here's a terrible movie i found (and love)

[Laughter] my need is great angelica [Music] movie night what is this it's an obscure and debatably bad movie from 1989. it's called chameleons we should watch it is there a reason it's called chameleons yes is it a good reason no i really don't want to watch this movie tonight where are we watching it upstairs you dense ape one thing before we begin though our pantry and fridge are nearly empty meaning i need to go buy food meaning i need money are you about to do no one likes to feel like they're wasting money while shopping online brayden are you aware that there's an easy way to always get the lowest price it's called honey it's a free browser extension that automatically slaps on the best promo codes for anything you buy online i know it's on my computer that means brayden that you always get the best deals without even trying on over 20 000 sites including amazon ebay sephora best buy asos walmart and more i know i use it oh you do yes oh me too do you want to you want to get a pizza sure because with honey i just ordered a large size pizza for 14.29 instead of 1902. look at it go magic what a steal right brayden that's just one example brayden honey works on practically anything look how easy it is to install it's just two clicks even you could do that and i'm pretty sure you eat glue for fun dude shut up i don't do that listen there's no reason not to use honey it's free it takes two clicks to install i've already mentioned this in a past video but they don't sell your data and clicking the link helps to support the channel check out this link or the one in the description to slide it into your browser but also watch this video first if you i'm gonna level with you i i don't even know where to begin you know usually the imdb is a good place to kick things off except the synopsis doesn't really exist and the only summary they have is is really good i guess i could describe it you know a sort of shoestring budget lovecraftian horror slash bizarre hitter miss romantic comedy directed by mike anderson who went on to direct and is still currently directing the simpsons and starring harry s robbins voice of dr kleiner that just kind of leaves more questions doesn't it the thing about this film is that it's not regular old bad but it's not quite campy either there's this weird middle ground it lies in where i'm just not sure how much is intentionally bad versus how much is just genuine shit and it's and it's real good wait a second do i know you hey where's the game going so as is the way with these older movies there's an obscenely drawn out opening credit sequence that tells us absolutely nothing got to reach a 90 minute mark huh there he is that should take care of the flux vortex dimensional wave modulation online if we just recalculate the reverse polarities to amplify the subsystem oh fine waveform's still weak let's try it anyway what a man what a what a treasure i don't care hearing that voice come from that man it's a blessing yeah mr doctor continues to study the blue world for a hot minute meanwhile local gamer sam uses his monochrome caveman computer to stare at a jpeg of a female for too long mail call mail called sam this just came for you totally tubular guys she said totally tubular because he received in the mail a cylindrical object oh linda couldn't you please put on something more um cheerful why what's the matter with it nothing if you're going to a funeral aren't you going to open it i don't think you'd be interested in a poster of the greater crab nebula so why doesn't little lindy go to a room and play with cannon barbie guy what's your problem dweeb you're like a nine right now i'm gonna and i need you to bring it down to like a four all right so what you got sam wanted to share with the class oh proof there is a god don't tell me it's the same girl yep same same girl what are your interests outside this woman do you have other interests is is this all he has this is weird sam buddy we all know what it's like to look at a woman and feel things but if you're gonna take action to fucking do it why is he just staring at her too bad you're only a poster this man is obsessed crab nebula huh crab lice maybe don't get me wrong you've got good taste linda you have another phone call and try not to slobber on the receiver this time you know i i get to trying to be funny but i'm i'm not feeling it so sam meets up with his dad sam congratulate me i've done it i've done it sam please validation is all i have left no wait wait wait wait i can just balance it from over here uh check the monitor you stay on the monitor dad slow down a minute i haven't understood a word you said aren't you paying attention a three-year-old could understand this i'm talking about an infinitely stretched plasmoid bubble sustaining itself from nanosecond to nanosecond it's that simple do try to keep up it's only theoretical collective magnetic plasma physics phenomena after all what are you some incompetent brainlet dad you're not doing nuclear again right oh hold on a