Modern Romance: As Long as You Love Me | Pastor Bianca Olthoff

oh well welcome to the father's house we are so excited that you are here for week three of modern romance I am very yes yes all the single people are like praise God I've been waiting for this we are so excited you're here if you have been with us in the first two weeks so if you haven't iTunes YouTube Spotify you could download the messages to catch up but in the brief synopsis that we have in this moment I just cannot move forward addressing the foundational concepts that we unpacked week 1 week 1 I realized that if you've never read the book of songs of songs we encourage you to do that I love teaching it exegetically which basically means just verse by verse because it is some good stuff up in there but here's what we unpacked there's two ways that people interpret this book there is a literal way of that it is an actual man and an actual woman writing an actual song to document an actual relationship and then there's an allegorical way where some theologians people who study the Bible believe that it is almost as if it's God's love letter to us I've never taught at the allegorical way I like the juicy stuff I like the dating relationships sex off affirmations the whole thing I'm like give me some of that know they love stuff yes but I realize that there is this beautiful connection that happens when we are able to uncover God's love for us so the two foundational concepts that we unpack this you will never be able to wholly love someone until you are wholly loved by a holy God and that was holy as an aw hol ly the whole totality of you until you were loved by holy God and then secondly it's realizing that God has a plan for us and he can redeem even the broken parts of our lives last week Matt had spoken a little bit about his story going through the divorce and betrayal and yet coming through on the other side so this is what we're gonna pick this up and today we're going straight to the very beginning of the book I love it I grew up Baptist Oh which is like kind of Baptist and then kind of Pentecostal which is basically like the charismatic with a safety valve and raised in a very conservative household so topics like sex and dating and sexuality it just really felt taboo like things that we shouldn't talk about but it wasn't until I taught out of the book of songs of songs that I realized wait a minute the Bible has so much to say on dating and romance and sexuality and yet we turned over the narrative to marketing movies and media and we have been hijacked and sold a faulty bill of goods we are being lied to day in and day out of what sexuality and romance is supposed to be like so I want to hijack that message back in the words of the philosopher Justin Timberlake I'm bringing sexy back all right say I didn't warn you amen so what we see here is King Solomon documenting this relationship and in this book it's laden with romance and attraction and sex and sexuality and I want us to redeem that message in here tonight in light of the biblical truth so I was in youth ministry for eight years and we had like a conversation with some teenagers and of course that conversation always led to like dating because teenagers and one of the girls in our small group as we were talking about this she was sitting there a little nervous getting a little white and pasty and she just her glasses excuse me my mother says it's inappropriate to talk about subjects like this and my internal carnal voice was like well your mama's dumb but my my my my oh my when good Christian voice was like bless your heart okay here's the thing I remember feeling like talking about these things felt like like church ladies we have like a stank face like we shouldn't talk about those things you know just leave that to later but the problem is is that we're sending people off into relationships and marriage ill-equipped to handle this or wrestling with feelings of like shame like I shouldn't feel this way why do I feel this way and beating ourselves up yet if we get to appropriate back the good sexual sexuality relationships and dating advice that we see throughout the Bible it changes it it and so I love here in songs of songs we turn with me and your Bible open it up to chapter one you know what I love every time I nag you guys about bringing your Bibles you actually bring them I'm so excited and here at TF hoc we are Bible teaching Church so if you have a Bible guess what we fancy we love you we got a Bible for you in the words of Jesus are in red which means it's a good one okay as we open up God's where it looks pretty really quick father God we love you bless this mess amen song the song chapter 1 starting in verse 2 let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth for your love it's more delightful than wine that's a good place to start a Bible study ah listen if you've been with us you know that I love teaching the Bible like it's a novella it's scratch and sniff it's come to life it's 3d the characters are out there popping and lock and looking at you and I could smell them and see them in my mind's eye as weird we're gonna see this girl was a field worker hmm she's got some hood streets this girl we're gonna read I'm gonna back that up with some theology some scriptures we're gonna read this a little dark-skinned huh so you know she's maybe little that's a little street cred she's got some attitude maybe maybe if you were to put a character around this I want to see the Bible to come alive in light of this character it might sound a little bit like let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth okay cuz his love your love is more delightful than wine pleasing are the fragrance of your perfumes not the ahh de Toilette we fancy the parfum hmm your name is like perfume pour it out no wonder the young women love you take me away with you let Atari let the king bring me into his chambers and then