Secrets of The World's #1 Negotiator: Chris Voss Interview | Never Split The Difference

you're gonna learn how to profit from things that only make most people poorer this is get rich education with keith weinhold today we are visited by the number one negotiation coach in the world and how did he get to be that person well he's been the lead international kidnapping negotiator for the fbi he's had other esteemed roles like this at the national security council he was the lead crisis negotiator for the new york city division of the fbi where he spent 24 years he was also trained at scotland yard and at harvard law school he has also taught business negotiation at the mba programs at georgetown and usc he authored the mega popular book never split the difference and what else makes him special is that with that book and courses and trainings that he offers he brings all of this expertise to people just like you and he's doing that here on gre today welcome to the show chris voss thanks man happy to be here thank you for having me on hey let's discuss the importance of negotiation every day when someone tells themself either i want something or i need something they're probably beginning a negotiation oftentimes without even realizing it so talk to us about the relevance here chris yeah well you know the most dangerous negotiation is the one you don't know you're in and as you just said if the words i want or i need are either in your head or coming across your lips you are in fact in a negotiation you're saying it to somebody you're trying to get some cooperation from if you get a good long-term view uh you want to at least preserve the relationship you don't want it to get any worse than it is you know because they're always going to have a chance to bite you back if you hurt the relationship so yeah negotiation and everything well i'm glad you really mentioned about the outcome beginning with the end in mind because as you set the table for a negotiation i really think you want to come from the standpoint of win-win right we can both win in this negotiation because no one wants to be labeled as some bulldog negotiator or a selfish guy or oh that woman burns me in negotiations all the time or you don't want to get that oh yeah he's great at doing what's good for him those are the type of things that you don't want to sour the relationship yeah well you know let me let me add some thoughts to two things you brought up um beginning with the end in mind and also when when yeah so beginning with the end in mind you got to be that's a good idea but never be so sure of what you want that you wouldn't take something better so if you're too focused on an end goal what that also means is you have tunnel vision and you're going to miss better deals now as human beings we get we feel very unsettled very disruptive if we proceed in a very zen-like fashion where i don't know where this is going to go i'm open to anything you know most people can't do that most people need to have an end goal in mind to fix on and that's good as long as your goal is to exceed that end then you're not constrained by that goal so beginning with the end in mind is a human nature issue and it's one of the interesting points when we wrote never split the difference tall says all right so what are we going to tell people about goal setting and we said don't set a goal and tall is it tall's a genius dude he's very analytical knows human nature he's like hold on hold on hold you can't do that maybe you guys do that but regular human beings got to have a goal so we said all right your goal is to exceed your goal i mean you got to keep an open mind and you got to understand that if you're really focused on a goal you got tunnel vision i said that was the first point now the other point that i want to talk about you know use the term win-win we don't use that terminology although in point of fact it's what we're talking about the why don't we use that terminology what stops us from it well somebody who orders awards win-win in the first 60 seconds of a negotiation i know is trying to pick my pocket that is a dead giveaway red herring sign somebody says ah you know it's the win-win deal you know i what they really mean is i win you lose i'm gonna make sure i win yeah so the concept i'm very supportive of because if you leave the other side feeling like they lost they are going to find a way to hurt you now the articulation of it has become a dead giveaway for somebody's trying to pick my pocket which is why we avoid the terminology because i know right away somebody says when when what they're gonna do is they're gonna high anchor on me they are utterly predictable got a high anchor you're not going to expect to stop there you're going to want to split the difference meet in the middle which is where you want to be the whole time and you're con on me that works on the average negotiator on the a players they smell it a mile away when it comes to beginning with the end in mind yeah i think you're helping us remember something important and something critical and that is don't see your best or your only outcome as something that's too narrow or you could very well end up being disappointed or not getting what's ultimately best for you both yeah keep an open mind there's there's always a better deal always i can explain to you intellectually while that's true i can explain it to anybody a lot of people like yeah i've been doing this for a long time i know what the deal is the other side is always holding back something that