We have Jelai Andres. - Yay! Hello, finally.
- Hi, Jelai. Finally. You know, a lot of people have been requesting for you to be here. Let's talk about your childhood first. I'm the type of kid that grew up outside. The type that plays card games, marbles. Having dogs chase you. Climb up a tree, and then fall trying to do so. You'll come home with bruises. You were somehow boyish? Yes, and all those games were my thing. You grew up in the streets. Something like that. You'd play in the sewers. And when you get home, you'll get scolded. What were you in school? Were you studious? Or quiet? Were you a quiet kid? Popular teen? No, I always called attention. Something like that. Really? I didn't present myself that way but I'd always be the one writing on blackboards. Someone who writes the noisy list. But they say, the reason why the teachers chose me was because I was the one who was noisy, I was the noisy one. - They said you were?
- Yes. What was your dream as a kid? I wanted to be an actress. What shows do you watch? As a kid, I'd watch Ang TV. I wanted to be an actress because I told myself that I wanted to be part of Ang TV. I started out as an extra. A background talent. What shows? Do you still remember? Yes. - In GMA?
- Yes, GMA. I started there too. As a talent. So you really did that. Did you start out as a talent too? Yes. Really? Bubble Gang. I get so happy when I encounter people who were talents like me. Seems like if you don't have a relative in showbiz, and if you don't have any connections in showbiz, you'd have to go through all those things, right? You start off as a background talent. Yes, that's true. How old were you when you left the country? Around 18 or 17. You went there because? My sister said that she wants me to be with her. And for me to work there. So my first job really is an office job. So around 17 or 18, you flew to Qatar then you had an office job. Yes, with my sister. I was accepted there because my ate was a boss. At least, you had a job right away. Yes, because I feel like if I work other jobs without my sister, I feel like I couldn't do it. And it was so hard. You were so young and you were out of the country already. Yes. I'd be the one to take calls. Receptionist. As long as you're pretty and you can take calls. You just say the same things. I mastered it. Until the time came, I rose above. I became a secretary. I spent a long time there. I became an admin. But I didn't stop. To become an actress? Yes. So now, the show "Kung Ako'y Iiwan Mo" came on ABS-CBN. That was late in the game already. A TV series? Yes. There's a show that needed a Filipina friend for Shaina. So they did not need to send another actress for that. So they asked right away. People were saying, "Get Jelai!" So they got me. Until it finished, and it aired in the Philippines for three months. 3 or 4 months, I think. And after a few months, a producer called me. The producer said, "Jelai, come home." "You want us to offer you a contract here at ABS-CBN?" "And we can give you your own show." Jelai Says, Jelai Shows. That was for TFC. Whenever a TV series is aired in another country, there are no commercials, right? Your show was what they show instead. And every commercial is 2 minutes long only. What do you do in Jelai Shows? How to wrap gifts. I'd say, "This is how you wrap gifts." While I say it, I show it. That's why it's Jelai Says, Jelai Shows. And also how to cook. It's just really fast. 1 to 2 minutes, every commercial, that's what's being shown even in other countries. That's where the reposted video of Jon Gutierrez came out? Yes. How did that happen? I already had followers that time. He was trending. Him and his mom. - Jon Gutierrez.
- Yes. He and his mom were trending. And I found them entertaining. I said, "That's cute. Just like my mom and I." As if they were brother and sister. So I shared it. So now, the fans were happy. The supporters were happy with what I shared. So they made fun of it for me. Did you have a crush on him already upon seeing that video? No, I was just happy. Just happy. And then people started to tease me. Yes. And then he messaged me. But I did not reply. I replied after 4 days. It was embarrassing of course. I don't really talk to so much people. His move was, "Hi, baby!" Something like that. You already know his intention. You know what I mean? That's how he messaged you? Yes. His first message to you was, "Hi baby?" Yes. That's why you didn't reply right away? Yes. I waited 4 days. I held back. So after those four days, what did you reply? "Oh, hello." No, "baby?" He just said, "OMG, you shared my video!" Something like that. So that's how we started communicating. Because he was based in the UK before? Yes. And he was happy because he saw me on TFC. Because his mother loved watching teleseryes. That's why he was so happy I shared it. Because during that time, a lot were sharing his video. After I shared that, we started talking everyday. Like 5 to 6 months. - You guys talked already?
