If a homicidal circus freak was dead set on
wiping out your entire family, what would you do? What he may lack in speaking skills he more
than makes up for in unhinged brutality, and with Deadpool-level regeneration abilities,
it’ll take a lot more than a pie in the face to put this Bozo down for good. If we’re gonna have any chance of making
it out alive, we’ll have to figure out how to hit him where it hurts, and maybe also
exercise a little common sense. I’m going to break down the mistakes made,
what you should do, and how to beat the Killer Clown in TERRIFIER 2. Man, you ever have one of those days where
the psychopathic clown you’re cutting open randomly comes back to life and tears your
throat out? Yup, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I got into
this situation. Well, long story short, I was born at 4:45
in the morning on March 19th out in a dew covered prairie. Actually, it’s all pretty boring. The only interesting thing about this guy
is what’s about to happen to him. Ya see that freakshow creeping up from behind? That’s not cherries jubilee he’s covered
in, and there’s about to be a whole lot more of it here in a second if you know what
I mean. Props to the dead man crawling for sticking
around long enough to dial 911 and try to warn the authorities about the resurrected
serial killer about to wreak havoc on society. Sure, it’s not like he was going to make
it out alive regardless, but he could have just closed his eyes and awaited the sweet
embrace of death to save him from the unspeakable torment he’s about to endure. Unfortunately, it’s not going to make a
difference either way. All right, listen up, all you gore fanatics
out there. Due to the gratuitously horrific nature of
the following scene, I will instead be showing you this soothing footage of frolicking puppies
while describing the bloodbath in excruciating detail. Now then, looks like Dr. Rockzo found himself
a hammer. I’m guessing he’s not going to be using
that to test his new friend’s reflexes. Yup, nope, he’s beating him with it. Oof, tooth fairy’s gonna have a heck of
a time rounding all those up. All right, now he’s gouging out his eyeball. Jeez, is he gonna eat it? Oh, nope, he’s gonna shove it into his own
empty eye socket as part of some kind of bit. And he thinks it’s hilarious. Okay, moving on, he’s got the hammer again,
and he’s smashing him up pretty good. Very Cannibal Corpse. Yup, you can see brains now; I think we’re
just about done. My god, the blood. So much blood! It’s like The Shining in here. Okay, now he’s prying what’s left of the
skull apart. He’s got the dude’s brains in his hands,
and he seems to be examining them with all the wonder of a child holding his first snow
globe. Annnd we’re done. There. You can thank me later. After setting the coroner up for a little
peer review, Art the Clown loads up a Hefty bag with as many instruments of pain as he
can find and hits the road. His next order of business, washing away the
literal blood bank worth of evidence adorning his signature getup. Should have gone with the red suit, bro. Strangely enough, it turns out he’s not
the only demented circus performer haunting the laundromat in the middle of the night. Or is he? Hmmm, looks like he might not be all there. Shocker, I know. Dude, are you really gonna stick around to
watch Pagliacci playing patty cake with his imaginary friend? Crap like this is the reason I carry a gun
with me wherever I go. That and I really pissed off the Furries a
while back. “Nah, I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable
explanation for all this,” is what a moron would say, right before taking a mop handle
through the cranial dome. Yeah, pretty hard for me to feel sorry for
someone that wouldn’t take one look at this fever dream and freaking phase shift through
the window in sheer terror. The gene pool is probably better off without
him anyway. I must say, whatever Art used to clean all
that jugular juice off his outfit deserves its own Billy Mays commercial. Stuff is straight up magic. Let me know in the comments what you think
it is. Got a bit of laundry to do myself. Fast forward to the following year, and we
meet our paltry protagonists. With Halloween right around the corner, brother
and sister Sienna and Jonathan are in the process of ironing out their homemade costumes,
only there’s an issue. The littlest edge lord plans to go out masquerading
as the very clown that slashed up nine people last spooky season, which naturally, his older
sister and her “everything offends me” has an issue with. Ah, yes, a man of culture, I see. Unfortunately for young Bateman, Mom dashes
his hopes of LARPing as a lunatic; however, despite Sienna’s concerns to the contrary,
she’s convinced the boy’s morbid obsession with serial killers is just a phase. “He’ll grow out of it. He’s just an oddball. He’s just having a little bit of trouble
with some of the kids at school.” Better start rehearsing your best surprised
