll get into that in a second but I want to jump into how to date so that is what is dating now I want to talk about how to date and this is a huge topic in fact what is dating how to date and who to date could be independent sermons in of themselves but because of the nature of our church and there's different folks from different places different strokes in fact I want stories around how many single people are in the house can you raise your hand our church is by and large very single how many married people are in the house can you raise your hand how many people don't want to be married but are married don't raise your hand don't raise your hand do not get a fight on my count all right but because this topic is so big I realized I want to create a caveat for some of our single folks in the church so on Wednesday at 4 o'clock PST the father's house Facebook page we're gonna be hosting a live Facebook so we can dive deeper into some of these topics and answer some of the questions that you have but the first one if you're taking notes as I've whittled all of the important properties and principles of dating how to date and whittle it down to four that I think are gonna be beneficial for us to discuss as a house the first one is intentionality the second one is clarity the third one is strategy come on somebody and the last one is timely so if you're taking note pull out your pins pull out your notebooks pull out your iPhone's and the first one is intentionally let's root this in some scripture proverbs 16:9 says the hearts of humans plan their course but the Lord establishes their steps well what is that y'all there's the gameplan and an end goal if you decide to step into a relationship ask yourself why ask yourself oh this is super important hey you're gonna make a plan God's gonna confirm the steps the big question that we're now facing in our day and age in regards to dating is who initiates um if you've ever wondered who should initiate a date will you please raise your head oh come on church you know you're sitting here like I don't know should it be guys should have a girl should be me should be them I don't know well let me just give you some data cuz again I'm a data nerd eighty-eight percent in a secular research study said eighty eight percent of people believe that it is the man who should initiate the date with the woman don't yell at me talk about the research okay talk about Pew Research get upset with them so I decided to people clap praise God they're the single ladies like yes God so I decided to conduct my own poll and because that research was from 2017 and I won at 2020 so I hopped on my Instagram and I took a poll of people out of twelve thousand and seven people ninety-seven percent said that men that women should be asked out by man I'm gonna maybe be a little bit more progressive here and make a case scripturally for both proverbs says this a man who finds a wife finds a what well that indicates that a man initiates that so okay but then the Book of Ruth Ruth goes up to Boaz is she's like boo me up baby don't be a bozo make me your wife and like personally after selling the book he was an older gentleman might have been widowed himself so he probably thought that this hot Moabite outside her immigrant wouldn't be about him but she liked all people and baby I like meh old talk to okay like so he just needed a gentle nudge you know and then what happened he got a clue and he was like handle business the very next day he's at the city gate like yo you want this chick or not cuz she could be mine alright no a sociology professor out of Boston College here's the thing y'all I'm not saying anything that I feel is like I'm being prudish or I'm just just talking about the Bible I'm talking about modern research y'all we have a problem with relationships right now there's a sociologist out of Boston College and when I started reading her research I was like yes Queen you're talking to my heart right now so she's taking students coming in as freshmen and she teaches an entire semester course on what dating because she's seeing an entire generation fail miserably at relationships so much so that on her first lecture she actually gives them very practical principles on dating and she says this hey I believe that anyone can ask anyone out on a date but if you ask them you have to pay the person who asked pace somebody take note I'm giving you free Boston College research here also you set a start time and you show up on time and you shed you end it with an end time and you end it at that time don't go over no matter what even if like y'all are fighting each other and you're having fun you don't know what the other person is feeling and don't over oh don't over kill it you know because that other person just might be courteous and nice and like get me out of here say nope I'm gonna date myself and I don't care but I remember it was like one of my first dates and I didn't have a cell phone but I had a pager how many I'll remember pagers all right back in the day I clipped on my palette and everything it was so cute and I put my pager on this really bad first day on the I went to a cafe in uptown Whittier and I went and found a payphone who has three folks I found a payphone page myself came back and look I said oh it's my mom I gotta go don't put people into awkward situations okay you don't know if they're really having fun or they're just really nice at the time I didn't know how to say bye boy okay I gotta go so just be mindful put a start a start time and an end time leave them thirsty wanting more lastly