Psychologists Explain Things About Human Behavior Everyone Should Know - AskReddit

if somebody is irrationally angry it's likely they are afraid of something psychologists what are some things more people should know about human behavior people aren't attracted by what's right they are attracted by what's familiar if you think you have a poop magnet look at your parents you need to define the behaviors and ideas that cause you problems then find the actual roots and work on understanding accepting and rewiring your brain for example assume a woman that had an emotionally distant father that never gave praise and was never satisfied with anything he would get into angry bouts with his wife for not making the food exactly as he wanted etc etc now that woman has a very good chance of hating that type of behavior but at the same time be attracted by people like that she needs with therapy to talk away all the childhood experiences relate them to how she behaves in relationships now and possibly start to identify and avoid people like that it's not easy it takes time and has a lot of setbacks you literally have to learn new skills so essentially it's like learning a new language initially you're hopeless but with tutoring and news you'll get better and better at it psychopathy not a psychologist but i'm closely associated with them and well experienced with psychopaths hiya 1 percenters they are not maddened serial killers like the movies would suggest but rather are people who lack empathy you hold no more significance than any other object to a psychopath that doesn't mean they won't like you as an object or will do you wrong they can hurt you without regret and will do so if and when it is to their advantage or amusement it isn't that they don't care about people it is that to them they are the only person my friend is a therapist and was explaining how the anniversary effect or anniversary reaction works it's usually being reminded of an unpleasant event on the anniversary of the event it doesn't have to be the same day it could be seasonal the mind codes the trauma somehow and the trauma will be activated during that period of time for instance we have a friend who was mistreated by her father every fall while she played soccer as a child the father would physically mentally or emotionally abuse her if she didn't play well in her soccer game she gets uneasy around this time of year end of august beginning of september because this is when her soccer season would start many people don't think that what you say around children doesn't affect them if they're not old enough children absorb a lot it doesn't matter if they're seven or whatever they'll pick up after you they'll notice anything that's going on even if they can't tell you so a lot of adults will not comprehend why they have such feelings until they delve into their past and realize the environment they grew up in trauma bonding if a partner causes you a trauma hits you blurs consent lines screams at you cheats and you don't talk to anyone else but stay in the room long enough to calm down or allow them to comfort you you will remember the kindness and support while your defense mechanisms will detach you from the trauma that's one reason why people stay in abusive relationships they feel like the abuser has been the only one there for them through trauma and that supersedes their feelings about the abuse or being the person who traumatized them this strengthens your attachment to a toxic person and makes separation from them its own little trauma also the more often the trauma comfort cycle repeats the stronger the bond and the more traumatizing the separation just because someone comforts you after they've done something wrong doesn't mean you'll trauma bond to them it's whether or not they accept your reaction or force you to stay that matters the spotlight effect basically we all think that people pay way more attention to us than they really do and we think that the spotlight is on us in social situations more than it really is if you do something embarrassing and you think oh my god everyone saw that it's likely that nobody saw that and you're fine everybody does this and it applies to more situations most people know this but i'm surprised how many don't so ptsd is not something that you get from being in a war or in the military it can come from any trauma that you endure natural disaster emotional abuse bullying etc also only 25 of people in high stress situations will develop it examples of things that can cause ptsd childbirth ongoing medical care caring for the sick car accidents witnessing domestic violence serving time in prison also it doesn't have to be just one occurrence a kid watching his mother get beaten every few months by his dead could lead to it it doesn't even have to happen to you it can be something you witness or heard secondhand or even something that you think happened but didn't as in the rare cases of false memories people need and want to be validated don't suggest what they should do unless asked if you just validate emotion i can understand why you are angry because x they will move through the emotion much faster than if they don't feel hurt validation doesn't equal agreement it means i hear you that a lack of bonding and attachment in infancy and childhood especially before age three due to neglect etc changes the way the brain develops and can be labeled as disorders that present in behaviors such as having no boundaries or discrimination of who the child interacts with aggression inability to emote or empathize with others hyperactivity etc bonding and love are essential to human development and when that's absent it can be observed in very young children and in adults if one knows what to look for especially true when there is horrific abuse in place of bonding behaviors picking up and holding a baby speaking softly to it and spending time physically and verbally creating a connection this can also inhibit memory recall and intellectual functioning also can occur when there is forced and traumatic separation of positive caregivers suddenly think american immigration right now that alone can be causing irreversible harm to generations of families because the brain of human beings is wired to bond and be with others the attachment style of a child can be reliably predicted by the primary caregiver's attachment style children's pro-social behaviors such as choosing appropriate playmates task persistence gratification delay and help seeking can be predicted by parents resolving their conflicts fairly corporal punishment is never necessary and may cause serious psychological harm respecting children's feelings helps them develop emotional health people who have been traumatized show some characteristic symptoms hypersensitivity reactivity emotional numbing dissociation social withdrawal traumatized people benefit from trauma-informed care something i've discovered as a nurse during my time in the nicu if someone is upset either angry sad worried whatever telling them it's okay to feel that way calms them down way more than anything else you can say validate their feelings don't try to tell them how it could be worse never use the phrase at least followed by anything tell them it's okay to feel whatever they're feeling if i had to summarize the three most common things i teach my clients they are simple but have maximum impact learn to calm your body down this is best done by breathing deeply and slowly for a couple of minutes use this when you are stressed angry upset but practice it liberally at other times it will help you think more clearly lower your blood pressure and lead to a raft of other health benefits when done regularly exercise regularly this means 30 minutes a day of whatever you can manage whether that is gym running walking or yoga there is masses of scientific evidence backing exercise as medicine and is particularly useful for depression and other mental health conditions your brain is simply another organ that needs looking after