Holy Crap I've Been on the Wrong Side of Things for So Long

hey rugged what's your holy crap i've been on the wrong side of things for so long story growing up there was this stop sign outside the entrance of our neighborhood that apparently was being covered all the time by the old lady's tree so growing up i never noticed it was there till one day we got a new cop in town and as per usual like going about my day when i noticed i'm being pulled over the cops say to me ran past that stop sign and he pointed at what was the bottom 25 of one i said to him wow i've lived here my whole life and never noticed that i must have been running it this whole time he smiled at me and gave me a verbal i've felt like a poor victim of my terrible wife for being in a dead bedroom's type of marriage for the last few years a few weeks back it dawned on me that she probably doesn't want me because honestly i wouldn't want me either i've gotten so fat and unattractive all this time she's still being so helpful with everything around the house and nice about everything else so i just realized i was being a selfish terrible husband instead of the other way around i'm working on changing that antibiotics my mother always told me never to take them and that they weaken the immune system and so forth well i had strep throat and i'm a 911 dispatcher these are two things you can't have at the same time hospital gave me the antibiotics and they worked almost instantly back to work the next day strep throat without antibiotics can turn into rheumatic fever the crap is no joke my dad was an alcoholic and i was in my 20s and on my own when i realized that when you take the cap off of a bottle of liquor fifth quart whatever you didn't just toss it away as he did he would do that and then drink until the bottle was empty took less time than you would think dang organ donation around the time i first got my driving license i heard from somewhere don't remember where the being an organ donor was a death sentence because doctors would see that and ignore you so you could die and they can harvest your fresh organs years later i learned andre did of all places that if left to rot in a hospital bed your organs will die with you making them useless for transplant when i renewed my driver's license i opted in unfortunately i tend to get sucked into work politics a work colleague tells me that they are being bullied by others recounting incidents tearfully another will criticize a manager or superior labeling them incompetent and listing off incidents angrily i listen and try to show empathy and offer advice i later find out that the person being bullied is constantly getting into trouble for not working just slacking off on day-long coffee breaks and gossiping i later find out that the person claiming incompetence of one of the managers has been running around trying to undermine said manager telling staff not to obey them unfortunately this has led to me basically not engaging with anyone at work being edgy and slightly rude sarcastic all the time to be funny more often than not people just see you as being in butthole and won't find it funny i wish my sister would realize this she would be way more tolerable if she would drop the sarcasm and attacking people's insecurities just for some laughs my friends and i in high school discovered edgy put down humor and how fun it was to direct it to strangers among ourselves we'd compete to see who could come up with the most outrageous put-downs for laughs i remember it being quite hilarious over time though like the next 5-8 years this got to be a habit with me to the point that i was doing it by myself in my head all the time and eventually i skipped the funny part i was just instantly hating everyone i laid eyes on one day i'm on the city bus and a cute young couple is a few seats away holding hands and i'm just standing there hating them i suddenly realize that i'm sneering at them and i ask myself dude what the frick is your problem i thought about it realized it was just this weird habit from high school that got out of control and i ditched it that day went back to my natural resting attitude towards people and life which is really quite positive and it was immediately like a huge cloud lifted from my life whoa good on you for realizing this and doing something about it was told at a young age by my grandmother that the reason my wealthy by marriage aunt never came around was because she was snooty and thought she was better than her roots my grandmother made me dislike her for this and other reasons by always badmouthing her come to find out my grandmother's husband molested and attempted to rape a couple of my aunts including the wealthy one when they were young longer story but that was a very life-changing reveal for me this was the man i considered my grandfather i found out when i was graduating from college my grandmother and her monster are now dead to me to say the least without any sort of context and without any real studying i thought that scientology was a form of faith based in facts logic and rational thought internet didn't exist yet and i wasn't the most diligent student i had a guy straight up tell me i was a scientologist for believing in science and refused to hear me when i tried to explain to him what scientology actually was not me but a friend i used to work with randomly asked the group one afternoon we were a group of adolescent farmers don't you guys hate when you get crap on your balls after a couple uncomfortable stairs and a few i think you're doing it wrong statements we learned he had been wiping back to front all his life resulting in crappy balls when they were particularly nasty cherry on the cake was around 15 seconds or so of awkward silence later when he muttered fairly audibly i'm so mad at my parents i wipe back to front but i've never encountered this issue there's a good several inches of room between where the butt ends and the sack begins i can only assume that this person wiped with broad strokes all along his taint like an artist specializing in poop abstract expressionism sauerkraut got it into my head that i hated it because i hated coleslaw then i was in my thirties hungry i had like five minutes before i had to go on stage and there's a bratwurst cart nearby i love brocktvs i sent someone to get a bratwurst no crowd and he misheard me but i said screw it and then i bit into heaven the best sauerkraut i have ever eaten was at a polish restaurant in manitoba springs they made their own i thought i'd hate it then i ate it on a hot dog because i thought it was just a lot of onions i didn't hate it i was calling a xylophone a glock in spiel and vice versa