- Yes. We would video call. Was he courting you then? In the process of talking to each other, "Let me court you." "You don't have a boyfriend." "You might get one now." They were like jokes, but you know it means something else. So in those talks, you already fell in love? You really will. Because you were single then. Right? - So you fell for him already.
- I was glad to be with him. He's very consistent. The way he shows affection and attention. So when he went home, you finally saw each other. It became official? Yes. Like you two were really a thing then? 2015, right? Because I didn't believe him. I always tell him, "Come home first." "Okay, I'll really do it." And after a few days, he showed me a ticket. He will come home after four months. So it was really... Where did you first meet? In the airport. You fetched him in the airport? Yes. What was the first reaction when you saw each other in the airport? I'm not used to that. You'd fetch a guy and then you meet him. But of course, I already had communication with him before. So when you met him, for the first time, what did you feel? I was nervous. I felt like I was going to collapse. I was dealing with cold feet. Him? He was just chill. And then the relationship started. Yes. We were still awkward together. Because you started in a long distance relationship. And then physically, you're now together. 2016, you posted something pertaining to cheating. So a year after, there was cheating. How did you find out? I felt it. What did you feel in your relationship? He'd keep going out without me. He always has other friends to be with. You saw his phone? Yes. What did you feel when you saw that? I felt like I died. I felt like I died. I grew up with the belief that there's purity and kindness in every person. He just made a mistake maybe. I give chances. Was there a confrontation? Because of course, you found out - that he's cheating.
- Yes. I never had a chance to because I was depressed at that time. It started there. I didn't- I didn't know why I was crying and I almost collapsed. I felt like my throat just closed. I couldn't breathe. Did he see all that? When you cry like that? Yes. What does he say? He would tell me to calm down. And I would be taken to the E.R. That happens a lot. You were brought to the E.R.? Yes. What do they do to you in the E.R.? They try to calm me down. They'd inject something and then interview me. They'd give you a tranquilizer of some sort. And you'd sort of be okay. So I'd stop crying. Like a panic attack? As if I'm getting anxiety. You couldn't control your body. But because it repeatedly happens, which is something people do not know, I think people only knew two incidents. But there were a lot. I went through a lot of pain. But I always try to fight my way in the attempts to make myself whole again. I will make him whole again too. While I'm the one being torn apart. Until I had to be in and out of the E.R. I kept coming back. The injections don't work anymore. He sees that? He knows that. Does he apologize? Yes. And then you forgive him? Yes. It's like everything happened so fast. 2015, you met. 2016, you found out he was cheating. 2017, he proposed to you. Yes. Wow, you're good. Why did you say yes? Even if there's a history of cheating? I forgave him for his history of cheating. I buried that memory. I forced myself to. Because I always say it in interviews. If you can still forgive, do it. If you can't, then don't. Because you'll keep on bringing it up. So now, you have to fight for that decision that you chose to forgave. So it should have been okay. And I was happy. I became happy again. It's like that thing you worked hard on before is finally done. You went through so much until it was whole again. Because you forgave? - Yes.