again what do you mean again what happened last time i'm calling doctor oh we're just gonna brush past that we're just okay easy this is wingate i need 700 gallons of that reactive super coolant dad do you mind i've got some serious communication going on here linda's on the phone again it's not safe for a child to spend so much time on the phone dad i've been doing some calculating do you have any idea what would happen if this coolant runs out well in that unlikely event i suppose there would be some kind of chain reaction chain reaction dad we're talking about a 600 megaton blast radius is that how that works megaton the thing that refers to either mass energy or the place in fallout 3 you sir are referring to distance length radius a different form of fucking measurement we're only nine quarts into this film that's a joke i am funny you better shut it down now or i'm telling mom i mean so the threat of telling mom is a serious threat to our scientist as it is to a baby because he immediately changes his tone and turns it off yeah it's off you know we're now introduced to another character auntie angela okay this part here is actually brilliant pay close attention to the actors faces when they speak to the aunt it's subtle but paired with context clues buried deep within the script you can infer that the rest of the family might not be pleased to see her angie angelica what a shock surprise nathan told me my invitation was lost in the mail i thought the uh dead look was passe but apparently not this character feels like a toned-down version of brandon rogers ceo i didn't become the head of the company by being a good person you can tell your children they won't be having a christmas this year she goes on for a bit with uh being really funny and well written are you sure this won't break you just give me my change peasant before basically insisting that she'll stay at the family mansion for a while also did i mention they live in a mansion also i mean the movie didn't there wasn't never an establishing shot before now but yeah they live in a mansion hey britain how do you spell subtlety um you know b-i-t-c-a yes you can just put it right there everything's freshly ah yes i ran it over this morning still warm shortly after another character is introduced [Music] this is count desmond yes that's that's right counts nobility duke baron count him is there a reason no there's literally no reason for it that's when you know you're watching a bad movie things just happen there are just occurrences you know sometimes they matter sometimes anyway the mere presence of the count gets every woman in the vicinity so hot and bothered they can hardly think straight is that is that cousin desmond yes that was me but you could hardly tell from the picture i'm afraid everyone here everyone here everyone you see family everyone except for the maid everyone gonna be another one of those kleiner continues to observe the blue world sees a head crab and then a hmm [Music] [Applause] hey jimmy stop throwing the props around we need though what did i just say yeah so we got aliens now just you know there they are one of them splooges an unpleasant liquid onto the other and they run around you know honestly they're kind of cute in a really gross not cute way oh never mind no i don't like it yeah also new character do i know you also also head crab 1 attacks desmond and becomes him [Music] oh no i'm all right i guess assuming someone else's identity when you're an alien is pretty easy i spoke too soon emma could you show me the o8 okay one more how many texans does it take to eat an armadillo please no more wait two one to eat it and one to watch for uncommon cars that is neither funny nor accurate eating by the side of the rose mighty dangerous what you do is he toss it in the back wait for the lot of god to cook it through for at least two hours one of us think we're all some kind of goddamn animals fuck we then spend an uncomfortable amount of time looking up at sam from a gremlin eye view one must assume he's debating whether now's a good time to pump the old shotgun god what a great buck god i wish that were me because that's as close as you're gonna get linda i told you to stay out of my room you know what he could have been full on slamming it and she just walks in every single time you know what i a 20 year old do and when i look at the soft porn like pinups i talked to it saying god i wish i met you i'm also shirtless yes oh god okay how's it going to react shock confusion any normal response a human being would produce okay ignoring the elephant in the room here for one second i'd like to point out that sam sees an ominous inexplicable blue light shining from inside his closet walks in to investigate sees a soft core pin-up forgets everything and walks away dude must have a double a battery where his brain should [Music] be this is all very much of a surprise to me fuck you a model you've been fantasizing about since before your own face even appears on screen walks out of your closet eyes locked onto you wearing