her click her crew her posse her homies what do they reply back with hey girl hurry we rejoice and delight in you we will praise your love more than wine turn up for your marriage girl how do you read your Bible yeah but but for real I want us to get into the pages of Scripture because God's Word is active and alive and sharper than any two-edged sword to pierce bone and marrow and that's what I want to happen in here today so a song of songs is one of Solomon's best works and this theologians believe that in verses 2 through 4 what we just read is this older couple looking back at their life looking back at the relationship and celebrating the fact that they still are about each other whoa I love this in verse 2 verse 2 is revolutionary because this is Scripture we see in the Bible kissing wine perfume I mean it's already going crazy you're this shows us God cares about romance and attraction it's important to him we feel no shame we should not feel any shame around this topic but excitement you know it's okay to be attracted to someone you're not less spiritual if you're attracted to someone and you know what I love this this this this portion of Scripture is so phenomenal because the people who say well the Bible is misogynistic and oppressive of women um friends who starts the narrative conversation a woman good answer Bible scholars yeah that's right okay who initiates intimacy a woman who affirms their spouse a woman so for whoever is selling you this faulty bill goods say that the Bible is oppressive depressive oppress on women no Jesus Christ was the greatest liberator and I love this because Solomon is documenting the beauty the leadership the authority and the attraction the sexuality of his wife and they have been attracted to each other for some theologians believe a number of years they've been in relationship and community so here's one thing that you need to know attraction is not hedonistic or Haven stick now I don't want you to go out and hit on somebody be like what be good Bianca says it's okay no no no no we're gonna clarify something real quick okay there is a difference between attraction and lust thank you thank you Justin I will baby boom yes so attraction is I can look at my husband and say you are six one like I've fair skin you got your teeth brother you find you come attracted to me right I got a thing for T so I wanted to Emil but a lust lust if we were to personify it would be some guy walking down the street some girl walking down the street Oh baby break me off a piece of that can I get some fries with that shake shake booty all right so that is lust what does it look like for us to define attraction versus lust and if you it's so important you have got to be attracted to the person that you're dating eventually married this is the last person you guys need their birthday so you better like them all right and you want or something this is important to God in the book of Genesis the very first book in chapter 2 we see Adam C II for the very first time is she naked and she doesn't say she doesn't he doesn't say Wow someone to help me turn the garden he doesn't say I bet she has a wonderful personality no he says bone of my bone flesh of my flesh I will call you woman you know I loved about that when I was studying and preparing for this bone is internal and flesh is external from the internal to the external he was about her this is good stuff I need y'all to just a minute say come on take me to church cuz I will okay here we go and in addition to this I recognize that when preparing this message that there's gonna be single people and married people and things and couples in between so I'm gonna address the room as a whole the problem with this conversation if you're single you're about that life like yes I want to be attracted to that person yes I'm gonna have great sexuality but if you're married maybe married a couple years you might be listening to this message and thinking like but I just don't love my spouse anymore you know that was shower or no shave don't brush your tooth you know I just lost that loving feeling what we need to kind of recognize is that attraction and Roman I'm glad y'all think I'm funny tonight praise Jesus that attraction and romance isn't just physical and the conversation I have primarily with women I don't want a gender typecast or anything like that but primarily with women you know they have these amazing expectations that are a little crazy like well what do you what is romance mean to you I want rose petals and horseback riding on the beach at sunset and over a hot air balloon ride this ain't bachelor season 22 okay we have to redefine what romance and attraction look like and and here's another thing when we talk especially in marriage relationships is that we get to define what is romance and what is attraction because if we don't define it we're allowing other people there Instagram feed YouTube videos movies 50 shades of whatever color to determine what romance sex and attraction looks like so for me Matt and I have very different backgrounds very different ethnic backgrounds I'd like super loud and passionate and crazy and he's organized like some Germans that he isn't mmm I know he's welcome you know and and and so I sometimes do feel like I have to draw it out of him like baby do you love me like you really really love me and as I was preparing for this message I realized that I had let others determine what is romance a couple months ago I was preaching at a conference in London and I mean I was going in let's preach the paint off the walls like I want it to move people because hell is on the doorstep and you ain't got time and return her burn like I was going in right and it was the room was full and it was so hot and I was preaching in a leather jacket just bless my heart you know like what was I thinking but I couldn't take off my jacket because I was afraid that you'd be able to