could benefit you always they always have hidden cards tell me a negotiation you were in where you didn't have hidden cards people yeah of course you know i get deadlines i get pressures i get desires i get all sorts of stuff that'll open me up emotionally of course i got hidden cards well if you do they do so there's something they could do that you don't know about that could make the deal better no matter how cut and dried you see it which is why being wedded to an outcome can limit your thinking so as we're setting the table here we're a human being the person you're negotiating with on the other side of the table is a human being and we often revert to these primordial emotions and oftentimes it's that fear of loss fear of loss is what can make one nervous about going into a negotiation so are there any ways to cope with that here as we're setting the table and thinking about going into a negotiation whether that be tone of voice even or something else chris well yeah so there's two aspects of coping with fair loss so that's two separate questions whose fear loss we coping with ours are this usually i would think of my own yeah okay first perfect exactly your first step should be worrying about your own mindset now not sometimes all the time natural human default wiring survival wiring if we do nothing for our mindset our survival wiring is 75 negative survival wiring is not success wiring so to be the the the caveman to survive had to be pessimistic otherwise they didn't survive we're not in a caveman environment now look anywhere no one will ever tell you that success mindset and survival mindset are the same thing they are different so yeah you want what do i do to get out of survival mindset and get into success mindset the first one is ridiculously simple and simultaneously just as difficult to do pure curiosity the curious mindset is like the secret emotional intelligence hack being in a curious mindset makes you smarter you're actually a positive frame of mind you're 31 smarter sean acker hollywood's hollywood harvard psychologist the happiness advantage ted talk that's the source of data 31 smarter in a positive frame of mind pure curiosity is very positive so you're smarter when you're curious you also can't get angry when you're curious it's not possible to be angry or threatened when you're curious i did recently did this interview with this fascinating dude daryl davis daryl davis is a black musician that talks ku klux klan members into quitting the clan now how does a guy talk a klan member how does daryl not get triggered we're having a conversation with daryl he grew up in an air force family grew up all over the world he actually has a very curious mindset he looks at somebody who thinks differently about him he doesn't see their hatred he sees him as being from a different culture and he's naturally curious so he'll sit down with a clan guy clan guys who've literally told him you know i love your musical ability but i hate you because you're black and daryl will be like wow how how's it possible that you don't even know me and you and you hate me that's pure curiosity that's how he navigates this onslaught that doesn't just work for daryl it's a human nature hack you remain genuinely curious you make better deals and the other side will get a kick out of how you respond to them because what it exudes from you people feel drawn towards and they want to talk and their defensiveness comes down because they're not threatened by you in any way when point of fact you got a curiosity is a shield of armor around you that is almost impenetrable it's kind of crazy so it's almost like a dale carnegie how to win friends and influence people thing you're being curious you're asking someone else about themselves or you're asking someone else about their property if i'm looking to buy a piece of real estate from you being curious you're gathering information at the same time you're letting that person talk about themselves people want to talk about themselves so therefore if you say the word you more often than the word i you're letting that other party talk about themselves that's what they want to do well depend upon the context he's dropping towards you and i in now what you're grasping there is you is a quick attention getter for the other side and i is a self-centering device yeah now neither word are bad or good in and of themselves it's very much the context it's in like if i say you're really against the steel and maybe a little bit of a jab in there so i might say seems like you're uncomfortable with this deal a little softer but each time the word you got you in a different way but it engaged you if you could say look i don't see it that way um i don't like it that's a little self-centering it depends upon when you drop it in so both words actually phenomenally subtly impactful how you drop them in into a sentence your gut instinct right now keith is that you're aware that they're subtly powerful and they are we're talking about setting the table for a negotiation getting into a negotiation i think there's one word that you'd like to bring up and that is the word fair f-a-i-r you call it the the f-word because that word can be used to manipulate people because fair is quite a judgmental term yes yeah it's a it's one of the most emotional terms in negotiation first of all fair always comes up like you're not going to be in a negotiation where the word is not going to come up yeah secondly understand what kind of a jab is if you say i just want a fair deal what have