The Church Of What's Happening Now: #633 - Theo Von

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had a little bit of a Lehmann and I could take with me and keep somewhere and a little like a wheelbarrow but for lease I poke Liam when it owes breath sounds nice thank you yeah and pillows in there - I'm just putting you in there on the metal that's like some people would do put you under a warm Lampley I said I would do starting to get creepy now something I'm hostage ain't going down and be a good pet you little buddy look like a chain around his neck where the [ __ ] chain hooked to the wall and stuff like that yeah but a nice chain like a gold chain I don't know if I go that hot girl they know go for it you can't put a silk hat on a pig I'm saying it's [ __ ] Thursday November 8th kick this [ __ ] mule weekend man as as good as it [ __ ] gets the oval praise God sly the Family Stone no not you the gristle missile baby Thursday morning what are you [ __ ] nuts 20 of life no-parole fresh from Buffalo New York you didn't have a [ __ ] beef on WIC I didn't have any top that I didn't somebody threw a piece of meat at me tall order street corners I don't know if that would work or not read it now which is the roll the roll is called wick oh no it's nobody told me that shy should come in here for your fun way I know like a travel agent - no no I just know what quality using wet yeah and nobody makes a bad [ __ ] beef on wicking Buffalo like it's like a disgrace for them really yeah it'd be like disgraceful to make it snow yeah feel vassal disappointment and get that [ __ ] thighs [ __ ] Parag using the Polish neighbors now crap Iraqis fried like dumplings only you know it's not cat yeah for people like Leah I'm on a little bit of cat but you've had Fox meat Lee I don't think so have you yeah that Fox where was this it's not much it's more ligament than muscle but it's good you know Fox uh and dude the crazy thing about Fox I was talking about this yesterday to some money but dribble hug no we caught a lot of [ __ ] though and we used to bury animals we live by like a road where a lot of animals would get hit and killed so we bury him you know the first animals I spent the most time with we're animals I would have been hit by vehicles and so I could we would very mostly dogs what else I think something else one time this thing looked like a damn [ __ ] small bear bra and it could have been you because they have Louisiana black bears a lot of things you know and I'm not saying they're black or anything like that I'm just saying they happen to be black when people see them and they're just you know in awe but we would bury all kind of animals that would get hit by us what are you [ __ ] undertake I see on that animal I leave it the [ __ ] alone it's bad luck yeah but it was I don't think it were alive and they were suffering and you shoot him in the leg yeah whatever the [ __ ] you do but if they're dead this is Department of Public Works that's in charge of clean animals yeah but Department of Public Works up think comes for people that are paying taxes and people that got you know they didn't come bus dude they had some they had a veterinarian or something or like uh some dude somebody used to kill throw dead animal carcasses in a ditch outside of our house right for like seven years my mother would call every week well coming over on big animals to cats and possums in my neighborhood look I and I wish I would have had to have never we had somebody they had a uh I guess this person was a veterinarian that's somebody that deals with animals helps animals out and so this person would come and whoever they were at night get throwing dead animals you know instead of paying to get rid of them they probably cost maybe seven dollars to get rid of them you know the whatever I'm sure there's legitimate thoroughfares how you get rid of animals but this dudes out there you know chucking them in the ditch I guess on his way home because our neighborhood was kind of a cut-through between like a nice area in town so um you never did like a stakeout to see who's throwing animal carcasses do we not no I mean we were out there lie but we never saw the guy unless he drove by and didn't throw one out because we were out there but then what creep kind of sits next to an animal car he'd probably throw it out elsewhere but anyway so the um but anyway yeah my we'd go out there all the time my mother would call every week come and get these you know the kids are out there beating each other with people chasing each other with [ __ ] you know [ __ ] horse skulls and [ __ ] but it was it was at that Christmas teakettle and if I could serve and Lee a couple cups right big fart sponge baby welcome to Africa Lee normally I like all your the sayings I don't like the fart sorry I'm sorry but and I'm just joking about that I didn't mean that I would never say it I know it's funny wouldn't it people take you to it it's been like two podcasts he farted on me oh I do need some countries that's up in Japan that's like a that's like buying somebody a scarf oh he's got the thighs of a [ __ ] kung-fu fighter son do you got to know different nomenclatures and how to give a pug bra in Africa they hit you at a [ __ ] pipe or if they love you get a little air appetizer brush read your nose tree just snout to some of that [ __ ] free booty pasta bread brah oh my god Lee man do it so funny you know sometime when I'm not even joking about when I would need to think about something good you don't think about Lee man well thank you that means a lot yeah I think about you man I think you think about you too laughs you mean just the stuff you say randomly I just want to hang out and like listen to what you say during the day to yourself i just i feel like it's hysterical this conversation game you write here already I think we might be a little cask alone oh yeah I know you're talking about peppermint they call it the run from coming out of the closet pretty soon they say hey you know the boy over there little little longer [ __ ] I don't care eat it brah I'll let you hang off my dick like I'm [ __ ] Mountain killer I would never let Lisa not you guys but I I don't have the same relationship but here but you're still friends I'm friend where do we I wouldn't [ __ ] him out let him touch my dick a little you know saying down around the holidays brother so make his day oh he's a prison ham this guy brah [ __ ] love that boy you know this one I told we walked won't walk early one night mm-hmm how much money we can make with Leon the inside just sitting on people's laps dealing carts and robbing it yeah bringing this back you can't just sit on someone's lap but they're not gonna let it end it just lap sitting brah not in prison because they live in a urinate brah won't female think you're Indiana doc you're a female 10 G's beautiful of wit guarded oh yeah and just mug is dick with your [ __ ] neck Lee you got to get out more get off the internet bro you got to go hitchhiking man I really don't I don't want you now you should go I say well there's a school project yeah I'm gonna end up dead but what school are you in you doing classes online no I need to be classes here this is the only how old do you li third you know are you really yeah I thought you were like 19 dude I wish are you really 30 years old yeah you thirty years old oh my god bro my whole perception of you I thought you were like a like a you know he was a kind of in turn first came in young man that's awesome and now you don't like me as much join man I don't know it's just different you ever noticing you learn something about somebody you didn't know you know like you see somebody and they're like a lawyer or something but then you realize they're like a sorcerer or a son or they do say shady [ __ ] you see I'm like ballroom dancing and you're like this [ __ ] guy ballroom dances I always act that always takes my brain a minute or if you see big big person and it got their stomach stapled and now dude I was at a pool one time nice to work on this farm in the summer times the ELSA in Natchez Mississippi and they had a and this dude don blankenship i'l guy every year right and he come out there and I keep an eye on him cuz it dude weighed probably seven or eight hundred pounds bro you know what I'm sayin he broke the gate every time he come in he [ __ ] it's in the pool trust me nobody's drowning all the waters out and the [ __ ] kid who's sick is laying right there no he was the perfect he was the guy who came to put the cleaner in the pool and so but he'd opened the gate Brian every time he walked through it and bring both sides of the gate now like he was just uh he was gonna die soon you know when you saw him you know she treated him well and that's one thing I like sometimes about seeing huge people who remind you how to treat other people because you're like oh this person isn't gonna be alive very long so you would be extra nice to him and so but then done once I'm up there laying by the pool and uh and this skinny guy comes in you know he could have fit through the gate with 90 of his [ __ ] you know quintuplets or whatever and he comes through the gate and I'm like who and he keeps talking to me and I'm thinking the guy's kind of a you know peppermint hunter bruh you know what I'm saying a little tender and it turns out he's don blankenship Lincoln Stein he got the stomach thing and he lost all the weight and he was a different person now he wasn't the same I don't know it wasn't the same in our relationship was never the same as when he lost as when he lost the weight I don't know what we're talking about think about when somebody takes away your passion if you're an either yeah you know it's like when you first get sober yeah you know I was telling Brogan the other worse two words in a person's life is sober and diet I don't want to be involved in drugs yeah I don't want to be sober either yeah I never want to be sober because it would make my battle my inner battle too rough yeah I know my limits was cocaine I know my limits were pills I know my limits with alcohol I've known my limits when I was 25 they think I did after 2500 because I wanted to play knew my limits right you know what I went when I got locked up I couldn't imagine a world where I could smoke pot Wow you couldn't imagine that I couldn't imagine ok cocaine I understand not having a girlfriend I understand being broke but I never understood a world where I did not smoke weed huh when I was 25 years old we've controlled my mood what did he do for you think I was in so much pain when I woke up and I didn't know that then you never know what when you're going through yeah yeah you don't know that it takes 20 years to look back yeah you know I was thinking about it to learn how let's take me a shower that if I quit calm you tomorrow you would be the sign back up in college and take a psychology class oh wow psychiatrist and do whatever I had to take I'd probably be 65 but at 65 I would help so many people so deeper yeah because I went through it yeah this is not somebody who studied it I went through it wrote about it looked at it I think about it I think about what made you I broke it down from the macro to the micro well you could put yourself in there you could put them in your shoes and vice versa when you become a comedian yeah if you're not brutally honest with yourself it's not gonna end well Wow and in life in life in general yeah head about comedy and life in general if you're not brutally honest with yourself it's not gonna pan out for you yeah you have to be brutally honest and a lot of people can't be honest brutally honest with yourself like this is not gonna work you know it's like I want at 2729 like him with fat like at the age of 30 yeah I was I had made decision a decision to do comedy yeah but I also had to make a decision about this hell I was living in I was living in this party out okay drugs and this going to be clean for three days oh yeah and then snap one night and then tell myself how this was the last time yeah I wasn't one of those [ __ ] at a party that was talking about it and by this time I was partying by myself and this went on for maybe a year and a half yeah and I think by 1995 and a half I came to a conclusion like they say in the program then you're a [ __ ] junkie yeah and I had two decisions to make I know I could either be a junkie and keep fighting this but the reason why I became a comic was to be a junkie I want I read that Lenny Bruce book and that's the reason why I got into comedy so if I'm gonna get the comedy let's make a deal how do cocaine three times a week mm-hmm and that's how it started I just came to terms Wow so you're thinking I'm gonna get into comedy so I could do cocaine I was thinking I wasn't gonna do comedy to have a life I read that book we slept with strippers yeah he opened up jazz musicians and I was content with that and I know that books we talked about being rich yeah okay no part of that book they talked about being rich they talked about money he looked at the Chelsea Hotel he just talked a life about being what was happy for him yeah and at that time that's all I wanted had been through a terrible marriage I had already done time so I was just seeking to be happy but I knew I had a mend inside could you was a real yet a deviant soul your soul was pretty sound like kind of I bifurcated I was living you know this wasn't who