nothing but half a bed sheet and the only thing you have to say about it is hold on this is not normal they sand around for some more the alien fondles sam and that's it nothing else happens great [Music] i suppose i ought to be asking you what you're doing here i'm starting to think sam just doesn't know what sex is or guy he's got the love of his life in the palm of his hands he has no idea what to do he thinks this is it damn he wouldn't believe what i just did linda this is jasmine jasmine what is she doing here what is that is that the supermodel from the poster you ordered in real actual fucking life laying next to you in your bed half naked what's she doing here i'm looking for someone like like a boyfriend no sam you're my boyfriend hold on how do you even learn her name so what's your name oh my name it's which roughly translates to jasmine let's catch up with fake desmond what's he up to is he gonna please oh my god tonight i love this movie this is amazing after this gift of a scene kleiner yells from beyond the void for help fake desmond produces black liquid in pastor's mouth turns water into roach and attempts to sex the maid the characters all rendezvous for a bit and then sam takes his gamer girl gf to the diner to show off while this is happening fake desmond merges a handset into goth girl's mouth okay ghost electrocutes a repair man who served no purpose in the film and is never brought back and turns the pastor's own schlong into an alien my need is great angelica god i had no idea you were so so so blessed first here is he fucking is is he strangling his own dick he's only meaning to choking one out if you know him because he's holding his alien penis by the neck but also this all really tingles jasmine's spidey senses i guess i don't know something terrible has happened sam so she and the boys return home when they realize kleiner is missing and jasmine finally has a chance to just unload exposition all over desmond and the audience of course but he's not like me he could do great harm to you and your family if i cannot find the one i'm looking for fake desmond continues to cause problems for everyone i'm gay please watch this movie then linda reveals desmond as a fake to sam what's going on linda desmond continues his bullshit until finally our two head crabs in humans clothing confront one another just hold my hand and let's go back no i won't go [Laughter] and so in a fit of rage fake desmond runs into the portal room and destroys everything in sight in hopes of preventing either of the blue people from leaving he's like a three-year-old child [Music] sam and jasmine run off in pursuit puke out some more exposition you're his babysitter well he's hardly a baby he's almost 10 years old i take care of him once a week so he this is all too much is that really the hardest thing is that is that the wall that actually explains a great many things hmm and sam falls for the old second chair that's actually a blue gremlin alien oops you're a hostage now trick oldest in the book don't come near me creating a standoff which inconveniently happens to have occurred right around the time that the device is supposedly primed to go off in a 600 megaton blast radius so jasmine and desmond wrestle for way too long i'll kill you i'll kill you it's really weird [Music] but eventually he had desmond has returned to the blue world and all his bullshit is fixed right down to the electricity man getting unkilled thank the lord yeah he actually dies [Music] yeah yeah yeah you get it sam don't don't think about the gross slime creature that she is for actual real yeah just think ms paid obsession there you go and then finally sam's dad is returned from the home of this blue world i'm keeping that take fuck you then the movie remembers that we're all about to die [Music] perhaps i did overestimate the magnitude of the explosion in my calculations one birthday party scene later and we've reached the end of our journey i would absolutely recommend this film especially if you're watching with friends there's a lot of glazed over for the sake of brevity it's it's so good such a bizarre blend of intentional and unintentional comedy you can only really truly understand it when you watch it for yourself so yeah again highly recommended trick or treat oh yeah who are you talking to no one are you a youtuber dude that would be so cringe why don't you just take your candy get the fuck out of it anyway thanks to mike h for uh voicing dr kleiner the artists who helped us come out on time and everyone who's enjoying whatever bullshit i decide to make especially the patrons who are the reason i can pay rent right now check out honey if you like links in the description you

Channel: Noodle

Views: 938,941

Keywords: bad movie, funny, comedy, satire, noodle, kamillions, half life 2, kamilions, chameleons, review, halloween, 2019, elves, movie, 1989, 1990, dr kleiner, dr kleiner voice actor, Harry S. Robins, harry robins

Id: gynegKc9GvE

Length: 22min 22sec (1342 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 31 2019