see like beads of sweat trickle down my back and I was like okay just just hang in there so I walk off the stage and I sit down and I'm literally sweating like TD jakes in a hot flash all right I am like just perspiring I mean I had to literally like peel my bangs off of my forehead and I was like just keep it together and Matt is next to me and all of a sudden I hear this in that moment I was like that was the most sexiest thing you have ever done for me because Here I am looking at my worst and that is romantic when someone can see you at your worst and still want you to feel like your best come on look at verse 3 amen yeah he's taking move on okay verse 3 pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes your name is like perfume poured out no wonder don't wonder that young women love you she thinks he's hot but even his name is pleasing more than perfume it's not like a little Deb it's perfume poured out have you ever dropped perfume spilled perfume you know it just stays for a really long time it's that linger Oh what would it like to date someone whose name lingers in a good way an ancient world bathing wasn't that common so cologne was a very useful and popular thing and in addition to this names your name was wasn't just an identifier your name was a prophetic foretelling of your destiny or something that was going to happen about your character in your character and here she's saying your name your name is virtue your name is character the the word that that is translated for name here is cross so if the note takers you're gonna want to write this down because this means edged out as in like you're carving something out of stone so come water and wind and sleet that matching is not going to change your name is carved out so I mean hallelujah for hotness but those who think that attraction is all there is it's not it's also a great name a name that will not fade away a name that doesn't care about what's going on it transcends mood and whim and here's the thing abs and biceps we're gonna fall away but the name remain so again specifically for the married people in the room what does it look like to rediscover the name that maybe jealousy or bitterness or anger resentment has covered what does it look like to go and find your spouse's name if you're dating if you're dating you're gonna want to know their name not the name they tell you Bob Jim Jose Sergio no no you wouldn't want to know their name the name there's a prophetic foretelling of who they will become because I see these whirlwind bromances where it's just like two months in six weeks in five minutes in I found my bow ass praise God yes my p31 my proverbs 31 boo boo up yeah like you're about that life but you don't know who they are go through the season see them go through a death see them go through a loss see them go through trial and tribulations see them get angry time will tell the true named single women single men Cougars on the prowl sugar daddies what does it look like and everyone in the room okay what does it look like to discover the name etched in stone with the person that you are in relationship with take yo time do you know their name and bi I talk to people and they're like I just can't believe it we just loved each other and we dated for five minutes and we got married because the Lord told us to and I just don't know what happened girl you don't know his name you didn't know he didn't floss and had halitosis for hell you didn't know that you've got to take your time take your time to get to know their name so there's two things out of this passage that we're gonna pull out if you're taking know two things that King Solomon recognizes as important the first one is respect look at verse three no wonder the young women love you if you were attracted to someone not only should you respect him but your community should respect them too she spoke about his carazzo his true name and recognized that it brought a sense of respect from the community look at the verse it says the maidens love you meaning hey everyone sees how amazing you are but you are mind this girl is the envy of her friends now if you're the only one that likes your significant other ask yourself why this is why our community groups are so important because you go in your community groups and you pray and you get to introduce people if your community's like moon spirits check this guy is off or you know spirit egg that girl's crazy her collar line and her waist line for her clothing meet at the same pies and know she's a little hoochie you know you have to be careful about that and you may be looking at this girl and thinking like oh dang she's hot yeah she's a good night but she's not a good legacy what does it look like to have your community speak into always gonna get worse than that what does it look like to have others speak wisdom into your life there's worse things than being single like being married to the wrong person you know okay here we go so Abbey Shaw's friends speak up and support this union they're about this relationship and this man Solomon he is the man that we want our sons to become we want our daughters to date this is this amazing man so instead of looking for like a six for brother with light eyes and a Bentley and eight pack like Michael B Jordan what does it look like to find what is attractive different from what the world tells us you want to know what's sexy a brother with a job okay you want to know what's romantic a man who compatibilist and herbs are just off the wall we're gonna get into that and let later that's just for fun I brought some fun Z's okay some freeze these and funsies we got the ten commandments of dating at the end praise God okay and here's the reason why this is so important it's because we're teaching people how to be attracted to each other like oh they're hot and they're hot and let's make it happen no no no we have to teach people what to look