What's an immediate red flag when trying to make new friends?

like and subscribe right now or else this will be in your bed tonight our /oscar edit by planet reddit what's an immediate red flag when trying to make friends someone who's always sees themselves as the victim even when they're in the wrong I'd a friend like that I'm a male and my male friend sexually and altered me in front of a roomful of friends I called him out for it and he could not accept responsibility for his actions and tried to make himself out to be the victim that I was wrongly accusing him even though a roomful of people saw this needless to say we are no longer friends he's lucky I never pressed charges I'm so sorry about that man why didn't you press charges sexually Beckham thought is a pretty big deal good question one police and courts era pretty backwoods and don't really see man-on-man rape as a thing that if a man does anything on a woman different story 22 my friends who witness this would have been questioned by police and I didn't want to put them through that either they hit you up and act all friendly make tentative plans then immediately ask for something bro this happens to me friend wanted to hang and was adamant I give him son ADHD medicine edit guys chill I didn't give him any you're a bad doctor he shouldn't have to do that to get his ADHD prescription so this is a Wendy's they don't ask you any questions about you but will talk about themselves all day long or they ask you a question and then interrupt when they find an opportunity to talk about themselves again then so how was your day you good I was them cool my day has been crazy doing and continues on for an hour if you might as well be a tickle-me-elmo during conversations that's a red flag I'm autistic so I accidentally do similar things if somebody says they've had a bad day I'll tell them about my bad day if I had one so that they aren't alone it's common with autistic people I think it's kind of the D move of it's just being used as an excuse to talk about themselves though but for some it might be different if one of the first conversation you have with people ends up within bad-mouthing their other friends I'd keep my a distance because you know deep down that they will talk like that about you to this one and the second and third conversations and basically forever it's fine to discuss mutual friends respectfully but pay careful attention to how they talk about them if they're full-on pissing on ppl constantly guaranteed they're doing it to you too toxic I grew up without a lot of friends but getting involved in playing in local bands changed that throughout my adult years the group of friends I got really involved with were full of people who did just this to each other all the time all of them they all talked [ __ ] on each other usually for the dumbest [ __ ] and for years I didn't think any of them said anything about me I always tried to bend over backwards for them and not give them reasons to think anything awful about me especially to a point of [ __ ] on me behind my back but then I found out that a good number of those people had been doing just that and for a long time a good lot of them gossiped about me and when I found out I was pretty devastated for a while I didn't trust anyone anymore and started regularly shutting people out and not coming around to anything it's absolutely true backstabbers will eventually backstab you too you can never win with this type of people if you bend over they'll say you're pushover slash not entrusting if you bch with them about other people they might put all the blame on you and paint you as me my coworkers are like this and usually I just listen and add some oh really no impossible it seems like you're involved in the chat but they can't say you really participated in gossiping if someone only ever talks about themselves never asks how you're doing that's a one-way street I have no interest walking down always being a victim of that lol seems to happen a lot to me to are yes Kevin Kevin loves him some Kevin mind if I smoke then they pull out a meth pipe huge red flag from not sharing oh don't get me wrong he shared I'm not saying I don't dabble it's just a red flag first time meeting someone that's called being a good host if you feel like you have to change yourself to get along with them I'd like to note that changing yourself is different from being the best version of yourself friends that make you want to up your own game are good friends to have if you find out that half of your friends are on academic probation don't be afraid to admit you were wrong about them I scrolled low enough to find this this happened to me quite a lot in my freshman year to a point I'm awfully exhausted to keep up with them and I finally decide to give up I may not be the positive outgoing person like I used to but I definitely felt happier when there's not pressure all I don't know the word the feeling of being forced to adapt peer pressure and now I just do my own stuff and not keep up with the trends anymore asking to borrow money great spenders are often bad lenders Ben Franklin and the worst friend errs but they cook the best chicken tenders when they talk out here not with you I know this one more than I would like to admit and I knew I wasn't crazy when I said that people talk to themselves but with you hearing what do you mean by this I am a high functioning autists trying to see if I have done any of these things without realizing it since you're autistic it may not apply to you your condition is medical their condition is being alert but it's when what you are saying doesn't matter they'll keep on talking they're not posing for your replies or your input they're just straight up talking that you are not to you even if you get a reply in or engage in the conversation they'll just continue and quite often change the subject even after you try to engage basically try to imagine you weren't there see if what they are saying