she also said no she's not even a Christian and this is what she says there shouldn't be any physical touch more than an a-frame hug not a hug an a-frame hug why a sociologist professor out of Boston says the moment that physicality comes in it confuses and complicates things personally I Teeter like I want someone to ask me out that's just personal preference however I firmly believe that men and women alike if you want someone to pursue you or show interest you've got to put your light on I have this theory in New York how do you know if a taxicab is free their light is on here in LA and Orange County is an over light on okay so the question I ask you is how do you know if your uber is open and free the light is on how are people supposed to know that you're open and free and available you're sitting there all mean mugging and I don't talk to people you got to find your way to my heart I'm not gonna be that thirsty girl at church Sparkle that's your eyes laughs have a good time be kind floss your teeth you know like there's these basic things that can let people know that you are available you are single like a Pringle ready to mingle to the glory of God okay and maybe you're a woman here like I'm gonna take that advice let me just caution you don't go up to a guy and be like yo bro let me birth your babies want to go to dinner that's probably not a good tactic okay and a guy don't swerve swerve on a girl me like yo do you have my rib because you remind me of Eve have you read the book in numbers cuz I don't got yours you know no no nope nope no when you were asked on a date here's a couple things that we need to remember okay I'm just giving you practical handles practical handles all day I'm coming for you I'm throwing fast balls listen there is a difference between casual dating and intentional dating casual dating is you day multiple people have multiple days and multiple times a casual dating is is that there is no clear objective there is no angle and you're just like in it to kick it like what's good I'm about it what she's doing okay let's go kill time and and also casual and dating most likely includes random and unintellectual acts as a Christian now that woman now I'm gonna step away from research and casual dating as a Christian I'm not a joy kill I'm not a cosmic buzzkill God is not an up in heaven saying I hope you don't have sex you're gonna hear the absolute opposite sex is awesome sex is great sex is designed by God to bring people together and it's not just for procreation oh yes we have babies it's for recreation to to the glory of God yes your business handle yours have fun okay that's not what this is about I'm talking about um when sometimes we get into these relationships we as Christians can be weird and relationships are weird if you're weird if on the first date on the first day of intentional dating you were like girl I found me a Boaz i'ma led his way I'm gonna confess my love on the first day you are weird okay that's it if a guy's walking in like I found my proverbs 31 woman you're weird just just it's weird if you're weird and though the Bible doesn't have a lot to say about dating it has a lot to say about how we treat people so let's root this back in our theme anchor passage verse five of first Corinthians 13 says this do not dishonor others it is not self-seeking love doesn't dishonor and love is not self-seeking so within intentional dating you intentionally get to know someone this does not mean showing up on your first date with the laminated resume Oh you guys all these examples that I'm giving you I literally have heard them from single people okay this means do not show up on your first date talking about fertility cycles and your desire to have children because you can hear the tick-tick-tick of your biological clock okay a guy is gonna go running it does not mean it does not mean that even if you and the other person you're vibing each other it doesn't mean if you start talking about tropical vacations and your honeymoon naming your children and a white picket fence you've gone way too far it's weird if you're weird what does dating include it it does include asking probing questions what makes you interested in dating now where do you see yourself in ten years why what why are you in this season of your life why are you working at this job now ask probing questions we'll get into that more on the Facebook topic but what it also does mean is listening with your ears and your eyes listening with your ears we understand that but listening with your eyes as well hey if you're on a date put your phone away pay attention make eye contact in sociology and psychology they refer to this as mirroring if you're talking with somebody and they have a certain gesture their head nods their eyes blink you to mimic the same thing to let them know that you are emotionally tune with them that you're paying attention and that you're with them what it communicates because communication is 90% nonverbal is that you're interested in them it does not also dating includes and it does include being mindful of a way a person eats I get so annoyed with that like if they're like scarfing it like a starving Pig I'm like that's weird moves last time you ate you know or or how they treat the waitstaff if they're rude oh there is nothing that drives me crazy because you wanna have something the way that they treat the waitstaff is how they're gonna treat you in ten years you know and then also if you don't like their smell that's a big red flag now I give you these that last one the third one on smell is my