face for the reporters after you buy him that black leather trench coat he’s always wanted. Evidently, all this talk of murderers has
really gotten under Sienna’s skin, as that night she has an extremely vivid dream featuring
none other than everyone’s favorite mass murdering clown, along with one of the most
annoying musical numbers ever performed. But, instead of immediately scooping out everyone’s
brains with a melon baller, the silent killer kicks things off by handing out some sweet
treats to the good twenty-five-year old boys and girls. Wow, how unexpectedly wholesome. I wonder what he has in store for Pippi Longstocking? It's a still-beating human heart covered in
maggots. Awesome. Yeah, that’s a little more like what I’d
expect to receive from someone who looks like that. However, the fun doesn’t stop there. For Art’s next trick he brought a little
something for everyone. Well, at least they don’t have to listen
to that god awful song anymore. Now that he’s properly warmed up, old Baskets
grabs a hand torch from his bag of tricks to wrap this dream up properly. Meanwhile, a wounded Sienna crawls her way
towards her only hope…clown cereal? Screw it; it’s a dream. For all we know she’s gonna pull a FAMAS
out of that thing. Still, might want to just dump it out on the
floor and look for the special surprise that way. Stuff literally has razor blades on the box. Just as Art’s about to dish out the Molotov
makeover, Sienna draws an infomercial short sword from the box, deflecting the flames
just in time for her to snap back to reality. Now, you’re probably thinking, “Nerd,
I’ve got so much Raid Shadow legends to play, why are you wasting my time covering
a goshdarn dream sequence.” Well, because it turns out this little reverie
has real world implications. Sienna suddenly awakens to find the mini-Dresden
she’s been building on her dresser has spontaneously combusted. Yeah, we’re well past beating it out with
a towel at this point. Time to get the heck out of there. Fortunately, Mom had the foresight to stage
a fire extinguisher right beside her bedroom for when her little conflagration finally
clacked off. For real, though, who in their right mind
leaves that many candles out underneath a pair of highly flammable costume wings. Yeah, I get they were supposedly lit by supernatural
forces beyond her control, but still, it was only a matter of time before she knocked one
over during a slumber party séance and achieved the same result. Apparently, Barbara agrees, as she gives her
daughter a thorough dressing down once the smoke clears; however, I certainly hope she
took her blood pressure meds this morning, because both of her children are bringing
home gold stars today. Later on at school, Jonathan grabs a hall
pass to get a drink of water, when he catches a glimpse of something running down to the
ground floor. Not sure why he feels responsible for checking
out mysterious disturbances in the hallway, but just about anything beats the drudgery
that is 7th grade. Well, almost anything. I guess it depends on your opinion of rotting
animal carcasses. They say don’t meet your heroes. Gotta hand it to the little dork for not immediately
assuming it was just a couple tryhards going all out on their costumes like pretty much
everyone else does from here on out, although I suppose it could have had something to do
with him getting pelted with roadkill. Either way, he could have at least tried warning
the principal about the two potentially hostile intruders slinging meat like Salt Bae. Sure, they’re probably just going to be
gone the second she rounds the corner, but given you’re guaranteed to take the blame
for planting the possum if you say nothing, you might as well at least give it a shot. Also, I realize he had his hands full back
there, but it might have been a good idea to whip out the old smartphone and snap a
quick pic for when nobody believes your insane story. Hmm, then again, probably not a good idea
to wait around for him to throw something worse. A couple hours later, Sienna and her best
friend Allie are at the local Halloween store shopping for another set of wings to replace
the ones she lost in the fire. Just then, Allie gets a call from her mother,
which means she needs to leave the quiet confines of the nearly empty building and talk out
on the sidewalk so that her friend can be alone in the store with a man dressed like
this. After counting to a hundred, Sienna turns
to catch up with her friend, only to find herself completely boxed into an aisle by
none other than the clown of her dreams. Yeah, ya see how he’s standing there menacingly
and forcing you to awkwardly shuffle out in front of him. That’s not how a normal person behaves,
and he doesn’t have to be an otherworldly abomination on a mission of chaos to cause
you serious problems. I’m gonna say screw those wings. Judging by the rest of her costume, nobody’s
gonna be looking at them anyway. We need to get out of here and away from that
weirdo as quickly as humanly possible. Nah, apparently, Sienna is totally willing