I was I was a nice Catholic boy who I believed in heaven in hell and I had a belief system your inside didn't match all your behavior right by inside the nuts right that added to it yeah so no one has that now I had to have been in a conflict with drugs [ __ ] you this is who I am I've accepted it yeah and whatever happens happens that's it no [ __ ] big deal nobody guess they're feeling nice drugs again Lee found one huh you find an boy welcome to Easter bruh y'all killed Jesus here he comes back Blake and he brought a dirty bag of [ __ ] baked ham out of a [ __ ] cave this smells worse than your necklace smells like the game's feet to the Walker yeah boy it's not like [ __ ] Thanksgiving nice prison shower shoes off at night and sleep on Cantina what's that little summer camp but smell like they been walking for 20 [ __ ] days those poor people Oh hundred Oh walk 30 hours in a twenty five days and they're really coming what are they gonna do up here do you think I think they're trying to seek asylum you know living in Honduras El Salvador right now those are not good places deliverance a man yeah my father's Nicaragua you know they're my father's real name if you know anything about Central America I know like your salvador is the price is high they're killing people down there you know there's a lady who I talk to from time to time when she told me she goes only for Christmastime and then she has a house down there but she can't retire down there oh wow because they just kill you on the streets you should there's more murders something like that that effect so I don't know if it's all sour I'm just gradually but right but well yeah if that's your neighbor things can be great where you are if that's the neighborhood you're in you know that's heartbreaking it's a different you know it's like when you read the Roberto durán book you know he grew up on the street so come anima you know he grew up with this guy that was called no magical with some [ __ ] and the guy was like a shaman and he taught about a hustle on the streets on them on the streets you know that Central America you know if you ever watched Miami Vice either the second or third episode of Miami Vice I read the book I think doesn't there's no there's no [ __ ] book cousin is Miami there's an interesting scene where was the drug dealer Cuddy there's a drug dealer cutting the deal but he's got like a coin yeah at his hand and what happened it was like four eight-year-old Jews over the world in different corners Jesus magic trick no no no he's talking a business deal it's like you coming to me and you want to buy 20 kilos of blow okay and what are the little boys doing yelling they're like [ __ ] assassins oh really the eight-year-old assassins that come from [ __ ] Hut's with their family Jesus and they're just waiting for their next assignment they're all probably packing a gun or a knife and they got no shoes on but this drug dealer playing with a coin and he would talk to the people at the way I'm talking to you and then from time to time I would just flip the coin in the air when that coin landed one of those shoeless kids would run out and [ __ ] pick it up like it was of watch wow you know and I remember thinking years later about that scene the help that's how you know Pablo Escobar's got those kids to love him and in Colombian yeah he went to the poor kids that had no options and he said no no put a thousand in your pocket every week but you're gonna kill [ __ ] for me just like that no questions asked but it gave him a feeling of purpose you know I mean money talks and [ __ ] walks you at the end of the day money talks and [ __ ] really does I can blow smoke up your ass or I could put two G notes in your week and your hand every week but you've never had a dollar bill again yeah and tell you look I'm just gonna send you to people's houses yeah I want you to slit their throats kill their kids their mothers the dog Jesus let's take our goldfish I want you to poison them to Jesus you know that's that's how do you think rat poison or something whatever it's disappoint the [ __ ] point I'm trying to make that that's how you get God you don't take the an American ghetto here you know that's why they call it or whatever social social color economic they call the Christ it's not a crisis it's coming from somewhere poor yeah and what you need to do to get out of that situation yeah you don't know anything better man and yeah you just I mean I do dad this guy when I was growing up named Eddie right mm-hmm and he could have been [ __ ] 13 and he could have been about Miss 16 or [ __ ] 50 right I don't know what he was but he always drove he had a 5.0 Mustang you know or he drew 5.0 on the side of it or whatever remember it could have been a [ __ ] it could have been a you know a Pontiac Renault or whatever I don't know what it was but he always had these two girls bro sitting on the back of it and I do was the king you know whatever he said when I was a kid we would have done it cuz to him he was the king he had a money hit a piece-of-shit Mustang but he had the Mustang you know and he was a champ and he would buy you know the chicks would have like daiquiri drinks Brian whatever you know they need floor and one of them we go rolling out the [ __ ] back right on the concrete what do you do for a living I don't know and I didn't care but if he would have said something to do like come do dick like I when I was a kid I would have done anything he said cuz he hung out with us and he spent time with us you know he'd throw the football around with us and he was a good guy I think you know I mean I still think he is a good how old are you he probably maybe 7 8 10 12 years but he like could drive he had like the ability you know he had a car he had women he had you know he had things that when you were you know an adolescent 12 years old 11 years old you see that you're like oh this guy has mobility you know this guy has ability this guy has women he has everything so anyway I'm just saying I can see how it should yeah you know you're not thinking about anything else when you're that age and you have none you're young you get influenced oh I wouldn't get influenced mm-hmm but I'd look at guys there was this guy that I hung out with that was always at the bar in the daytime he was really good-looking mm-hmm not Samuel huh no no if I was 17 he was probably 22 no I think this guy's a little older than and it was uh it was a bunch of guys that hung out but I'm thinking about him in particular and he drove a Corvette they didn't have a job and what his scam was he worked after year and then the other half in those days you would collect an important oh yeah you get a boss that would tell you I'm gonna lay you off for six months like an informant party cripples AZ column by UGS then you'd either take book or sell coke and that's a great living cuz you clear in 1600 a month already you sell coke making you know and this guy would drive a Corvette he was a piece of [ __ ] he was the piece of [ __ ] he probably was he wasn't a piece of [ __ ] he was even had no career Ryan said he wasn't a role model his girlfriend owned the business mmm and she had money yeah and I remember how that appealed to me for about a month and I was like there's no appeal in that I want my own money right you know I'm saying like you learned through life like for a month he impressed me mm-hmm did he had a girlfriend that paid the bills mm-hmm but even at that early age I mean he knows me right because he ain't paying the [ __ ] bills not that I could pay the bills at that time either I grind ain't no bills I was 40 but it's just crazy the people that you look at and you're impressed with you know it's like when you watch those [ __ ] movies like I was watching the other night Empire was up mmm they'll watch Empire like the worst drug movie in the world but it's it's on Beatty once a month it's one of those movies that's always on between seven and nine you got a spot at the store 10:30 oh yeah and you got no choice but to watch it because there's nothing else on [ __ ] TV yeah it's either that or bull racing live from Bulgaria [ __ ] and there's one scene where a guy goes up to him John Leguizamo's like the street drug dealer yeah then he goes up to me he's like a minute I really wanna can I touch your deal and he goes I wanna I want this new Playstation behind me John goes how much is it he goes it's a $300 the kid goes three houses the kid wants the money to do the guilty he goes no it's $12.99 and Leguizamo goes I'll give you the money but you gotta do stuff for me oh yeah you gotta clean my car so help me God if you you know like he's telling him what he has to do when he lies in the games like that you know those kids grow up wanting to be a junkie oh yeah yeah this right that's the first person they get first personal guest yeah yeah that's interesting your first influence how does that yeah where that first influence is not your dad how much that influences you that's interesting it's really weird and it happens with comedy it happens in anything that you but it happens when you're a young man oh yeah I was confused [ __ ] this twenty would at 21 I was confused as [ __ ] oh yeah cuz I didn't want to work I wanted a [ __ ] new car I wanted money and I wanted [ __ ] and I want a coke what was the work Joey sure anything and I really thought that the [ __ ] Bluebird happiness it's gonna just drop it off at my door Wow like I like a look use both of the eye right now I'll tell you like I had no idea about hard work I wasn't a lazy person right but I work what's the work yeah why don't I try to put something together so I can hang out the bar in the daytime and I don't have to go to work I mean that was my deal from day one these long as I didn't have to work in the daytime yeah do you ever think that like you know you wanted to arm you know have like a you know like a uh do you ever think that you wanted to have a [ __ ] man I forgot I was going to ask you you don't even smoke weed them you better get your [ __ ] together start smoking is what happens if you get sober you get [ __ ] where'd you go to college for they get stupid that's like [ __ ] Michael Corleone E&C at the end of the Godfather damn and I couldn't have any idea coming to my head man no I think it's funny how yeah what your influencers are you know the first person you see do this for that but then yes sometimes you are able to see past that like yeah there's some people you know we had this dude by us mmm like you know and this guy now runs a tree company right this guy's centered a lawn and he he had a dude days to do this one where they had a lot of sinkholes I grew up around a lot of sinkholes you know I mean you'd have somebody you play hide-and-go-seek and somebody [ __ ] you never find you know you [ __ ] you go not like you know you go knock on somebody's door next to hit her whole [ __ ] house is gone you know it's like I grew up in a lot of Louisiana like half of its sinking you know it's like a sinking environment so were you from in Louisiana Covington Covington Louisiana were coming is about 50 miles north of New Orleans that's it yeah did they get affected by Katrina yeah yeah everybody lost their roofs that's a big like over there there but the house falldown people lost their roofs so when you were growing up what was Covington like was it a [ __ ] deathbed was the project's was it middle-range no it was a hat your parents have a little bit of money enough to sustain know my dad was [ __ ] oldest [ __ ] dude I think he was always sleeping on the couch used to go drink at this bar called Tony Pedone he's and he would take me over there during the day and the lady would say I'm Lee chocolates like I put in my mouth one of the bartenders back there big Jan it was [ __ ] I think there is the Jew you job nice clothes my mother dressed as poorly man I don't know where she learned a dress I got of an Indian shopping like a Native American catalog if you need for sure did you need no it wasn't like you lived off and me down or anything so covington is not like you know some [ __ ] neighborhood that's you know where your dog is missing no I lives off like I got hand-me-down clothes but I didn't get hand-me-down shoes like every year my mother got us a pair of shoes you know my mom did the holidays with your mom do for a live delivery he delivered what newspapers cookies magazines what about you guys you some amazing called news on wheels you remember that magazine you go to a dime store whatever the gas station my dad didn't do anything well oh you know my dad used to do actually this is funny he used to go to the guy he used to go to colleges remember they had to do to the colleges that would sign people up for credit cards you know some [ __ ] old dude barking over there throwing frisbees at kids and [ __ ] you know said that my dad had that job this towards the end of his life my parents weren't together anymore but my dad had that job and he would take me there with him he let me drive him I'm 12 years old right I had a little growth spurt I was that 510 that [ __ ] lean bad boy you know ligaments only son dude sometimes I want even bones part of me was just ligaments reaching out and hoping that the marrow caught up you know that's the kind of guy what what did your dad do for a living before I don't he used to be like a travel agent you know he did a lot of crew like he wouldn't