[Over microphone] Are you okay? I'm fine. Oh my god, I need to get insurance on me. [♫ Intro Music ♫] Hello Brains. I was diagnosed when I was twelve and there were definitely signs that I had ADHD before twelve, but nobody really noticed. I decided to reach out to my community on Twitter and ask: "What are some signs that you had ADHD that everyone missed?" For this video I partnered with Understood to share their new tool ' Take Note' I'll talk more about that at the end of the video. I haven't read through any of these yet, I'm about to for the first time and you'll get to see my reaction live. Extremely sketchy executive function that I use time-consuming & labor-intensive workarounds to manage. Complete inability to focus on one thing at a time unless hyperfocus has kicked in, then I can ONLY focus on one thing at a time. Yeah, there's this misconception around ADHD that it's a attention <i>deficit</i> when it's really about attention regulation. Sometimes we're paying attention to too many things and sometimes we're paying too much attention to one thing There's a lot of parents that might think their child doesn't have ADHD, Because like, well yeah he doesn't or can't focus on homework but he can totally focus on videogames. Well with those videogames he's maybe getting into hyperfocus. He's able to focus on those better because they're holding his attention better or her attention better, than the homework is. Homework is boring. Things that are exciting are going to engage our brain better and we're going to be able to hyperfocus on them. I literally tried to describe my juggle with long term projects to parents and teachers as 'lack of depth perception- [Over microphone] No no no no! [Over microphone] Jess! Struggle! What did I say? [Over microphone] Juggle! Oh! [Laughter] Right. Yep. One of the things that was a sign for me that I had ADHD that everyone missed is how often I made 'careless mistakes' and I say careless in quotes because it's not that I didn't care, it's that they seemed like carless mistakes but really I was just moving too quickly. Let's do that again. I literally tried to describe my <i>struggle</i> with long term projects to parents and teachers as 'lack of depth perception in the dimension of time'. ADHDers are what Dr. Russel Barkley tends to refer to as " time blind". We have a harder time sensing time in the same way that other people do. And we may not realize how much time has passed. But because I was a 'gifted kid' and my brother was more obviously hyperactive, I never was tested until the military. So that happens a lot. If you have ADHD and you're also gifted; there's a term for that. It's called 'Twice Exceptional'. And it's not like it actually balances each other out, We need support in both. Gifted children need to be challenged in a certain way, and those with ADHD need a certain kind of support. But what often happens is that we end up looking like an average student or like, we're doing fine when really because we're gifted we should be performing better than we are. And that's when we start to hear things like "you have so much potential" " You should just try harder!" as if it's a <i>moral</i> failing that we're not living up to our giftedness. Instead of.. It's ADHD. Reading in a corner as a child rather than participating in conversation with extended family. Oh, yes, yes, okay! Only recently realised I must have been bored because the conversation rarely engaged/included me. Quiet reading was considered extremely rude. I was the " sullen, sulky" child. Yeah that one hits. That was me. Like, I was the kid who walked around with a book everywhere I went. And I knew that it helped protect me from having to socialize and often times I felt awkward socially. But yeah that is part of it. Yeah, reading in the corner as a child is not something that would in and of itself seem like an issue, but in combination with a lot of other things it absolutely was one of the signs that I was not fitting in with my peers. There was some sort of a disconnect there. I always thought people hated me, always switching up friend groups, irritable and hard time engaging in social things because I can't pay attention long enough. Oh and spending habits. Even used all my money on other people. Yeah, there's a lot to it. ADHDers tend to be more prone to rejection sensitivity. Which I talk about in this episode. Switching up friend groups.. Yeah, a lot of us felt.. I think we kind of sort of fit into a lot of groups, but not really <i>fit</i> with any of them. And that seems to be a really common thing. I like to think of it as like "we're not flowers we're bumblebees" We pollenate. We bring things from one group to another. We bring things from one job to another. And there's something kinda cool about that, but it can be.. A little bit lonely and isolating too. Some of these are making me feel things. Executive dysfunction. My mom used to go on and on with "If you would just do it, why are you so stubborn?" when I literally couldn't force myself. If I had help, I was fine. But no one wanted to help me. It's even worse as an adult. I really hope I get proper help soon. Yeah.. ADHD comes with <i>a lot</i> of invisible barriers. And they're often invisible even to us. Like, we don't understand what it is we're struggling with. And so it's often true that we take on the explanations that others give us Like, oh we must be "stubborn" or we must be "lazy" Or we must be "irresponsible" or we must not "care" All these things get repeated to us so often that we start to believe them because we don't have a better explanation for it. Because we're kids. How are we supposed to know how other people's brains work and why this is so hard for us? But a lot of the time what it looks like from the outside is very different from what's happening on the inside. If you take <i>anything</i> away from this video, I hope it's that. That it's so easy to jump to the conclusions about why somebody is behaving a certain way, or attribute it to being stubborn or misbehaving or not caring When a lot of the times we're trying, we're trying so so hard. And we just don't have the skills yet. We don't have the executive function to do it. Maybe going to the bathroom only when I'm about to burst? I hyperfocus and my brain ignores the cues until it can't anymore, and only then do I run for the bathroom. <i>Only</i> when it's urgent enough. So many close calls! This is parallel to how I treat tasks and deadlines. This is parallel to how a lot of us treat our gastanks. When things are urgent is often when that need kicks in or we even become aware of it. It's like.. It doesn't even land on our radar until then. I don't know. We're very 'now' or 'not now'. Things are 'now' or 'not now'. And if they're