Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT!!! Well if it isn't the deadbeat Well if it isn't nurse pussy face You aint gettin in here How many times do I have to sodomize you with a taser before you take a hint? As many as it takes to get me off, now enough with this foreplay, where's Barb? She checked out months ago, but that ain't none of your business Wait what? How? this is- wh-where the fuck did she go? Yeah, like I'm gonna tell you ass clown You know I kill people for a living, right bitch? Oh I'm SO FUCKIN scared... Ugh... Fine Blitz, she's got a job now, a life. Don't fuck it up by finding her Oh that's nice, why don't you take that advice and shove it right between your pussy LIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiips Sir! There's a client here who wants to- [Slams Door] I'm sorry, you were saying? Well, its just that I'm sure one of the other camp counselors killed me I'm just not sure which one... How could you not know? I was out on the lake when my boat started to sink. Someone had drilled holes in it The counselors are the only ones with keys to the boathouse, and they're the only ones who knew I couldn't swim. It had to be them Hmm, we don't typically do investigations, I'll have to check with the boss Uh, pardon moi sir. Not now Mox Sir, there's a client that needs us to investigate his death, and we don't usually No tiiiime But sir, we really need the cashflow, and I was thinking maybe- What part of "NO. FUCKING. TIIIIIIIME." do you not understand? Just handle it yourself You want me to lead? On a hit? I swear on all that is evil Mox if you aren't out of my office in negative 3 seconds- Yooou GOT IT SIR! We'll take the case! And I'll be handling this investigation personally Honey are you sure? What about Blitz? Honey, honey please. Blitz put me in charge this time He did?!? Oh! I mean, He... HE DID! Right! And this is going to be the cleanest, most well prepped, most surgical hit we've ever had! Don't worry sir! We'll find your killer And give him what's coming to him And/or her Or they... Why the fuck wouldn't she tell you where she was going? I mean, did you even ask? Wait hold on, I'm getting another call... Hellooooooo Oh Good, did you find- Really, where? Thanks, and I promise if we ever get a contract on your children We'll make it quick and painless- BYEEEEEEEE Mox... Are you sure this isn't a little... much It's my first lead Mills It has to be... perfect Now in front of you, you'll find a comprehensive guide to your cover persona Memorize it. We've got a lot of work to do [Children playing and laughing] Okay Millie, one last time for safety (in girly voice) I'm Moxxine, the hottest, most popular girl at my school, and you are? Your brother Millerd, I like sports and fuckin bitches Hm, you know these kids are a bit younger than I was expecting Maybe lose that last part Check! Alright, I think we're ready Hey Mox! Check out that shady lookin fella over there I think that's our guy Ahem, Millie... I hardly think pointing out the first guy you see is the proper way to conduct an- No that's definitely him. That bags full of money, and drugs, and what looks like a drill one would use to poke holes in a boat But- But that's all circumstantial at best! We need to methodically eliminate all suspects until we can be sure Now he's lookin around and heading into that locked boathouse we heard about That would be the perfect place to- Fine Mox... we'll do it your way With my sleuthing skills and your killer eye We should have this wrapped up in no time Now, we just have to find the kids with the most influence Oh... Target. Aquired. [Offscreen] HEY! So he snorted a whole line of ground up mints, and tried to convince us he was high Can you EVEN believe him? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh that Derek! What a riot! Riiiiiiiight? Um, who the fuck are you? I'm Moxxine, I'm the prettiest girl at my school And all the boys want me My favorite coloooooor is hot pink Because normal pink is sooooooooo- Basic I like horses, puppies, fast cars, jewlery- And I got my first period last year And it was SOOOOO HEAVY! I guess I'm just more mature than your typical preteen... So, you wanna be frieeeeeeends? The fuck is wrong with your legs? Wha- Um Oh! I um- uh... I was in an accident? The same accident that fucked up your skin? You look like you spent three years in a tanning bed It's uuuuh... Natural? Ahah! Yeah, you wish. That botch job looks like it cost five bucks in an alley behind Walmart Get lost you fucking freak! But I- eeeeh... Mean Girl: Oh my god! WHO is THAT?!? Look how beautifully tan he is WHAAAAT?!? I GOT IT!!! That was... The best spike I've ever seen... [Cheers] Please... I need medical attention First Aid is for WINNERS! Oh my GOD, he is so fucking HOT! Oh! Ya know he's my brother FUCK OFF TROLL! Hi, I'm lookin for one of your employees, her name is Barbie. Does she work here? Wait what? Who are you? AAAAGH Someone who's gonna get reeeal creative if you don't tell him what he wants! Where is she fucknut? I know you know! It only gets worse from here asshole! Okay! Okay! She's out on a pickup! Where? [Cheers] Mox! Did you see? I broke the record on the course! Mhmm. I saw. Can you believe this? Everyone LOVES me, they're cheering, - - they even posted videos of me online. LOOK! OOOH MOXXIE THAT WAS SO FUN! No wonder you sing all the time! Not exactly low profile... I know... but it's kinda nice havin people cheer for me for once ya know? Instead of SCREAMING in PAIN and HORROR Don't forget what we're here to do Millie I havn't. I'm just waitin until you're ready... Have you been able to eliminate any suspects? No of course not I can't get anything from anyone because they're too busy swooning over you If you want we can go off the guy right now! I think he's alone in the cabin- NO! I have to do this right I tell you what... Why don't you try winning