i just done i've accused you of being unfair the really manipulative negotiators know how to use that and and but also it's what people say when they're when they're being defensive i just want what's fair is an indicator somebody's being backed into a corner at the same time so it's so effective either way that's why it will come up by the people that feel they're losing and also it's so effective it's why the people that want to manipulate you with it i've given you a fair offer if you don't accept it you have to accept that you're unfair nobody wants that it throws them off their game so it's a very emotional word it has a massive impact how do i use it yeah i get started in a negotiation i'm going to say look i want to make sure that you feel you're being treated fairly the entire time so at any point in this negotiation you feel it being unfair i want you to stop me and we'll go back to that part and we'll fix it see what i've just done is i preempted the problem yeah i want you to genuinely feel like this is a level playing field i also know nine times out of ten the f word's gonna come up so if i know that's common and i let it come at me with no preparation of the ground then shame on me it's coming let's prepare both of us for it so we can navigate it you've kind of taken fairness and made it yours and you brought that into the context of this entire thing and that you're aware that you're trying to be fair to the other party that that makes sense you've kind of taken some ownership of the word fair a desirable word to own in a negotiation yeah you know interestingly though chris much of this talk has started off between you and i you and i like two people are negotiating of course there's often that third-party thing we're often negotiating about so i mean is it really wise to jab at another person for example if i'm buying a five hundred thousand dollar four plex apartment building from you um it seems like well maybe i wouldn't want to say hey hey chris uh you know you're just asking too much for whatever reason it's just not worth that much rather than making it more about the building and like a third party thing and saying well you know the market rents are actually down so that's why i can't really pay you 500k i'd love to pay you that but i'm just looking to get you know market rent for this so it's not worth 500k is it better to make it about the third party thing or more between you and the other party because it seems like that might bring some animosity if it's often between you and i well your your first step there to make sure that do everything you can so that we stay out of an adversarial conversation so you start going to third-party criteria then then you got to have an agreement on third-party criteria now what if i don't care what what the market rents are i don't accept that as a criteria what if i know that i know of a development that's coming into the area i know there's going to be tax changes and i know that uh the present value is no comparison whatsoever to the near future value well i'm just going to say your criteria doesn't matter here's a criteria that matters and we're going to get into an argument over criteria you know i and my harvard brothers and sisters really want to bring in outside criteria to settle the deal like you know it's the facts like what you know whose facts you want to use there's a there's a lot there now i may need to go there at some point in time but i'm not going to go there early on and and and you know the hard part you know i'd love to pay you that much if they're unsupported would you really would you really if the rent supported it would you still like to get it at the lower price of course you would so you know the astute buyer on the other side you got to be careful let's take into an into a different realm where look uh instead of saying let's talk about the wrench just say look i'm sorry i'm afraid i can't do that with no criteria now that's another gentle way of saying no because let's say the market rents supported it if i can show you the market rent supported it does that mean that you agree to my price what if i trap you with your own criteria i could have hemmed myself in right what if the market weren't supported but your budget doesn't your real criteria is your budget not the market rent so let's take a step back from any criteria and see what kind of a deal we can go to now if the market rents don't support it you know you've got an outside criteria that a neutral third party would probably say hey you know chris got a point there it's tough it's a sequencing issue i'm not going there before i have to because there's a risk that i could get trapped by my own criteria when a point of fact if the other side is going to accept the criteria it's an emotional decision anyway let's go see what we can navigate more effectively in motions to start with so if i'm trying to buy the property from you and i just simply say i'm sorry i can't do that with regard to the 500k price is that wise because now i get you talking and perhaps making some concessions or i can find my way in as to where i might be able to get some concessions from you that's it you know that's when we coach people on how to say no that's basically the second way we teach people to say no because a friend of mine used to be the general manager for the los angeles dodgers ned coletti interesting cat yeah very successful yeah that ned his first year is gm that dodgers went from worst to first he might know what he's talking about ned's phrase