Behaviors of Vulnerable Narcissists

welcome everybody thanks for joining me um we want to talk about today uh behaviors of vulnerable narcissist um i i originally titled it vulnerable narcissism but we want to look at the behaviors of this now i've been reading a lot of journal articles you know the vulnerable type of narcissistic personality disorder is relatively new um we know what grandiose looks like and i've got a video on that okay so that that's you know presents itself with you know very um boisterous and um self-aggrandizing and just all this stuff that we that we can recognize they're the greatest and you know nobody else has stuff to offer like they do vulnerable is quiet though vulnerable narcissism is quiet and it's hard to detect and the reason i want to point this out is for clients that you're working with that are looking to get married or they're talking about their partners we need to understand what this looks like so that we can help them figure out if these are good matches or not i do want to mention something in case i forget is that there is a thing okay you don't see it in the academic literature but there's videos out there about um narcissists kind of pairing up or being attracted to empaths so this is another reason why a counselor should be very aware of this there's a lot of counselors who are in past who feel very deeply or very intuitive who are hyper considerate of others feel others pain and these folks tend to be attracted to those okay so not only do we need to know this for counselors we need to know this for uh you know for our clients and counselors now a couple of these things i wanted to mention this because i've got another video where i was listing and i'm getting this from the from the research but these these three right here characteristics of vulnerable narcissism quietly unstable emotions now what i mean by that is that this would not look like borderline personality disorder which is very hot and cold you know one moment they love you to death and the next moment you're the worst person in the world they're yelling and screaming at you and doing all kind of things this would be more quiet you would not know that the emotions are unstable it's more boiling within okay it's more internalized the unstable emotions they're insecure they feel inferior they're prone to shame you know when they do act out in some way they feel it deeply but you know folks these four things would look you know we might see this in folks with depression uh we might see with folks with different types of anxiety now please understand depression anxiety are very complex and we always want to recognize that people in their issues are very complex let's not simplify and i'll do some videos on that as well there's all different kinds of anxiety and depression but these are common things that we would see for folks and this could present as just being depressed or feeling really terrible about themselves and not reaching out and so forth this is where the narcissism comes into play you've got all these characteristics which are not which you don't find in the grandiose narcissism as much but here's what you're going to find that that really relates to the narcissism is you're going to find that they're also entitled defensive and envious and so what i want to show you is how this can look in terms of actual behaviors that you can see because i'm not finding a lot in the literature the academic literature about what are the specific behaviors and so if we are entitled defensive and envious but we're of the vulnerable type things for your clients to pay attention to does the person snoop is this somebody that um reads the other person's diary regularly keeps account on the phone uh you know phone records in bank accounts so snoopers and again it's never one thing that's going to define somebody with vulnerable narcissism these are just things we want to process with clients as they're considering you know whether maybe they're in a relationship with somebody who's you know experiences vulnerable narcissism interruptions this is a thing okay here's the deal people with narcissistic personality disorder cannot handle being interrupted and yet they will interrupt often and frequently now here's what will happen also typically if you're an empath you don't interrupt at all you don't speak up when you need to speak up okay but let's say for instance you did interrupt somebody who is with vulnerable narcissism and they will call you on it and they will immediately you would apologize okay that's what you would do uh you would apologize if the other person who interrupts a lot and you call them on it and be careful although they need to be called on it so you want to do that it will be met with defensiveness and anger and pretty extreme okay so interruptions are another key factor when thinking about vulnerable narcissism thoughtless and inconsiderate and this can show up in small ways okay now they're going to remember birthdays they're going to get christmas gifts or whatever you know gift that is but um this can be where um maybe they're not careful on how they park you know maybe they park really close to somebody and you're like hyper sensitive to make sure people have room um maybe uh if you're you know they they leave cabinet doors open or they don't put on lids securely or just just little things like this they just don't consider that other people are going to need to use these things and that this could be problematic where you might be very hypersensitive to that okay so just kind of thoughtless and inconsiderate in in small little ways okay and if you point them out be aware they're gonna be there's gonna be defensiveness and anger now we all we're all human we all make mistakes um you will find and this is a terrible term but i'm going to use it disproportionate revenge we could also say disproportionate response to your foibles to your mistakes and this could literally be that oh you um were flirty at a party you know with somebody because remember the enviousness is there and they wind up sleeping with somebody i i mean you you see what i'm talking about that's just that's a pretty broad example um where you know maybe you you that we're a little flirty but then they they react in this disproportionate way uh to this that's just another thing to keep when we're looking at this checklist okay i'm trying to be appropriate mind fudge there will be a lot of small things happening like if you point out that you know they went through the diary or that they um or that they interrupt people in you or that uh you know they you point out that leaving cabinets open and lids and all that kind of stuff they will they will get angry but as soon as you get angry they will become very calm and a little condescending this sometimes i've heard this called colloquially the narcissistic supply they want you to become angry and when you become angry they become oh just the sweetest person and how could you possibly be angry at that oh my gosh you're so overreacting so that's another thing to consider because it's a natural reaction to get angry okay so a couple other things another thing i want you to consider are you hyper considered i think i've already done this if you're an empath be aware of the folks that are attracted to you if you're hyper consider if you feel others be aware you're kind of a target okay so just another factor and i do want to talk about something i am going to talk more about this there are tests out there in the public domain that can give us a good indicator of folks that have narcissistic personality disorders and there's profiles so there's tests that when i've taught test measurement assessment that i've given for a while there's profiles for what this looks like so there are ways to test for this for your folks who are getting into partnerships or considering you know marrying somebody man this would be very worthwhile uh to have some tests that could give some indication will they follow up on that uh i'm kind of questioning whether they would make any decisions based on that but i'll do some more videos with this hey if this is helpful uh let me know um again be sure to subscribe and let me know through your comments if these are helpful and we will see you on the next video take good care people

Channel: Russ Curtis, PhD, LCMHC

Views: 10,260

Rating: 4.9012346 out of 5

Keywords: Vulnerable narcissism, counseling, starseeds, empaths, psychotherapy, kati morton, Dr. Todd Grande, russ curtis, infidelity, post infidelity stress disorder

Id: auQhfEWxKog

Length: 9min 10sec (550 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 21 2020