- Hey Psych2goers. What do you feel when you
think about your childhood? Do you think of it as a happy place you'd give anything to get back to? Or would you rather
pretend it never happened? Unfortunately, sometimes parents are not the ones who know best and the choices they make while raising their children can leave their children traumatized. Sometimes these mistakes
are really honest, accidental mistakes made because they don't really know better, but sometimes they're not. Whatever the reason is, the result is often the same, an unhappy child, bringing their pain with
them into adulthood. Here are five of the mistakes parents make that can leave their children traumatized. Number one, fighting in front of children. Do you remember your parents
fighting in front of you when you were a kid? Unfortunately, this is
true for many of us. Arguing is a normal and healthy
aspect of a relationship, but sometimes it's a full-blown fight with yelling, name calling, and sometimes even violent behaviors like throwing or punching stuff. It gets even worse when they choose to ignore a child sitting in front of them or listening to them through
the walls of their room. A study from the University of Oregon shows that the negative
effects of a parent's fight can impact children as
young as six months old. And of course, negative impacts go from
infancy to adolescence. Listening or watching their parents argue can cause insecurities, negatively impact
parent-child relationships, and create a stressful environment in which a child has little
opportunity to grow happily. And when they do grow, they still have to deal
with long-term effects of the trauma they went through. Being more prone to experience
depression and anxiety, difficulty regulating their
attention and emotions, dropping out of school, having unhealthy relationships
and attachment problems, and physical issues like
difficulty sleeping or eating. Number two, using corporal punishment. Corporal punishment is physical abuse desperately trying to hide
under a mask of discipline. How many times have you
heard a parent talk about how they discipline their
children by spanking them, pulling their ears, hitting them with a belt
or throwing things at them? And how many times have
you heard grown people telling stories about how they
were physically disciplined and they turned out just fine? Maybe they think they
turned out just fine, but that's not the case for many people that still suffer from the consequences of corporal punishment. And no matter what stance parents take, professionals strongly advise against this type of punishment. The American Academy of Pediatrics, AAP, encourages parents and caregivers to refrain from using corporal punishment and try healthy forms
of discipline instead. Studies have shown that
corporal punishment is ineffective in the long run, could possibly make the
behavior even worse, damage the relationship with
the child and their parents, and increase aggressive behavior. Number three, playing favorites. What was your sibling the golden favorite child of your family? Favoritism is something that happens often in families with more siblings. Whether parents don't even notice they're treating one child better, or whether they do it on purpose. Maybe they praise one of their kids more, allow them stuff they don't
allow their other children, or give their favorite
child more attention. No matter how it's displayed
or the reason behind it, it harms the other siblings. Being constantly compared to
your siblings in a bad way, can make them think that
they don't matter as much. They might think they can't
live up to the high standards or like their family would
feel happier without them. Those feelings of worthlessness
and low self-esteem are not reserved only for their childhood. Once they reach adulthood, unresolved problems from their past can impact their friendships,
romantic relationships, and ultimately even relationships
with their own children. Number four, emotional neglect. Emotional neglect happens
when a parent fails to adequately respond to
their child's emotional needs. It's different from emotional abuse, because neglecting emotional needs may not happen intentionally. Emotionally neglected children may have everything
they need taken care of like food, shelter and healthcare. But when it comes to their feelings, their parents can be
distant and unattentive. Instead of offering
them advice and comfort, their parents tell them they should just ignore their problems and not talk about them anymore. They fail to acknowledge
their child's emotional needs and they leave their child to take care of their
own problems on their own without even listening to them. As time goes by, those children might
stop asking for advice and internalize their problems further. They may also have a risk
of developmental delays, low self-esteem, and withdraw
from friends and activities. This trauma continues until adulthood when they can suffer from
post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, emotional
unavailability, and trust issues. And number five, emphasizing
good grades too much. Every parent wants their
child to do well in school, but sometimes parents cross the line. Instead of being healthily encouraging, they become obsessed
with their kids' grades, making it the center of their worlds. A study from Arizona
State University in 2016, showed that too much pressure when it comes to good grades
could be counterproductive. Parents who put too much focus on grades are indirectly minimizing the importance of social skills and compassion, which can make children fail at becoming well adjusted individuals and contributing members of society. More importantly, when
parents put such pressure on their kids during
their formative years, they're causing high
stress levels and anxiety. As a result, children whose parents kept pushing them to achieve
even better than they could were more likely to
experience negative outcomes, such as depression,
anxiety, lower self-esteem, behavior problems, learning problems, as well as lower grades. It makes them miss out on
the best time of their lives because they spend their time
studying behind closed doors, trying to reach unreachable expectations. So, did you relate to any of these, either as a child of these
mistakes or as a parent? If you're a parent watching this, try to keep an open mind for some changes when it comes to raising your children. If you see your parents reflected in this, it may be helpful to reach out to a mental health professional to deal with the complex feelings and concerns you may be struggling with. Please like and share this with friends that might find some
insight in the video too. Make sure to subscribe to Psych2go and hit the notification
bell for more content. All the references used are added in the description box below. Thanks for watching and
we'll see you next time.