to risk being brutally assaulted by a Juggalo in a seasonal junk store for the opportunity
to buy something she’s only going to wear once. That’s gonna be pretty difficult without
her purse, though. Oh, never mind. Looks like Violent J is here to help. “Hey, maybe he’s not so bad after all,”
which is exactly what he wants you to think before he cracks you open and eats your soft,
chewy center. Seriously, we’d better dump our crap in
a plastic bag and toss that purse in the nearest dumpster. God only knows what unspeakable perversions
have befallen that handbag. Helpful or not, anyone with eyes should be
able to see Sienna is absolutely terrified of this clown, so I can only wonder what happened
to the shopkeeper’s white cane and sunglasses. Dude just stands there acting like Patches
isn’t clearly trying to intimidate his paying customer. He even leaves her alone with this freakshow
to go grab her a bag that barely even fits the wings she’s buying. Sure hope you aren’t dependent on repeat
business or anything, although a dip in recurring revenue is about to be the least of his concerns. After following Sienna to the exit, Art locks
the door behind her before shouldering his action sack and heading back to settle up. Eight ninety-nine? For that piece of crap? Hmm, hard to blame Art for what he’s about
to do, which should be glaringly obvious by now. Picture this. It’s closing time and the last person in
the store is dressed like some dude that murdered nine people the year before, and now he’s
just pulled a literal meat cleaver out of a trash bag, along with a mallet and some
chains. What would you think is about to happen? Let me know in the comments. Should have called the cops when we went in
the back to grab the bag. By then it was already apparent this guy was
about to become a huge pain in the neck. At the very least, we should start scooping
some of those weapons off the counter so the potential robber can’t just grab them at
a moment’s notice. Otherwise, we’re probably going to be wearing
them here in a second, starting with the beer bottle. Yeah, it doesn't go any better for poor Ricky
than it did the coroner back in the beginning. Clearly, Art’s not one to skimp on the spinach,
so it’s pretty much curtains once he gets his hands on you. Besides keeping a sawed off behind the counter,
just about the only way our cashier could have avoided becoming a human Jack-o-lantern
would have been to haul butt out of the store or into a secure room where he could wait
for help to arrive, and even then, Art doesn’t seem like the type to let a good victim go
to waste. Sometime later, Sienna arrives back at her
house to find her little brother grounded for yeeting roadkill all over the school. Naturally, their mom doesn’t believe Jonathan’s
story about being framed by a pair of demonic clowns, because why the heck would she? That’s the problem with acting like such
a little weirdo around your family all the time, kid. First time the school accuses you of spiking
a marsupial in the hallway, no one’s gonna question it. He tries explaining what he saw to Sienna,
but instead of relating his experience to her own run in with the murder mime, she decides
to pitch a fit over his possession of their late father’s long-lost sketch book. Wow, what a surprise. Go ahead and check “daddy issues” off
your whiny protagonist bingo cards. Should probably just make that one a free
space at this point. Honestly, Poindexter has been doing her a
solid by keeping that thing away from her all this time. Evidently, Daddy’s musings took somewhat
of a nasty turn towards the end. Yeah, I’m calling it; your dad is totally
the maniac. Think about it, artwork? Art the Clown? Okay, all right, I get that’s kind of a
stretch, but how the heck else do you explain him drawing up that ugly mug before the blood
started flowing? Not to mention his other little projects. I’m sure some Terri-phile in the comments
is going to rip me a new one for not knowing Art was actually spawned from an weird clown
union in a nuclear test site but cut me some slack here. Not everyone has time to read the manga. Unfortunately, Sienna isn’t willing to look
into the issue any further. The way she sees it, they both just ran into
people dressing up for yucks, and while copycat killers are definitely a thing, without having
seen the horror show at the Halloween store, it’d be quite a leap in logic to assume
that clown Freddy Kreuger is out invading their dreams, setting their house on fire,
and throwing dead animals at them. Elsewhere in town, Allie is dishing out the
diabetes to the dayshift trick-or-treaters when she notices Ethan Hawke’s part-time
magic van positioned for another disappearing act. However, little does she realize, it’s her
that’ll be playing the role of tonight’s lovely assistant. The doorbell rings once again, proving to
be none other than everyone’s favorite unkillable psychopath, but instead of recoiling in horror