- Clean slate. You left the past behind. No more ifs or buts. You were so happy. I kept it all in. I fought the urge to fight and argue. Stuff like that. I fought for it. I really did. To make us whole again. Which was so hard. And then it happens again. And you have to make him whole again. It keeps repeating. I always give the purest and cleanest love I could give. But it's hard when the love you give has a price. What is it? A type of pain you shouldn't feel. When I remember this, I cry. I know. All of my experiences. Yes, maybe that's everyone's question for you. Why do you keep fighting for a person who keeps hurting you? Belief. That he will change? I believe in him. You believe him because you love him. Another thing was when we got married. During that time, I needed to fight for our marriage as a wife. I need to do this part. But I don't have regrets for what I did. If for example now, I did not forgive him, I might blame myself for it. "I should have done this so I keep my family whole." "I should have forgiven him." I did everything I can until there's nothing left. Lord gave me a sign. Because I believe that if God wants you to let go of someone, and you refused, He will let you get hurt so you don't have any choice but to let go of the person. Would you say that you were blinded? Yes. Yes. But I was happy during that time. You were happy to be blinded? I was just happy that time. Like you couldn't feel it. The type of betrayal you don't feel right away. You will feel it little by little. The time you were happy, you couldn't feel it. But your feelings weren't stable. There was no peace. You would think I did not ever feel that before. You worry about this and that. There. I wasn't happy the whole year. I just felt it now when my mind was empty. Not that feeling of knowing you'll cry yourself to sleep. It's better that I'm alone so I don't cry. Actually, I just want to help the person too. I'm that type of person. I want to make him whole again. You want to fix him. Until the only thing I could do was to pray. Until I couldn't stand it anymore. Yes. You got tired. I was full of pity. When was that time when you felt most pitiful? The last... Last lock in taping. You were so pitiful? I was. Why? What happened to you? - How did you pity yourself?
- The feeling. Why does this happen to me? I shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't. My mindset was so bad. I would think that I'm not a mean girl. Why did this happen to me? Why did I feel this way? I used to think that way. Especially when we started doing papers, all the legal stuff. There will really be incidents like that that I would expect them to do because they have no other excuse but that. But the feeling of why is this happening to me? I'm the one who's suffering. Why do they do this to me? There was a moment like that. That's when I really pitied myself. I had a realization and I asked myself why I needed to feel that way. Let's go back to the wedding. As we know, women's intuition is strong. You're walking... Coming close to him in the altar. What was on your mind that time? Is this okay? Did I make the right decision? There was a moment like that? Yes. But that doesn't go away. I was happy though. It was so pure. Our relationship was pure. For you? For me. You believed in love. You believed in what he shows you. I believe what's real. And that was real too. Our love was whole and real. But, there are people who know they have internal problems. But, now, I'm okay. I was okay after 8 months. How do you say you're okay? After 8 months, I was happy. I suddenly woke up realizing that... when I started doing legal stuff, I was so down. How did this happen? Anger. I wanted revenge. There was bitterness. You were angry. You're fuming. You're hurt. Mixed feelings. Why is this happening to me? You have self-pity. All of it. But one day, I woke up without the anger. I did not want to take revenge. I wasn't angry anymore. Suddenly. I don't know how. Little by little. How did you get there? What did you do? What I did is I loved myself. I do what I never do before, because I want to. Which is just right. What is it that you wanted to do? I had no friends. I don't socialize. I was just focused on one. He doesn't want me to have friends too. And I'm scared. I don't want him to get angry. He might get jealous. That's why I don't go out that much. I don't make friends. I'm just there where he is. He was your world. Yes. And now, I have other friends. I was always in our house. My pets were the sources of happiness. When I started being okay, I celebrated my "birthday." Because I felt like I was reborn. I was so happy. I wasn't full of anger anymore. I'm not perfect. I said I'm not perfect. They might think I am. But I'm not. I know I have shortcomings especially when and how I react in a way that I hurt him. Of course it's normal to be mad. You just woke up like that? 8 months. In 8 months, the anger faded away. The grudges left. None. When you started loving yourself, you become whole again. You don't need the love of a man - for you to be whole.
