Hoarders: Andrew / Lydia - Full Episode (S3, E17) | A&E

actually drives me a little nuts when things are  too clean and organized this is where you sleep   yep i was a failure as a mother i just love her  so much i think this plan of action is [ __ ] oh   really get your mom's attention no it doesn't  matter no one listens to me i am too sentimental   you also have a son that is paralyzed  that is moving into that room   if the stuff doesn't go i can't go home hey major  issue is lydia's emotional state it's kidding me my name is andrew and i'm  19 years old i'm freckles   i don't think my brain is wired  for me to be neat and tidy   actually drives me a little nuts when  things are too clean and organized for me walking through this house is natural i  know how to balance myself i know where to step   where to go so it's not really a problem i've  always been in this type of environment and   i learned the hoarding from my  mom i don't know how else to live i'm jean and i'm andrew's mom i haven't  made a great deal about his hoarding because   i do the same thing he's learned it from me it  has become ingrained in him as well as in me   i think the fact that both of us are  participating in it makes it a vicious cycle my name is chris i'm 25 and i'm andrew's brother  my brother he's 19. andrew love him he is stuck   in that house when i saw my brother's bedroom the  first thing i thought of was my mother's bedroom   i i couldn't believe it that he had taken on the  same traits that my mother did i hesitate to blame   my mom but i mean it's just the situation  we're in she led me to this organization   i cannot say that he shouldn't blame me because  he should blame me i am responsible for it   i was too young to know what was going on i  never remember my dad being around my father uh best way of saying he was a bastard-coated  bastard with bastard filling i mean he was not   the best guy when i went through my divorce  it was a very very painful thing for me that   was totally out of my control i had no recourse i  couldn't say no you know i don't want the divorce   as my life became more unmanageable i  seem to try to keep more and more things   i would buy things in case someday i would  need them and so things just piled up when my mom was drinking she pretty much just  stayed in her room isolated herself when she   was done for the day she'd just go in there  and watch tv or read some romance novels and   kill a box of wine they had to  make their own meals they had to   dress themselves they had to wash their own  clothes they had to do all these things that   a traditional mother would do i tried to get away  from that house as much as i could i would spend   all of my time at my friend's house i would spend  time just walking around the city i was a failure   as a mother i left him behind i didn't  see any way of taking him with me   i didn't i didn't know what i could do for him  i have regrets about leaving andrew all the time   i feel like growing up in the horde had  robbed me of my chance of having a standard   childhood i do resent my mom but i think she did  the best she could with the situation she was in this is an emotional problem this is deep seated  i think they feel that their lives have some sort   of emptiness without the clutter they need to  have stuff andrew has had 15 years to watch me   hoard things while it's only been  15 years for me and i'm over 50 now   it has been his whole life it's his way of coping  since he he was four years old it scares me to   think that i'll be a hoarder forever you  know never be able to live any other way i ended here i am a homemaker i grew up in puerto rico up to 16 17 and i came  to new jersey and i've been here all these years   my name is michael and lydia is my mom my  mom keeps everything you know it can be a   screw it can be a pin it could be you know  a box a bag angels figurines knickknacks   ornaments little bears little dollies  oh flowers forget it i go bananas my name is anthony and lydia is my  mom i know she keeps family photos   childhood arts and crafts that we've  created all my childhood stuff is there i am too sentimental maybe  that's no good i don't know   house wasn't cluttered when i was  little you know when i was a kid   you know there was space we had the sofas  living room we could run around the house   but it was after me and my two brothers started  leaving and all this stuff just started adding   up adding up adding up i think she's got that  uh emptiness syndrome or something like that   it doesn't matter how you are or whatever but your  mother doesn't stop loving you you know she'll   always want to take care of you and you know i'm  pretty sure she's gonna be there now you know i was walking out of the house and i  just lost all complete feeling in my legs   i called my mom i said mom i can't you know i  can't feel money i can't walk i took him to the   emergency room and they says that he has a an  infection on his leg but went up to his neck   and from there now he cannot move at all he have to come here he has nobody else i'm greg frank and i am the occupational therapist   contractor it's my job to let the medical  team know whether or not the condition is safe   michael can't go home right now first of all  you can't get in the front door or the back door   there are obstacles inside the doorways there's  pieces of furniture there are boxes things   that are going to make it so that you and i  could walk through there but you can't take   a wheelchair that has a 25-inch span and propel  it through there without running