at the realization some nut job in a windowless van followed her home from the costume shop,
she decides to shine him on in her best impression of a thirty-year-old teenager. Yeah, might want to give him some candy before
you find out just how effective, although if you’re not going to give him some candy,
you’d better not open the door a second time, or a third. I’m being generous here. Allie’s a freaking moron for not immediately
shutting and locking the door the instant she saw a grown man out trick-or-treating
without any kids around, especially after hearing about how he totally creeped on her
friend maybe less than an hour ago. You don’t exactly need to see the mobile
Home Depot he’s lugging around to know he’s up to no good, although once you do, you should
probably dial 911 and report the dude for stalking a pair of high school girls. Sure, the cops might just brush it off as
a sick prank from some of their peers, but they might not, and it would be awfully hard
for Art to talk his way out of it if they pulled over that piece of rolling probable
cause he’s whipping around in. A couple hours pass and Allie’s busy getting
ready for tonight’s festivities, when suddenly she hears a loud crash of broken glass downstairs. Considering you’re supposed to be here all
by yourself on a dark and stormy night, should probably call your mom in case she came home
early to juggle a few wine bottles. If not, then I’d say it’s best to farm
this one out to a public servant while you barricade the bedroom door. For Christ’s sake, if you really feel the
need to investigate, then at least take your phone with you so you don’t wind up running
and hiding in a bathroom without any way of calling for help. Upon reaching the source of the commotion,
Allie is shocked to find the sliding glass door smashed to pieces, but it’s about to
get so much worse. Really should have turned back the moment
we saw signs of a break in. Without a firearm and the intent to use it,
nothing good could arise from sticking around to confront a home invader, especially one
who looks like that. That said, once we were spotted, we should
have bolted out of the house as fast as we possibly could. After all, it’s Halloween. Rain or no rain, there’s still bound to
be a decent amount of people walking around on the street we could approach for help. Unless we have a weapon staged somewhere we
can readily access, retreating deeper into the house with an attacker hot on our heels
is just going to result in us getting cornered, kinda like how Allie is at this very moment. Yeah, once again, I’m forced to conceal
Art’s gratuitous acts of extreme violence using more appropriate content, so please
enjoy this footage of carefree baby goats living their best lives as I narrate the scene
in explicit detail. And trust me, this time around I’m doing
you all a favor. Okay, he’s kicking things off with a scalpel
right across her left eye: straight through the pupil. Yeesh, she really doesn’t like that. Probably why she’s crawling over to her
make up table for the urgent touch up. Annd now he’s got some tiny scissors. Looks like he’s going in for the trim, except,
man, that’s really cutting it short. Yeah, he’s scalping her, is what I’m trying
to say. But, of course, you know he’s not content
with giving her the skullet. Nah, he’s brought the scalpel back for a
rendition of the dot, dot, line, line game she won’t soon forget. Wait, why’s he grabbing her arm? What, is he gonna give her chicken wing or
some…oh, no he just snapped it off at the elbow, which is kinda like a chicken wing,
a real one, at least. All right, now he’s got her other hand. Aw, crap is he gonna bite her fingers off? Ooooh, oh, no. He just split her hand down the middle Hardcore
Henry style. I’m glad to see someone else appreciates
that movie. I think he might be wrapping it up here. He’s basically just slashing her with the
scalpel over and over again. Yeah, okay, he just left the room, except
now she’s crawling across the floor towards the phone; we really can’t show that. Boy, her mom’s gonna flip when she sees
the carpets in here. Hang on, he just came back, oh, my God, with
bleach and table salt. Dude is literally rubbing salt in the wound
right now. What a jerk. Oh, and there goes half her face. Man, that was pretty brutal. Almost as brutal as her mom walking in while
he’s carving the rest of her up like a roast. I know right? Imagine walking in on your daughter in bed
with a clown. Okay, it’s finally over. Man, really should have just given him the
candy. As for Mom, once you saw the glass busted
out, you should have called for backup and grabbed a weapon before charging in blind
like that. If you really think there’s a home invasion
in progress, you gotta believe going to investigate empty handed isn’t going to end well for
you, which is why your daughter looks like a combine accident and you’re currently
being used as a human candy dish. Back across town, Sienna’s just put the
finishing touches on her Halloween costume and…yeah. Gonna take this time to point out that Lauren
