- [Narrator] Are you
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algorithm in promoting more of our mental health content. Thanks for being here. Hello, Psych2Goers, welcome back. Have your parents ever told you something that to this day still hurts
every time you think about it? Though we might not always be aware of it, our words hold so much
more power than we realize. This is even more important
in familial relationships. Studies of child psychology have shown that the way our parents talk to us becomes the way we learn
to talk to ourselves. So the way parents talk to their children could have serious repercussions on their self concept, self esteem, and emotional attachment
to others even as adults. With that said, here are eight
of the most damaging things a parent can say to their child. Number one, "What's the matter with you?" If your child's personality
often clashes with yours, it can be difficult to
be around them so much, let alone to parent them. But no matter how frustrated we might get, it's important to always
keep our temper in check and stop ourselves from letting our anger get the best of us. Asking your child what's
the matter with them just because they don't share
the same interests as you or act the way you think they should is only going to hurt their self esteem and make them question their
own sense of self worth. Number two, "I don't have
time for you right now." We all know that taking care of a child is no easy task, even
with a co parent around. And having to balance a full time job along with it can be overwhelming. So it's important that you
keep your priorities in check when making compromises between your work life and your family life. And if you really have to choose the former over the latter sometimes, don't just simply tell your child that you don't have time for them or that you can't deal
with them right now. Explain it to them in a way
that won't hurt their feelings and make it up to them
some other time or way. Otherwise they'll start to
feel lonely and neglected. Number three, "I wish
you were more like this." Just as we should refrain from comparing ourselves to others, parents should never
compare their children with their siblings or classmates. Not only does this breed
insecurity, rivalry, and jealousy, it also makes them feel like
they're not good enough for you and that the love you have
for them needs to be earned. For example, saying, "Why can't you be more like
your straight A friend?" makes them feel like you
care more about their grades than you do about them, which
brings us to our next point. Number four, "You're a
disappointment to me." If you want your child
to grow up as a person and bring you along for the journey, then you need to be able to
make them feel safe enough to make their own mistakes
and learn from them. Do not just attack them
for falling short sometimes by saying, "You are such
a disappointment to me." But rather encourage them to try again by reassuring them that
it's okay to fail sometimes and that you'll always be
there for them no matter what. Number five, "Why didn't you?" Similar to the last
point, asking your child why they didn't get into
this certain college, score higher on the SATs,
make the starting team, or win a competition only serves to make them feel worse about themselves, especially when they tried
really hard to please you. It can ruin their self esteem and turn them into
neurotic perfectionists, always beating themselves up
over every, little mistake, just because your words
made them feel like nothing they do can ever
be good enough for you. Number six, "Because I said so." Studies show that having an
authoritarian parenting style, that is being extremely
strict, controlling, and expecting children to
follow the rules you've set with no discussion or
compromise whatsoever, can have many negative effects on a child. Some children develop poor self esteem and become socially inept,
withdrawn, and dependent, while others become more aggressive, defiant, reckless, and deceptive. Either way, simply
demanding that your child should submit to your will
just because you told them so and that you are the parent here will foster a lot of
resentment and conflict in your relationship with them. Number seven, "What are
people going to say?" Did your child come up to you as part of the LGBTQ + community or get called in the principal's office for getting into a fight? Do they have a lot of failing grades or have trouble making friends? If you didn't already know, it must have been difficult
for them to tell you because they were afraid
of how you'd react. But asking, "What are
people going to think?" Or, "What does that say
about me as a parent?" makes them feel like all you care about is the opinion of others
and that you see them as an embarrassment to the family. And number eight, "I'm leaving
and never coming back." Last, but definitely not least. In the heat of the moment,
you might be tempted to spew threats of running
away and never coming back once you start to feel that your child is becoming very ungrateful for all the things that you do for them. But it's better to bite back your tongue and swallow your temper
than to say something that will hurt them for years to come. After all, even if we might
not realize it at the time, threats like these are
done with the intention of hurting your child and scaring them into listening to you
or doing, as you say. And emotional blackmail like this can make their attachment
towards you and others as they grow up unstable and insecure. So do you relate to any of
the things mentioned here? Are you a parent trying
to learn what to avoid when raising your child
or still trying to heal from the hurtful words of a parent? Even if you're neither,
it's still important for us to be more considerate
of how we treat others and the effect our words
could have on them. As the saying goes, "Be
careful with your words. Once said they can only be
forgiven, but never forgotten." Did you find this video insightful? Tell us in the comments below. Please like and share this with friends that might find value in the video too. Make sure to subscribe to Psych2Go and hit the notification
bell for more content. All the references used are added in the description box below. Thanks for watching and
we'll see you next time.