sign people up for cruises and stuff between porta viar-toe where's that at Mexico yeah between Mexico and America and the geography yes Central America Christ I got a deal with you I walk in his room I can't think not know why others even though that dumb [ __ ] yeah so they're in the Central America and he would he was like a travel agent I guess what do you do when he was young he wrote for the newspaper you know he had a family he you know he was kind of European in a lot of ways he liked to be you know he worked with the church he liked to do a lot of he like to just sit at like the coffee place and talk you know I think he drank a good bit how do you feel about religion at this point you're like my need I need a higher power you know and I you know for me what were you raised I was raised probably Christian you know sort of definitely I mean but nothing heavily I just always wanted there to be a higher power you know I used to pray at night and that sort of thing but you know now I just needed to be a higher power because I want to have faith you know otherwise I feel like you feel alone a lot there you go hit him with that [ __ ] Christmas hit or bra that [ __ ] war on you [ __ ] that [ __ ] booty Star of David that era calamari this is not even Frank an Aqua Velva so yes I got the vanilla I switch them you accidentally buy strawberry less the worse you get out I got Mexican chocolate over now Champa talk to hooking the video she's not bad either by switch the vanilla today the Mexican chocolate you reach in for the scoop and a knife [ __ ] positive carry at the end the carry when she grabs I head for the rocks what's the matter with this guy what about you [ __ ] farted on me three times in 30 minutes you were having Wow yeah make a wish yeah you know about 300 you've welcome blowing his food out his eyes are starting to [ __ ] heat up dude I'm sorry Lee man I feel like I'm being rude no don't be goodbye he loves all this [ __ ] yeah if there's no bring in that wheelbarrow go get that Wilbur oh and it's got pillars in it to be nice and I put you out under a lamp like how old were you when you were driving you dead to campus dude I was 12 years old so that put him at 80 yeah he was 82 so he was driving he'd sleep on the way there I'd stop on my buddy's house dude long as he was rested I guess I was [ __ ] showing off I had a delta 88 suddenly my friends are still you know going through adolescence you know inside trying to you know blow a flute to get their dick to [ __ ] get taller you know like they see on those commercials in India and I can hear I am pulling up you know in a in a Cutlass and a Delta 88 I go in on my posh come out get in the back seat let's go for a ride right so my buddy Scott get back there and we would just [ __ ] cruise around do my dad sleep and and hear the thing my dad's neck was real bad too even if he woke up I would just tell Scott keep it quiet back there for a minute you know I'll just tell him we're lost or getting gas or something today my dad would go back to sleep and I cruise around a little more and then take my buddy back I mean get it 12 13 years old a friend picking you up we pulled up with a sleeping senior citizen do people thought that we were [ __ ] kid hug kidnappers bras senior citizen kid last time you blow up on time [ __ ] I think maybe we smoked the cigarette but there one time brother there wasn't time I do remember this I'm driving back from Hammond Louisiana and oh so this how I kind of got in a fight I got in a comedy but this the first time ever really spoke in front of people's my dad would get people to sign up for the credit cards and he got a dollar-fifty from the company whatever any college kid the Sun up and now looking back it's like getting college kids to sign up for a credit card he probably started half at a [ __ ] you know you know he probably ruined a lot of people's young that's what they do what they do that's what they want to do they want to tangle you up at 19 right so did you take that first story alone you getting correct yeah Esther it's automatic you got your name goes I don't list the eligible so I'd be on the table my dad would have me on the table and people come over and I would start barking at them getting them to come over you know hey you you know you know guy with the nice haircut or something or the black girls a lot of times you know they have all the extra hair you know I'm talking meat of a girl of a [ __ ] rope swing Annie hanging off the far side of her [ __ ] head you know you got summer campers swinging off the back and jumping into a river you know black girls have that long extra hair and you'd see them and you like hey you know and be sweet to them and have them come over and and you would make friends and you would be entertaining and you get them to come over and then my dad would try and sign them up for the credit card you know you know what's crazy Theo you just make move Miami so it's so weird how people saying like that chicken that people don't know that chick Flo mm-hmm that that girl that got all those commercials oh yeah sorry I saw her I don't know additional one that and it's funny that Flo was packed up and get rid of leave this town and she booked that campaign now she's a gazillion a hell yeah you know and it's so weird that Josh wolf left Seattle in September he's a funny guy of 96 this is what a nice guy too huh and my plan was for him to come down at that time we were very tight and my plan was for him to come down check out the waters and I would come down in eight or nine months and once I made that decision mm-hmm like all these opportunities started opening up for me the first one being and I got this job so he went first he came first September in 96 he left his girlfriend up debt and I lived in the back house and she was pregnant so he came down here first to get them set up I lived in this bad guest house with just you and a lady it was that scary they had kids I ain't sure one of the kids I was tight with her she was a great lady right okay I just haven't seen we were dear friends yeah cuz he's married to a different woman now Ben yeah yeah I'm completely different medicine so he came down first right away I got this job yes company that I know people and those [ __ ] this was a cigarette company no this is [ __ ] this was a [ __ ] idea and they paid me $15 an hour plus bonuses this is 1996 Jesus which is 20 years very good money one years ago that's great money and what it was was calling pizza parlors across the country and getting them to sign up for a service that a half-time it was a chain that's what it was that's what it was it was Domino's Pizza it was a scam no Domino's Pizza I cut a deal with the NFL mm-hmm that during a game if a Domino's sign came up on your screen you got $1 off a pizza hmm but to get that deal you had a son like Domino would make its affiliates pay so I had to call those affiliates and make them pay that extra money to get so what it would do is as soon as they called Domino's that number it would go to whatever Domino's paid I say this was a scam inside of Dominus right it was like yet I work for a Domino's affiliate that was calling Domino's and saying listen we'll start a new program starting August 14th yeah and here's the deal every time people watch another phone game this would be abdominal banner on the side and say call now get too long oh yeah I remember that fresh delivered pizza make sure the hot beats on the screen don't sign up for that the calls won't go to your pizza joint right the calls are golden the pizza joint in [ __ ] North Hollywood man I registered no hot really shitty to see what the corporation was doing from within but I didn't give a [ __ ] right yeah you can't fight that battle I could sell like a [ __ ] I so I was pulling down I was born after I watch of the week growing 9 oh how why do you ever quit that 35 hours a week like 10 the [ __ ] floor like something easy this is what I'm saying I quit that job a step because one then at the [ __ ] the underground a guy approached me and he goes hey man at John's Club you have been a the old calendar girl and John Fox is home yeah John pots his old man that's a great runner says no no this is 95 there's a completely different room it was differences on the swanee yeah and some guy came up to me and he goes ain't men did you ever sell before like yeah you know I saw whatever and he gave me a job selling phones mm-hmm that was just too good to be your hey phones pay phones so I would cell phones and advertises that newspaper at the same time you know me dog I'm a scam why don't I buy phone from you right now anything not to [ __ ] have a day job yeah so I would hang out by the train station mmm-hmm and I will need to sell your subscription for the Seattle Times hmm why would I ask you do you have a cell phone I would take the song of cell phones cell phone and he gave me a cellphone little limited minutes now in 1997 yeah you were king out of it and if you call like an advocate if the guy was giving me like it for every line that I opened huh the guy would give me like 400 bucks and he was kept like 16 I knew that this time she he told me the truth he was wrong I'm making that much money because if somebody bought I followed and got a line the company this is 97 before people are having a lot of pitch from right yeah this yeah so cell phones so phone yeah the cell phones were a little bigger yeah I didn't get her cell phone until itself until 2000 so if you signed up there was a kickback the guy would give me a kickback it's huge I was going over there everything giving him seven eight numbers even close to real formal Wow and I would stand the more I can't believe I just remembered that I would stand at the mall I'd either and while buying stuff I've written more know I was by dick I would be that guy than the wing bones a real way when it was raining I would go to the everybody rub know that would sell [ __ ] subscriptions to either The Washington Post The Seattle Times oh yeah or a [ __ ] cell phone and the cellphone was paying me [ __ ] it was just amazing yeah the guy would show up every server it's at the [ __ ] underground give me 1,500 I was like jesus [ __ ] intervene I can't even imagine so the whole month of December I was making money so did you even want to come and do comedy than what you got that money I would have kept that no I kept I needed that money I was paying child support I was paying an attorney I wasn't [ __ ] so much debt it was coming out of my eyes plus I was snorting blow but now I'm making six seven thousand a month sounds [ __ ] cell phones and a mall every [ __ ] day and now Doug Stanhope comes for New Year's and I open up for him he talks me into moving to LA so my point is that it's really weird how places trick you right when you say to the universe I'm gonna leave you get the best job in the [ __ ] yeah when I love Seattle I was pulled down sixteen hundred a week just selling cellphones never mind [ __ ] blow subscriptions to the Seattle Times if I had let the do I'd say you know you're pushy lined up or you know I lived with a stripper a little girl that made money and she iPads with the rent with her we lived in a [ __ ] wheel [ __ ] and I no no we were she stripped and she was Christian so I slept that said different beds like [ __ ] the Dick Van Dyke Show we lived in a [ __ ] RV we live in an RV at a place where you back your RV up yeah they connected oh yeah cable TV you got you had a shower in your RV or or they had an Athletic Center this place was tremendous oh my god it was there for 20 years it was a collage koat or something it was a good kid no a little bigger it had a bigger name a better reputation yeah bro that restaurant was a crazy breath walk in they had three or four restaurants real restaurants they had a gym a pool shower what was it a movie theater in Kent Washington where [ __ ] you know was was living in Kent Washington at the time Henry Hill know where Henry Hill was living problems jeffrey dahmer when he from there at the white know he's from Milwaukee Wisconsin [ __ ] I'm thinking we can't the Washington had a [ __ ] RV park yeah with the stripper in an RV and a dog what a lucky guy Midway mobile villas mobile man it's not trying to sell you the name believable they wake up in the morning walk into the building we brush our teeth I give her a stab and we'd walk into the building wow-whee two eggs sunny-side up eggs like nothing at the diner they had a diner in there then we go back to the thing watch TV for a while I'd write timely and then we both go into the gym over this when yeah we'd slow down cuz that's how you have to take a shower you took a shower cause you had a working place yeah in those days I was homeless so for me to take a shower I'd have to work out oh yeah I work out twice a day I was tip-top [ __ ] Google I loved that when I moved to LA I was in great shape it's what happened to me I fell apart with once I got II I stopped doing everything but do you so now I'm thinking about this while you're telling me that so I'm like you know that when you say so when you when when you start to tell the world or you know you tell like the powers in the world you're gonna move the universe when you tell the University you're gonna move that that's when the universe like starts to give you things to keep your little curveball that you write they throw a curveball so then you