LaVera is forty-four years old. Not hating, in fact, good for her. Just want to make that clear before anyone
goes calling Chris Hansen on the studio. Well, then Dad’s a per. A short Uber ride later, Sienna arrives at
the rager to third wheel it with Brooke and her boyfriend, Jeff. However, unlike her friend who’s totally
not a sociopath, she can’t shake the feeling something’s gone horribly wrong with Allie,
that is until she gets a couple drinks in her, although, in all fairness, it’s not
really the talent juice that’s taken her mind off the situation; it’s what Elizabeth
Swann slipped in when she wasn’t looking. Yeah, not a lot I can say here besides maybe
not associating with the kind of person that’ll spike your drink without asking first. At this point, we’ve got one of two options,
only one of which YouTube will allow me to elaborate on: pull the ripcord and head to
the nearest ER for a stomach pump and close observation. The other, well, all I can say is that it
involves glow sticks and a crap ton of chewing gum. Sienna goes for option B, but mostly because
she’s rolling too hard to get upset. That is until the sight of Amelia Butler turns
her little FreakNight frolic into a straight up Panic at the Disco. Whoa, party foul. Can’t wait to hear Brooke pin all the blame
on Sienna for ruining their evening. Meanwhile, back at the house, young Jonathan
is busy sulking over his sister’s short sword, probably wondering why their father
never bought him any dangerous weaponry from late-night television. Yeah, if I had to guess, I’d say it was
to keep all the neighborhood dogs and cats alive. Eventually, Mom comes up to make amends, but
their conversation quickly spirals out of control over the Dad’s Dexter fan art, culminating
in a good old fashioned attitude adjustment right across junior’s face. Oh, sure, go ahead and run away from home
at twelve years old with nothing but the clothes on your back. Face it, kid; you’re not that guy. Might as well skip to the part where you come
crawling back with your tail between your legs when you can’t figure out how to make
Dino Nuggets and Top Ramen. That said, where’s Jack Nicholson when you
need him? Old Barbara’s clearly got some anger issues
in need of working out. Sure, her kids haven’t exactly been precious
gifts from above lately, but she hits the ceiling at the drop of a hat. Everything’s going to be okay. Now, take a deep breath. Goosfraba. Or, ya know, just down a choke down a fistful
of chill pills with a glass of wine. That always works. Unfortunately, she’s gonna need a lot more
of both here in a second, as a sudden commotion out in the garage alerts her to the little
modern art project her son whipped up in the minute and a half since running out the front
door, or so she thinks. I mean, I guess it’s possible he had some
TP and shaving cream stashed nearby for whatever midnight mayhem he was planning with his friends,
but a smear job like this takes time, and the practiced hand of an experienced prankster. Plus, I just don’t believe a scrawny punk
like him could possibly lift a pumpkin high enough to smash it on the hood like that. I know who could, though… Classic shotgun blast to the forehead. Impractical Jokers take note. It’s too bad she’ll never be able to see
the look on her face, ya know, on account of being dead and all. Well, that and there’s really not much left
of it to look at in the first place. Gotta say, Art’s execution is flawless. Dude is straight clowning on Pennywise right
now, at least as it concerns being a terrifying and effective killer. Not a ton I can really offer him in terms
of how to step up his game. Out on the streets, Jonathan finally stops
fleeing his lack of paternal affection, right out in front of the friendly neighborhood
grape van. Oh, yeah, just go ahead and take a closer
look at that bad boy. Maybe see if the owner keeps some black balloons
and go-to-sleep spray in there. God, what is it with twelve-year-old’s approaching
suspicious vehicles? At least give the vicious child predators
some kind of challenge. Fortunately, before he can hop in the back
and cozy up under some nylon rope, the sight of a leering clown child in the passenger
seat makes him reevaluate his poor life choices, or perhaps he just realized this creeper van
was occupied. Either way, he decides to go crying back to
Mommy, and just in time for dinner, no less. Aw, man, meatloaf again. But it gets worse. Looks like their guest of honor brought dessert,
the hypodermic kind. Yeah, better run, kid. I get the feeling that needle’s seen a few
miles, and that’s probably not B12 he’s got sloshing around in there. Unlike Allie, in this case we actually do
have a weapon we can fallback to upstairs, although Sienna’s gaudy gladius is hardly
an Uzi 9-millimeter. Might be a better idea to stiff arm little
miss Beatle Juice and hit the sidewalk, although once we’re committed to the blade, we should
go straight for it instead of stopping to hold back the tide. After all, even if we somehow manage to overpower