was i like to let noah out a little at a time so softly letting no out is a great skill you don't want people to get blindsided by no you don't want them to be surprised by it you want to feel it coming a little bit our first way of saying though is with the right tone voice how am i supposed to do that now the issue is not what answer they give you the issue is that question by design stops them and attracts forces them to take a look at you and your situation and say to themselves well maybe there's something here i didn't take into into account it makes them see you in a whole new light which is the point of the question now one time in 10 they're going to say actually less than that one time at about 50. they're gonna say because if you want the deal you have to now the good thing about that is you shove them to their limit without them getting angry and storming out which is every negotiator's job find the limits without causing the conversation to blow up so somebody looks at you and says hey man because if you want the deal you're going to have to and there are plenty of people we've coached in real estate they are in enough deals that ultimately they get to that that's when you trigger in if you really can't do it that's when you say i'm sorry i'm afraid i just can't do that you haven't put any criteria on the table which you can be attacked for it's kind of shocking the number of times that people you expect them to say oh yes you can i know your budget you you you're a real estate investor you got a lot of money you probably ski into a whole bunch of people we imagine our amygdala you know our imagination imagines them coming out back at us with all these answers we've never had that happened like maybe someday that'll happen but you bet you know the issue in negotiations is your batting average you want to raise your batting average and and you know you asked me for sitting in my living and i use i you know i moved to vegas just a year ago i'm not a gambler i moved here for the tax benefits and i always use vegas as an analogy we don't live in an ivory tower world there's nothing that works all the time nothing what you need is the best percentage chance of success these negotiation skills takes you off the table at vegas where you win 20 percent of the time to the table where you win 80 percent of the time it's your choice which table you want to be at now when one's in a negotiation you brought up the term anchoring a little while back i think of anchoring is that psychological mechanism where with the first person that brings up a price say if there is no price out there oftentimes the end negotiation might anchor back more closely to that first price that was brought up i don't know whether it's wise for one to go first in negotiation or not or whether it depends but let me just introduce this since we have been talking about the sale of a piece of real estate chris in a sense between seller and buyer the seller has kind of already begun the negotiation if you will because before that buyer even finds out about that property i can see the price that it's 500 000 i can see this four plex with eight bedrooms in four bathrooms so therefore has the seller already kind of gone first in a negotiation or does that even matter or who should go first yeah well if if you get something that's priced in advance it's listed yeah the seller's gone first yeah now the anchoring question is a fascinating one and my my academic brothers and sisters will tell you to anchor and the top-tier negotiators will say he or she who names price first loses interesting because i thought it would have been up to my advantage to anchor and name a price first it's your advantage on the deals that you made what about the deals that you blew away from the table and that's the problem and that's why the academics love it and the top tier negotiators like i'm horrified that my anchor is going to blow a deal i should have made and that's why i don't want to leave money on the table i don't want to not blow deals and you know every top tier negotiator and i can remember you know over stake in the scotch ned and i claddy and i were talking about this too and i it hasn't failed the people in the business world that are known as the top tier negotiators believe he or she who names price first loses because the other side goes first that's information great negotiators are data loving people you go first you're giving me data what happens if i like the price now i'm like oh here's here's i can take this and i can let you believe you had your way this is a really good price for me and if i get you to emotionally dig in on this price which you accidentally gave me a great price you don't even know it i'm gonna make this deal now how often does that happen how often does it have to happen i want to make every deal possible i do not want to lose a deal over price dropping an extreme number drives deals from the table that i should have made otherwise now what we do as opposed to price anchoring we do emotional anchoring i will say to you look i i give you my price but you're going to hate it i mean i'm i'm i i'd love to give you price but it's going to be so extreme that you're going to get angry you're going to scream at me i'm scared you're going to get mad and now now i'm gonna shut up so you're gonna imagine a price that's worse than what i'm gonna throw out now when i do come up with my price you're not gonna get mad at me because by saying go ahead go ahead you know just tell me what it is you've already