âHow did you celebrate Eid al-Fitr? What
was the best iftar you had this Ramadan?â Is anyone â did anyone celebrate Eid today? â Yeah. There we go. Well, Eid Mubarak, you guys. Um, for those of you guysâ Thatâs good. For those of you guys who
donât know, Eid is like our Christmas. So, itâs fun, but, obviously
we donât get the day off and... Here we are. It was kind of whack.
Iâll be 100% honest. Like I went to â I went to the mosque
this morning, and then here I am, so... Yeah, it wasâ Yeah, how was your Eid?
Was it good? Yeah, you askedâ
I mean you asked theâ â You were like, âThatâs myââ Whereâd you â whereâd you go? You ate during the day? â Thatâs the best part. Where youâre just like, âWater!â Youâre like, âI can think
like a normal person.â Um, what was the best iftar you had? So, whatâs that? Like, what would that... â Okay. Whatâs the best iftar Iâve had? I was at work a lot, so it was pretty
depressing. It was, like, Seamless. Umâ Yeah, I wish I had a better answer. Uh, yeah, that was probably
the best iftar I had. Itâs really sadâ Okay, weâre gonna edit
this out, this is gettingâ This is, like, making me, like,
reassess my life. âIf you could rewind life back to a point in time
of your choice to relive those moments, what time of your life
would you choose?â Thatâs from Jay. Wow, is Jay here? Damn, Jay. Jayâs here? Is that you? Oh, I thought you were like,
âItâs over there.â Ah. Okay. What time would it be? My lifeâs pretty good right now. I like it
right now â itâs pretty â itâs pretty fun. Iâd wanna time travel, thatâd be dope. Yeah. Really? Is that why you
asked this question? Well, everybody says Ancient Greece was, like,
the â the peak moment of human civilization. Why are you guys laughing at that part? I would wanna see, like, alright, whatâs, like,
letâs see whatâs good. I would really... Peak moment of my life? Mmm, I would sayâ Do you guys remember, like,
in elementary school whenâ whenever thereâd be, like, holiday parties?
Thereâd be, like, a Halloween party? So, like, Miss Anderson would be like, âThereâs no class today, weâre
just doing a Halloween party,â and youâd be like, âAhhhh!â Or, like, um, or, like, remember the dayâ remember when they would, they wouldâ you would, like, come to school, because
you didnât know what was gonna happen, you would just go to school. And then, remember, like, when
it was, like, during wintertime, and theyâd be like, âToday weâre
just making gingerbread houses.â Yeah, thoseâ Like, that day was awesome. You know what Iâm talking about, right? You would make a gingerbread house
and you eat like half of it and then itâd just be in your house
and itâd just be stale. Itâd just be sitting there for, like,
three weeks and youâre like, âThis is just a half-eaten
gingerbread house.â Did I just experience that, or did we
all have gingerbread house day? You remember gingerbread house day? â Yeah. Yeah. That... I would do gingerbread
house day every day. Thatâs what I wish Eid â like,
I wish we had that for Eid. Iâve made this, like, commitment where
Iâm like, Iâve told, like, my wife, Iâm like, âWeâve gotta make Eid fun,
we gotta make it super cool.â But like, our holidays are not fun.
We have to figure something out. We need a dreidel, we need toys,
we need stuff. Weâ There has to be some sort of,
like, marketing thing around it. It canât just be, like, milk and dates. You know what I mean? We need
capitalism, we need toâ You know what I mean? We gotta make itâ
What do you think? What do we gotta do? We need a mascot. We need a Santa.
First thingâs first, we need a Saâ We need something. The moon? Ugh! Thatâs the thing, because we canât drawâ
Like, thereâs no drawings, right? Thereâs no statues, thereâs no drawings,
so it has to be our imagination. But you need... So, the moon would be a character. Then you all, likeâ [sigh] Iâm trying to think. Gingerbread mosque â
thatâd be weird. Like, how â we need a thing. Jennie, whatâd you do for Christmas?