gotta be somebody that then you I mean that's like that's kind of is that the difference between some people and other people you think that you you're willing to just say okay look these are great things but I'm gonna still move away from this and take my chance that cuz some people would just stay do you think like there's something inherent in certain types of people that are then like okay I'm gonna put this on the line and still move there are people that will come to me and say to me Joey I'm a comic I'm moving I'm putting away money and moving to LA in two years that guy's dead doctor is dead yeah that's never gonna happen you got to build us somewhere else that's know that were you saying when you have the urge to make a move you have to make a move oh I see what you're saying the people procrastinate that move will give you a reason why yeah they're looking for something before on their lap so I don't have to move saying they're gonna get itself genius pay no they give themselves a two-year span and what happens you meet some fat chick you knock her up yeah now your dream is quashed because you got married so you gave yourself without yeah sometimes in life we gives ourselves our own happen yeah but sometimes the universe gives you an ounce and you have to take advantage of it you know the universe will give you signals yeah don't tell your science you know if I have up to you if a bounce ask to come to you to tap you on the shoulder to tell you it's time to leave yeah you [ __ ] up yeah you don't want to put the drink down and get up and walk out of there ya know this because you're an adult and because you've seen how people have acted once a town like I've overstayed my welcome yeah because I've overstayed my welcome I realized when it's time to go right this time the door was time standing out this time I know what it's time to go I'm the king of Norwood I'm the guy there was a place I used to rob constantly used to work they robbed constantly yeah I knew I couldn't do it anymore because I was gonna get caught and my reputation and my life was gonna be [ __ ] again mm-hmm I forced myself to quit I took a 50% pay cut yeah he was stealing right because I was stealing but I knew eventually I would get caught there was no because that's the way like drinking water smell that [ __ ] this [ __ ] you guys are like a married couple days no no this is what sex in your sixties is like dude yeah huffing somebody's movie poorly he's been sniffing twice isn't that what signal to his t-shirt he said a man we in our area to add a lot of sinkholes right because Louisiana is 8 feet underwater brother if you look at New Orleanians that city is 8 feet under it's below sea level so here's the ocean right then there's naturally a bottom and that's where they built New Orleans no that's so that's why it always floats constantly there so it's all get everywhere around like our whole area Louisiana is a swamp you know but they had an arm a company for land when they wanted to build and before they had an you know now they got the surveyors you see a dude out there in the morning you think he's a pedophile he's taking pictures of children or something but he's looking for distance with the lame with the orange vest and made him put orange vest on because everybody thought they was you know touching children are looking for children and now but before that they had they would hook a [ __ ] rope to you [ __ ] bird is hatching what this book is that my farts I'm smoking it on that's all right now that's gonna come on like that Kareem said yeah that's that [ __ ] lunch Ana make it ricochet off the chair ricochets off the nine called a ball and it goes right to his nose he gets them nobody knows on the farmer I've been farming like this for 50 [ __ ] years oh wow I know how to point my hip yeah I know how to Bank them off the back the back I know how that oh yes you know Robert Parish a [ __ ] farts a button beeps a sec yeah so I could even bang it off the wall I got like a pool table right here there's a certain cut I eliminate hot oh yeah open the door look at that that's warm air that's coming out of my ass it's real let's dough that's how I miss you dude your ass really [ __ ] hot oh [ __ ] look at Cleo taking off the shirt and [ __ ] music Leo Leo Leo [ __ ] come on man slow 25 I've been held 25 I spoke 25 don't be such a hard don't be so hard on him but I'm from you get two letters writing somebody's name that [ __ ] counts too if they don't respond after that if you get one letter right I just felt like Leo yeah but do so they would put kids on they this one needs to put kids on chains and they happen for please walk out into a field and see if the [ __ ] earth fell under them that's when I that's the area I was you know what Evers advantage kids oh yeah they definitely did look it up searching for sinkholes [ __ ] set buttons over here you know is it road type it in I'm sorry leave I'm being aloof with ice [ __ ] look for kids tied up looking for sinkholes my listen 10-4 what's wrong with you he's [ __ ] with you I'm not [ __ ] with a man tie no kids up next thing you know it's high it wasn't like it you were kidnapped the [ __ ] forties these people they would tie Chinese people up and throw him over the cliff with a stick of dynamite and that's how they built the railroads he's [ __ ] huh yeah man really the Chinese built a railroad I was a [ __ ] country and that's how they were tested to see if it was good land they'd make them go over the cliff with a stick of dynamite on a rope or some [ __ ] something [ __ ] creepy Jesus that's why I don't think that would be use of white kids to see if there were sinkholes they had to be like from other countries or something like that no didn't have any kids from other countries boss black kids that was it and then weren't using them to do that but they would have kids made it wasn't a day I mean you wouldn't it's like you're falling into [ __ ] you know in the like Haiti's or anything you would just fall like six or eight feet you know that's enough some guy felt two weeks ago to a gonna prattle you gotta kill three rattlesnakes is you see the light with this news I'm gonna came out with blood rattlesnake bites Albuquerque so far I'm sure I happen the valley somewhere this whole [ __ ] town you could be walking fall into a sinkhole some guy found to a sinkhole in his front yard he was swimming [ __ ] dude I could feel it in my legs if I'm near a sinkhole dude no joke I could feel it in my legs and that's from growing up in that area man you I swear to God you know like you know how senior citizens know like in their spine or spinal rattle if it's gonna rain like you could feel that in your legs man growing up where I grew up you could feel if the ground is uh you know gonna be solid or gonna you know start to give away I mean you got to understand how soggy it is in Louisiana man you guys are it's soggy man you know the whole state the whole state you built do you [ __ ] build a doghouse in the morning it's [ __ ] 30 feet away you know so what I see in the news all the time is really like it it rains a lot in Louisiana as a whole Baton Rouge mud roll yeah all those towns and the water just yet though it's so right there on a sea level you know we're probably above sea level right here I bet see we check and see what we are lead to you mind looking where we are above sea level in just even if you put like Los Angeles to do City would not even what would not we're up a little bit not you know Colorado up but we're up yeah you know what what scares me about Louisiana will do all AIDS as a whole did they prepare it for another Katrina I don't think that way they rebuilt it did they [ __ ] repair it like that they really no I don't think they may go back there do you see anything different I mean I still hear that this place is thought of just done from Katrina still areas that are done they rebuilt a lot but did they rebuilt it to withstand cuz Katrina's between the storms it just something get stronger right and every year we're gonna get killed it will location whether it be Galveston Houston you know Tampa Florida it could be one certain location yeah it's gonna eventually go back to New Orleans it's gonna be worse than Katrina its usual clavering in New Orleans most people but I don't know what happened they had they uh I mean if it wasn't a sinkhole already after Katrina I would have knocked that [ __ ] down filled it with more dirt dirt dirt dirt you know yeah that's the obvious the mayor got put in jail Ray Nagin went to jail he went to jail the chocolate badgers so that means that means that the money then get used for fun because right every Marion always went to jail right were they feeling they're all stealing Morial all of the dudes have always going to jail for New Orleans yeah how they all corrupt yeah and when Edwards use the governor of Louisiana but he was super corrupt that dude they well yeah it's just a corrupt place man it's just I kind of you know it's like pirates and [ __ ] it's a little bit it's like Tampa but they build a whole state out of it no I was gambling around Louisiana yeah yeah gambling right there in the walls you got all the boats and you got Harris has a land casino the only one allowed and they showed that New Orleans when they got hammered that they showed that Harris oh yeah they showed the comic that was there they didn't know that the comic that was there during Katrina her billboard was sideways he was a comedy store guy oh wow as they was uh James Stevens the third Wow and he was at that casino that week had the interesting get his take on showed Katrina when they showed New Orleans they showed arrow sign sideways with his name on it and that's why I was just really interesting a big I haven't been to New Orleans since I I've been to New Orleans two times but the second time was a lot better than the first time yeah the first time is all the most uncomfortable situations I've ever been in in comedy wow really I took my grandma blow and I got the car drove back to Houston yeah that's everybody's story and the hotel was kind of a little weird the people a little weird when I went back to shoot grudge match mm-hmm since I didn't have to go to those weird spots they're more comfortable it was more comfortable they put me in a hotel that was it was a hole they served three meals a day Wow what do you think is and it was the food was delicious yeah the food was out of this [ __ ] world man Wow I don't know what the name of the hotel was you know you had your own floor Wow tremendous but I still remember sitting in the living room like in the dining room wall like it was like the Last Supper tape mmm and Here I am all by myself they gave me the whole floor yeah show you how to use a card face and maybe three or four floors five floors I think uh we're almost downtown a little bit off the city gonna it was a little bit off the city and had a you had to be downstairs from seventy nine to twelve to two or five to seven to eat dinner D and they had two or three things on the menu there was no choice if you picked one thing it came with a soup salad yeah it was [ __ ] super Wow and I know that the one thing we had a party and I went to the club and it was superb it was this dirty as I had been the first time yeah when I went to New Orleans the first time it had to be 99 98 well the ones is out of its [ __ ] mind with Katrina mm ah no no 2006 when I went to New Orleans in 98 to do comedy that time I took a fall out mm-hmm it was either 98 or 99 and dog I gotta tell you something from the minute I parked the car to the minute I walked in the hotel to walk into the gig I thought I was gonna get jacked yeah I'm [ __ ] Mike you know a lot of my man I've jacked people right so I felt like I was gonna get jacked you get the feeling even the street lights are [ __ ] telling her you letting it [ __ ] those people at every corner it was lookouts yeah people bumping into you and years later they made that movie focus about pickpockets and then when they were number one they gonna superball Wally Wow and I thought about that movie how that day I saw pickpockets yeah too many people bubble into you a lot of brothers why carry a lot of brothers with bad intentions you know it's a black on black crime there especially at late at night it's crazy my to drug the situation yeah reminded me like I'm walking and some guy comes up like I you know listen you're gonna do all these you gotta go downtown you don't say yeah you got to go to the French Quarter you gotta go take a walk down there so we got into town maybe to checked into the hotel and we're right down there yeah I mean I wasn't on that block a minute and I got a flashed out back to 42nd Street yeah in the seventies where people yeah come in yeah I mean I gotta go about drinking yeah so I'm walking I might make him believe like I'm having a good time there's tons of people on the street and right away something that came up to me oh yeah so were you looking for a play y'all have a baby carriage full of hope okay I don't know what you got yeah he knows about this I got this I got this I got let's get some cocaine let's see what you got it doesn't matter I got cocaine I'll make you dance as [ __ ] yeah you go stand right here my play oh come over and talk to you give him the money then I'll come back when it's all that [ __ ] I even heard it at the mo yeah that's how it always is