braced yourself for news that's going to be worse than whatever i say that's a really good technique you've emotionally anchored me to think about a certain number in my head before any numbers been said yeah because of that you know that survival negative wiring that we were talking about before yeah i'm just kicking it into gear to my advantage i know how it's going to work so why don't i use it to my advantage that is a really great point and something that i had not thought about previously and yeah now we might think about sellers in real estate differently they are the ones that have anchored a price first so in that case what might be some other good techniques to get a lower price if you're a buyer without making the seller feel like they were being burnt or taken advantage of of course real estate's about more than price but a lot of people think about price well first of all i'm going to strip away the negativity about me by calling it out like look you know if and especially if i'm coming in as a real estate buyer i'm going to start out by a real estate investor i'm going to start by saying like look you probably think i'm just another shark that's here to pick your pocket cut your throat somebody that doesn't care about you somebody that is you know i'm um i'm a marauder i'm i'm a plunderer i'm a pirate i'm a sociopathic killer what that does is it disarms people it calls out the negatives in advance you know you don't get rid of the elephant in the room by ignoring the elephant or denying that the elephant's there you get the really elephant room by pointing it out by saying like hey there's an elephant room not only is there an elephant room it's a it's a monster self and it's fearsome what do people do they go like no it's it ain't that bad yeah you know it's not that bad that's br that's brain science backed up calling out negatives diffuses them more effectively than denying them ever will calling them out defuses them every time the degree that it defuses them changes based on the circumstances but it has the same type of effect all the time so i'm going to start calling out the negatives in advance i'm going to be very active in going after them because i need you to clear your head there's a certain reality in real estate there's a reality of what the market on the pricing what the near term predictions are on the market generally six-month prediction is pretty accurate and at any given point in time tr you're not sure when trends are going to turn around but the feel the current feel for the market everybody has access to the data everybody has access to the economic data there's there's a certain number of things that are that are not disputable to make a sale when someone needs to make a sale they have to offer a deal or they can sit on it and watch their value erode that's the reality they can sit on it and watch their carrying costs continue to accumulate that's the reality to get people to come to reality you got to defuse their negativity their sense of loss their fears about their future and their feelings about you you're listening to get rich education we're talking with chris voss about techniques for negotiating especially for real estate investors we're going to come back more and talk about is the use of silence wise is the use of humor wise in negotiation more when we come back i'm your host keith weinhold 71 of americans aren't saving enough for retirement it's going to get worse as people live longer and you need to start thinking differently but you can't lose your time real estate is the investment vehicle that's made more ordinary people wealthy than anything else keith weinhold of get rich education is hosts of one of america's top investing shows disrupting wall street he's an international best-selling author and has been an active income property investor since 2002 he has created thousands in passive monthly income for countless followers now he has a free book the seven principles for creating wealth in your life get your copy now at get rich education dot com forward slash book that's get rich education dot com forward slash book because invest in what produces income for you now and later keith weinhold is your guy sign up now at getricheducation.com forward slash book you're listening to the show has created financial freedom for busy people just like you this is get rich education i'm your host keith weinhold we're talking with chris voss the author of the mega popular book never split the difference we're talking about negotiation since that's such a critical part of real estate investing and there are certain techniques in negotiations that some might want to employ these even have names because they're so well known chris i know you like to employ the technique of mirror rings so tell us about mirroring what is that and how does that give one an advantage yeah the hostage negotiators mayor the business negotiators mayor the black swan negotiators mayor you know it's not not the body language thing that everybody's familiar with you know it's not they put their hand to their chin you put your hand to their chin you know they lean to the left you lean to the left it's not body language nonsense it's a repetition of one to threeish words you teach yourself the skill repeating the last one to three words of what they just said when you have done that enough times yeah then you move it around you get surgical with your mirror you mirror what you want to hear more about it's a great skill that does two things simultaneously gets