Hasan Reflects On His Thirst Tweets Video | Deep Cuts | Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj | Netflix

“If you could get rid of any US state, which one would it be and why?” Alright. For me, honestly, everybody says Florida. I think it’s Delaware. - (No!) - But– What is that– Do you know anything about Delaware? I know two things about Delaware: that’s where people incorporate– - Are you from Delaware? - (I went to school there!) Okay, what’s going on in Delaware? (Really just a school.) Okay. All I know is two things about Delaware: Joe Biden is from there and that’s where everybody incorporates. (And Joe Flacco.) Joe who? (Flacco.) - You’re talking about the quarterback? - [Nods head yes] Okay. What’s going on over there? I don’t even know if it’s real. “What is the craziest story that you’ve heard of brown kids sneaking out of the house?” This is from Samar. (This is me.) - Yeah? - (Samar.) - Samar? - (Yeah.) Yeah. What’s the craziest story you’ve heard? I mean you’ve heard my story, I told it. - That was a special. - (Um, most of my friends–) (Like, their parents have like, GPS trackers like, on their phones.) - GPS trackers on their phones? Oh, right. - (Yeah.) Cell phones, you can just track people’s locations. - Damn, that’s a game changer. - (Yeah.) ‘Cause it was different. I had– we had like, landlines and Nokia bricks. Wow. So, so they– y’know, like, you can’t even hide anything from your parents anymore. (No. They just like, leave their phones at their dorms and then they just go off campus.) - Oh, they leave their phones at their dorms. - (They leave their phones at their dorms, yeah.) That’s so sad. You know the fact that when you said that sentence, you’re like, “They leave their phones at their dorms,” everyone’s like, “Wait, they’re still tracking them in college?” Um, all I know is that when I was growing up, you had to be really good at parkour. Like, to get in and out of the house, you had to like, learn how to like, hop from tree to tree and like, backflip out from windows and– yeah. Does anyone have a crazier story than that? That’s, I mean– that’s a pretty practical story. Anyone have a crazy sneaking out story? - What’s your crazy story? - (I have a hack for that, though.) - You have a hack for the phone thing? - (I do.) (You get your old iPhone and you put your tracking on that and leave that at home) (and take your phone with you.) This is scaring me. This is like– Oh no. I’m a parent now. “What’s one piece of advice you would give to people in their 20s?” You know what? I would say travel. That was one of the best pieces of advice I got. And Beena’s the one who made me travel. Uh, I very much have like, my dad-like tendencies where I could just be in the living room, watching stuff on TV, and just let the day go by, but traveling’s the best. And I think the fact that you can do it in your 20s, um, you can move quickly, and you know– Did I say that right? No, but like, you’re not tied down by a lot of other things. (Moms?) - You know what I mean? - (Moms?) - (Moms.) - Not moms. Come on, dude. I mean moms is one thing, but I’m talking about like even when we have to go travel, there’s just the fuckin’ stroller and there’s– I feel like I’m doing an Iron Man. I’m just like dragging shit, like, I’m just like why does this feel like CrossFit just to get through LaGuardia? This is insanity. Also, your standard isn’t that high. Like you can just be like, “Aw, cool. I’ll– LaQuinta Inn.” “A LaQuinta Inn in Thailand. Great!” “Youth Hostel. That’s fine. I’ll get head lice, it’s $20 a night.” (Why do you hate on Allbirds?) Why do I hate on Allbirds? (Yes. They’re very comfortable.) Come on, dude. You really want me to answer that? They look– (Yeah.) Do you work for Allbirds? - (No.) - Oh, okay. So then we can have an - honest conversation. - (Yeah, please.) Okay, they look– honestly, they look like papier-mâché for your feet. They look really bad. Comfort aside. They’re just hideous. They’re like Toms shoes, but worse. They look really bad, dude. They look really, really, really bad. I’ve tried them on. Trust me. Yes. (He can’t get me to do it either.) - (She’s a sneakerhead.) - (I don’t fuck with the Allbirds.) (She’s a sneakerhead, so.) And– You’re a sneakerhead and you’re cool with him wearing Allbirds? This is– Look at, yeah. It’s amazing. You’re wearing Air Max’s and you’re cool with him wearing these– (He didn’t wear them tonight on purpose.) - Okay. Don’t do that man. - (He knew you would not like it.) You know why you couldn’t wear them tonight? They fucking dissolve because they’re just made of– they’re made of like, wool. It’s like wearing this on your foot. It’s– It makes no sense. And people are like, “Oh, they’re really comf–.“ Yeah, so are Crocs but just don’t wear them publicly. I love Crocs but I wear them around my house and in hospitals. That’s– that’s what I’m saying. - (What’s your all time favorite sneaker?) - All time favorite sneaker? - (Yeah.) - All time? Well for me, it’s a little bit of like, the stuff that I couldn’t have when I was a kid. So, Air Jordan 11, the patent leather, and the Air Jordan 1. I just feel like it’s the best looking shoe. Those are my two. 1’s and 11’s. What’s your all time favorite shoe? (Air Max’s.) Air Max’s are great. Mine’s the Air Max- The first Air Max. That’s one of my favorite Air Max’s. (That’s what I wore for our wedding.) - You wore to your wedding? - (Aww!) That’s beautiful. Damn, you’re making me tear up. I wanted to wear, um– I wanted to wear Air Jordan 11’s with my tuxedo and Beena was like, “If you do that, I’ll file for divorce.” “You’re not wearing sneakers to the wedding.” Yeah. (Well, that’s how I feel about him with Allbirds.) - (So, there you have it) - I know. Oh, no! Don’t do that, don’t do that. Love is conditional. Love is conditional. Unconditional, I’m sorry. “What’s your favorite Disney movie and