- Right. You make yourself whole. The happiness that I was talking about, I could have that without expecting it from anyone. And he is the reason for that. You owned your happiness. I don't want to keep on dismissing the thought of being angry, because I'm the one hurting. I lost weight. You weren't taking care of your looks. When my dad saw me that I was so thin, I really did lose weight, he cried. I didn't obey my dad that time. Your dad told you what? He wanted me to end it. "I didn't raise you to be like that." "You will go crazy..." All those things. Over a guy. Yes. "He's hurting you." "And we don't." I know that they're just keeping the pain. They don't want to show it. It hurts more for the parents. True. When they see their child hurting, it hurts more. Yes. Especially during that time that I was depressed. Don't do that. That's another thing. I did this thing where- I wasn't paranoid, but it felt like you died. Your hair is all messed up. As in. I don't take baths. I was just in bed. I had those moments of rushing to the hospital and the only thing you're wearing is your husband's shorts. I don't know why I wore that. Maybe somebody told me, "Wear his shorts so he comes back to you." No, I'm kidding. I don't know. It felt like I was wearing him. I went to the hospital. In a wheelchair, crying. I kept crying. It was so embarrassing. My sister told me, "Be quiet or else they'll take you to the mental hospital." Because I was crying. And of course, the doctors would come out. I don't know why I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't breathe. So I was in shorts. When I got home, I was okay. I raised my foot. I wasn't crying anymore and I was okay. I had medicine. I raised my foot. And when I did, my shorts had a hole on it. I went to the hospital with ripped shorts. I had no underwear. Intense. That's how much you've disregarded yourself. Yes, something like that. You've forgotten about yourself. Yes. As if you have no care for yourself, "The pain is too much..." I raised my foot, "I have no underwear!" I have no underwear... That was intense. Super. You were shaped by time and your experiences. Super. Because of love. So if we look back, what did you learn about love? You have to love yourself first before others. Before you keep giving, leave some for yourself. Not because you're pure, you think you're okay. You're a good person. It's not like that. You need to love yourself. Don't let yourself become pitiful. I was so happy before. When I look back, I was always sad during Christmas time. During Christmas? When I hear a Christmas song. For example, in a mall, when I hear a Christmas song, I cry. Why do you cry during Christmas? Because I feel like... We should be happy. We're all together. We should be happy. For Christmas? I don't know why but I remember him most during Christmas. I would be reminded of my love life. As to why it all happened. But because I am with my family, I feel better. I feel that way. But now, whenever I hear a Christmas song, I was shocked that I suddenly danced. You enjoyed the Christmas song. I'm not sure. I had moments of being lonely during Christmas. But now, I realize that I dance to Christmas songs. I am excited. So I saw that I really changed. I'm back. The old you is back. I am back, yes. Because she was gone for a while. Gone, yes. As if she was possessed. Possessed, yes. Your experiences were intense. It felt like time shaped you. Yes. Love shaped you. You now know yourself better. Because for the longest time, you let yourself be hurt. You let them step on you. To keep you as a good girl. I know what happened. You failed to value yourself. If you don't give value to yourself, your loved ones will not give you value too. So for you, and for those who are watching to get a lesson, when is the right time to walk away from a relationship? When you don't feel right. When you know it's too much already. It's not bad to try. When you don't have love for yourself and you're full of pity. There will still be people or things that are worth fighting for. Always. But if you've fought the fight, it's not bad to try, when you've done what you can and it doesn't change anything, it will just keep happening to you. It's not worth it. And also, pray. Because God will always show you. I think I know but I don't. I think it's what God wants for me, but no. I was happy when we were together. So I thought that was it. I thought that was the sign from God. Until the pain finds a way to stay. You have no peace of mind. And you're full of pity. Stop it. That's beautiful because the bottomline is, love should not hurt. Love does not hurt. If it's hurting you, it's not love. Right? Love is supposed to heal you. Love is supposed to comfort you. Love is supposed to give you peace. Yes. Love is supposed to give you security. And our happiness should not be dependent on others because happiness is most felt with yourself. Yes, that's beautiful.