the other side talking gets them to expand it's much better than what did you mean by that much better you get a much cleaner download of their actual thoughts it's also a great skill when you were caught off guard like they just said something that just make so doesn't make sense that your brain has just stopped if you practice the mirror it's a great way to buy yourself a whole bunch of time to get your feet back under you the other side doesn't know you did it because they feel like you're really listening and they want to talk some more the funny thing about the mirror that i have found really interesting is the few people that are both high iq and high eq and i'm not high iq and eq is learnable i believe you know i work very hard at my eq but the natural born high iq high eq people love mirrors i think it's because it's so simple and it's so effective and that type of person loves simplicity and effectiveness combined than to want and and i've seen consistently the smartest negotiators very high iq people love to marry all the time which i get a kick out of because you know i don't i just do it because it i was taught that it worked i didn't wasn't that quickly attracted to it till i see really smart people so i pretend i'm really smart by doing it all right so we're talking about eq emotional intelligence in the technique of mirroring that you use in negotiation so for example if you've got the five hundred thousand dollar fourplex building you're looking to sell i wanna buy it say i'm interested in price i might try to break you down and say something like well it looks like the roof only has five years of life expectancy left on it what would you say all right so i'm i'm i'm selling and you're questioning the roof and you want me to mirror yeah well i would say five years of life expectancy yeah i'm afraid in five years that's going to wipe out my cash flow for an entire year when i have to replace that roof for an entire year yeah an entire year of my cash flow just five years away so since it's a 30-year roof can't you share in the expense with me shane express yeah share the expense of the roof that you haven't replaced sounds like if we work that out all the other terms work for you maybe they would depending on what we agreed to on the new roof and how much we're going to share in this expense that i'd be burdened with if i buy the building so you're not worried about how much i'm burdened your burden ah now you're trying to marry me back no but you know what you did something interesting there when you mirrored me a few times chris you got me to say something i didn't plan to say maybe you thought that i wanted the entire roof replaced but after a couple questions you got me to use the word share you actually got me down to where now you knew that i was willing to share in the cost of that new roof and then you knew i wasn't asking you to replace the entire thing so you actually did manipulate me manipulation's probably not the right word but you did get me to concede when you mirrored me a couple times and the only reason i mirrored you is because you you told me about the technique so that was really great how you got let me stop let me stop you for just a second too because all right so my observation of your tone was that you didn't feel backed into a corner have i got that wrong you're right i was being kind of aggressive and going for something but what i was trying to do is see the dynamic was we got in we got into a sharing conversation without counter offers without argument without anybody getting upset you know i'm creating a collaborative environment here so that i can get you into this idea without you feeling like you get backed into a corner or drug into it that's what i'm really trying to do i'm trying to expand the conversation what we would have seen before is bargaining offer counteroffer accusations all this kind of stuff meet in the middle also the nonsense i'm trying to take the conversation into an area that's collaborative but you not feeling backed into the corner because if i cause you to feel backed into a corner by taking you there even if i come out on top quote on top in this point you're going to want to get me back elsewhere and the fear of loss that you talked about before we gotta get people back at least at a two to one rate of return to feel even danny kahneman nobel prize winner behavioral economics prospect theory lost things twice as much as an equivalent gain so if i get you to make a five thousand dollar six concession you're not going to feel whole until you've got me for 10 someplace else on the two to one feeling of loss interest that's the hard part about bargaining and conceding was because we're human beings it will never feel equitable and it causes a downward spiral i want to stay out of that i don't i don't want to go there i don't want to trigger enough that's going to get triggered by accident if we got to get into a back and forth exchange now i got to worry about how much resentment am i going to trigger where you're going to pay me back which is maybe you don't pay me back on price maybe on uh something comes up in an inspection nobody foresaw uh maybe something's wrong with the property nobody foresaw maybe you know that no real estate transaction just because you got a signed contract does that mean you're going to close anybody spend real estate longer in five minutes no that does a assigned agreement to close is a journey there is an odyssey he's in there every time inspections appraisals sure right so i mean