why?” This is from Amina. Um, I think the better question is: What’s your favorite Disney Channel original movie? - (Yeah.) - (Whoo!) That’s the real question. I would say Luck of the Irish. It’s a great Disney Channel original movie! (Hey, that’s my favorite movie.) - It’s your favorite movie? - (Yeah, I TiVo that shit.) Yeah. Do you think it still holds? Like if we watched it now, would we be like– - (Yeah.) - (That’s what I said, I was like,) - (”It might ruin it completely.”) - (You got Disney+?) - Do I got Disney+? - (Dude!) Dude, don’t bring that shit into– I’m joking, I’m joking, I’m joking, I’m joking. I don’t– I don’t have Disney+, I– Why would I ever have Disney+? When it comes to streaming content, there’s only one place that can provide you the most original content and licensed content at $14.99 a month. That’s Netflix. You can share it with 6-plus family members and it provides you entertainment options for everyone. It’s got everything, though. That movie’s got everything. It’s got basketball, frosted tips, leprechauns. “How do you think your daughter will react if she comes across the Thirst Tweets video?” “When I was around 10, my uncle and I were going through some of my Dad’s old things in India and we found a bunch of love letters a couple of girls had written my dad in high school. I was so upset, I refused to read them.” “Ha ha. And now I low-key wish I had.” This is from Aarti. Where’s Aarti at? Is Aarti here? (Right here.) You’re here? That’s you? (No, that’s her right here.) - You– - (That’s Aarti.) That’s you? You dug through his stuff? - (Yea, she did.) - (It was, um… yeah.) (But I can’t tell you much about it because I didn’t read it,) (but now I lowkey wish I had.) So you were like– Who told you these were love letters? You could tell? (Yeah, you could tell. It was like) - (It was disgusting.) - (kissing marks on the envelopes.) - There was kissing marks on the envelopes?! - (Yeah.) Damn. - (Five minutes, Hasan. Five.) - For ca– - Dude, this is getting juicy. - (Five.) (Come on, there was kissing marks) - (on the envelopes.) - Kissing marks on the envelopes. And what year is this? I mean we’re talking about like ‘70s, ‘80s? - (Yeah.) - Woaaa. ‘Cause you know in Bollywood we didn’t even kiss. Until like, 20…17. That’s crazy. You didn’t want to know? You just didn’t want to, like, imagine that? (Um, I just didn’t know if I could read it and not tell my mom about it.) - (Ooooh.) - You were gonna put your dad on blast?! That’s– okay. You’re a– You’re a good daughter. You’re like, “Mom, dad–” (On Thanksgiving.) “Dad is out here– Dad was fuckin’ around in 1982.” - You gonna do that? - (“We need to talk about this.” Yeah.) I thought you didn’t read it because you didn’t want to mess up the innocence - that you have towards your parents. - (No.) Like, for me, I– you know, we never see our parents hold hands or kiss. Like, in my mind, my parents have had sex twice. One for me and one for my sister. Like it was just pure transactional. Like it was– Now, it’s weird. Now, think about, for me, like, with my daughter, she’ll just go to iCloud and be like “August 11th, 2019. Cool.” (She’s looking at your DMs.) That’s gonna be weird. Nah, she’ll just like, see photos of like, just my day-to-day activities– It’s just a ton of photos of her. It’s just weird that our kids will be able to catalog literally everything about us, whereas with my parents I have like 6 photos of my dad when he was young. That’s it, it’s like: Bell bottoms Dad, Kindergarten Dad, Wedding Day Dad, Dad at my wedding– Like, this is the story of dad. Uh, I hope I delete the Thirst Tweets video by the time. I had no idea what a lot of those words were. Hasan makes my– Alright, we’re not gonna do this. (Do you know what that word is?) I don’t know, it says– do you know what this word is? (Yeah, I do.) “Hasan makes my bussy quiver?” (Uh, a man’s butt.) Um, but uh, I was very uncomfortable. I’m so glad that I can make, um, make your bussy quiver. “What was the best year of your life?” (This year.) Best year? What’d you say, this year? For me, I think it was 2nd grade. 2nd grade was great. I had a great teacher, Miss. Anderson, the 2nd and 3rd grade combo was great. I had a great Halloween outfit that year, I was Batman. And we bought it, it wasn’t made at home. That was great. 2nd grade was awesome. (It wasn’t the year your daughter was born?) Well, that’s different. Because that year was– had the best moments, but then it also had the most horrifying moments. So, yeah, the year my daughter was born was like, that was one of the best days of my life, but then there were also moments where I’m like, “This is horrifying.” “She’s shitting on me right now.” You know what I mean? It’s the highs and the lows. Whereas 2nd grade was just a nice– You know what I mean? It was like the S&P 500 over 40 years, just– It’s getting better! I didn’t think– it’s getting better. Worst year, 8th grade. Ugh, the worst. Puberty? God. Gross. Wow, those are all the questions. Dan, are we good? Eddie, I think we’re good. (Let’s do it!) You guys, thank you so much!

Channel: Netflix Is A Joke

Views: 1,274,552

Keywords: Netflix, Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj, Patriot Act, Hasan Minhaj, Netflix Original Series, Netflix Series, Streaming, Television, Television Online, Comedy, Featured, Comedian, Hasan Minhaj Comedy, Hasan Minhaj Stand up, Global News, Politics, Late Night Comedy, Late Night Talk, Indian American, jokes, talk show, latest episode, parkour, Homecoming King, Disney, Disney Channel Original, Thirst Tweets, Buzzfeed, Allbirds, Nike, Family, Fashion, Style, sexy, style, fasion, jordans, shoes

Id: 80y-SHHPhac

Length: 11min 4sec (664 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 16 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

Omg I needed that, i laughed soo hard while getting ready this morning. Thanks Hasan!!