into an obstacle   if they don't let me go home they would you  know want me to go like a nursing home facility   now unfortunately there aren't facilities for  people his age and if they put him in one of   those old people nursing homes he's not going  to have the care that he's getting living here   no i don't want to go to a nursing home no i'm  too young for you know nursing homes are for   older people you know and i'm just going to be  bored out of my mind in the nursing home coaster   crazy or whatever he is depressed there are days  that you get aggravated frustrated and you just   you don't want to blow up i don't want him to go  to a nursing home he's going to be more depressed   i am a nervous wreck my nerve has been no good my mom she's having a tough time you  know what she wants to get rid of when she   you know wants to keep but she knows that  if the stuff doesn't go then i can't go home   how does that make me feel heartbroken  you know i only got three kids my babies andrew i love him so much and the fact  that i brought a lot of this onto him   is something that i'll have to live with i'm  afraid that if i continue to hoard as an adult   there won't be anyone to  help me i'll be all by myself hello i'm dr chabot hi i'm suzanne chabot i'm  a clinical psychologist and i specialize in   obsessive compulsive disorders and hoarding  gene nice to meet you nice to meet you   andrew and jean both hoard the sad thing here  is that for many many years hoarding has had a   dramatic impact on this family's lives  there's been a sense of helplessness here   to correct the problem when did you guys start  saying you know i don't even care where where   the trash goes anymore when did that happen i  think it's definitely been going on for years   years does it feel like a home to you guys i mean  for you it's like this is our place it feels safe   it feels comfortable it's your protection from  the world what is it what is this place for you   this is a place where i come to sleep sometimes i  eat but it's not it's not homey it's not you know   someplace i would invite anyone in i don't  mind the house i feel comfortable in it   i don't terribly mind bringing  friends here is this part of who you   are the way the house is at this point in your  life you know the clutter the number of objects   it is part of an extension of your own  identity it's one of the things about you yeah   it is andrew's problem is serious in the sense  that he's seen this happen his entire life   but it's a life that's been paralyzed it's  a life that's been kept from developing   careful oh oh i'm not gonna do that so this is  your palace yes it is this is your comfort spot   yep and this is where you like to be this is  where you sleep yep i sleep there do you like it   i do very much so it's just very cozy  and personal andrew doesn't know how   to define a personal space he just lets it happen  and he also continues to feed it with stuff do you   ever wish that your mom didn't pass this on to you  either through genetics or it by showing you um   i guess my life would be better if i didn't hoard  but it's it's just part of what makes me who i am   would you like him to not feel like this is normal  yes i think that would be great if if he could   get past this i don't think you want him  to live the rest of his life as a hoarder   no do you no if andrew doesn't do anything about  this problem if he doesn't move forward he will   be like every other horror who doesn't get help  they start dying inside and living in depression i couldn't be in the house with  all the clutter there's no way you know like this i couldn't be i'd have to  grin and bury it and go to the nursing home hello hi lydia i'm dr hannan my name is dr scott  hannon and i specialize in cognitive behavioral   therapy for compulsive hoarding tell me about  this room going through lydia's home you'll   notice that there is a lot of material that  has accumulated there's a box of trophies over   here can you tell me about these a friend of mine  gave me because she says i know you like trophies   do you mind if i give you some what makes them  important to you is that a friend of yours   gave those to you what's going to be tough for  her is going to be letting go of things that   somebody might have given her and now she sort of  feels like the keeper of that item and it would   be almost insulting to let go of that item how  difficult would it be for you to let go of those   you know she's always in my heart she went  to all my kids graduation they they love her   like she was a grandmother you take your  friendships extremely seriously don't you   when someone's close to you they're like a member  of your family aren't they yes for her there's   such a high degree of emotion to let go of that  stuff she thinks she's doing something wrong okay so leah tell me about this room  well this is going to be my kiss room 201   how do you feel about changing this room around  and getting it ready for him because i imagine   there's probably a lot of emotional stuff  coming up for you having him come back home it's going to be tough how has that affected  you i mean to see your son go through this   this is a major change to his life and to his  family's life it's killing me yeah you know the   thing the worst means that he don't walk no more  he is really active person there's a part of you   that really wants him to be home with you so  that you can take care of him he's might be a major issue that we may face as  we're cleaning through the home is   lydia's emotional state so i think