and that happens a lot and I thought I'd be nicer within four minutes yeah I got a lot of idiots won't see it well the tour is still looking for drugs and they want it fast nasty and they just gonna get robbed they do that [ __ ] man I went back to the hotel when I got to the club the doorman that's me yeah you get anything why you talking like we're not give me a grand pow everything it was beautiful yeah I took it to the hotel room into the line and even the front desk people who I thought were gonna rob me like everybody there just seems so [ __ ] [ __ ] up it seemed like a movie I mean I there's a lot a will [ __ ] me up they knocked on my door why soon as I got to the hotel room Oh dad's back took a piss I washed my hands I took the coca I chopped it up I opened up a beer I took like two sips out to be I haven't sit back with me when to the line of coke dog one little wine I put the coke away and the door knocked and when I hoping that the guy was like oh man I'm just checking up on you making sure you're okay and I was like the [ __ ] you doing yeah we're adults brother coke hit me a little bit but not enough to make me paranoid it will [ __ ] me up yeah I called the other comic I said Dawg what are you doing he knows nothing that you feel like driving home he knows I don't want to spend the night here either Wow we both got in the car now after that was mine and I never forget walking back to the car it was 11:30 and all I could smell was [ __ ] vomit yeah oh if you down by the French course if it's gross it smell like but they're redoing it now they're redoing the street yeah I called you last week you were in new house in Baton Rouge are you a Baton Rouge I thought you were New Orleans but dude even in Baton Rouge man I'm out there we're taking the kids I got nieces and nephews you know and their little tigers and all kinds of [ __ ] you know costumes and we're taking them and you'd have you know couple you know brothers running by like I got coke you know I got coke gonna squat they're [ __ ] taking the kids like trick-or-treating you know I got Molly what you need like what the [ __ ] that I'm already you know to get the kid dressed up like a damn Mountain Lion I'm not doing a bunch of coke at the house you know he reminded me of Times Square like there was just patient mark in that [ __ ] I got coke I got [ __ ] drywall what are you got drywall in my hand look I'm buying that at night the guy I was with that was driving was a good nice feature actually he was likely yeah and he was petrified y'all even think he's in the business this leaked open for you now no no no no no I'm talking about this guy I've been doing it for like ten years eight years yeah he had a job yeah and he drove me and he was like either do drugs and drink he had a girlfriend hmm he was a Christian and I'm a believer that the job he was scared he didn't feel good yeah he didn't like it the gig was like a once a month thing mm-hmm like that it's behind us right people yeah that night drunk people problem I didn't even get it audience they paid you and I heard maybe a month later they cancelled it yeah every time that happens in Louisiana they don't want comedy man good on one car because they like to hear the stories they do nice you go to my cab Mike what's-his-name had a club down there my buddy Tommy Pancoast was the deejay over there and then he ended up being the gym for a while at the funny bomb yeah that's how I started I was there when the girl was dead Chris Chinese his girlfriend what's the matter that Shreveport that's oh is that Shreveport okay does Baton Rouge still have a club mamrie's doesn't how about Shreveport it moved over to Bossier across the river DuBose your city opened up for Dave Attell there one time and Tommy I [ __ ] Andy Dick tried to blow me at the casino there right then how about this three years later I'm back there again Andy Dick's there shooting something again offered to blow me at the casino he forgot it offered me three years earlier and I told him no what a small world you know have you Sadie how did somebody office he had a girl he had a little hit man so he bait you with that [ __ ] and then switch it out for his own wiener well hon I was like his move in such a girl over yeah you want to come do something wild or something and then you come over you know and you'd like be thinking about her [ __ ] or thinking about her tits or something and while you're doing that he'd suddenly he's there and then they're talking about like a threesome or something and then she goes to get you know get something get drinks or get a salad or something and then you're [ __ ] sitting there it's just you and him you know and you're like [ __ ] this [ __ ] but you know I'm not doing this I'm not [ __ ] out here looking for sink holes for [ __ ] $2 an hour you should call me a [ __ ] decade ago Brooke and tied a chain in my back [ __ ] you dude that to [ __ ] you the exact well he'll [ __ ] you like a bichon on [ __ ] on math bra he got arrested again recently do you know Danny I don't know he's got a beautiful son no his son is a fine he's a nice kid Sonny uh Lucas or whatever his name is how are you gonna do comedy yeah I met the center company because the son of other always tries to do comedy as well Andy Lucas dick is his name he's a super nice kid he's actually pretty funny I don't know if he still does it or not yeah Angela and I'm not judging I don't know if he everybody's in their own world sexual battery what sexual battery I don't know do bracha [ __ ] add two charges to it I'm sure I mean it were triple-a batteries I saw his dick brush nothing to [ __ ] look at through yeah he showed me a dude and I didn't look for a long time I'll tell you that brother you know is a kind of dick you could see in one glance like some dicks you gotta be like oh you got almost look at both sides to see the real you know to see the whole city but this thing it was a little Township right it was something to have in South Africa Soweto villages or something so no the end man a guy tried to in the car try to grab my dick that's one thing yeah but a guy picking his dick out I don't know what I would do I think you just walk away man or you say something crazy you know I wasn't like I'm not like a if somebody wants to be wild and they're on drugs I'm not a fine you know here's what works for me no I'm out brah you know I don't do all the party meat and all of that so there's a certain element of your manhood there's a certain element of your manhood you know that one day you decide what you what you are and what you're not gonna do yeah I have nothing again nothing whether you want to be a transgender if you want to be gay I have nothing about yeah actual orientation if you want to play for the [ __ ] Tampa Bay Buccaneers I don't give a [ __ ] what okay even Boogie Nights you seen boogie man yeah you seen only saw it once though okay there's a scene where the heroine boy buys a new car and he calls Markie Warburg to see it and they gotta mix out with a monkey monkey walk because what the [ __ ] happened he doesn't really know and she tricky that [ __ ] to me like I would know what I do like if somebody went to make that with me yeah somebody know what to do what if they were like a world champion of something I still would know what like dude if some [ __ ] you know some guy who sells you know salads or something trying to maybe looking at you on the line of coke and going you know what feel yeah I love you know this I switch sides in time to time I think you're very handsome right I think you would say to me Joey you're my dog and I love you but you and me can't bat that way I don't yeah [ __ ] I think you'd be mad at me for a week you tell a couple of your friends but then over the years we'd forget about it that's one thing if we were coked up at 5:00 in the morning and I came clean with you that I banged a couple guys from time yeah binaries I got a wife but I'm bisexual that's yeah but for me to be snorting coke with here yeah house yeah I almost like go to the bathroom like come on you're naked on your couch hunting fun I gotta [ __ ] you up yeah I got a wily smack in the face yeah to make you I don't know I don't know how I would react I do something I don't know how to react if you just took your dick out if you see here's the thing if I've been around guys who taking their dick on my black yeah I'm talking about that I'm talking about me going into a bathroom me coming back out and woman you're naked on the couch and you sit next to me and touch my dick to somehow am I doing that [ __ ] I don't know I wouldn't do it I don't know I don't know I say don't do it and I've been in coquí situations where I could see it coming on and I mean let her yeah but before it even happened oh dude some guy in New Orleans one time had indoor head [ __ ] locks on his bathroom this guy gets me into the bathroom we're doing some cocaine after the Super Bowl or something and next thing I know they have two doors in the bathroom you know and he puts a [ __ ] bolt on one of them and I'm like Jesus dude now look over the other one it has a bolt on it I'm like I'm out of here jack you know and I thought about trying to do a little more cocaine and then just keeping my foot in the door wedge while I did it but I was like [ __ ] I'm just out of here because you don't know what that guy had amoenus I don't know I admit do you know what the place where that happens the most bone you can hear it happen in the distance is Los Angeles yes yes this is the kind of place like you know for as much as this as Los Angeles and the people out here call out like the rest of America for having shitty values in this and at this place is [ __ ] up jack this place is the dark arts bro this is people have no idea you know if you really think about it and I'm not being a funny guy here whatever to meet to movement has slowed down a little bit yeah thank God I lost momentum yeah I was getting too out of control I have a daughter I was raised by a single mom I have a wife a ton of my friends of females yeah and I feel for you but it was getting I think what our Gento got busted the [ __ ] the underage kids yeah and then these women came out against Kavanagh and that you know 36 years in a long time I changed a lot oh yeah 36 year since 1982 I think of a person I am alive changed four times yeah I'm great you know that's number one you can't take that away from a man or woman in number two I think that you know when you have your [ __ ] Cosby's you have your Harvey Weinstein so Harvey Weinstein was 10 times worse than what we know right but ain't right in the people that last night electrical Ellucian and there's 20 more Harvey Weinstein a hundred percent and there's a lot of actresses hiding those men still and they knew about him it's only whenever the you know the thing the gavel starts to fall in and affects people's pocketbooks and [ __ ] that they or they realize their money safe then they'll chime on I love NBC they gave me Sam for the Sun they gave me cheek on demand that gave me News Radio they've given me a lot of shows of life yeah but think about that I want you to guys and the people listening at home to think about that mm-hmm NBC knew about Bill Cosby again MBC knew about Bill Cosby right but they didn't give a [ __ ] because of the money he was generated yeah okay that goes with any sport Conor McGregor could do whatever the [ __ ] you well yeah would you generate that type of money you want to come on at the weigh-in with a bottle of whiskey and a [ __ ] and give it to the president of the [ __ ] league or whatever he calls himself you know when you're that type of person Daniel white you could do whatever the [ __ ] you want you know so yeah there's 20 Harvey Weinstein's yeah that dang we have get in here but exposed yet or nobody real John Weinstein dicks and Weinstein look at this there's a bunch of Weinstein's that have not been exposed at RIT now yeah I went away quietly into the night and said you know what we got away with this for a long time that nobody came out yeah a weird one you know one thing to notice when it was a you know I think there's a lot of comedians out there that start to use it as a not even comedians I mean I guess there's just it's uncomfortable when you start to feel like and I just try to trust my instincts I know a lot of women or you know taking advantage of I know dude a lot of men get objectified by women as well these days and people don't want to talk about that you know and none of that sounds like kind of a [ __ ] thing to say but you know there's a lot of women out there using men as they see fit as well you know for different things and you know the place yeah here you know in a place yeah in LA it's a penis and so I don't like it when you get a lot of these you know fancy ladies saying oh feminism this and feminism that but they're just selling books and [ __ ] to you you know I'm saying they're just peddlers they don't give a real [ __ ] about anybody but themselves and I you know that's one thing I hope technology at one point can like tell people's hearts you know like I hope at one point like a Fitbit you could wear a Fitbit that tells you like if that person actually has any genuine care in themselves for you you know and I think that that's when technology is really gonna help us cuz right now we're out here [ __ ] around you know people jerking off guys addicted to