Christmas must have been super poppinâ. I remember Christmas was so sad for me. Because you have â you have the holiday,
and then you, like, go to your neighborsâ and youâre like, âding dong,â
and like, Chris is like, âUhh, Iâm with my grandpa,
weâre opening presents.â So nobody, like, everythingâs closed
and nobody can come out and play. So, youâre just like, âAlright.â Yeah, you have to wait âtil, like, the 27th. Thereâs, like, a 72-hour delay. Itâs a bummer. Alright, so no Greece? What time â what period of time
would you go back to? Think about it. You can
go back any time. High school? What year of high school? What year
of high school was good? Junior year?! What?! You hear that, bro? Thereâs a mutiny.
Thereâs a full on mutiny. Dude itâsâ Sudan is happening right here,
right now to you. Theyâre about to topple you like Omar
al-Bashir. Theyâre like, âjunior year?!â What, were you not studying? No, youâre so wrong. Last two weeks
of senior year are probably the best. Nothing matters. I would say, I would say, best time
is second semester senior year, summer before you go to collegeâ The best time. So poppinâ. Youâre old enough to leave the house. Hopefully you have, like, some form of,
like, you know you can, like, you have some disposable income, right?
Like some â you know what I mean? You can now drive or leave with friends. Like, you think life is hard,
but itâs not hard at all. No expectations. Pff. I would go back and live those, like,
six months. Oh, my god. The best. Yeah. And there was no Netflix during that window
of my, like, do you know what I mean? I wouldâve just, like, can you imagine
being second semester senior year now? Just plug into the Matrix
and watch everything. Youâre a second semester senior? What a time to be alive. Is it â whatâs uhh â what are
you doing during this time? Youâre here on a Tuesday. Thatâs amazing. How did you guys get in?
Itâs supposed to be eighteen and over, right? You guys are eighteen, too?
You guys are, like, invincible. Thereâs nothing that can stop you. Oh, my god. Thatâs amazing. What are you guys doing after this? Youâre going back â what do you mean
youâre going back to school? I know, but what are you doing after this?
Iâm not gonna hang out with you guys, Iâm saying whatâ What things â what fills,
like what fills yourâ Can I tell you what I used to do? Seventh period Iâd get out of calculus AB,
Iâd get home â Iâd take my â91 Nissan Stanza â get home, open the door,
no oneâs at home, I would take a fucking nap! I would nap from 3:30 to 6:30. Insanity. Get upâ I would go work at Office Max...
because I had a job at Office Max. I would not do homework because nothing mattered. Yeah, And then I would, next day... Yeah. Tomorrow is cut day? Both days are cut day. Thatâs awesome. Do you guys like adulthood? Really? Do you know thereâs some moments in
adulthood thatâs really cool, though? Say what? Not turning 21. Like, okay so, ehh, I mean,
I didnât drink, so it wasnât like, when people are like, â21!,â
it wasnât, like, a thing. But, um, I remember, like, uh,
me and â me and Beena, we went to the movie theaters
the other... the other day. We went to go see Aladdin
because you just have to. And, you know what I mean?
Theyâre like, âYouâre going, right?â And, uh, we went to go see Aladdin,
and then I was like, âHey, do you â do you wanna
get popcorn?â And she was like, âYeah.â And Iâm like, âI have, likeâ
I can just buy popcorn.â Like, my momâs not gonna stop me. Like no oneâs gonna be like,
âThat was eight dollars.â Youâre not bringing popâ I didnât have
to, like, sneak anything in. And it was crazy, it was like,
âYeah, letâs get popcorn.â it was badass. I donât know! I donât know if you guys
understand what Iâm saying. It was like a real â it was a moment. Registered trademark. it was a fuckinâ momentâ˘. I was like, âweâre doinâ this.â And like, oh, man...it was crazy. I knew
I was being ripped off, like, all of it. It was great. I was an adult,
I could just do it. Whatâs another cool adult thing? Ohâ We were, like, we were â the other day
we were, like, walking. And... you know how adults do. No, but we were, like, um, we were, like,
holding hands and I saw â like, an older, like, auntie and uncle that were â
they were walking past us. So we dropped hands. Dude, weâre married and
we dropped hands! Weâre like this, weâre like,
âdoo doo doo...â Yeah, it was over by, um, over
by Lincoln Center, yeah. Weâre like, âWhat if they tell on us?â âWhat if they know our parents?â And then I was like, âI can hold your
hand in public. Weâre adults.â You still gotta hide it, right? Huh? Maybe? Yeah, you definitely
have to hide it. I mean, this is gonna be on YouTube,
but you definitelyâ Sorry, bro. Sorry, dog. Alright. âWhat is the biggest lie
youâve told your parents?â What is the biggest lie
youâve told your parents? That youâre at school? âHow do you feel about that many Indian
kids winning the spelling bee this year?â It was six boys and two girls,
did you know that? Theyâre called the âOctochamps.â So weird. Okay, you guys â you guys wanna â
can I quiz you on the words? Alright, here we go. Alright, here, spell it. This is
one of the winning words: Auslaut. â Are you Indian? â You have to spell it. Yeah. Just do â spell it. No. Auslaut. Starts with an A. Iâm gonna give
you that â starts with an A. A-S? No! Okay, okay. A-U... Yes. Yes. Close. I take that asâ You got it. Yeah, you got it. You got it. This is insane. Erysipelas? You knew that? How? What is it? What is it?
