How I Left My Abusive (ex) Boyfriend

[Music] all right who's back to the chaos I said who's back for the chaos in case you missed the first part of this three-part video series about my abusive ex-boyfriend here's what you need to know when I was 13 I was coerced into an abusive relationship by a grown man threatened to harm himself or me if I didn't send him at least 30 snapshots of my underage body every day no matter what whoo that was a mouthful anyway I left off in the last video explaining that this was only the beginning because Harris pressured manipulated and threatened me into leaving all of my family in North Carolina and going to a college that he chose for me 30 minutes from his house in California hashtag relationshipgoals am i right nope nope I'm not now before we get into the thick of it I really want to stress this don't blame my parents for what happened to me stranger danger got it don't know squares don't touch him they taught me to stand up to people like Harris they even tried breaking us up at one point because they were suspicious that this very thing was happening and that's a whole nother story I'll have to get into later just please understand they did everything they could to protect me but mom and dad can't always stop bad people from doing bad things so if you're looking for someone to blame here maybe blame the guy who abused me so I throw it out there if you remember from last time Harris told me to never tell my parents about our friendship but as our relationship grew worse and worse my gut was like girl this is wack and y'all when something doesn't feel right listen to your gut so in an attempt to leave I came clean to my parents about talking to Harris but I was too afraid to talk about the abuse I felt like I deserved it for not listening to them earlier you know so when I came clean I was expecting no I was hoping praying they take my phone away throw my computer in a dumpster and burn the Wi-Fi since Harris wasn't letting me go I saw my parents as the only way out again they tried breaking us up in the past years prior I didn't care what kind of trouble I would be in now as long as they got him out of my life and my parents said look you're 17 you'll be 18 in September you're going off to college soon you an adult if you trust this guy now so can we and hearing that knowing that gross things he was doing to me and knowing if I spoke out about it that he'd kill himself or me I felt like I was telling my parents the biggest lie to their face but I didn't know what else to do because Harris was saying stuff like this you a little later I was accepted to a college Harris chose for me tuition started a $30,000 a year but he said money doesn't matter love does how nice I'm being sarcastic so in February my mom and I flew out to California to visit the school and meet Harris and his family for the first time on the car ride to his house I was holding the flowers we got for his family I remember feeling so torn about it all is this what love is he told me that this is love this is what boyfriends and girlfriends do for each other this was my first real boyfriend too and he was so much older than me so I guess he knew best he also treated me horribly called me fat and demanded pictures even though I cried every time why am I in his house why am I here with my mom why are we meeting him in his parents why am I not saying anything why am I not screaming why am I not Lissa and the first thought that came to mind when I saw Harris in person for the first time was this oh I can kick your butt seriously the first thought that came to mind when I finally met this guy who's abusive and supposed to my boyfriend was oh I am confident I could kick your butt right here right now this kid was thinner than a string bean but the trucker had a BMI of two maybe and look I talk a lot of [ __ ] for someone who can barely hold a gallon of milk when you come into my life and make me feel body conscious you better be bluffing the mr. clean with that attitude up until now I was afraid of Harris but after seeing the weak little chicken leg he really was in person I felt powerful I felt confidence I felt reassured that I could handle his abuse that if he did try to hit me abuse me or even kill me I could defend myself I felt at ease in our relationship seriously that's how messed up your reasoning gets in these kinds of relationships and this is called rationalizing rationalizing is an attempt to explain or justify one's own or another's behavior or attitude with logical plausible reasons even if these reasons aren't true or appropriate on top of that I remember thinking to if I called the police I don't have any bruises they won't be able to get him out of my life for good if there's no physical evidence of his abuse sticks and stones will break your bones but words can't hurt you right I need to wait till he snaps then I'm a victim of abuse otherwise I'm just crazy and overreacting like Harris says I am then we went on our first date we went to a pretty outdoor mall and the plan was to get dinner see a movie and for me to be back at the hotel by 12 but that didn't happen when we entered the theater Harris noticed that we were the only ones there he then pressured me into doing things with him I firmly said no but while we were watching the movie he grabbed me and touched me and I freaked