the beginning of the journey is a signed contract i gotta i gotta watch the resentment that gets triggered just getting to the signed contract because boy if if you if you feel stung you you got to double down on me and that's why we've all heard of deals half a million dollar deal that goes down in flames over 1500 inspection right how stupid is that oh yeah 500 makes no economic sense a 500 000 home doesn't sell because they're in an argument about the 500 refrigerator or something and then people want to see face right people want to say saving face is a big deal in the negotiation even if someone loses more money as long as they save face it seems like people with a high ego will be more happy with that if they just save face even if they lose money that's exactly right i don't want to go there i don't want to lose a deal because i hurt your feelings that's just silly so let me do everything i could possibly do to preserve your feelings of integrity and autonomy because i know problems are coming after we get to sign deal how many how many nothing goes through clean from sign to close nothing so if i know problems are coming why don't i do everything i can to prepare for them yeah well some common technique in negotiations is the use of silence now you talked about being inquisitive and asking a number of questions of the other party is generally being a good technique depending on the negotiation what about the use of silence how powerful is that in a negotiation chris yeah it's massively powerful massively powerful and silence is the three there are three types of human beings on the planet fight flight make friends the world splits up pretty evenly into thirds doesn't matter if you're asian african latin caucasian western european we got a lot of data that supports us fight flight make friends it's the caveman that survived silence is a great indicator of who's on the other side because if you're willing to accept my hypothesis that there are three types then that means that two out of three times you're not dealing with your type two out of three people you encounter if the world splits evenly into thirds two out of three are not you silence is a great indicator right off the bat the very analytical type love silence gives them a chance to think in a negotiation i want to go silent because i want to understand how analytical you are how you respond to it they're very assertive type control oriented they'll make any deal as long as they feel like they're in control think about that if i get you to feel like you're in control you're happy with the deal doesn't matter what the actual economics are if you felt like you were in control it's insane in silence they want to talk love that talker trying to take control now i know oh wow this is easy if i use deference on this guy or gal i win because deference makes them feel like they're in control now the relationship oriented person silence they want to talk to but they're not going to talk about the deal they're going to want to talk about you they're going to want to talk about the life they want to talk about their happiness they'll make any deal as long as they feel like that the process was fair or that it was amicable so i could get you to make any deal that you feel is fair and friendly all of these types have a different criteria that they have to meet other than the economics so let me use silence to figure out which one it is give me a clearer bead on what i need to take to get a signed agreement so that it will go through the close that's my challenge is part of the the beauty of silence is when i'm silent i'm more likely to get you to talk because i can't be talking then and therefore i'm gathering information with every minute that you're talking yes clearly yep you know i want to ask you about one of the best negotiation lines i think that i've ever heard because it's easy to remember it's only five words and it sounds really harmless and yet i think it gets the other party to open up when one's getting into negotiation i like to ask the five words what flexibility do you have see it seems to me like that would make you want to respond with something positively because you you don't want to come up with nothing because you don't want to come off as looking inflexible who wouldn't want to do that so what flexibility do you have what do you think of that line well there's projection on your part sounds good to you and some of the time that works really good and really good and the problem with something that works really well some of the time is we begin to stop paying attention to our batting average with it so a question by any any question at all and first of all what i like about it it's this question starts with the word what and by in general terms what is a deferential word and if you're gonna ask a question and it's gonna be quote open-ended it should start with the words what or how so the design of the question is really good it works really well with assertive types because they love to ask what questions love love love them works fairly good with accommodating types analytical types hate all questions and we drill down with this with analysts a lot of times and and what they will tell you if you can get them to talk is because i don't have time to think up an answer that i'm not going to regret later which is why when you ask an analyst a question you're not going to get a real answer out of them for 36 hours because they're going to want to think it through every which way shape and form before they come