personal one you have to figure out your non-negotiables y'all I have a very sensitive nose like I smell everything you walk by I can tell you your perfume I can tell you your lotion and I remember vividly a guy had asked me and I said yeah sure I mean this guy was like great potential love Jesus had a job has his teeth we're in business okay the barber Christian dating is real oh man and I was like yeah sure absolutely so he said hey I'm gonna pick you up from work but I got to swing by and pick up some stuff we were gonna go kayaking I said yeah sure so I get into his car and I was like uh smells kind of funky I chopped it up to maybe like a dirty gym bag or like a dead cat that's been in there for six months for some outer no I was like okay so then we go to his apartment I go and open the door and it hit me like a wave oh wow I was like oh my gosh it's him he smells like mothballs and vomit like I can't and you want to know something if somebody's breath is a big deal to you remember you don't want to be kissing with someone that has halitosis from hell okay like find out those things that you cannot deal with those your non-negotiables and intentional dating this is a beautiful thing if it doesn't work out there's potential to have bruised hearts and broken hearts but I have seen people gutted out of relationships ending even suicidal contemplating life contemplating the meaning of what they're here on earth to do and that is because from psychological research people have joined together in intimate ways that were never to be designed outside of the context of marriage science is just now catching up to what the Bible has said when people engage in sex there's a chemical reaction there is a bonding that happens between two individuals and without the safety of a covenant relationship you are literally messing your head up we did a whole talk on it's called the sex talk on YouTube we don't have time to unpack it today but check it out because we want people to do this well secondly if you're taking no is clarity let the person know where you are at when you talk about dating first Corinthians let's root this back in verse 6 it says this love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth can you have great conversations and be honest hey this is what you do you like someone say hey I'm interested you wanna go get coffee wanna go get lunch great a couple weeks later you have another clarifying conversation it could be guy or girl DTR define the relationship hey we've been going out we've been hanging out it's been fun I really like you I just wanna make sure we're on the same page are we like an excuse exclusive relationship and then 9 to 12 months later have a big DTR hey I don't want to waste time you know I don't want to waste my time your money likewise like are we in this for real like towards marriage do you see that clarity it's honest it's simple Ephesians 4 and 15 says that we are to speak the truth in love so listen listen listen when you speak the truth even if it hurts when you speak the truth it is love be honest with where you're at I'm so tired of these games that we're playing right now it's like if you go on a day you have to wait 42 to 78 it's 72 hour 48 to 72 hours later before you can reply so then you don't look thirsty or people are sliding into DMS because they don't have the cojones to ask somebody out directly I'm gonna call you out I'm coming for you today okay or when you like keep someone in like that not the a class not the be cast or the C class and you're like maybe and then the moment they strike to leave and you like reel them back in like no no I like you stop with the games and a quick note on people who have broken up remember clarity clarity clarity maybe I feel passionately about this because I worked in an anti-human trafficking organization but this was ingrained in our head repeatedly people are not property people aren't property Church if you all break up that doesn't mean that you own them and a lot of the things that I see within Christians subculture is that if somebody dates somebody no one else can date them even though you did it's like 17 years ago like no no no no you know what we are mature adults where we know who we are we know our value it's okay if you don't want me I may be too much for you but brother you ain't enough so I'm just gonna move on praise God right does it Bruce yes does it hurt yes but we need to be god-fearing adults okay we got to grow up now what if the church what if the church provided such healthy nomenclature in language for doing relationships well that people in the outside are like how are you still married how are you still friends how are you guys dating how are you guys doing this because we're adults because God has put his spirit of maturity inside of me and I'm not here to play little games lastly strategy first Corinthians 13 and back in our passage it's being loved always protects always trusts always hopes and always perseveres you know what this is a strategy if you aim at nothing you will hit nothing so think about this you might just meet different people and that's okay but figure it out now if you were a business entrepreneur and your goal is to have 200 employees and make lots of money and you're dating someone who wants to help children in the Republic of Congo read and live in a hut guess what you guys are diametrically opposed right now that doesn't mean that people can change but you have to walk in with the strategy do you want what I want you can't make a cake with one ingredient that person might have a