the superhuman, Satan clown and lock the door, he could easily just kick it in the second
we step away to grab the sword. Ultimately, Jonathan fails to reach the weapon
in time, although we all knew he wasn’t exactly about to Conan this bitch regardless. In any case, the prize for second place is
a free cootie shot straight to the jugular, and apparently Art’s homebrew tranquilizer
really hits the spot. Kinda makes you wonder why he would bother
putting him to sleep instead of brutally tearing him to pieces like everyone else. Then again, it probably means whatever he’s
got in store for this little geek would make the Cenobites turn their heads in disgust. Sucks to be you, dude. Across town in Jeff’s Tahoe, Brooke is really
giving Sienna the business for having a negative reaction to the giggle pills she slipped in
her drink without consent. Just then, Sienna receives a panicked phone
call from Jonathan pleading for her to come pick him up from the creepy, abandoned carnival
this town just leaves lying around for some reason. Only problem is, little bro’s still fast
asleep in the back of murder mobile. Unfortunately for the teenagers, it turns
out Art’s little helper is just the GOAT when it comes to impressions, and after a
brief bit of begging on Sienna’s part, her friends agree to make the detour. Well, Jeff does anyway. Aw, crap, she said the thing. Well, better enjoy that last cigarette. Lung cancer’s gonna be the least of your
concerns here in a minute. Upon arriving at the carnival, there’s no
sign of Jonathan at the established rendezvous point, prompting Sienna to go in after him. Boy, such a great friend you have in Brooke. First she slips you a hippie biscuit, then
she gets mad at you for not being able to handle it, then she gets even more mad at
you for taking them all of two miles out of their way to help out your little brother,
and now she’s just gonna let you roam around a nightmare factory all by yourself while
she and her boyfriend burn up the brain cells and gossip about your horrific family tragedy. It’s probably why I don’t feel bad knowing
what’s gonna happen next. Eventually, nature’s call draws Jeff out
of the vehicle to drain the main vein, when all of a sudden, Art swoops in out of nowhere
and gives him more than just the tip. Dang, he really doesn’t want this guy in
the gene pool. Can’t say I blame him, although it looks
like Brooke is none too pleased with her boyfriend getting the snip. However, before she can get the keys in the
ignition to make her escape, Old Twisty punches through the driver’s side window and drags
her kicking and screaming into the asphalt. Whoa, emphasis on the kicking. I think she might be the only person to land
one on the killer clown yet. Now that you’ve gotten away from this wackjob,
you might want to stop screaming your head off every three seconds and giving away your
position. Oh, or instead you could keep screaming and
run into a derelict old horror maze where there’s no telling when you might come to
a dead end. Genius. And guess what happens. But, hey, at least you have a small piece
of 2x4 you can use to turn the tables on him. Not that it’s likely to make any difference
against that kill-a-majig he’s rigged up, but as the saying goes, if you can’t get
out of a fight, you gotta get into a fight. Besides, simply cowering in the corner and
awaiting your fate isn’t gonna make it any easier for you. I mean, look at what happened to Allie. Speaking of which, just like before, there’s
no way we can get away with showing you what’s about to go down, so instead we’re going
to play this more YouTube friendly footage from Saving Private Ryan while I run through
the play by play. So, right off the bat, it looks like he’s
hiding a jar of something behind his back: hmmm, Flouroantimonic Acid. I wonder what that’s for. Oooh, right in the face, and by the looks
of it her mascara isn’t the only thing that’s running. Jesus Christ, her skin is bubbling up like
pizza cheese in a searing hot oven. All right, now he’s working her over with
that mean freaking table leg thing: one smack, two smacks, and three smacks. And, now she’s on her back. Aw, dude, no, I can’t describe that on the
internet. Oh, never mind, he’s just breaking her kneecap,
aaand her sternum. Dang, dude is straight up beating a ragged
hole in her chest cavity right now. Yeah, she’s spewing out blood. I’m thinking that pretty much does it. Looks like Art’s not quite finished yet
though. He’s prying what’s left of her rib cage
apart. What’s he looking for in there? Oh, I see, he wanted to tear out her still-beating
heart and devour it. That makes sense. Ya know, to be honest, it really could have
gone a lot worse for her. Maybe old Art is running out of steam. I guess we’re about to find out, cuz here
comes Sienna to stumble upon what’s left of her friend. Wait a second, there was another way in and
out of the bathroom this whole time? Why the heck didn’t Brooke just limp out