for 25 years until my friend after more than a few debates on the topic introduced me to a professional percussionist you had the marimba down pat though i just turned 20 years old about one month ago i figured out that i can remove the silverware basket from the dishwasher to make it easier to put away wait until you learn that putting all forks in one well all spoons in another means you can empty it in about four handfuls hated spicy foods growing up just took a little bit of repeated exposure for me to see the light and embrace capsaicin as my true lord and savior i used to vehemently believe in the free zone for most of my teens if a girl i liked somehow didn't manage to read my mind and know that i liked her because i sure as heck wasn't going to tell her i'm not a lunatic then i just sort of passively go welp such as the free zone and move on when i was hanging out with one of my friends he sort of gave me a talking to after casually mentioning it to him and something in my head just flipped the gist of it basically went the free zone is bulls friendship isn't something you escape if a girl doesn't like you back it's not because you're her friend the reason is irrelevant life's not a rom-com you can't change her mind with a costume change and montage if you like her tell her if she doesn't like you back say fair enough and forget about it what really stuck with me was the friendship isn't something you escape smart friend i realized how awesome it is to play d with a chill group of friends who actually get into i going up i was always told it was nerd crap and believed those words till i actually was talked into trying it holy crap man that game is awesome never grow up when i was growing up anytime we went out to eat my dad would ask for no onions if onions were involved i assumed that onions were bad so i disliked them myself for years unless they were caramelized or otherwise cooked way down like in a stew then i forgot to ask for a burger without onions holy crap onions are amazing i had the classic nice girl syndrome i was overweight had braces glasses and a terrible haircut i despise all the girls in my class who were hooking up and going to parties and how dare they go out and enjoy themselves when i was so miserable i developed this toxic self-righteous mindset of well they are all just this and i'm a good girl that is waiting for the right man i was in complete denial when i know full well that i would have been doing the same if i had the opportunity to losing weight exercising and being diagnosed with bipolar disorder as well as just growing out of my teenage years helped with me realizing that i was actively pushing people away people don't owe me crap i'm glad i'm not the entitled victim i was back then i thought all the pretty girls in my class were just vapid s idiots for being obsessed with boys when i was more interested in deep things like reading books or whatever hootie who dumbass turns out i'm a giant lesbian idiot reading robert cairo's the years of lyndon johnson made me give up on political idealism for years i liked politicians who tell it like it is and are outspoken about big ideas i thought that the whole country should listen to these loud political figures and that everyone who disagrees with them is a shill who's selling us out because they aren't idealistic enough cara's books bashed into my head that the most successful politicians are pragmatists who know how to read a political room and use unorthodox and sometimes aggressive tactics to push for change they're the people who make deals across the island continually search for some kind of common ground that builds to what they want idealists can be nice but they rarely accomplish anything because they alienate all of their colleagues broccoli my goodness what a magical vegetable as a kid i was a bit picky about what i ate but i eventually grew out of it i got to experience so many delicious foods but the one that floored me was broccoli there are different ways to prepare it that just makes a dish go beyond what thought imaginable my favorite way to prepare it is lightly steamed with lemon and crushed black pepper i've found that most people who hate broccoli have only had it boiled into oblivion it's much better steamed or roasted drinking till you black out every night isn't cool or trendy i had a problem go me one year sober today read something about how crossing your legs or bending your legs at your knees while you poop makes it a lot easier to go the next time i had to put i crossed my legs and it was like amazing sounds gross but it just came right out everyone should try this it's so much easier to go i didn't like tacos until i was about eight in reality i never tried them and i thought they looked gross so i just claimed to not like the taste then i finally broke and i tried one i'm a changed woman i used to be staunchly against psychiatric medication thought it poisoned the mind and turned people into passive sheep etc i was also severely depressed with bipolar disorder refused medication for years because of my beliefs and i also felt it would be a moral failing on my part if i succumbed to big pharma and took the meds then i had a baby and postpartum depression hit me like a stone i was non-functional and my child was suffering for it seeing that my mental issues were hurting my child forced me to finally seek help i swallowed my pride talked to my doctor and started the long journey of cycling through medications to find one that works started with a generic antidepressant within one week i was up and around doing things i could breathe more easily i felt lighter and everything was literally brighter like a little gray cloud had been lifted off my face that was the moment i realized how much i had been depriving of myself by being anti-medication i'm now a vocal advocate for psych meds they air and perfect but they helped me put my life back together i was stupid and stubborn to refuse them for so long i am so glad it worked out for you i was the same way but when i finally gave into taking meds it was just like you said as if the better parts of me started to shine a little brighter i also find i'm able to more proactively handle the bad times rather than letting it all build up keep up your good work on your mental health my love life i was an obnoxious douche most of high school and first half of college i only ever saw women around me as things to be chased i was shallow and depressed and couldn't for the life of me figure out why no girls were ever interested in me but naturally i gave most if not all of my self-worth over to my relationship status my grades suffered i went into cycles of rejection woe