what we're  going to look at is can we start clearing up   the space so that others can make a good  determination of is this a place that we can get   him home and functioning we're going to have to to  watch her and be respectful of how she's doing and   check in with her to make sure that things  are going at a pace that's appropriate   so he's killing me it's getting here not all waters live and filth but if you hoard  long enough your home usually will become dirty   and you will have a collection of trash   andrew knows that there is a difference  between what he treasures and what is   trash but he doesn't feel that he can  organize himself to deal with all of this good morning everybody thank you for being  here i am dorothy brenninger i'm a professional   organizing expert and i specialize in hoarding  why are we here why do you want all of us here why   so we can have a clean house in this case andrew  is 19 years old he is the youngest self-admitted   hoarder that i've met this is going to be  new for me i'll be whispering in your ear   but i'd like for you to manage the crew  some of the time and actually help them   and your mom get this house up and running okay  okay teaching organizational skills to andrew   will be a key this is not like we're taking a  hoarder who is 40 or 50 or 60 and having them   undo these bad habits that they've had for years  we can actually affect a change and teach him now   the kind of skills that he can use going  forward okay so we're going to get going   but actually i'd like you to give the direction  so please tell the crew that let's get going   let's head into the house and start on the living  room okay let's get going start in the living room maybe get the things behind the door so  we can actually open the door all the way   you got leadership on my very  right hand side i love it if the two of you are coexisting in this house  how will you share cleaning chores i can tell you   what's gonna happen she's gonna not do anything  and i'm gonna clean up after whether she likes it   or not so he has some predictable thoughts about  you gene yes is he right is this really the case   um he has nothing as far as i know  to base that on i think when she was   drinking she'd often blind herself to the  situation in the house and to how her kids were   living underneath the clutter are feelings yes  right yes and your son is kind of ticked off he's   had to be the responsible adult what do you have  to say about that he is entitled to his opinion this is andrew's moment it's his time to say i  need to be seen i need to be visible you leave   the house and my existence disappears from your  mind oh and then you come home and you go on the   computer and take a nap and i've been at home  by myself all day and someone's finally here   and then you ignore me for a  couple of hours while you sleep   and that that really makes me feel so important  in your life what is it that you think you need   or needed that your mom was not able to  give to you she was just like go away and   that's what she did when she came home she just  stayed in her room and she checked out as a parent   i really always looked to my grandmother um my  mom couldn't take care of something she would   what did it feel like to have your grandmother  and your life um and what are you gonna miss   i really miss just walking into our house and feeling like i was home and walking in the  front door and she'd be there with a warm smile   the warm smile said to you what what did it  say to you said that she was happy i was there   she was glad to see me every child should have that to know  that someone's happy that they're there   now i just feel like i don't have anybody i'm hoping to get the space you know that  i need to get in and out of the house   but it's gonna be hard for my  mom to get rid of that stuff   but i don't want her upset my  mother comes before anything   good morning morning good morning my name is matt  paxton i'm an extreme cleaning specialist we are   here for one reason and one reason only we want  to get michael back into this house lydia's son is   still at the hospital he's supposed to be released  within the week unfortunately they cannot release   him to this house because there's no way that  wheelchair can get in and out of any of the doors   you're probably really nervous very anxious i  know you're feeling very protective today of   your mother the hardest part for me is seeing  my mother get emotional or getting upset   or crying because of what's going on in the home   those are all good feelings okay oh  yes mikey oh look at that very cool i think my mom was crying she  misses me you know she wants me home   she's uh i'm excited and worried i guess  you know about what's going on today okay so this is the room that's going  to be michael's here are trophies   now these are the trophies that your friend had  given to you i can put this out in the garage   hold on we need to make some tough decisions here  to save space what would happen if you let this go will it hurt me why because those are sentimentals  to me your love for her her love for you is not in   these items they are up here in your head that  will never go away i think it's more than just   these trophy inner connections to a friend she  gets stuck to even think about partying with   things that she has a sentimental attachment  to the challenge here is there's this box   of trophies that you're very attached to the  conflict is we also have the situation where   what's so important to you is having your son at  home and