What is erysipelas? Okay, fine. You do this next one. Bougainvillea. Iâm not lying, look. Here, look. Here. Spell it. Go, go, go. But, when you look at it, youâre like, âOf course, bougainvillea.â When you look at it, youâre totally â
youâre like, âOh, that totallyââ Iâm showing it to you as
if you could see it. Oh, âDid your family ever follow any
weird superstitions growing up?â Okay. Okay, did you guys, uh, did you guysâ Did your parents tell you guys, like â every
culture has this, like, um, like, ghost stories? Like Jinn stories? We call them Jinn. They ever tell you like those crazy,
like, ghost stories? Whatâd you guys call them? Whatâs it called? Oh. Yeah, yeah, but is it like, itâs like
a ghost or itâs like an actualâ Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, and then, like, do you â do you,
for real, kinda, believe it? Like, like, they would tell me these weird
stories that were, like, uh â it would be likeâ Uh, okay, so, âDonât go to the woods,
and fall asleep underneath trees. âCause Jinn will come out.â Yeah, right? What does that mean? What is it? What is it? Yeah, at night. Donât go into the woods, underneath
trees, and fall asleep. What is that? And, and, and then I talk, like, I would
talk it through with my friends, and Iâm like, âMaybe what it is,
is trees emit â donât they emitââ â Carbon dioxide? Yes! So, I was trying to justify it in my mind.
Thatâs how they got people to be like, âDonât do that at night because trees
will, like, if youâre in the woods, theyâll emit large amounts of carbon dioxide
and it could poison you.â Right? Thatâs the way Iâm trying to reason something
that scared the shit out of me. But, do you kinda believe it, though? Because sometimes Iâd, like, ask my grandâ
I would ask my grandparents. Iâd be like, âIs that real?â
And theyâd be like, âYeah.â At night? No, no, no, but, at night donât they â look this
up, thereâs something that happens at... This isnât part of the Sudan episode,
so I donât have to be right. I can speak purely in hyperbole. Yeah. Do you believe in ghosts?
Do you believe in ghosts? My thing isâ is like, donât â
I would never test it. Do you know what I mean? When people
are like, âDo you really believe that?â And Iâm like, âIâm just not gonna test it.â Like at sleepovers, thereâdâ Did you ever have those friends
that are just like, âOh, weâll go in the bathroom and
scream âBloody Maryâ three times.â Iâm like, âWhat is wrong with you?â Brianâs like, âLetâs do it.â Iâm like,
âDude. Brian, Iâm trying to live, man.â Thatâs my thing. I donât know, but Iâm just
not gonna, like â Iâm just not gonna press it. Casper? Bro, thatâs not real. I donât know, man. By definition,
ghosts are kinda spooky, they, like, they pop up out of nowhere,
they donât respect your personal space, like... Iâm super profiling ghosts. Iâm super ghost-phobic, like, Iâll put it on the
record, I know itâs problematic, but like, Iâm notâ Iâm not trying â no! Thatâs like, no. Would you give ghosts a chance? Would you give the coconut
man a chance? No! Assume that itâs real.
Would you give the coconutâ Sheâs not gonna be pregnant. Thatâs not how it works.
Thatâs not how it works! Bro! Youâre descriâ What are
you talking about? Dude, you had me.
You so had me up until the end. I donât think you know how
pregnancy works, dog.
Deep
Our Eid is fun. We give money packs too, and we eat our traditional foods, we wear really nice clothing and there's of course capitalism involve.