that way instead of squaring up against a clearly superior opponent. Oh, well, no one’s probably gonna miss her
all that much anyway. Sienna, on the other hand, still has her whiny
brat of a brother to worry about, so she might want to get moving before I have to dig up
more stock footage. Oh, and speak of the devil, look who showed
up just in time to watch his sister get brutally murdered. Huh, maybe I dismissed that 2x4 a little too
early. Yeah, I know your older sister told you to
make a break for it, but are you really just gonna bolt and let Captain Spaulding wipe
out your entire family? You know good and well, the second he’s
done mopping the floor with Sienna, he’ll be coming after you next. At least if you stick around and fight, you’ll
be able to meet him two on one. That’s a better chance than literally anyone
else we’ve seen at this point. Just take a running start and throw your weight
into the bastard while Sienna’s got him nailed. Once he’s on the ground, we can pick up
the war club and give him a taste of his own medicine. Nah, who am I kidding? Of course, the little dweeb is gonna let his
sister get wailed on. It’s Finney all over again. Although, as Art attacks go, it really seems
like he’s holding back. I mean, by now I’d expect him to have turned
her lungs into balloon animals. Instead, he lets her off easy with a little
tummy tickling and a TBI. Predictably, Art tracks down Jonathan almost
immediately and starts slicing him up with the scalpel. Gotta hand it to our killer clown. There’s nothing like physical comedy to
lighten the mood. However, all this character building gives
Sienna a chance to sneak up with the ugly stick and give him the business. Yeah, not sure why she wouldn’t aim for
the head right away, but eventually she manages to get the point across. Whoa, whoa, whoa, don’t stop swinging now! Not finishing your kills is how sequels happen. I mean, seriously, he doesn’t even seem
all that shaken up by it. You’re just giving him a chance to ambush
you later when you least expect it. Whatever, I’m sure it’ll work out just
fine in the end. Besides, we need to make room for one last
exposition dump ahead of the final confrontation anyway. Ya see, according to Jonathan’s interpretation
of the ravings in their daddy’s sketch book, this was the exact scenario playing out in
his head movies when he decided to buy Sienna the sword and draw her up a suit of armor
that fails to protect about 75% of her body. Yes, if only Daddy saw her smoking this clown
with a Benelli M4 instead of the cosplayer special. Destiny is a bee, ain’t it? Also, I guess this kinda shoots a hole in
my whole “I am you father” plot twist. That is unless their dad was setting her up
to take him down once he became fully engulfed in his alter ego. Might have to wait until Terrifier three for
that one. Armed with the knowledge of what must be done,
Sienna arms up with a length of pipe and the two advance into the next leg of the haunted
house. For some reason, the fearless protector decides
this demonic cathedral looks like a great spot to cut the dead weight, ya know, cuz
he really blends in with the rest of the congregation. Oh, wait, I see what she’s doing. Use the frail one as bait so she can rush
in and give Stitches the shaft while he’s preoccupied. Gotta say, I didn’t think she had it in
her. Of course, if that’s the case, I gotta wonder
why she’s just walking blindly into the next area like that. At this rate, there’s no way she’ll be
able to intervene before Jonathan’s pretty much just an eyeball, especially with the
Nemesis pulling an Assassin’s Creed right beside him. With no one there to stop him, Art starts
lashing out with the cat-o’-nine-tails like the kid just stole a loaf of bread. Fortunately, Sienna hears the screaming in
time to come to the rescue, but it’s gonna take a lot more than a couple of bonks with
the bar stock to keep from winding up on the wrong side of the flail. Oh, yeah, just go ahead and shield your little
brother with your body like a couple of wounded Ewoks. I’m sure he won’t totally toss your lifeless
corpse aside and beat him to death after whipping your butt into shape. Whoa, that is unless Sienna can pull off the
Uno Reverse. Let’s see how YOU like it, Boppo. With the tables turned, Sienna goes flogging
the clown until he’s brought to his knees, at which time she plucks a piece of rebar
from a nearby fence and dishes out the coup de grace, except not really, cause you’ve
already seen this guy shrug off a punctured skull like it was nothing. Are you really gonna turn your back on him
without at least taking the time to smash the rest of his head into raspberry jam? No, of course you’re not, and that’s why
you’re lying flat on your back getting the life squeezed of you right now. Luckily, Jonny spots the super shorty in Art’s
ankle holster and goes for the steal before it’s too late. The double-wide surprise seems to do the trick,
at least for now, but it seems the damage is already done. Suddenly, Sienna awakens to find no sign of