is me new girl to jace repeat and it felt like i didn't get as much done in college as i could have my social life suffered and i genuinely regret letting it go as far as it did because i was surrounded by amazing people in college the people who still put up with me to this day for god only knows what reasons most importantly i straightened up and started flying right like a month before i met my future wife i genuinely believe if i hadn't she wouldn't be with me today i would have ruined it like i did with everything else mormonism age 10 didn't know anything else age 20 autopilot but still going strong age 30 [ __ ] balls what am in [ __ ] i wasn't raised in a cult was i guys hello used my son's electric razor yesterday out of curiosity 40 years of shaving with a blade came to an end in about five seconds holy crap this is great i'll admit to going the other way i turned 18 when gillette was shipping razors to guys on their 18th birthdays great marketing btw used thighs cartridges for a solid 4-5 years got tired of spending the money and got an electric razor missed the shaving cream and got myself a safety razor love it i used to think that a lot of woo subjects telepathy telekinesis clairvoyance astral projection etc probably were real we just needed to find better scientific evidence then when older rather than read books about the subject i actually got to meet a lot of the more famous people in the field it became very clear to me that all the people i met were either charlatans out to make money sad deluded people weak on reasoning skills or if they were scientists well-intentioned but extremely gullible i became a skeptic and haven't looked back since i treated my high school girlfriend very poorly i manipulated her into doing things she didn't want to do i was the stereotypical nice guy i'll never forgive myself for how i treated her years later i apologized but i remember reading on reddit that some victims are better off never hearing from their attacker ever again so i've left her alone for years we're still friends on facebook so i can see she's 10 times happier than she ever was with me so at least i know she's either recovered or recovering and that's good haven't been in a full-fledged relationship since too afraid i'll hurt someone again using a throw away for reasons i'll explain later my mum is a massive conspiracy theorist especially on the case of vaccines my little brother who is three years younger has autism and you can guess what happened as i grew older and became exposed to other thoughts on the subject via the internet i quickly learned how battered anti-vaccination is nowadays i completely believe vaccines are good and important and once i'm old enough and self-sufficient to move out i'm gonna go and catch up on all the jabs i've missed over the years my mum is a lovely person and a great parent but nowadays i don't even wanna talk to her cause every conversation turns into an opportunity to spout her bulls so i'm not using my main account cause if she ever looks at it and sees this post we are gonna have a big fight and i don't want to go through with that never had steak till i was 19 and always avoided potatoes my mom was out of town still living with parents back then and my dad offered to make steak and loaded baked potatoes i figured it was him trying to bond so i ought to suck it up and eat a meal with him was trying to be less of an angsty teenager so he went and grilled some medium steaks jesus christ marinated steak with dublin spices courtesy of baldwin michigan with loaded baked potatoes absolutely changed my freaking world that was the second best steak i can ever remember having great bonding moment for my dad and i too i hated steak all my life until i had one properly cooked turns out well done is not a great way to advocate stickery fish tacos i was never a big fan of fish especially white fish i always thought fish tacos sounded bad and why would anyone want fish tacos when you could have beef chicken or pork then i finally had some fish tacos they were amazing now i like to try them at different places hoping to find even better fish tacos fish tacos can be the greatest thing or most disappointing thing to put in your mouth depending on the restaurant chef not me one of my mates discovered in his early 20s that the toilet seat is not just for girls had been sitting on the actual rim of the toilet when he went for a crap fairly recently and i'm not proud i got married young and essentially went from one relationship to the next without stopping in between to have time to stand on my own i've been married twice divorced once widowed once now i'm almost 50 and although i'm dating someone there's no marriage on the horizon yet i'm terrified i've never been fully responsible for myself and i haven't worked outside the home very much it's not just that i'm unqualified it's the whole mentality of working for a living i'm not good at it this is what happens to people who are spoiled why would you be good at it you have had no practice keep at it though being able to live with yourself is a key component to making a successful relationship with someone else work and worth it i have been lifting for years now and have always made fun of dudes doing spin class at the gym one of my gym broth decided he was going to give it a shot and i decided frick it why not i absolutely loved it and will add at least one session a week into my routine that's really weird look at those idiots getting in better shape always halfway argued that a hot dog was a sandwich had a student that claimed you cut a sandwich in half to make it easier to eat if you cut a hot dog in half you don't know what you're doing 100 correct a hot dog including obviously the bun etc is not a sandwich but is it a taco used to be a hardcore atheist and love debating theists richard dawkins style then i realized what actually the point of debating someone's belief or love if they are not actually hurting anyone it's like trying to convince someone to listen to pop music when they don't like it that's pretty much my stance on religion and most crap i don't care as long as you don't try to push it on me then you can frick off if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video so bye for now

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 74,380

Rating: 4.9334831 out of 5

Keywords: wrong side of heaven, wrong side of the tracks, wrong, being wrong, misinformed, you are wrong, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2021, people of reddit, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: I1yyheHCm0U

Length: 21min 13sec (1273 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 22 2021