their own you know semen and everything all of this [ __ ] on the internet and it's just you know we're in the rotgut stages of Technology right now we're still learning about this [ __ ] we're in a place that's yeah the meatiest thing was - stuff - it was - well here's I just wanted to get this point out sorry to interrupt you Joey um girls started asking me can I come on the road with you to open for you right and I was afraid to have let them come with me because I don't truck that's what that movement kind of did to me because I've always tried to value women yes like have I I'm sure I've objectified women before sexually you know and wanted you know to be with a woman just for sex or had sexual interests you know like lead some of my thoughts I think some of that's limbic and a man you're gonna you know if I see a woman I don't you know my first thought isn't like I'm gonna you know buy her a house and just think about her always my some of my thought is in my day you know and that's nature and that's mother nature put some of your brain ins in the end of your dick and the thing that gets me is like now it's like women anyway can could I come and feature for you and it's like I don't know like that's very scary like I've looked 2 years ago I'd have been like yeah I'll give any woman like I don't have any issue with it right I'm not gonna try to [ __ ] this girl you know I respect her as an artist but now I'm like what if this girl has some crazy intention well no you know will you take it on the road I think that but it makes me second I guess it quickly and Felicia Michaels I know Naboth for years yeah yeah Kate oh so I have no it would not turn me on the [ __ ] Kate I love the death and she's beautiful right a little sister yeah we don't Felicia's like a sister to me yeah so if I were on the road with a woman that came up to me like I've had women asked me and they that don't stay at the hotel they stay at their own home they live in Austin right with that I have no problem I don't play that [ __ ] at all I know what it's like to be a young girl have a daughter and I remember what it was like to what he is you know what hey who can't stand me right well I'm getting that I was thinking about this the other day you know cannot stand me you know you can't mention my name around Chelsea him oh she's the worst the first time I met Chelsea and I went off on in a sexual way he tried his pucker she was [ __ ] gorgeous yeah she was gorgeous I knew that at that time she was doing drugs yeah she was opening up for David Tao I was [ __ ] up on drugs the yellower [ __ ] no what are you [ __ ] [ __ ] are you [ __ ] crazy no crazy would possible and I think evil [ __ ] each other I think I didn't jump from telling you you can't mention my name around them I went to that black Club she still wants to [ __ ] you no bro stop trying to be funny I'm not trying to be funny there was no [ __ ] involved I was a [ __ ] [ __ ] tour we were doing that dumb black Club on [ __ ] J spot no the other one at Union Station Beverly Beverly Boulevard up down the block of the chicken place they used to be a club there one night and there was how many Union comedy Union this had to be 1998 bro and I was out there every night with a package you know when I met you were done eat up Lauren [ __ ] with coke yeah there we go she's there and I go to economy you need to do a spot and I see Chelsea hammer looking finer than a [ __ ] Mitch you have big breasts then at all in 1998 Chelsea Handler was [ __ ] bangin so we start talking she tells me how well could she's very sweet to me yeah she tells me what her credentials was and not six minutes into the conversation I'm like what's gonna rock a coke and let me your [ __ ] is shit-faced her bail me and she's crazy as it is but I knew that I had done something wrong and then three months later she was dating a friend the mug I went from black guy no white guy and I went to a party and saw her and the look she gave me was just horrid and after that somebody came up to me one day they go why did she hate you so much and I am because one night she caught me you know like just darling women throw throw you off I'm saying well yeah you have no idea how good she looked that night yeah like this is what Chelsea had the Volvo that's how that's what she had the Volvo wow she was banging she would go up to the store do with 9-15 spot every night [ __ ] and bragging but I had never met her before yeah I'd never met her before I saw her and we started talking next minute we were talking about cocaine and [ __ ] and next thing on my trouser I taste you look fine more than wow yeah let's go somewhere do some blow as she was like what the [ __ ] are you talking about get the [ __ ] out you disgusting friend slob really will you fatter no I just just I was just you know a gross person and I didn't know I was doing coke yeah until this day you can't mention my name or it's [ __ ] hysterical but he stopped my honest about it yeah I did groper or our via I just asked the truth I'm gonna suck you know I was oh yeah you know came in from 98 to 2000 so matteri 97 96 that was all I had I wasn't a handsome guy yeah so I would just say I got an eight ball of coke and you got a [ __ ] what do you want to do yeah you want to sit here talk to Lee all night about [ __ ] computers but yeah oh you want to come up to the room you little monkey eat with a co you said the ten will go home dude I'm about to go home with you don't say if you go up to ten women and say that what he is gonna take you up on your [ __ ] yeah you only to throw again it was crazy hunt that Fox with this yes rock it was made looking crazy oh dude that was craziest I remember yeah man and she yeah I I remember she came into the I was working at some club over there these tough that when I moved to town man I really started doing comedy in Los Angeles you know when I really think about it like I think the first time I ever went up on stage was in New Orleans but after that I just happened to be out here I came out here to visit a buddy and then next thing you know they had comedy I never living with my friend and they had comedy down the street from us over on San Vicente over in Brentwood and so they had a place over there that guy with the wooden leg used to run it TJ's um white boys a comedy Marc Franco and TJ mark somebody not TV Mark Walters different TJ's but uh they it was two blocks away so I walked down there on Wednesday night and they started letting me get up but anyway bruco had a room over there in Westwood in Chelsea Anna would come in gym norm would come in and stuff and this is Chelsea wasn't like famous or anything then but she was kind of popular you know she was a comedian was always like real amateurs over there and uh and yeah I just didn't like I went and did her show one time and she wouldn't even look at me and she just treated me and then on social media and stuff is like and social me he's not a good way to judge somebody but you know sometimes we do and she doesn't even have any empathy for people there's something about her that makes me seem like she's just did the TV show fur yeah how many times did you do it just one time and what was her behavior towards you she wouldn't look at me you know she would talk to me well we didn't look at me and she just made me feel I don't know she didn't make me feel like welcome you know and when you're young and you're nervous and I already got nervous and I already you know the industry like you know is never really giving me much you know this industry's never given me much you know it's crazy to me you're just getting a show over there at Fox you know or I don't we can talk about that or whatever but you know are an opportunity for that you know it's like it's crazy it's like just but anyway I've always had that little bit of chip on my shoulder maybe but yeah she just made me feel like I don't know like I wasn't funny or I wasn't good enough for stuff like that you know there's nothing worse than going on something and somebody shot you wish you expected yeah cuz I had expectations I had to expect at least would be some niceness you know like there's some excitement instead it was like she's just kind of like this this star this thing but now to me she she I had this vision of her and this could be wrong of like a lonely you know older woman in like a castle with all this money and she's just lonely and I don't want anybody to end up that way and that could just be me thinking that way to make myself feel better you know that she that I felt like she was mean to me but I you know as she seems like a real [ __ ] to me so whatever you know you gotta give something up for something you know and with Fame comes you know I remember watching some program in Jennifer Aniston said when they shot the pilot for friends that to celebrate the guy took the Vegas that kind of producer took everybody of Vegas Wow and then gave them each 500 oz that said walk into a casino and gamble this because that's the last time you're ever gonna be able to walk through a casino again wow that's how big you guys it would be you know they knew it out of the gate huh they knew it out of the gate you know and it's so weird how you that's amazing listen man I was in this for so long but I struggled for so long as a human being mm-hmm that no matter what you throw at me now it wouldn't change yeah like I'm done like yeah you already made you had me to go crazy when I was maybe up to 32 yeah 33 34 yeah I would have got a different crazy I would have got drugged crazy at that age but I always knew what I was what makes people crazy this time it's nothing what they are mmm either they did too much mm-hmm or too little it's like being somewhere where you don't belong I always stress that because one day you're gonna do that and you're gonna see how bad you feel and you're gonna think of me as a comedian or an actor you know when you when you shoot a show mm-hmm you ever shoot a show for somebody in motion and you go to these shows and you see the same [ __ ] comics mm-hmm they're always coming by to say hello yeah yeah they provide it to this I came in you look at them you gonna be shot this showing or no and you feel bad for them you go then why the [ __ ] are you here cuz I shot this show what episode and I feel bad I feel bad being like I shot one scene in one show and I feel like a [ __ ] [ __ ] so you didn't even shoot the show but you're down here doing what what is your purpose yeah what is your [ __ ] purpose you look like a [ __ ] idiot yeah yeah even free food whatever you don't belong somewhere do not be at that [ __ ] place yeah do not be at that place you asked me it's a question before you go to do you take me on the road he's been doing comedy Western a year yeah I didn't realize how bad I do him any favors yeah it would not do him any favors it would ruin it yeah it would ruin him I know that he's not ready by no means yes he's tweeze away or I'd ruin his whole perception of stand-up would be wrong take a point that's a that's very perception I took him to the wolf Edina he saw with its life now the rest is up to him yeah he's two years away from even stepping on the stage of me on a plane yeah because I know what it would do that yeah he needs to go on his own now and go to Lexington Kentucky and go to all the places they've never seen a Jew yeah and do that and jailor down brother do it three years and you can do blackface if you're Jewish I think don't you guys get back you know I think I'll hold off I just [ __ ] fired Kelly Megan now you gotta bring up blackfish my dick isn't that tonight what the [ __ ] is wrong with you I don't want to hear blackface I don't want to talk about blackface they just fired megyn kelly and you want to bring up a blackface you got great things happening in your [ __ ] life leave blackface alone all right I just did enough Lee could do it no no I'm gonna hold off on that one no it's the truth yeah I would not be doing him any favors oh you wouldn't be in anything first guy that took me out I was doing comedy for years yeah first time I got taken out and I wasn't ready but it was fraternities really yeah it was who was it cuz they was Todd Jordan they took me on like two or three or four weeks of eternities every night it was rush season mm-hmm whatever others and he would have a different threat every night to not to frats three frats and I've been doing comedy for years and I was just bomb I was like an Arab oh yeah I was just going into places to bomb and I would call a bomber you guys are prepared you're gonna get a bomb I wasn't ready yeah and at that time that's all I wanted and I would say to myself whoo I'm happy I didn't get this call two years ago I still remember going like doing comedy a couple of months I can go into an NBC no Johnny Walker the liquor in the eighties and nineties if you want to be anybody you had a win the Johnnie Walker red competition of San Francisco Wow that's what elevated you every year Johnny Walker did a national comedy competition and it would end up on channel 13 or something but you still got national exposure yeah and now you went into clubs that was one of the credits it was either that the Tonight Show or HBO oh yeah so that was the explosion we talked him up the first thing we talked Dorn taking on the road so todd Jordan I took on you already said I was almost ready bombings are you or the other are but