for in relationships and I say this all the time because I talk to women and I asked them two very important questions and I usually come back with women who do not want to end a relationship I will ask them why are you with him just so hot but he doesn't love Jesus so he may be hot but so is hell if he's not loving the Lord tell him boy bye okay and the second thing is does a brother gotta Jo B this is important because it shows responsibility we can go we're gonna go there later we're gonna go there later okay the second thing that we see in this Jack's is confidence so we were in talking about attraction we talked about romance there is nothing more attractive than confidence men and women of the house you could be rich you could be tall you could be educated good-looking but how but if you are not confident how will people be attracted to you if you're not even attracted to yourself how will people love you if you hate yourself what does that look like no studies studies secular studies like academic studies show that based on conversation and chemistry alone even people who were considered to be less attractive than like the mass media standards and yet had a sense of confidence they drew in more friendships more job offers and more relationships and in the hood this is referred to as swag in French its genetic Wow in Hebrew it's like that God confidence you know like listen I may not be the tallest I may not be the thinnest but I'm an anointed child of God and I know what I bring to the table I got that God confidence that God confidence in the first chapter Abba Shaw's courage and I'm sure speaks to this courage and this confidence even in the midst of her own insecurities we're gonna pick this up look at verse 5 she said dark mi yet lovely daughters of Jerusalem dark like the tents of Kedar like the tent curtains of Solomon do not stare at me because I'm dark because I'm darkened by the Sun my mother sons were angry with me and made me take care of my vineyards my own vineyard I had to neglect tell me you whom I loved were you grazed your flocks and where you rest your sheep at midday why should I be like the veil women beside your flocks of your friends now there's a part of her body that she loves and there's parts that she's embarrassed by this beautifully displays the tension that most women feel she wants to be single sexy and sanctified but there's this part of her that feels very insecure and I feel i'ma speak to the women of the house whether married or single young or old I feel like we can cover cellulite with Spanx but it doesn't hide the insecurities that we feel and we could nip and tuck and freeze and lift but it doesn't prevent us from feeling the pain of rejection and we can wear makeup but it doesn't cover our fear and we could try to hide and yet feel so exposed so men men be gentle with us she we know that she's into here because in verse 6 she tells her love not to look at her don't look at me look at me I'm dark she says that her skin is like dark like the tents of Kedar now with some research I geeked out about this cuz I'm a word nerd y'all I am and the tents of Kedar was a Bedouin tribe that grew dark sheep black sheep so their wool was black and their tents were very very dark and then she says like the tent curtains of Solomon's Temple well what color was that purple I mean she a dark sister remember I told you she was right but you know what they say the darker the berry the sweeter the juice okay cuz Solomon knew that right here and in the ancient Near East the most valuable thing listed that was funny okay an ancient ear he eats a woman's skin was a very prized possession the lighter you were the more indicated it you didn't have to work like you lived a life of luxury and she he or she saying don't stare me because I'm dark darkened by the Sun so by and large she's very self-conscious look at verse 6 the second part my mother sons were angry with me and made me take care of my vineyards my own vineyard I had to neglect so here there's this beautiful play on words remember this is a poem so the cadence and the tenor that's like a soliloquy it's just Shakespearean sonnet and she's using the vineyard in two ways one as her job and two as her body mmm so this this reference I don't know if you caught this in verse 7 where she says I don't want to be like those veiled women well this is a reference to prostitutes who would follow Shepherds during their time and sell their body essentially she's saying I'm insecure and I love you but I will only go so far Oh what boldness what confidence that this woman possessed you don't need love it was relevant during that time and it's relevant even today it's important it's a conversation that we don't like to talk about and here's the thing there is no judgment in the house of God I will not judge you I'm here to love you and point you to a man named Jesus at the same time Matt and I are spiritually responsible to dispense the Word of God and God's Word says no ringy no dingy okay well that's the Biv to Bianca International but it says do not have sex before marriage as my purity sock in one sentence right there I love it okay and here here she's saying I'm not gonna cross those lines I taught this book and I was so impacted by it I was a made a decision that as a kid that I was going to wait to have sex until I got married and you know it's cute to say that at 14 and it's like kind of admirable at 18 and then when you graduate college it's just weird like I'm thinking why and then when she hit you know 25 or 30 then you just look odd you just look like so weird like something's clearly wrong with him but I remember being in college and I was having this conversation with a group of lacrosse players and the head said wait wait you're a virgin and I said yeah they're like yeah but but you don't know what you're gonna experience you know when we date and when we sleep with someone we get