up with an answer that's com completely perfect so they don't regret it later that's the way that they think so we need to gather information and we need to gather information on flexibility the same way to approach it is with a negotiation skill that we refer to as a label and to say with the right tone of voice seems like there's some flexibility here now that's an inquisitive tone or you could come at it with a calming soothing downward tone which is seems like there's some flexibility here either way is easier for all three types to answer and it raises your batting average and it goes right at the thing that you were originally designing your question for which was deferentially getting in getting them to tell you about your flex their flexibility and that's a great strategy yeah so analytical types they don't like questions maybe i'm the analytical type then i'm trying to figure it out because you know what chris we talk here on the show a lot about real estate it seems like with real estate or items that appreciate in value a buyer might pay even more than the asking price when it comes to something of depreciating value like a car or items at a yard sale that's when it seems like buyers want to break down sellers on the price for items that depreciate and the last time i sold my car i got a pretty tricky question from someone that was interested in buying my car i think the sale price was sixteen thousand dollars this person called me on the phone they didn't ask too many questions about the car they already got to see the the listing there on craigslist or wherever it was and you know what this prospective buyer said to me he said keith i see the sixteen thousand dollar price is that a sticking point for you i didn't like that i felt like he was trying to you know call me some stick in the mud or if i don't come off the price like i'm just some some jerk that won't budge and i'm being unreasonable or something yeah we just didn't end up making the deal i thought that set the wrong tone for me when he said is the price a sticking point for you i didn't like that that didn't feel right all right so there's two things that i throw out in regards to that um the first one is really i imagine that the way you said it just now was the way this person said it to you because that's the way you remember it now that tonal voice in that context kind of implies the things that you just said you're a stick in a mud you know it implies some things tonality context-wise that don't feel great and so occasionally you can say the wrong thing if you say it with a different point like you'd probably likely react quite differently if i said is that a sticking point for you now that feels differently now i can't guarantee you how much of a difference your reaction would be there'd be enough tone is really massively powerful in what it implies and the way you described it just now you felt he was calling you a name as opposed to being genuinely curious or really asking for your help that's a whole different vibe entirely which is why mastery of tonality will get you more latitude it's not a guarantee but it's a great way to get yourself a lot more latitude because everybody's going to say something wrong at some point in time yeah it's impossible to not say something wrong if you really master your tone of voice that gives you the latitude to make mistakes or to even recover for them because if i said it like that and you still felt i call you a name you might tell me you might say you know i we you'd let me know that that bothered you if i said in a curious tone of voice it's much easier for me to back off and try to repair the damage to the relationship as opposed to me saying in a way that really like is that a sticking point for you you know that tonal voice says bozo [Laughter] you got to be careful about that tone can say a lot and to me in the way that that was said is that a sticking point for you it felt very calculated and it felt manipulative and it just didn't go into a good place so chris this has been some great stuff some really concrete techniques that we're getting from you here today if our audience is interested in learning more about negotiation how can they learn more about you and what you offer uh we got a complimentary newsletter it's concise it's actionable you go straight to our website blackswanltd.com look for the newsletter sign up the book never split the difference sign up for the newsletter oh this has been great material chris are there any last thoughts that someone should know about negotiation maybe something i did not think about asking you but should have you know be willing to let the other side go first if they can't make you agree and they can't then let them go first maybe they'll throw out a good deal that you like you can always take a firm position later on hear the other side out first it will increase your success rate they say you make several negotiations every day of your life so chris voss thank you for helping each one of us negotiate our lives it's great having you here on get rich education

Channel: Get Rich Education

Views: 24,167

Keywords: get rich education, rich dad advisors, real estate tutorial, how to buy income property 2018, abundance mindset, how to get rich, how to invest in real estate, how to buy real estate, how to buy your first real estate, rich dad, rich dad poor dad, robert kiyosaki, compound interest, Keith Weinhold

Id: R9qktGyGOgI

Length: 50min 31sec (3031 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 08 2021