either the Violator or her brother. Yeah, might want to grab another piece of
rebar in case that buckshot didn’t do the trick. Nah, what am I saying, there’s no way he
could have come back to life a third time, right? Wrong. Sienna rounds a corner to find Art standing
over her brother’s unconscious body, driving her to unleash a furious hail of half-phony
punches into his chest. Really? You’re not even going to try to hit him
in the face, or I don’t know, somewhere it might actually do some damage? Oh, well, brace for another strangling, only
instead of simply ringing her out on the floor, this time Art drops her into some kind of
makeshift mausoleum. But, after what happened earlier, he’s not
about to take his eye off her so she can weasel her way out and launch another surprise attack. No, Art’s going to violate the golden rule
of movie antagonists and actually bother to make sure the hero checks out with his own
two eyes, and what better way to do that than by jumping down to Sienna’s level and giving
her her sword back. Boom. And that’s how you land yourself a spot
in the Nerd Explains bad guy hall of fame. Well, I guess that about wraps it up. I mean, come on. What kind of ending did you expect from a
movie with so much crap blurred out? Nah, I’m just kidding. Sienna isn’t quite hosed yet, although it’s
definitely not looking good. After taking the sword through her gizzard,
it seems she fell into a demonic dunk tank down in the underverse, and to make matters
worse, some kind of tentacle has wrapped itself around her leg. All right, no time to panic. We’re going to have to swim down and chew
through the ligature like that effed up Chuck Palahniuk story. And if you don’t get that reference, do
not go chasing after it. You’ve been warned. Sadly, Sienna’s unable to get ahold of herself
in time to cut herself loose, and before long, her only chance at coming back to rescue her
brother goes belly up, that is until her family sword starts glowing bright red. Dang, who would have thought Daddy bought
her the Crucible, and here all my dad ever gives me is his unconditional love and support. Through what can only be described as literal
magic, Sienna’s abdominal wound spontaneously heals, and she miraculously comes back to
life before freeing herself from the water hazard and climbing back up to the surface. And not a moment too soon. Just then, Jonathan wakes up to find himself
getting munched on by Ronald McDonald, and it looks like he’s lovin’ it. However, before the killer clown can finish
his Happy Meal, Sienna comes from behind with the death blow to permanently spoil his appetite. Recognizing when he’s beat, Art sticks his
neck out for the last laugh, and with the thirst for vengeance coursing through her
veins, Sienna is happy to oblige. With that, she and her brother are able to
hug it out knowing the nightmare is finally over, or is it? Yeah, better not put that sword down just
yet, cuz it looks like there’s still one last loose end in need of tying up. What, you’re just gonna sit there while
she plays telephone with that monster’s melon? Get over there and slot that freaky brat before
she screws his gourd back on for round two. Oh, or just let her walk on out of there like
it’s nothing. I’m sure there totally won’t be any far-reaching
consequences from allowing the devil’s little sidekick to wander off with his severed head. Whatever. Come back or not, after everything these two
have been through, I don’t see them ever getting back to any semblance of a normal
life without doing a little time in a mental institution, ya know, just like the survivor
of Art’s last rampage. Speaking of which, how is old Face-off doing
anyhow? Before we wrap things up, let’s take a little
trip on over to the Miles County Psychiatric Hospital, shall we? Looks like she’s been taking Stockholm Syndrome
to a whole new level. Only it doesn’t stop there. Somewhere along the line, it seems Icky Vicky
decided she was down to play hostess to the second coming, and I’m not talking about
JC. Guess who’s back for number three? Yeah, not sure why you would unlock the door
and go barging in after bearing witness to the virgin birth of a sentient human head,
but the nurse’s actions will almost certainly lead to another bout of bloodshed from the
clown prince of mayhem himself, and I for one can’t wait to see how it all shakes
out. In the end, our heroes were able to come out
ahead, although by the looks of it, this nightmare is only just getting started. That said, had everyone followed our suggestions,
we might have been able to spare some of the others along the way, like Ricky, Allie, and
Brooke. Of course, Art still would have respawned
for another round no matter what, but now that Sienna’s armed with expert advice and
the Sword of a Thousand Truths, it’s just a matter of cutting him down to size again. For that reason, I think TERRIFIER 2 is beaten. Moral of the story, laughter’s the best
medicine, unless the joke’s on you.