would still make sense if it does they could might as well talk to a brick wall they're not interested in your input at all anyone else reading the comments primarily to see if you could someone else's red flag I'm trying to pin down why nobody wants to be friends with me I'll be your friend buddy I'll be your buddy guy instantly wanna spend time with me 24/7 and gets offended and takes it personally if I can't hang out or simply don't want it as an introvert who never had much friends I did this unfortunately it's a bad habit that I actively try to shake the first step to breaking bad habits is recognizing it in the first place idk if you're looking for advice but what it says if you catch yourself getting upset or angry because someone can't hang out with you just ask them if they'd be free for another day or we could just be super friendly about it chances are if you're friendly and you're like hey no worries let's plan for another time they'll want to reach out to you again thank you as I do get upset if they don't have time sometimes the issue comes from them not invested in the friendship as me I go 100 percent in all my relationships I am also working that when people only talk and hang out with you when they need something from you met so many people like this in my time of university I thought it was normal turned out I just had shitty friends who never checked and after school I got sick of this now I have like two friends and even then they don't contact me off them like I love helping people but when my life's [ __ ] hits the fan and not one of like 12 people can even give me a ride once I'm done like romantic relationships people moving too fast I fell into two relationships like this one where the woman called me her best friend after knowing each other less than a month and the other a woman asking me to be her bridesmaid after only hanging out together about five times they both turned out to be awful narcissists and were likely using love-bombing to learn my friendship yes I have to second this love-bombing doesn't necessarily have to come from a narcissist either it can be a sign of other mental problems or general uncertainty I had a friend once where I thought we got on like a house on fire we talked a lot and had amazing times until we went on holiday together it was soiree too early in the relationship about two months after we met but I was not even thought we were good enough friends for that turns out we weren't and turns out a self-absorbed person can't just strip off their behavior needless to say we're not in contact anymore because I actively choose not to I believed in their mind we're actually still good friends did something happen on the holiday between you two or did you just realize they weren't a person you want to be around anymore oh no now I'm worried someone is going to think I'm love bombing them hello 3:00 a.m. anxiety when they keep trying to top you oh yeah well I did this I had a friend that did this constantly like you couldn't say anything without I having done the same thing or done something better at some point when I finally was like a can we not with the one-upping it makes me feel bad she pretended to cry and dramatically ended the friendship lol what a mess well that's nothing I had at least two friends and a dog who did that all one-upping negative things I was talking to two friends of mine about the Americans W Disabilities Act and also 504 plans since I'm a disabled student I was talking about how my deafness is legally covered and this person whom I don't really consider a friend anymore says TCH at least yours is covered dot he's not disabled he also like to one-up like Oh yep I didn't even go to sleep last night or uh I have it worse I was checked into a mental hospital remember it's a huge red flag and gets very tiring after a while when you can clearly hear them rummaging through your bathroom cabinets while talking to themselves for 30 minutes which happened this past weekend that ended the new friendship very quickly okay I'm going to need some more details here did you ever figure out what they were looking for 30 minutes seriously also could you overhear what they were saying so many questions I'm becoming pill bottles or something they had been an addict apparently in the past then I could hear them having some kind of conversation and thought they might be on the phone but then saw their phone on the couch I couldn't hear what they were saying it was mostly incoherent I had a schizophrenic friend who came over to my house realized she forgot her meds and proceeded to tear apart my medicine cabinet looking for her meds we both laughed about it later when everything was calmer and we figured out what the yuck was going on but yeah it was weird in the moment unprovoked passive aggression again thanks agasshi oh I'm sure we'll find some great examples further down this thread I'm a very blunt woman and I take [ __ ] from absolutely no one message I got literally 20 minutes ago thanks you for reminding me is that passive aggression for me as a gay man it's when a girl makes a comment about having needing a gay best friend or says something like gay people are sooo funny or clearly starts to treat me differently in a superficial way when they find out I'm gay it makes me immediately see them as shallow and I feel like I'm being used as an accessory I get really self-conscious about accidentally doing this but the thing is as soon as I find out a guy's gay it means I can drop my guard and don't have to be worried about leading him on or trying to figure out if he's hitting on me and I can just be friends with them this means I treat gay men very differently to not gay men I really hope it doesn't come across as yay gay best friend because to me it just means we can skip straight to being friends instead of trying to figure out how to friendzone them safely no it's not weird at all just treat people like you would be treated that's all I understand that when