out I told him not to do that and again I said I don't want to do anything in the movie theater after a little while of just sitting and watching the movie he said you know what this is boring let's go and he walked out and since I was from the middle of nowhere and didn't know ooh BRR was the thing also I've literally never been to California and have no idea where I am he was my only way home so I followed him out by this time the rest of the mall was closed and everything was dark there was no one around just me and him and as he walked through this deserted mall he leaned over and said I've had him all night for you I told him I needed to be back at 12 so we should probably get going what we finally meet in person we go on our first date and we don't even make out that's not fair okay we can make out on the car then but after that I need you to take me back and by the way you don't owe anyone anything boy or girl young or old especially when they treat you like this consent is everything consent is permission for something to happen or the agreement to do something and if you have to convince manipulate or beg someone to do something that's not consent there's a really good video that uses tea to explain consent I'll leave a link to that in the description so we get in his car and we make out for a little bit and on top of being a predator and abuser and all-around piece of garbage he was also a horrible kisser that's the tea sis I kept an eye on the time and watched as it ticked past my curfew we should really go now now your mom's probably asleep it'll be fine which was true she wasn't calling me or texting me or asking where I was I wish she was doing that okay well I'm afraid someone will see us making out and we'll get in trouble so I should really go back to the hotel I have an idea how about we go into a parking garage and do some stuff there no I'd really rather just go back to the hotel I'll bring you back after you worry too much no I I don't want my mom's getting out of me [Music] so he drove us to a parking garage I don't like that section of the mall anymore by the time he dropped me off my mom was awake she told me how worried she was how I should have at least texted her should have called her should have said something done something let her know what was going on and I agreed as I took my shoes off I just felt so weird I wanted to scream to cry to tell my mom what just happened to me with that man right there in the doorway but I was so shocked I couldn't say anything I was so mad at myself what happened to thinking I was stronger than him that I could and would defend myself why didn't I fight back why did I freeze up why did I just sit there and cry and let it happen to me no one's gonna believe me now I didn't put up a fight I don't have any bruises and even though I said no a million times maybe I should have said it louder maybe it's my fault after that I flew back to North Carolina and my mental health only worsened I became apathetic depressed irritable anxious I kept having nightmares about that night I'd wake up crying or screaming since February 5th I had completely shut down as if Harris had successfully reprogrammed me to be his little robot when he texted me I texted back immediately when he wanted me to be awake I stayed awake and when he demanded pictures I sent them six months later mid-august I flew back to California this time just stay my whole family went with me for orientation week and move in during this time Harris demanded to be there every second of the day but of course he couldn't and I couldn't change that finally one day I found the courage to put my foot down and say I need a break I need you to leave me alone we can hang out after orientation ends on Thursday and as you can imagine Harris didn't like me having this much control he blew up my phone with his usual threats before giving me the silent treatment Monday night my school hosted a barbecue at the beach and I actually had a great time I met a ton of people who would later become some of my best friends but when I got back to my dorm Harris called me where are you I'm at my dorm why aren't you answering me we're on a break till Thursday just just read what I said and he hung up that's when I realized I had eight missed calls and 24 unread texts I was standing in my dorm room boxes everywhere looking at my school schedule where class wasn't written Harris was and that's when I realized I just couldn't do this anymore but I knew every time I tried to leave in the past he threatened the worst of the worst and I stayed with him to avoid that so me leaving meant it might really happen but I decided I'd rather die putting up a fight then let him have his way with me any longer at least then there'd be evidence and it happened I called him and I told him I was breaking up with him he screamed at me threatened to kill himself he threatened to kill me I hung up and he texted me die die die die die I hope you died you deserve to die then he went silent I was used to this when I lived thousands of miles away from him but now that he thirty minutes north he knew what college I was at he knew where I was I locked the door and called the police I told the operator what was going on and she told me to come down to the station to file a report and a restraining order but that didn't happen when I