the two things wind up in conflict with   each other your friend if we said to her listen  one of the things we'd have to do is get rid of   this box of old trophies for michael to come home  we need to make room do you think she would be   happy with that decision or or supportive  of that decision i don't know because she   was like me she was very sentimental she liked  those trophies more did she like michael moore   well i know she loved michael um that  shouldn't be a hard my kids yeah but you know   i mean this this is this house is a perfect  storm of emotions this is a wonderful family   a loving family so for us we're  going to need to find a balance if it is that you need the space to put your  stuff so it doesn't go outside then just put   my bed in the front and the living room area you  know it's not like i need another space anyway you sure don't worry about it is that what you  want lydia yeah so we're saying living room   this is a family that really loves  each other and they protect each other   michael was willing to live in the living  room just so his mother could keep more   when the family doesn't push the other one to let  go of things they actually make the hoarding worse really old cake how is is it really old  well if as if it has if you go like this   and feel dust on it just toss  it pen slash calculator oh   can be helpful i need an office supplies area  huh yeah i'm feeling a little frustrated right   now because i look at it like they're going  through a treasure hunt right now they're   looking for buried treasure that they haven't  seen and see most of this stuff i would just end   up tossing all together they're picking through  the treasure instead of tossing out the sand mom   popcorn tin is it empty yeah is it can  it be used for like cookies and stuff   i guess they know that there's only  a certain amount of time left and   they won't be able to get it  all done if they keep this up we're gonna go left to right and let's get  to it because we're gonna clear this out   and then get right onto the middle  room and then move on to andrew's room   we're gonna each take a bag and start clearing the  cans and bottles okay would you i i would you help   why are we saving my room for last uh  because we can't do two at once we can't so   okay all right we better get to it it will  oh really i mean if my room is the one that   doesn't get clean because we run out of time you  have no idea how angry i'm gonna get really i'm   challenging you to help your mom right now okay  and to do the very best that you can to help her   when you know that what you want is a  priority to you i mean i really really   think i should be working on my room but  we've been working on the rest of the house   this whole time we can look at the surface and  go god this kid he doesn't know how to work   he's oppositional and he doesn't want to work  the truth is andrew doesn't know how to give   a voice in a healthy way to what's inside  of him well i mean if i'm going to be   literally given no other options no i mean  you could say to heck with it i'm going to go   do my room but you have to let everybody know  that you're not going to cooperate and why well   i'm not going to cooperate with  this no ma'am tell them not me no they're not listening to me well get them  to listen to you no it doesn't matter they   never listen to me no one listens to me no one  values what i have to say well you get them to   you get them to value what you have to say what you just get your mom's attention tell her  to turn around look at you well i don't have a   problem with what my mom's doing dorothy is making  me making us work here first got it so i'm here   okay can you tell her tell me i think this plan of  action is [ __ ] if we work on two rooms that my   mom has been towarding forever then we aren't  gonna get to my room i'd love for you to join   us if you'd rather do your own room i you know at  this point i i can't do either of that i need okay   and just make it in the living room  i'm gonna make it in the living room   because it's gonna be ultimately easier  you know easier for you easier for me you know the windows you can um   the windows you can bring down the blinds if  you moved all the all the flowers and stuff in the living room your back pain no and i get the  spasm in my legs and they get tight and they hurt can't stay any longer my brother left too  so i think she's taking it well you know   i think she's more scared than anything else you  know i'm doing it on their own be careful bobby   let's go back over there get away from everything   this is a typical mom problem and you're a good  loving mom and what sons do is they leave their   stuff at their mother's house all around the  country they said i'll just leave it mom's   i'll get it later and what happens is mom's house  looks like this mom's house is not a storage unit   mom's house is not a place you just leave all  your stuff so one thing i want you to learn is   to be able to say no which is very hard to do for  a loving mother very hard for a mother to tell her   son now see i only got my three boys i know and  i have no sister he's still gonna love you when   you say take this junk home to your house anthony  has a ton of stuff in this house and most of it's   big cabinets so the guys right now are taking  all the cabinets out of the house and freeing   up some space finally i mean emotionally it got  easier lydia in the afternoon but she's still   really having a tough time on the smaller things i  need two plants that can come out of the house