someone is hitting on you it's just really annoying or awkward and restrains on the French I've had this happened so many times with guys who only wanted to hang out with me because they were into me I just want photonic friendships semicolon if the person rants and raves about politics and doesn't discuss anything else ever especially unprompted everything turns into a rant about politics even if I agree with the person it's tiresome yeah it's extremely tiresome I have a friend that does this all the time and I'm just like I ocking no dude you're preaching to the choir here for the millionth time I get it already completely negative and complains my neighbors been trying to get to know me and he does nothing but complain about things and people it's hard to try to get to know them when I bring up any topic or common person and it's nothing but complaints you know they're dragging you every chance they get might be good to minimize contact I feel like this might be more of a high school thing but when I started becoming friends with more popular people and they thought making fun of my old friends or other unpopular friends was a good way to bond this happened to me in school I was thrilled to have some popular friends but they were making fun of my friends who weren't so popular and trying to get me to join in and I put a stop to that immediately they can either respect my other friends or we're not friends simple when you don't like them I swear people miss this one all the time simple but so important when I stopped liking a friend for whatever reason usually I find a side of them that I can't stand I'll drop them somehow most people I know would just stay friends with them over half of my friends just really aren't good friends or that specific friendship doesn't work but I really don't have enough friends to just decide to lose them idk why but for me making friends is really hard i heavily suspect i am annoying in some way and really want to work towards fixing it as soon as i figure out what it is but the three friends i actually consider friends 100% of the time insists that i'm not annoying don't take advice from people on reddit regarding making friends most of them aren't great at making friends that's why they're here take advice from people who's not reddit is like real life in that you shouldn't take advice from 80% of people the problem is that in reddit it's way harder to tell who the 20% is and they're usually not the most up voted someone who constantly talks about how they suffer from so-and-so mental disorder and uses that as their excuse to act the way they do I am fully supportive of any mental disorder and have full sympathy and support of anyone suffering from mental disorders this is purely personal experience mental illness is an explanation for someone's behavior not an excuse I have a mental illness and I swear by that statement the phrase it's not your fault but it is your responsibility change my life getting super close really quick is a red flag for me the last time that happened I was the rebound in the person only befriended me in spite of their ex BFF it's happened to me too same situation agree with everything but number 5 depending on the age of the people involved in the nature of the relationship if someone is in a healthy marriage long-term partnership no abuse or manipulation on the part of one partner to isolate the other I expect that my friends are going to prioritize their so over me and they understand that my husband is going to be prioritized over there yes exactly I will always prioritize my husband over my friends but I will also make time for them and spend time with them especially if they need me somebody willing to be my friend don't have time for those with poor judgment I just usually only get along with guys this one bothers me I don't do anything to turn away friendships with other girls but it's hard finding ones that are into my interests like am i pushing them away I'm not trying to there just isn't much to share as long as you are not going around declaring I don't get on with girls they're so dramatic or I'm not like other girls I only get along with guys like some sort of woman hater you're probably fine I'm a very antisocial woman and I have just one close female friend but I don't go around declaring - tastes for other women cuz I don't have it so nobody knows or cares about my female friendship this I've never had good luck with these types of women in friendships and I am now wary of women who don't have female friends they always claim that women are too much drama then without fail are completely beyond batch it crazy they can fool guys because they drink straight whiskey and love sports or some [ __ ] obviously I have met super introverted women people who just don't have a ton of friends in general and I am NOT talking about them it's the ones who have to announce that they're not like other girls or that they only have guy friends because women are crazy they usually only get along with guys that without fail end up being arcing nuts in my experience oh that clingy nurse from the start join our community discord link in description someone who always tries to one-up you in experiences howard says bear with social media I understand if maybe you are cause it's your business or whatever but ppl obsessed with social media are most likely stuck in a high school mindset and are always involved in petty drama is it a red flag if a person I just met immediately act like we've been friends for years not necessarily some people are just warm and welcoming however it is a bad sign if suddenly they tell you that you're their only friend if they try to pressure you into being too close too soon that is a problem when you are always the one to call or text I will reach out to friends and if I stop for a couple of weeks and they never text me then I know it's not a real friendship this is how I came to realize I have only two real friends I understand that we're