showed the officer my ID he refused to believe a 17 year old from North Carolina was attending a college up the street and therefore refused to believe anything else I had to say he refused me a restraining order he refused to even investigate he threw my license back at me and said next time leave the adult things to the adults okay sweetheart and if you go running back to your little boyfriend don't call us and look I understand that might be hard to believe but the fact is this is what happens in these kinds of cases some cops are nice some cops are helpful and then some just don't see how fatal these situations can be in 2016 about a year and a half after the parking garage incident I learned the statute of limitations for what happened to me would be up soon statute of limitations refers to a statute prescribing a period of limitation for the bringing of certain kinds of legal action so basically if a crime is committed depending on where you live you have a certain amount of time to report it and this is where people like me get a lot of backlash there are a million reasons why it's so hard to seek justice let alone even leave an abusive relationship I mean just look at what Harris would do some abusers actually go through with those threats some stalk you long after it happens and I'm one of the lucky ones who's still alive to tell this story and on top of that some police just don't listen to people like me they refuse restraining orders they refused to even investigate they refused to listen why you're overreacting it's not that serious quit blowing things up out of proportion honestly hearing those words from your abuser and then from the people who are supposed to help you it breaks you it reaffirms what should never be said I was afraid to go back to the station after what that cop told me but I also knew I deserved and needed help and thankfully a really nice officer who I would love to name but I respect his privacy helped me out but we couldn't get a strong enough case there was no way to press charges against him because we can't prove he sent those messages he could easily say yeah that's my computer and my account but my sister wrote that you can't prove I typed that out and hit Send and he'd be right the only way to fight this is through getting his confession which we tried but of course he refused and blocked my number that's why charges never filed that's why I didn't get justice and that's why he is still out there that's why I avoid going certain places where I know he might be that's why I keep tabs on his social media because he started going places near my school an apartment that's why it's hard for me to fall in love again it's hard for me to trust people it's hard for me to understand what relationships even are or what their purpose is but thankfully I'm with much better people now a month after leaving Harris I dated a guy named Calvin he was super sweet he never treated me anything like Harris did he respected my boundaries and he liked me just for me baggage and all we later broke up because we were better off as friends and we still are hi Calvin a few months later I caught up with a friend you guys might know Chris tanimoto at the time he had just started working for its Alex Clark after some Awkward nights Chris and I ended up dating and that's a really good story I can't wait to tell I interned for a little bit for its Alex Clark and I learned how to do storytime animation on YouTube I started posting videos in January 2018 and I gained a bit of traction and from there I made a bunch of really good online friends and I met them at my first VidCon in 2018 someone also stole my phone at VidCon which had a really pathetic voicemail that Harris left me when I broke up with him but since I can't retrieve it here is a dramatic reenactment why won't you pick up you need to mean to call me back and call me back and here is his final Facebook message to me ah memories after that I landed a summer job working for Tim Tom I kept posting videos and I posted part one of this video and it blew up and I know a lot of people would say to that well I guess things happen for a reason but I don't think so I don't want to thank Harris for putting me through this awful thing just because it led me to where I am now he doesn't deserve credit for that in fact he doesn't deserve anything short of being dipped into a volcano limb by limb and dying a slow and horrible death but that's just my opinion what matters here is I finally chose my own path but after staying in California all these years knowing Harris is just up the road for me he's watching everything I do he's going to places he knows I'll be I better give him something to look at I know there's something here that he's not telling me who's worried because I was like what if he does something to my family age 13 to 18 like that was my everyday you don't know the depths of it you

Channel: illymation

Views: 15,605,395

Keywords: illymation, illymations, illyanimation, illystrations, how i met my abusive ex, how i left my abusive ex, illymation how i left, illymation face reveal, face reveal, illymation part 2, illymation part 2.5, part 2, part 2.5, abusive relationship, abuse stories, storytime animation, dating violence

Id: tXlQBT_RDcY

Length: 15min 35sec (935 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 07 2018