to figure out how that ride is and how far we can go and what we do and I said hmm okay let's carry that metaphor all the way through in a couple years you're gonna find yourself as some brokedown janky used car dealership with a half working car and the days of my husband marries me he's gonna get a drop-top loked out BMW a big Mexican woman okay with their own mileage all right to the glory of God this is what I'm talking about no Abba Shah had all the confidence and she said I love you but I Know Who I am and I know my Worth and I'm not gonna be like those people I'm not gonna be like those women I'm worth more I would love for the body of Christ both men and women to know that you are worth more don't give yourself away for so cheap no no I it's more than I was having conversation with a girl and she was just like yeah but he was pressuring me to have sex he took me to a steak dinner and I'm like a steak dinner a steak dinner with maple glazed carrots no boo-boo you need these carrots okay that's what you're going for you wait you wait for God's best and got my bliss so what does this mean for us today in romance and attraction hromas an attraction is good and ordained by God there's no shame that he has there for us an attraction and romance is more than just physical its internal and external and attraction romance is needed and healthy sexual relationships so here my heart for men of the house and men of this church and those watching online is for you to love honor and respect women in your life Solomon is revered as one of the most wisest men in the secular and sacred world why is this man and I believe it's because he knew how to communicate to so many people in such profound ways so men fathers brothers cousins and co-workers choose your words lightly choose your words carefully proverbs 18 don't choose your word lightly choose your words carefully proverbs 18:21 says this there is life and death in the tongue and you know what whether you realize it or not it was demonstrated by my pastor last week on this platform Matt was sharing his story and after the the divorce and the infidelity and all the stuff that was going on he sensed that he said I felt like God had promised me that there was something bigger and better on the horizon and I said over here and I was like hey yeah I'm the fulfillment and in his quickness he said yes bigger and better and he caught himself and he said no better and better but y'all don't know is my husband knows that my weight is my trigger and he caught himself not to put me on blast in front of anyone feeling the insecurities that I do standing in front of people every single week what a man what a man what a mighty good man what a mighty good man let me take a minute or two to get much respect to just kidding all right be a man who honors cherishes and loves women whether you were attracted to or not you're a child of God and they're a child to God honor them well for the ladies in the place with style and grace my heart for you is that you learn sister Abbie saw that you may not be beautiful to the world standards but you don't have to be chosen by man to be chosen by God do not let the value of someone else make you feel less than unchosen or unwanted there is a God who's in the vineyard and he calls you you who are dark and unlovely you who've been ignored you who've been abused and come to me chosen one lily of the valley I choose you so in a remaining time together for those specifically that are single I'm gonna just give these are mine these are mine ten dating Commandments and here's the thing if you're married to here you're like oh I can tune out now no you can't you want to know why because there's people in your life that are single and if you don't have loving great wit wise answers to give them then they're gonna turn to the world and that's just hot mess Express so what does the word of God say well God's word is a silent on at the act of dating because the act of dating happened occurred in 1940s and it was an American phenomenon that spread across the world so what we do as Bible teachers and expositors of God word is that we take principles based out of God's Word and adapt it to a modern context can I get an amen okay number one if you are married or single young or old widowed divorce you need to know this you don't need to have a significant other to be significant you've got to let that think in singleness is not a curse singleness is not a disease singleness is not a problem that the church has to fix your singleness doesn't make you less than marriage isn't the prize for you being better or more beautiful marriage is a gift from God but marriage isn't the goal you are complete in Jesus Christ Colossians 2:10 and I know that it might be maybe you're sitting here in the same way when I was single and I would hear people talk about this like wait for the one I kissed aid and goodbye and I'm like yeah because you're married but I wasn't always married and I didn't get married until later on in life and there's the sadness that sweeps over men and women when singing everyone's life change except your own you go through these shifts like college graduations turn two wedding announcements and then that turns into wedding invitations and then that turns into baby party invitations and you're still there single and alone eating appetizers and hors d'oeuvres in the corner wondering why everyone keeps asking you while you're still single begging God for the hour to go by so you can get in your car and cry I begged God never let me forget this pain because the church is comprised of 60% singles and we've relegated them so late well one day when your boo comes and your life is gonna be complete it's it's not it's really not it's awesome and it's great and it's hard work but the prize isn't marriage the prize is you stepping into who God has called you to be in this season and so my word for the singles