really great attribute one great attribute she's so gorgeous he's so rich she has a great heart he is a great but that's only just one component of the recipe as only one component so do you have a strategy for dating and this word that he says it says protects and Trust in hopes and persevere he almost being really quickly on the subject boundaries I again I feel like I'm always like the buzzkill when it comes to sex and I'm telling you wait to have sex make up for lost time it's awesome God will bless it the person that you're dating if love is the person you're dating do they protect you do you trust them do you have hope are you persevering and the question that I always get around dating or how far is too far like what's the edge you know how far can I go I'm not getting in trouble how long on the line can I go and dance vigorously audio without getting in trouble you know what I'm gonna say is where's the line to take a step back because there might be a gust to win on a Friday night at ten o'clock when you're both horizontal in your laps and you both get in trouble you know what I say hey be careful be careful use wisdom I'll be talking about this Facebook live on Wednesday but if vision says there should be no hint of immorality well I don't know you filmed the blink and so if your question is how far is too far I'm gonna ask you a different question what's the motive of your heart because your motive of your heart is to get as much as you can from that person with no guarantee of marriage no promise no promise there ain't no guess what your heart is jacked you have to ask yourself what is the motive of my heart's consummation comes after covenant sex comes after marriage okay I've long I've taught so much on this topic and I thought long and hard and it just feels so like I'm so done talking about it in a serious way and so I spoke to a couple of people on the creative team and I was like I have this vision like I just want something a phrase that people will remember in moments that like heated passion you know it's getting on you got very white in the back genui it's on your car stereo it's coming at you in both ways in all generations right I want you to remember this raise think of your pastors face Hannah please please show us the video do you know how to stay pure think of your pastor space being in between you are you leaving room for the whole stint in relationships do you know that the daylight will always leave room for daylight in between your significant others also think of your pastor space [Music] no daylight no problem never late for soccer and think of your pastor's face even when you feel tempted to touch body part the day of life doesn't cease just think of your pastors page so friends I just want to remind you when your attempted pastor Mets blue eyes are like hi guys what are you doing and I'm right that hey guys what's going on think of your pastor's face alright security safety safety belt for you hate side note the couple in that video they're married no judgment thank you to Karla and Rihanna for being awesome okay and if you're sitting here and maybe you've gone too far and you feel like you've given yourself to so many people and you feel like you're jacked up in fact you feel so broken that you don't even know how to be in relationship you feel disqualified for a relationship let me just speak really clearly to your heart we serve a God who forgives and because he forgives you flushed that trash down the toilet you know it's like the enemy is coming after you saying you made a mistake you are a mistake you're a loser always be a loser and you just need to stop that God is calling you and wooing you back and he wants to make you whole you want to take the pieces of your broken heart that feel like shards of broken glass on the floor and put them back together because that's the God that we serve lastly it's timely timely there's this common theme that we hear in the Book of Psalms of Solomon as songs Solomon though the writer Solomon says do not awaken love before it is time if you rush into things or if you enter into things too fast hey you might ruin it if you've ever tried to open up a rose prematurely do you know that you will not only bruise the beautiful petals but you will actually kill the rose you're gonna need wisdom and the wisdom of others to help you discern when the right time is Ecclesiastes 3:1 says this for every time there's there's a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens there's a time to meet someone there's a time to get to know them there's a time to date there's a time to get married so there's two things that we need to remember here God's will and God's time if you try to rush it you might ruin it rushing leads to ruining hold on to that and you might be with you might be in a season we were like well how do I know if this is the right time today I put together a basic mathematical equation for you this is my dating equation the right person and the wrong time is the wrong relationship the wrong person and the right time it's the wrong relationship the wrong person and the wrong time that is definitely a wrong relationship but the right person at the right time is a right relationship this ends with the final point of who to date I'm gonna make this as quick as possible and I've combined these three points that I want you to jot down compatible responsible and intentional second Corinthians 6:14 says this do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers so Paul is talking about hey be careful about who you're in light a lot who you