Harsh Truths About Relationships You Need To Accept - AskReddit

even in the happiest of relationships you will still develop crushes on other people what are some hard truths about relationships they aren't going to magically know you're upset with them they aren't going to read your passive aggressive signs they aren't going to pick up on that be direct if you are upset talk to your partner about it not your friends not your parents not strangers on the internet your partner some people can read your emotions like a book however and if they ask what is wrong tell them they already know you're upset i hate dealing with a bad mood and not being able to help because i don't know what's wrong at a certain point you have to accept some particular negative parts of your partner's personality or move on my husband is almost 50. we've been married for over 20 years while he will continue to experience personal growth there are parts of his personality that are likely to not ever change the same is true for myself of course you either accept it without grudge or if it's something you can't be flexible with you move on people who think they can fix things about their partner are doomed to be in a constant state of disappointment over the course of 10 years the person you fell in love with could transform into someone you'd never have gone on a second date with had they been that way when you met or you yourself could transform into someone that wouldn't have fallen for the person you are in a relationship with had you been that way when you met your needs and wants can also change with time even if the other person stays close to who they were initially doesn't mean you have to stick it out with them sometimes people just grow apart and it's for the better to call it quits life's too short to set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm that even in the happiest of relationships you will still develop crushes on other people it's normal it doesn't mean that your relationship is over or even in trouble it's just a fantasy crush is come and go the problems come when you act on those fantasies the idea that you will never find anyone else attractive if you are in a relationship is really counterintuitive it can mean that when people get crushes they start to question the validity of their relationship and those kind of doubts will kill love far faster than a harmless crush that will quickly fizzle out ever will there's a very high chance that you're not aurora's first choice and that there's a better than 50 chance that she or he will leave you when she or he finds that choice humans do something called pair bonding once we find a suitable mate we often develop a strong emotional bond and we stay with that mate many people stay with their mate indefinitely since in evolutionary terms it gives them easy access to reproduction rather than having to find and attract a mate each time they get horny and it means they have access to more resources because there are two people collecting them on the other hand many people do leave their mate to find another sacrificing the security of having a long-term mate for the potential of better genetic variation in their offspring and or finding a better quality partner still others will have affairs retaining the advantages of being in a pair whilst still being able to seek genetic variation as long as they aren't caught humans are mammals and like all mammals they have their own unique behavioral strategies when it comes to mating once you get beyond the initial lust and heart fluttery part of a romantic relationship you begin to realize that love looks a lot different than the rom-com movies it's not embracing in the pouring rain kissing under the eiffel tower trying to board the plane to convince them not to go it's handing them a box of cheez-its when they get home from a 12-hour shift and are too exhausted to move it's driving them to the airport at 3am for their dream job interview it's managing their prescriptions when they get too sick to do it themselves relationships are often unglamorous and while a committed relationship can be very rewarding there's more to it than you and your hot partner canoodling and going on trips for the rest of your lives relationships can take a lot of work some of it that you will never see coming in the early days people keep changing as their life goes on and there are no guarantees that you and your partner will change in compatible ways someone can be your soul mate today but in a year the person they have become may not be the sole mid of the person you've become while you shouldn't simply give up on a relationship the moment you hit a rough batch you also shouldn't let a happy past keep you in a miserable present you can have a great relationship for many years but both members can change over time into people who no longer work well together as a couple that doesn't negate the good years not all divorced couples hate each other my grandparents divorced years before i was born but remained great friends until they passed away at the point when the power dynamic in the relationship is clear and not in your favor you have a tough choice to make it's best to avoid thinking too much about this but there will be significant imbalances in power at certain points you won't feel the exact same way about each other at all times and if you pay specific attention you can really notice it at times like after someone makes a big mistake again you really shouldn't think about it too much or it will destroy you regardless of which side of it you're on but it's good to generally be aware that feelings fluctuate and that sometimes the future of the relationship will rely on the person who holds the advantage it's inevitable and all the more reason not to significantly break trust or otherwise do something that'll leave a lasting sour taste in your partner's mouth if you date someone with the idea that you are going to fix them don't break up now because if you're out to change his harmless hobbies or he would be such a good dad yes or she doesn't think she wants kids but she'd make a good mom or if he would just settle down with me he would have a good life don't do it you are not supposed to fix someone else they are not broken and if they are a little broken it's their job to fix themselves not yours they are the only ones that can fix them biological women are hardwired to desire mates who would provide safety and security for potential offspring women pass their peak of childbearing age desire younger and more physically attractive mates biological men regardless of age are hardwired to seek out younger and more attractive mates because their brains equate beauty to superior genes and potential progeny where this gets really interesting is in same-sex relationships when two women are mated to each other one invariably takes on the role of the protector of the nest even if there aren't any children in cases where two men are mated it is all but guaranteed that one or both partners will stray because the male brain doesn't do well taking on a caretaker role in a household when there aren't any children in cases where gay couples do have children one male will invariably take on the role of caretaker these things really enforce the complexity of relationships and families and the importance of how millions of years of evolution have evolved our brains to act and react to various situations regardless of gender or sexual orientation lots of people are actually looking for contradictions in relationships as bo burnham put it you want someone insanely hot but not someone obsessed with their looks you want someone sensitive but not weak a lot of people want someone who won't use them for anything but who they can use themselves to fulfill their own needs or desires i think the worst part of growing up for me has been the utter realization that lots of people want to use who they can to fit their own ends it's not exactly always malicious just practical you grow more sensible as you age and so you're less willing to tolerate relationships of any kind where you