not saying that yeah the three week camp Wow what that is it's three weeks of doing comedy every day three weeks five nights a week and you get to adjust and that really helped me right away that was a big push when I finished those three weeks I was a better comic line I was doing xxx I don't trouble yeah I like the trimmer ones for four years and that's a complete different adjustment that's every night you gotta just plus Drive eight hours plus [ __ ] do radio but oh yeah that's that's [ __ ] navigational comedy you know sometimes you finish the gig and drive that night cuz you got made out of Drive I might as well get to the whole town and all that you know it teaches you how to deal with this yeah that's what I saw already now yes you not taking care of myself and not timing things well a lot of people don't know you know this there was a comic his name was Doug Williams a great guy great guy he created his show he got a Martin to sign off on it Wow and it was one of the first comedy shows to go to stars stars was a black network at the time and they had a comedy series hmm it did like three years that guy today a friend of mine called me is saying one of the cruise ship he saw Doug Williams of the cruise ship Wow what happened was Doug Williams got he went to a roast oh yeah and Jamie Foxx and Johnny Fox to at all money that's gotta mean a Jamie Foxx to you that very mean and Jamie Foxx but the problem was he didn't belong there he did not belong there who Doug Williams didn't know he was nobody to belong with he was too young to be up there not too young he just didn't belong that just did not belong in that room he knew it but he was a guy bone his eyes were bigger than his stomach yeah and he went there anyway they got burnt yeah and then I got everything you cannot go somewhere we do that belonging family or in life right if you don't belong there don't go down there cuz you're in trouble yeah that's a grip man so really a really which stands up I hate that [ __ ] when people say I'm up there what do they call it I'm in the light no what did they call when they go on mingle there's a name for that networking that works oh yeah give that [ __ ] yeah rub my balls on you now I never been in network I'm like that working on stage yeah you network on stage in general is to talk to people I used to be nervous when I were coming here I used to be nervous or not like there's some comedians that still make me kind of nervous sometimes when I see them you know to be around it's just because you don't know him well you always look up to him you know and then you see them and it makes you nervous well the one thing about the comic that you look up to is when you go to the store and you meet them and and this happens the comics for me probably you don't get the reception that you're looking for yeah that's what I'm worried about some of my idols I didn't get the reception I was looking for so I didn't talk to him I didn't talk to Andrew Dice Clay for the first G I was at the store and I'd see him up there five nights a week why because you want you in your place yeah you're nothing to say to him I had no circles that was saying yeah no no no no you know and then you get emails from people well it's terrible to meet your heroes because you approached me the wrong way yeah and at the wrong time yeah there's a dude that comes up to me a lot he's always kind of coked up I can tell at the Comedy Store and now I hate that guy coming around we have no he knows it's uncomfortable to him like why does he keep doing this you know I don't judge people on the drug aspect I don't care sell me those drugs give me a Ponzi schemes and [ __ ] ya know those people I just didn't leave and I'd tell them to get the [ __ ] out of my face I don't want to hear about it well I'm doing Konami I'm doing comedy bro yeah and like this week I have a rough week like that tonight and I'll be in New York you know and that's my roughest week because I have to deal with family yeah got to talk to people you know I got a tool I told you people where they take the picture yeah can you paint the window and I gotta talk to you for a half hour I got a phone in the way they say listen bro can you step aside and let these but wait wait wait remember the time we went no let these people take the pictures and then you could talk to me all you want it's very tough for people to understand that yeah yeah we're that's where I'm getting like it's getting like you know I've been struggling a lot with this cuz it's like you know I love you know it's like you worked so hard to get people to come out and then people start and you know it's a lot of like my audience is dudes like me know that their struggle with stuff are just regular people you know good people you know I feel like a lot of our audiences are probably similar like good people that come out to enjoy themselves you know and I want to be able to spend time with each one of them afterwards like yeah so t-shirts as a regular person yeah see I don't write because I want them to be able to come to me and talk to me and not to do that yeah yeah I saw your future go online yeah I'm not carrying t-shirts across the country I'm military should I mail it there and sell it still the same [ __ ] point yeah because then again you have a different complication now you have people that feel now I bought a t-shirt so now I'm gonna give you a [ __ ] now I see what you're saying I love time for any you beat them between shows yeah I I need to focus in between you want a good show from me yeah are you want a [ __ ] t-shirt right you want a good show let's forget about the [ __ ] t-shirt yeah I'll tell people do not you don't don't feel obligated to buy a shirt to come and say hey or two but yeah just think about it would you go say hang up my shirt for the money it's not only I'd rather you not sell the [ __ ] shirt and let them come over and shake their hand yeah you know it's like when people pay for the VIP packages I feel bad for you yeah I feel bad for you for two reasons I would never charge to do a VIP package because now I'm forced to talk to you and you're forced to talk to me that's not a relationship right that's [ __ ] I would never sell a VIP package I want you to come up to me after the show take a pic to tell me what you got at um and get the [ __ ] out of here yeah if you pay me the 85 bucks of VIP that means I gotta hear your [ __ ] a beating for two hours yeah we don't have two hours right I want you to come to the shows I want you to enjoy yourself I want you to take a picture we're gonna communicate while we're taking a picture and then you gotta go that's 200 people behind you right you know I'm saying I don't wanna I don't don't want to take money from somebody to feel that I have to talk to him after a show yeah so I get come to a certain gated area I think that is the most grossest because that how do you hear that yeah you sell VIP package and twenty people come to the back afterwards talk to you and you take a picture with them listen how about do this how about I don't say your dick you shake my hand we take a picture you go your way I go my way yeah we talk for two minutes you know you gotta be considerable people right that's it and most people are but here so here's some thing that I'm running into right and so this is a good thing I can ask you actually because you have experience is I'm noticing like so I'll go out after the first show right and there's a line like you say you know there's a hundred and fifty people wanted to say hey I want to meet me and I want to meet them but then by the end of that I am so like just exhausted emotionally bro that then it's like the second show I found myself being more temperamental because like all of like your kindness and you're just you're it's it you just feel a little empty you know and I don't mean that in a bad way like I don't care about those people I don't it just gets hard you know what I'm saying though and am i complaining is that like just like uh no you're not complaining but people will listen to this have to decide what they want I have to decide what do I want yeah me I want to see a [ __ ] great show yeah when I go anywhere to a concert anything I want to see a great [ __ ] show man that's it yeah I want to leave that going you know what my $26 was worth it my 2750 was worth so for me to do that guess what sometimes number one the shows are so bad yeah the staff as soon as I get that Thursday they say to me listen your sold-out Friday and Saturday we only have one exit is there any way you can't come out in between shows no you know anything about me that breaks my heart right yeah that's how I feel you know you got a babysitter I know you drove you paid the part I'm aware of all these things yeah but guess what I got to do best what's best for the club and for the people for the second show yeah somebody talked to my wife and to me some t-shirts and I noticed that that emotional hour in between mmm was by the time I got stage to the second show there was nothing left yeah that's what I'm starting to notice a little bit people there's nothing left there's nothing left the hug was the kisses the pictures you go back in it's show time now you're running late because your people didn't get in yeah that show starts 25 minutes late that means there's 20 every time a minute takes pass show time is one more minute they'll be drunk right right yet and there's not a babysitter's later there was nothing that pisses me off more than the club that starts to show my yam either you want to not make me come back to your club you thought of Sholay 7 o'clock at 7:05 I understand people driving Frank and 9:30 is 935 yeah I don't want to be on a stage at 12:30 at night for a 9 o'clock yeah I thought that that's why what do you do then what do I do you know man if the first show is sold out I cannot go out if the first show is sold out the club does not want you to go up and your fans are ok with that they have to be yeah they have to be went on the picture business we're in the comedy business I'm in the business of giving you the best show that I can give you yeah so from being able to put me to be able to do that eh I can't be out there between show swing and shirts with glasses on taking pictures you're absolutely not right it draws your energy yeah you know this is the week that everybody wants to take me out to dinner at 5 o'clock Lisa at you know me a long time you don't see me after fall yeah you do not see me after fall I will when I go in the morning I will buy a protein bar yeah so I'm gonna have to leave my room before I have to four o'clock yeah you take a rest those three hours before the shoulders on my time right I put my feet up I watch an episode of sons of anarchy yeah I hit the vapor pen and my notebook is wide open and there's a pen close by and I also got another notebook open somewhere else for what is that what I got I'm still my mind comedy over here and the story over here Sons of Anarchy over here a glass two things of water a pack of nicotine gum yeah and a vapor pen and that's what I do from four to seven let's go huh show starts at 7:30 by 6:15 I start stretching I throw some punches I turn the shower on I let the shower get nice and hot I start stretching a little bit just to get my hobby yeah I asked Roberta yeah how's what you do no I won't talk to anybody yeah hey how you doing I got you know my agents they're great you sit here all week yeah come on Friday at 6:30 won't tell anyone all yeah listen call your mother on the Friday at 6:30 I'm only concerned with the two shows yeah that's all I'm concerned about and this of orchid boys works best for you this is what works best for me yeah a great headliner once told me mm-hmm wait my nan once told me that if you headline rest is the most important thing for me to give the audience to show I want yeah there's no den as it for I'm not meeting you to smoke out I mean nobody yeah I love me nobody mananitas a lot I mean how you talk about them will you pay 25 to 28 dollars to see me yeah you don't see me out of the hotel man there's no this Thursday I gonna do a part two podcast in New York you see the shower head Friday and I'm back in my room by one yeah and Friday I go to the cemetery and bring flowers for my mother yeah beside that nobody sees me the reason why I stay where I stands coz there's two of my favorite places in the dead Laura yeah and this hotel has breakfast for free yeah like that and even though it's a half a Hindu hotel yeah eggs are good it's white bread and they I don't feel that's [ __ ] out of this world hmm so I beliefs held over to one of my friends could pick me up at then or I take the [ __ ] bus and it to this city or whatever huh every city I go as planned that yeah but I never take away from my show mm-hmm that means there's no t-shirt yeah there's no contact in between shows and between shows I sit I reflect on the last show and I reflect how the next shows gonna be about interesting that's it I don't care my mother's there I don't care if your grandfather's coming I don't really want to do much you I don't really want to do much wow wow wow game day is game day for us people work hard for their dollar and I have to give them their value for their dollar and for me to give them the value for that dollar hmm I gotta take care myself yeah that's what I'm struggling with right I gotta take care boys so I'm feeling