How should a Christian respond to a narcissist,
part two. Hi, welcome to today's Little Lesson, another
special along the banks of the Little Mahoning Creek addition of Little Lessons. And we're talking about a phrase, a psychological
profile that's called Narcissistic Personality Disorder. And in a nutshell, it's just selfishness at
a much higher level than what you see in the average selfish person, like you or like me,
okay? Because we're all selfish to a degree. And as we endeavor to follow Jesus and allow
his Holy spirit to lead us and guide us and to dominate us rather than the, what the Bible
refers to as the flesh, which is the old nature but still there's a residue within everyone
who believes in Jesus. We're two natured. Paul talked about how the spirit Wars against
the flesh. Well, in the narcissist, the flesh is a winning
a little bit too much of the time. Okay? And so they're characterized by a grandiose
view of themselves. They're much more important than they actually
are, but only in their own fantasy world. And they tend to gather people around them
who will affirm them because they have an excessive need for affirmation and it's almost
borderline adoration. They always got to hear what a great job they're
doing and if you don't tell them what a great job you're doing, then you're non-supportive
and it's all your fault that you're having a problem with this person. Narcissist, because of the whole world centers
around them, they have a sense of entitlement. So rules that apply to other people don't
apply to them. And again, it's the fault of the rule makers. They have some ulterior motive, they're trying
to stop me from being all that I can be. I deserve much better treatment than this
because A, B, C, D, E, F, G, and so they've got a whole list of reasons why you should
be admiring them. And if you don't admire them, when they finally
part ways, the last thing they'll say to you is how you didn't admire them and they'll
be talking about their accomplishments and why they deserved better treatment from you. It's always your fault. The narcissist never takes the blame. The narcissist exploits other people without
guilt or shame. Again then of course, that would be a lower
degree of what's displayed by the psychopath and the sociopath, where they can kill people
in some cases and it doesn't bother them in the least. They have no remorse whatsoever. Well, the narcissist is not to that degree,
but the narcissist still sees other people as pawns in their universe. They are used to build them up and so again,
that's who they gather around them. And anyone who's not in that category finds
themselves ... Well, you're going to be hurting. Another characteristic of the narcissist is
that they really express their disappointment by means of rage and outbursts of anger and
everyone walks around eggshells around the narcissist. And here's one last one, the narcissist frequently
intimidates and bullies other people. And so if you've run into a person, if you
have a relationship with a person who's like a bully, they're always demanding and they're
going to get their way and they're going to force their way no matter what, then you've
probably run into a narcissist. So psychologists, again and this is a science
they have studied it, so I'm going to tell you what they say then I'm going to tell you
what I believe the Bible says. Psychologist say that Narcissistic Personality
Disorder cannot be cured. And so the only response, the only intelligent
response, if you find yourself in a relationship on any level with a narcissist is just to
get out of the relationship. You cannot win. You cannot win, so do not waste your time. Narcissist do not change they say. And so that's the solution. Don't try to argue with them, don't try to
have a discussion with them, don't try to confront them and get a mediator and so forth. Hopeless, absolutely hopeless according to
psychological studies. Now I wonder, of course, if psychologists
have all studied what happens when someone's born again? I don't know if they acknowledge that actually
happens, but those of us who are believers know that God's pretty good at turning people
from selfish to unselfish. And from people that they are the center of
the universe to where God becomes the center the universe. And he commands us to love others as we love
ourselves. He's acknowledging, interestingly enough,
in that commandment that we do love ourselves. And so that's the standard, we should love
others just like we love ourselves. We're all a little narcissist. And God's in the business of curing little
narcissist and he can cure big narcissist as well by the same Holy spirit, nothing is
too difficult for the Lord. So with keeping all that in mind, the question
that I posed at the beginning of this and the last of the lesson was, how should Christians
respond to narcissists? And I think they should respond to them realistically
in recognizing that the chances of them changing are slim, but the way to do it is through
the gospel. Now you say, well, I'm dealing with a person
who is a narcissist, has all the characteristics of it, but they say they believe in Jesus
and they're Christians. Well, that does present a problem. I don't know how a person who consistently
displays the traits of being a narcissist as defined by a psychological profile, a personality
disorder, could actually be a Christian because the work of the Holy spirit is real and he
specializes in curing people. And so what you might have as a person who
thinks they're a Christian because they prayed a prayer, or they got baptized, or they joined
the church, or whatever, or they had some kind of a moral reformation at one time and
so forth. But are they truly born again? So here's why I say this, because if you then
confront them, as again that will be a Christian response, if your brother sins against you
go to him. Isn't that what Jesus said? So if there's an outburst of anger by a narcissist
against you, well then according to Jesus, you should go to that person and confront
that person. Well, a Christian when confronted with facts
of truth, Christians are supposed to yield to the truth because we are lovers of the
truth. But again, one characteristic of the narcissist
is that he is never wrong. He doesn't take the blame for anything. He would never get up in front of a crowd
or even personally and say, "I'm sorry. I blew it. I didn't do the right thing. Would you please forgive me?", because it's
not his or her fault. It's your fault. I had a narcissist one time blow up on me
and immediately justified it by saying, this is the only way I can get you to listen, already
justifying it. And what he meant was it's the only way I
can get you to do what I want you to do by intimidating you, like a bully, like he'd
done so many other times before and so many other people had experienced it. So I would say confrontation is the biblical
response, but don't get your hopes up. And then I would say sharing the gospel, trying
to help them to see that ... I mean, the Bible says that one of the works of the flesh is
outbursts of anger and those that do such things will not inherit the kingdom of heaven. This is in Galatians chapter five, read it
for yourself. Those were characterized by the works of the
flesh, they give evidence to the fact that they've not been truly born again. And so that's the real problem, but thank
God there's a real solution. But again, God resists the proud and the narcissist
has a big dose of that. The narcissist thinks that they're so important
that you can't make it without them. Okay? So that's probably not very encouraging advice,
but hopefully it helps you to have something to latch onto and least give a try. But once you've tried that, Jesus talked about
if they don't receive you, shake the dust off at your feet and go on. Now there are people that God knows he can't
have relationships with, and so if God can't have a relationship with them, how you and
I are going to have a relationship with them? Are we better than God? Pretty unlikely. Okay. Well, out of time for today. If you've never been to davidservant.org,
got a wealth of biblical information there for you in the form of teachings and books
and videos and so forth. Avail yourself to that and it's all free. Hope it'll be a blessing to you. Until next time, may the Lord bless you.