don't derive some sort of benefit the result for me has been that i'm less trusting and more guarded which only hinders finding genuine connections in love or friendship losing your identity within a relationship is easy to do finding it again isn't remember to keep your friends and hobbies after my last relationship ended i felt guilty for not hurting i was kind of happy back in my garage working on cars with my friends took a few road trips my phone was quiet it was cool keeping your friends and hobbies is also good for the health of the relationship not just in case it fails it puts less pressure on the relationship to entertain and keep you happy gives you space a broader focus and interesting things to talk about it also helps you be you who is the person your partner fell for in the first place sometimes things don't work even if both parties are objectively wonderful people even if they love each other and enjoy their lives together sometimes things just get in the way and force you to make a hard choice people just have very different ideas of what they want or where they want to be in life loving where you're at with a partner at the moment and being happy in the same situation job location other major lifestyle factor forever are two very different things and if what you each one is mutually exclusive it's often best for both of you to split and find someone whose desires are more compatible with yours instead of growing to resent your partner for your unhappiness or vice versa it could be any number of things one wants kids and the other doesn't each have jobs or plan to have jobs that aren't compatible with the type of lifestyle you want to have together one dreams of moving to the country and homesteading but the other needs a busy city to be happy cat owners see love for what it is dog owners see love for what it should be love is like a cat a cat the emotion love shows interest in you you approach carefully not wanting to get hurt you test the waters see if it's interested in you see if it's the one if you approach too quickly it will bite if you ignore it it's gone a cat cannot be controlled but it can be nurtured cared for and kept around it can also disappear inexplicably just like the emotions for another person dogs however are unconditionally loyal which is unlike love but is how we'd like it to be eventually love is not being crazy in love all the time people not realizing this is a huge cause for divorce i believe after the first year or two things settle down and become normal that's okay a deeper love will form but it's not going to be the crazy passionate puppy dog love it was at first things evolve and change relationships are always dopaminergic at the start that's to say it feels like a drug whenever you see or think about your partner that high inevitably fades for every couple and the long-term relationships survive on much more mellow h m molecules in your brain which is more of a loving for your partner being there for you you can meet the perfect person but if it's not the right time it's not going to work the more time you spend crushing on someone the less likely you will get to know them your brain will fill in the gaps with your fantasies and they will not live up to your dreams you will both change it will not be the same forever learn to adapt your relationship at some point one of you will have to sacrifice your job for the other is it worth it to you kids make it harder not easier you cannot cannot cannot change them if you need a project get a hobby the right person may be someone you would never expect don't make choices based on your prejudices it's not going to be perfect deal with it and the only rules that matter are the rules you both agree to you're not entitled to anything from someone you can confront the behavior you can ask at the end of the day it's up to that person to choose to see your side or not for whatever reason they might not and no amount of trying to convince them is going to make someone become the kind of person who for instance understands the value of reciprocity to those ends trust what people do over what they say people's actions really do speak far more than their words ever will or can too often we pull our hair out having the same conversation over and over when the behavior is telling you they don't care it hurts when you love someone but sometimes you gotta love yourself more relationships are not things that happen to you they are choices you make and they are full of choices that you are choosing to make all along the way you choose to be in a relationship with someone you can choose not to be in a relationship with someone even if you are attracted to them or even are in love with them you have the individual responsibility of choosing to have romantic interactions with someone who is a good person for you and furthermore the responsibility to yourself not to gaslight yourself into a bad relationship because you think you need to be with someone i have a list a mile long of people who told me they had their soulmate and justified all kinds of crazy because it was meant to be just to get divorced later in a particularly ugly fashion you choose every day to stay in a relationship with a person you aren't a leaf on the stream of life with things bouncing you around you are a person making choices every single day there are a lot of struggles that come with a relationship but i think the hardest pill to swallow above all is that the person you are with is probably not your perfect match or soul mate in that regard even if you are madly in love with the person you are with love your life together and have no reservations about your relationship someone out there is likely a better match for you than the person you are presently with purely from a statistical standpoint have some people found their perfect match undoubtedly yes but most of us will spend the rest of our life with the best match we've met so far given our life circumstances in cells and lonely folk who are unlovable you're not unlovable because of genetics or societal beauty constructs you don't get any action because you put in no effort take a shower brush your teeth invest in some clean and well-fitting clothes get a crisp haircut and actually talk to women don't bemoan your poor relationship less life all the time and take action people don't change because you love them or want them to it is a two-way communication and consideration if it's one-sided then something is wrong it's not all about you cupcake you will both tour of habits that the other person doesn't like for it to work there may be a need to compromise you could get your own way perhaps but it can do harm to the relationship some people come with mental baggage you probably do too so don't be too unkind about it not all of them are meant to work or last don't do anything that stops you walking away if you aren't happy deep down some couples seem to get together through meeting drinking and overall only finding each other physically attractive have kids then just stay do you want to spend the rest of your life arguing over nothing enduring jealousy or comforting insecurities if they are bad now they'll be bad still in 10 or 20 years time thanks for listening to radio tts hit the subscribe button and activate the notification bell to find your soul mate click the right box for the dating advice playlist let us know in the comments what you think about these statements

Channel: Radio TTS

Views: 108,627

Rating: 4.9614592 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, reddit stories, best of reddit, askreddit, reddit story, ask reddit, reddit cringe, askreddit funny, reddit funny, r/askreddit, top posts, reddit best, r/, reddit top posts, askreddit top posts, reddit top post, radio tts truth about love, the darkest truth about love, truth about relationships, sad truth about relationships, harsh truth about love, harsh truth about relationships, truth about love and relationships, Brutal truth about relationships

Id: EjOo3j2DLAE

Length: 14min 57sec (897 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 12 2021