exhausted so Friday night you stay up like Friday nights my pill might if somebody gives me pull up the show I take it I bring back a protein bar maybe a [ __ ] a Nana a banana or maybe I have an apple from the lounge I go upstairs like drink soda and I watch two or three episodes or something I have no curfew on Friday night yeah that means Saturday more wake up nice and early I eat breakfast a nice breakfast I smoke a joint I go for a nice walk at 8:00 8:30 I go for a half a mile walk mm-hmm just to let my body know my life I go back to the room I watch a little Netflix I pass out for another three hours now I get up take a shower and I go for a nice lunch a nice cut of salmon yeah but my salad water you take good care yourself yeah and you go back to your hotel room were you right for now yeah and while that hour you're right and you're digesting your meal uh-huh so now at 4:30 you go down to the hotel chip yeah and you stretch on either 25 minutes on the elliptical ten minutes on the bicycle then you draw some weights around for 45 minutes you get that funk out of your system now that Energy's office now you're you're you're building your own energy yeah and you're working on your own sheet yeah you're not letting the world is give you a no I don't want any stupid stories jack I got tired but I rather not have physical contact all day and Lee knows anybody who goes on the road with me they know they see me for breakfast lunch I don't see you till post time yeah I read it that I don't want to see nobody yeah man that's it and that's the best show I can give you as Joey Diaz if I deter from that plan we don't have a good show so after the second show you'll do two pictures and stuff yes after the second show I'll do the pig maybe I need to start trying that because that has been your honesty I know a thousand people don't do dick there's a thousand people out there who don't do dick I will take pictures with you before shows I have a superstition not because one time in Columbus a hippie hugged me and he had armpit of debt oh yeah they got on my shirt and while I was on I think I grilling cheese is I can smell [ __ ] onions for two shows now when I took pictures of people people looking at me like I smelled yeah you know you it takes a long time to come to terms with timely by the way I always wanted to thank you for supporting me on the Netflix special you had uh please showed up you shut up on your own dime you saw their response has been good huh the response has been great but it's really weird I'm even for that I had too many distractions yeah yeah in hindsight even thinking about that it's I'm sorry you see the like man that's like a lot of restrictions oh wait I stick to my own stay yeah in the future stick to what we give away for me to give you a good show I have to do things please I know I know your mother cooks the best chicken I know you do that that's all great you know I really don't give a [ __ ] I really don't give a [ __ ] when I get off a plane that's when people contact me on the road to do a podcast I'm on your town to do a podcast yeah we're gonna happen yeah some guys some group you offered me money to divide me I did my two podcast for the week that's it when I go on the road I want to do nothing all I think about stand-up comedy and how I can make him better before before I go to a town I Wikipedia I Yahoo yeah check box of schools you got a good Muay Thai school my pop in their lights added more I got I meet some people have some a little contact with data with some new people yeah and you blow their mind they blow your mind and you're still back in your hotel room by two o'clock yeah that's me a shower you Reiji you gotta take good care yourself when you're a feature it's a different story when you're an emcee it's a different story the world don't fall on your shoulders yeah you could go to watch the Baltimore Ravens and go to a game the world fall on your shoulders you just doing ten minutes when you're a feature after you think I gave a [ __ ] when I was a feature I will have to dinner yeah oh think I don't give a [ __ ] you can [ __ ] to a fault I don't give a [ __ ] but when you pay and I got a [ __ ] you got a babysitter and you pay the part yeah and all those variables I gotta be at the top of my game there you go that's the ghost telling you I love it that I check times out to be on your phone is Jen late it's getting late Giovanna I love you need eight you want to promote my brother um any dates that I want to promote yeah I'm gonna be in Lexington great club yeah lemons Broadway great club yeah great food the great hotel yeah great city great city in December that's what I'm gonna be on there so I'm excited that I'm going there in in December world's January don't worry about genuine best I could you've got assumed that can remember and then yeah what else oh I got your AIA favor was on I was on my Potter's I'm this past weekend so you can check that as well and I just want to say thanks so much Joey you're always such a you know uh you know you're just a nice man and you always make me feel welcome and you know you call me a lot and I just I know that you care and and and I really feel that and I just I don't know thank you so my blood I care about what I can feel at that but it some people say that kind of shitty or whatever but I'm just telling you so I appreciate it man I know you do thanks boys and I love you Lena I'm sorry that I'm if I made funny when I got in this tough this damn oh yeah we do took [ __ ] nine fart bro is [ __ ] geez like Iwo Jima over your on is no that's a death sentence my judges tell you either for farts of 90 days yeah and most people take them 90 days yeah this for this poor Jewish tank sack then took five of the words hahaha can you've ever smoked and you're [ __ ] leavin I'm sitting here going Jesus Christ my intestines about to pop out of my ass like anyway I love you guys with all my [ __ ] heart man I want to thank the O Vaughn I want to thank my main men the Christ killer who I love with all my heart hoping Afeni with the comedy line tool and i just wouldn't be doing you any favors i would take you somewhere and then you'd still have to go back and do the work and then you'd be more mad at me so you always got to understand I got your back in more ways than one thank you very much for always being a great [ __ ] sidekick and a friend and a dear supporter of what we do and I'm very proud of you for doing comedy and when the time comes you're gonna be right there with me some good luck to you and your Venture you know I love you to death and I support you I break your balls but I break your balls out of love I don't know that I understand that but don't break your balls they break your balls to be you I'm you know I love you all my heart but anyway forget that love I got for this [ __ ] Jew I love them with all my heart that's my problem I got a soft spot for Jews I don't know what Jews and black people are doing anything for you but listen this podcast is brought to you by rich like I said in the beginning ridges and minimalized front pocket wallet that helps you really ate your everyday carry launched by a father-son team and funded by Kickstarter in 2013 the ridge now resides in the pockets of over a quarter of a million men and women listen my own wallet was stacked with [ __ ] the kind of [ __ ] were you carrying around for months and years say whatever you want to hear you gotta get rid of that [ __ ] talk about all the pointless stuff that we carry in our wallets receipts hotel room keys hookers addresses spent gift cards get rid of all that [ __ ] don't let the blindfolds menus resemble suitcases more than wallets the ridge helps you carry less but always what you need right listen I love the rich personally when I travel that's what I got that at the ridge two credit cards a PBA card and my ID and I'm ready to go so do me a favor like I said it's minimal its front pocket wallets at designed to help you ditch your bulky wallet the ridge wall is slim RFID blocking and it has a lifetime guarantee and it's gonna be the last wallet you'll ever own so do me a favor what I'm gonna do for the church family today first off go to Ridge comm check out what I'm talking about you're gonna be blown away number two if you get something I'm gonna give you ten percent off with free worldwide shipping by using Ridge wallet dot-com slash Church again that's Ridge wallet dot-com slash Church and use promo code Church to link in the description all right listen Ridge wallet will make a great present you're gonna love it with all your heart okay number three I love you guys these guys are tremendous my wife has been using them for years and again I got nothing against nobody but time is time and if you're saving time you get postage and demand all you need is stamps calm with stamps calm you got all the services you got at the post office right up from your desk you can buy and print real US postage for any letter or any package all available 24 hours a day seven days a week just click print and mail ba boom you're done stamps.com we even send you a digital scale you can weigh your letters and packages and print the exact amount of postage every time I love it my wife uses to sell out the cups the t-shirts we've been using for years and I'll tell you I give him a hundred percent recommendation whether he have a small business or a large business I'm telling you right now whatever you're doing and you've your mailing out stuffs stamps calm is what you need so right now your uncle Joey is gonna give you a special offer you ready grab a pen I'm gonna give you a four week trial includes postage at a digital scale but don't wait gonna stamp stop calm before you do anything else right now right now I was sitting there click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in Joey Jo ey again that's Joey Jo ey on the top of the homepage again that stands calm and - Joey I want to thank rich I want to thank stamps.com and I want to thank quit ok because quit again the best toothbrush I've had in years Equipe was designed to make brushing your teeth and was simple and affordable but most importantly enjoyable like I said I've used it the last four days my mouth feels cleaner my teeth are still chartreuse because God knows what I put in my mouth but everything feels fresh and clean my breath smells like dog [ __ ] there's nothing you could do about that as long as your teeth are clean why do you use quip says sensitive sensitive sonic vibrations gentle enough to use on sensitive gums people who brush too hard sometimes like the two brushes are too abrasive it's built with a two minute timer that pulses every 30 seconds to remind you to switch sides helping you guy in a full and even clean why cuz up to 90% of us don't brush for the first for the full two minutes or don't clean evenly it's a multi-use cover mounts to cover your mirror and on monster slide over bristles to go on to brush it three out of four of the bristles to the old worn on and ineffective clip is one of the first electric toothbrushes then accepted it's accepted by the American Dental Association and has thousands of verified five-star reviews why I love quip dependable it's right there and I can take it on the road and that's what you're looking for with a toothbrush so do me a favor the big favor is this I love clip so much and they're backed by twenty thousand twenty thousand dental professionals clip starts at 25 begins and if you go to quick calm slash joy right now you get your first refill pack for free wit equip electric toothbrush who's better than you you're gonna have a nice smile at the holidays you know I'm saying you don't got to go to Thanksgiving and cover your mouth because your teeth the green you got a nice clean fresh face more confidence so do me a favor go to quip comm slash joy right now and get you a little [ __ ] quick toothbrush for $25 no they started 25 hours and if you go to quit right now you'll get your first refill back for free with equipped electric toothbrush that's how uncle Joey takes care you before the holidays I want to thank quip I want to thank stamps calm and I think want to thank Ridge for sponsoring the podcast but most importantly I want to thank you people for two things for supporting the degenerates and for supporting our podcast for the last 7 years you know who you are from Bob willingness to Bobby Sheeran to the goose to [ __ ] my man the Greeks up in Canada I'm watching you and over the [ __ ] you are my little convenient in Vegas who I love to death Freddy Correa I love all you [ __ ] so if I forget to say somebody my man Scott coming in I love yous all thank you for the support thank you for the support on the on the Netflix special and I'll see you [ __ ] next Tuesday ready to [ __ ] rocking great witness awed gasp Lee kick this [ __ ] wheel stay black mani

Channel: Joey Diaz

Views: 1,065,327

Keywords: The Church of What's Happening Now, Joey Diaz, Theo Von, comedy, podcast

Id: DZDGN2nxMdI

Length: 118min 0sec (7080 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 07 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/UltravioIence]

Man, they went kind of hard at Lee when Joey farted on him lol

[u/desert_soul404]

Get that hitter!

[u/begonia824]

The Church of What’s Happening Now was a Flip Wilson bit in the 70’s

[u/goldybear]

Joey was getting a bit chippy with Theo towards the end there.