in the houses maximize this single season of singleness you know what I realized I was like okay statistically speaking again I'm a data nerd okay so it's just that they speaking I quite possibly are not gonna get married the more educated a female is and the older she is the less likely she is to get married I realized I said you know what I'm not gonna wait until there's a ring on my finger to like live my life I said I'm gonna travel so I traveled the globe alone I went to graduate school and graduated top of my class in graduate school I did something that I wouldn't have been able to do if I was married I served in youth ministry for eight long years and I gave them everything the beautiful thing about that is you don't know the seeds that you harvest in different seasons because here in this house there are kids that are now adults that are part of TF hoc from the youth group that I served in maximize your single your season of singleness and Paul speaks to this really quick up beautifully he tells people in in first corinthians 7:8 now to the unmarried and the widows i say it's good for them to stay unmarried as I do so in this season don't focus on what's next focus on what's now and how are you gonna maximize that pointe-noire to don't pursue a relationship unless you're in a place to pursue a healthy and maintain a healthy relationship so let's say that you're in med school or you're in law school you're in grad school your focus is to graduate and do well hey not be the season for you to try to invest or start something new now if you're currently in a relationship that's something different if you are coming out of drug abuse or alcohol addiction or some sort of addiction hey it's probably not the season for you to engage in a relationship if you can't be responsible to pay your bills on time you can't wash your laundry you don't clean your car and you survive off of flaming hot cheetos you're probably not ready to get married yeah but I want someone to help take care of me you're looking for a mom not a wife okay time we gotta grow up that's lovely I don't know why y'all you know it's all the things that you are thinking right okay look point number three be reasonable with your expectations we can if we have to be honest about this because I talk to girls and here two things they're like I'm single and I'm waiting and all of a sudden a brother who might as well be Jesus comes up and introduces themselves and then I hear things like well he has facial hair or two shirts like are you kidding me you have a great option what's your problem the other you know the other side of that is I meet men and women and I'm like well why are you in this relationship it's not healthy it's not good and it boils down to the fact like well they asked me out we are standards can't be so high that they're unattainable and yet so low that like we don't put any value on us and I'm a loving word to the men of the house I mean I hear men and I wonder what planet are you on you know like yeah like I want a dime piece I want a 10 in a lay face with the Oakland booty boom boom no no and I'm sitting here thinking you wanted him a brother you're a to like let's let's have some conversation what does it look like what does it look like to have honest conversation it's the truth y'all it's the truth what does it look like to have honest conversations with those in our community I have conversations my best friend is on the front row and we have this conversation where we rated air our spirituality on a scale of one to ten what would you give me on a scale of 1 to 10 what would you give my emotional stability on a scale of 1 to 10 what would you give my physical maintenance of working out in health mats or stuff you know what they gave me for my emotional stability you wish you knew okay I just pray for them I just pray for them they gave me a to y'all I'm soaked so I went to Jesus about it I prayed and I fasted and then I got married so like bless Matt's heart was he had to deal with it boy number four a date is not dating it's just a coffee date not a marriage proposal all right we put so much on this I remember Briana's sitting on the front row when when Matt asked me out to coffee I freaked out I was texting her blowing up her phone I called him I was like oh my gosh this guy's in Orange County is like asking me out to coffee she's like it's coffee you're 28 like do something about it you know so what does it look like if we just take the pressure off of a date dating a date is not dating and here's the thing with a date you're gonna go out with someone you're gonna keep the date under 90 minutes if you invite them you pay for it you end the night with an a-frame hug not a full hug and a frame hub and you keep it PG and here's the thing you might be sitting you're thinking like so Victoria that's so old-school you legalize it's actually not research coming out of Boston College it's talking about how this generation my generation the next generation after that do not know how to date and we have date synonymous with sex and we're ruining relationships people are getting it wrong that's secular data coming out of Boston College now a little tidbit if you take if you invite someone on a date don't take them to a club don't take them to a movie don't take them to a concert because you want to have a conversation you want to get to know them you want to get to know their name amen yes in addition to that if you were really interested in someone don't take them to a place where there's a walk up counter and you eat your dinner with a spork okay you're gonna want to have like a real napkin and a great meal in addition to that think about when you ask a person out do the most do the most like iron your shirt use a breath mint have two eyebrows like put in tension into dating it wasn't this haphazard thing oh you wanna go get coffee no do the most do the most because this is