not now.. They'll probably never be now. I'm trying to reframe that for myself. Not now is.. future now. That does need to land on my plate at some point. Going to the bathroom is important. Mornings were absolute hell. Still are. I was a disorganized spaceball. Couldn't keep track of my work or pay attention. Teachers singeled me out as a <i>Bad example</i>. Half the time I didn't realize they were yelling at me because my mind was literally off in outer space somewhere. This makes me sad because I feel like it's still treated as a moral defect if we get distracted. And it's <i>not</i> a moral defect. Getting distracted is <i>not</i> a moral defect. It is a result of how our brains work. And that is not our fault. Any other condition.. Not managing our symptoms perfectly would not be something that would be considered a moral failing. But with ADHD it is. Like.. If.. I.. Yeah, this- this gets to me. I need a minute on this because.. For the most part I don't get angry on the channel. And when I get sad, like.. I get.. I get sad. The thing THAT I want most from the world is for people to stop being yelled at for things that they struggle with. That they're trying not to struggle with. The thing that bothers me about is it that now we're piling shame on top of the struggle that already exists. And so.. Now our burden is a little bit heavier because we're not only having trouble focusing, now we're having to carry the guilt and shame of having trouble focusing. And being the 'bad example' or the 'bad kid'. And... That's not fair. It's not. Being super enthusiastic about DM-ing a D&D game only to very suddenly lose any & all interest just before we start a game. Like.. Literally at table about to start and just. I can't do this, sorry, let's do this other random thing I'm suddenly now interested in. I would crack up so hard if I went to somebody's D&D game all ready with my character sheet and everything, trying to remember what happened last session because I was distracted and didn't write it down. And then suddenly the DM is like "You know what, we're going to play paintball" "That's what's happening now." I would crack up. That's probably a huge social faux pas But I would get such a kick out of that personally. Putting a hand up to answer questions in school without knowing the answer or before the question was finished. Literally forgetting anything that wasn't attached to me as a kid. People saying that it's hard to follow conversations with me sometimes as it jumps all over the place. Yeah that's a really good one. Conversations jumping all over the place from topic to topic sometimes our hyperactivity isn't physical- it's not external, it's internal. It's talking a mile a minute. It's thinking about this, then this and this and this I mean there's a reason my editors have to edit my videos down and there are these jump cuts because I.. Yeah, conversation goes everywhere. Chronically messy desk at school and at home. Messy school bag, nothing was ever neat and prim and proper. My teacher wrote: "Great content but <i>why</i> so <i>extremely messy</i>?" on my final creative writing paper in high school. I always lost my school supplies, my notebooks, everything. I.. I did well in school. A lot of ADHDers actually do fine in school. There are not behavioral issues but that extreme level of disorganization is a really good sign that something is going on. And it's easier to laugh at, it's funny.. It's.. You know. It's easy to joke about and not take seriously. There's the stereotype of the 'gifted eccentric', like, professor with papers everywhere and there's something almost socially acceptable about it but the truth is, it gets in our way so much there's so much work that I've done and I have to do again just because I can't find it or things that I have to rebuy because I don't know where I put them Those organizational challenges are cute and funny when you're <i>five</i> but when you're <i>twenty-five</i> and you realize that you can't get a job because you forgot to show the Fixit ticket to the police officer and so you now can't get this company car job thing, It's not cute anymore. It's not funny anymore. It's a real struggle. It has profound effects, like I want to be really clear that even the symptoms of ADHD that don't seem that big of a deal to others can have an incredible impact on our lives in terms of how it spirals. Losing this leads to losing that leads to losing a job leads to.. Now your partnership is falling apart because you're not working. It just.. It compounds. I don't know even where I'm going with that. [<i>Frustrated scream</i>] Get support! Support your kids. ADHD is a <i>big</i> deal. It's a bigger deal than most people realize. The truth is, ADHD is often hard to recognize. Thankfully organizations like <i>Understood</i> are working to make it easier. If you're not familiar with <i>Understood</i>, it's a non-profit organization that supports those with ADHD and learning differences. Like dyslexia and dyscalculia. Through education, awareness and community. They have an incredible website with a tonne of information about these conditions. And a new tool to help parents figure out if their child's struggles might be due to ADHD or learning differences. So we can get the support we need sooner and thrive. The tool is called <i>Take N.O.T.E.</i> It's free and it guides parents step by step through the process. Notice your child's behavior. Observe it over time. Talk to people who interact with your child. And then engage with your child. I've been exploring the tool myself and I love that there are explanations and resources for each step. Observe has an interactive page where you can input what your child has difficulties with, and explore articles based on that. And they can even send you a tracker to help observe patterns over time. Which is so important because when taken individually my struggles didn't seem like a big deal. But the frequency with which I struggled with them was. If you want to learn more, check out their tool at u.org/howtoadhd and let's Take N.O.T.E. I hope you found some of this relatable, useful, funny? Inspiring? I don't know. Thank you to my Brain advocates and all my Patreon brains for allowing me to do content like this so that the next generation <i>can</i> get the support that they need. Let me know in the description below what the signs were that <i>you</i> had ADHD that nobody noticed Now we know better what to look out for so hopefully people get the support they need a little bit sooner. Like, subscribe, click all the things and I will see you next video. Bye Brains! [♫ Outro Music ♫]
Sometimes I get this odd sense of imposter syndrome where I wonder if I really have ADHD, then I watch a video like this and feel so seen.