them over with something you're good at like I did? How about your music? I can even help you since they already love me Yeah... YEAH! That just might work Millie: Ya'll wanna hear a SOOOOONG?!? Crowd: Yeeeah! Alright! I know you all like me, but Moxxine is the real deal y'all Let him-heeeeer tell ya all abouit it! MOX! Thank you... Moxxie? You okay? [Moxxie sobbing uncontrollably] GO AWAY! Moxxie what's going on? NOTHING! ITS- IT'S JUST MY TIME OF THE MONTH! Honey... no. I just wanna go home Hey big guy... I know you can do this You're the best assassin/musician/preteen girl I know [Choked sob] an- an- and investigator? And investigator. Look... I know it's been tough. Just keep playing to your strengths You have all week to get it right Okay... Thank you MOX! MOX! You'll never believe it! They want me to perform on stage tonight for the local news! Those videos have made me some kind of human celebrity All week it's been "Oh look at MILLERD! Isnt HE great?" "Oh look how talented MILLERD is!" WE have a JOB to do, and you're off dancing for views Why does it matter SO MUCH how these yokels feel about you? It doesnt... It matter how I feel about myself. And for once I feel like... Like I'm important! Like I'm someone to be proud of... And I had hoped that my husband would be there to support me - HALF as much as I'VE supported him THIS WEEK! Millie I didn't mean- SAVE IT MOX! You could have finished that job any time if you had just listened to me But you wanted to do things YOUR WAY So fine. Finish the job, go home if you want to - But I'm gonna have my moment WITH OR WITHOUT YOU! Oh crumbs... It's here man, I swear! Open it... Thanks chump You ready to go on champ? I guess... Great, now get out there and put camp IVANNAKUMMORE on the MAP! [Crowd Cheers] Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and Girls! Are you ready for a SHOOOOOW?!? [Crowd Boos] GET THE FUCK OFF THE STAGE! KILL YOURSELF NERD I am very proud to introduce to you - Someone with abilities never before seen on this Earth Someone with the raw athletic skill of an Olympian - The voice of an angel the acrobatic technique of an indentured twelve year old Russain ballerina And a body that - JUST. DOESN'T. QUIT. [Clears throat] The best, and most supportive person I've ever known And the love of my life My wife- Brotheeeeer... Millerd! Thank you.... Knock'em dead baby Speaking of... You sure? Go get'em baby What in the- SIR? MOXXIE? What the fuck are you doing here? Trying to finish the job you gave me Christ on a stick, you're still workin on that? It's been like a fucking week THIS is why I don't trust you with dick Mox And what exactly are you doing here sir? Apparently helping finish your botched job But mostly I'm looking for my sister- BARBIE! BLITZ? You know her? Do I know her? That's my sister fuckface! [Crowd explodes with cheers] What the fuck are you doing here shithead? I should be asking you the same thing! You check yourself out of rehab, no call, no note - And I have to track you down to this shithole with- who the fuck is this? No one, he works for me, and whos the little twink here? No one... He works for me Sir! That guys the target! Oh shit Barb! Looks like your little boy toy got himself into some trouble The fuck are you talking about? He killed our client, and now our client wants to kill him back You fucking WHAT? He found out about your drugs I don't want to fucking hear it kid, look you're not killing my supplier Oh fuck... supplier of what? You're not back on that H-8 are you? FUCK NO, Its just heroin Oh thank Satan [Child screams in futility...] So now you're peddling heroin? What's the point? That shit barely gets rid of a headache It's honest work okay? And I thought it would be sure to keep me as far away from you as possible And you teamed up with genius here because? Do you have any idea how easy teenage humans are to manipulate? Heeey! No I'm not! Oh Jimmy-wimmy can you pwease keep loading up deez dwuggie-wuggies for me? Heh, sure Barb. Whatever you say Sir... I've spent a week on this... I'm finishing it, one way, or another... Don't you dare! [80's style rock anthem begins] Ooooo! You got the power Waoooooh Ooooo! You got the power Barbie: Come on Blitzo, Havn't you fucked my life up enough already? [Song] YEAH! A tale as old as Rock and Roll When you win, you're the best You work until you reach the goal from within That't the test! Woah woah! You fight until you reach the top To rub it in their face! Woah! Woah! You love so hard your flesh explodes! And you win the fuckin race! Ooooo You got the power [Girl screams] Oooooo You got the power A heat so hot it burns your hole like a fire when you pee The inner flame inside your soul makes you cry - VICTORY! You flex your cheeks until it hurts You bust out of your jeans! Woah! Woah! You blow your load on all your foes! And drown out all their screams! Oooooo You got the power Waoh! Ooooooo You got the power Waoh! SATAN FUCKING DAMNIT!!! Thanks a lot Blitzo, I'm out of a job! FUCK! Barb wait! I want help you- Let me help you. Please? You're clean now right- let's... grab dinner, we'll catch up, and we'll talk about- Hehahaha You don't fucking GET IT! Just cause I'm outta rehab doesnt mean I wanna see you I NEVER wanna see you EVER! Next time you want to find me Blitzo- DON'T! [Crowd cheering] Looks like you did it No... You did it. I'm so proud of you Millie And I'm sorry I let you down Just don't do it again dummy [Crowd goes silent] [Noises of two lovesick imps about to raw dog begin] [ Like it's so graphic] [There goes the tube top] [Exhibitionism activated] Internet sensation and local celebrity Millerd Realboy caught incesting tonight! Showcasing a sickening display onlookers deemed: Too disturbing to look away... and we wont. Gonna be honest Moxxie- Not too bad for your first solo mission (Gasps) Reeeeeally siiiir? Nooo, no not really. You're a fucking disgrace