probably the best that it's gonna get and we have to have courage you can ask someone out but here's the thing be willing to accept the response because it's okay if someone doesn't like you thank them don't be all open your feelings and go to the prayer team be like ants wolves in sheep's clothing just Holly took advantage of me like I thought he was flirting with me no just stop we've made dating so weird in church it's weird because you're weird just be normal number five do not date anyone who's not a Christian if they don't love Jesus or have a relationship with God that's on par with yours this will be unhealthy and I talked to men and women there are yeah but they're spiritual it doesn't matter scripture tells us that even demons believed in Jesus and I don't want you to date a demon you're welcome second Corinthians six 4 says do not be unequally yoked and I joke like hey he's single you're single he's hot like flirt to convert that's a joke I just want to clarify I'm not serious because if you flirt to convert the joke's on you when they don't expect they don't accept your state of belief 6 this is me this is personal okay so if you're dating someone don't date multiple people okay cuz this is where it gets confusing like I know if there's not a ring and it's not official then you're kind of like still in the market but it's confusing to the other person if you're dating not if you go on a date but if you're dating which is multiple dates leading to a serious relationship don't date multiple people amen and the reason why and this is again statistical data is because it's confusing with multiple options and it's almost as if people are trying to Frankenstein relationships like I like his eyes and I like their bank account I like their level of education and you're waiting for like this magical mythical unicorn Chupacabra to come out with glitter and and leprechauns all like I'm the one and it's not going to happen which is point number seven look at who God puts in front of you Ruth was in the field when Boaz saw her and I think that we kind of like turn a blind eye to the people who are absolutely in front of us so pay attention to the people who are in front of you who are you overlooking that might be the amazing person that God has for you and my fear in in church community specifically as there's a lot of great men and women who are being overlooked single parents divorce days older men or older women who is God putting in front of you and pay attention maybe there's someone who's a little shy or quiet what does it look like to ask them out and I firmly believe that here at TF hoc we are going to be a house that redefines dating in a Christian context I believe that we will be healthy enough so that we could date someone and if the relationship terminates and it ends and it ends well because they're brothers and sisters in Christ I believe that there can be great purity in relationships and health and relationships with those redeeming relationships where divorces come back together and people who are in fractured relationships come together and dare I say at the end of this relationship series I believe that some people who are in unhealthy toxic relationships will end those number-8 use technology wisely internet dating is not a sin I know it's taboo in some circles you all could play it's fine we're just gonna be real spiritual real quick as we wrap this up internet dating is not a sin and I feel like we need to start addressing this openly and publicly because 37 percent of people in this room mostly single are using dating apps and the problem that I see is if you don't provide context around and wisdom around it then we're left to do in secrecy like oh I don't want anyone to know that I'm on you know tinder or my match or Christian mingle which is like the worst whatever okay don't do this to me and and we were silent about it but what happens is that secrets it's bread in it Finn is bread and secrecy so what does it look like to go to your community and be like hey I'm stepping into this will you keep me accountable can you make sure you don't date the Craigslist killer and end up dead in a ditch you know and then also your community can be honest about who you're portraying online so you don't look like a different version of who actually shows up number nine before 10 is only invest in relationships to someone that you are attracted to and this attraction is on three fronts physically attracted emotionally attracted and mentally thank you phrase clearly mentally attract it alright because here's the thing if you're a type of person you're like I just love to read every ten books a month is they so exciting and then you're dating someone who only reads books with pictures it might be like a bad fit you know if you are someone who you are like looking for someone of great deep emotional maturity an emotional balance and then you marry a crazy max are--can it's probably not a good fit so what does it look like to do an honest assessment and when attracted to them mentally am i talk to them emotionally am i attracted to them spiritually and then move forward and lastly guard your heart we give our heart away so quickly over stupid insignificant things and it's a hook-up culture and a sleep culture and a Netflix and chill no because when you Netflix and chill leads to children okay you gotta be careful about that yes write that down don't forget it we are gonna ask God to do transforming works in our live in this house and for those that call tfh OC their home we hope that God does something here that marks you that your name becomes itched and stone for the man and the woman that God has called you to be you

Channel: The Father's House OC

Views: 42,963

Rating: 4.9373851 out of 5

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Id: x2s7LfVr8BU

Length: 43min 45sec (2625 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 19 2019