so that it can serve you the best it can a healthy variety of whole foods and prioritizing healthy sleep habits also go a long way be kinder to yourself this is easier said than done but cultivating healthy and compassionate self-talk will help build resilience over time which in turn will help us cope better in times of pain and suffering if this is particularly difficult for you start by imagining what a loved one or even a caring made-up friend would say to you chances are it is warm soothing and kind we could all do with being less hard on ourselves we are all just people and we are all always learning everyone is doing the best they possibly can do in each moment be patient not either but i am studying social work and work in the field so it's not far off the one thing i recommend is that it's impossible to put anybody in a box especially in situations where someone's mental health is fragile there's signs and symptoms that are common of course but nobody's illness presents the same nobody grieves in the same way nobody's coping mechanisms are the same therefore you have to approach everyone with the understanding that they are an individual as mental health professionals it's important for us to distinguish between when someone's disease course grief or coping is different but ultimately harmless and when it's not nobody has the right to tell you how to feel emotions are incredibly complex your emotional reaction to an event is just as valid as the next person's you are allowed to not necessarily feel sad that your aunt died or whatever you are also allowed to feel a wide range of emotions to an event you can be happy sad afraid pissed off and confused all at once and that's perfectly valid granted depending on the cultural norms how you express these emotions can be problematic but your emotions you feel are yours and nobody has a right to ever tell you what you should feel in any given situation therapy isn't something done to you there seems to be this mistaken belief that if you show up the therapist just says some magic words you have a breakthrough and you don't really have to work for it i keep hearing from people who say i went to therapy once and it didn't do anything therapy is work you do yourself and the therapist is a sort of consultant along the way and it's not instant it's easier to feel anger than fear if somebody is irrationally angry it's likely they are afraid of something and it's likely they aren't aware of the difference also the stages of grief are an accurate description of what happens after a loss but what a lot of people don't know is that you can bounce between them any number of times before you get to acceptance you can get stuck in one or skip one entirely everybody handles it differently my wife is a psychiatrist and while she doesn't have any insights into human behavior she does complain that modern diagnostic techniques for certain medical conditions that happen to present as atypical behavior has made it easier to treat with modern pharmacology she also wishes people would get over the idea that people are over-medicated they are not if a person has been prescribed a medication by a psychiatrist that person most likely needs that medication sure there are a lot more people being diagnosed with certain conditions than there used to be and yes there are more medications being prescribed than there used to be but that isn't because of a vast pharmacological conspiracy to drug everyone it is because diagnostic techniques are better and pharmacology has improved [Music] i'm a clinical therapist and school social worker for children with special needs when it comes to kids we must remember that we cannot expect anything out of children that we have not taught them we expect so much from kids it's borderline ridiculous adults can't even live up to what we expect out of children other tips kids see and attempt to process more than you think they do talk to them they are capable of understanding a lot more than we assume they can when they're upset get on their level standing over them causes an automatic neurological reaction to a perceived threat accept and model that it is okay to feel angry sad frustrated etc teach and model appropriate coping strategies instead of getting upset about undesired or unexpected behaviors try to identify the function or reason behind that behavior then teach the kid a replacement behavior that serves the same purpose i personally find that most behaviors are communicative children are pretty incredible take advantage of their curious minds so if i picked up one thing from working with families it's the knowledge that we assume we know way more about other people than we actually do it's totally normal to project motives onto other people and to imagine their internal emotional state but as humans were actually pretty inaccurate at doing both while we can do a bit better with those we know well or are close with this is outstripped by our overconfidence and our perceptive ability with these individuals basically when it comes to family and friends we tend to be pretty sure we know how to read their affect or behavior even though we're pretty bad at doing so what this means is that no matter how long you've known someone open communication is going to be important that little bit of vulnerability is going to go a long way in making sure others know how you're feeling so that they can meet your needs similarly directly asking people what they're experiencing as opposed to gassing can sometimes help you to figure out the best course of action i can't begin to count how many times i sat down with families only for them to realize they had all made mistake and assumptions about what the other members were thinking and feeling the dangers of social media as it relates to the incessant need for validation likes upvotes comments follows etc the inability for most current first world humans to just live in a moment of being bored we've rewired our brains to reach for the phone or jump on the instant dopamine shot train the second we aren't entertained just look down the sidewalk at the three quarters of people buried in their phones or the complete lack of focus in a line at a coffee shop i believe it's important to purge the need for social media and get out in the world to make real human interaction simply deleting a few commonly visited sites like reddit facebook and instagram for a week or so can be a great way to break the habit and make you just a little more present in the day-to-day world social psychologist here as a human being you tend to explain other people's behavior through something related to their character or personality and explain your own behavior by situational factors for example that person driving like crazy is an a-hole versus so yikes i'm late to my appointment sorry folks i'm in a rush if you recognize your tendency to do this and make an effort to stop it you'll be a happier person humans will always rate now with higher priority than later which is responsible for example for smoking even if you know that it will cause damage to your health but the urgent feeling to have a cigarette right now is higher prioritized than a maybe later appearing illness mortality salience if you're consciously or not reminded that you're going to die one day before making a decision you're more likely to pick the option that will grant you greater well-being for example when salient made aware of your mortality you're more likely to donate to charity make large purchases make the most of an activity judges are more likely to convict criminals your world beliefs become hardened and people have a higher opinion of you from a social interaction thanks for listening to radio tts hit the subscribe button and activate the notification bell for more interesting videos click the right box for the related playlist let us know in the comments what you 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Id: VglEhRRl62o

Length: 15min 49sec (949 seconds)

Published: Sat Dec 19 2020