are in alignment width right so he's talking about a spiritual sense but and he's not talking about dating but I want to take a powerful biblical principle and apply it to our life think about if if you're compatible emotionally with someone if you are dating someone and they fly off the handle and you're like steady Eddie even-steven that's gonna be really hard do not be unequally yo just think about that in the pros of dating what about relationally are you an introvert that likes to stay home and watch Netflix on a Friday night or are you out with a party I'm gonna have 17 kids this might this might throw a balance out of equilibrium so we have to ask these questions hey what what do you want are we aligned and this understanding of being unequally yoked it's actually a farming term where they would take two ox and two ox and put them in a yoke it's a head looks like a headlock a wooden headlock and if there's one ox that's bigger and stronger they're gonna do all the work so Paul is saying hey don't be unequally yoked with someone and I feel like in dating sometimes we like oh well we can change them they can change people can change in microwaves but they vary they rarely change in macro ways small changes but not big changes and before we know what people hop into dating and hop into marriage and they're like that's not the person I dated you didn't know them long enough this this topic is so huge and again we're gonna talk about this on Wednesday but some questions to ask are are they responsible do they have a job are you unlined for the visions of your future and your family are you financially aligned with how you want to live your life do you want to rent an apartment in a beach hut or do you want to own a mansion those things will cause issues in your dating relationship the beauty of dating is that you slowly can unravel and get to know somebody and then decide if you want to get married that's the point of dating and listen if you're dating you are not married and if you are engaged you need to hear me you are not married you are not married until you are at the altar and say I do and I firmly believe that sometimes we get into these sticky situations what we've dated for three years this person knows me I booked a hall and a caterer for our wedding I have our wedding dress no no no if you are sensing any red flags get out real quick because the moment that you say I do it's done it is absolutely done and I confess this I confess my trespasses amongst the Brethren like James tells me to do the first two years of my marriage with Matt it was very difficult in fact I remember not once not twice but thrice screaming you marry with me you are stuck with me because we don't believe in divorce in our household as I said last week we don't believe in divorce but we do contemplate murder okay we are in it for life when you say yes to that person you are with them for life and Matt and I have we have different cultural backgrounds we have different even theological beliefs when we first started dating in questions and us growing and maturing together but what I noticed about this man the number one thing that I loved about him he had a peppered past he had a broken heart and he was healing out of that God was doing amazing things but the number one thing that I saw about this man that I knew we were gonna be compatible was because he had a heart passionate for Jesus and when looking at who he should date can you find someone that makes you be a better Christian a better Christ follower you inspire me you challenge me you you you motivate me to fall more in love with God if that is all that you got if that's the only thing going in your favor that's good enough I firmly I really believe that I'm not even kidding you know wisdom will say hey have everything in alignment but I'm just saying the number one thing for me for me imma tell you I believe is having someone that is drawing closer to Jesus Christ if you're married here I just want to make sure that you are not completely left out of this equation because my fear in hearing about all these how to's is that you're like I done did it wrong like I'm in mistake my cake is burned it's dry it's been in the cupboard for far too long I mean there's like moths coming out of it the good news is that your stale cake is good for something dr. Esther Perel she's a sex therapist says that in humanity we change and develop every 10 years so if you are in your marriage and you're like I don't even know this person anymore guess what you're not the same person and they're not the same person what would it look like to date a new person to fall in love with that person all over again go on dates with that person pursue that person but love with that person romance that person okay and I'm not saying that this should be like relegated to men I'm talking to women as well you can pick up the phone you can call your husband you could be like baby I'm taking you on a date in fact I did that this week I called my husband I said I would like to take you on a date I made reservations I set the time I sent him the calendar request and because I know my husband does not like makeup I'm or no make of a t-shirt and jeans and he was like this is awesome this is awesome weird Germans hey women make a date plan a date shave your legs look hot okay do the face do the things if your marriage gets old and stale you need to reinvent it if you're sitting here and you're cracked and you're dry and you're tired I've got great news for you we serve a God who can reinvent and reinvigorate and renew all