adults and things can get busy but if I'm the only one ever initiating conversation then I can Safin abandom you're not interested in conversation or making plans with me but whenever I meet someone and we are eating at a restaurant I pay close attention at how they treat the waiters and whoever might be providing a service if you treat every human being the same way you treat me I at least know you're not faking it if they're constantly talking [ __ ] about other people when the person doesn't care about you happy cake day I agree I still struggle with talking about only myself even inadvertent thank you once someone not remembering my name after being told a couple times too bad talking other friends of theirs if all people thought like that I would not have any friends that one is very true though the name part is like a roulette for me either I remember a name for all eternity or just can't stick it in my brain then I try hard but can't promise it'll let me I don't do it on purpose so no that one isn't necessarily forgetting because they don't connect to you or like you I was lab partners with a woman from Belize before schools closed initially she was very friendly and warm and quickly invited me to visit her hometown in Belize and told me how they would welcome me and my husband and all the things we would go and see I was thinking whoa Nellie we've only known each other a few weeks but was nonetheless appreciative of her warm and welcoming nature during our breaks she'd often try and buy me coffees and share her food with me even though I didn't need it we switched to zoom meetings and online work that maintained our lab groups from class within the first two weeks of online labs she threatened her six-years-old twice that he was going to get a beating and often marched out of her room screaming at him during our video calls then she threatened to beat me with her belt over honey because I hadn't finished some work that was due a week from then for the record I'm a 29 year old woman for a multitude of reasons I ended up getting permission from my professor to finish the labs on my own turns out that overly warm vibe has a nasty flipside when someone says we should totally do something later than never makes an effort to make it happen when you have to carry the conversation if you catch them lying or changing their story as they tell it from person to person always a sign that they are perpetual lives when you make a friendly joke and they get mad and try to hit you define friendly joke sometimes people play as if they're the victim after getting fit behind beat for saying disrespectful things disguised as a joke over sharing sharing too much too fast like haha I like raspberries too anyways when I was 4 my dad killed my mom they may be using you for emotional labor or as a crutch and either way it's likely not good for you to commit yourself to that person important to set and maintain boundaries kids my friend needed a place to stay when her bf kicked her out we gave her our place for the weekend while we were out of town came back and the house was trashed she told us that she had as many as 10 people come over she also had a boy stay over who she said slept on the couch but it was pretty obvious they slept in our bed what our friends Russ Monica Rachel Chandler Joey and Phoebe non-stop talking about their own stories a one-upper you don't always need the best story the worst story the most anything story it makes friendships hard cause they don't need to be a constant competition friendship is effort no amount of I am introverted or I am busy all the time replaces that you have time and energy for a few friends choose them wisely and be vocal about relationships it's fine having a lot of acquaintances it's not to keep on trying people who gossip or mock people behind fire back it's a very ugly behavior and also likely to spread to you've gotta ping too if you aren't careful gossiping not only means that person probably [ __ ] offs you behind your back it also means they seek drama plus gossiping leads to a lot of bad misunderstandings when people start twisting truth for a better gossip story avoid people who gossip and your life will be a lot less stressful if they trash-talk their other friends behind their back with you it doesn't mean that they trust you and want to enhance that you are a better friend it means they will trash talki with those friends behind your back - and probably already have I don't like that word don't say that word when he/she keeps ignoring you or keeps treating you like sh t I've been like that and got almost no friends not a teetotaller by any means but meeting someone for the first time who is can't handle myself drunk is generally a pretty bad sign for me and for clarity I define that level of drunk as being violent belligerent or just way too reckless mood swings walking on eggshells so as not to make them angry someone immediately telling you their entire life story big red flag always being the victim in their own stories acting to post for new acquaintances and telling you uncomfortably personal stuff unprompted usually despite attempts to get them to stop proclaiming their views religion politics values way too enthusiastically and firmly convinced that they are right thanks for watching subscribe for three videos a day [Music] [Music]

Channel: Ask Planet

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Keywords: ask reddit, planet reddit, What's an immediate red flag when trying to make new friends?, socializing, immediate red flags, friend, friends, immediate red flag, red flag, reddit top posts, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit cringe, reddit, updoot reddit, best reddit posts, funny reddit, reddit story, reddit funny, askreddit, tz reddit, reddit watchers, askreddit stories, funny reddit stories, askreddit scary, funny askreddit, askreddit stupid, askreddit question

Id: ef1huahBCZY

Length: 24min 25sec (1465 seconds)

Published: Fri May 01 2020