and   just go with soil but i need you to tell me which  two oh yeah yay i know this is hard let me see if   not this one i have to replant this one she's she  still have one piece alive look over to your right   if we can't in any of those and uh and what about  the thing underneath it this that's that's my   stereo i would love to donate that somewhere could  we do that but when i'm going to play my records   we have to pass on the record so we're gonna have  to not have a place to play your records right now   yeah i think you've already stepped that you're  not playing record as it is it's been 10 years so   there are records from my god's mother  son we're kind of in a time crunch now   michael's coming home next week and there's  still stuff everywhere i'm standing around   you know probably two tons of trash we've taken  one 50-gallon bag of trash out and that's it   i'm not going to talk about  whose room should be done first   i want to find out what's really going on here  there's a there's a person inside of you that's   you know really hurting and upset i just don't  know what value the relationship with my mom has   when these things are gone when we  don't have hoarding in common anymore   the hoarding gave you what boarding with  your mom gave you what really a bond yeah   and that's what you really want i feel like she's  just gonna go to work every day and forget i exist at 19 it's the time in andrew's  life to say i'm moving forward   it's not the time for him to make  up for losses in his childhood   he can only say i'm sad and angry about what  i didn't get your mom to learn and if she   we don't know she'll ever learn and that's what  you're facing huh you don't know she'll ever get   it and you might have to just accept that can i  ask you to put the bag right here okay thank you i think andrew is doing a really good job  getting rid of the stuff in his room he really   is sticking with it and he is throwing things out  and there's not going to be much left in his room we took a lot out of this house i figured we  would because there was just so much trash   really by far and away this is the most  trash i've ever extracted from a house   we took out seven tons of trash and one ton of  that was donation i think the most important thing   i took away from this whole process is hoarding  isn't any way to live and you absolutely need   to create the best situations for you because  you can't expect other people to do it for you   andrew is a wonderful candidate for therapy   i think andrew needs somebody who can really  hear his feelings and help him become a man   i think i definitely have a greater  chance of success than my mom does   it's very possible she'll just  continue the way she's been living if and i think this is a big if i go back to the  hoarding he can move on he could go live somewhere   else and i'd be okay with that on the other hand  i i don't want to let him go because he is my baby my future is bright however i don't know i don't know whether i'm going to be able to  include my mom in that i just love her so much and   i don't want to leave her behind what this guy's gonna have a heart  attack what what did you say to matt   sounds like you are thinking  about letting those trophies go   but they're gonna go bye-bye how bye-bye  are we talking on the property out of the   house are we talking on the truck on the bottom  really cause i think it's fantastic but this is   good this means you're letting you're taking the  better good of the family above your own personal   knickknacks yeah you're taking control back  of your home that's a good thing that was good   keep this or let it go take it good job donate  it that big piece yes yes that's wonderful   that's it thank you very nice work hey what happened bro all that in there that's what we're doing  we're taking everything out of there   unfortunately because there's so much  glass things are going to get broke   when something breaks during a cleanup it becomes  an immediate item that you can really focus all   the anger and all the blame on it really has  nothing to do with the item i said i don't know   i don't need next and you're right  you do have a lot of knickknacks   you also have a son that is paralyzed that  is moving into that room very soon there's   no way to get around that anymore we have to  empty that room for him to come home period yes he thrust that's all we got dude a lot of space i never thought those trophies would leave me that  was amazing you know it was a big change got rid   of stuff and you got me here this whole check out  to your right that whole room is empty now too   wow so you better take a lot of  space you won't be just stuck here she did it she got rid of the stuff that  she was holding on to for a long time   years and stuff to get me in the house i  didn't think to tell you it was possible   but she did she did you know she did  real good you guys did a tremendous job sorry about your base thank you for letting us in  your home sorry about that babe this is just a first step lydia  still needs to clean up that bedroom   michael needs his own space and hopefully she  will follow through with aftercare and start   cleaning out those other spaces but i think we  got done what was essential at this point in time thank you hi thanks for being a fan of  hoarders and subscribe to a   e for more videos and click the  links around me to watch more

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Id: XDoI6QgQxcU

Length: 43min 44sec (2624 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 16 2021