the broken parts of your life let me tell you something in 1991 a young Baker had started a bakery she had new ovens and she was trying to figure out how the temperature of the ovens would work and the pigs were either under baked or over baked and she didn't want to waste all of the cake batter and the cake that had been cooked so what does she begin to do she took parts of the cake crumbled it up put it in a bowl she made frosting and put frosting in that bowl she mixed it together slowly but surely forming cake balls in her hand she put a stick in it and dipped it into frosting she didn't rolled that cake pop with with sprinkles and she was the first person to invent and sell cake pops God can take the broken dry cracked pieces of your marriage and he can reinvent you renew you restore your marriages into something that is so delicious everyone loves and if you're sitting here and you're single I want to let you know that you are worth more than a microwavable cake cup maybe I declare over you in the name of Jesus that you are a custom-made cake with the freshest and most organic ingredients and when you are mixed together with a person that you are in love with you're gonna create a batter and that batter is gonna go through some heat it's gonna go through the oven and if you make it it isn't frosted with love and decorated and pipe to perfection then when you get married we all stand back and say des that looks good that's what I want for this house that's what I'm believing for this house and we're gonna do something in a second and invite you into a relationship with Jesus but before we do that it's painting the band again just to sing over us this is what I want in this moment a moment of honesty because it's one thing to talk about relationships that's one thing to laugh about relationships but I want us to own where we are at in this journey the moment that we acknowledge where our heart is we take a temperature of our heart God can be cut we can come in and do something new so masks very honest question if you are single in this room and you just feel really isolated and alone I just wanna let you know I empathize with you it's almost like I can feel your sadness and your isolation and your loneliness and so what we're gonna do in the house of God is we're gonna pray for you so will you just do me a favor just so that no one feels wigged out or uncomfortable will you bow your head and close your eyes you are single in this space and you were wanting God to bring you a spouse a mate a BFF a road dog a partner will you raise your hands so that we can pray for you [Music] God we come before you and I pray for every single single person in this house first and foremost Lord God your word says our completion doesn't come in a mate or no spouse our completion comes from you so in this moment make these people complete may they completely fill the completing love of a complete and whole God wrap them up in your arms and fill hold and made new cleansed and washed beautiful in the sight of you and God if it's your will if it's your time will you bring the perfect mate the perfect spouse but let them know God that their mission their Commission isn't dependent on someone else it's on them so as we discuss this next week I pray that you begin right even now to prepare their hearts for the word next week in Jesus name and if you're here today I know the topic wasn't about marriage but I believe that sometimes we can kick ourselves for saying I wish I knew that earlier I wish I would have I wish I would have I wish I would have been now you are five six seven fifteen years in and you're like I got a dang cake pop I got a dang cake Cup I'm tired of this I want to pray a freshness over your marriage I want to pray a passion over your marriage I want to pray a deep lust for your significant other an alignment of vision and alignment of heart a sexual alignment that God can take the burnt and broken pieces the dry piece the crack face pieces and make something deliciously beautiful with your head boughs there I'd closed if you're that married person in here you're like I just need freshness for God to transform my marriage when you raise your hand [Music] god I pray for every single marriage I pray for every single husband and wife that is desiring more of you in their marriage God I am praying for unity where the enemy comes in and it's like hollering sex is boring sex is bad I want I went to a little silence the mouths of the enemy and I want you to bring such a passion and a lust god I am believing for heated divine encounters between marital unions I'm praying for bonds that are emotional bonds that are psychological bonds that are physical violent our spiritual God to bring these marriages even tighter and closer together I pray for a freshness a passion a lust and a love and so God we're gonna put a praise on it in this moment we're gonna give you our praise we're gonna give you our love in Jesus name hi my name is Chelsea thank you for watching the father's house Oh see YouTube channel but don't stop here be sure to subscribe below so you don't miss out on a single service you can also support this ministry by clicking the give now button to help us continue reaching and inviting people around the world to discover freedom and life in Jesus thank you again for watching god bless [Music] you

Channel: The Father's House OC

Views: 38,049

Rating: 4.9581995 out of 5

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Id: A8_R4IMWGCc

Length: 45min 30sec (2730 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 09 2020